Seven-Month-Old Comics!: The May 8 Top-Shelf Edition - Part Two (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

The One Hand #5:  We really go off the rails here, in the best possible way.

We pick up right where we left off last issue, with Ari talking to the One Hand killer through the wall.  He asks what the writing on the wall represents, and the killer says that it's a language.  Ari asks what it says, and the killer says that's what he's been doing — trying to find meaning.  Ari asks why he's been killing all these years, and the killer is adamant that he didn't kill his victims.  Ari asks if they're all cogs, and the killer again says he isn't a killer.  Ari asks what he is, and the killer responds that he's an archeologist, which is creepy as fuck.

In what seems like a parallel dimension on the other side of the wall — a cave of some sort — a woman addresses the killer as "Johannes" and says they have to go before Ari shoots through the wall.  Ari runs next door only to find a storage closet.  Mac then calls Ari to tell him that the lieutenant is coming with a response team and a warrant and Ari needs to run.  Mac tells Ari that he'll find him the usual way, and Ari bolts.

Ari then meets Helene for lunch, at her invitation.  (She got word to the precinct, and Mac passed on the message to him.)  Helene asks if Ari was looking for someone named Nemone and confesses she hasn't stopped thinking about her since the day he visited.  Even though she's never met anyone by that name, she tells Ari that she has the feeling of being haunted "by a memory that isn't real."  She then recounts a legend related to the Greek Titan Mnemosyne, the goddess of memory, from which the name Nemone derives.  Mnemosyne would give her priests the ability to see other people's memories, and Helene asks Ari if he believes memory can exist beyond our own lifetimes.

Helene tells Ari that Nemone would be happy to know that Ari didn't stop looking for her.  Ari then carefully asks Helene if she knows what she is, and Helene stands up, kisses Ari and then holds his chin as she says, "Ari..."  She then leaves, asking behind her, "Do you know what you are?"

At a safe house (or, more accurately, a safe apartment), someone (I think Juice from issue #2) gets Ari a clean gun as Mac arrives.  Mac tells Ari that he thought he'd finally gone around the bend when he asked whether the victim was a cog, but the coroner called him to the microscope because he found the killer's symbols in the blood or tissue sample he was examining.  Suddenly, the coroner's entire system then burst into flames.  Mac remembers that, when they were looking at the security footage at the hospital looking for Odell's murderer, it suddenly went glitchy, too.  Realizing someone is protecting the killer, Mac has the IT boys put together a path of camera outages, which leads to an apartment building.  Mac tells Ari that he's giving him a head start, but he's going to the lieutenant with it.

At the apartment building, Ari finds the woman from the art show, who tells Ari that she knows he's looking for the man with six fingers, whom she calls Johannes Vale.  The woman is nuts, but she tells Ari that Johannes' father went missing when he was young and he "still sees him every now and then."  We learn her name is Ada, and she tells Ari that Johannes went lookin for someone named Helene.  Ada tells Ari that he's "talking to someone now, detective...a voice only he can hear.  It sends him places...opens doors that don't exist."  

This story concludes next issue, which seems crazy.  I guess at this point, though, our only real question is whether we're dealing with someone or something supernatural, as Johannes seemed to create the pocket dimension behind the wall that Ari couldn't find.  I guess we'll see.

The Sacrificers #8:  Remender delivers another brutal issue that makes you want Pigeon just to raze this place to the ground.

It begins with a tired old man taking Pigeon on his wagon to the South End Trading Post, from where Pigeon'll head home.  The world is clearly collapsing around them, and Pigeon fights his anger over the way his family treated him as he makes his way from the Trading Post to his village.  There, he finds it completely destroyed, and we're reminded that he's really only there for Beatrice.  But he finds her destroyed doll in the wreckage, and you can see something break in him.

Later, Pigeon arrives in Noom's devastated village, and the townspeople come close to killing him, blaming him for their lot.  A guy who looks like the king appears, but he informs Pigeon that the king left for higher ground before the storm hit.  Pigeon loses consciousness, and later he's seated at a banquet table with the Fake King who serves him...chicken.  Asshole.  (Pigeon sticks to the vegetables.)  

The Fake King asks Pigeon about Paradise, and Pigeon tells him it was "hell, a factory of death."  The Fake King rages at him as a blasphemer, telling him that he can't believe a Sacrificer who abandoned his responsibility.  He accuses Pigeon of inventing the story to justify his failure; when Piegon mentions Noom, he blames her as well.  The Fake King mentions Piegon's people were destroyed, commenting, wickedly, "I would imagine your family amongst them."

The Fake King sees a glint of guilt in Pigeon's eyes at that comment and convinces him to sacrifice himself.  Clad in ceremonial gear, Fake King prepares to cut off Pigeon's head, but Pigeon grabs the axe before he can.  Furious, Pigeon tells the Fake King that Noom did sacrifice herself.  He says he'd understand if only his village perished, but the fact that Noom's village also perished makes no sense.  Stalking the Fake King, Pigeon tells him that he's tired of assholes like him telling him what his responsibility is when the collective never did anything for him.  In fact, this guy is only focused on making things better for himself.

Repeating something he said earlier, the Fake King tells Piegon that it isn't his job to question the gods but to serve them.  Pigeon then cuts off his head, telling his corpse, "Then that's what I'll do."  Team Pigeon, y'all.

Star Wars:  Darth Vader #46:  Ugh, I don't know if I care enough to put in the effort necessary to understand the nuance of Pak's story here.  I mean, once you involve the Sith Eternal, you've pretty much lost me.

Anyway, we start with the sequel to the Darth Vader story in "Free Comic Book Day 2024:  Star Wars" #1 as Warba joins Sabé in her search for Luke Skywalker.  Warba claims that she wants to see Luke before Sabé and Vader do whatever they're planning on doing to him, but we know Warba is also serving Vader so who knows.

Meanwhile, Sly Moore sends Corleque to deliver a shipment to the Sith Eternal on Exegol, since they'll scan his mind and see that he hates Vader.  The teams passes through the Red Honeycomb Zone in a Kyberite-plated shuttle, which more or less protects them from the Summa-Verminoth.  (Pryde does see his death on Exegol.)

On Exegol, "Vader" engages the Sith Eternal and loses, which draws the other Sith Eternal to see his defeat.  However, it turns out the cargo that Corleque delivered has the real Vader and battle droids, who launch another attack.  We learn that Vader is there for the Kyber Temple, which he destroys for the kyber.  The attack somehow frees the M.A.R. Corps, but, before we can process that, the apparent leader of the Sith Eternal (or at least this contingent of them) hits a button that fires a beam from...somewhere?

The beam appears to come from the sky onto a large black monolith, particularly since Pryde gloats that Vader somehow deflected it from hitting them.  (They're all standing next to the monolith.)  But then Vader says they weren't aiming for them, and the beam seems instead to have come from the monolith to the sky, where it hits the Summa-Verminoth.  Why the Sith Eternal decided to do that now is beyond me, but I guess Pak'll tell us at some point.

Transformers #8:  I know it's ridiculous to say about a series revolving around sentient robots, but this issue is an emotional tour de force.

With Arcee along, Carly takes Spike to a lake at sunset, hoping some fresh air clears his head.  Spike admits that he doesn't feel anything, because the world has changed so much.  Carly shows the anger that we saw last issue, telling Spike that they now have "big metal warriors" to help them get revenge on the "ones who killed our dads!"  But Spike notes his father just disappeared, like his brother.

Cliffjumper arrives with some "colas" because he's learned that it's "the thing to do near bodies of water."  (Fair, Cliff.)  He offers one to Carly, who doesn't respond.  Spike encourages her to speak to Cliff, reminding her that he saved her from "Lazerbeam."  Carly tells Cliff that she isn't "not" talking to him but she's furious that he had the chance to stop Starscream after he murdered his friend (Cliff brokenly mutters, "Bumblebee," at this point) but didn't take it.  As such, she feels like she can't trust him.  Cliff sits with his head between his legs, in the most dejected (and human) way a robot can look, and Spike wordlessly put his hand on Cliff's arm.

