Eight-Month-Old Comics!: The October 18 Top-Shelf Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

From the World of Minor Threats:  The Alternates #2:  Enh.  

This issue is better than the first one as the plot comes into focus.   Kid Curious realizes the "Prestige" drug all the kids are taking is somehow small liquefied doses of the Ledge, and the Persona discovers someone used black magic to turn one of the Divider's clones into his alleged fiancée.  (I can't remember why it's significant, but I'm assuming we'll learn at some point.)  After Crab Louie overhears his daughter agreeing to meet her boyfriend at a club where they can get their hands on some Prestige, the team follows her.  Once they identify her supplier, they follow him to see who's supplying him.  

All that said, I still find myself not particularly caring.  I don't know why exactly, but there you have it.

Coda #2:  This issue is nonsensical.

We begin with a group of creatures that look like a mix between goblins and mice offering a helmet, called the Embetterment Artifice, to their elder, Constructor Krocklamesh.  (Yeah...)  Krocklamesh allegedly worked on this helmet for 12 years, and the creatures are apparently members of Clan Oblique who want to bring peace and security across the world.  A large pink-skinned woman informs the group she'll accompany them because they need someone to keep them on the straight and narrow.

Elsewhere, Hum narrates this story to "Little Gap," opining that, when he (or she or it) encounters "one of these seductive promises I've been yammering on about -- big changes, brave new starts, etc.," he (or she or it) should make sure they've got "some other guiding light already in place."  Sure, whatever.

Hum informs us "Little Gap" is the "tiniest trace of absence, to make the rest of [his] quiet life moving forward."  Meanwhile, Hum is in a prison in Gorepit, where a solider informs him that the Gorepitians reject all the "old world's" traces, like magic and royalty.  That said, an important-seeming, tow-haired boy follows a Gorepitian official down a large exterior staircase.  It took me several readings to understand that someone named Mildew the Breaker bought the kid in a slave market and presented him to Gorepit as the son that its king lost during the Quench.  Apparently, the "scion's" absence sparked a cult, and Mildew is clearly trying to profit from that.

The official and scion join the soldier and the prisoners (including Hum) at the Place of Death, though the solider, to Hum's surprise, simply exiles Hum, the "scion," and "all members of this foolish little sect."  But the solider orders Nag's death, as he represents the "nonsensical old ways."  

I still can't entirely figure out Hum's involvement in this scam.  After all, I first thought he was in prison in Ridgetown, since, when last we left him, he discovered that Ridgetown creates akker by harvesting the blood of th least elf.  But we never get an explanation of how he's suddenly in Gorepit, and we also don't get an explanation of how he and Nag come to be connect, at least tangentially, to Mildew's scam.

At any rate, Hum proclaims Nag is only there because unicorns have to obey virgins and the "scion" sees him as a "sacred symbol" and part of some sort of prophecy.  The soldier is unmoved and orders the firing squad to open fire.  But the scion runs in front of the squad, taking bullets for Nag, which prompts Nag to go on a rampage. 

Meanwhile, the pink-skinned woman arrives at Gorepit with Clan Oblique.  While she's been killing raiders (of what sort, we're not told), the creatures have amassed a following telling people that they're going to liberate food from said raiders.  Once at Gorepit, the woman exposits that her husband does their shopping in Gorepit, making it clear that she's Serka.  (Isn't someone holding her hostage?  I guess not?)  Upon Clan Oblique's arrival, the soldier (I think) declares them all inhuman marauders come to "despoil and scavenge in our moment of weakness!"  (The "weakness" is presumably the aftermath of Nag's rampage, but I'm not sure.)  Anyway, Gorepit's soldiers engage Clan Oblique as Serka tries to stop them.

Standing over the dying soldier's body, Serka shows him a badge they took off a thief in the wilderness, and the soldier tells her that it's a badge of a customs agent meant to collect a small tithe from merchants.  (Didn't Hum already kill this guy last issue?)  One of the people following Clan Oblique gets nervous, informing Serka that the "thief's" crime was imposing a tithe "all because a few little barrels of siren berries were rotten."  (I guess he was an actual customs agent then and not Hum's thief?)  Disgusted, Serka asks a Gorepitian about why Gorepit isn't as rich as she thought, and the woman responds that "some weirdo in a hood bewitched the workers [who] cleared out the food stores 'n followed him into the desert[,] all because that lot shot some dumb little kid."  (How much time has passed here, exactly?  Mildew had enough time after the squad killed the kid to stir up a revolution?  Are they the "raiders" stealing the food?)

At least enough time has passed for us to find Hum fishing at a red lake when he hears a voice, in italics text, announce to a caravan arriving at the "Crimson Mire!  where perished the last kings of High Chivaris."  Hum watches as the cult's leader (presumably Mildew) reinterprets the prophecy, noting that "dozens" of them saw "a light" the instant the scion died, marking the "coronation of a new god."  Since the "prophecy" said the scion would found a new kingdom, they now declare that they're a new nation.

Rushing to a caravan, Hum calls for Mildew as he opens the doors.  He's disgusted by the sight of a creature with many bubbles of tadpole-like creatures in her stomach, and Mildew informs him the creature is a "sprigmother."  Mildew orders a worker to spread spawn within a thirty-mile radius so they can declare a miracle to eliminate all doubts about "the prophecy."  One of Mildew's thugs, named Mr. Kroti, ejects Hum on Mildew's orders, and Hum watches in dismay as the cult members set up camp on his land.  Hum ponders where he heard the name "Mr. Kroti" before when Serka arrives.

After they kiss, Hum immediately asks Serka if she's pregnant, and I'm guessing "Little Gap" is their unborn child.  Serka then realizes Mildew is the hooded cult leader Clan Oblique is chasing and tells Hum to get down.

In other words, I really have no fucking idea what's happening here.  Normally I'd hang in there since I think it's only a five-issue series, but I've got 300+ issues to read so I'm done.

Kill Your Darlings #2:  Holy shit, this issue, you guys.

In 1700, a group of men burst into a cabin where a coven of witches is meeting.  They kill all the witches save one, who they find hiding under the floorboards.  Calling her "the girl who wouldn't burn," it seems clear she's the girl from last issue.  Screaming, "we were supposed to be safe here!!!", she uses vines to kill the men.

In 1995, Rose clutches Wallace in the back of a police car.  

Fast-forwarding to 2003, Rose is in the Anderson Center, a place for troubled teens.  She wound up there when the "foster care system proved...problematic" for her, as the creepy Dr. Jacobs mentions to two parents who are there about their son.  The mother physically recoils from Rose, and Jacobs alludes to the "media blizzard around the...well, the nastiness with the fire in Valley Oaks."  Meanwhile, all the other students whisper about Rose burning her mother alive.

The only bright spot for Rose is Elliott's visits.  Elliott remains in a rough place as his mother is bed-ridden and his father is completely disconnected from them.  Elliott's a stand-up dude:  he's not only visiting Rose but tells her about how he's maintaining his mom's garden since it makes her happy.  Elliott apologizes for talking about his mom, and Rose quips that she killed hers.  Elliott chastises her, but Rose confesses that everyone's whispered about her for years and she still doesn't have a better explanation other than that she was the one who set the fire.  Before confirming they'll meet at the back exit at the usual time, Elliott pulls out Beat-em-Beasts for them to play, and one of Rose's cards depicts elephant-like "The Eternal Warrior."

That night, Rose's new roommate screams when she sees Rose sneaking to meet Elliott, but before she can raise the alarm the sprinklers start.  Rose runs into the hallway to see an arrow through the fire alarm, and several guards make chase.  She rounds the corner to find...Wallace!  He uses sleeping arrows to take out the guards and leads Rose to the exit as she ponders whether she's lost her mind.  We get the first hint that she hasn't when Dr. Jacobs finds one of the guards with a blow dart in his neck.  

