Seven-Month-Old Comics!: The May 8 Top-Shelf Edition - Part Two (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

The One Hand #5:  We really go off the rails here, in the best possible way.

We pick up right where we left off last issue, with Ari talking to the One Hand killer through the wall.  He asks what the writing on the wall represents, and the killer says that it's a language.  Ari asks what it says, and the killer says that's what he's been doing — trying to find meaning.  Ari asks why he's been killing all these years, and the killer is adamant that he didn't kill his victims.  Ari asks if they're all cogs, and the killer again says he isn't a killer.  Ari asks what he is, and the killer responds that he's an archeologist, which is creepy as fuck.

In what seems like a parallel dimension on the other side of the wall — a cave of some sort — a woman addresses the killer as "Johannes" and says they have to go before Ari shoots through the wall.  Ari runs next door only to find a storage closet.  Mac then calls Ari to tell him that the lieutenant is coming with a response team and a warrant and Ari needs to run.  Mac tells Ari that he'll find him the usual way, and Ari bolts.

Ari then meets Helene for lunch, at her invitation.  (She got word to the precinct, and Mac passed on the message to him.)  Helene asks if Ari was looking for someone named Nemone and confesses she hasn't stopped thinking about her since the day he visited.  Even though she's never met anyone by that name, she tells Ari that she has the feeling of being haunted "by a memory that isn't real."  She then recounts a legend related to the Greek Titan Mnemosyne, the goddess of memory, from which the name Nemone derives.  Mnemosyne would give her priests the ability to see other people's memories, and Helene asks Ari if he believes memory can exist beyond our own lifetimes.

Helene tells Ari that Nemone would be happy to know that Ari didn't stop looking for her.  Ari then carefully asks Helene if she knows what she is, and Helene stands up, kisses Ari and then holds his chin as she says, "Ari..."  She then leaves, asking behind her, "Do you know what you are?"

At a safe house (or, more accurately, a safe apartment), someone (I think Juice from issue #2) gets Ari a clean gun as Mac arrives.  Mac tells Ari that he thought he'd finally gone around the bend when he asked whether the victim was a cog, but the coroner called him to the microscope because he found the killer's symbols in the blood or tissue sample he was examining.  Suddenly, the coroner's entire system then burst into flames.  Mac remembers that, when they were looking at the security footage at the hospital looking for Odell's murderer, it suddenly went glitchy, too.  Realizing someone is protecting the killer, Mac has the IT boys put together a path of camera outages, which leads to an apartment building.  Mac tells Ari that he's giving him a head start, but he's going to the lieutenant with it.

At the apartment building, Ari finds the woman from the art show, who tells Ari that she knows he's looking for the man with six fingers, whom she calls Johannes Vale.  The woman is nuts, but she tells Ari that Johannes' father went missing when he was young and he "still sees him every now and then."  We learn her name is Ada, and she tells Ari that Johannes went lookin for someone named Helene.  Ada tells Ari that he's "talking to someone now, detective...a voice only he can hear.  It sends him places...opens doors that don't exist."  

This story concludes next issue, which seems crazy.  I guess at this point, though, our only real question is whether we're dealing with someone or something supernatural, as Johannes seemed to create the pocket dimension behind the wall that Ari couldn't find.  I guess we'll see.

The Sacrificers #8:  Remender delivers another brutal issue that makes you want Pigeon just to raze this place to the ground.

It begins with a tired old man taking Pigeon on his wagon to the South End Trading Post, from where Pigeon'll head home.  The world is clearly collapsing around them, and Pigeon fights his anger over the way his family treated him as he makes his way from the Trading Post to his village.  There, he finds it completely destroyed, and we're reminded that he's really only there for Beatrice.  But he finds her destroyed doll in the wreckage, and you can see something break in him.

Later, Pigeon arrives in Noom's devastated village, and the townspeople come close to killing him, blaming him for their lot.  A guy who looks like the king appears, but he informs Pigeon that the king left for higher ground before the storm hit.  Pigeon loses consciousness, and later he's seated at a banquet table with the Fake King who serves him...chicken.  Asshole.  (Pigeon sticks to the vegetables.)  

The Fake King asks Pigeon about Paradise, and Pigeon tells him it was "hell, a factory of death."  The Fake King rages at him as a blasphemer, telling him that he can't believe a Sacrificer who abandoned his responsibility.  He accuses Pigeon of inventing the story to justify his failure; when Piegon mentions Noom, he blames her as well.  The Fake King mentions Piegon's people were destroyed, commenting, wickedly, "I would imagine your family amongst them."

The Fake King sees a glint of guilt in Pigeon's eyes at that comment and convinces him to sacrifice himself.  Clad in ceremonial gear, Fake King prepares to cut off Pigeon's head, but Pigeon grabs the axe before he can.  Furious, Pigeon tells the Fake King that Noom did sacrifice herself.  He says he'd understand if only his village perished, but the fact that Noom's village also perished makes no sense.  Stalking the Fake King, Pigeon tells him that he's tired of assholes like him telling him what his responsibility is when the collective never did anything for him.  In fact, this guy is only focused on making things better for himself.

Repeating something he said earlier, the Fake King tells Piegon that it isn't his job to question the gods but to serve them.  Pigeon then cuts off his head, telling his corpse, "Then that's what I'll do."  Team Pigeon, y'all.

Star Wars:  Darth Vader #46:  Ugh, I don't know if I care enough to put in the effort necessary to understand the nuance of Pak's story here.  I mean, once you involve the Sith Eternal, you've pretty much lost me.

Anyway, we start with the sequel to the Darth Vader story in "Free Comic Book Day 2024:  Star Wars" #1 as Warba joins Sabé in her search for Luke Skywalker.  Warba claims that she wants to see Luke before Sabé and Vader do whatever they're planning on doing to him, but we know Warba is also serving Vader so who knows.

Meanwhile, Sly Moore sends Corleque to deliver a shipment to the Sith Eternal on Exegol, since they'll scan his mind and see that he hates Vader.  The teams passes through the Red Honeycomb Zone in a Kyberite-plated shuttle, which more or less protects them from the Summa-Verminoth.  (Pryde does see his death on Exegol.)

On Exegol, "Vader" engages the Sith Eternal and loses, which draws the other Sith Eternal to see his defeat.  However, it turns out the cargo that Corleque delivered has the real Vader and battle droids, who launch another attack.  We learn that Vader is there for the Kyber Temple, which he destroys for the kyber.  The attack somehow frees the M.A.R. Corps, but, before we can process that, the apparent leader of the Sith Eternal (or at least this contingent of them) hits a button that fires a beam from...somewhere?

The beam appears to come from the sky onto a large black monolith, particularly since Pryde gloats that Vader somehow deflected it from hitting them.  (They're all standing next to the monolith.)  But then Vader says they weren't aiming for them, and the beam seems instead to have come from the monolith to the sky, where it hits the Summa-Verminoth.  Why the Sith Eternal decided to do that now is beyond me, but I guess Pak'll tell us at some point.

Transformers #8:  I know it's ridiculous to say about a series revolving around sentient robots, but this issue is an emotional tour de force.

With Arcee along, Carly takes Spike to a lake at sunset, hoping some fresh air clears his head.  Spike admits that he doesn't feel anything, because the world has changed so much.  Carly shows the anger that we saw last issue, telling Spike that they now have "big metal warriors" to help them get revenge on the "ones who killed our dads!"  But Spike notes his father just disappeared, like his brother.

Cliffjumper arrives with some "colas" because he's learned that it's "the thing to do near bodies of water."  (Fair, Cliff.)  He offers one to Carly, who doesn't respond.  Spike encourages her to speak to Cliff, reminding her that he saved her from "Lazerbeam."  Carly tells Cliff that she isn't "not" talking to him but she's furious that he had the chance to stop Starscream after he murdered his friend (Cliff brokenly mutters, "Bumblebee," at this point) but didn't take it.  As such, she feels like she can't trust him.  Cliff sits with his head between his legs, in the most dejected (and human) way a robot can look, and Spike wordlessly put his hand on Cliff's arm.