On Cybertron, Elita is motoring with the body she's carrying.  The robot speaks, telling her that he's endured 150 years of torture, day and night, and begs Elita to kill him.  Elita tells him that she's sorry it took her so long to find him but, yes, if they "get taken" she'll end both their sparks.

On the U.S.S. Henry Harrison, Soundwave and Thundercracker land on deck.  Soundwave orders Thundercracker not to destroy the ship yet, and the sailors try to stop them.  Thundercracker grabs the captain who begs him not to kill him.  Thundercracker places him on the deck, telling him that he pities humanity's fragility and that they should all "be on [their] way."  

As the ship burns around them and they watch the liferafts drift into sea, Soundwave asks what Thundercracker is doing, and Thundercracker comments that the humans can't hurt them.  Soundwave says they can't have witnesses, and Thundercracker starts to object — but then Soundwave simply kills them.  It's brutal, you guys.  It's interesting how...noble Thundercracker has been.  Whereas Cliffjumper's pacifism comes from a place of exhaustion, Thundercracker has almost Optimus levels of compassion and conscientiousness.

We then move onto a pretty hilarious segment.  Optimus enters the Ark's main room as Wheeljack and Skywarp are trading insults.  Wheeljack confirms that he can't separate Skywarp from Teletran 1 until he gets more Cybertronian tech.  Optimus has Wheeljack replay the video for Skywarp of Starscream and Soundwave ripping him into pieces, but they're interrupted when Carly enters with a RPG (with the intent to kill Skywarp).   Optimus is like, "For fuck's safe, Carly," and Carly falters when he explains that they need Skywarp — even if he's the reason Spike got shot — to save the other Autobots.  Carly accidentally shoots the RPG, and Arcee hurls herself in front of the blast, saving Skywarp.  Suddenly, Skywarp fixes Wheeljack's legs, to his delight.  Optimus tries to talk to Carly, but she tells him that it isn't an "Optimus teaching moment."  Ha!  She asks if she's just supposed to "wait around and get squished," and, honestly?  It's a good point.  

Arcee follows Carly to her van, telling her it's "quite the vehicle."  Carly apologies for shooting Arcee and asks why Teletraan didn't fix her.  Arcee explains they're low on Energon, since the Decepticons used most of it on the Constructicons.  Carly asks why the Autobots don't act as badass as they are, and Arcee explains that they "were scattered and lost" before the war but Optimus brought them together to fight for peace.  Carly snidely comments, "easy for him to say," and Arcee cautions her that Optimus' losses "could fill a chasm."

On the seafloor, Soundwave explains that they sank the Harrison since it has the most advanced energy technology the humans have — nuclear power — and then orders the Constructions to unearth the Nemesis.

In the Ark (seriously, this issue has so much jammed into it), Jetfire awakens.  He's hazy, and Optimus tells him that he lost some of his spark.  Ratchet is there and expound that they could only bring back one form, his jet form.  Jetfire asks why Optimus didn't let him rest, and Optimus explains they need his help to travel the world (per his comment at the end of last issue).  Devastatingly, Jetfire asks if he's really just a husk to them, saying that he can't see anything, including the stars.  Optimus offers to leave, but Jetfire asks him to stay, since it's so dark.  Optimus sits next to him, and it's just so much, you guys.

Soundwave and company enter the Nemesis and hear pounding.  They're all surprised that the Transformer in the cell making the noise survived the crash.  Thundercracker is nervous, but Soundwave orders him to open the cell, since they need all the help they can get.  Suddenly, Astrotrain emerges like Jack Nicholson in "The Shining."  He demands to know where "he" is, throwing Thudnercracker into a wall when Soundwave says that they don't know.  He's just a total raving mess, and Soundwave swears when they find Megatron (aha!) Astrotrain is free to do whatever he wants with him.  But, for now, Soundwave has a mission.

At the Ark, Wheeljack notes the awakening of Cybertronian technology (i.e., the Nemesis), and Optimus calls the Autobots to action.  Optimus refuses to bring Carly with them, and Arcee asks if she can take on Carly as her Iron Apprentice.  Optimus says only two Cybertronians can have that relationship, but Arcee says she's willing to try if Carly is.  Arcee explains that it's a "sacred bond" between two beings, "one older and one younger."  It marks the beginning of a clan, and it's what she had with Ultra Magnus.  Although Carly doesn't formally agree, Optimus leaves Arcee and Carly to stay with Wheeljack to defend the Ark and watch over "young Spike."  Cliffjumper then takes control of Jetfire, and he, Jazz, Optimus, and Ratchet head to the Nemesis.

On the Nemesis, Soundwave tells Thundercracker that the goal of resurrecting it wasn't to fly it, but to use its antennae to call for reinforcements.  Enter Shockwave!

Eight-Month-Old Comics!: The April 3 Top-Shelf Edition - Part Three (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

The Sacrificers #7:  This issue is strangely direct for a Remender issue.  It tells two stories:  the first shows how the events of the previous six issues are impacting the world and the second sets up where we're going next.

We begin with a terrible storm striking Noom's village.  The narration informs us that Noom's father, the king, told her every night at bedtime about the "great service that awaited her in the golden castle of Rokos," and every night Noom thanked him for the "wondrous life he'd given her."  

In the castle, Noom's father is irate at Aquatica's failure to protect the village.  He demands the summoning staff from his priest and summons Aquatica, who's equally furious at Noom's father's presumption in summoning him.  But Noom's father isn't having it and immediately informs Aquatica that the storm is going to destroy the village despite the fact they've done everything he's asked.  Aquatica blames the storm on Luna, and Noom's father screams at him that he sacrificed his daughter so Aquatica must help.  Aquatica wordlessly agrees and climbs to the castle's roof.  He pushes against the tides, cursing Luna, and then sees the enormous tidal wave coming to destroy the village.

Meanwhile, Soluna flees the Warden's minions.  The narration tells of Soluna hearing her parents' fights from the hallway as their marriage dissolved.  One night, Luna came to Soluna to tell her that she was leaving.  The narration is particularly brutal as someone on the verge of 50 years old, with Luna telling Soluna that age will take everything from you, leaving you with only two options:  "Die or learn to push through.  And in doing so learn that you're capable of things that once seemed unimaginable."  (Thanks, Rick.  I needed that.)

The narration continues as Soluna fleeing the minions, finally climbing to a plateau where she finds a fruit-filled tree.  Luna tells Soluna that this epiphany ended her marriage because she realized the horrible things she did to stay young.  As the narration concludes, Soluna is violently ill from the fruit, and a Venom-esque monster attacks her, inserting itself inside her as she plummets from a cliff.

Star Wars #45:  I was wondering how Lando was going to extricate himself from this mess, and it becomes clear here.

First, Salli Georgio is fantastic, and I hope to see her often in future issues.  After her cross-examination of Leia, I could actually see Leia taking a shine to her, despite them being on different sides right now.

But we don't immediately get to Salli.  Leia, Admiral Ackbar, and General Madine scramble to insulate the Alliance from the dangers inherent in the Empire possibly getting its hands on Mon Mothma and everything she knows.  I'll be honest, I hadn't really thought through those implications when she was taken last issue.  But Soule does a great job underscoring the threat she poses, particularly as Madine makes it clear the Empire will employ every possible torture to get information from her.  Ackbar scrambles the Fleet according to Tactical Plan Eighteen, and Madine sends Kes Dameron and his Pathfinder team to try to find her.

Back in the courtroom, Madine shoots down Salli's attempt to get them to dismiss the trial, and Captain Muskray uses Leia's testimony to remind everyone that Han is frozen in carbonate with Jabba the Hutt due to Lando's treachery.  Salli creates some breathing room when she gets Leia to admit that Lando only stayed on Bespin to save his people, but she's worried Lando's heart isn't in his defense.  

