Seven-Month-Old Comics!: The May 15 Top-Shelf Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

G.I. Joe:  A Real American Hero #306:  This issue is basically just walking us through the various evil-doer plots and counter-plots.

Zartan manages to trick Serpentor Khan's heat seeking missile into destroying his Swamp Speeder without him on it and knows enough about how the world works to know that the M.A.R.S emblem on the missile's shrapnel means Destro is definitely not the person trying to kill him.  

On Cobra Island, Khan is frustrated by the lack of a confirmed hit on Zartan but delights over the enhanced cyborgs Revanche is producing.  

At Destro's castle, one of his aides approaches him and whispers that Zartan (who's speaking to Destro at that moment) is a simulacrum.  At that moment, "Zartan" is trying to convince Destro to join forced to take on Cobra Commander in Springfield.  The Baroness goes to kill "Zartan," but Destro stops her.  Correctly deducing Serpentor Khan is behind the ruse, Destro decides to use "Zartan" to feed misinformation to Serpentor.  

In Springfield, Cobra guards open fire on Dawn's parents's car after a patrolman stops them from leaving town.  (They shoot because Dawn's mother tells the patrolman she's going for their papers in the glove compartment, and the patrolman — probably correctly — surmises she's going for a gun.)

At Revanche HQ in Jersey, a Blue Ninja confirms to Alpha-001 that they found Serpentor's extra chip on ones of the cyborgs.  They then reprogrammed the latest shipment of chips to add a Revanche override to Serpent's chip.

A group of Joes (Wet-Suit, Helix, Multo, and Muskrat) quietly arrive on Cobra Island.

Finally, in the Bayou, Zartan informs the Dreadnoks someone tried to kill him, and Ripper suggests they set up an alliance with Destro.

Napalm Lullaby #3:  I'm trying to like this one, but Remender isn't making it easy.

Glokor's Citadel of Heaven is basically an upscale mall, where everyone there mindlessly pursues conformism and vanity.  Sarah dubs it "moral fascism," as they willingly refuse to consider any viewpoints other than their own and, as such, are all complicit in "our decline...so long as it keeps them comfortable."  As an empath, Sam is overwhelmed by this extreme level of egotism and begins to lose control over his ability not to set things on fire.

An angel exposits the basic framework on how Heaven works:  you climb the pyramid's 30 levels to cleanse your soul of the "filth of Kestuul," who "used science to control us" and gave us "hedonism, lust, depravity, barbarism, abortion, homosexuality, greed, pollution, and war."  The Leader later informs the pilgrims that they have to recruit 100 souls for baptism for their "ultimate salvation."

An angel sniffs out a "sindicator," but it isn't Sam, it's a would-be terrorist planning on detonating himself.  (How did he get into the Citadel?)  But the guards manage to cover him in some sort of plasma that restrains the blast, igniting only the would-be bomber.  

Another angel eventually identifies Sam, Sarah, and their father, who tries to get them to leave.  Sarah resists and starts to say something about making it all this way.  She doesn't get to finish that thought because the Janitor incinerates her father, whom she calls Xander.  Also, the Janitor may be their mother.

It's hard to tell here how exactly Glokor's religion works.  If I'm guessing correctly, the Citadel began with a certain number of rich people living there.  They now form the Citadel's elites, and the pilgrims have to bring in the people for their Ponzi scheme to work.

At any rate, I'm not really buying any of it, so I'm getting off this train here.

Redcoat #2:  This series is definitely the Ghost Machine launch that I could see myself abandoning soon.  I mentioned last issue that Simon isn't particularly likable, but after this issue I have to admit that he isn't particularly interesting, either.

The melee that began last issue continues here, as Simon and Einstein fight off the cultists.  One of them manages to hit Simon with an axe etched with symbols, though Simon shrugs off the attack.  As he narrates the battle, Simon tells us that it's the first time he's engaged with the cultists since he became immortal in 1776 and that he's only aware of one other immortal besides himself.  He assesses this group of cultists as young and not ageless making him wonder what they want with him.  But, given it's Simon, he doesn't wonder too much and bolts, leaving Einstein to follow.

As they walk through Boston Simon tries to lose Einstein, though suddenly a blue flare of energy emits from his wound, knocking them both off their feet.  Einstein tells him that he won't heal from this wound as easily as he usually does, saying that he and everyone else in the United States are in danger.