On Cybertron, Elita is motoring with the body she's carrying.  The robot speaks, telling her that he's endured 150 years of torture, day and night, and begs Elita to kill him.  Elita tells him that she's sorry it took her so long to find him but, yes, if they "get taken" she'll end both their sparks.

On the U.S.S. Henry Harrison, Soundwave and Thundercracker land on deck.  Soundwave orders Thundercracker not to destroy the ship yet, and the sailors try to stop them.  Thundercracker grabs the captain who begs him not to kill him.  Thundercracker places him on the deck, telling him that he pities humanity's fragility and that they should all "be on [their] way."  

As the ship burns around them and they watch the liferafts drift into sea, Soundwave asks what Thundercracker is doing, and Thundercracker comments that the humans can't hurt them.  Soundwave says they can't have witnesses, and Thundercracker starts to object — but then Soundwave simply kills them.  It's brutal, you guys.  It's interesting how...noble Thundercracker has been.  Whereas Cliffjumper's pacifism comes from a place of exhaustion, Thundercracker has almost Optimus levels of compassion and conscientiousness.

We then move onto a pretty hilarious segment.  Optimus enters the Ark's main room as Wheeljack and Skywarp are trading insults.  Wheeljack confirms that he can't separate Skywarp from Teletran 1 until he gets more Cybertronian tech.  Optimus has Wheeljack replay the video for Skywarp of Starscream and Soundwave ripping him into pieces, but they're interrupted when Carly enters with a RPG (with the intent to kill Skywarp).   Optimus is like, "For fuck's safe, Carly," and Carly falters when he explains that they need Skywarp — even if he's the reason Spike got shot — to save the other Autobots.  Carly accidentally shoots the RPG, and Arcee hurls herself in front of the blast, saving Skywarp.  Suddenly, Skywarp fixes Wheeljack's legs, to his delight.  Optimus tries to talk to Carly, but she tells him that it isn't an "Optimus teaching moment."  Ha!  She asks if she's just supposed to "wait around and get squished," and, honestly?  It's a good point.  

Arcee follows Carly to her van, telling her it's "quite the vehicle."  Carly apologies for shooting Arcee and asks why Teletraan didn't fix her.  Arcee explains they're low on Energon, since the Decepticons used most of it on the Constructicons.  Carly asks why the Autobots don't act as badass as they are, and Arcee explains that they "were scattered and lost" before the war but Optimus brought them together to fight for peace.  Carly snidely comments, "easy for him to say," and Arcee cautions her that Optimus' losses "could fill a chasm."

On the seafloor, Soundwave explains that they sank the Harrison since it has the most advanced energy technology the humans have — nuclear power — and then orders the Constructions to unearth the Nemesis.

In the Ark (seriously, this issue has so much jammed into it), Jetfire awakens.  He's hazy, and Optimus tells him that he lost some of his spark.  Ratchet is there and expound that they could only bring back one form, his jet form.  Jetfire asks why Optimus didn't let him rest, and Optimus explains they need his help to travel the world (per his comment at the end of last issue).  Devastatingly, Jetfire asks if he's really just a husk to them, saying that he can't see anything, including the stars.  Optimus offers to leave, but Jetfire asks him to stay, since it's so dark.  Optimus sits next to him, and it's just so much, you guys.

Soundwave and company enter the Nemesis and hear pounding.  They're all surprised that the Transformer in the cell making the noise survived the crash.  Thundercracker is nervous, but Soundwave orders him to open the cell, since they need all the help they can get.  Suddenly, Astrotrain emerges like Jack Nicholson in "The Shining."  He demands to know where "he" is, throwing Thudnercracker into a wall when Soundwave says that they don't know.  He's just a total raving mess, and Soundwave swears when they find Megatron (aha!) Astrotrain is free to do whatever he wants with him.  But, for now, Soundwave has a mission.

At the Ark, Wheeljack notes the awakening of Cybertronian technology (i.e., the Nemesis), and Optimus calls the Autobots to action.  Optimus refuses to bring Carly with them, and Arcee asks if she can take on Carly as her Iron Apprentice.  Optimus says only two Cybertronians can have that relationship, but Arcee says she's willing to try if Carly is.  Arcee explains that it's a "sacred bond" between two beings, "one older and one younger."  It marks the beginning of a clan, and it's what she had with Ultra Magnus.  Although Carly doesn't formally agree, Optimus leaves Arcee and Carly to stay with Wheeljack to defend the Ark and watch over "young Spike."  Cliffjumper then takes control of Jetfire, and he, Jazz, Optimus, and Ratchet head to the Nemesis.

On the Nemesis, Soundwave tells Thundercracker that the goal of resurrecting it wasn't to fly it, but to use its antennae to call for reinforcements.  Enter Shockwave!

Seven-Month-Old Comics!: The May 8 Top-Shelf Edition - Part One (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

The Boy Wonder #1:  I'm glad I put this issue on my top-shelf list, because it's as good as everyone says.  Ba uses a framing device in which Damian tells a story to a thief who's taken him hostage, because he feels like the guy could use a minute.  

The story involves him going on his first solo adventure.  Well, it's actually his second solo adventure.  On his first one, Damian cut off the perp's head and, seeing the horror on Batman's face when he found him, realizes that he doesn't fit into the Family.  But Damian hears of a demon plaguing Undersell and, while Bruce is outside Gotham on a mission, figures that he's the right Family member to stop it since he's a demon, too.  

Of course, Alfred is nothing if not observant and sends a married Dick and Barbara to watch over Damian who's furious.  They confront the "demons," but it turns out Clayface was posing as them to throw the cops off his trail.  Damian leaps into the fray too quickly and has to watch as Dick and Barbara take down Clayface.  After the battle, Damian watches Dick kiss Barbara and realizes that both he and his father lack this trait that Dick has:  love.  Dick also tells Damian that they're not just there to beat up bad guys but to help their victims, too.  

Damian heads into the night and stops a mugging.  Remembering Dick's words, he helps the older woman to his feet as an enormously proud Dick watches from the rooftops.  Damian is also pleased with himself but then hears the woman scream again as a demon grabs her and escapes.  Damian narrates that he now needs a hunter, so we're seeing Jason next issue. 

Again, it's just great.  It isn't morose, but it isn't fluff, and the art is spectacular.  I highly recommend.

Crocodile Black #1:  I loved Johnson's "The Last God," and I was excited to jump on here.  I read the issue twice, and Johnson manages to tell us what the point of the story is without giving away the farm, so I'm excited to see where we go.

In May 2021, someone brutally kills a "security guard" (think "Mafia don's henchman") on the ground floor of a house.  Before the killer murders him, the second guard recognizes the killer and tells him the don is upstairs.  The killer still crashes a potted plan on his head.

A month earlier, teenager Danny is listening to a movie while drawing in a sketchbook when the parental controls end his movie.  He exits his room, and his mom is overly enthusiastic in greeting him.  His older sister, Jess, invites him to watch a movie; Danny says she doesn't have to do so (as a red squiggly figure appears on the floor between them), and Jess says she wants to do it.  He agrees and prepares to leave for his job delivering groceries.  Danny's mom tells him that she wants him to follow the rules so he can "move up" and tells him to say good-bye to his father before he leaves.  Danny replies that his father is working and leaves.

On the job, Danny is talking to his therapist, complaining about his parents being "up in my shit all the time."  The therapist exposits that Danny has an obsessive disorder and they have to use things like parental controls to keep his escapism in check.  Danny tells his therapist that his favorite part of his job is wearing his mask when no one else is because he can be anyone he wants under there.  The therapist is rightfully disturbed by that comment.  He asks about his sketchbook and the last time he saw Matty, and we now see that the red squiggly guy is a doodle of a little boy with a cap sitting in Danny's backseat.