It turns out she's correct.  Lando has Salli get Chewbacca and tells him that he recognized the kidnapper's voice when she spoke to Mon Mothma:  Hachi, a Scarabi mercenary.  Lando tells Chewie that he knows where a bunch of Scarabi safe houses are but Chewie has to bring the information to command since they'd just believe Lando was working an angle.  Chewie agrees and leaves, and Salli is furious at Lando for not letting her use the information as leverage.  But, as Lando says, he may deserve everything coming to him, but he's still a rebel.

Void Rivals #8:  The issue begins with Solila remembering her little brother, Polada.  He's scared, because they're obviously moments from entering an arena to fight.  He asks if their mother ever loved them, and Solila responds simply that their mother needed money and Zertonia needed warriors.  Polada says that he wants to go home, and Solila goads him into a fight to make sure he's ready for the bigger fight coming.

In the present, Solila is lost in thought, and Darak asks her if she's OK.  She responds that she realizes that Zalilak could send someone after them, and it's clear Polada is Proximus.  She dismisses the thought as "foolish, reckless," and Darak asks if she knows Zalilak to act recklessly.  She responds, "Maybe."  

Of course, she's correct, and Proximus arrives and makes short work of Darak.  Facing Solila, Proximus starts to recognize her, and Solila responds, "If only you could..."  Somehow, Handroid (I think) is able to create a blast that sends Proximus into the dust, and Darak finds a barely alive Solila staked on her spear.  It's...a lot.

Seven-Month-Old Comics!: The January 10 Top-Shelf Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

The Sacrificers #6:  Remender doesn't give us happy endings almost as a rule, but fuck me if he doesn't at least give us one to conclude this arc.

First things first, Soluna is alive but wizened.  The Foreman gloats over successfully luring her into his lair and tells her that free will is an illusion.  In the most Remender way possible, the Foreman gets his comeuppance when Pigeon bursts from the pipes and the elixir the Foreman created from Soluna's essence falls on him.  Pigeon helps Soluna to her feet as an enraged Foreman attacks him.  The pair tries to flee but falls through a trap outside the castle.  Pigeon opens his eyes to find Noom's skull and whispers to himself that she was his only friend.  He then hears a horn, which we see the Foreman's assistant blowing to send out the "Husks."  (This entire sequence is spectacular, not just because of Fiurama's amazing art but also due to Remender's propulsive script.)

Meanwhile, Rokus visits Luna on the Moon, where we see many versions of her arguing over which one gets to face the world.  Rokos tells Luna that their fighting is harming their daughter and reminds her that it was never his choice to separate.  Luna tells him that she will not participate in "this abomination."  Rokos screams at Luna that she participated in the ceremony for eons without a problem, and she tells him that she's simply acting on what they all know — it's time to turn over power to the next generation.  (Man, this theme is relevant this month!)  

Rokos says that the next generation isn't ready and rages when Luna criticizes what he's doing to his own people, since he believes that he's serving their every need.  He attacks her, and, when her other selves try to defend her, he destroys them.  He demands that she return with him to the palace, drink the elixir, and raise their daughter, but she tells him that she won't become something she hates to survive.  In a true Remember moment, Rokos kills her, saying that she will never eclipse him again.  I mean, wow.  I think I stopped breathing at some point here it was so intense.

In a tangled forest of vines, Pigeon tries to carry Soluna but can't.  They fall into a poisonous bog, and Soluna says that she won't run — she's going to wait for Luna to save her.  When Pigeons asks why Luna would do that, she tells him that Luna is her mother.  Pigeon is stunned that she's "one of them" while Soluna rails at the moon, which turns to face her and then disappears.

The Husks arrive and attack, and Pigeon tells Soluna to stand.  She says that she no longer has a reason to do so, and Pigeon uses newfound powers to rip the Husks to shreds.  While he marvels at what he did, Soluna attacks him, realizing that he has her powers.  She demands that he return her powers or she'll do...something, but Pigeon hurls her to the ground before she can finish that threat.  In a spectacular moment, he looks on her with a face full of determination and strength (thanks to Fiurama) and tells her that she'll do nothing.  

Telling Pigeon that she's lost everything, Soluna demands he help her.  He tells her that people helped her for her entire life and the only way to help her now is to leave her on her own.  She pledges her family will reward him, and he tells her that her family murdered his best friend so he's going to reward them.

Ha!  Again, I worry for Pigeon, but right now?  I'm going to gloat in the comeuppance that he's set to bring.

Star Wars #42:  This issue is interesting for a number reasons, in no small part because it really delves into Jedi lore.  But Soule goes further, as Gretta's feelings for Luke become clear in a way that we usually don't see in "Star Wars."

The issue begins with Luke tracking down Gretta, revealing that Artoo ("Star Wars'" true hero) tracked her telemetry after they last met and they've been visiting her potential destinations since the Scourge's threat ended.  Luke tells Gretta that he wants to enter the red khyber crystal again so that he can get more experience confronting Sith, since he knows that he'll have to face the Sith one day.

Barging into the room, Gretta's Auntie Feez tells Luke that she's Force-sensitive but didn't become a Jedi because it's a path for obsessives.  (She isn't wrong.)  Feez tells Luke that she taught Gretta everything she knew about the ritual they tried last time but hasn't told her everything she knows.  (She never really addresses why she didn't, which seems selfish given the fact the Fallanassi are virtually extinct.)  Feez agrees to help Luke, given he helped Gretta.  Luke exposits that he feels like if he can cure the crystal, he can bring a Sith back to the light as well.  (Aha!)

Feez explains that 1) each crystal is unique because each Sith's pain is unique and 2) pain tends to pull in everyone around it so it's possible to get lost in the crystal.  To bring the crystal to the light again, Luke will have to travel through the owner's memories, which are embedded in the crystal.  Luke leaves, and Feez teases Gretta about how Luke is only interested in the Force, unlike most boys his age.  Feez is worried about breaking the law and helping a Jedi, but she agrees with Gretta's assessment that Luke seems lonely and has kind eyes.

At a ritual that night, Feez guides Luke into the crystal, where he once again encounters the Sith that he first saw.  The Sith's guards make quick work of him and throw Luke in the dungeon.  The Sith expresses surprise, though, that Luke is clean and has a lightsaber, explaining that the last Jedi in his (I think) court was a jester until he committed suicide.  The Sith then expresses skepticism that a Jedi could "heal" him since they couldn't even save themselves.

In other words, this period isn't great for a Jedi, which is definitely intriguing.  Soule seems ready to tell a story that he really wants to tell, so I'm here for it.

Transformers #4:  Ho boy.

With Starscream in hot pursuit, Optimus radioes Ratchet to tell him that he's taken major damage and Spike is hurt.  Ratchet apologizes to Wheeljack's prone form, telling him that they need firepower.  In a fantastic sequence, Starscream lands in front of Optimus and hovers over him menacingly.  Johnson then changes the perspective to Carly, as she sees Starscream through Cliffjumper's windshield.  Carly tells Cliffjumper to, "Get his ass.", and Cliffjumper rams Starscream, throwing him to the ground.  Optimus then takes the chance to drive over him.  Ha!  Starscream calls Soundwave for backup as Optimus and Cliffjumper speed away.

The team arrives at the hospital, and Sparky runs to the awaiting doctors carrying Spike.  Laserbeak arrives, and Cliffjumper and Optimus cover the hospital staff as Laserbeak opens fire.  Rumble takes down Cliffjumper as Soundwave arrives in all his glory, with a kick to Optimus' face.  Starscream arrives and tells Soundwave to halt, noting, with joy in his voice, the hospital is where they "fix the squishy ones."  He rants that he can't believe Optimus would bring the "ants" to "get repaired."  To exacerbate Optimus' suffering, Starscream opens fire on the hospital, taking out the generator and delaying Spike's surgery.

Soundwave warns Starscream they've got incoming Autobots, and Cliffjumper gives us his best, "All right!!!" as Jazz speeds at the Decepticons.  Jazz transforms and launches a rocket at Stascream's head and then slides under Soundwave.  Regrouping, the four Autobots face the four Decepticons, who flee.  

