Six-Month-Old Comics: The January 18 Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Dark Web:  X-Men #3:  This issue is terrible as it nullifies the entire point of this event.  When Jean realizes that Madelyne is after her memories of Nathan, she simply gives them to her, raising the question why Madelyne hadn't just asked her for them earlier.  Now, the only question hanging over this event, to my mind, is whether Jean can do the same thing for Ben.  Even if she does, this event feels like it could've been handled as an annual's back-up story.  What a joke.

Star Wars:  Bounty Hunters #30:  Now we're getting somewhere.

Valance defects from the Empire after Tonga tells him that Cadeliah is with Crimson Dawn and Yura is dead.  Valance realizes that Vader and, to a lesser extent, Haydenn played him this entire time.  He uses the thermonuclear detonators that the supply ship was actually transporting to Bestine - notably not the alleged "food" for the people living outside the Imperial base - to destroy said base.  He explains to T'onga the attack was simply bait for Vader, who arrives at the issue's end.

Sacks doesn't have a lot of time to dwell on the emotions, but he doesn't miss the chance to do so.  He includes a flashback to Bossk, T'onga, and Valance's time on Nakano Lash's crew when Nakano tells them that their successes come from the fact that they're family.  T'onga reminds a devastated Valance of this conversation in an attempt to comfort him.  But Valance works out his feeling through taking out Imps, a reminder of how Tonga's offer of humanity is unlikely to get Valance to see his.

Star Wars:  Han Solo and Chewbacca #9:  This issue gets the whole gang together again.

Han brings the urn to Nar Shaddaa after he, Chewie, and Phaedra discover it doesn't contain ashes but an orb.  Lando's contact, an Ugnaught Sava, informs Han that it's actually the neural core of a droid named Ajax Sigma who led a droid rebellion two centuries ago.  

Of course, one of Khel Tanna's contacts tipped off Tanna that Han was on Nar Shaada and, of course again, Corbus Tyra bugged Tanna's communicator so he passed on this information to Marshall Vancto.  As such, everyone converges on the Sava's office.  The trio escapes only for Chewie to go after Marshall Vancto for shooting him in the back and Han and Phaedra encountering a blastered-up Tyra in the Falcon.  

As Han explains to Phaedra, it's all a pretty good example of his luck.

Five-Month-Old Comics: The December 28 Edition - Part 1 (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Amazing Spider-Man #16:  The tone of these "Dark Web" issues remains weird.  We went from oddly jokey last issue to bro-y aggro in this one.  Peter isn't even remotely sympathetic when it comes to Ben's situation and simply throws hands.  It's weird because Peter is the most empathetic characters in comics; you'd think he'd understand that Ben doesn't have a moral code because he needs Peter's memories to have one.

Putting aside the tone, the plot is also weird.  Madelyne's "secret mission" is to send Venom into the Treehouse to recover her "soul."  I'm assuming she means her Cerebro back-up, but they're stored in Krakoa and not New York.  If it isn't her back-up, I have no idea what she's doing.  

Also, I still don't get Hallows' Eve.  She uses a mask to become Frankenstein's Monster, seemingly to accompany Eddie into the Treehouse to take on the X-Men.  But once Eddie enters she takes off the mask and apparently plans on entering stealthily while Eddie attacks.  Why change into Frankenstein's Monster then?

Moreover, I thought Ben was using the orb he displays here to steal Peter's memories, somehow channeling the Tree of Exquisite Liberation (which we saw in issue #14).  Instead he sends Peter to Limbo, where he also has JJJ, Jr. and Robbie Robertson.  Doesn't that get him farther from his goal of stealing Peter's memories?  He seems more focused on the demonic attack of New York, and I still don't get how that furthers either Ben's or Madelyne's goals.

In other words, I'm just at a loss here.

Dark Web:  X-Men #2:  I haven't liked a damn thing about "Dark Web," but Jean Grey smacking Madelyne Pryor and telling her, "If you want to go, let's go" is 30+ years coming and I'm here for it.

Captain America:  Symbol of Truth #8:  This issue is just awful.  

Throughout the issue, we get a series of statements that either contradict previous statements or just don't make sense.  To wit:

• Nomad uses a "Theseus and the minotaur" metaphor to describe why he and the refugees are safe from the oncoming tanks as they walk through the village's ruins.  Sam says soldiers may get lost in ruins but tanks don't.  Does he mean the tanks will somehow run over the ruins?  It isn't clear.
• A small child is leading Nomad and the refugees to a safe house, whose location apparently only he knows.  We're never told why he, and not a single adult, alone knows where it is.
• It turns out the shelter has a hidden button you press to enter, like it's the Batcave. 
• Sam notes the tanks are getting closer, and Ian quips that he "was hoping maybe they had other rides to drop off."  Is that a joke?  If not, I have no idea what he means.
•  As Sam and Nomad discuss the situation with the resistance leaders, Nightshade appears.  She apparently emigrated to Wakanda as part of the Wakanda Forever movement.  She claims many émigrés had "no way back" to America and found themselves stuck in Mohannda.  I find it hard to believe that the Wakandans not only revoked the émigrés' citizenship but then dumped them into an apartheid state?  Who's running Wakanda's PR team?
• Nightshade says she isn't a villain anymore, which I guess is true-ish, but she then claims, "I'm not someone with a past," which is very not true-ish.  
• Nightshade then tells us that she didn't just go to Mohannda because she had "no way back" to America, but because she believed in the deceased prime minister's cause.  Pick a reason!

