Seven-Month-Old Comics!: The April 17 Top-Shelf Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Blade Runner 2039 #12:  Happily, Johnson ends on a high note here as we get to see Ash and Niander Wallace, Jr. circle each other like prize fighters.  Like any good fight, it ends in a draw, the future uncertain.

Starting right where we left off last issue, Wallace, Jr. again promises to heal Ash.  His price?  Isobel.  He calls in a good squad of five Replicants I vaguely recognize, and Ash tells him that she has bullets for everyone.  Wallace, Jr. promises not to hurt Isobel, and Ash tells him, in a very Ash-like way, that Isobel's life isn't Ash's to barter.  Wallace, Jr. then orders his minions to take out Ash and tells a still hogtied Luv that he'll return for her.

Outside, Wallace, Jr. enters his spinner to find another goon unconscious or dead and Ash in the driver's seat.  Ash confirms the "Ash" inside is Rash, and Wallace, Jr. ponders the fact that he hasn't, in fact, perfected the obedience protocol.  As Ash and Wallace, Jr. head "home," Rash takes out the goons and then stares at Luv, repeating her statement that she has enough bullets.  It's the last time we see Luv, and it isn't clear if Rash frees or kills her.

Ash lands at a destroyed apartment and informs Wallace, Jr. that it's the private sanctum of Dr. Eldon Tyrell, where he was murdered.  Wallace, Jr. repeats his offer, telling Ash she'll die within a year if she doesn't accept his help.  Ash tells him that her conditions for keeping him alive are to leave Cleo and Isobel alone and stop making Replicant Blade Runners.  As he finds a piece of origami, Wallace, Jr. simply says, "Checkmate."  

But he asks Ash what'll keep him to his promise after she dies, and she tells him that he'll be too busy.  She hands him Selwyn's research, which obviates his need for Isobel.  Wallace, Jr. is stunned, and Ash says she wants him to make so many Replicants who'll then make Replicants that they eventually outnumber the humans.  Wallace, Jr. asserts that he'll control them and, recalling Rash, Ash notes that he's too arrogant.

Later, Ash sends Cleo and Isobel on their way, this time with Rash, who'll protect them.  Sitting on a rooftop ledge, Freysa is furious that Ash gave Wallace, Jr. "the future."  Ash tells her that she'd do it again and is just glad she gets to spend that future with Freysa.  Yay!  I was worried these two weren't going to make it.

In her narration that ends the series, Ash says that she doesn't really know if she'll die within a year or "ten more" (an important number, obviously, since it'd bring us to 2049), but she's grateful for whatever time she gets.  I was just grateful to spend this time with Ash.  It's been a spectacular series of series from start to finish, and I can't wait to see where Johnson goes with this world.

Cobra Commander #4:  First things first, part of this series' charm is Milana's art, which perfectly matches Williamson's script in its mysteries and shadows.

The issue begins with a terrified Dreadnok opening a cap to an underground bunker for CC who makes his way through the tunnel as a voice tells him that he's working as fast as he can and begs him not to hurt him.  CC discovers the Dreadnoks were keeping a crazy scientist locked in the tunnel.

Zander, Zarana, and Buzzer are hiding from Protector, and Zander proposes they use "the Juice" against him, given its explosive nature.  Shoving Buzzer into Protector's path, Zandar beelines for the Dreadnoks' base as Zarana searches for any still-living Dreadnok, calling after Zandar that they can't leave behind their family.  Zander's plan works long enough for him to get an airboat, and Zarana manages to get Buzzer and Torch on it as they escape.

In the laboratory, the scientist tells CC the Dreadnoks harvested Energon in its raw form and he found a way to covert it into energy.  CC observes the scientist has more Energon than the swamps could provide, and the scientist says he learned to use other forms of radiation to expand it (though he admitted he can't duplicate it).  CC puts four spider-bots drones on a lab table, and the scientist uses Energon to charge them.

CC heads topside where he encounters Protector, whom he finally calls by his name, Nemesis.  CC orders the guy who opened the cap for him to give him the name of all the Dreadnok's buyers.  He then tells Nemesis that it's time to leave, but Nemesis turns on him now that the mission is complete.  CC is outraged Golobulus betrayed him, though I'm not entirely sure Nemesis isn't acting on his own.  

But CC is no slouch and attacks Nemesis with a chainsaw.  Nemesis tries to rip off CC's mask, shrugging off the electrical charge that accompanies the attempt.  Nemesis flies CC into the air and drops him.  Surviving the fall, CC insults Nemesis for thinking CC didn't see this betrayal coming and has his spider-bots form an Iron Man-esque glove.  He then inserts a container of Energon into it and blasts Nemesis in half.

In the swamp, the Dreadnok from the cap is still running, but CC finds him.  The Dreadnok tells him his face looks like puke, and CC forces him to confess they only had one buyer:  Destro.  Dun-dun-DUN!

Kill Your Darlings #8:  This issue probably should've been two issues or an even longer extended issue, as Parker and Sheridan are forced to rush through some sequences given how much ground they cover here.  For example, I would've liked for Quinn to have more space to show the final confrontation between the Witch's minions and the Rosewoodians, which mostly gets crammed into a single page with too many panels.  All that said, it's still a satisfying ending to a great saga.

In a distant land, Wallace tells President Mayor Starlight that he and the Rosewoodians are going to set sail the next morning as the Great Evil is on their trail.  Wallace thanks Starlight for keeping them safe as well as harboring...something all these years.

On a nearby beach, Rose is trying to use the Witch's spell book to cast spells, to no avail.  Elliott tries to comfort a frustrated Rose, but she rants that she needs to learn these spells so she can send Elliott home.  Elliott tells her that he isn't going "home."  When Rose starts talking about his family, he tells her that he's been watching his family wither slowly in front of him his entire life.  He couldn't help his mom as she slid into dementia or his dad as he slid into alcoholism.  But he can save the other person he loves:  Rose.  He tells Rose that if he returns to Earth to water his mother's garden, it'll be with Rose.  Rose impulsively kisses him and then they sit together in an awkward if companionable silence.

Interrupting the moment (welcomely), Wallace arrives with a shattering crystal, which Rose recognizes as the Silver Flame of Kichendror (the item Starlight kept hidden).  The crystal starts to crack, and we see an eye peek at us through the opening.

We then fast-forward eight years.  The Witch is sitting on a throne surrounded by the ghosts of her fellow witches that she couldn't save.  We watch as a desiccated Evil bursts into the throne room to tell the Witch that Rose is coming.  Rose enters, and the Witch tells her that she shouldn't have come by herself.  Rose responds, in a wonderful moment that shows how much she's grown, "Oh, Eleanor, when have I ever been alone?"

On cue, outside, Wallace and the Rosewoodians attack the Witch's minions, who are the captured Rosewoodians that the Witch has changed to look like villagers (as she did last issue with he "parents").  Wallace hits one of them with an arrow that has a glowing purple potion at its tip, and the potion turns the villager back into its Rosewoodian self.  In the castle, the Witch gives her waning power to Evil, who grows several stories tall, exploding from the castle.  The Witch gloats, recalling Rose's fear when she first confronted Evil in that cave.  But her gloating doesn't last, as a bright eagle-like creature (i.e., the Silver Flame of Kichendror), with a bearded and sexy AF Elliott riding her, attacks Evil.

The Witch then attacks Rose, who bring out Francine MK 2.  We see all the battles taking place, in the aforementioned busy panel, as the Rosewoodians deliver more potions.  The Witch traps Rose in vines, but Rose reminds her she read her book and returns the favor.  Encasing the Witch in a cage made of vines, Rose tells her it ends her way, with no more bloodshed.  