On a train to New York, Einstein explains how his sister, Maja, had visions of "glowing men and metal soldiers and an immortal mercenary in a red coat."  Maja predicts a ritual gone wrong will leave America "burning from coast to coast."  These visions came while Einstein was in a phase where he was actively trying to prove "spiritualists, magicians, and fortune tellers" wrong given his newfound belief in science.  However, Maja correctly predicts a fire in their father's workshop and other visions come to pass.  After their parents don't believe her, Maja sends Einstein to find Simon.

Simon isn't really buying what Einstein is selling but agrees to travel with him to find the one person he knows who might be able to answer the questions Einstein raises.  The wound lets off energy again on a train, and Einstein says that he thinks Simon's condition will get worse because the cultists knew that only Simon can stop them.  They arrive in New York and head to the mansion of the founder of the "so-called Society of Patriarchs" as he's throwing a lavish Gilded Age party.  The founder is Simon's fellow immortal, Benedict Arnold.  

Although they're rivals, Benedict also seems to take care of Simon, for reasons Johns doesn't explain.  Benedict sends Simon and Einstein into his study so he can finish dancing with J.P. Morgan's daughter (smart, Benny) and enters just as Simon suffers another burst of energy from the wound.  As he does, Simon has a vision of fire spreading from sea to sea as Maja did.  Benedict recognizes the axe as the Axe of Lies and informs Simon that he'll be dead (for realsies) in three days.

The Weatherman, Vol. 3 #5:  [Breathes.]

I don't know what to say here.  Every issue of this series manages to top the previous one.  I opened this issue with trepidation, scared of the things LeHeup planned for characters I love.  I was correct.  It was brutal.

We begin with Burga's staff figuring out a way get around Zane jamming their transmission so she can get out a message to the Martian people that the Sword of God has acquired a second sample of the biophagus and, unless a "small tactical force of elite Arcadian operatives" stop it, Mars will go the way of Earth and Venus.  As Burga tells everyone to go to their loved ones and make their peace, Cross, the Marshal, and White Light arrive at the facility, with a furious looking Ian and Jenner looking down at them from the top of the wall.

Cross blows open the gates and sends White Light to disable the hypergate and the Marshal to destroy the power source.  When the Marshal asks where she's going, she says simply, "Don't wait for me," and the three of them silently go their separate ways.

White Light encounters Molly, and their battle is brutal.  Molly uses a grenade to throw White Light into a set of pipes, but White Light uses her electric knife to set the chemicals leaking from the pipe on fire, thus setting Molly on fire.  At this point, we learn Molly is mostly metal as her still-burning self emerges from the fire like Arnold in "Terminator."

Cross arrives in one of Alice's labs but hears an explosion outside the doors.  She sees the Marshal with his back unknowingly to the fire (which I think is from the blast that White Light caused) and shouts a warning to him just as a huge tank explodes.  The Marshal manages to jump to safety, but the floor collapses under him.  He finds himself on the floor below that one, face-to-face with the power source...and Jenner.  Cross scrambles to get to the Marshal, but Ian appears and slams her into the ground.  Notably, Cross calls him Nathan, not Ian.

Molly is on a full tear after White Light, opening fire on her.  White Light uses a steel plate to deflect the bullets only for Molly to use her chainsaw arm to cut the plate in half.  Spewing a flame thrower, Molly corners White Light, who manages to hurdle over Molly and collapse a door frame on her, buying White Light a few minutes.

Jenner calls the Marshal by his name —Komatsu Michio — and asks if he's there to bring him to justice.  The Marshal says justice has nothing to do with it, and Jenner simply says, "Of course.  Revenge.  Are they not one and the same?"  The Marshal then tells him he's always talked too much and attacks with his katana.

Upstairs, Amanda tells Ian that she doesn't want to hurt him, and he wordlessly pummels her.  After grabbing her electric knife, he kicks her off the platform onto a lower one and leaps in the air, knife above his head, missing Cross only when she manages to roll to her side.  She then tells him that she definitely wants to hurt him now.

Molly hunts White Light, telling her women should support other women in the workplace (ha!) as she arrives at a magnetron (or some other large device with magnets).  Seeing White Light in the control room, Molly tries to bolt, but White Light activates the device, ripping all the metal off her body.  Appalled by Molly's remains of a body, White Light puts her hand to her mouth, only for Molly to sign, "Thank you," before dying.  Oof.