In yet another amazing scene, Optimus later watches Spike's prone form from a hole in the hospital's ceiling, and  we learn that, without power, the doctors can't keep Spike, or several other patients, alive.  Sparky cries over his "beautiful boy," which hit the dad in me in the feels.  It also hit Optimus in the feels, since he opens his chasis and uses the Matrix to power the hospital.  Ratchet tries to stop him, but Optimus says, "No more death[,] even if it comes at a price."  One of the nurses says "Oh, thank God," and one of the doctors replies, "Not God...thank...metal?"

At the Ark, Soundwave criticizes Starscream for his lack of a plan and focus only on destruction.  Starscream demands repairs, but Soundwave notes that the materials they need only exist in Cybertronian technology.  He and Starscream then look at a still-wounded Skywarp who screams, "What are you doing?  Brothers?", as they rip him to shreds.  (It's interesting he calls them 'brothers," a term of endearment I wouldn't associate with Decepticons."

At the hospital, Sparky tells Spike's comatose body that, after the war, he moved him and his brother to Farmington so he could protect them from where he was raised, another reminder of how grim Sparky's life sounds like it was.  He tells Spike that he couldn't see the good in the world after the war and his brother's death.  He says his depression (though he doesn't call it that) is like a sickness that spreads to the ones he loves the most and contemplates how he doesn't have Spike there to remind him of the good.  

From the courtyard, he overhears a young patient on an IV ask Optimus to transform, which he does, delighting the boy.  Sparky asks Optimus if he saved Spike and, if he did, could he do it again as Spike is in a coma.  Optimus explains that the Matrix is now empty so what happens now "is up to the Great Spark."  

In the hospital, Ratchet tells Optimus he's fixed the generator and then reminds him that they need him.  He knows the Matrix, when empty, drains its host, and he's worried Optimus chose to save Spike instead of fix himself.  Optimus calls the humans innocent, and Ratchet disagrees, noting they're prone to destruction, as they're the ones who shot Spike.  Optimus comments, "Just like us."

Jazz collapses, and Ratchet explains that he pooled all their energon to get him going.  Ratchet makes the point that they all die if Optimus dies and then they won't be there to protect the humans from the Decepticons.  (Fair enough, Ratchet.)  Ratchet suggests they use something in Optimus' trailer to even the score, as they're the last of their kind, "fighting for survival."  Optimus balks and, before we see what it is, Sparky arrives, telling them that he has an idea about their energy problem.

Inside Carly's broken house, Cliffjumper attempts to console her, telling her that Starscream killed his clan and he joined the war the next day.  Carly cries and asks Cliffjumper if the feeling ever stops, and he simply comments, "Oh, Carly."  It's an incredibly moving moment, an example of why this series is so engaging.  At this point, Optimus arrives, with Megatron's cannon (clearly the item in his trailer) on his arm, asking them if they're ready to go on the offensive.  Fuck, yes!

Meanwhile, Starscream drags Decepticon bodies that he's raided to a pile, gloating that he's the Deception leader, "Today!  Tomorrow!  Forever!"  Putting some doubt on that, we end with a panel of Megatron on ice somewhere else.

In other words, man, I love this series.

Eight-Month-Old Comics: The December 6 Top-Shelf Edition - Part Two (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

The Sacrificers #5:  The thing about Remember is that you really never know what he's going to do, like kill (maybe) off a main character in issue #5.

The Foreman returns to his imposing castle where one of the beauticians from issue #3 awaits him.  The beautician, Joy, tells the Foreman that the elixir she offers him here is from one of the sacrificers who "figured it out" (i.e., Noom).  Joy observes that the Foreman took twice as many sacrificers as was "strictly lawful," resulting in enough capacity for even them to drink.  The Foreman takes off his helmet and reveals that he's one of Pigeon's people.  He's furious, though, because he doesn't just want to drink like the lords:  he wants to be one.

Soluna reveals herself, furious at what she sees as the Foreman's treachery.  Haughty beyond measures, Soluna demands to know more about the elixir, and the Foreman reveals his elixir comes from fear not joy.  Soluna defeats the Foreman's guards, but one of them grabs her pet.  She begs the Foreman not to hurt the pet, and the Foreman demands she drop her father's sword.  Furious that Soluna is so confident no one could hurt her that she even brought her pet, the Foreman has his man rip the pet in two.  It's...a lot.

A the daycare, Pigeon watches as the other sacrificers, dressed in colorful clothes, play a game.  He wonders where they're taking everyone, and the other sacrificers look at him askance.  They encourage him to have more faith as they head to lunch.  He looks at a drawing that Noom made of them together, which says, "Have faith all will be well!!!"  He then dives into the river discovering a tube with a grate that he can't remove.

At the castle, the Foreman has chained up Soluna.  He reveals the gods used to grow old and die, but the elixir that he (the Foreman) created changed that.  He gave Rokos the key to immortality, and Rokos promised to make him a god.  However, he didn't, hence the Foreman's rage.  Informing Soluna that Rokos will never turn over his throne, he rails that Rokos takes credit for his elixir.  Soluna calls him "low-born trash," and the Foreman drains her essence from her, believing it'll make him a god.  

Good-bye, Soluna.  We hardly knew ye.

The Space Between #2:  I didn't dislike this issue so much as I found myself bored of the repetition.  Instead of a pair of star-crossed lovers, the revolution's leader this time is a rabble-rouser born above the Star Line; he uses a maintenance worker as his connection to the people so he can seize power.  

The events take place 47 years after Integration, thought automation has left the folks below the Star Line (btSL, if you will) bored.  They're also frustrated that Integration only meant they could marry who they wanted; it appears that the Dodona still assigns jobs through some criteria (though not by birth, I think).  But they aren't the only ones frustrated.  Revla's granddaughter, Bee, is uninterested in becoming a pilot.  Revla claims that she's made her peace with that but dismisses Bee's work researching breeding of cats and dogs.  Revla feels like it's supporting the Originators view that people were born for their jobs; Bee says their view was monstrous but doesn't clarify what her research is set to achieve.

At a park, a btSL worker named Pari goes with his friend Hirna to see the aforementioned rabble-rouser, Lonan, speak.  Lonan invites Pari to his post-speech meeting with his followers, and it definitely feels like a cult.  Pari learns that Lonan isn't "exactly from btSL."  In fact, he's never been there.  But Pari falls for Lonan's pitch and becomes his more "authentic" messenger.

Rallying crowds under the message, "You're not baggage, you're people!", Pari become famous as Lonan's prophet, much to Hirna's disappointment.  Pari is shocked when Lonan takes him to meet the Council at a reception, since they're the problem, but he meets Bee there and they click.  An explosion interrupts their meeting, and Lonan's security detail whisk away Pari so the public doesn't learn he (and Lonan) were there.

Later, Bee and Revla are watching news of the incident when the reporter plays an altered version of her conversation with Pari, where she refers to the btSL people as "dogs."  Another explosion occurs as a riot takes place outside the Council's chambers.  Pari is furious at Lanon for recording him at the reception and using his conversation with Bee to advance his cause, but Lanon wants him to focus on exploiting their "luck" with the explosion.

Meanwhile, Bee is furious they plan to send Revla into space to fix the hole the explosion caused, though the Council claims they lost all their best pilots in the explosion.  Pari visits Bee and explains he didn't record their conversation, though this conversation is interrupted when Lonan announces, via a broadcast, that he's the new chancellor and the mission to seal the hole failed.  However, Bee manages to get into her grandmother's room and records Revla revealing that she did seal the hole, but Lanon came into her room and injected her with something.  Lanon was using the Council's failure to seal the hole as justification for his coup d'état, but Bee's revelation ends his plan.

The issue ends with Hirna joining the Council, which we learn Bee made happen when she suggested someone from maintenance take Revla's spot after her death.  Bee and Pari are together now, their hope renewed.

Again, it isn't a bad issue.  Given the scope of the story Beckho is telling, though, it feels like we could move off the Marxian analysis of the ship and onto more compelling matters.  We'll see what happens next issue.

Subgenre #2:  I get what Kindt is trying to do here, but I'm not sure that it's as interesting as he wants it to be in implementation.  