Dan arrives at a house with a delivery for Leo Black, and he's disturbed when he finds the house is largely abandoned.  Danny walks through the house looking for someone and eventually finds an old man dead in a chair.  Danny notices the man's black crocodile shoes and then calls 9-1-1.  After reporting the guy needing medical attention, Danny steals Black's still burning cigarette and wallet.

At dinner that night, Danny's mom asks about work, and Danny imagines his face in one of the shoes.  (It's weird.)  His sister comments on his ominous chuckle, but his clueless mom asks if it means he's making friends.  His mom hopes he'll get a better "score" and, OMG, this woman is clueless.  Danny then sees himself eating his spaghetti from the shoe when his dad asks if he did any drawing at work.  Everyone loses their shit.  Danny asks if his dad has been searching his room again, and his dad delivers an answer that confirms he's a dick:  "It's my house."  OMG, fuck you, dude.  

Danny reminds him that those drawings are from his sessions, and his father asks why Matty is on a tricycle.  Danny again reminds him that he said he couldn't go in his room again, and his father gleefully antagonizes him, saying that Danny claimed he couldn't remember anything so why is Matty on a tricycle.  (Clearly something traumatic happened here.)  Danny again tells him not to go through his shit, and Danny's father again says, "Or what?  It's my house."  Danny starts to leave, and Jess tries to stop him.  Danny's dad continues, saying he can answer the question given his brother "apparently vanished into thin fucking---"

Danny throws his plate at him, and his father comments, "Struck a nerve, huh?"  (I want this man to die alone and in pain.)  Danny's mom tells Danny's dad to shut his mouth, but Danny's dad says that it's good, they can see who he really is under there.  To this point, Danny begins to imagine a crocodile.  Danny leaves as his father insists he'll return and Jess stands in the doorstep asking him not to go.

One month later, Detective Trivosonno, or Triv, is investigating a crime scene, namely the one that started the issue.  In the past, we see Danny entering Leo's house and taking the crocodile shoes off his body.  (I think Danny returned to the house after the argument, but I'm not really sure.  After all, he called 9-1-1, so presumably they would've taken the body by the time Danny could return.  So maybe he did it when he initially found the body?)  Triv says that the boot prints are everywhere, which usually means that the perp wants to get caught.  But, here, Triv wonders if they're watching someone finding his calling.

In other words, it's creepy as fuck and I guess I'm totally rooting for a serial killer?  (It's certainly the month for that...)

Energon Universe 2024 Special #1:  Ho boy, the team really delivers here.

The "Transformers" story is spectacular, everything we've come to expect of Johnson.  It's like he knew we could go exactly this long, and not a moment longer, without Megatron, so he gets him in the game here.  In the familiar fight aboard the Ark that precedes the Transformers' arrival on earth, we see him monologuing and rampaging as he's wont to do.  He kills Brawn, and an enraged Optimus tells him to stop.  Megatron gloats that the "leader of the Autobots" is "begging for an end," which is a particularly Megatron spin on Optimus simply telling him to stop.  

Megatron accuses Optimus' softness of bringing "malaise to our precious home" and pokes out his eye screaming, "Your weakness was the downfall of Cybertron!"  But Optimus doesn't take it lying down and uses his energy axe to cut off Megatron's arm (explaining how it was on the Ark, as we've seen in "Transformers").  He then kicks Megatron out the Ark's open door, and Megatron is barely able to grab onto the Ark with his one good hand.  Starscream sees his chance and shoots Megatron in the eye, hilariously saying, "Shhh...don't worry...rest now."

Megatron falls to Earth where, as we know from "Cobra Commander," Cobra-La found him.  He awakens in the lab in Cobra-la, screaming, "Starscream."  Heh.  The scientists try to shut down Megatron but obviously fail, and he breaks his bonds.  He steps on a scientist and demands to know where his "limbs" are, and the scientist points him to the one they found.  (Megatron must've mellowed, because he lets him live.)  Megatron holds up his shoulder to the limb and it self-heals, which isn't a thing I think we've seen before.

At this point, Golobulus and his troops arrive, and Golobulus tells Megatron he belongs to him.  Megatron is cocky and starts to tear through the soldiers, but Golobulus manages to take out his remaining good eye.  Interestingly, Megatron screams that he isn't only the leader of the Decepticons but also of the "True Way."  Realizing he's losing, Megatron flees Cobra-La.  On a cliff in the mountains outside Cobra-La, he announces, "I am coming for you, Starscream."  I, for one, cannot wait!

Meanwhile, it just keeps getting better as we move onto the "Void Rivals" story.  At a spaceport, Skuxxoid is annoyed that Slizardo is pointing a blaster at him.  He explains that he found the alloy that matched the specifications Slizardo sent him but, after they agreed to meet at the spaceport, the Quintessons took it from him (as seen in "Void Rivals" #6).  He mentions the Quintessons' interest in the fact it was "Zertonian," at which point Hot Rod reveals himself!  You guys!  I cannot explain how stoked I am!

Hot Rod clearly hired Slizardo to find the alloy, and Kirkman does a great job nailing his personality in just this short scene.  ("Hello?  Giant intimidating robot here, remember?")  Hot Rod tells Skuxxoid that he's tracking "an ally of mine who's gone missing" and was "obsessed with an old Cybertroning legend, thinking it would lead him to some way of saving our world."  Skuxxoid gives Hot Rod all the information he has, including the trajectory of the Agorrian and Zertonian when they left.  Hot Rod quips, "Stay out of trouble, kids.  I mean it." and leaves, and Skuxxoid tells Slizardo he's going home to his wife and kids.  Meanwhile, an agent of some sort watches from the shadows.

The "G.I. Joe:  A Real American Hero" story is solid and pretty straight-forward as Duke convinces the Baroness to join his team.  First, he has to convince Hawk, who isn't thrilled.  But Duke reminds Hawk that he wanted them thinking outside the box and notes the Baroness is the only one looking at the box through a sniper sight.  Later, two assailants attack the Baroness, and Duke saves her.  It turns out the assailants were Flint and Lady Jaye and Hawk sent them after her:  apparently, Hawk's reluctance to let Duke "hire" the Baroness was because he wanted her for a different team he's assembling.  And he wonders why he has "trust issues" with Duke!

Geiger #2:  OMG, I'm as over Nate as Geiger is.

The issue begins with Nate feeling guilty over the fact they killed a hog, leaving behind his mate and two piglets.  He tells Geiger about a one-eyed man who counted cards better than anyone at the Camelot and how the king eventually ordered Nate and his men to pluck out the man's remaining eye with a cocktail fork.  Geiger tells Nate that he isn't a priest and doesn't want to talk — they're just heading into Silverton, where the man who was cured allegedly last resided.

In Silverton, the sheriff tells them that the town would happily string up Nate given the torment the Nuclear Knights inflicted on the town.  Instead, the sheriff offers a trade:  if Geiger takes out a masked raider who's been stealing from the town, he'll give him the name of the man who was cured and his last known location and the townsfolk won't kill Nate.  Geiger says he isn't a gun-for-hire, and the sheriff says he'll really let the townsfolk kill Nate.

Geiger takes the deal, which probably sets up a pattern in coming issues, of Geiger as his own "A-Team."  (Nate certainly isn't B.A. or Face.)  Nate is once again prattling as they wait for the raider to arrive that night.  Geiger loses it when Nate says they're heroes, and his powers activate (despite the rods) and set his book on fire.  Geiger reminds Nate that the townsfolk would hang both of them if they had a chance, so it isn't heroism so much as a trade.  Geiger dismisses him as a waste of time, and Nate once again gets all hang-dog, forcing Geiger to feel badly (though grudgingly).

Thankfully, the raider arrives and distracts everyone.  Nate literally weighs down Geiger in the pursuit, but they finally catch the guy in a covered pickup truck where they find he has a wife and three kids.  Geiger spares him (but tells him to stop raiding the town) and gives the cracked mask to the sheriff to get the name:  Ash Arden in Lewistown, Montana.