At the power source, Jenner tells the Marshal that family made him soft.  He tells him that he was a credit to the ORCA program and asks if he knew why they ended the program.  The Marshal manages to shoot out part of the ceiling above Jenner, seemingly killing him.  But Jenner emerges covered in the biophagus, stating, "I happened."  

Jenner reveals the "the suits found a way to splice [his] DNA with the healing properties of the virus" to "build a better murderer."  Jenner then rips off the Marshal's cybernetic arms and —pasted over a flashback of him killing everyone in the lab that made him what he is — impales the Marshal with his cyberblade arm.  He then hands the Marshal the locket from last issue as the facility's PA announces, "Maximum energy output exceeded."  The Marshal looks at the pictures in the locket and, in a flashback, sees a beautiful woman at the beach with her boy playing with a bucket in the surf behind her.  He then dies.

You guys.  Not the Marshal.  I can't.

Seven-Month-Old Comics!: The May 8 Top-Shelf Edition - Part Two (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

The One Hand #5:  We really go off the rails here, in the best possible way.

We pick up right where we left off last issue, with Ari talking to the One Hand killer through the wall.  He asks what the writing on the wall represents, and the killer says that it's a language.  Ari asks what it says, and the killer says that's what he's been doing — trying to find meaning.  Ari asks why he's been killing all these years, and the killer is adamant that he didn't kill his victims.  Ari asks if they're all cogs, and the killer again says he isn't a killer.  Ari asks what he is, and the killer responds that he's an archeologist, which is creepy as fuck.

In what seems like a parallel dimension on the other side of the wall — a cave of some sort — a woman addresses the killer as "Johannes" and says they have to go before Ari shoots through the wall.  Ari runs next door only to find a storage closet.  Mac then calls Ari to tell him that the lieutenant is coming with a response team and a warrant and Ari needs to run.  Mac tells Ari that he'll find him the usual way, and Ari bolts.

Ari then meets Helene for lunch, at her invitation.  (She got word to the precinct, and Mac passed on the message to him.)  Helene asks if Ari was looking for someone named Nemone and confesses she hasn't stopped thinking about her since the day he visited.  Even though she's never met anyone by that name, she tells Ari that she has the feeling of being haunted "by a memory that isn't real."  She then recounts a legend related to the Greek Titan Mnemosyne, the goddess of memory, from which the name Nemone derives.  Mnemosyne would give her priests the ability to see other people's memories, and Helene asks Ari if he believes memory can exist beyond our own lifetimes.

Helene tells Ari that Nemone would be happy to know that Ari didn't stop looking for her.  Ari then carefully asks Helene if she knows what she is, and Helene stands up, kisses Ari and then holds his chin as she says, "Ari..."  She then leaves, asking behind her, "Do you know what you are?"

At a safe house (or, more accurately, a safe apartment), someone (I think Juice from issue #2) gets Ari a clean gun as Mac arrives.  Mac tells Ari that he thought he'd finally gone around the bend when he asked whether the victim was a cog, but the coroner called him to the microscope because he found the killer's symbols in the blood or tissue sample he was examining.  Suddenly, the coroner's entire system then burst into flames.  Mac remembers that, when they were looking at the security footage at the hospital looking for Odell's murderer, it suddenly went glitchy, too.  Realizing someone is protecting the killer, Mac has the IT boys put together a path of camera outages, which leads to an apartment building.  Mac tells Ari that he's giving him a head start, but he's going to the lieutenant with it.

At the apartment building, Ari finds the woman from the art show, who tells Ari that she knows he's looking for the man with six fingers, whom she calls Johannes Vale.  The woman is nuts, but she tells Ari that Johannes' father went missing when he was young and he "still sees him every now and then."  We learn her name is Ada, and she tells Ari that Johannes went lookin for someone named Helene.  Ada tells Ari that he's "talking to someone now, detective...a voice only he can hear.  It sends him places...opens doors that don't exist."  

This story concludes next issue, which seems crazy.  I guess at this point, though, our only real question is whether we're dealing with someone or something supernatural, as Johannes seemed to create the pocket dimension behind the wall that Ari couldn't find.  I guess we'll see.

The Sacrificers #8:  Remender delivers another brutal issue that makes you want Pigeon just to raze this place to the ground.