Rose recalls that her mother told her that you have to make friends with your monsters and ponders whether they're all not monsters.  She undoes the vine cage and tells the Witch that she's sorry for what her mother did and the pain she left behind her.  Rose tells the Witch she always wanted to hate her mother, but she just found herself missing her instead.  She confesses she wants to hate the witch, too, but she read her book and knows how much pain she's suffered.  She tells the Witch she probably imagines there isn't much human left inside her, and the Witch expresses shock that Rose is willing to free her after all she's done.  Rose tells the Witch that she can't forgive her all her sins, but she can forgive what she's done to her.

The Witch says it doesn't make sense, and Rose says she should know that nothing does.  She talks about how she created all theses stories because she needed to make sense of everything.  She thought the Witch was just the villain who tried to steal her story.  Returning to the comment last issue that made me laugh — the Witch telling Rose that Rose's pain was the Witch's story — Rose tells her that the story is their story.  (As she does, we see a young Rose clutching Wallace looking at a young Eleanor with fire around her feet.)

Rose then helps the Witch to her feet.  Outside, Evil gloats to Elliott that he can see in his eyes that he never left him, but, before he can kill him, the Witch tells Evil to stop.  Evil reminds the Witch she promised him deaths, and the Silver Flame strikes, ripping out Evil's heart.  A much reduced Evil tells the Witch that she broke the pact and knows what doing so means.  As Evil gloats over the pain awaiting the Witch, Rose cuts him in half with Francine Mk 2, telling the Witch that she made an exception to her "no killing" rule.

Suddenly, a portal to a "realm of Terrors" opens.  The Witch wonders if she actually birthed "this plane of blood and torment," her version of Rosewood.  Rose tells her that she doesn't have to enter the portal, and the Witch responds that she broke a blood oath with "their kind."  Her soul is her penance, but she notes that she's always felt at home among the flames.  As she enters, the Witch tells Rose that she's sorry for the horror she inflicted on the Wilderlands and hopes Rose can save it to make it all mean something.

Later, Rose and Elliott joins the Rosewoodians.  The "villagers" aren't right in the head, as Wallace notes, saying they're going to need help.  Recalling the first time she created Rosewood — on the back of a menu at the diner where her mother worked, after her mother asked her to draw Wallace's homeland — Rose tries to save Rosewood.  Unfortunately, she can't.  

As Rose and Wallace lament her failure, though, a door to Earth suddenly opens.  They all walk through it, and Elliott wonders if the Rosewoodians are going to break people's brains.  But a little girl runs to Wallace and throws her arms around him as the rest of the Rosewoodians enter.

In an epilogue, 16 years later, Rose works on lesson plans as Elliott happily works in the garden.  Her son draws a picture where he's an astronaut facing a Star Eater, who's scary.  Rose then draws a large sword in the astronaut's hand and says, "Doesn't look so scary to me."

I mean, I'm exhausted just writing this review, let alone what it would've been like to live the story told here.  As I said, I wish Parker and Sheridan had more pages to tell this story, because I still feel like we rushed past important moments.  But they still stick the landing.  In the end, it's a story of broken people who don't always respond to adversity in the best way.  In the end, though, Rose had her friends and Eleanor had no one.  By understanding that, Rose is able to forgive Eleanor and save them both.

Go forth and be excellent to each other, y'all.

The Weatherman, Vol. 3 #4:  Man, this series keeps getting grimmer and grimmer.

Hovering above Venus, Jenner throws the biohphagus plague onto the frontier colony of "Resilience," with a population of 31,536 people.  

Meanwhile, in Redd Bay on Mars, a Gambit-looking figure fires sedatives into two M.S.A. guards standing watch on Nate's old apartment.  He makes his way into the apartment and searches for something.  

Elsewhere on Mars, the media are reporting on the incoming election results when they turn to a breaking news story, the arrival of the biophagus plague on Venus.  Outside the Martian president's residence, an enormous crowd gathers demanding Burga's death and for Cyrus to save them.  Burga watches the crowd and ponders aloud that she thought they could win.  Jared tries to reassure her, telling her that only 85% of the districts have reported their results.  But Burga isn't talking about the election:  she's talking about how she thought humanity would find a way to avoid what happened on Earth and that she would lead humanity to that success.  Jared expresses his faith in Burga and Agent Cross, but Burga tells him it might be time to plan for the idea that they might not make it this time.

Suddenly, Zane interrupts their conversation, saying the protestors are ready to break into the residence.  Zane recommends nuking Venus to stop the spread, though Burga notes it didn't work on Earth.  As Burga exits her office, she's met by Zane and a group of gun-toting guards aiming their weapons at her.   A coup!

Above Venus, Cross and the Marshal try to figure out why Jenner used his "magic bullet" on Venus, with its one million people, instead of dropping it on Mars, with its 10 billion people.  The Marshal hypothesizes that he's trying to amp up the dread, but they can't figure out how he's going to get the virus to Mars.  Meanwhile, White Light sees a news article about someone kidnapping a prominent physicist and throws her coffee cup at Cross' head to get her attention.  (It's pretty hilarious.)  She then points to a hypergate.

At a laboratory in a facility "elsewhere," the kidnapped physicist, Dr. Kanbe, tells Jenner that they need to activate the fusion generator in the basement to open a hypergate.  It becomes clear that they're going to send the infected Venusians through this hypergate to Mars as we see Molly herding them to the facility.  But Kanbe warns Jenner the generator will eventually collapse and informs him they'll need to open the gate once a device she hands them lights green.  Kanbe then tells Jenner that she doesn't know what Jenner is planning but demands that he keep her family safe as part of their deal.  (Really?  You don't know what he's planning to do with a hypergate, even though you know his reputation?)  Jenner pledges that they'll live out their days on a luxury space vessel (he lies, obviously) and then shoots her.

On Mars, the crowds break down the gates outside the residence, and Zane has the guards open fire.  On the team's ship, White Light identifies the facility on Mars with a strong enough power source to keep open a hypergate, and Cross calls Burga to tell her the plan.  Burga notes that hypergates are "space phenomena" that they use where they find them, and Cross informs her of Kanbe's research.  Burga promises to try to organize a strike but informs Cross of the coup and that Zane has seized the military.  Burga says it'll take an hour, and Cross says they don't have that long.  Looking at Jared's dead body (he got caught in some crossfire), Burga tells Cross it's all on her now.

As she prepares to head to the facility, Cross finds in her backpack a blood-covered piece of fabric.  It took me some re-reading to realize that it's the tie Nathan removed in issue #2 after he shot the pig.  She then has a flashback where her old boss, Fitch, tells her that their job isn't to punish the Sword of God but "save the ones that are left."

On Venus' surface, the Gambit-like figure, named Reyk, arrives and hands Cross a box, telling her that it's on the house.  She apologizes for Garren, and Reyk says that at least he's in charge now.  Telling her "greatness is for suckers," he leaves.  The Marshal  wonders why Jenner is keeping Ian alive, and Cross says that Jenner, for all his conviction, needs someone to understand him.  As such, he's going to have Ian pull the trigger, which we see on the last panel.

You guys, we are not getting a happy ending.

Eight-Month-Old Comics!: The March 20 Top-Shelf Edition - Part Two (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

If You Find This, I'm Already Dead #2:  I was skeptical of this issue as I read it, as I wasn't particularly buying Kindt's assertion that certain behaviors and stories are universal.  But the revelation at the end of the issue that a human sits at Terminus' makes all that make sense (including the homages to popular culture that I mentioned in my review of issue #1).

Robin has managed to find shelter and identify the food that doesn't make her sick.  Her next step is trying to learn the language, which eventually leads her to a religious text and thus to priests.  She comes to realize Terminus' religion is based on a pantheon of ancient gods who created Terminus as a battleground, "a kind of 'Olympics' where the gods could fight to the death."  It's here where we start seeing the parallels to Earth, with the religion's creation myth mirroring many Earth ones (though, instead of a flood of water, it's blood).