I  went to the trouble of listing these inconsistencies and oddities to show that I'm not just exaggerating.  The issue reads like a bad AI wrote it.  It also comes nowhere close to explaining what Sam is planning to do about the White Wolf, particularly now that he knows the White Wolf was the one behind the prime minister's assassination, ostensibly the reason why he's there.

I've said it before, but Sam doesn't deserve this series.

Five-Month-Old Comics: The December 14 and 21 Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Amazing Spider-Man #15 (December 14):  This issue is weirdly jokey given the fact that Peter discovers Ben is still alive and Eddie Brock has reverted to his more brainless (and dangerous) iteration.  (Peter responds to both developments essentially with a shrug.)  As he goes to save Norman, he comments how Norman helped him when he lost Mary Jane, a situation he described as "a pickle."  It's bizarre.

Also, Ben can apparently cast spells now, which he uses to do...something to Ms. Marvel, whose appearance here feels completely unnecessary.  

In terms of continuity, this issue clearly happens after "Dark Web:  X-Men" #1 (despite the checklist saying it comes before it), since Peter refers to leaving the X-Men at Rockefeller Center, which happens in that issue (see below).  To make matters more complicated, Madelyne and Hallows' Eve collect Eddie here for their "secret mission," but they already had him in "Dark Web" #1.

In other words, it isn't the most promising star to this event.

Dark Web:  X-Men #1 (December 14):  This issue is worth the price of admission only for nostalgic 80s children (like me) who'll appreciate Spidey's team-up with Firestar and Iceman. 

Like "Amazing Spider-Man" #15, though, it suffers from an inappropriately jokey tone.  For example, as they're imprisoned in Limbo, Alex desperately tries to get Scott to engage with his pain, which he claims is similar to Madelyne's (a stretch, but consistent with Duggan's portrayal of Alex as a whiny brat).  Scott completely rebuffs him.  To be fair, Scott is trying to get Alex to help him escape their cell, but still.  

Beyond the issues mentioned in the above review, this issue's chronological sequencing is also odd.  Madelyne is in Limbo torturing the Summer brothers but also in New York going on her "secret mission" with Hallows' Eve.  Also I thought she told Ben in "Amazing Spider-Man" #14 that she wouldn't go to New York to maintain some plausible deniability with the X-Men?  

It's a mess.

Mary Jane & Black Cat (December 21):  For fuck's sake, Wells has got to tell us what happened six months ago.  

I say that because Mary Jane didn't just collect a husband and two children in the ensuing period, she also gained superpowers.  Said powers involve her spinning a slot-machine wheel and manifesting a power based on whatever she gets spin-wise.  It isn't just ridiculous (which it is).  It's also repetitive.  We've already had two extremely confusing iterations of the Jackpot hero, though neither one possessed these powers.  [Sigh.]  

If you're asking what Mary Jane's powers have to do with "Dark Web," Black Cat sees her manifest them to protect Paul and the kids from demons.  Of course, before we can address that, Belasco kidnaps Black Cat and Mary Jane because he wants a favor.  [Sigh, again.]

Star Wars:  Bounty Hunters #29 (December 14):  This issue is fun when it's Bossk and Tasu fighting off Imps or IG-88 taking out the Son-tuul Pride syndicate basically on his own.  

But I still have the problem I've had for a while, which is that this series has so many main and supporting characters that it's really hard to keep them all straight.  When and why did Crimson Dawn destroy Ankala and her compatriots' villages?  How and why did the Pride help Crimson Dawn and thus earn an Imperial bounty?  

It's a small complaint, but it does occasionally slow down my ability to follow the action, which is fast and furious here.

WildC.A.Ts #2 (December 14):  This issue moves fast.

The beginning is a good time as Cole expresses frustration while he and Zealot find themselves battling the H.I.V.E troops and the Court of Owls' Talons.  Cole gets injured, forcing Zealot to fight off their attackers alone while getting a still unconscious Fairchild and him to a place where Void can teleport them.

Cole isn't a "sitting in bed" type of guy, though, so he leaves the hospital early to attend the Halo directors meeting.  (In the hospital, he relays another multiverse story, though I don't recognize this one.)  At the meeting, we see various familiar faces at the table, including Dr. Anthony Ivo, Norah Fries (who I though the WildC.A.Ts killed per a comment last issue but is clearly alive here), and a resurrected (female) Michael Cray.  For reasons Rosenberg doesn't make clear, Cole encourages Marlowe to let them go after the Court, but Void disapproves.  

That doesn't stop Cole from getting Voodoo to go over the crime scene with him later that night.  She doesn't find anything, though their search clearly pisses off the Court, which sends an assassin after Marlowe at a party later that evening.  Marlowe decides that it's time to take the WildC.A.Ts public, though he unveils a team called the Seven Soldiers of Victory, most of whom I don't recognize.  I'm sure (I hope) Rosenberg has something up his sleeve.

Also Read:  Night Club #1 (December 14); X-Men Annual #1 (December 21)