It begins with a tired old man taking Pigeon on his wagon to the South End Trading Post, from where Pigeon'll head home.  The world is clearly collapsing around them, and Pigeon fights his anger over the way his family treated him as he makes his way from the Trading Post to his village.  There, he finds it completely destroyed, and we're reminded that he's really only there for Beatrice.  But he finds her destroyed doll in the wreckage, and you can see something break in him.

Later, Pigeon arrives in Noom's devastated village, and the townspeople come close to killing him, blaming him for their lot.  A guy who looks like the king appears, but he informs Pigeon that the king left for higher ground before the storm hit.  Pigeon loses consciousness, and later he's seated at a banquet table with the Fake King who serves him...chicken.  Asshole.  (Pigeon sticks to the vegetables.)  

The Fake King asks Pigeon about Paradise, and Pigeon tells him it was "hell, a factory of death."  The Fake King rages at him as a blasphemer, telling him that he can't believe a Sacrificer who abandoned his responsibility.  He accuses Pigeon of inventing the story to justify his failure; when Piegon mentions Noom, he blames her as well.  The Fake King mentions Piegon's people were destroyed, commenting, wickedly, "I would imagine your family amongst them."

The Fake King sees a glint of guilt in Pigeon's eyes at that comment and convinces him to sacrifice himself.  Clad in ceremonial gear, Fake King prepares to cut off Pigeon's head, but Pigeon grabs the axe before he can.  Furious, Pigeon tells the Fake King that Noom did sacrifice herself.  He says he'd understand if only his village perished, but the fact that Noom's village also perished makes no sense.  Stalking the Fake King, Pigeon tells him that he's tired of assholes like him telling him what his responsibility is when the collective never did anything for him.  In fact, this guy is only focused on making things better for himself.

Repeating something he said earlier, the Fake King tells Piegon that it isn't his job to question the gods but to serve them.  Pigeon then cuts off his head, telling his corpse, "Then that's what I'll do."  Team Pigeon, y'all.

Star Wars:  Darth Vader #46:  Ugh, I don't know if I care enough to put in the effort necessary to understand the nuance of Pak's story here.  I mean, once you involve the Sith Eternal, you've pretty much lost me.

Anyway, we start with the sequel to the Darth Vader story in "Free Comic Book Day 2024:  Star Wars" #1 as Warba joins Sabé in her search for Luke Skywalker.  Warba claims that she wants to see Luke before Sabé and Vader do whatever they're planning on doing to him, but we know Warba is also serving Vader so who knows.

Meanwhile, Sly Moore sends Corleque to deliver a shipment to the Sith Eternal on Exegol, since they'll scan his mind and see that he hates Vader.  The teams passes through the Red Honeycomb Zone in a Kyberite-plated shuttle, which more or less protects them from the Summa-Verminoth.  (Pryde does see his death on Exegol.)

On Exegol, "Vader" engages the Sith Eternal and loses, which draws the other Sith Eternal to see his defeat.  However, it turns out the cargo that Corleque delivered has the real Vader and battle droids, who launch another attack.  We learn that Vader is there for the Kyber Temple, which he destroys for the kyber.  The attack somehow frees the M.A.R. Corps, but, before we can process that, the apparent leader of the Sith Eternal (or at least this contingent of them) hits a button that fires a beam from...somewhere?

The beam appears to come from the sky onto a large black monolith, particularly since Pryde gloats that Vader somehow deflected it from hitting them.  (They're all standing next to the monolith.)  But then Vader says they weren't aiming for them, and the beam seems instead to have come from the monolith to the sky, where it hits the Summa-Verminoth.  Why the Sith Eternal decided to do that now is beyond me, but I guess Pak'll tell us at some point.

Transformers #8:  I know it's ridiculous to say about a series revolving around sentient robots, but this issue is an emotional tour de force.

With Arcee along, Carly takes Spike to a lake at sunset, hoping some fresh air clears his head.  Spike admits that he doesn't feel anything, because the world has changed so much.  Carly shows the anger that we saw last issue, telling Spike that they now have "big metal warriors" to help them get revenge on the "ones who killed our dads!"  But Spike notes his father just disappeared, like his brother.

Cliffjumper arrives with some "colas" because he's learned that it's "the thing to do near bodies of water."  (Fair, Cliff.)  He offers one to Carly, who doesn't respond.  Spike encourages her to speak to Cliff, reminding her that he saved her from "Lazerbeam."  Carly tells Cliff that she isn't "not" talking to him but she's furious that he had the chance to stop Starscream after he murdered his friend (Cliff brokenly mutters, "Bumblebee," at this point) but didn't take it.  As such, she feels like she can't trust him.  Cliff sits with his head between his legs, in the most dejected (and human) way a robot can look, and Spike wordlessly put his hand on Cliff's arm.