Our hero finds himself in a sword-and-sandal story that goes meta quickly, when the wizard (i.e., the author of the hero's story) is a version of the hero himself.  But the hero suddenly awakens in a more futuristic setting, where a woman tells him that he needs to sign some forms because they own the story in his head.  I wonder if Kindt is hinting that the company for which the woman works puts people through these travels through subgenres to generate intellectual property?  Maybe?

At any rate, I think I'm getting off the train here.

Transformers #3:  Holy fucking shit, this issue.

Sparkplug tries to comfort a hysterical Carly, who demands to know what type of "giant robot" killed her father.  Before Sparkplug can answer, Laserbeak breaks into the house and grabs Sparkplug.  He throws him into a wall and moves on Carly, but Cliffjumper arrives to save her.  However, Sparkplug opens fire on him, grabs Carly, and flees in a cop car.

At the Ark, Starscream is furious when Soundwave informs him that Earth's raw materials are "lacking" in their ability to bring Cybertronian technology to 100% and Earth also lacks the "advanced compound structure" he needs to fix Teletraan 1.  He suggests other Earth material could help and begins to comment that Megatron would've had them scouring Earth already, but Starscream smacks him before he can finish the thought.  Meanwhile, Laserbeak reports that he found an Autobot, and Starscream dispatches Skywarp - who's hilarious drinking Energon with a straw - to take care of Cliffjumper.

Sparkplug brings Carly to the bar, where the patrons have armed themselves.  Carly tries to convince "Sparky" that all the Transformers aren't bad, but Sparky - not incorrectly - comments that, "It doesn't matter whose team they're on, or what glorious cause they fight for.  When the shooting stars, people die."  On that note, Cliffjumper arrives, and Sparky shoots him again.  Skywarp then arrives and all Hell breaks loose.  Optimus and Spike are on the road and see the smoke, which they follow.  Carly jumps in front of Cliffjumper before Skywarp can send him "to the Black" when Optimus arrives to save them.  

The battle sequence is fantastic.  Skywarp opens a portal and sticks his arm through it, punching Optimus from behind.  Meanwhile, Sparky and Danny the bartender fire a RPG at Optimus, ripping open his arm.  Skywarp grabs said arm, exacerbating the damage, as Sparky tells the men to pour on the fire.  Spike starts running to help Optimus...

...and, in a truly shocking scene, we watch a bullet tear through Spike.  I honestly gasped when I saw it.  Johnson's art is so kinetic, the impact just floored me.  Given it's a reboot, I really thought that Johnson might've really killed Spike.  Optimus and Sparky clearly thought along the same lines, as Sparky calls on everyone to hold their fire.

Optimus looses his shit and attacks Skywarp, amazingly ripping off his broken arm to beat him with it.  After defeating Skywarp, Optimus looks upon Spike's blood covered body and thinks about the deer he killed.  Sparky arrives and pulls a gun on Optimus, and Optimus transforms holding Spike, telling Sparky to get in the cab so they can go save his boy.  Is Spike going to be a cyborg?

I am all on board here, folks.

Eight-Month-Old Comics!: The November 1 Top-Shelf Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

No/One #6:  Honestly, if No/One hadn't saved Julia last episode, I'd think she was No/One at this point.

After all, we learn here that No/One isn't any of the three suspects The Drop named last issue, because Copycat #3 shoots Harmon, kills Kemp, and attacks Alejandro.  

In other words, it's a lot.

The issue begins at PPD HQ, where Ben is trying to convince McGarrity to give him a couple of men to surveil Aaron because he can't keep him under 24/7 watch by himself.  McGarrity declines because it's too political, which seems bullshit to me, particularly for a guy who was so eager to nail Aaron to the wall.  Frustrated, Ben talks to Harper and Singh, who tell him they have no evidence connecting Aaron to his lawyer's murder.  Suddenly, a cop interrupts, and we learn Copycat #3 shot Harmon.

At the Ledger, Teddy finds Julia trying to get in touch with Donovan Kemp and Alejandro, though Teddy assures her that he's already spoken with people about getting them protection.  Ben arrives and asks why they named Vince a suspect, and Teddy is a dick to him, saying that he doesn't have time to hold his hand.  Ben insists Aaron could've been the shooter, revealing that he's tailed Aaron for weeks but lost him the previous day.

At Noah Kemp's office, his staff are trying to convince him to pull his proposed legislation authorizing "preemptive" self-defense.  One of the staffers, though, shows everyone a clip from Alaina Page's show.  (Her show starts with this introduction:  "Welcome back to the Wall.  Reporting from the parapets, I'm Alaina Page."  Amazing.)  Page comes out swinging for Kemp's bill and then crucifies Kenneth Chbosky, whom FOC hired as a contributor.  (The live reenactment of their fight on the podcast is worth a listen.)  Suddenly, someone interrupts Kemp's meeting to inform him what we learn on the next page, that someone killed Donovan.

With two suspects dead, fucking JC arrives to "touch base" with Julia.  She asks where Alejandro is, and JC admits they can't find him.  She loses her shit on Teddy and JC, who has the audacity to tell her to relax.  She quits.

At Alejandro's gym, Copycat #3 is ready to kill Alejandro when No/One arrives.  No/One tells Alejandro to run, which he does, but he then returns.  He finds the gym in shambles and a wounded No/One.  Alejandro brings No/One to No/One's car and drives from the scene as cops arrive.  No/One loses consciousness, and Alejandro may, or may not, have gotten a look under the helmet.  No/One tells Alejandro to leave, which he does.

On the podcast, the only new revelation is that Harmon survived the shooting and confirmed the assailant used a .38 Special, which means it's Richard Roe and, as such, not Aaron Kern (allegedly).  Of note, Alejandro doesn't admit to the press that No/One got shot.  To me, the most important part is Noah Kemp's tear-filled rant about how the vultures in the press - i.e., Julia and Teddy - are responsible for his little brother's murder.  It's important, because it reminds us that we're dealing with (in this world) real people and the body count is pretty insane right now.  In addition, Patton Oswalt does a great job of walking through Teddy's grief over how his failure to say no to the Ledger's Powers That Be resulted in Julia getting blamed for Copycat #3's attacks on Harmon, Donovan Kemp, and Alejandro.

Honestly, I have no idea where we go from here, which is awesome.

The Sacrificers #4:  This issue is more linear than Remender's usual ones.

Pigeon's grief-stricken parents are sitting quietly as the village - including their other children - celebrates around them.  Pigeon's sister asks her father why he's sad, which makes sense given he always told her Pigeon was going to a better place.  The father later gets drunk and rants at his fellow villagers, asking why they celebrate the loss of a child and demanding to know what the gods sacrifice.  It's devastating.

Meanwhile, in Rokos' palace, the Foreman tells Rokos that the blue liquid is his finest work, brewed from a new recipe.  (Uh-oh.)  Rokos ignores him and asserts that it's the same recipe it's also been when he addresses the "Lords of Harlos."  Notably, he claims he made the liquid and invites the other Lords to partake of it, delivering the same pablum that they've earned it for keeping the world "perfect."  He invites a toast to Luna who "lives apart from [them] to balance [his] light with night."  Luna refuses the liquid, decrying the Lords as parasites feasting on innocents' blood and smashing her glass to the floor.  (Team Luna, obviously.)

After Luna leaves, Rokos ridicules her for "crumbling in her gray land of pious dust."  He and the rest of the Lords drink the liquid, instantly becoming younger, to Soluna's horror.  Fueling the implication the Foreman did something to the liquid, he departs in a rush, and Soluna follows him on Rokos' flying carpet, taking Rokos' sword with her.  Again, uh-oh.

The Space Between #1:  Bechko and Luckert present an interesting premise here, as we meet the inhabitants of the Dodona, an asteroid-cum-starship taking Earth's remaining humans (and some animals) to a new planet after Earth's destruction.

We begin with Revla, a pilot, saving another pilot from crashing into the Dodona despite her commander's order not to do so.  Revla exposits that it doesn't matter if the Dodona's brass court-martial her, since they're set to "pair" her soon and she doesn't think they'll let her fly pregnant.  

