Monday, December 11, 2023

Eleven-Month-Old Comics: The February 1 Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

It's been a few months - OK, almost a year - but am I going to give it the old college try and attempt to get through my backlog?  Yes, I am!

Captain America:  Sentinel of Liberty #9:  Honestly, I'm not entirely sure what happens here.  I think Captain America and his new Invaders' attempt to free Manhattan from A.I.M.'s control is all part of a simulation that M.O.D.O.C. created to keep them busy for...reasons?  I think?  Complicating matters, someone attacked M.O.D.O.K. during an interlude, but I'm not sure what conclusion we're supposed to draw from the attack.  It maybe turned him into M.O.D.O.C.?  Maybe?  Oof, this issue.

Dark Web Finale #1:  I don't even know what to say here.  This entire event was so utterly ridiculous that it seems equally ridiculous to try to recap it.  It's my job, though, so I'll try.

Madelyne opens Limbo's embassy to the United States in New York to show the people in the dark that they're also in the light.  (We're really pushing the "bad guys are just misunderstood good guys" schtick beyond the point of reasonable disbelief here.)  She also decides to keep Ben in prison in Limbo (something all good guys would totally do).  Of all the possible outcomes for Ben, "locked in prison in Limbo" is the lowest on my preferred list.  I'd almost rather him dead.

Of my many complaints about this "event," the central one is the fact that Wells seems to have created a solution to Ben's problem that no one ever suggested.  I don't see why Jean could've shared Peter's memories with Ben the way she did with Madelyne. Before this event, Wells implied that Peter would lose his memories if he shared them with Ben (though Wells never really fleshed out that premise).  As such, Jean's abilities resolve that problem (if it was indeed a problem).  

But, again, no one even suggests that course of action.  It isn't like someone did suggest it and Peter refused because he wouldn't be special if he shared his memories with Ben.  That would've at least given us an interesting moral quandary, since Peter would definitely be the asshole in that situation.  But, again, we never even get there.

In other words, given that Ben's lack of Peter's (good) memories is allegedly what drives Chasm's darkness, he seems a pretty problem to solve with Jean's help.  (He isn't Maria.)  

To make matters worse, Peter constantly harangues Ben for his anger that he isn't really a person, as if he should just get over it.  Does Peter forget the "Shrieking" arc, where he decided that he'd never be Peter Parker again given the pain he felt losing his parents during "Lifetheft?"  Again, even if Peter isn't the asshole (in the sense that he's unaware he could use Jean's powers to solve the problem), he is here.

I could continue but I won't.  It's all a fucking mess.

Minor Threats #4:  Holy fucking shit, this issue is amazing and intense.

Patton and Blum do a phenomenal job of keeping the gang ridiculous but the story serious all at once.  I really had no idea where the story was going page to page.  

More than anything, though, it's Pigeon's narration that makes this issue, as it really amps up the emotional punch of his eventual heel turn.  

In a flashback, Pigeon breaks into a museum to steal FabergĂ© eggs only to find a scalped security guard with one of the eggs implanted in his exposed brain.  His horror at the scene reminds me of Riddler's iconic line from "Secret Origins Special" #1:  "Joker is killing people, for God's sake."

Returning to the present, Pigeon explicates Stickman's goals for us.  First, he decided that his relationship with Insomniac had gotten too complicated.  He wanted to go back to basics; by killing Kid Dusk, he discarded the "child-endangerment thing."  Next, Stickman set the trap at the Trophy Room to trim Insomniac's rogues' gallery.  Now, he implants bombs in the team's brainstems and sends them, via his sidekick Sideswipe, to the Dream Cave with enough C-4 to destroy it.  To Stickman's mind, he'll make Insomniac "fun again" by breaking all his toys.  Ho boy.  Not many people are playing with full decks in Twilight City.

But the team's paranoia about the traitor amongst them gets the better of them; as Stickman listens via the microphones he fitted on them, they kill each other.  After Stickman arrives, a toy distracts Sideswipe, and his portal closes while he's halfway through it, killing him.

Of course, it turns out the gang isn't dead.  That said, man, the guys had me going there for a while.  I noticed the various tanks full of fish when the gang arrived in the Dream Cave, and apparently Scalpel did as well.  Once Playtime used her powers to send in nano-sized Army soldiers to remove the bombs from their brains, Scalpel used the puffer fish's tetrodotoxin to simulate their deaths.  

Confronting Stickman, Brain Tease claims that he saw through Stickman's "ruse" about a traitor amongst them, but he's proven wrong yet again when Pigeon holds a gun behind Playtime's head.