On Cybertron, Elita is motoring with the body she's carrying.  The robot speaks, telling her that he's endured 150 years of torture, day and night, and begs Elita to kill him.  Elita tells him that she's sorry it took her so long to find him but, yes, if they "get taken" she'll end both their sparks.

On the U.S.S. Henry Harrison, Soundwave and Thundercracker land on deck.  Soundwave orders Thundercracker not to destroy the ship yet, and the sailors try to stop them.  Thundercracker grabs the captain who begs him not to kill him.  Thundercracker places him on the deck, telling him that he pities humanity's fragility and that they should all "be on [their] way."  

As the ship burns around them and they watch the liferafts drift into sea, Soundwave asks what Thundercracker is doing, and Thundercracker comments that the humans can't hurt them.  Soundwave says they can't have witnesses, and Thundercracker starts to object — but then Soundwave simply kills them.  It's brutal, you guys.  It's interesting how...noble Thundercracker has been.  Whereas Cliffjumper's pacifism comes from a place of exhaustion, Thundercracker has almost Optimus levels of compassion and conscientiousness.

We then move onto a pretty hilarious segment.  Optimus enters the Ark's main room as Wheeljack and Skywarp are trading insults.  Wheeljack confirms that he can't separate Skywarp from Teletran 1 until he gets more Cybertronian tech.  Optimus has Wheeljack replay the video for Skywarp of Starscream and Soundwave ripping him into pieces, but they're interrupted when Carly enters with a RPG (with the intent to kill Skywarp).   Optimus is like, "For fuck's safe, Carly," and Carly falters when he explains that they need Skywarp — even if he's the reason Spike got shot — to save the other Autobots.  Carly accidentally shoots the RPG, and Arcee hurls herself in front of the blast, saving Skywarp.  Suddenly, Skywarp fixes Wheeljack's legs, to his delight.  Optimus tries to talk to Carly, but she tells him that it isn't an "Optimus teaching moment."  Ha!  She asks if she's just supposed to "wait around and get squished," and, honestly?  It's a good point.  

Arcee follows Carly to her van, telling her it's "quite the vehicle."  Carly apologies for shooting Arcee and asks why Teletraan didn't fix her.  Arcee explains they're low on Energon, since the Decepticons used most of it on the Constructicons.  Carly asks why the Autobots don't act as badass as they are, and Arcee explains that they "were scattered and lost" before the war but Optimus brought them together to fight for peace.  Carly snidely comments, "easy for him to say," and Arcee cautions her that Optimus' losses "could fill a chasm."

On the seafloor, Soundwave explains that they sank the Harrison since it has the most advanced energy technology the humans have — nuclear power — and then orders the Constructions to unearth the Nemesis.

In the Ark (seriously, this issue has so much jammed into it), Jetfire awakens.  He's hazy, and Optimus tells him that he lost some of his spark.  Ratchet is there and expound that they could only bring back one form, his jet form.  Jetfire asks why Optimus didn't let him rest, and Optimus explains they need his help to travel the world (per his comment at the end of last issue).  Devastatingly, Jetfire asks if he's really just a husk to them, saying that he can't see anything, including the stars.  Optimus offers to leave, but Jetfire asks him to stay, since it's so dark.  Optimus sits next to him, and it's just so much, you guys.

Soundwave and company enter the Nemesis and hear pounding.  They're all surprised that the Transformer in the cell making the noise survived the crash.  Thundercracker is nervous, but Soundwave orders him to open the cell, since they need all the help they can get.  Suddenly, Astrotrain emerges like Jack Nicholson in "The Shining."  He demands to know where "he" is, throwing Thudnercracker into a wall when Soundwave says that they don't know.  He's just a total raving mess, and Soundwave swears when they find Megatron (aha!) Astrotrain is free to do whatever he wants with him.  But, for now, Soundwave has a mission.