For her actions, "they" put her in confinement, but she escapes below the "starline," which refers to line on the Dodona below which you can no longer see the stars.  Now below decks, Revla meets Les, one of the workers who maintain the algae the Dodona uses for food and oxygen.  Like Rose in "Titanic," Revla is stunned to see the number of people living below the line, making it clear the two sides of the line don't mix.

Also like "Titanic," the glimpses we see of the inhabitants above the line (i.e., the pilot class) show a brutal society of competitors whereas the workers below the line (i.e., the maintenance class) live in a communist Utopia.  For example, Revla is worried Les is going to turn her into the authorities for a reward, and he breaks it to her that they don't have credits below the line.

Les introduces Revla to his "purposive" June and her partner Neve who asks whether it's really true that the inhabitants above the line are nothing but breeding pairs.  Revla makes a half-hearted attempt to defend her culture as fighting for the future, and Neve asks why everyone is sacrificing for a future on a round rock instead of the present on an oblong one?  Fair enough, Neve.

Les figures out a way to get Revla topside, and she brings him with her to see the stars, which he admits his parents and grandparents likely never saw.  (Ah, inequality.  It's baked into us.)  The pair kiss, but suddenly guards appear and seize them.  As a crowd "'casts" (i.e., broadcasts) their arrest, someone comments how they didn't even know the workers were real.  

Revla now realizes the Dodona's leadership has put in place restrictions well beyond the original "Edicts" establishing, "To every passenger, a duty."  She 'casts a message to this effect, which starts an uprising below the line.  Les helps when a reporter interviews him and talks about saving the most beautiful woman alive when she fell from the stars.

We then move briskly through four years, as the ongoing uprising forces the Council to listen.  After four years, they release Les from prison.  He brings June and Neve with their new baby, which they can now have, to see the stars with Revla flying amongst them.

As I said, it's an interesting premise.  The execution is also pretty solid, so I'm intrigued to see where it goes.

Star Wars #40:  Oof.  This issue is excessively talky.  

We go on deep dives into Lando's psyche, but the issue is really just about him returning to Home One to convince Leia to send a small strike force (him, her, Chewie, and Luke) to Epikonia to free Lobot.  (Lando knows Lobot is on Epikonia because he has a tracker on him.)  Lando doesn't mention the fact that he has the Talky to Leia, so I wonder where he stashed him?  Is he stupid enough to bring him on the Falcon with him?  Probably.

The only real action, though, is a strange sequence where Lando turns off the Falcon's navicomputer because a droid core runs it and crashes into a cluster of communications arrays to slow down the Falcon enough to land.  Can he really not control the Falcon without the navicomputer?

Eight-Month-Old Comics!: The October 4 Top-Shelf Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

The Sacrificers #3:  Ho boy.  This issue confirms this story goes where we all probably suspected it was going, as the first group of children make their sacrifice.

In the land of the gods (or whatever they are), Soluna narrates their arrivals at the Harvest Gala, which happens every 20 years.  She refers to them as the lords of "every municipality," though her descriptions evoke god-like portfolios, such as Kronious' position as lord of labor and gears or Mithera's as paramour of climate.  Soluna notes she'll enter this world one day but swears to her hog-like companion Doto that she won't become one of them.

A trill of excitement falls over the Gala as Queen Luna, master of the tides, arrives.    (She looks like Cassandra Nova if she were made of water.)  Soluna is joyfully surprised Luna came, and Luna engages in barbs with Xia as she crosses the room

In the daycare center-like room we saw at the end of issue #2, the Sacrificers enjoy a puppet show and games, and Noom introduces Pigeon to tag.  Later, Pigeon confesses to Noom that he's waiting for the other shoe to drop, and she encourages him to "never waste what precious time we have predicting the wreckage of the future."  Fair point, Noom.

Suddenly, a troop of Oompa Loompa-esque men whisk away several children for the first "feast."  Noom is one of the ones these hype men choose (as is Blond), and she encourages Pigeon to work on his faith so they'll choose him next time.  The men lead the chosen Sacrificers into a colorful salon with '50s-esque hair dryers.  I'll admit I became instantly worried, a feeling the hope on Blond's face only exacerbated.

The "beauticians" work on the children until flipping a switch, at which point the "hair dryers" suck the life from them.  For some reason, no one switched on Noom's, so she panics when she sees the husks next to her.  They force her into a chair to die like the others, and one of the beauticians laments that Noom's terror means they'll only get fear from her.  Looking at a tube, she comments that she knows" someone who adores the stuff."

The beauticians then pull levers that drop the kids' bodies into grates below the floor. Meanwhile, their energy is literally distilled into a blue liquid the gods drink at the Gala as they exclaim they ask only for the one small sacrifice so everyone (else) can live "in return for life on a perfect world."

Remender, man.

Star Wars:  Bounty Hunters #39:  Poor Kligson.  It must be hard to be messianic and an idiot.

Three days ago, Kligson reveals to a still-sentient Telemark that he threw in his lot with the Scourge and invited "the contagion," as Telemark calls it, to the station.  Kligson informs Telemark that Ajax returned weeks ago but left without knowing his followers were still alive, thanks to Kligson erasing the data logs.  (He's definitely an asshole, you guys.)  Telemark reminds Kligson that they saved him, and Kligson rages that they left him a cyborg, neither droid nor human.  He rips off Telemark's head, explaining why the Telemark is so...spacey.

Yesterday, on the Enigma Catalyst, Valance tells T'onga to kill him if Kligson can't restore his memories, and T'onga reluctantly agrees.

Today, T'onga looks in horror at the empty vessel into which Kligson turned Valance.  Bossk comments that Valance might've been a sleemo, but he was their sleemo.  (Heh.)  Before Valance can attack T'onga, Zuckuss saves her.  Bossk takes on Valance as Kligson exposits that he's turned Valance into the perfect empty vessel for the Scourge.  (I wonder if the Scourge gave up trying to convert Vader.  The editor's note references "Star Wars:  Dark Droids" #3, which came out October 11, so maybe.)  In return, Kligson expects the Scourge to turn him into a machine.  Meanwhile, Deathstick takes on Valance after Bossk and then it's Durge's turn.  

On Kirkeide Station, Losha's boss, Syphacc, tells her to register a new bounty hunter looking for work as he tries to fix the various problems that his droid bounty hunters have caused his clients.  Of course, said bounty hunter is Vulkorah, who's surrounded herself with tooka cats, including one she calls Furball Two.  (Oof, Vulkroah.  Sacks seems to change her personality with each arc, but this iteration - the carefree bounty hunter looking to make friends - feels too far removed from the brutal striver we originally met.)  

Losha is obviously pissed, and Vulkorah hands Losha her gun and invited Losha to killl her as revenge for the Furball's loss.  (Again, this part doesn't feel believable at all.  The Vulkorah we've seen hasn't sacrificed all she has just to let someone shoot her.)  But their discussion gets interrupted when possessed droids grab Syphacc, who's a hybroid.  Losha and Vulkorah manage to save him, but Losha realizes that, if the droids are after cyborgs, T'onga and the crew are in trouble.

Meanwhile, at the Haven, T'onga and the crew are definitely in trouble as they're now fighting off the Scourge-possessed droids.  Kligson bids farewell to the Haven as the droids load Valance onto a shuttle, but the Scourge informs him that he's not coming, because he's too human.  Durge then crushes his head and hilariously wipes the blood on Zuckuss' robe.  Ha!  Good riddance.

Devastated, T'onga pledges to go after Valance, though Khel is pissed, asking how many people have to die to save Valance.  T'onga tells her that they're done trying to save him:  they have to kill him.  Oof.  T'onga gets the short end of every stick.

Star Wars:  Darth Vader #39:  This issue is excellent.  Pak uses the "Star Wars:  Dark Droids" event to tease out an unexpected truth about Vader.