Outside, Rose and Wallace escape over the fence and find Elliott.  Rose is thrilled to learn Elliott can see the "little elephant man" (Wallace corrects him with "elopig."). Wallace explains that the Kingdom of Rosewood is in danger.  Rose tells him that she can't return because that "thing" almost killer her, but Wallace tells her that it's been killing them ever since she left.  Wallace tells Rose she could create life where there once wasn't any, and Rose brightens.  He then leads them to the gate to Rosewood.

I was meh on the first issue of this series, but Parker and Sheridan wisely don't drag out the mystery, instead confirming here that Rosewood was real.  I'm excited to see where we go from here.

Local Man #6:  This series is starting to get repetitive, as Jack has to face another unhinged nut job coming after him.  

This time, it's an armed kid with #Truth written in tape on his flack jacket who opens fire in Inga's diner.  His goal is to kill "Local Man," because he somehow knows that Jack killed Camo Crusader.  Brian later tells Jack the only people who knew about Crusader were Inga and Kopecki, who winds up killing the kid to end his rampage.  Interestingly, Kopecki knew the kid, since the kid went to church with Kopecki's aunt, so I think it might be possible Kopecki is part of the same crowd as the kid.  That said, Inga suspects her investors though they deny it, leaving open the question how the kid knew.

Meanwhile, Brian asks Jack to speak to a group of hippies called the Star Tribe.  They're camping in a nearby park, and they don't like cops, obviously.  But a 16 year old girl who Inga knew through the Future Forum wound up drowned, and the Tribe apparently harbors known criminals so Brian wants some information.  Jack agrees, but the creepy Swamp Thing-esque creature who follows him implies the Tribe probably didn't do it.

At some point, you start to wonder why Third Gen doesn't let Jack leave Farmingham, since the attention that he's bringing probably isn't doing them any favors.

Star Wars #39:  Oof, this issue.  Soule really puts Lando (and us) through the emotional ringer.

The Talky manages to knock the rancor unconscious long enough for him, Lando, and Lobot to escape the pit.  But he warns Lando that they've got to bolt, as Jabba the Hutt is on his sail barge and will return at some point.  As the Talky navigates Jabba's palace to get them to a secret exit, Scourge-controlled droids surprise them and grab Lobot.  The Talky assumed they wanted him, but, as we know from the main series, the Scourge wanted Lobot given his hybroid status.  Lando and the Talky eventually find Lobot, only for the Scourge to inform Lando that he now controls Lobot.  "Lobot" departs with the other droids as Jabba returns, his men's guns a-blazin', and Lando brings the Talky to the Millennium Falcon and pledges to save Lobot.

But Lobot's isn't the only friendship Lando is forced to consider here, as he stands before Han before he bolts with the Talky and Lobot.  He (correctly) realizes that he and Lobot don't have time to free Han, since he'll be weak and potentially blind.  I initially judged Lando for that, but, when he made that argument, I realized that he was right.  But it means Lando failed not one but two friends here, and Soule makes it clear that Lando knows that.

The chips are down, and, knowing Lando, he's going to double down.  It'll be fun to watch.

Subgenre #1:  I like Kindt, and he does something interesting here.  

A hard-boiled detective named Verge (which isn't a very "hard-boiled" name) gets hired by his world's Disney (Decipher Comics) to investigate the murder of several blue-skinned monks from a cult called "I.P. Agents" at their HQ.  Verge himself tangled with a similar monk earlier in the day, though he seemed to think he was his landlord?  It was weird.  The man's blue skin definitely didn't seem to both him.

Deciper sends him to meet a woman who explains she caused a scene at Decipher several days earlier when she learned they used an AI to write the book she had just read and loved.  (I'm still not sure why causing a disruption makes Decipher seemingly want to pin murders on her, as I think they're trying to do here?)  She insists on accompanying Verge to the I.P. Agents' sanctum sanctorum, since she wants to see their rare-book collection, since they apparently are buying all such books.  

At the library, the monks' leader appears, and his monks attack Verge.  He says they're particularly interested in Verge and strikes him in the head with a baton that sends him into a new Roman body, where he again faces the blue-skinned monks.

It's weird, and I kind of like it.  I initially wasn't inclined to hang in there, but, re-reading this post, I think I will.

Eight-Month-Old Comics!: The October 11 Top-Shelf Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

The Hunger and the Dusk #3:  I am very happy to report that I was totally wrong about how this issue would go.

We begin in the aftermath of a battle between the orcs and the Vangol in the North, as Troth observes to his right-hand man, Karok, that they'll exhaust their warriors before the Vangol exhaust their ships.  Faran calls to Troth and points out the dirt below a Vangol warrior's fingers.  She tells him the old poems say the Vangol were a canny lot, though something happened to them when they went to the West that turned them into the monsters they are now.  Karok interrupts the pair right before they kiss.  Troth quips that he hopes his cousin fares better, and Faran hopes she fares well...while far from there.

In the South, Conwy brings a beer to Tara, who's devastated over Loris' death.   She asks Conwy how they could just put her in the ground, implying the orcs have a different funerary custom.  Conwy assures her that Loris' death wasn't her fault.  Tara thanks him for how kind he's been, and Conwy tells her that, in his experience as a warrior, failure and grief play a much larger role than does hope, which often leads to mistakes.  Tara is upset Cal isn't speaking to her, and Conwy tells her that it's because he's mourning a friend.  On cue, Cal tells everyone to get moving.

At a campfire that night, Conwy tells Cal that he's got to talk to Tara, reminding him that she's far from home.  He goes to her tent (bum-chick-a-bow-wow) and also tells her that Loris' death wasn't her fault.  Tara rues that she couldn't heal Loris despite all her skill, and, striking a similar theme as Troth, Cal tells her that there are too many Vangols and too few of them.  He suggestively lies back, hands behind his head.  He tells Tara that their partnership won't fail, because they've both been sent from their families.  It would've crushed most people, but they're survivors.  Tara cuddles to him.

They awake in this position the next day when one of the Last Men's scouts finds a Vangol scout and the Last Men capture him.  Tara recognizes that the Vandal is speaking a 500-year-old dialect, realizing they must've continued using their language after they left the continent.  Pulling out the arrow with which Conwy shot him, Tara tells the Vangol she'll heal him if he helps them.

The Vangol reveals how the Vangol have been traveling where they shouldn't be:  underground tunnels (recalling the dirt Faran found under the Vangol's fingertips).  Before they went extinct, the dwarves apparently built tunnels to the sea in case they had to escape their underground fortresses.  The entrances are only accessible during low tide, so you have to know where to look for them.  Tara pleads for Cal to send someone to tell Troth, which he does.

In the North, Troth and Faran attend the funeral for the dead soldiers, showing the more formal ceremony that Tara mentioned.  (Interestingly, the burial is at a peak with a view of two mountains, which they call the Two Twins, referring to their gods.)  Faran takes Troth into a tent to get busy (maybe for the first time), though Karok interrupts them again, this time to announce the arrival of the Last Men's rider.  (Karok hilariously apologizes when he sees a barely covered Faran in the doorway.)

Down South, the Last Men release the Vangol and Mikil goes to follow it.

Again, Willow is doing a great job here.  The intercultural tension is present, but she isn't playing it up as much as other authors would.  Instead, she keeps you focused on the tension that's actually driving everyone's actions, namely the Vangol threat.  It feels more realistic in that way, and I can't wait to see where we keep going.

Star Wars:  Dark Droids #3:  Let's get right to it.

The issue opens with the Scourge recalling the memories of a droid who once witnessed diamond rain on a planet where he worked as a laborer.  The Scourge gets lost in the beauty of it before realizing that he needs to inhabit Threepio fully, given the danger of his mission on Mustafar.  It's the first hint the Scourge is straining to stay coherent with all the minds under his control.  