Eventually, Robin realizes that it's a death cult, but it's too late, as the priests throw her into a portal.  It turns out Terminus is a living creature, and she's a blood sacrifice.  As she moves through Terminus' digestive system, Robin gains an awareness and survives since she isn't made of the same organic materials as Terminus' other denizens.

Suddenly, she's kidnapped by the Tuning Forks who fly her to an amazing complex, with a humanoid sculpture atop it.  (Think Mount Rushmore looming over Santorini.)  The Forks bring her to the wheels that the Skrulls walk like hamsters to power Terminus.  Robin reflects on how similar this world is to Earth:  "Can it be that atrocity, exploitation, greed, lust for power...aren't just humanity's traits?  They are universal.  Literally, universally universal."

As a group of Skrulls attack her, a shaman-looking Skrull saves her.  Robin comes to realize the shaman plans on throwing people at the fence that keeps them penned, and Robin tries to convince him not to do so, since it's electrified.  But the Shaman turns out correct:  the fences can't kill everyone, and they get over the wall.  

As they make their way through catacombs filled with gardens and sculptures, Robin realizes that she fulfills some part of the plan, though the shaman doesn't have a word for her role.  Eventually she realizes that word is "human" because she arrives in a sanctum sanctorum to find a grizzled man sitting on a wire-connected throne.

Again, I found myself happy with this outcome, since it explains some of the coincidences that bothered me.  You don't often get that satisfaction in a comic, but I'll take it.

Kill Your Darlings #7:  Oof, Parker and Sheridan aren't fucking around here.

The Witch has captured two Rosewood denizens and tied them to stakes, so you know it's going to turn out well.  She casts a spell ("Change.  To bend at will.  From dream to dream."), and the denizens mutate into her parents.  Their irises are white, though the Witch's mother recognizes "Eleanor."  The Witch tells her that she isn't Eleanor anymore and the woman isn't her mother.  Setting them alight, she says, "But your pain is enough."  Seriously, someone needs therapy.

The Witch tells Evil that this world is malleable, bending at will "with a firm hand."  She expresses shock that a girl created it and informs Evil it's time to discard his "brittle form."  On cue, Elliott awakens in a jail cell, covered in blood.  He's horrified when Rose confirms that he did everything he saw.  Rose tells him that he didn't kill those people, just like she didn't kill her mother.  Elliott tells her that he was - and still is - in agony due to Evil tunneling into his brain.  Before they can escape, the prison door opens and the Witch calls to Rose to come to her.

We learn the Witch believed herself to be the last of her kind after they were hunted to extinction during the Colonial era hysteria.  (It's an interesting proposition, the idea that the hunters were successful...almost.)  The Witch tells Rose she clung to life due to "spite and hatred," but "a heart can only endure so much tragedy."  She then reveals to Rose that her mother took away her final hope, murdering her grandson.  Elliott confirms that it's true based on what he saw in Evil's head.  The Witch then confirms that she cursed her to years of "torment and misery."

Rose is appalled that the Witch and her servant Evil are behind all their suffering, though the Witch says that it isn't Rose's story, it's hers.  (Seriously, get thee to therapy, girl.)  The Witch tells Rose that she would've save her from her life of misery if she would've known she was a witch and exults that they can be free in Rosewood, "this realm of granted desires."  Rose tells her to go fuck herself at the idea that they'd work together, since she's the reason Rose's been a victim since she was eight years old.

The Witch grabs Rose's arm, and suddenly we see the Witch's younger self in the space where Rose used to go when the Witch was in control.  Rose realizes that she has Eleanor trapped in that mental space and knocks her unconscious.  Wallace arrives, and Rose grabs the Witch's spellbook and they bolt.

At the Sanctuary, the denizens are getting onto ships, with Wallace explaining Rosewood is only one kingdom in the "greater Wilderlands."  (Are there other witches who made these lands?)  Rose encounters a crying young tiger cub named Aryll, and Wallace keeps pushing everyone to the boats.  On the boat, Rose sees so many more denizens on the docks, and a devastated Wallace said that they did all they could do.  Rose sees a sad Annabelle, but  suddenly Evil splits the mountain behind the Sanctuary, destroying it.

Devastated at the idea of the denizens dying, Rose holds a terrified Aryll and tells the denizens on the ships that they'll retreat now but they're returning to settle matters.  Meanwhile, the Witch looks desperately for something (I think the spellbook) and begins vomiting purple light.

As I said, the dudes aren't fucking around here.

Star Wars:  Jango Fett #1:  In some ways, this series does a better job telling the sort of bounty hunter story I love than Sacks' "Star Wars:  Bounty Hunter" series did.  We start with an action sequence, segue into a heist, and then end with an action sequence, picking up clients and enemies along the way.

The issue begins in a "secret gambling den" on Oosalon, where Jango tells Fissure Tozan that he's claiming the bounty that the Crymorah Syndicate put on him over a sabacc debt.  Tozan notes that Jango has some big ones on him to enter a den full of assassins to claim that bounty.  Of course, Jango shows us why he's so dangerous as he takes out Tozan's cohort and flies out the skylight with Tozan in tow.  Sacks also reminds us that Jango is an asshole when he unnecessarily throws a thermal detonator, killing everyone in the den, despite the fact most of them were just gambling.

Meanwhile, on Jaloria, a bored Repubic diplomat is making a terrible speech about the Republic supporting the Anselmi and the Nautolans in making peace on Glee Anselm.  As a gesture of support, Chancellor Valorum has the Republic Museum turn over one of its most valuable artifacts, the Hope of Glee Anselm.  It's a wave with two enormous jewels on it, one the Anselmi's Sacred Firestone of King Skrawll, the other the Nautolans' Leviathan Gem.  Of course, masked raiders immediately arrive to steal the Hope.

Later, a broadcast reveals that the Republican guards killed all the thieves save the one who managed to steal the Hope.  The dead thieves' armor all self-destructed upon their death, leaving no clues.  The broadcast says it's another embarrassment for Valorum, who's struggling to broker an agreement between the Trade Federation and Naboo.  (He sure is.)

At Y3-99's Bounty Services on Halmad, Jango turns in Tozan and learns about the bounty the Republic has placed on the Hope.  (They can't use the Jedi, because Kit Fisto is Valorum and the Anselmi don't trust them.)  Whythree-ninenine sheepishly admits he handed out the bounty to several favorites, and we segue to watching a group of brutish brothers celebrating getting the bounty at the Two Blasters Bar on Daiyu.  A fellow bounty hunter takes notice, and they spill his drink to warn him not to interfere.  (Somehow the guy was able to tell the bounty was "lucrative" from its beeping.)  Unsurprisingly, the guy tracks down the brothers after they leave the bar and makes short work of them, announcing himself as Vigor Struk.

Meanwhile, at the Megalox Penitentiary on Megalox Beta in the "Expansion Region," Judicial Huijari bribes the warden to release a prisoner to help the Republic track down a "certain bounty hunter."  The prisoner?  Aurra Sing.

We then return to Halmad where a group of the armored thieves are doing something to Slave 1.  Screaming "For Glee Anselm!", they open fire on Jango.  (I guess they aren't just thieves but patriots.)  Jango shows off several fancy moves, like throwing some sort of disc on a wall and using it to ricochet a shot into a thief's face.  Contemplating Whythree-ninenine's broken body (he got caught in the cross-fire), an annoyed Jango boards Slave I.

Beyond Jango's character in and of himself, the most interesting part about this issue is the obvious mess that is the Republic.  First, we have the totally bored diplomat and the incompetent chancellor as signs of the Republic's rot.  But we also have some sort of secret conspiracy, because why else would one part of the Republic hire Jango only for another part of the Republic to spring a notorious assassin to go after him?  Also I'm not entirely sure why the thieves went after Jango on Halmad unless they're going after all the bounty hunters who took the bounty to find the Hope?  I guess we'll see.