Later, as Geiger and Nate depart for Montana, the raider tells his wife that Geiger was a gift from god who reminded them to return to the "righteous path."  Horrifyingly, though, the man from last issue appears and electrocutes the guy, demanding the wife tell him where the Glowing Man went before he moves onto the children.  The guy's face is familiar, so I think we know who he is?  I guess we'll see.

Seven-Month-Old Comics!: The April 10 Top-Shelf Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Napalm Lullaby #2:  This issue is a lot better than the first one, so I'm happy to say I'm going to hang in here.  That said, Remender spends most of this issue laying breadcrumbs for paths whose ends we won't find for a while.

We begin with Sam telling Sarah that, when they defeat the Magnificent Leader, they should seriously consider her using her powers to re-create the world in their image.  (Sarah's powers are more clearly - if still vaguely - defined here as allowing her to dream things into reality.)  Sarah repeats aphorisms that Sam ascribes to their father, like "Reject all moral authority" and "Fear all moral authority.  Especially your own."  Sam makes the point that a new world order will happen whether they like it or not once they take down the Leader so why not make it one they want?

They arrive at home, which is essentially a museum of high and low culture:  Renaissance paintings and the Venus de Milo stand beside a C-3PO statue and Marilyn Monroe bust.  Sam and Sarah continue arguing, with Sam saying that people are too stupid to make up their own minds.  (Remender certainly wrote this series with the election in mind.)

Ordering Sam to make dinner, Sarah enters their father's study.  He immediately asks if she found any relics, and she simply responds that dinner'll be ready soon.  At the table, their father harps on Sarah about how she didn't find a relic, and, when Sam enters with dinner, he asks Sam if he found any relics.  When Sam says he didn't, their father asks what they we were doing all day.

They confess that they got three haloports to undertake the pilgrimage to the Crystal Temple and inform him that they're taking him with them.  Their father is outraged, but Sam says they know "she's" been in touch with him:  they found letters from inside the dome pleading with him to bring Sam and Sarah to her.  (I'm assuming it's their mother.)

But it's clearly not that simple.  Their father is obviously hiding them from the Leader, noting that they're the only ones (meaning, clearly, people with powers) that "the Janitor hasn't cleaned up yet."  He accuses Sarah of wanting to end the world, and Sarah shoots back that he's hiding in a mausoleum "preserving a dead world."  Sam takes up the cause, accusing their father of hiding.  He then uses his powers to set the room full of relics on fire, prompting a smack from their father.  Sam tells their father that saving the relics won't bring back the past and dares him to help them fix the future.

Later, Sam and Sarah talk on the rooftop, and it's clear the plan is to get Sarah inside the Palace so she use her powers (which is why it ups the difficulty given they only have one sedative pen).  Sam comments that they have to hope she doesn't have a nightmare this time, and Sarah says it won't be like when...something happened.  (I'm guessing it's when they lost their mother.)

The next day, they depart, and their father is with them.  They're all dressed in white robes, and he warns the kids to think only positive thoughts in the Citadel of the Devout, as it's swarming with the Sin Police who can read their intentions.  In this conversation, we learn their father previously lived inside the Citadel and the religion believes that the real Jesus is "an alien named Glokor."  (Hi, Scientology!)

At the gates, the guard scans Sam's face and haloport.  He realizes the haloports are for level-five clerics, which Sam and Sarah are too young to be.  Sam then uses his powers to convince them to let them into the Citadel.  Upon entering, I'll note that the images of the Leader look not totally unlike their father...

Star Wars:  Darth Vader #45:  This issue isn't terrible, though Pryde's annoyingly persistent devotion to Vader makes it clear that he's going to die ignominiously in Vader's service at some point.  

In this issue, Vader brings the Schism Imperial to Tython to raid the Martyrium of Frozen Tears, an enormous kyberite confessional the Jedi built.  Vader orders the Schism to strip the kyberite and use it to shield a ship, which'll clearly play a role in his plot against the Emperor.  But the interesting part is that Vader witnesses Luke's confession, where he wonders if he made a mistake not taking up Vader on his offer to rule the galaxy with him.  That's interesting, and I'm here for us exploring that.

Unfortunately, most of this issue is Pryde expressing disbelief that the rest of the Schism doesn't love Vader the way he does and the rest of the Schism telling him he's an idiot.  [Sigh.]  It is what it is.

Transformers #7:  "Transformers" is absolutely the best series on the stands right now.

On Cybertron, at an unspecified time, Elita-1 leads Huffer, Kup, and Warpath to a fortress where an unnamed Transformer is.  However, they're suddenly ambushed.  Kup questions Elita's plan to traverse a long expanse without cover while they're under active fire, but she brooks no dissent, as they have to make it to the fortress.

Kup orders Huffer to use his shield to cover them as they break for the fortress, but the shields eventually fail and, in a brutal scene where Corona really shines, Huffer gets blown to pieces.  (I should note here that Corona taking over the art is seamless.  I don't know how he mimicked Johnson's work so effectively, but I only realized it was a different artist when I looked at the credits page.)  Kup and Warpath return fire, and Warpath is also blown to bits.  Kup orders Elita to "Save him!" as a sniper blasts off the side of his face.  Elita kicks her way into the fortress to find a disassembled Transformer there.

On Earth, the Pentagon directs the U.S.S. Henry Harrison to Washington as Soundwave challenges Starscream for the leadership in the Decepticon's base, which appears to be inside a volcano.  Soundwave tells the assembled Decepticons that they should be conquerors, the "ones that enslave."  Instead, "barely functioning Autobots and their weakling humans" keep winning.  Rumble starts to say Megatron would make it right, and Starscream backhands him, telling him "Nobody wants to hear from the pipsqueaks."  Soundwave tells him that he's wrong, that they've all sacrificed for the goal of exterminating the Autobots.  But Starscream has failed as leader, and he has to surrender.

Starscream tries to stall, saying Soundwave is a traitor, but Thundercracker interrupts, saying that it's their way that he has to fight off the challenger.  Panicked, Starscream tries to stall again but Soundwave brutally attacks him.  Under onslaught, Starscream offers Soundwave a "co-leadership model," but Soundwave beats him to a pulp.  He ejects Laserbeak who — as Starscream screams, "That's cheatin--" — pecks out Starscream's eye.  Starscream offers to forgive Soundwave's betrayal but Soundwave grabs him and, saying, "You kicked my Ravage.", rips out his stomach and throws him into the lava.

This entire sequence is amazing.  Again, Johnson has the Transformers exhibit emotions in a way I've never seen before.  Thundercracker still seems emotional over Skywarp's death when he intervenes on Soundwave's behalf, and Soundwave's comment about Ravage is dripping with hatred.  Plus, Corona's art is spectacular.  He really conveys these emotions so well:  you can see the hatred driving Soundwave's attacks.  When we get to the battle's final panel, with Soundwave standing over the lava saying, "Good-bye, Starscream," it's an emotional release for all of us.

Holding the pieces he ripped from Starscream's stomach, Soundwave announces these pieces will heal Ravage.  But he pledges not to heal just his own (an interesting turn of phrase regarding his relationship to the cassettes) but to rebuild together.  Asking the Decepticons if they're with him, Thundercracker takes the lead in getting everyone to kneel and scream Soundwave's name.  Again, the art is great, particularly with a pleased looking Laserbeak sitting on Soundwave's shoulder.

At the Ark, Arcee observes Carly training with a rifle.  Carly delights when Arcee misjudges her gun's power and blows up Carly's targets.  Arcee says that Optimus calls her the best shot he's ever seen but she wishes she wasn't so good at it.  Carly says she should revel in it, that it'll help kill Starscream.  But Arcee cautions Carly to watch that the fire she sees inside her doesn't consume her.  It's clear Arcee is speaking from experience, but Carly dismisses her.