At the Ark, Wheeljack notes the awakening of Cybertronian technology (i.e., the Nemesis), and Optimus calls the Autobots to action.  Optimus refuses to bring Carly with them, and Arcee asks if she can take on Carly as her Iron Apprentice.  Optimus says only two Cybertronians can have that relationship, but Arcee says she's willing to try if Carly is.  Arcee explains that it's a "sacred bond" between two beings, "one older and one younger."  It marks the beginning of a clan, and it's what she had with Ultra Magnus.  Although Carly doesn't formally agree, Optimus leaves Arcee and Carly to stay with Wheeljack to defend the Ark and watch over "young Spike."  Cliffjumper then takes control of Jetfire, and he, Jazz, Optimus, and Ratchet head to the Nemesis.

On the Nemesis, Soundwave tells Thundercracker that the goal of resurrecting it wasn't to fly it, but to use its antennae to call for reinforcements.  Enter Shockwave!

Seven-Month-Old Comics!: The May 8 Top-Shelf Edition - Part One (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

The Boy Wonder #1:  I'm glad I put this issue on my top-shelf list, because it's as good as everyone says.  Ba uses a framing device in which Damian tells a story to a thief who's taken him hostage, because he feels like the guy could use a minute.  

The story involves him going on his first solo adventure.  Well, it's actually his second solo adventure.  On his first one, Damian cut off the perp's head and, seeing the horror on Batman's face when he found him, realizes that he doesn't fit into the Family.  But Damian hears of a demon plaguing Undersell and, while Bruce is outside Gotham on a mission, figures that he's the right Family member to stop it since he's a demon, too.  

Of course, Alfred is nothing if not observant and sends a married Dick and Barbara to watch over Damian who's furious.  They confront the "demons," but it turns out Clayface was posing as them to throw the cops off his trail.  Damian leaps into the fray too quickly and has to watch as Dick and Barbara take down Clayface.  After the battle, Damian watches Dick kiss Barbara and realizes that both he and his father lack this trait that Dick has:  love.  Dick also tells Damian that they're not just there to beat up bad guys but to help their victims, too.  

Damian heads into the night and stops a mugging.  Remembering Dick's words, he helps the older woman to his feet as an enormously proud Dick watches from the rooftops.  Damian is also pleased with himself but then hears the woman scream again as a demon grabs her and escapes.  Damian narrates that he now needs a hunter, so we're seeing Jason next issue. 

Again, it's just great.  It isn't morose, but it isn't fluff, and the art is spectacular.  I highly recommend.

Crocodile Black #1:  I loved Johnson's "The Last God," and I was excited to jump on here.  I read the issue twice, and Johnson manages to tell us what the point of the story is without giving away the farm, so I'm excited to see where we go.

In May 2021, someone brutally kills a "security guard" (think "Mafia don's henchman") on the ground floor of a house.  Before the killer murders him, the second guard recognizes the killer and tells him the don is upstairs.  The killer still crashes a potted plan on his head.

A month earlier, teenager Danny is listening to a movie while drawing in a sketchbook when the parental controls end his movie.  He exits his room, and his mom is overly enthusiastic in greeting him.  His older sister, Jess, invites him to watch a movie; Danny says she doesn't have to do so (as a red squiggly figure appears on the floor between them), and Jess says she wants to do it.  He agrees and prepares to leave for his job delivering groceries.  Danny's mom tells him that she wants him to follow the rules so he can "move up" and tells him to say good-bye to his father before he leaves.  Danny replies that his father is working and leaves.

On the job, Danny is talking to his therapist, complaining about his parents being "up in my shit all the time."  The therapist exposits that Danny has an obsessive disorder and they have to use things like parental controls to keep his escapism in check.  Danny tells his therapist that his favorite part of his job is wearing his mask when no one else is because he can be anyone he wants under there.  The therapist is rightfully disturbed by that comment.  He asks about his sketchbook and the last time he saw Matty, and we now see that the red squiggly guy is a doodle of a little boy with a cap sitting in Danny's backseat.

Dan arrives at a house with a delivery for Leo Black, and he's disturbed when he finds the house is largely abandoned.  Danny walks through the house looking for someone and eventually finds an old man dead in a chair.  Danny notices the man's black crocodile shoes and then calls 9-1-1.  After reporting the guy needing medical attention, Danny steals Black's still burning cigarette and wallet.

At dinner that night, Danny's mom asks about work, and Danny imagines his face in one of the shoes.  (It's weird.)  His sister comments on his ominous chuckle, but his clueless mom asks if it means he's making friends.  His mom hopes he'll get a better "score" and, OMG, this woman is clueless.  Danny then sees himself eating his spaghetti from the shoe when his dad asks if he did any drawing at work.  Everyone loses their shit.  Danny asks if his dad has been searching his room again, and his dad delivers an answer that confirms he's a dick:  "It's my house."  OMG, fuck you, dude.  