Star Wars:  Visions - Takashi Okazaki #1:  We learn how the Ronin came upon his droid and the droid came upon his hat in this issue; namely, the Ronin slayed the droid's hat-wearing master, and the droid went with him, per a vision the master had. 

Initially, the master found the droid in a river after a battle involving TIE Fighters that happened over the village where the master lived.  In addition to the master fishing the droid's body from the river, we watch the other villagers scavenge the battle's wreckage, a reminder of the marginal existence that regular people in the Republic eke out every day.  The master's fellow villagers later note his improved mood since the droid came into his life, and they all share some laughs.

This fellowship makes it poignant as we watch the village slowly dissolve over time; after ten years it's just the master and his droid.  We never learn what kills the villagers, only that the master asks the droid to ensure he's buried with him, a sign, I guess, that even the Sith need community.  In fact, one of the most poignant moments I've read in a Star Wars comic is when the master and the droid sit silently at the memorial they've established for this friends.

Seven-Month-Old Comics!: The February 14 Top-Shelf Edition - Part Two (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Kill Your Darlings #6:  We get some answers here but, as usual, they only raise more questions.

In 1977, the Girl Who Wouldn't Burn watches her daughter play with her grandson, Alex.  Later, after murdering her daughter (we see the flesh on the right side of her face is missing), the Girl contemplates Alex's innocence and ponders letting her long life end, a life she clearly prolonged through her children's deaths (as we saw in issue #3).  She alludes that she did it to keep alive a legacy, but, before we can learn more, her dream ends when Rose's mother (whose name is Andrea, according to the intro) kills Alex, as seen last issue.

Shortly after Alex's death, the Girl summons the Great and Terrible Evil (I think) in the woods.  Other than a glimpse of Andrea at the crime scene, the ritual doesn't directly connect Evil to Andrea — in fact, Evil disappears once summoned.  (If you're wondering about the Latin the Girl uses, she tells her servant to ensure the "firstborn" — meaning Rose — suffers and dies.)  The Girl then returns to her house and dies on the porch.

In the present (such as it is), we see the now-abandoned, dilapidated house with the Girl's corpse still on the porch.  She awakens and heads to the video store, and we pick up the scene where we ended last issue.  The Girl is stunned at Evil's presence, and he informs her that he's able to do a lot more thanks to Rose.  The Girl reads Rose's mind and discovers that she's the Firstborn.  The Girl mutters, "And she's..." but then demands Evil take her "to it" before finishing the thought.  Evil agrees and opens a portal to Rosewood, warning her that it isn't as much fun as it was.

In Rosewood, Wallace wants to follow Rose into the portal but Spikes tries to convince him they need to rally forces.  The Girl and Evil arrive, and the Girl marvels at how lifelike the friends Rose manifested are.  The Girl kills Spikes, and Wallace attacks, only for Evil to backhand him.  The Girl stops him from attacking Wallace further, telling Evil that he'll have his blood in time.  Wallace escapes back to the Refuge where he tells them that Spikes is dead (we see his widow grieve).  Meanwhile, Evil drags Rose's body towards a dilapidated Castle Greyskull-style building.

Star Wars:  Darth Vader #43:  This issue's impact depends on remembering minutiae of previous issues.  You need to remember who Corleque is (because he apparently survived the assault on the Executor that his former mentor, Admiral Piett, launched when the Scourge invaded in issue #38), why exactly the Emperor thought Governor Tauntaza colluding with Crimson Dawn (in issue #27) would expose Vader, or how the men Vader "saved" the last time he was on this planet were connected to the energy-draining device (in issue #24) that Administrator Moore and Vader seize here.  

I'm sure I'm missing more — I don't even mention Agent Fabarian or Council Member Santo, who Moore "interviews" here — but tracking down all the references is beside the point.  All these characters, save Moore, are only here as NPCs for whatever new scheme Vader has to undermine the Emperor.  If Pak put some effort into making these characters memorable, maybe I'd care, but he doesn't so I don't.  Oof.

Transformers #5:  This issue is fucking awesome.

We begin with Sparky and Optimus recalling their times at war, Sparky in Korea (I think) and Optimus in the present.  Johnson gives us a panel of Sparky in one position and then Optimus in the same position in the next panel, emphasizing their experiences' similarities.

In the present, Optimus asks Sparky, "How long was your war?"  (Of note, the two of them appears to be in some sort of garret that also contains antiquated communications equipment.)  Sparky replies, "Just one tour.  It was enough."  He asks Optimus how long his war was, and Optimus poignantly responds, "Years.  Years and years and years.  I've lost count.  It's still going."  Just as poignantly, Sparky notes how much more experienced Optimus is at war than he is and asks whether he understands why it has to be this way.  A sad Optimus tells him that he asks himself the same question every day.

On the Ark, I didn't notice initially that, when Soundwave alludes to Skywarp's "sacrifice," his (Skywarp's) head and torso are part of the Ark itself.  Soundwave decides to resurrect Ravage first, but Starscream (hilariously) punts Ravage's body and instead resurrects Thundercracker, who quietly asks Skywarp's lifeless head and torso, "What evil Autobot did this to you?"  (It's another moment of the Decepticons - or, at least, the Seekers - treating each other with affection.)  Starscream lies and tells Thundercracker that Skywarp sacrificed himself for the common good.  

Before they can continue, Soundwave announces that Laserbeak reports the Autobots found their source of energy.  Frenzy declares they need to stop them, and Starscream seems surprised to see him and Reflector, as if Teletraan-1 resurrected them without his approval.  Reflector begins to ask Starscream where Megatron is, and Starscream ignores the question, instead telling them all to rally against the Autobots, who they can eliminate for good.  (Johnson really kills it with the image of them all transforming as they leave for the dam.)

At the dam, Ratchet is wowed by Sparky's idea to place a generator right next to the dam, given that it's the water that creates the power (and not the plant at the dam's base that the "Decepti-whatevers" destroyed in issue #2).  Ratchet has resurrected Wheeljack to help Sparky address their power issue, though Wheeljack's lower half is basically like the old Ironhide and Ratchet design, which prompts some complaining on Wheeljack's part.  But he's impressed by Sparky's design and uses Cybertronian knowledge to refine it, enabling the turbine to power the town for at least a decade.

Cliffjumper has the honor of flipping on the switch, and Wheeljack calls for Optimus to get him (Optimus) fixed.  Instead, in another fantastic scene, Optimus carries Arcee's body, telling them they need their warriors.  Ratchet enthusiastically greets Arcee; As she greets him, she sees the Seekers behind him and saves him from Thundercracker's rocket.  (Ratchet comments on Arcee saving his life upon first waking, and she quips, "I see not much has changed.")  Funnily enough, Thundercrack screams, "Justice for Skywarp!!!"

As Optimus and Sparky open fire on the Decepticons, Arcee and Ratchet drag Jazz to the turbine.  Starscream ejects Reflector, who screams, "Prepare yourself for ISO, Autobots!!"  As he's defining it ("Instant Suffering and Oblitera--"), he sees Optimus with Megatron's cannon and whispers, "Oh dear --," right before Optimus destroys him.  An upset Frenzy launches himself at Optimus, who grabs his leg and slams him into the ground.

Carly's found a gun and opens fire at Thundercracker, despite Cliffjumper warning her to be careful.  Cliffjumper strikes the dam and Carly falls, prompting Prime to scream her name.  Arcee then transforms and speeds up the dam to catch Carly in a fucking kick-ass scene, telling Carly that she's important to her if she's important to Optimus.  (I loved the writing on this issue, but Johnson's art is somehow even better.)  Rumble sneaks behind Cliffjumper only for Jazz to take him down before he can pounce.