Arcee then tells Carly about her teacher, Ultra Magnus, who saved Arcee when her clan was killed during the Siege of Cybertron.  She was young, and he taught her everything she knows.  Alluding to events we haven't yet seen, Arcee says she wanted justice for her people, and Ultra Magnus died because of her "path of hate."  She warns Carly that it takes more than it heals, and Carly simply fires the rifle again and says, "Cool story."  (I'm guessing the robot Elita saves in the fortress is Ultra Magnus.)

In the Ark, Cliffjumper laments how furious Carly is at him for not killing Starscream, and Jazz tells him that Optimus is having the same problem.  We move to the hospital, where Spike is sitting in a wheelchair with Optimus, who asks him to talk to him.  Spike tells Optimus that it isn't his fault, he just needs time.  As they drive to the Ark, Ratchet reminds Optimus that it was Sparky's choice, and Optimus laments Spike losing his family so young as he suddenly has a memory of holding Spike as a baby.

At the Ark, Wheeljack tells Arcee, Cliffjumper, and Jazz that he accidentally revived part of Skywarp's neural cortex.  As such, Skywarp is locking out Wheeljack from the systems, so it's slowing down the repairs.  Wheeljack says that it's only part of Skywarp - "they fried him pretty good" - and Skywarp responds, "Eat.  My.  Vapor.  Auto.  Bast--.", and Wheeljack disconnects him.

Optimus and Ratchet arrive, and Optimus tells Wheeljack they need to find the Decepticons.  Wheeljack says they need someone to get them a "bird's-eye view," and Optimus says he has a plan, looking on the disassembled Autobots.

Again, this issue was just a joy from start to finish.  If you aren't reading this series, I feel sorry for you!

Eight-Month-Old Comics!: The March 13 Top-Shelf Edition - Part Two (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

ThunderCats #2:  If I didn't have an almost 600-issue backlog, I'd consider hanging in here.  As ridiculous as it is to say about anthropomorphic cats from another planet, though, Shavley's ThunderCats aren't all that believable.  For example, they occasionally speak as if they're characters in Shakespearean fanfic yet other times speak "normally."  It's emblematic of what seems like Shavley's uncertainty about the story he's telling.

In this issue, Shavley takes a page from the 2011 cartoon series and introduces Calica as his version of Pumyra.  Panthro is rightfully suspicious when they stumble upon her and asks questions that could fairly easily verify whether she's truly a Thunderian.  But Lion-O's hormones get in the way; after confronting Panthro, he whisks Calico to a separate room to tell her about Thundera's fate.  Calica is somehow Mumm-Ra's thrall, which Panthro would've likely discovered if not for Lion-O's plot-convenient horniness.

In other words, I'm going to get while the getting is good.  It makes me sad, because I really enjoyed the idea of this series but I don't have time to hang in there.

Transformers #6:  To quote Kathy Griffin, holy fuck balls, you guys.

Johnson hurls us right into the action as the Autobots retreat from Devastator as he blocks their access to the Ark.  Contemplating the terror that is Devastator, Sparky remembers Jimmy telling him, shortly before his shuttle launched into space, that nothing bad was going to happen to him.  

As the Autobots retreat, Cliffjumper arrives with Carly, who thankfully convinces him not to drive directly at Devastator since they're the small ones and instead redirects him to a separate access point in the back of the Ark.  As Starscream revels (throwing devil horns, no less) in Devastator scaring the Autobots, Optimus lands a kick in Starscream's face and clears the way for the Autobots to enter the Ark.  A furious Thundercracker opens fire at them, screaming at them that they'll pay for what they did to Skywarp (heh).  

Optimus shields Sparky from the gunfire, and then Optimus, Sparky, Arcee, Jazz, and a crawling Ratchet enter the Ark.  However, Devastator manages to grab Optimus' leg and yanks him from the Ark.  As Devastator pummels Optimus, Arcee and Jazz open fire on him.  Arcee manages to get hold of Optimus and drag him into the Ark as Jazz continues to fire.  Devastator grabs Ratchet's good leg, and Ratchet has Jazz close the door on it, shutting out Devastator (and his leg).

It's intense, y'all.

Before Devastator destroys the Ark in his pursuit of the Autobots, Soundwave tells him to dig his way into the Ark from the mountain's backside.  Meanwhile, Cliffjumper and Carly enter the Ark only to come face to face with Starscream.  

In a scene familiar to anyone who had their heart broken watching "Transformers:  The Movie" in 1986, Optimus tells the Autobots that he's dying, something Ratchet confirms.  A morose Optimus laments that he thought they still had hope and acknowledges that Jetfire was right.  A devastated Arcee begs him not to die, and Optimus removes the Matrix, which he drops onto the floor.

In a totally unexpected development, Sparky wonders aloud, "If there only was a way..." as he looks at the Matrix.  When Ratchet questions what he's doing, Sparky says that every time something bad happened — to his men, to Jimmy, to Spike — he thought to himself, "If only I could have taken their place."  As he hears Devastator knocking through the Ark's walls, Sparky tells Optimus that he knows Optimus is going to care for the world like he cares for his boys.  Asking Optimus to watch over Spike for him, Sparky begins to enter the Matrix.  Before he disappears, he asks the Autobots to tell Spike how proud he is of him.  Sparky then fully disappears into the Matrix, and Optimus is healed.

Pledging to protect Spike and Earth, Optimus is ready to take on Devastator, who's made his way into the Ark.  He tears off Devastator's finger, opens fire with his gun and Megatron's cannon, and then kicks him in the face.

Elsewhere, Cliffjumper gets the jump (heh) on Starscream and wonders aloud what it'll be like to get the revenge he's dreamt about getting.  In the end, though, as he stands over Starscream, he can't pull the trigger, telling Carly that he's tired of all of it.  It's a devastating moment, seeing a warrior surrender to his grief, just as Optimus did moments earlier.  Johnson really uses these moments — and Thundercracker's grief over Skywarp — to convey just how weary the Transformers all are.  But Starscream is nothing but wily and grabs Carly to facilitate his escape.

Meanwhile, Optimus uses his alternate mode to lead Devastator from the Ark and then transforms to continue kicking his ass.  In a fantastic moment, he uses a charging Devastator's momentum against him and hurls him over his head, where —in possibly the best splash page I've ever seen — he crashes into Starscream.  Cliffjumper manages to grab Carly, who's furious at him for not ending it all by killing Starscream, and the Constructions grab Starscream and flee.

In yet another unforgettable moment, Optimus stops Soundwave and tells him that he just wants them to try to save their home.  Soundwave considers Ravage, whose body he's cradling, and then hurls a punch at Optimus, who tells him that he wants peace but is no fool.  Soundwave watches Optimus wordlessly as Thudercracker carries them into the distance.

As if all that isn't enough, we end with Spike awakening and asking where his dad is.

In other words, it's just a spectacular issue from start to finish.  I've loved the Transformers for a long time, and it's really wonderful to see them treated so well.

The Weatherman, Vol. 3 #3:  LeHeup should've titled this issue:  "This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things."

The issue begins in the city of Tharsis on Mars, not exactly where I expected us to be given how we ended last issue.  The Marshal is looking for someone named "the Dream Master."  He shakes down someone to get the Dream Master's location and then finds a strung-out Cross lying between some garbage bags in a back alley.

Later, Cross awakens with a start in a bed in a cabin.  After her initial confusion, she wears a look of shame when she sees the Marshal's boots on a railing outside her window.  She wraps herself in a blanket and heads to look at the inlet the cabin overlooks.  She asks the Marshal how he found her, and he responds, "Redhead nemo junkie gettin' into bar fights so she can lose 'em?  Easiest job I ever had."  She asks where they are, and he tells her that he lived here once with a woman and her son after the service.  He tells her that the woman had a calm way about her and taught him how to see the world in color before, of course, the virus took her and now all he sees is red.