On Mustafar, Arex, Gee-Ninety, and Ought-Six are looking for Zed.  Arex warns Vader that Zed may've fallen to the Scourge, and "Zed" arrives and confirms the Scourge possesses him.  "Zed" then unleashes an enormous octuptarra droid on Vader, which "Zed" exposits is (conveniently) immune to Vader's staff's bolts and (somehow) the kyberite shield's blasts.  (Sure, OK.)  The Scourge then notes Vader could dismantle the octuptarra piece by piece if he had control over his powers, which he clearly doesn't.  We're then treated to the rare spectacle of Vader getting his ass handed to him.

Arex leaps to Vader's defense, attacking "Zed," who takes him down quickly.  "Zed" exposits that he can't control Arex because he used all his resources on the octuptarra, but he'll consume him and the other droids once his fleet arrives and expands his operating capabilities.  Arex goes after "Zed" again, and the Scourge scans his mind, learning the Jedi phrase, "Hate leads to suffering."  Vader emerges from his battle and corrects it to the Sith version, "Hate leads to power."  The Scourge comments that Vader is so full of hate and "so lacking in power."  OMFG, can you believe anyone spoke to Vader that way?  Like, I was nervous for the Scourge!

Figuring more hate means more power, Arex and Gee-Ninety attack Vader (Ought-Six wisely sits out that round).  Realizing Vader is just returning their fire, Arex beseeches Vader to think about who he really hates.  I was honestly kind of awed by the way Pak presented this sequence of flashback leading here:  hating himself the most, Vader ditches the staff and shield and uses his powers directly to take out the octuptarra.  

Misunderstanding, the Scourge gloats that Vader hates him (the Scourge) the most.  Arex tells the Scourge that he's nothing and the Force is everything.  After destroying "Zed's" body, Vader destroy's Arex's, committing, "No, droid.  I am everything."

But it isn't over.  Vader gets into his bacta tank and communicates with the Emperor, who comments that he finally dug enough to find himself, "the person you hate the most."  In a surprise twist, though, Vader says that he looked deeper, and the Emperor laughs, realizing Vader means him, and comments, laughing, "Ah.  Then I will see you soon."

Seriously, it's a great fucking issue, one of the series' best.  After the long nightmare of the Sabé arc, it's marvelous to experience this sort of issue that channels Vader's unstoppable determination and energy.

Transformers #1:  Y'all, this series is *not* your father's (i.e, my) Transformers, which I mean in the best possible way.  I'll also say upfront that this issue merits a second read as Johnson drops us into the story in media res.

We begin with Spike finding Sparkplug at the VFW hall, where he's been drinking since noon.  Danny the bartender provides that last bit of information to Spike, pissing off Sparkplug and making it clear that folks are worried about him.  Sparkplug is even more annoyed when he sees Spike with "Jimmy's" telescope, telling him it's best to "forget all that."  "All that" is clearly the fact that Spike's brother Jimmy was an astronaut who died when his space shuttle exploded, an image we see on the first page along with Sparkplug's war memories and Optimus Prime's lifeless body on the Ark as it plummets to earth.

Sparkplug and Spike's conversation is interrupted when Sparkplug's coworker, Davey, comes to give him a lift to work.  (I'm guessing Sparkplug has a DUI or a few.)  Still annoyed, Sparkplug tells Spike that he has to grow up, and Spike retorts, "...and be like you?"  Oof.  It's hard to see them this way.  

Carly overhears this exchange, waiting for Spike next to her kick-ass van.  As planned, they head up Hanger's Rock as night falls to use Jimmy's telescope to look at the full moon.  Carly is an artist, which we learn when she tells Spike how her dad got her the new airbrush she used to draw the fantasy scene on her van).  Underscoring the tension with Sparkplug, Spike is apparently applying to Berkeley to become an astronaut.  Carly talks about how she and her dad are working to try to make the money happen for art school and, in a lovely moment, takes Spike's hand and says that she wished it was easy for him.

Then we get underway.  An earthquake of sorts happens suddenly, and Carly and Spike fall into a sinkhole.  They crawl to the light to find themselves in one of the Ark's engines.  (One criticism I have here is that I'm not sure how this part happened.  Spike and Carly fall down a vertical shaft but the Ark crashed perpendicularly to the mountain.  So I don't know how they land horizontally if they fell vertically.)  The engine is (oddly) connected directly to the Ark's bridge, where Carlie and Spike stumble upon the non-functioning Transformers.

While looking for an exit, Carlie and Spike are surprised when Jetfire arrives.  (One of the benefits of re-reading the issue is that I caught one of the barflies telling an unbelieving Danny that he saw Jetfire, based on his description.)  Jetfire exposits that he used his remaining power to trigger the earthquake to reveal the Ark and then enters a data disc, which looks like a VHS tape, into Teletraan One.  

The disc clearly contains Earth vehicle forms, and Jetfire first resurrects his old friend Starscream, who immediately blasts Bumblebee in the face.  Jetfire is appalled, and Starscream informs him that they've been at war with the Autobots for a century.  Meanwhile, Teletraan is now randomly resurrecting Transformers, and Optimus awakens.  Meanwhile, Starscream shoots Jetfire.  Pointing to an Autobot insignia and sounding like a Nazi, Starscream says that it's the sign of "true evil" and they must be "vigilant in wiping it out."

Optimus then punches him, shouting, "Never."  He tells Starscream that he thought he was a warrior, not someone who'd shoot helpless beings (like Bumblebee).  Starscream retorts that he does whatever it takes and launches himself at Optimus.  Carly and Spike make a break for it, though Optimus sees them.  Spike introduces himself (yes, in the middle of the fight) and Optimus shields them as Starscream opens fire.  Ratchet and Skywarp, now revived, join the fray.  Starscream orders Skywarp to bring Decepticons in front of Teletraan's ray, and Optimus orders Ratchet to load the Autobot's bodies into his trailer.  Seeing his gun, Optimus goes to work.

Soundwave then awakens (all hail) and opens fire.  Prime stumbles upon Bumblebee's body and cradles it in mourning as Spike watches.  Starscream ridicules him for mourning the weakest Autobot, and Soundwave dispatches Ravage as Optimus reaches for his gun.  Spike bolts to push it toward him even though Carly, who helps, thinks he's nuts.  With the gun, Optimus shoots Ravage and engages in fisticuffs with Starscream and Skywarp as Teletraan rebuilds Thundercracker and (yes!) Reflector.  With little choice, Optimus destroys Teletraan.  Optimus then runs like he's in a, well, Michael Bay movie, cradling Carly and Spike with fire billowing behind him.  

With all the Auotbots loaded, Optimus and Ratchet transform and burn rubber with the Seekers in pursuit.  A weakened Jetfire transforms to help Optimus, engaging the Seekers in battle.  Skywarp tells Starscream that his energon's too low to fight, but Starscream correctly notes they've never been so close to ending the Autobots for good.  But he admits in a fury they can't continue.

Spike directs the Autobots to the old quarry, and a dying Jetfire apologizes that he didn't know Optimus was the new prime.  Optimus goes to use the Matrix to heal him (fascinating), but Ratchet stops him, saying Jetfire is too far gone.  Jetfire rues the fact that he spent centuries searching for a way to heal Cybertron (interesting) and asks if Cybertron has any hope.  Optimus admits he doesn't know, and a devastated Jetfire dies lamenting that "everything will die."  Oof. 

At the Ark, Soundwave tells an irate Starscream that he can't fix Teletraan without more energon and raw materials.  That said, Laserbeak found the kind of fuel they need to create energon, and Skywarp and Soundwave tell him he has to retrieve it because he has the most energon.  Soundwave begins saying, "It's what Megatron would've done," but Starscream cuts off the sentence at "Meg--," reminding them that he's the Decepticon's leader.

At an oil rig, Davey tries to intervene with Sparkplug, telling him that Spike needs him.  Sparkplug is furious, telling him that he doesn't understand.  As Sparkplug tells Davey to keep his "naive opinions to himself," Starscream attacks, complaining about how he's tired, too, and pissed he has to get the energon himself.  (It's pretty hilarious.  It's like a workplace comedy.)  Davey runs for his car, but Starscream grabs him and Sparkplug watches as he crushes him to a pulp.  We end the issue with a bloodsplattered Starscream laughing about the pathetic humans.