Then, it's time for Optimus vs. Starscream.  Somewhat oddly, to be honest, Starscream accuses Optimus of using "something so precious" (Megatron's cannon) for his "own evil purpose!"  (It's the second time the Decepticons refer to the Autobots as evil, and I'd love to hear their pitch about why they're the good guys.  I'm also guessing Megatron's cannon isn't "precious" to Starscream because Megatron owned it.)  Optimus asks if Starscream isn't quaking in his jets at seeing a reminder of who he'll never be, and Starscream manages to take out the turbine before Optimus blasts a hole in him.  

The Decepticons retreat, and Optimus realizes that they finally have enough Autobots to take back the Ark.  Before they can leave, Carly demands to go with them, and Sparky refuses, saying she's too precious after what happened to Spike.  Carly then poignantly says, "Then so what?  Spike's in a coma.  My family's gone.  I deserves to see this end, Sparky."  Carly is distraught, until Cliffjumper grabs her, telling her that she's right, she gets to be there when they stop the Decepticons for good.

As they approach the Ark, Sparky sees it for the first time, remembering his son, Jimmy.  Suddenly, Long Haul rams into Optimus, Scavenger cuts off Ratchet's leg, and Scrapper pushes back Arcee and Jazz.  Starscream appears and gloats that he knew Optimus would follow him.  He tells them that Teletraan 1 has already fixed him and introduces his "new toys!":  the Constructicons.  (We seem to be sticking to the Constructicons' original cartoon origin, where the Decepticons created them on Earth.)  At this point, Starscream calls out the famous phrase:  "Constructicons!  Merge into...Devastator!"  

In other works, fuck, yeah, y'all.

Seven-Month-Old Comics!: The January 17 Top-Shelf Edition - Part One (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Cobra Commander #1:  Holy shit, I did NOT see that coming.  Williamson leaves a lot of questions for us here, befitting Cobra Commander's typically murky background.  But what he does reveal is amazing.

In the past, Cobra Commander - or CC, as I'm going to call him - heads up a team of scientists in an underwater kingdom called Cobra-La, where they're investigating some sort of "abomination."  The population learns about the research and, appalled, breaks into the lab to stop it.  CC dispatches spores that he developed to hold off the mob, but one of the scientists detonates a bomb that kills everyone but CC.  He's left terribly scarred, and Cobra-La's doctors heal him with a three-headed snake.  He awakens wrapped in bandages, and a woman named Pythona informs him to put on his iconic helmet to cover his shame, which includes a now reptilian eye (I think).

Pythona brings him to the king, Golobulus, who tells him that he found him "lost in the outside world," which I assume means that CC is human and not Cobra-Lan.  Golobulus exposits that Cobra-La worships only the organic, so CC and the scientists' research is blasphemous.  (I should've seen where we're going here, but I didn't.)  Golobulus accuses CC of instigating the riots (possibly so he could use his defense against the rioters to justify Golobulus giving him a leadership position, which he demands here) and orders his men to kill him.  He quips that he healed him just to watch him die with his own eyes, letting us everything we need to know about Golobulus.

But CC is CC so he uses insect-like drones to crawl into the guards' bodies and kill them.  CC warns Golobulus that Cobra-La's isolation means its resources are dwindling, though his research can save it.  To do so, he has to go on a "special mission" to the outside.  Golobulus, revealing a reptilian eye like CC's, agrees.  CC walks back to the lab and reveals the abomination:  a comatose Megatron!  

CC exposits that the only thing he's kept from Golobulus is the existence of Cybertron.  CC tortures Megatron once again and discovers other energy signatures like his.  (I'm not sure why he had to torture him to identify similar energy signatures, but it is what it is.)  CC plans to track down the Transformers to explore their energy, which he describes as not just powerful but also "transformative."  CC departs, and Megatron opens a menacing eye.

In the present, CC kills a man for his car and, with the minder Golobulus demanded accompany him, heads to what appears to be Zartan's place in the Floridian swamps.

In other words, it's fucking great.  The Skybound team is clearly keeping Megatron on ice (literally) before launching him on Earth, giving us time to see other threats build.  Right now, I'm most interested in the fact that CC seems genuinely loyal to Golobulus, given that he believes that Golobulus can provide the army CC needs to control the world.  It'll be interesting to see how quickly that loyalty is tested.

G.I. Joe:  A Real American Hero #303:  This issue is pretty straight to the point.

At the Pit, the Joes watch a Revanche helicopter land on Cobra Island for an audience with Serpentor Khan.  Alpha-001 proposes a working relationship between the two organizations, though Khan is skeptical since Revanche apparently delivered B.A.T.s to Cobra that he programmed to respond only to Revanche.  Alpha-001 talks about the benefit of turning Khan's mutants into cyborgs.  A Viper volunteers to be a test subject, and Revanche's surgical bot turns him into a cyborg on the spot.

At the Pit, Duke asks Spirit to prepare for the Khan-Revanche alliance to try to break into the Pit, even though they're all pretty sure the alliance will make a play for Springfield first (which is why the Joes are sending a "sneak and peak" team there).  

In Springfield, Dawn sneaks into town to visit her parents (I only know her name due to the dramatis personae from issue #301) and thanks them for suffering some sort of trouble for something she did.  She pledges never to hurt them but has a weird look on her face when she does so so I'm not sure she means it.

Back at the Pit, Spirit identifies three Vipers at the perimeter.  Lady Jayne (I think) briefs Duke or Hawk that the Vipers are sporting Revanche technology and puts two and two together when it comes to Revanche's visit to Cobra Island.  Instead of eliminating them, Duke or Hawk suggests they take advantage of the Viper's reconnaissance to feed them some fake intel.

Meanwhile, an assassination team of enhanced Blue Ninjas arrives to take out Scarlett and Snake-Eyes in the Sierras.  Scarlett and Snake-Eyes kill all the Blue Ninjas save one who goes kamikaze on them before dying.  Watching from Cobra Island, Khan and his cronies see the dust from the blast settle on the seemingly dead Scarlett and Snake-Eyes.  (I'm going to guess the corpses are just Blue Ninjas dressed as them.)  Khan is impressed and orders as many units as Alpha-001 can deliver.

Kill Your Darlings #5:  Given how much happened in previous issues, this one is pretty sparse, though extremely relevant.

In 1987, Rose's mom discovers she's pregnant.  She leaves a message for the child's father, telling him that he ruined her life and her only consolation is that he'll never know the baby.  As she's driving herself to the hospital to deliver Rose on a dark and stormy night, she hits a boy.  She finds him dying on the side of the road but declines to help him.  After delivering Rose, Rose's mother cries as she learns from a television news interview with the boy's grandmother that he died.  As a dark hand floats over Rose's crib and flames surround Rose's mother's bed, the grandmother - pretty clearly the Girl Who Wouldn't Burn as an elderly woman, who's raised the boy since his mother mysteriously disappeared ten years earlier - pledges revenge for his death during the interview.

We obviously have a lot going on here.  You have to wonder why a ten-year-old boy was wandering a road on a dark and stormy night.  It's also suspicious that his mother "disappeared" and that the Girl Who Wouldn't Burn seemingly allowed herself to age.  At any rate, this issue provides a more sympathetic portrait of Rose's mother than we got from Evil last issue.

Seven-Month-Old Comics: The December 20 Top-Shelf Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

G.I. Joe:  A Real American Hero #302:  Given how much we've seen happen in "Transformers" and "Void Rivals," it feels weird how little progress we've seen in this title.  But Hama makes it clear that he's taking his time as he dedicates five almost-wordless panels at Wade Collins' funeral.

The issue opens with Serpentor Khan attempting to rally the Cobra Island mutants to his cause — to take over Cobra HQ in Springfield and then the world.  When someone questions why they need him, he shoots the offending someone in the head and offers his corpse as food to the rest of the mutants.  Needless to say, it seems clear they'll follow him.  The best part, though, is when a mutant who was an old lady on a Rascal asks Khan what his plans are — underscoring Hama's ability to make Cobra look as ridiculous as it occasionally is.