Cross asks the Marshal if Jenner is right, and the Marshal acknowledges that it feels that way sometimes, "bunch'a doomed idiots that can't stop hurtin' cuz they can't stop hurtin.'"  He asks if she really wants to know whether people deserve to die or she does, specifically.  She admits that she can't stop thinking about Nathan and corrects herself to say Ian.  Since she couldn't bring back her son, she broke him, and she admits now she'd do anything to save him.  She then asks why he thinks Nathan stayed alive after Earth, and the Marshal says that he doesn't really now, just that maybe Ian thought he'd gotten a raw deal.  But he notes that this Ian has no hope, which makes him a dangerous man.  But, to the Marshal's mind, if she can find her fight again, she might help Ian find his.

Elsewhere, Burga is discussing the election with her advisor, Jared, and notes that Jenner's Giant Cartoon Doomsday Clock is timed to when Mars will announce the results of its presidential race.  She laments that Councilman Cyrus — a Trumpian figure who "represents the worst of humanity - tribalism, fear-mongering, greed" — is going to win because she hasn't delivered Jenner's head on a platter.  We learn Jenner is after something that is "safely secured inside a top secret Marine base in the heart of the Venusian wasteland."  She comments that, so long as she doesn't get a call that the "something" is no longer "safely secured," they have an election to win.  Then, the phone rings.

At the Venus hypergate, Cross, the Marshal, and White Light are waiting at a traffic jam after some of the hypergate's anchors failed, which means the gate is susceptible to drift.  Their hope is to find Ian's tracker so they can get a read on Jenner's trail.  The Marshal hands Cross some food, and she reacts violently.  The Marshal looks upset, and White Light hilariously writes, "He tried to make something nice!!" on a white board, prompting Cross to tell him that she loves it.  It's an adorable moment in a series with few of them.  Of course, the joy ends instantly when the Marshal asks Cross if she wants seconds and she realizes that a second sample exists (despite Burga telling her that she destroyed it in vol. 2, issue #6).

(Cross makes this realization when she remembers that Djinn told her in issue #1 that Ian wanted to wipe his mind for a "second reason."  Cross (and I) initially thought she meant Sadie (the daughter, not the dog), but, as we see below, Cross realizes that it's because Ian knew where the second bomb was.)

On Venus, Jenner and his team have broken into the facility Burga mentioned.  Ghost is taking on the troops outside while Alice is hacking into the system and Molly, Jenner, and Ian are making their way through the facility.  A dying guard begs Ian to save him and Ian hesitates, only for Jenner to smash his face dramatically, asking Ian who's really innocent.  (When I saw graphically, I mean graphically.  Like, his foot moves in the viscera.)  A guard pumps Jenner's back full of lead, which he somehow expels from his body before killing the guard via electrocution.  Continuing his tirade, Jenner notes that most people are looking for a better world but are "unwilling to sacrifice even the most modest of comforts to achieve it," which I guess means no one is innocent in Jenner's eyes.  

At this point, Alice is using her butterflies to control an engineer to open the vault with the virus.  Jenner notes that Cross lied to Ian — telling him Jenner had the virus sample when he didn't — just to get her revenge.  Jenner says the innocent know they're not innocent once their distractions —their shows, their championships — end.  As he approaches the virus, he says he will end their suffering for real.

As they race to Venus, Cross is screaming at Burga on a call, telling Burga that she told her (Cross) that Burga destroyed the virus and observing that they only have eight hours to save Mars.  LeHeup then connects the dots when he returns to a mystery from last issue, namely why Jenner was so blasé when Ian failed his psych scan.  Cross (correctly) hypothesizes that Ian learned where the second sample was when he stole the first one, but he and Jenner had their "falling out" (i.e., Jenner committed genocide) before Ian told Jenner where it was.  As mentioned above, it's the second reason why Ian wanted to erase his memory.  Since he failed to do so, though, Ian retained that information, which Alice then read.  Burga reinstates Cross, and she, the Marshal, and White Light head to the base.  As Cross says, "[If] we die, we died being awesome."

Hitting the ground, White Light takes on Ghost, who's basically Transor-Z at this point, as Cross heads to the control room and the Marshal to the vault.  White Light transforms their ship again (see vol. 2, issue #5), so we get a fucking awesome Transformers match-up here, which I wasn't expecting.

As Cross enters the base, she sees Ian holding Sadie (the dog) on his shoulders, with Alice noting, "This did not age well.  And you think we're messed up."  (Fair point, honestly, Alice.)  Meanwhile, the Marshal is ready to assassinate Jenner and looks at a locket with photos of, presumably, the woman and her son that he mentioned earlier.  Back in the control room, Alice switches the image that Cross sees to Sadie (the daughter), commenting that Cross has already immersed herself in a horrific reality so she (Alice) didn't need to do anything else.  Alice puts Cross' gun to her (Alice's) head and tells Cross to pull the trigger, but the Marshal observers this development in time as, in reality, Cross has her own gun under her chin (due to Alice's manipulations).  Forgoing taking out Jenner, the Marshal assassinates Alice.  (Cross comments, "Thought you didn't care," and the Marshal responds, "Don't tell White Light.")  Later, Jenner finds the locket that the Marshal left.

Outside, Molly, Jenner, and Ian bolt for their ship as Ghost is handing White Light her ass.  However, White Light lets Ghost attack her ship so she can sneak into Ghost and set off a bomb, destroying him.  Cross shouts at Ian as he and his crew depart, asking him not to do what they're going to do, and Ian stares out her furiously.  Cross, the Marshal, and White Light just watch them go.

It's a fucking ride, y'all.  You know, as I've said before, I'm not sure we're getting a happy ending here.

Seven-Month-Old Comics!: The February 14 Top-Shelf Edition - Part Two (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Kill Your Darlings #6:  We get some answers here but, as usual, they only raise more questions.

In 1977, the Girl Who Wouldn't Burn watches her daughter play with her grandson, Alex.  Later, after murdering her daughter (we see the flesh on the right side of her face is missing), the Girl contemplates Alex's innocence and ponders letting her long life end, a life she clearly prolonged through her children's deaths (as we saw in issue #3).  She alludes that she did it to keep alive a legacy, but, before we can learn more, her dream ends when Rose's mother (whose name is Andrea, according to the intro) kills Alex, as seen last issue.

Shortly after Alex's death, the Girl summons the Great and Terrible Evil (I think) in the woods.  Other than a glimpse of Andrea at the crime scene, the ritual doesn't directly connect Evil to Andrea — in fact, Evil disappears once summoned.  (If you're wondering about the Latin the Girl uses, she tells her servant to ensure the "firstborn" — meaning Rose — suffers and dies.)  The Girl then returns to her house and dies on the porch.

In the present (such as it is), we see the now-abandoned, dilapidated house with the Girl's corpse still on the porch.  She awakens and heads to the video store, and we pick up the scene where we ended last issue.  The Girl is stunned at Evil's presence, and he informs her that he's able to do a lot more thanks to Rose.  The Girl reads Rose's mind and discovers that she's the Firstborn.  The Girl mutters, "And she's..." but then demands Evil take her "to it" before finishing the thought.  Evil agrees and opens a portal to Rosewood, warning her that it isn't as much fun as it was.

In Rosewood, Wallace wants to follow Rose into the portal but Spikes tries to convince him they need to rally forces.  The Girl and Evil arrive, and the Girl marvels at how lifelike the friends Rose manifested are.  The Girl kills Spikes, and Wallace attacks, only for Evil to backhand him.  The Girl stops him from attacking Wallace further, telling Evil that he'll have his blood in time.  Wallace escapes back to the Refuge where he tells them that Spikes is dead (we see his widow grieve).  Meanwhile, Evil drags Rose's body towards a dilapidated Castle Greyskull-style building.