Via another flashback, Pigeon explains that he feared not just a future that involved this new level of brutality but also that he had no role in it.  Throwing in his lot with Stickman, Pigeon decided he might escape irrelevance.  (The scene where someone sends him a drink in a lonely diner on Christmas Eve is devastating.)  

As Stickman starts attacking the gang, Pigeon begins to realize his mistake and recalls how he had no one and nothing, but putting on the mask made him somebody.  He aches for the days when "the Code" meant something and the supervillains were all thick as thieves.  To save Frankie, he drives the Dreammobile (or whatever it's called) into Stickman.  Stickman tries to kill Pigeon as he reaches through the broken windshield, but Frankie uses his hammer to kill him.

With Stickman dead, a terrified Frankie tries to find a way to escape the Dream Cave.  But Insomniac arrives, and he's fucking nuts.  He's furious they took away killing Stickman from him and attacks Frankie.  Snake Stomper saves her, telling Insomniac that his punch is for Diego Salas before Insomniac kills him, another devastating moment in this issue.  Insomniac moves to take out Frankie, but she sees Toy Queen's jack-in-the-box gun in one of Insomniac's shattered trophy cases and uses it to decapitate him.  Never has a murder felt more just, I have to say.

In a news report, we watch as the cops lead Brian Tease to prison for the murders, and he seems thrilled.  Toy Queen wakes from a nap to find the blood-splattered gun where it belonged in her trophy case, realizing (also with joy) that Frankie killed Insomniac.

Frankie goes to Pigeon's hospital room and tells him that the Continuum agreed to leave Redport if she agreed to keep Insomniac's murder quiet.  To his horror, she then exiles him from Twilight City.  We later see Frankie with her daughter, so it's clear that the Continuum also cleared Frankie's name.  (Frankie's daughter apparently made a terrifying toy pony at daycare, so that's fun.)

Later that night, Frankie enters the bar where it all began.  Based on the respectful (and fearful) looks she gets, everyone knows that she killed Insomniac and Stickman.  Someone hands her usual ("Chilled it eight minutes like you said."), and she passes a shrine to Snake Stomper to the backroom.  There, Scalpel has a superhero tied to a chair, and he starts to rant about the Continuum.  Frankie holds a gun to his head and tells him to send a message that superheros aren't welcome in Redport.  He asks what the message is, and she says, "You are."

In other words, it's all just fucking amazing.  Unlike the tonal mess that is Wells' "Amazing Spider-Man," Oswalt and Blum really manage to combine drama and humor in a wonderful blend, so you never really know what to expect panel to panel.  I cannot recommend this series enough.

Moon Knight #20:  This issue is solid.  

Someone - "the Ghost in the Telephone" - brainwashed a pair of two-bit goons who 8 Ball identifies as the Harlequin Hit Men and had them kill Marc's five of the 12 members of Marc's former "Shadow Cabinet."  Hilariously, Marc dismisses the Hit Men as D-List villains given that 8 Ball called them "a couple of jokes" and they once fought Speedball.  But Marc isn't likely to take their murder spree lightly.

The back-up story is possibly the best part.  We learn that Marc's predecessor once helped Blade, so he's willing to do Marc a favor and teach Reece how to be a vampire.  I wouldn't have put two and two together there, but I'm thrilled McKay did because it's a great pairing.  Reece showed her worth in the main story as Marc's "woman in the chair," keeping him focused and using Jake to identify the route the Hit Men were taking so he could stop them.  Under Blade's guidance, she'll be a kick-ass vampire.

Star Wars:  Sana Starros #1:  Sana has two dads!  As a gay man raising a kick-ass daughter, I have to say that I love the idea that my little girl could one day maim and murder her way across the galaxy with the flare and grumpiness of Sana Starros.  (We also learn that Sana has an estranged twin brother, Phel.)

The issue begins with Sana realizing that she needs a break after apparently ending her relationship with Aphra.  As such, she comes to her grandmother's house, where her grandmother, Grammy Thea, informs us that she always comes home after a break-up.

Of course, it turns out Sana isn't the only one who makes questionable romantic decisions in the Starros family.  Her cousin, Aryssha, is pregnant with twins whose father is an Imperial officer, Captain Cerasus Ehllo, who storms Sana's grandmother house to find Aryssha.  It turns out Aryssha wanted to give birth at her ancestral home, but Ehllo wants her to give birth on his ship.  He takes her with him and then orders his troopers to kill Aryssha's mother, Mevera, and Grammy Thea.

Of course, Sana saves them...except they pretty much save themselves.  They take her to the armory, underscoring that Sana isn't the only, um, "capable" woman in the family.  It also turns out Ehllo taking Aryssha is part of the family's plan to steal back a family heirloom.  As Sana says, you can see why she doesn't visit often.  So much for her vacation.