Danny reminds him that those drawings are from his sessions, and his father asks why Matty is on a tricycle.  Danny again reminds him that he said he couldn't go in his room again, and his father gleefully antagonizes him, saying that Danny claimed he couldn't remember anything so why is Matty on a tricycle.  (Clearly something traumatic happened here.)  Danny again tells him not to go through his shit, and Danny's father again says, "Or what?  It's my house."  Danny starts to leave, and Jess tries to stop him.  Danny's dad continues, saying he can answer the question given his brother "apparently vanished into thin fucking---"

Danny throws his plate at him, and his father comments, "Struck a nerve, huh?"  (I want this man to die alone and in pain.)  Danny's mom tells Danny's dad to shut his mouth, but Danny's dad says that it's good, they can see who he really is under there.  To this point, Danny begins to imagine a crocodile.  Danny leaves as his father insists he'll return and Jess stands in the doorstep asking him not to go.

One month later, Detective Trivosonno, or Triv, is investigating a crime scene, namely the one that started the issue.  In the past, we see Danny entering Leo's house and taking the crocodile shoes off his body.  (I think Danny returned to the house after the argument, but I'm not really sure.  After all, he called 9-1-1, so presumably they would've taken the body by the time Danny could return.  So maybe he did it when he initially found the body?)  Triv says that the boot prints are everywhere, which usually means that the perp wants to get caught.  But, here, Triv wonders if they're watching someone finding his calling.

In other words, it's creepy as fuck and I guess I'm totally rooting for a serial killer?  (It's certainly the month for that...)

Energon Universe 2024 Special #1:  Ho boy, the team really delivers here.

The "Transformers" story is spectacular, everything we've come to expect of Johnson.  It's like he knew we could go exactly this long, and not a moment longer, without Megatron, so he gets him in the game here.  In the familiar fight aboard the Ark that precedes the Transformers' arrival on earth, we see him monologuing and rampaging as he's wont to do.  He kills Brawn, and an enraged Optimus tells him to stop.  Megatron gloats that the "leader of the Autobots" is "begging for an end," which is a particularly Megatron spin on Optimus simply telling him to stop.  

Megatron accuses Optimus' softness of bringing "malaise to our precious home" and pokes out his eye screaming, "Your weakness was the downfall of Cybertron!"  But Optimus doesn't take it lying down and uses his energy axe to cut off Megatron's arm (explaining how it was on the Ark, as we've seen in "Transformers").  He then kicks Megatron out the Ark's open door, and Megatron is barely able to grab onto the Ark with his one good hand.  Starscream sees his chance and shoots Megatron in the eye, hilariously saying, "Shhh...don't worry...rest now."

Megatron falls to Earth where, as we know from "Cobra Commander," Cobra-La found him.  He awakens in the lab in Cobra-la, screaming, "Starscream."  Heh.  The scientists try to shut down Megatron but obviously fail, and he breaks his bonds.  He steps on a scientist and demands to know where his "limbs" are, and the scientist points him to the one they found.  (Megatron must've mellowed, because he lets him live.)  Megatron holds up his shoulder to the limb and it self-heals, which isn't a thing I think we've seen before.

At this point, Golobulus and his troops arrive, and Golobulus tells Megatron he belongs to him.  Megatron is cocky and starts to tear through the soldiers, but Golobulus manages to take out his remaining good eye.  Interestingly, Megatron screams that he isn't only the leader of the Decepticons but also of the "True Way."  Realizing he's losing, Megatron flees Cobra-La.  On a cliff in the mountains outside Cobra-La, he announces, "I am coming for you, Starscream."  I, for one, cannot wait!

Meanwhile, it just keeps getting better as we move onto the "Void Rivals" story.  At a spaceport, Skuxxoid is annoyed that Slizardo is pointing a blaster at him.  He explains that he found the alloy that matched the specifications Slizardo sent him but, after they agreed to meet at the spaceport, the Quintessons took it from him (as seen in "Void Rivals" #6).  He mentions the Quintessons' interest in the fact it was "Zertonian," at which point Hot Rod reveals himself!  You guys!  I cannot explain how stoked I am!