Star Wars:  Darth Vader #43:  This issue's impact depends on remembering minutiae of previous issues.  You need to remember who Corleque is (because he apparently survived the assault on the Executor that his former mentor, Admiral Piett, launched when the Scourge invaded in issue #38), why exactly the Emperor thought Governor Tauntaza colluding with Crimson Dawn (in issue #27) would expose Vader, or how the men Vader "saved" the last time he was on this planet were connected to the energy-draining device (in issue #24) that Administrator Moore and Vader seize here.  

I'm sure I'm missing more — I don't even mention Agent Fabarian or Council Member Santo, who Moore "interviews" here — but tracking down all the references is beside the point.  All these characters, save Moore, are only here as NPCs for whatever new scheme Vader has to undermine the Emperor.  If Pak put some effort into making these characters memorable, maybe I'd care, but he doesn't so I don't.  Oof.

Transformers #5:  This issue is fucking awesome.

We begin with Sparky and Optimus recalling their times at war, Sparky in Korea (I think) and Optimus in the present.  Johnson gives us a panel of Sparky in one position and then Optimus in the same position in the next panel, emphasizing their experiences' similarities.

In the present, Optimus asks Sparky, "How long was your war?"  (Of note, the two of them appears to be in some sort of garret that also contains antiquated communications equipment.)  Sparky replies, "Just one tour.  It was enough."  He asks Optimus how long his war was, and Optimus poignantly responds, "Years.  Years and years and years.  I've lost count.  It's still going."  Just as poignantly, Sparky notes how much more experienced Optimus is at war than he is and asks whether he understands why it has to be this way.  A sad Optimus tells him that he asks himself the same question every day.

On the Ark, I didn't notice initially that, when Soundwave alludes to Skywarp's "sacrifice," his (Skywarp's) head and torso are part of the Ark itself.  Soundwave decides to resurrect Ravage first, but Starscream (hilariously) punts Ravage's body and instead resurrects Thundercracker, who quietly asks Skywarp's lifeless head and torso, "What evil Autobot did this to you?"  (It's another moment of the Decepticons - or, at least, the Seekers - treating each other with affection.)  Starscream lies and tells Thundercracker that Skywarp sacrificed himself for the common good.  

Before they can continue, Soundwave announces that Laserbeak reports the Autobots found their source of energy.  Frenzy declares they need to stop them, and Starscream seems surprised to see him and Reflector, as if Teletraan-1 resurrected them without his approval.  Reflector begins to ask Starscream where Megatron is, and Starscream ignores the question, instead telling them all to rally against the Autobots, who they can eliminate for good.  (Johnson really kills it with the image of them all transforming as they leave for the dam.)

At the dam, Ratchet is wowed by Sparky's idea to place a generator right next to the dam, given that it's the water that creates the power (and not the plant at the dam's base that the "Decepti-whatevers" destroyed in issue #2).  Ratchet has resurrected Wheeljack to help Sparky address their power issue, though Wheeljack's lower half is basically like the old Ironhide and Ratchet design, which prompts some complaining on Wheeljack's part.  But he's impressed by Sparky's design and uses Cybertronian knowledge to refine it, enabling the turbine to power the town for at least a decade.

Cliffjumper has the honor of flipping on the switch, and Wheeljack calls for Optimus to get him (Optimus) fixed.  Instead, in another fantastic scene, Optimus carries Arcee's body, telling them they need their warriors.  Ratchet enthusiastically greets Arcee; As she greets him, she sees the Seekers behind him and saves him from Thundercracker's rocket.  (Ratchet comments on Arcee saving his life upon first waking, and she quips, "I see not much has changed.")  Funnily enough, Thundercrack screams, "Justice for Skywarp!!!"

As Optimus and Sparky open fire on the Decepticons, Arcee and Ratchet drag Jazz to the turbine.  Starscream ejects Reflector, who screams, "Prepare yourself for ISO, Autobots!!"  As he's defining it ("Instant Suffering and Oblitera--"), he sees Optimus with Megatron's cannon and whispers, "Oh dear --," right before Optimus destroys him.  An upset Frenzy launches himself at Optimus, who grabs his leg and slams him into the ground.

Carly's found a gun and opens fire at Thundercracker, despite Cliffjumper warning her to be careful.  Cliffjumper strikes the dam and Carly falls, prompting Prime to scream her name.  Arcee then transforms and speeds up the dam to catch Carly in a fucking kick-ass scene, telling Carly that she's important to her if she's important to Optimus.  (I loved the writing on this issue, but Johnson's art is somehow even better.)  Rumble sneaks behind Cliffjumper only for Jazz to take him down before he can pounce.

Then, it's time for Optimus vs. Starscream.  Somewhat oddly, to be honest, Starscream accuses Optimus of using "something so precious" (Megatron's cannon) for his "own evil purpose!"  (It's the second time the Decepticons refer to the Autobots as evil, and I'd love to hear their pitch about why they're the good guys.  I'm also guessing Megatron's cannon isn't "precious" to Starscream because Megatron owned it.)  Optimus asks if Starscream isn't quaking in his jets at seeing a reminder of who he'll never be, and Starscream manages to take out the turbine before Optimus blasts a hole in him.  

The Decepticons retreat, and Optimus realizes that they finally have enough Autobots to take back the Ark.  Before they can leave, Carly demands to go with them, and Sparky refuses, saying she's too precious after what happened to Spike.  Carly then poignantly says, "Then so what?  Spike's in a coma.  My family's gone.  I deserves to see this end, Sparky."  Carly is distraught, until Cliffjumper grabs her, telling her that she's right, she gets to be there when they stop the Decepticons for good.

As they approach the Ark, Sparky sees it for the first time, remembering his son, Jimmy.  Suddenly, Long Haul rams into Optimus, Scavenger cuts off Ratchet's leg, and Scrapper pushes back Arcee and Jazz.  Starscream appears and gloats that he knew Optimus would follow him.  He tells them that Teletraan 1 has already fixed him and introduces his "new toys!":  the Constructicons.  (We seem to be sticking to the Constructicons' original cartoon origin, where the Decepticons created them on Earth.)  At this point, Starscream calls out the famous phrase:  "Constructicons!  Merge into...Devastator!"  

In other works, fuck, yeah, y'all.

Seven-Month-Old Comics!: The January 10 Top-Shelf Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

The Sacrificers #6:  Remender doesn't give us happy endings almost as a rule, but fuck me if he doesn't at least give us one to conclude this arc.

First things first, Soluna is alive but wizened.  The Foreman gloats over successfully luring her into his lair and tells her that free will is an illusion.  In the most Remender way possible, the Foreman gets his comeuppance when Pigeon bursts from the pipes and the elixir the Foreman created from Soluna's essence falls on him.  Pigeon helps Soluna to her feet as an enraged Foreman attacks him.  The pair tries to flee but falls through a trap outside the castle.  Pigeon opens his eyes to find Noom's skull and whispers to himself that she was his only friend.  He then hears a horn, which we see the Foreman's assistant blowing to send out the "Husks."  (This entire sequence is spectacular, not just because of Fiurama's amazing art but also due to Remender's propulsive script.)

Meanwhile, Rokus visits Luna on the Moon, where we see many versions of her arguing over which one gets to face the world.  Rokos tells Luna that their fighting is harming their daughter and reminds her that it was never his choice to separate.  Luna tells him that she will not participate in "this abomination."  Rokos screams at Luna that she participated in the ceremony for eons without a problem, and she tells him that she's simply acting on what they all know — it's time to turn over power to the next generation.  (Man, this theme is relevant this month!)  

Rokos says that the next generation isn't ready and rages when Luna criticizes what he's doing to his own people, since he believes that he's serving their every need.  He attacks her, and, when her other selves try to defend her, he destroys them.  He demands that she return with him to the palace, drink the elixir, and raise their daughter, but she tells him that she won't become something she hates to survive.  In a true Remember moment, Rokos kills her, saying that she will never eclipse him again.  I mean, wow.  I think I stopped breathing at some point here it was so intense.