On the Chelator, now Scourge 1, the Scourge inhabits a body that resembles the Witch-king of Angmar.  (It's pretty great.)  He realizes the Rebels also know of his presence, pitting him against two powerful enemies.  He's still focused on controlling "the meat," though, and we're treated, if it's the right word, to a horror show of droids with organic limbs.  (The droid with a skull for a head is terrifying.)

However, he can't control the bodies' consciousnesses yet.  He observes that he was created to inhabit organics, commenting on the Spark Eternal inhabiting Miril and Aphra.  (I don't know who Miril is, but I'm assuming they're a character from "Star Wars:  Doctor Aphra.")

On Mustafar, a droid attacks Vader in the bacta tank where we left him at the end of "Star Wars:  Darth Vader" #39, and it's chilling to see the droid and its fellow dragging a limbless Vader through the facility.  Of course, Vader isn't powerless, and he uses the Force to control his lightsaber and destroy the droids.

But the Scourge is forced to turn his attention to Scourge 1, as Ajax and his compatriots arrive.  The Scourge is worried the reprisals are happening faster than he expected, another sign that he's flailing.  But Ajax is also flailing, as his unending stream of inspiring quotes from motivation posters ends when TIE fighters take out Gertee.  

Meanwhile, the Scourge wonders if he didn't make a mistake in going after Vader when he did, as he struggles to fight off Ajax *and* find a way to take control of cyborgs.  He realizes he has to decide between fighting off Ajax, taking out Vader, or hacking the cyborgs (cue the repulsive scene of a R2-series unit with arms and legs).  Realizing he has to save himself first and foremost, he takes on Ajax and his followers, who self-destruct to protect their secrets.  

He then figures out a way to take control of the cyborgs, by transmitting himself in waves, not all at once.  With Ajax's invasion repelled and the cyborgs hacked, the Scourge goes for the trifecta:  taking out Vader.  However, Vader uses the Force to go after the spider droid coming toward his "helpless" body.   Oh, well.  Two out of three isn't bad.

Elsewhere, Ajax flees Scourge 1 alone, and the Scourge delights in suddenly taking on cyborgs, including Lobot, Valance, and someone else I don't recognize.

Like other issues, this issue requires a lot of concentration, mostly due to the fact that so much information comes from the Scourge's lengthy narration sequences.  But we're getting enough action in the tie-in issues to make it a worthwhile read.

Undiscovered Country #26:  This issue doesn't make a lot of sense, in part because it isn't supposed to make a lot of sense.  Aurora - or America - is playing a game, and the rules aren't clear.

500 miles off the California coast, Admiral Nelson of the AEA and Admiral Liu of the PAPZ ponder the fate of the party they just sent over the wall, which we now know was only three days ago.  Liu invites Nelson to dine with him and his officers that night, and Nelson is offering to return the favor when a PAPZ officer interrupts.  The officer informs Liu they must escort all AEA officers off PAPZ ships and then head immediately to the Taiwan Strait.  The officer makes it clear the Emperor issued the orders, and Nelson, revealing he speaks Mandarin, acknowledges that shit gets crazy sometimes.  After Nelson departs, the officer reveals to Liu that a plane has crashed into Taipei, with a spectacular image from Camuncoli emphasizing the devastation.

At the Vajont Dam in the Alps, a man named Joshua tests positive for Sky.  Annie tells Joshua she'll run him to one of the treatment centers down the coast, but Joshua refuses, figuring he'd rather die in the Alps than in a camp.  Annie, with whom he seems to have a romantic relationship, refuses to let him.  Annie asks if he wants to call his parents, and he says that he wouldn't want to bother them, as they're very busy people.

900 miles from Taiwan, Liu expresses disbelief in the PAPZ's assessment that the AEA intentionally shot down the passenger jet.  Liu confirms to a suit in Beijing that the AEA's Pacific Fleet is following them to provide humanitarian aid, and the suit announces the PAPZ has just extended its maritime border 1,000 miles, just as the Pacific Fleet hits 950 miles.  On the AEA ship, an officer points out this new border means they're in PAPZ territory, but Nelson notes leaving the area would acknowledge the PAPZ's claim.  Another officer informs Nelson the PAPZ fleet is spinning up its missile cruiser, and Nelson orders him to do the same.

In Italy, Annie and Joshua have spent time clearing the road, implying some level of devastation in this area.  Joshua begins coughing and confesses to Annie that he realizes they should've had a child.  He was excited about it, though he never told her that, and he can't "think of a single reason that ever seemed like something to put off."  It's funny how, as a parent, I think about that all the time, about how I wonder what exactly I needed to do before I became a parent.  

On Nelson's ship, his officer confirms the missile the PAPZ fleet fired was an older model, possibly meaning they weren't trying to hurt them.  Nelson orders the armory "kids" to return fire in the same vein and wonders why they're firing at all.  (If it isn't clear, Liu and Nelson are great characters, the polar opposite of Chang and Janet's squabbling bureaucrats.  They're professional soldiers who understand how the game works and not to take it personally.)

In Italy, Annie gets Joshua to a camp, but he's already crying blue.  The triage officer says that it isn't protocol to treat someone this far gone, but Annie tells him to scan Joshua's ID chip.  The guy opens his eyes wide and orders Joshua to get one of the few courses of "orgocet" left.

On Liu's ship, Liu informs a hologram of the Emperor that the action he's ordered him to take will result in a serious escalation of their conflict.  But the Emperor is furious the AEA is denying responsibility for the million lives lost and orders him to attack.  Liu says they'll fire the "hungry ghost" missiles at one of the AEA cruisers, and the officer exposits the AEA doesn't know about them so won't be able to deploy efficient countermeasures.

One second before the missile strikes, several lasers destroy them and an enormous helicarrier, for lack of a better term, decloaks over the ships.  Uncle Sam announces that it's the United States of America, and they've prevented the two sides from going to war.  Sam announces the negotiating team successfully convinced them to send out the Sky cure, and we see capsules full of odd robots deploying the cure with what looks like a fork.

Meanwhile, Nelson gets a message that he relays to Liu, who's responsible for communication with the negotiators:  he's to inform Janet that her son, Joshua, died.

In Zone Plenty, a stunned Charlotte returns to the team.  She informs them that America or Aurora (raising the possibility they're not the same entity) released the Sky cure to the world.  She also confirms that the AEA and PAPZ believe they (the negotiators) were responsible.  Janet notes they didn't even begin the negotiations, and Charlotte informs her that her son died of Sky.  A furious Janet rants that America had the power to save her son at any time but didn't.  (Fair.)

Suddenly, one of the Plenty-ers announces the "rider" is back, and they all turn to see Pavel riding a crazy looking horse.  The issue ends with him asking, "You want to go see Aurora?"  Fuck yeah, Pavel.

Eight-Month-Old Comics!: The October 4 Top-Shelf Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

The Sacrificers #3:  Ho boy.  This issue confirms this story goes where we all probably suspected it was going, as the first group of children make their sacrifice.

In the land of the gods (or whatever they are), Soluna narrates their arrivals at the Harvest Gala, which happens every 20 years.  She refers to them as the lords of "every municipality," though her descriptions evoke god-like portfolios, such as Kronious' position as lord of labor and gears or Mithera's as paramour of climate.  Soluna notes she'll enter this world one day but swears to her hog-like companion Doto that she won't become one of them.

A trill of excitement falls over the Gala as Queen Luna, master of the tides, arrives.    (She looks like Cassandra Nova if she were made of water.)  Soluna is joyfully surprised Luna came, and Luna engages in barbs with Xia as she crosses the room

In the daycare center-like room we saw at the end of issue #2, the Sacrificers enjoy a puppet show and games, and Noom introduces Pigeon to tag.  Later, Pigeon confesses to Noom that he's waiting for the other shoe to drop, and she encourages him to "never waste what precious time we have predicting the wreckage of the future."  Fair point, Noom.