In Springfield, Cobra Commander briefs the family members of the Cobra employees he left on the Island, informing them that they're mobilizing all Cobra's resources to prepare for the inevitable attack Khan will launch on them.  At Revanche's HQ, Alpha-001 learns of Khan's plans via hidden cameras the B.A.T.S planted in the Casino.

At the Pit in Utah, Mongoose asks Stalker why Collins got an Arlington funeral when he was a Cobra Crimson Guard.  Stalker explains Wade was part of his and Snake-Eyes' unit in Vietnam.  After a Vietcong attack, they thought Wade died, but he survived, spending the rest of the war as a POW.  Rejected as a vet, Wade joined Cobra until Stalker and Snake-Eyes convinced him to leave.  Hawk created a new identity for him and his adoptive family, and one day his son, Sean, joined the Joes.  

In the Command Center, Mainframe tells Duke and Roadblock about the Cobra-on-Cobra violence, thanks to the fact he hacked Revanche, underscoring Revanche isn't as much of a threat as I originally thought.  

Meanwhile, Scarlett and Snake-Eyes are together in a mountain cabin in the Sierras.  Snake-Eyes (whose face remains hidden) tries to tell Scarlett something, but she tells him to wait because she heard a sound.  Excitingly, one of Timber's descendants brings a wolf puppy to Snake-Eyes.

Again, it isn't the most thrilling issue, but we're clearly building to something.

Kill Your Darlings #4:  Oof.  I honestly stopped breathing at some point, reading this issue.

The issue opens with a young Rose locked in the dark basement as punishment for something she did to make her mother mad.  It reveals something from the first issue, that Rose's mother wasn't all hugs and pancakes.

In Rosewood, the "Great and Terrible Evil" chases Rose through a cave and into a cavern, where a purple light shines on a mesa.  Evil resurrects some of Rose's former soldiers to attack her, and Rose flees to the mesa, grabbing Francine, the source of the light.  Rose slashes through the undead as Evil continues to ask her why she returned to Rosewood.  Rose confesses what I think we all assumed — she hoped she could somehow bring back her mother.  

Evil then summons her mother (or, at least, a simulacrum of her).  Rose's "mom" promises to take care of her, though Evil comments that she never really did.  We see image's of Rose's childhood:  of her alone watching TV or staring into an empty fridge, of her sleeping in the car outside the restaurant where her mom worked, of her alone in the dark basement.  Her mom is suddenly ablaze and attacks Rose who kills her with Francine.  Evil then tells Rose her mother's greatest legacy — even more than the scars she left — is him and pushes her into a cavern.

Rose suddenly falls through the ceiling of the video store, where some employees are fixing the damage and one is giving testimony to a cop.  She loses consciousness and "awakens" to blood everywhere and Evil ripping apart a cop.  Evil asks if she slept through it, implying Rose lost consciousness when he killed her mother.  Evil revels in his much bigger "playground," threatening to make Elliott watch what he does and telling Rose that Elliott is screaming at what Evil has already done with his hands.  As Evil seems ready to kill Rose, the door's bell rings and Evil turns to see a woman in a wheelchair.  Calling her "master," it seems clear that she's the Girl who Wouldn't Burn.

As I said, oof.  

Star Wars:  Revelations #1:  For an FCBD-style anthology, this issue is pretty solid.  

The best story is the first one, as Salli Georgio, Advocate-at-Large, tries to convince a judge that a Jedi used his mind trick to get Dengar to destroy "half the port district" as a distraction — and that Dengar didn't, instead, have two bottles of revnog in his system when he stole a speeder and committed the damage.  That story is, in and of itself, hilarious enough to merit inclusion but gets better when Lando calls Salli to defend him at his upcoming treason trial.  Ha!  I can't wait to see Salli in action again.

The Darth Vader story also intrigues me, as Vader apparently plans to track down an elite group of Rebel cyborgs to insert Imperial droid cognitive units in their bodies.  Vader developed this plan after realizing that the Emperor cost him years of work when he made him kill his own Death Troopers (in issue #40), but droids aren't capable of absorbing the years of training that organics are.  Vader hopes to put the two together, which sounds terrible and Vader-y.  That said, the best part is when the protocol droid contemplates the horror awaiting the cyborgs — being trapped in bodies that a master controls — and Vader unceremoniously cuts him in two since his comment struck a little too close to home.

The other ones are pretty good, too.  Sliney's artwork and Woodard's colors on the Jango Fett story evoke Marvel's '70s era "Star Wars" series, which is a pleasure to see.  The High Republic story is touching, as Keeve comes across a local using a lightsaber he found to try to inspire hope in the people of Gallimere on the edge of the Nihil Occlusion Zone.

All in all, as I said, it's pretty great for this sort of issue.

Undiscovered Country #27:  Man, every time you think you're going to get a win in this series...

I was wondering how Snyder and Soule were going to meet the timeframe they've laid out every time they write back matter, given we have a number of unvisited zones left but not many remaining issues.  We get the answer here, as Pavel explains to the team that he traveled those lands on his way to them.

Before Pavel tells his story, though, an enraged Janet screams at Chang over his failure to reveal the phone's existence.  When Pavel suggests they go to Aurora, Janet says they have to find Daniel first.  I thought this comment was interesting coming from Janet, though she may see the need for an ally after Chang betrayed her.  At any rate, Pavel suggests Daniel is likely already there and tells his story.

Disturbed by his failure to save his comrades when he was a POW, Pavel resolved to free the people of Zone Destiny or die trying.  Despite thousands dead, Pavel and his allies succeeded after a year.  Pavel then spendt ten years as the war hero he hoped he would be, helping Zone Destiny rebuild itself into a successful society.  But the demon-looking horse arrived for him one day.

Pavel then explains his journey through America.  He describes Zone Glory, which appears to replicate an active war between the United States and the Soviet Union, a war that Aurora would never allow either side to win.  In Zone Economy, we see capitalism run amok, a place Pavel left as soon as he could.  We then pass through a series of zones without comment - Publicity, Ministry, Security, Biology, and Theocracy - before Pavel arrives in Zone Bounty.

Pavel suggests that they've all now seen everything Aurora wanted them to see, and it's time to travel to the heart.  The giant who runs Zone Bounty suggests they can send the train two days earlier than usual.  Before they leave, though, Janet demands the phone from Charlotte and then tells Chang that they are, in no uncertain terms, done.  Meanwhile, Ace, Charlotte, and Valentina thank the giant, noting Bounty is the only zone where they've gotten unconditional help.  

The giant asks them to ask Aurora about the plague, concerned that the locusts will destroy the crop the following year and the entire country will suffer.  They agree and board the train, hopeful about the future.  Ace considers the promise of America, and Valentina notes this train has fed America year after year, as Bounty's residents exported their surplus food without asking anything in return.

Of course, as I see the focus turn to the locusts, I know something bad is going to happen.  It doesn't, because it already happened:  each version of the train is in a ditch, with the locusts hovering above it.

Snyder and Soule, man.

Eight-Month-Old Comics: The December 6 Top-Shelf Edition - Part One (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

The Hunger and the Dusk #4:  I'm reading my first Brandon Sanderson novel, "Mistborn:  The Final Empire," and I can safely say that Willow's world-building is on par with his.

Before diving into the details, I'll note that Willow uses this issue to underscore that we're dealing with a dying world, whatever it's named, though it remains unclear why it's dying.  For example, Mikil stumbles upon a grassfire as he tracks the Vangol, and a group of orcs mention how much earlier the grassfires are starting.  In fact, the need for more grasslands for the cows after calving season ends drives  (allegedly) Ironfang Overlord Marda's efforts to end the treaty with the humans.  Moreover, the issue's narrator alludes to a larger disaster, mentioning the delayed rains and abandoned cities in the East.  The narrator asserts that the humans and orcs would replicate the Vangols' aggression if they understood the threat as well as the Vangols did.