In a tangled forest of vines, Pigeon tries to carry Soluna but can't.  They fall into a poisonous bog, and Soluna says that she won't run — she's going to wait for Luna to save her.  When Pigeons asks why Luna would do that, she tells him that Luna is her mother.  Pigeon is stunned that she's "one of them" while Soluna rails at the moon, which turns to face her and then disappears.

The Husks arrive and attack, and Pigeon tells Soluna to stand.  She says that she no longer has a reason to do so, and Pigeon uses newfound powers to rip the Husks to shreds.  While he marvels at what he did, Soluna attacks him, realizing that he has her powers.  She demands that he return her powers or she'll do...something, but Pigeon hurls her to the ground before she can finish that threat.  In a spectacular moment, he looks on her with a face full of determination and strength (thanks to Fiurama) and tells her that she'll do nothing.  

Telling Pigeon that she's lost everything, Soluna demands he help her.  He tells her that people helped her for her entire life and the only way to help her now is to leave her on her own.  She pledges her family will reward him, and he tells her that her family murdered his best friend so he's going to reward them.

Ha!  Again, I worry for Pigeon, but right now?  I'm going to gloat in the comeuppance that he's set to bring.

Star Wars #42:  This issue is interesting for a number reasons, in no small part because it really delves into Jedi lore.  But Soule goes further, as Gretta's feelings for Luke become clear in a way that we usually don't see in "Star Wars."

The issue begins with Luke tracking down Gretta, revealing that Artoo ("Star Wars'" true hero) tracked her telemetry after they last met and they've been visiting her potential destinations since the Scourge's threat ended.  Luke tells Gretta that he wants to enter the red khyber crystal again so that he can get more experience confronting Sith, since he knows that he'll have to face the Sith one day.

Barging into the room, Gretta's Auntie Feez tells Luke that she's Force-sensitive but didn't become a Jedi because it's a path for obsessives.  (She isn't wrong.)  Feez tells Luke that she taught Gretta everything she knew about the ritual they tried last time but hasn't told her everything she knows.  (She never really addresses why she didn't, which seems selfish given the fact the Fallanassi are virtually extinct.)  Feez agrees to help Luke, given he helped Gretta.  Luke exposits that he feels like if he can cure the crystal, he can bring a Sith back to the light as well.  (Aha!)

Feez explains that 1) each crystal is unique because each Sith's pain is unique and 2) pain tends to pull in everyone around it so it's possible to get lost in the crystal.  To bring the crystal to the light again, Luke will have to travel through the owner's memories, which are embedded in the crystal.  Luke leaves, and Feez teases Gretta about how Luke is only interested in the Force, unlike most boys his age.  Feez is worried about breaking the law and helping a Jedi, but she agrees with Gretta's assessment that Luke seems lonely and has kind eyes.

At a ritual that night, Feez guides Luke into the crystal, where he once again encounters the Sith that he first saw.  The Sith's guards make quick work of him and throw Luke in the dungeon.  The Sith expresses surprise, though, that Luke is clean and has a lightsaber, explaining that the last Jedi in his (I think) court was a jester until he committed suicide.  The Sith then expresses skepticism that a Jedi could "heal" him since they couldn't even save themselves.

In other words, this period isn't great for a Jedi, which is definitely intriguing.  Soule seems ready to tell a story that he really wants to tell, so I'm here for it.

Transformers #4:  Ho boy.

With Starscream in hot pursuit, Optimus radioes Ratchet to tell him that he's taken major damage and Spike is hurt.  Ratchet apologizes to Wheeljack's prone form, telling him that they need firepower.  In a fantastic sequence, Starscream lands in front of Optimus and hovers over him menacingly.  Johnson then changes the perspective to Carly, as she sees Starscream through Cliffjumper's windshield.  Carly tells Cliffjumper to, "Get his ass.", and Cliffjumper rams Starscream, throwing him to the ground.  Optimus then takes the chance to drive over him.  Ha!  Starscream calls Soundwave for backup as Optimus and Cliffjumper speed away.

The team arrives at the hospital, and Sparky runs to the awaiting doctors carrying Spike.  Laserbeak arrives, and Cliffjumper and Optimus cover the hospital staff as Laserbeak opens fire.  Rumble takes down Cliffjumper as Soundwave arrives in all his glory, with a kick to Optimus' face.  Starscream arrives and tells Soundwave to halt, noting, with joy in his voice, the hospital is where they "fix the squishy ones."  He rants that he can't believe Optimus would bring the "ants" to "get repaired."  To exacerbate Optimus' suffering, Starscream opens fire on the hospital, taking out the generator and delaying Spike's surgery.

Soundwave warns Starscream they've got incoming Autobots, and Cliffjumper gives us his best, "All right!!!" as Jazz speeds at the Decepticons.  Jazz transforms and launches a rocket at Stascream's head and then slides under Soundwave.  Regrouping, the four Autobots face the four Decepticons, who flee.  

In yet another amazing scene, Optimus later watches Spike's prone form from a hole in the hospital's ceiling, and  we learn that, without power, the doctors can't keep Spike, or several other patients, alive.  Sparky cries over his "beautiful boy," which hit the dad in me in the feels.  It also hit Optimus in the feels, since he opens his chasis and uses the Matrix to power the hospital.  Ratchet tries to stop him, but Optimus says, "No more death[,] even if it comes at a price."  One of the nurses says "Oh, thank God," and one of the doctors replies, "Not God...thank...metal?"

At the Ark, Soundwave criticizes Starscream for his lack of a plan and focus only on destruction.  Starscream demands repairs, but Soundwave notes that the materials they need only exist in Cybertronian technology.  He and Starscream then look at a still-wounded Skywarp who screams, "What are you doing?  Brothers?", as they rip him to shreds.  (It's interesting he calls them 'brothers," a term of endearment I wouldn't associate with Decepticons."

At the hospital, Sparky tells Spike's comatose body that, after the war, he moved him and his brother to Farmington so he could protect them from where he was raised, another reminder of how grim Sparky's life sounds like it was.  He tells Spike that he couldn't see the good in the world after the war and his brother's death.  He says his depression (though he doesn't call it that) is like a sickness that spreads to the ones he loves the most and contemplates how he doesn't have Spike there to remind him of the good.  

From the courtyard, he overhears a young patient on an IV ask Optimus to transform, which he does, delighting the boy.  Sparky asks Optimus if he saved Spike and, if he did, could he do it again as Spike is in a coma.  Optimus explains that the Matrix is now empty so what happens now "is up to the Great Spark."  

In the hospital, Ratchet tells Optimus he's fixed the generator and then reminds him that they need him.  He knows the Matrix, when empty, drains its host, and he's worried Optimus chose to save Spike instead of fix himself.  Optimus calls the humans innocent, and Ratchet disagrees, noting they're prone to destruction, as they're the ones who shot Spike.  Optimus comments, "Just like us."

Jazz collapses, and Ratchet explains that he pooled all their energon to get him going.  Ratchet makes the point that they all die if Optimus dies and then they won't be there to protect the humans from the Decepticons.  (Fair enough, Ratchet.)  Ratchet suggests they use something in Optimus' trailer to even the score, as they're the last of their kind, "fighting for survival."  Optimus balks and, before we see what it is, Sparky arrives, telling them that he has an idea about their energy problem.

Inside Carly's broken house, Cliffjumper attempts to console her, telling her that Starscream killed his clan and he joined the war the next day.  Carly cries and asks Cliffjumper if the feeling ever stops, and he simply comments, "Oh, Carly."  It's an incredibly moving moment, an example of why this series is so engaging.  At this point, Optimus arrives, with Megatron's cannon (clearly the item in his trailer) on his arm, asking them if they're ready to go on the offensive.  Fuck, yes!

Meanwhile, Starscream drags Decepticon bodies that he's raided to a pile, gloating that he's the Deception leader, "Today!  Tomorrow!  Forever!"  Putting some doubt on that, we end with a panel of Megatron on ice somewhere else.

In other words, man, I love this series.