Suddenly, a troop of Oompa Loompa-esque men whisk away several children for the first "feast."  Noom is one of the ones these hype men choose (as is Blond), and she encourages Pigeon to work on his faith so they'll choose him next time.  The men lead the chosen Sacrificers into a colorful salon with '50s-esque hair dryers.  I'll admit I became instantly worried, a feeling the hope on Blond's face only exacerbated.

The "beauticians" work on the children until flipping a switch, at which point the "hair dryers" suck the life from them.  For some reason, no one switched on Noom's, so she panics when she sees the husks next to her.  They force her into a chair to die like the others, and one of the beauticians laments that Noom's terror means they'll only get fear from her.  Looking at a tube, she comments that she knows" someone who adores the stuff."

The beauticians then pull levers that drop the kids' bodies into grates below the floor. Meanwhile, their energy is literally distilled into a blue liquid the gods drink at the Gala as they exclaim they ask only for the one small sacrifice so everyone (else) can live "in return for life on a perfect world."

Remender, man.

Star Wars:  Bounty Hunters #39:  Poor Kligson.  It must be hard to be messianic and an idiot.

Three days ago, Kligson reveals to a still-sentient Telemark that he threw in his lot with the Scourge and invited "the contagion," as Telemark calls it, to the station.  Kligson informs Telemark that Ajax returned weeks ago but left without knowing his followers were still alive, thanks to Kligson erasing the data logs.  (He's definitely an asshole, you guys.)  Telemark reminds Kligson that they saved him, and Kligson rages that they left him a cyborg, neither droid nor human.  He rips off Telemark's head, explaining why the Telemark is so...spacey.

Yesterday, on the Enigma Catalyst, Valance tells T'onga to kill him if Kligson can't restore his memories, and T'onga reluctantly agrees.

Today, T'onga looks in horror at the empty vessel into which Kligson turned Valance.  Bossk comments that Valance might've been a sleemo, but he was their sleemo.  (Heh.)  Before Valance can attack T'onga, Zuckuss saves her.  Bossk takes on Valance as Kligson exposits that he's turned Valance into the perfect empty vessel for the Scourge.  (I wonder if the Scourge gave up trying to convert Vader.  The editor's note references "Star Wars:  Dark Droids" #3, which came out October 11, so maybe.)  In return, Kligson expects the Scourge to turn him into a machine.  Meanwhile, Deathstick takes on Valance after Bossk and then it's Durge's turn.  

On Kirkeide Station, Losha's boss, Syphacc, tells her to register a new bounty hunter looking for work as he tries to fix the various problems that his droid bounty hunters have caused his clients.  Of course, said bounty hunter is Vulkorah, who's surrounded herself with tooka cats, including one she calls Furball Two.  (Oof, Vulkroah.  Sacks seems to change her personality with each arc, but this iteration - the carefree bounty hunter looking to make friends - feels too far removed from the brutal striver we originally met.)  

Losha is obviously pissed, and Vulkorah hands Losha her gun and invited Losha to killl her as revenge for the Furball's loss.  (Again, this part doesn't feel believable at all.  The Vulkorah we've seen hasn't sacrificed all she has just to let someone shoot her.)  But their discussion gets interrupted when possessed droids grab Syphacc, who's a hybroid.  Losha and Vulkorah manage to save him, but Losha realizes that, if the droids are after cyborgs, T'onga and the crew are in trouble.

Meanwhile, at the Haven, T'onga and the crew are definitely in trouble as they're now fighting off the Scourge-possessed droids.  Kligson bids farewell to the Haven as the droids load Valance onto a shuttle, but the Scourge informs him that he's not coming, because he's too human.  Durge then crushes his head and hilariously wipes the blood on Zuckuss' robe.  Ha!  Good riddance.

Devastated, T'onga pledges to go after Valance, though Khel is pissed, asking how many people have to die to save Valance.  T'onga tells her that they're done trying to save him:  they have to kill him.  Oof.  T'onga gets the short end of every stick.

Star Wars:  Darth Vader #39:  This issue is excellent.  Pak uses the "Star Wars:  Dark Droids" event to tease out an unexpected truth about Vader.

On Mustafar, Arex, Gee-Ninety, and Ought-Six are looking for Zed.  Arex warns Vader that Zed may've fallen to the Scourge, and "Zed" arrives and confirms the Scourge possesses him.  "Zed" then unleashes an enormous octuptarra droid on Vader, which "Zed" exposits is (conveniently) immune to Vader's staff's bolts and (somehow) the kyberite shield's blasts.  (Sure, OK.)  The Scourge then notes Vader could dismantle the octuptarra piece by piece if he had control over his powers, which he clearly doesn't.  We're then treated to the rare spectacle of Vader getting his ass handed to him.

Arex leaps to Vader's defense, attacking "Zed," who takes him down quickly.  "Zed" exposits that he can't control Arex because he used all his resources on the octuptarra, but he'll consume him and the other droids once his fleet arrives and expands his operating capabilities.  Arex goes after "Zed" again, and the Scourge scans his mind, learning the Jedi phrase, "Hate leads to suffering."  Vader emerges from his battle and corrects it to the Sith version, "Hate leads to power."  The Scourge comments that Vader is so full of hate and "so lacking in power."  OMFG, can you believe anyone spoke to Vader that way?  Like, I was nervous for the Scourge!

Figuring more hate means more power, Arex and Gee-Ninety attack Vader (Ought-Six wisely sits out that round).  Realizing Vader is just returning their fire, Arex beseeches Vader to think about who he really hates.  I was honestly kind of awed by the way Pak presented this sequence of flashback leading here:  hating himself the most, Vader ditches the staff and shield and uses his powers directly to take out the octuptarra.  

Misunderstanding, the Scourge gloats that Vader hates him (the Scourge) the most.  Arex tells the Scourge that he's nothing and the Force is everything.  After destroying "Zed's" body, Vader destroy's Arex's, committing, "No, droid.  I am everything."

But it isn't over.  Vader gets into his bacta tank and communicates with the Emperor, who comments that he finally dug enough to find himself, "the person you hate the most."  In a surprise twist, though, Vader says that he looked deeper, and the Emperor laughs, realizing Vader means him, and comments, laughing, "Ah.  Then I will see you soon."

Seriously, it's a great fucking issue, one of the series' best.  After the long nightmare of the Sabé arc, it's marvelous to experience this sort of issue that channels Vader's unstoppable determination and energy.

Transformers #1:  Y'all, this series is *not* your father's (i.e, my) Transformers, which I mean in the best possible way.  I'll also say upfront that this issue merits a second read as Johnson drops us into the story in media res.

We begin with Spike finding Sparkplug at the VFW hall, where he's been drinking since noon.  Danny the bartender provides that last bit of information to Spike, pissing off Sparkplug and making it clear that folks are worried about him.  Sparkplug is even more annoyed when he sees Spike with "Jimmy's" telescope, telling him it's best to "forget all that."  "All that" is clearly the fact that Spike's brother Jimmy was an astronaut who died when his space shuttle exploded, an image we see on the first page along with Sparkplug's war memories and Optimus Prime's lifeless body on the Ark as it plummets to earth.

Sparkplug and Spike's conversation is interrupted when Sparkplug's coworker, Davey, comes to give him a lift to work.  (I'm guessing Sparkplug has a DUI or a few.)  Still annoyed, Sparkplug tells Spike that he has to grow up, and Spike retorts, "...and be like you?"  Oof.  It's hard to see them this way.  

Carly overhears this exchange, waiting for Spike next to her kick-ass van.  As planned, they head up Hanger's Rock as night falls to use Jimmy's telescope to look at the full moon.  Carly is an artist, which we learn when she tells Spike how her dad got her the new airbrush she used to draw the fantasy scene on her van).  Underscoring the tension with Sparkplug, Spike is apparently applying to Berkeley to become an astronaut.  Carly talks about how she and her dad are working to try to make the money happen for art school and, in a lovely moment, takes Spike's hand and says that she wished it was easy for him.