Moving to the story, Tara helps Nera with a wounded knee when Sev arrives complaining of a thorn in his foot.  The Last Men laugh at his hypochondria (he's really complaining) until Tara pulls out a whale tooth, which the Vangols use in their weapons, making them realize the Vangols are hunting in the same area as they are.

In the North, Troth and Faran arrive for a Council meeting at the Silent Shore, an Angkor Wat-esque complex that looks as beautiful as we've heard.  Faran cheerfully greets her father, the Stoneback Overlord Gartok, who in turn greets Troth warmly.  Gartok asks Faran to speak with her before the meeting, and Faran is surprised when Gartok implies he's ready to support Marda in breaking the treaty.  

The meeting starts with Marda interrupting the leader and making her pitch to take the Southlands from the humans.  Troth notes that, beyond the lack of honor in breaking the treaty they just signed, going to war with the humans would force them to fight on two fronts.  Marda tries to claim that Troth signed the treaty without her support, but Troth reminds her that she agreed to the terms of the treaty before Troth went to sign it.  Marda pivots to questioning whom the treaty benefits, and Gartok takes up this point, noting the Icemanes can protect their cattle in the mountains but the Ironfangs and Stonebacks are trapped in the Lowlands.

Faran interrupts, noting the humans are dying on the coast and in the foothills in fighting the Vangols, which is buying everyone else time.  She also points out the Last Men Standing sent Doren with information about the Vangols taking a dwarven fort on the Coast.  Her impassioned speech convinces the Council to support the treaty, infuriating Marda and confirming for her father that he's lost her to Troth.  Faran and Troth then finally have sex for what seems the first time.

Meanwhile, the Vangol that Mikil is tracking gets the jump on him and drags him to the Tidal Fort, confirming the Vangol wasn't lying about the dwarven forts.  There, Mikil comes face-to-face with the Lord of the Sky-Dwellers (i.e., the Vangols).

All in all, Willow is really writing a Remender-esque series here, where you worry about all the characters you like and she gives you just enough hope so that it'll be all the more devastating when it ends poorly.  It's the highest praise I can imagine.  

Kill Your Darlings #3:  This issue is straight forward except for the start, where we witness the Girl Who Wouldn't Burn, I presume, eating her child.  It's definitely an attention-getter.

In the present, Rose, Elliott, and Wallace arrive at a video store, and Elliott informs Rose that they tore down the old neighborhood after "what happened."  (That seems kind of extreme, honestly?  Like, when I was in middle school, some guy killed someone but we didn't, like, raze the town.)  At any rate, it explains why the door to Rosewood is now in the video store, since it's built where Rose's old house was.

The group goes through said door and arrives at a place called the Sanctuary.  They run across someone named Bartleby, and Rose is disturbed when he doesn't recognize her.  They go into Spikey & Sons, where Spikey (a porcupine) the Blacksmith does recognize her.  His wife, Annabelle (a bird), does as well.  

After a joyous reunion, the group informs Rose that it's been eight years since she left.  They bring her to the edge of town, where she sees the rest of Rosewood.  It's all in black and white, and Wallace informs her that he and the others send out patrols to help refugees make their way to the Sanctuary.  But he makes it clear that the Beast, as he calls it, that destroyed Rosewood is getting closer.

Before Rose can react, the Beast grabs Elliott and drags him through the Dark Lands.  The issue ends with a zombie-looking Elliott speaking in numerous voices, including the Beast's, who welcomes Rose.

Our Bones Dust #1:  This issue was too brutally graphic for me, so I'm not going to hang in there.  If cannibalism in all its horrors floats your boat, though, check out this one.

Eight-Month-Old Comics!: The October 18 Top-Shelf Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

From the World of Minor Threats:  The Alternates #2:  Enh.  

This issue is better than the first one as the plot comes into focus.   Kid Curious realizes the "Prestige" drug all the kids are taking is somehow small liquefied doses of the Ledge, and the Persona discovers someone used black magic to turn one of the Divider's clones into his alleged fiancée.  (I can't remember why it's significant, but I'm assuming we'll learn at some point.)  After Crab Louie overhears his daughter agreeing to meet her boyfriend at a club where they can get their hands on some Prestige, the team follows her.  Once they identify her supplier, they follow him to see who's supplying him.  

All that said, I still find myself not particularly caring.  I don't know why exactly, but there you have it.

Coda #2:  This issue is nonsensical.

We begin with a group of creatures that look like a mix between goblins and mice offering a helmet, called the Embetterment Artifice, to their elder, Constructor Krocklamesh.  (Yeah...)  Krocklamesh allegedly worked on this helmet for 12 years, and the creatures are apparently members of Clan Oblique who want to bring peace and security across the world.  A large pink-skinned woman informs the group she'll accompany them because they need someone to keep them on the straight and narrow.

Elsewhere, Hum narrates this story to "Little Gap," opining that, when he (or she or it) encounters "one of these seductive promises I've been yammering on about -- big changes, brave new starts, etc.," he (or she or it) should make sure they've got "some other guiding light already in place."  Sure, whatever.

Hum informs us "Little Gap" is the "tiniest trace of absence, to make the rest of [his] quiet life moving forward."  Meanwhile, Hum is in a prison in Gorepit, where a solider informs him that the Gorepitians reject all the "old world's" traces, like magic and royalty.  That said, an important-seeming, tow-haired boy follows a Gorepitian official down a large exterior staircase.  It took me several readings to understand that someone named Mildew the Breaker bought the kid in a slave market and presented him to Gorepit as the son that its king lost during the Quench.  Apparently, the "scion's" absence sparked a cult, and Mildew is clearly trying to profit from that.

The official and scion join the soldier and the prisoners (including Hum) at the Place of Death, though the solider, to Hum's surprise, simply exiles Hum, the "scion," and "all members of this foolish little sect."  But the solider orders Nag's death, as he represents the "nonsensical old ways."  

I still can't entirely figure out Hum's involvement in this scam.  After all, I first thought he was in prison in Ridgetown, since, when last we left him, he discovered that Ridgetown creates akker by harvesting the blood of th least elf.  But we never get an explanation of how he's suddenly in Gorepit, and we also don't get an explanation of how he and Nag come to be connect, at least tangentially, to Mildew's scam.

At any rate, Hum proclaims Nag is only there because unicorns have to obey virgins and the "scion" sees him as a "sacred symbol" and part of some sort of prophecy.  The soldier is unmoved and orders the firing squad to open fire.  But the scion runs in front of the squad, taking bullets for Nag, which prompts Nag to go on a rampage. 

Meanwhile, the pink-skinned woman arrives at Gorepit with Clan Oblique.  While she's been killing raiders (of what sort, we're not told), the creatures have amassed a following telling people that they're going to liberate food from said raiders.  Once at Gorepit, the woman exposits that her husband does their shopping in Gorepit, making it clear that she's Serka.  (Isn't someone holding her hostage?  I guess not?)  Upon Clan Oblique's arrival, the soldier (I think) declares them all inhuman marauders come to "despoil and scavenge in our moment of weakness!"  (The "weakness" is presumably the aftermath of Nag's rampage, but I'm not sure.)  Anyway, Gorepit's soldiers engage Clan Oblique as Serka tries to stop them.

Standing over the dying soldier's body, Serka shows him a badge they took off a thief in the wilderness, and the soldier tells her that it's a badge of a customs agent meant to collect a small tithe from merchants.  (Didn't Hum already kill this guy last issue?)  One of the people following Clan Oblique gets nervous, informing Serka that the "thief's" crime was imposing a tithe "all because a few little barrels of siren berries were rotten."  (I guess he was an actual customs agent then and not Hum's thief?)  Disgusted, Serka asks a Gorepitian about why Gorepit isn't as rich as she thought, and the woman responds that "some weirdo in a hood bewitched the workers [who] cleared out the food stores 'n followed him into the desert[,] all because that lot shot some dumb little kid."  (How much time has passed here, exactly?  Mildew had enough time after the squad killed the kid to stir up a revolution?  Are they the "raiders" stealing the food?)