In other words, it's great.  Johnson's art is as kinetic as his script.  Honestly, if we only got these issues every two months to give him time to deliver this sort of performance, I would be totally fine by that.  This issue alone reinvigorates the Transformers, giving us the type of story that I haven't seen since the original.  Also, as someone who broke his Optimus Prime's leg as an elementary school student, I am so fucking right there with Johnson.  RIP Optimus.

Nine-Month-Old Comics!: The September 6 Top-Shelf Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Damn, it's a dark week, comic-wise.  Get ready.

Kill Your Darlings #1:  Whoa, this series isn't kidding.  When burning a witch at the stake is an issue's least creepy event, you know you've got a road ahead.

 

The issue begins with the aforementioned burning, which happens in 1692.  The alleged witch in question begs her father to save her, to which he simply responds, "It must be done."  

We then immediately move to 1995 and the imaginary land of our protagonist, Rose.  She's a warrior princess surrounded by her loyal subjects (i.e., her stuffed animals) and wielding the mighty sword, Francine.  Her favorite stuffed animal is Wallace, an elephant dressed in safari gear and who speaks in an Australian accent.  

Deciding General Slithers' army is too strong, she calls time and seeks help from her mother.  The bright colors of Rose's imaginary land (dubbed Rosewood) fade to the sepia tones of reality as we overhear her mother trying to renegotiate a bill.  Rose's mother seems a doting one, regretting that she can't play with Rose as she has to call more people to whom she owes money.  In an attempt to lighten the mood, she suggests pancakes for dinner.  Rose grabs some aluminum foil and creates the Silver Flame of Kichendror, which prophecy says is important.  She tasks some of her best stuffed animals...er, troops...to guard it.

After winning the war, Rose invites her enemies from the Isle of Monsters to a party, though Wallace reminds her she should focus on some disappearances in the North.  Disturbingly, Rose tells Wallace she doesn't remember them, though their conversation is interrupted her mom knocks on the door to tell her to go to bed.  Rose wants to leave on her lava lamp, but Rose's mom tells her that she can only keep it going five minutes because it's a fire hazard.

The next day, Rose's friend Elliott shares some Beat-em-Beasts cards he found at the mall.  She updates him on Rosewood signing the peace treaty.  Her friend asks why she never plays in his world, to which she replies it doesn't make sense.  He agrees.  She mentions Wallace's comment about the disappearances, and Elliott says he has to help his dad with his mother, who's apparently sick.  Elliott goes home but, before departing, tells Rose to tell her mom that she needs cards so they can battle.  

At home, Rose looks for her mom, finding her apron from work and some still smoldering cigarettes.  Her mom tells her she's too tired to play, so Rose goes to her room.  Shit gets weird here.  Rose appears to lose control of her body as she smashes the crayon she used to draw the party she held for the monsters.  The drawing now depicts all her subjects dead, and, in the imaginary world, Rose sees the blood and a crumbling castle.  In the real world, someone has torn her stuffed animals limb from limb.

Rose makes her way into the basement where a voice speaks to her,  It's in a creepy black and yellow word bubble, telling her that a "great and terrible evil swept through this land" and that it "took pleasure in the deaths of your friends."  Terrifyingly, its large hands emerge from the cave where Rose confronts it in her imaginary land, confirming the voice belongs to the great and terrible evil.  Before we can see it fully, Rose bolts, only to find her castle in flames.  

Suddenly, in reality, Elliott is shaking Rose as she stands outside in the rain.  His dad asks if she's OK but, then, disturbingly, utters, "Did you...what did you do?"  Someone mentions she heard screaming, and Rose turns to the burning house, asking where her mom is.

The authors do a great job of making it really unclear what the truth - if there is one - is.  For example, they provide a number of options on how the fire started, from Rose's lava lamp to her mom's cigarettes to a crazed (or possessed) Rose setting it.  It's also connected to the fire that burned the "witch," making her a possible Rose descendant.  I'm not sure how all these threads are going to come together, but the authors clearly are, which is exciting.

The Sacrificers #2:  In typical Remender fashion, this issue goes in a different direction than you expect.

The sacrificers' chain gang arrives in a village filled with shark-like humanoids, who are ecstatic to see them.  A priest opens a temple doors to reveal "Noom and her holy wardens."  Noom walks down a green carpet as the citizens bless her and the harvest, calling her the "Luminous One" and "Messiah of Hope."  As you can imagine, Pigeon looks on these festivities with confusion.  The gang's foreman asks if Noom gives herself freely, and she offers her wrists to him.

The gang then trudges through a variety of environments; at one point, a farmer takes his daughter's hand and runs when she asks who they are.  At camp that night, one of the sacrificers ask what they're sacrificing, prompting the exchange of several gruesome hypotheses:  "they'll" feed them to an Aquatica's gargantuan in the Gloom Sea, they'll fight each other in the Luna arena, "they'll" bleed them out slowly in a "macabre ritual.   A blond, feral human child says they're all fools:  they're going to march them over the Veil Cliffs and throw them into a volcano to "burn in Rokos' light," which seems plausible based on last issue.

Noom tells them to be silent so everyone can eat in peace, and Pigeon reveals a scrap of bread that he has left.  Noom pities that he has so little food, and Pigeon sheepishly says his sister gave it to him.  A ginger, feral human child threatens to beat Pigeon for it, and Noom tells Red to eat her own food.  Red says she was raised in a cage, watching five other children starve to death in front of her.  Blond says he was tossed into a pit on his third birthday to eat rats and moss.  

Appalled, Noom reveals a horde of food that her people sent with her, and the children launch themselves at it.  Noom is stunned, noting that they are connected to the "destiny of life" itself and their chains simply represent their devotion to God.  According to her, the "sacrifice" is they'll never again see their families.  No one will kill them:  they're going to run the mortal Senate for the gods.  The feral children laugh at her, and Red says each family sacrifices a child to underscore the gods are boss.  (Again, after seeing them last issue, I'll buy that.)  She attacks Noom, but Pigeon stops her, saying they're all scared because they don't know their fate.

On the harrowing climb the next day, Noom insists to Pigeon that it's a test of their devotion, though she's shaken when they put hoods over their heads.  Later, a voice tells them to let go of who they were as the hoods are removed and a paradise-like room awaits them, prompting Noom to tell them she was right.  It's Remender, though, so she clearly isn't.

Star Wars:  Dark Droids #2:  Soule moves us into the logical next phase as the Scourge decides that he needs to take over the “meat” now that he’s succeeded in taking over the “metal.”  

Through the Scourge's narration, we learn he came close to taking over the meat the last time he was conscious, but a group of Sith (interesting not just *two* Sith, hinting at his age) stopped him and imprisoned him in the Fermata Cage.  He makes it clear that a hunger drives him, one he knows the metal alone can’t sate on its own.  His goal is take over all the metal and meat so that, at that point, he won’t need to feed any longer.  (I’ll note here that we don’t know who programmed the Scourge, though you may know if you read “Star Wars:  Doctor Aphra.”) 

The Scourge is aware of someone named Fyzen Gor and his efforts to create cyborgs, but he can’t find enough information about him.  As such, he decides to pursue the Force to accomplish his plans, since it’s what stopped him last time.  He takes over Threepio and spaces Artoo and then uses Threepio to interrogate Luke about the Force.  Luke says he believes the Force flows through droids as living things though he isn’t aware of a droid ever using the Force.  The Scourge asks if he feels the Force through his artificial hand, calling him a cyborg.  Luke answers that he doesn’t really feel the Force localized in that way and takes umbrage at the idea that he’s a cyborg, telling "Threepio" that he isn’t like Darth Vader.  Now aware of Vader, the Scourge sets his sight on Vader, the perfect combination of metal with Force-wielding meat.  Ruh-roh.

Meanwhile, Ajax dispatches Gertee to destroy the Star Destroyer where the Scourge resides, hoping to end its threat before the meat discover the Second Revelation’s existence.  The Scourge also hopes to act before the meat can end him, an interesting unifying concept for them:  avoid the destructive meat at all cost.