Then we get underway.  An earthquake of sorts happens suddenly, and Carly and Spike fall into a sinkhole.  They crawl to the light to find themselves in one of the Ark's engines.  (One criticism I have here is that I'm not sure how this part happened.  Spike and Carly fall down a vertical shaft but the Ark crashed perpendicularly to the mountain.  So I don't know how they land horizontally if they fell vertically.)  The engine is (oddly) connected directly to the Ark's bridge, where Carlie and Spike stumble upon the non-functioning Transformers.

While looking for an exit, Carlie and Spike are surprised when Jetfire arrives.  (One of the benefits of re-reading the issue is that I caught one of the barflies telling an unbelieving Danny that he saw Jetfire, based on his description.)  Jetfire exposits that he used his remaining power to trigger the earthquake to reveal the Ark and then enters a data disc, which looks like a VHS tape, into Teletraan One.  

The disc clearly contains Earth vehicle forms, and Jetfire first resurrects his old friend Starscream, who immediately blasts Bumblebee in the face.  Jetfire is appalled, and Starscream informs him that they've been at war with the Autobots for a century.  Meanwhile, Teletraan is now randomly resurrecting Transformers, and Optimus awakens.  Meanwhile, Starscream shoots Jetfire.  Pointing to an Autobot insignia and sounding like a Nazi, Starscream says that it's the sign of "true evil" and they must be "vigilant in wiping it out."

Optimus then punches him, shouting, "Never."  He tells Starscream that he thought he was a warrior, not someone who'd shoot helpless beings (like Bumblebee).  Starscream retorts that he does whatever it takes and launches himself at Optimus.  Carly and Spike make a break for it, though Optimus sees them.  Spike introduces himself (yes, in the middle of the fight) and Optimus shields them as Starscream opens fire.  Ratchet and Skywarp, now revived, join the fray.  Starscream orders Skywarp to bring Decepticons in front of Teletraan's ray, and Optimus orders Ratchet to load the Autobot's bodies into his trailer.  Seeing his gun, Optimus goes to work.

Soundwave then awakens (all hail) and opens fire.  Prime stumbles upon Bumblebee's body and cradles it in mourning as Spike watches.  Starscream ridicules him for mourning the weakest Autobot, and Soundwave dispatches Ravage as Optimus reaches for his gun.  Spike bolts to push it toward him even though Carly, who helps, thinks he's nuts.  With the gun, Optimus shoots Ravage and engages in fisticuffs with Starscream and Skywarp as Teletraan rebuilds Thundercracker and (yes!) Reflector.  With little choice, Optimus destroys Teletraan.  Optimus then runs like he's in a, well, Michael Bay movie, cradling Carly and Spike with fire billowing behind him.  

With all the Auotbots loaded, Optimus and Ratchet transform and burn rubber with the Seekers in pursuit.  A weakened Jetfire transforms to help Optimus, engaging the Seekers in battle.  Skywarp tells Starscream that his energon's too low to fight, but Starscream correctly notes they've never been so close to ending the Autobots for good.  But he admits in a fury they can't continue.

Spike directs the Autobots to the old quarry, and a dying Jetfire apologizes that he didn't know Optimus was the new prime.  Optimus goes to use the Matrix to heal him (fascinating), but Ratchet stops him, saying Jetfire is too far gone.  Jetfire rues the fact that he spent centuries searching for a way to heal Cybertron (interesting) and asks if Cybertron has any hope.  Optimus admits he doesn't know, and a devastated Jetfire dies lamenting that "everything will die."  Oof. 

At the Ark, Soundwave tells an irate Starscream that he can't fix Teletraan without more energon and raw materials.  That said, Laserbeak found the kind of fuel they need to create energon, and Skywarp and Soundwave tell him he has to retrieve it because he has the most energon.  Soundwave begins saying, "It's what Megatron would've done," but Starscream cuts off the sentence at "Meg--," reminding them that he's the Decepticon's leader.

At an oil rig, Davey tries to intervene with Sparkplug, telling him that Spike needs him.  Sparkplug is furious, telling him that he doesn't understand.  As Sparkplug tells Davey to keep his "naive opinions to himself," Starscream attacks, complaining about how he's tired, too, and pissed he has to get the energon himself.  (It's pretty hilarious.  It's like a workplace comedy.)  Davey runs for his car, but Starscream grabs him and Sparkplug watches as he crushes him to a pulp.  We end the issue with a bloodsplattered Starscream laughing about the pathetic humans.

In other words, it's great.  Johnson's art is as kinetic as his script.  Honestly, if we only got these issues every two months to give him time to deliver this sort of performance, I would be totally fine by that.  This issue alone reinvigorates the Transformers, giving us the type of story that I haven't seen since the original.  Also, as someone who broke his Optimus Prime's leg as an elementary school student, I am so fucking right there with Johnson.  RIP Optimus.

Eight-Month-Old Comics!: The September 27 Top-Shelf Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Blade Runner 2039 #7:  F-u-c-k.  

It turns out Mack wasn't any Replicant we've previously seen Ash encounter, so Johnson shows us their encounter in a flashback here.  Ash refers to Mack as "parts," making it clear how far she's come from the Ash we first met lo those many series ago.  Continuing the flashback, Ash shoots Mack point-blank in the chest, and he falls 20 stories.  She calls her urchin squad to harvest the parts (reminding them she wants her money the next day), but Mack awakens after one of the urchins cuts off his hand.

In the present, Ash convinces Mack that Isobel changed her mind about Replicants when she was trying to keep Cleo alive while Alexander wanted Cleo dead.  Mack decides to travel with Ash while Lexi stays to watch over Cleo.  He explains that, when they first met, he was trying to get to Memphis and an alleged haven for Replicants there.  He didn't find the contact, though, and he eventually decided he needed to leave Los Angeles, and the Blade Runners, behind him.  He walked until he couldn't walk anymore, and the old woman who ran the farm took him in.  When she died, she left him the farm, even though it was dried up like everything else at that point.

The pair arrive in San Francisco, which is devastated.  Mack explains that a series of large earthquakes destroyed it and the aftershocks - which continue, as he and Ash feel one - prevented its reconstruction.  Mack warns Ash not to bring with her anything she isn't willing to leave in San Francisco, but I still don't see why San Francisco is so dangerous.  I mean, we've already survived Central Valley cannibals!  At any rate, they head straight to Isobel's family estate.  There, Ash calls for Isobel, only to watch someone shoot Mack.  That someone?  Rash, who's with Luv.  Dun-dun-DUN!

Seriously, this series was on a slow burn initially, but, holy shit, Johnson is amping up the action and tension now!

Eight-Month-Old Comics!: The September 20 Top-Shelf Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Pathfinder:  Wake the Dead #3:  This issue is fun.

The party (since they aren't really a team) is wandering the Spellscar desert searching for water but deal with the random encounters (water that becomes candy that becomes beetles!) and adversaries (a fluxwraith!  a zombie triceratops!) that the wild magic-cursed desert throws at them.  In a plot twist I didn't see coming, they find Gabsalia's body along with the other refugees' bodies.  She's been dead a week, which means the curse the Gebbians put on her that'll reanimate her as a quick has taken effect.  

Nyctessa informs the party that the only way to turn a quick into a more intelligible undead form is to take her to Geb, where more advanced magics are available.  Lem is *thrilled* with this news.

Star Wars:  Bounty Hunters #38:  Holy shit, this issue.  Sacks has us following three stories here, all as intense as the next.

First, in the past, General Grievous pays a visit to the Haven.  Kligson tries to convince Telemark to ally with the Separatists, but he silences him as he's only an organic.  Telemark dismisses Grievous' offer of an alliance, noting that Grievous enslaves his droids.  (We get some great B1 humor at this remark.)  Telling Grievous they only await Ajax's return, Telemark orders the colony to attack.