At least enough time has passed for us to find Hum fishing at a red lake when he hears a voice, in italics text, announce to a caravan arriving at the "Crimson Mire!  where perished the last kings of High Chivaris."  Hum watches as the cult's leader (presumably Mildew) reinterprets the prophecy, noting that "dozens" of them saw "a light" the instant the scion died, marking the "coronation of a new god."  Since the "prophecy" said the scion would found a new kingdom, they now declare that they're a new nation.

Rushing to a caravan, Hum calls for Mildew as he opens the doors.  He's disgusted by the sight of a creature with many bubbles of tadpole-like creatures in her stomach, and Mildew informs him the creature is a "sprigmother."  Mildew orders a worker to spread spawn within a thirty-mile radius so they can declare a miracle to eliminate all doubts about "the prophecy."  One of Mildew's thugs, named Mr. Kroti, ejects Hum on Mildew's orders, and Hum watches in dismay as the cult members set up camp on his land.  Hum ponders where he heard the name "Mr. Kroti" before when Serka arrives.

After they kiss, Hum immediately asks Serka if she's pregnant, and I'm guessing "Little Gap" is their unborn child.  Serka then realizes Mildew is the hooded cult leader Clan Oblique is chasing and tells Hum to get down.

In other words, I really have no fucking idea what's happening here.  Normally I'd hang in there since I think it's only a five-issue series, but I've got 300+ issues to read so I'm done.

Kill Your Darlings #2:  Holy shit, this issue, you guys.

In 1700, a group of men burst into a cabin where a coven of witches is meeting.  They kill all the witches save one, who they find hiding under the floorboards.  Calling her "the girl who wouldn't burn," it seems clear she's the girl from last issue.  Screaming, "we were supposed to be safe here!!!", she uses vines to kill the men.

In 1995, Rose clutches Wallace in the back of a police car.  

Fast-forwarding to 2003, Rose is in the Anderson Center, a place for troubled teens.  She wound up there when the "foster care system proved...problematic" for her, as the creepy Dr. Jacobs mentions to two parents who are there about their son.  The mother physically recoils from Rose, and Jacobs alludes to the "media blizzard around the...well, the nastiness with the fire in Valley Oaks."  Meanwhile, all the other students whisper about Rose burning her mother alive.

The only bright spot for Rose is Elliott's visits.  Elliott remains in a rough place as his mother is bed-ridden and his father is completely disconnected from them.  Elliott's a stand-up dude:  he's not only visiting Rose but tells her about how he's maintaining his mom's garden since it makes her happy.  Elliott apologizes for talking about his mom, and Rose quips that she killed hers.  Elliott chastises her, but Rose confesses that everyone's whispered about her for years and she still doesn't have a better explanation other than that she was the one who set the fire.  Before confirming they'll meet at the back exit at the usual time, Elliott pulls out Beat-em-Beasts for them to play, and one of Rose's cards depicts elephant-like "The Eternal Warrior."

That night, Rose's new roommate screams when she sees Rose sneaking to meet Elliott, but before she can raise the alarm the sprinklers start.  Rose runs into the hallway to see an arrow through the fire alarm, and several guards make chase.  She rounds the corner to find...Wallace!  He uses sleeping arrows to take out the guards and leads Rose to the exit as she ponders whether she's lost her mind.  We get the first hint that she hasn't when Dr. Jacobs finds one of the guards with a blow dart in his neck.  

Outside, Rose and Wallace escape over the fence and find Elliott.  Rose is thrilled to learn Elliott can see the "little elephant man" (Wallace corrects him with "elopig."). Wallace explains that the Kingdom of Rosewood is in danger.  Rose tells him that she can't return because that "thing" almost killer her, but Wallace tells her that it's been killing them ever since she left.  Wallace tells Rose she could create life where there once wasn't any, and Rose brightens.  He then leads them to the gate to Rosewood.

I was meh on the first issue of this series, but Parker and Sheridan wisely don't drag out the mystery, instead confirming here that Rosewood was real.  I'm excited to see where we go from here.

Local Man #6:  This series is starting to get repetitive, as Jack has to face another unhinged nut job coming after him.  

This time, it's an armed kid with #Truth written in tape on his flack jacket who opens fire in Inga's diner.  His goal is to kill "Local Man," because he somehow knows that Jack killed Camo Crusader.  Brian later tells Jack the only people who knew about Crusader were Inga and Kopecki, who winds up killing the kid to end his rampage.  Interestingly, Kopecki knew the kid, since the kid went to church with Kopecki's aunt, so I think it might be possible Kopecki is part of the same crowd as the kid.  That said, Inga suspects her investors though they deny it, leaving open the question how the kid knew.

Meanwhile, Brian asks Jack to speak to a group of hippies called the Star Tribe.  They're camping in a nearby park, and they don't like cops, obviously.  But a 16 year old girl who Inga knew through the Future Forum wound up drowned, and the Tribe apparently harbors known criminals so Brian wants some information.  Jack agrees, but the creepy Swamp Thing-esque creature who follows him implies the Tribe probably didn't do it.

At some point, you start to wonder why Third Gen doesn't let Jack leave Farmingham, since the attention that he's bringing probably isn't doing them any favors.

Star Wars #39:  Oof, this issue.  Soule really puts Lando (and us) through the emotional ringer.

The Talky manages to knock the rancor unconscious long enough for him, Lando, and Lobot to escape the pit.  But he warns Lando that they've got to bolt, as Jabba the Hutt is on his sail barge and will return at some point.  As the Talky navigates Jabba's palace to get them to a secret exit, Scourge-controlled droids surprise them and grab Lobot.  The Talky assumed they wanted him, but, as we know from the main series, the Scourge wanted Lobot given his hybroid status.  Lando and the Talky eventually find Lobot, only for the Scourge to inform Lando that he now controls Lobot.  "Lobot" departs with the other droids as Jabba returns, his men's guns a-blazin', and Lando brings the Talky to the Millennium Falcon and pledges to save Lobot.

But Lobot's isn't the only friendship Lando is forced to consider here, as he stands before Han before he bolts with the Talky and Lobot.  He (correctly) realizes that he and Lobot don't have time to free Han, since he'll be weak and potentially blind.  I initially judged Lando for that, but, when he made that argument, I realized that he was right.  But it means Lando failed not one but two friends here, and Soule makes it clear that Lando knows that.

The chips are down, and, knowing Lando, he's going to double down.  It'll be fun to watch.

Subgenre #1:  I like Kindt, and he does something interesting here.  

A hard-boiled detective named Verge (which isn't a very "hard-boiled" name) gets hired by his world's Disney (Decipher Comics) to investigate the murder of several blue-skinned monks from a cult called "I.P. Agents" at their HQ.  Verge himself tangled with a similar monk earlier in the day, though he seemed to think he was his landlord?  It was weird.  The man's blue skin definitely didn't seem to both him.

Deciper sends him to meet a woman who explains she caused a scene at Decipher several days earlier when she learned they used an AI to write the book she had just read and loved.  (I'm still not sure why causing a disruption makes Decipher seemingly want to pin murders on her, as I think they're trying to do here?)  She insists on accompanying Verge to the I.P. Agents' sanctum sanctorum, since she wants to see their rare-book collection, since they apparently are buying all such books.  

At the library, the monks' leader appears, and his monks attack Verge.  He says they're particularly interested in Verge and strikes him in the head with a baton that sends him into a new Roman body, where he again faces the blue-skinned monks.

It's weird, and I kind of like it.  I initially wasn't inclined to hang in there, but, re-reading this post, I think I will.