In the present, T'onga and company are growing impatient as they cool their jets in the docking bay.  Meanwhile, we learn Kligson is controlling Telemark completely as a shirtless (and sexy AF) Valance hangs behind him.

T'onga gets suspicious enough to ask Zuckuss and For-Elloem to gather intel from the station's droids, not realizing the Scourge has already seized them.  Zuckuss prevents a spider droid from taking over For-Elloem, and they fight their way to an escape pod.  (For-Elloem complains about his lack of a blaster and Zuckuss recommends he improvise, which he hilariously does by ripping the arm off a droid and using it to beat the others.)  Zuckuss puts For-Elloem in the escape pod to save him from the horde, and the droids lose interest in Zuckuss once For-Elloem departs.

In the docking bay, T'onga confesses that she's desperate to save Valance after failing to save her brother and Nakano Lash and sending away Losha to keep her safe.  Khel wonders why she's so loyal to this crew when she turned her back on Khel's crew, which is a story I'm also interested in hearing.  Khel dismisses her comment just as quickly, however, noting the crew that T'onga assembled could be great under the right leadership.  Do I think T'onga should retire with Losha and let Khel take over the crew?  Yes.  Do I think Losha is going to leave T'onga to go with Khel's crew?  Also yes.

Back in the past, the droids expel Grievous, and Telemark attacks Kligson for sending Grievous their coordinates.  A crazed Kligson mutters to himself after Telemark leaves that he *is* a droid and will "pave the way for a better future."

In that future, Valance arrives in the docking bay, and Khel realizes instantly that he isn't there.  Catak takes on Yura's face to distract Valance from attacking Khel (apparently the love of his life), and, in a shocking scene, Valance blows off Catak's head.

You guys, I know we only have four issues left in this series, and I'm not really sure we're going to get a happy ending.

Eight-Month-Old Comics!: The September 13 Top-Shelf Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

From the World of Minor Threats:  The Alternates #1:  This issue is OK.  Given the marvel that was "Minor Threats," I get it's unreasonable to expect this series to reach the same heights.  But I'll be honest that I don't really find myself caring as much about the characters here as I did the "Minor Threats" ones.  

They're certainly sympathetic characters, though.  The Continuum apparently sent the six Alternates through a portal into "the Ledge," some sort of alternate dimension, in order to close it behind them.  They then spent time in this other dimension where their powers behaved in different ways.  For example, our protagonist, Mary Marie, found that her shape-shifting powers (which she gained when a Transylvanian midwife used Van Helsing's dagger to do an emergency C-section on her mother) meant the lords of darkness and moonlight revered her as a queen.  Understandably, she misses the connection to these creatures she experienced.  Crab Louie does as well, as he was the "Kin Crustacea" in the Ledge, connected to "all arthropods by an 'etheric neural web.'"

We're introduced to the team as they sit in group therapy and try to pull their lives together in the "real" world.  Mary Marie quits the sessions, saying she's succeeded in getting her life on track, though we know she's lying.  But it doesn't matter as the Silencer (the female Superman on the Continuum) visits Mary Marie and Tripper (the Alternates' leader) to warn them the Continuum has detected traces of the Ledge in Twilight City.  Mary Marie is furious when the Silencer implies the Alternates somehow brought the Ledge with them, even though she yearns to return there.  When the Divider (one of the Alternates) contacts her, she and Tripper go to his apartment and find him dead.  Sure enough, they also find a portion of the Ledge in a vial.

It's a solid premise that should grab me, but it doesn't, at least not yet.  I'll hang in there for the next few issues, though, since I have hope for this crew.

Coda #1:  Holy shit, this issue is *dense.*  In fact, it's *so* dense that I'm honestly considering not getting the second issue because I'm not sure I can have another "The Last God" in my life.

The issue's framing structure involves the unnamed protagonist (later dubbed "Hum") writing to his wife, Serka.  This letter reveals quickly that this world suffered an apocalypse called the Quench.  A former bard, Hum struggles to reconcile the magical world he knew before the Quench with the grim reality of the present day.  His musings come as he scrapes goo off the inside of a dragon skeleton.  The thing is, the skeleton is still alive:  all the dragons lost their magic in the Quench, but they're immortal so they remain tethered to their skeletons.  (Oof.)  The dragon hilariously exhorts Hum to kill the rats scurrying inside him lest he immolate him, but Hum knows it's an empty (heh) threat.

After extracting something from the dragon, Hum moves on his way.  But a bandit stops him and reveals that he hides shiny things in the skeleton to attract marks.  But he's surprised when Hum's"pentacorn" (i.e., a demonic unicorn) bites him in two.  The dragon begs Hum to give him the powerful ring he senses Hum has on his person, but Hum merely mounts his pentacorn and leaves.  Another group of bandits chases Hum and his pentacorn, injecting "akker" into their horses to turn them into monsters (like the pentacorn).  One bandit speeds toward Hum only for him to knock the man off his horse and the pentacorn to bite off the horse's head.

Hum arrives at Ridgetown, which is a fortified city with an enormous cannon atop a tower looming over it.  Hum gives us more back story as he arrives in town, expositing that the "latest in a long line of unpronounceable dark lords" finally won, raining down fire from the sky and killing the "ylves."  Since that point, magic hasn't existed.  Hum submits to the guards searching him at the gate but smuggles in his ring in his fake leg.

At a tavern, a young urchin sees Hum writing and asks why he's doing so.  She informs him that someone took his pentacorn and asks him for a drop of "green" (i.e., the akker) to tell him where it is.  She also demands to know why he's writing his wife, and he responds that the Urken took her.  The girl feels badly for him as a result and tells him that no one took his pentacorn, the guards just moved him for the parade.  The girl goes with Hum to watch said parade, which entails beasts pulling three large cannonballs  The girl exposits that the cannonballs are for the "doomlauncher," and the mayor, Satlark, parades them through the streets when it's time to take them to the "distillery" to get charged.  Hum notices a guy running toward the cannonballs and throws the girl to the ground before the guy and several other people attack the cannonballs, which explode.  The guards are frantic, but Hum manages to trip a surviving assailant by throwing his fake leg at him.  The assailant uses a nearby knife to kill himself before the guards can interrogate him.

In an audience with Satlark, Hum turns over a badge the bandit from earlier was using to shake down his marks, revealing it's a Ridgetown badge.  The mayor notices Hum's ring, evaluating it at a "vial or two" and guessing he hid it in his leg.  She exposits that she was a grandee of "let us say - a merchant's guild" (sus).  When Hum declines to give his name, just uttering his usual, "Hm," Satlark calls him "Hum."  

Satlark informs Hum that she wants him to become one of her Paladins of Peaceguard (who wear the badge he found).  Hum laughs, saying champions, dignity, guilds, and paladins were ridiculous before the Quench but even more so now.  Satlark notes that Hum saved a child, despite his seeming aversion to hope.  He says that he finds the underdogs most deserve the bone, and Satlark informs him Ridgetown is the underdog.  He dismisses this comment, though she brings him to the top of the tower to show him their enemy.  She has Hum look through a telescope, and Bergara and Doig do a great job here as you see a looming figure whose head and torso extend above the clouds.  Satlark confirms it's Thudergog, the last Giant.  He apparently responds to orders from a bandit clan, and the Doomlauncher is the only defense against them.  She tells Hum that, unexpectedly, they have more magic than iron, so while they forge more iron they need help keeping Ridgetown safe.  

Later, a paladin escorts Hum on a quest, explaining that he needs to complete it to become a Paladin.  He's surprised Satlark told Hum about the Trove, "a mighty horde of the sorcerous distillate - aqua anima (i.e., akker)."  But only a Paladin can access the vault where it's stored.  (Aha.). The Paladin reveals the quest (a word Hum doesn't let him use) is to follow a group of bandits comprised of the aforementioned Urken, a giant-like race who are "survivors of the Dark Lord's foulest armies."  The Paladin takes some akker, but the Urken defeats him easily.  Hum searches the Paladin's body for akker, saying that he'll use it to distract the Urken and kill him.  The Paladin asks how he knows so much about the Urken and, pausing, Hum reveals that a "savage clan" has his wife.  The Paladin stays with the pentacorn as Hum approaches the Urken.  He speaks the Urken's language, and it's clear that he isn't really an enemy of the Urken, which makes it curious why they're holding his wife.  Hum recognizes the Urken's brand means that he isn't a bandit but part of a caravan and asks him to bring him to his leader, who he knows.

At the camp, we're introduced to said leader, Murkrone (a.k.a. "Murk"), a mermaid-like creature who swims in wine.  Murk once told Hum that she could create something to help him save his wife, and Hum reveals his collections to her (including the scab off the dragon that we saw him collect earlier as well as the Paladin's sword and akker).  Murk confirms that he still doesn't have enough akker to do what he wants.  But we also learn why she's good at business:  she guesses that Hum wants to know how much akker he has to steal from Ridgetown to make the item.

Hum departs with a box of iron after shopping Murk's shop (at mate's rates) and tells the Paladin that he killed the Urken and scared the rest into giving him the iron as a tithe.  Ridgetown greets Hum as a hero and initiates him into the Paladins.  That night, he spikes the Paladins' drinks so he can make his way into the Trove, where he discovers the source of the akker:  the last surviving elf, chained to a wall, whose flesh they take to distill akker.  Dun-dun-DUN!

All in all, it's a solid issue, but, man, it is *not* easy to follow.  I had to read it three or four times just to pull together this summary.  I guess I'll give the second issue another go, but, if each issue is this complicated, I'm probably done.

Star Wars:  Darth Vader #38:  In theory, this issue is about Vader holding off the Scourge-controlled droids long enough for his own droid squad to reestablish the Executor's fail-safe mechanism, returning control of the ship to Admiral Piett.  But it's really about the Empire's brutality.  

Mas Amedda sends several Star Destroyers to destroy the Executor, but Admiral Corleque sends a rescue crew instead, revealing that Piett once saved his life during the Battle of Comantira.  Piett sends men to the hull to use the old flag code to warn Corleque's men to beware the droids, but they don't listen and the rescue squad includes droids who the Scourge absorbs once they arrive on the Executor.  The Scourge then send droids to Coleque's ship, taking it over quickly.  Piett gives Corleque time to escape, but he's eventually forced to destroy the ship with all onboard.  It's poignant in that you know Piett isn't just a monster; he really tried to save Corleque but also understood the threat was too great in allowing the Scourge more time.

Meanwhile, Vader flees to Mustafar, not realizing the Scourge now controls Zed, who introducing it to the "Techno Union droid factory of Mustafar."  Ruh-roh.

Undiscovered Country #25:  Snyder and Soule make it pretty clear that we're coming to the end.

First things first, the team finds itself in Zone Bounty, where giant-sized humans  produce 80 percent of America's crops.  They believe Aurora sent the team to Zone Bounty to help with the pestilence afflicting the crops.  They apparently communicate directly with Aurora via a train in which they send the crops once a year.  The train is leaving in two days, giving the team the opportunity to speak directly with Aurora.

Second, though, Chang's communication with the PAPZ leader reveals that the team has only been in America for three days and *somehow* their presence resulted in the AEA and PAPZ getting the cure for Sky, saving the world.  Before Chang can get more information, enormous locusts attack him and interrupt his call.  The now-robotic Buzz and the giants save Chang and the rest of the team, though Chang doubles back later to get his phone.  Lottie is onto him, as she revealed earlier in the issue.  She knocks Chang unconscious and grabs the phone, which is when the leader confirms the oustide world somehow has the cure for Sky.

It seems we're just left with two questions:  how and why?  Lottie notes to Chang in their first conversation that every zone has taught them not to invade America, almost like Aurora is asking for help in defending America from an invasion.  Given what we saw of the future in Zone History, it seems possible AEA and PAPZ have already invaded, which is how they secured Sky.  We'll see, I guess.

Meanwhile, Snyder and Soule use Valentina and Ace reconnecting as a chance to discuss Aurora's other message, namely the fact that everything changes and you can only make the best decision in the moment you occupy.  Snyder and Soule note they started the series in 2019, which seems a long time ago.  You can tell the pandemic is really influencing the series' philosophy, a good reminder to engage more directly with life than we usually do as humans.

Nine-Month-Old Comics!: The September 6 Top-Shelf Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Damn, it's a dark week, comic-wise.  Get ready.

Kill Your Darlings #1:  Whoa, this series isn't kidding.  When burning a witch at the stake is an issue's least creepy event, you know you've got a road ahead.

 

The issue begins with the aforementioned burning, which happens in 1692.  The alleged witch in question begs her father to save her, to which he simply responds, "It must be done."  

We then immediately move to 1995 and the imaginary land of our protagonist, Rose.  She's a warrior princess surrounded by her loyal subjects (i.e., her stuffed animals) and wielding the mighty sword, Francine.  Her favorite stuffed animal is Wallace, an elephant dressed in safari gear and who speaks in an Australian accent.  

Deciding General Slithers' army is too strong, she calls time and seeks help from her mother.  The bright colors of Rose's imaginary land (dubbed Rosewood) fade to the sepia tones of reality as we overhear her mother trying to renegotiate a bill.  Rose's mother seems a doting one, regretting that she can't play with Rose as she has to call more people to whom she owes money.  In an attempt to lighten the mood, she suggests pancakes for dinner.  Rose grabs some aluminum foil and creates the Silver Flame of Kichendror, which prophecy says is important.  She tasks some of her best stuffed animals...er, troops...to guard it.

After winning the war, Rose invites her enemies from the Isle of Monsters to a party, though Wallace reminds her she should focus on some disappearances in the North.  Disturbingly, Rose tells Wallace she doesn't remember them, though their conversation is interrupted her mom knocks on the door to tell her to go to bed.  Rose wants to leave on her lava lamp, but Rose's mom tells her that she can only keep it going five minutes because it's a fire hazard.

The next day, Rose's friend Elliott shares some Beat-em-Beasts cards he found at the mall.  She updates him on Rosewood signing the peace treaty.  Her friend asks why she never plays in his world, to which she replies it doesn't make sense.  He agrees.  She mentions Wallace's comment about the disappearances, and Elliott says he has to help his dad with his mother, who's apparently sick.  Elliott goes home but, before departing, tells Rose to tell her mom that she needs cards so they can battle.  

At home, Rose looks for her mom, finding her apron from work and some still smoldering cigarettes.  Her mom tells her she's too tired to play, so Rose goes to her room.  Shit gets weird here.  Rose appears to lose control of her body as she smashes the crayon she used to draw the party she held for the monsters.  The drawing now depicts all her subjects dead, and, in the imaginary world, Rose sees the blood and a crumbling castle.  In the real world, someone has torn her stuffed animals limb from limb.

Rose makes her way into the basement where a voice speaks to her,  It's in a creepy black and yellow word bubble, telling her that a "great and terrible evil swept through this land" and that it "took pleasure in the deaths of your friends."  Terrifyingly, its large hands emerge from the cave where Rose confronts it in her imaginary land, confirming the voice belongs to the great and terrible evil.  Before we can see it fully, Rose bolts, only to find her castle in flames.  

Suddenly, in reality, Elliott is shaking Rose as she stands outside in the rain.  His dad asks if she's OK but, then, disturbingly, utters, "Did you...what did you do?"  Someone mentions she heard screaming, and Rose turns to the burning house, asking where her mom is.

The authors do a great job of making it really unclear what the truth - if there is one - is.  For example, they provide a number of options on how the fire started, from Rose's lava lamp to her mom's cigarettes to a crazed (or possessed) Rose setting it.  It's also connected to the fire that burned the "witch," making her a possible Rose descendant.  I'm not sure how all these threads are going to come together, but the authors clearly are, which is exciting.

The Sacrificers #2:  In typical Remender fashion, this issue goes in a different direction than you expect.

The sacrificers' chain gang arrives in a village filled with shark-like humanoids, who are ecstatic to see them.  A priest opens a temple doors to reveal "Noom and her holy wardens."  Noom walks down a green carpet as the citizens bless her and the harvest, calling her the "Luminous One" and "Messiah of Hope."  As you can imagine, Pigeon looks on these festivities with confusion.  The gang's foreman asks if Noom gives herself freely, and she offers her wrists to him.

The gang then trudges through a variety of environments; at one point, a farmer takes his daughter's hand and runs when she asks who they are.  At camp that night, one of the sacrificers ask what they're sacrificing, prompting the exchange of several gruesome hypotheses:  "they'll" feed them to an Aquatica's gargantuan in the Gloom Sea, they'll fight each other in the Luna arena, "they'll" bleed them out slowly in a "macabre ritual.   A blond, feral human child says they're all fools:  they're going to march them over the Veil Cliffs and throw them into a volcano to "burn in Rokos' light," which seems plausible based on last issue.

Noom tells them to be silent so everyone can eat in peace, and Pigeon reveals a scrap of bread that he has left.  Noom pities that he has so little food, and Pigeon sheepishly says his sister gave it to him.  A ginger, feral human child threatens to beat Pigeon for it, and Noom tells Red to eat her own food.  Red says she was raised in a cage, watching five other children starve to death in front of her.  Blond says he was tossed into a pit on his third birthday to eat rats and moss.  

Appalled, Noom reveals a horde of food that her people sent with her, and the children launch themselves at it.  Noom is stunned, noting that they are connected to the "destiny of life" itself and their chains simply represent their devotion to God.  According to her, the "sacrifice" is they'll never again see their families.  No one will kill them:  they're going to run the mortal Senate for the gods.  The feral children laugh at her, and Red says each family sacrifices a child to underscore the gods are boss.  (Again, after seeing them last issue, I'll buy that.)  She attacks Noom, but Pigeon stops her, saying they're all scared because they don't know their fate.

On the harrowing climb the next day, Noom insists to Pigeon that it's a test of their devotion, though she's shaken when they put hoods over their heads.  Later, a voice tells them to let go of who they were as the hoods are removed and a paradise-like room awaits them, prompting Noom to tell them she was right.  It's Remender, though, so she clearly isn't.

Star Wars:  Dark Droids #2:  Soule moves us into the logical next phase as the Scourge decides that he needs to take over the “meat” now that he’s succeeded in taking over the “metal.”  

Through the Scourge's narration, we learn he came close to taking over the meat the last time he was conscious, but a group of Sith (interesting not just *two* Sith, hinting at his age) stopped him and imprisoned him in the Fermata Cage.  He makes it clear that a hunger drives him, one he knows the metal alone can’t sate on its own.  His goal is take over all the metal and meat so that, at that point, he won’t need to feed any longer.  (I’ll note here that we don’t know who programmed the Scourge, though you may know if you read “Star Wars:  Doctor Aphra.”) 

The Scourge is aware of someone named Fyzen Gor and his efforts to create cyborgs, but he can’t find enough information about him.  As such, he decides to pursue the Force to accomplish his plans, since it’s what stopped him last time.  He takes over Threepio and spaces Artoo and then uses Threepio to interrogate Luke about the Force.  Luke says he believes the Force flows through droids as living things though he isn’t aware of a droid ever using the Force.  The Scourge asks if he feels the Force through his artificial hand, calling him a cyborg.  Luke answers that he doesn’t really feel the Force localized in that way and takes umbrage at the idea that he’s a cyborg, telling "Threepio" that he isn’t like Darth Vader.  Now aware of Vader, the Scourge sets his sight on Vader, the perfect combination of metal with Force-wielding meat.  Ruh-roh.

Meanwhile, Ajax dispatches Gertee to destroy the Star Destroyer where the Scourge resides, hoping to end its threat before the meat discover the Second Revelation’s existence.  The Scourge also hopes to act before the meat can end him, an interesting unifying concept for them:  avoid the destructive meat at all cost.

Nine-Month-Old Comics!: The August 30 Top-Shelf Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

The Hunger and the Dusk #2:  Willow is forced into exposition once again here, but she handles it beautifully as it emerges from dialogue that feels natural.  The issue is essentially about two couples of strangers getting to know each other.

In the Fading Hills to the North, Callum introduces Tara to some of the Last Men Standing, namely Sev the bard, Nera the warrior, Mikil the rogue, Conwy the archer, and Loris the lover.  (Theran, Jov, Sal, Brudo, and Vikandim are clearly the red shirts.). As they march, Sev confides to Callum that all the songs he knows involves orcs doing terrible things (which won't work with Tara on the team), a sign of how deep the distrust between humans and orcs run.

Meanwhile, Troth and Faran are on their wedding hunt.  Troth acknowledges he isn't the groom he should be, as they're only marrying to unify the Stoneback and Icemane dynasties.  Faran is understanding, confirming that everyone knows that Troth wanted to marry Tara.  In their tent that night, Faran notes that all their futures rely on new alliances:  between dynasties, between races.  

Faran then hears wolves, so they get moving.  (She complains that they should've followed the wedding hunt of her lowland people, where they could be in the South, "where it's already warm, feasting on giant turtle flesh."  Troth takes out a wolf, but its mate is ready to pounce on him when Faran saves him.  She worries she did something wrong in saving him until he embraces her.  At their wedding at the Silent Shore, the priest invokes the twins the orcs often mention, Ugrim and Uma, who apparently wed each other.

On the West Coast, the Last Men stumble upon Vangols on the beach, and Callum develops a plan.  Tara is shocked he's contemplating attacking them, since an orc overlord wouldn't even imagine trying with less than half a "dynasty" of warriors.   As they return to camp, Tara mentions she should write down these moments, which prompts Callum to tell her he can't read.  

Willow uses this revelation to tease out their respective histories.  Callum tells Tara that a raider from the Barren Lands raped his mother when they attacked her farm and comments that a "bastard born of a war crime" wasn't worth teaching.  He  observes that his last name, Battlechild, is what kids like him - at least, the ones not left for wolves - are named.  Tara confides that she knows what it's like not to be wanted, which surprises Callum since she's the daughter of a powerful orc dynasty.  It turns out Tara's mother was an overlord, but she (Tara's mother) and Tara's father were killed during the first Vangol raid.  The people blamed them - and thus Tara - for not protecting them.  It meant Troth couldn't marry her, since alliances are so important right now.

At this point, the shit hits the fan.  The Vangols are somehow now coming from the East.  Callum leaves Loris to protect Tara and helps the team holds off the Vangols, but Tara calls for help.  Callum and the Last Men arrive to learn the Vangols killed Loris.  It's clear the Last Men are going to believe Tara killed her or at least question why she wasn't able to use her powers to save her, so, oof.

Star Wars #38:  This issue unfolds mostly as you'd expect.  For someone who believes in luck, Lando gets a mixed hand.  He and Lobot arrive at Jabba's Palace just after the Scourge has taken over almost all the droids, significantly increasingly the difficulty of the mission.  Thankfully, the Talky has evaded the Scourge's efforts to assimilate him (which it desperately wants to do given his 1,000 year knowledge) and agrees to cure Lobot if Lando frees him.  But that  mixed hand is evident given Lando has this conversation with the Talky in the rancor pit, where he's hiding.  The rancor looks hungry, too...

Also Read:  IDW Endless Summer: Dungeons & Dragons – Saturday Morning Adventures #1