Hot Rod clearly hired Slizardo to find the alloy, and Kirkman does a great job nailing his personality in just this short scene.  ("Hello?  Giant intimidating robot here, remember?")  Hot Rod tells Skuxxoid that he's tracking "an ally of mine who's gone missing" and was "obsessed with an old Cybertroning legend, thinking it would lead him to some way of saving our world."  Skuxxoid gives Hot Rod all the information he has, including the trajectory of the Agorrian and Zertonian when they left.  Hot Rod quips, "Stay out of trouble, kids.  I mean it." and leaves, and Skuxxoid tells Slizardo he's going home to his wife and kids.  Meanwhile, an agent of some sort watches from the shadows.

The "G.I. Joe:  A Real American Hero" story is solid and pretty straight-forward as Duke convinces the Baroness to join his team.  First, he has to convince Hawk, who isn't thrilled.  But Duke reminds Hawk that he wanted them thinking outside the box and notes the Baroness is the only one looking at the box through a sniper sight.  Later, two assailants attack the Baroness, and Duke saves her.  It turns out the assailants were Flint and Lady Jaye and Hawk sent them after her:  apparently, Hawk's reluctance to let Duke "hire" the Baroness was because he wanted her for a different team he's assembling.  And he wonders why he has "trust issues" with Duke!

Geiger #2:  OMG, I'm as over Nate as Geiger is.

The issue begins with Nate feeling guilty over the fact they killed a hog, leaving behind his mate and two piglets.  He tells Geiger about a one-eyed man who counted cards better than anyone at the Camelot and how the king eventually ordered Nate and his men to pluck out the man's remaining eye with a cocktail fork.  Geiger tells Nate that he isn't a priest and doesn't want to talk — they're just heading into Silverton, where the man who was cured allegedly last resided.

In Silverton, the sheriff tells them that the town would happily string up Nate given the torment the Nuclear Knights inflicted on the town.  Instead, the sheriff offers a trade:  if Geiger takes out a masked raider who's been stealing from the town, he'll give him the name of the man who was cured and his last known location and the townsfolk won't kill Nate.  Geiger says he isn't a gun-for-hire, and the sheriff says he'll really let the townsfolk kill Nate.

Geiger takes the deal, which probably sets up a pattern in coming issues, of Geiger as his own "A-Team."  (Nate certainly isn't B.A. or Face.)  Nate is once again prattling as they wait for the raider to arrive that night.  Geiger loses it when Nate says they're heroes, and his powers activate (despite the rods) and set his book on fire.  Geiger reminds Nate that the townsfolk would hang both of them if they had a chance, so it isn't heroism so much as a trade.  Geiger dismisses him as a waste of time, and Nate once again gets all hang-dog, forcing Geiger to feel badly (though grudgingly).

Thankfully, the raider arrives and distracts everyone.  Nate literally weighs down Geiger in the pursuit, but they finally catch the guy in a covered pickup truck where they find he has a wife and three kids.  Geiger spares him (but tells him to stop raiding the town) and gives the cracked mask to the sheriff to get the name:  Ash Arden in Lewistown, Montana.

Later, as Geiger and Nate depart for Montana, the raider tells his wife that Geiger was a gift from god who reminded them to return to the "righteous path."  Horrifyingly, though, the man from last issue appears and electrocutes the guy, demanding the wife tell him where the Glowing Man went before he moves onto the children.  The guy's face is familiar, so I think we know who he is?  I guess we'll see.

FCBD 2024! (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Flash Gordon #0:  Holy shit, this issue is great.  Conrad's Flash is sexy AF, as he's supposed to be, the Earther football jock unexpectedly leading the fight against Ming the Merciless.  Adams doesn't spend a lot of time on exposition, keeping us focused mostly on the action, so it helps if you have at least some have hazy memories of the 1980 movie.  That said, Adams' focus on the present and not the past makes the issue as exciting as it is.

Flash and the team are trying to hijack a shipment on Mongo (Ming's home world) only for Flash to die when some of Ming's troops open fire on them.  Ming is shocked Flash died so ingloriously.  After visiting the corpse to confirm Flash really is dead, Ming returns his focus on the Unraveled, a device one of his scientists created to destroy Earth.  (Creepily, the scientist reminds Ming of their deal, that he gets Ming's daughter Aura's hand in marriage.)  

Of course, it turns out Flash isn't dead.  Commenting to herself about the things she does for love, Aura climbs a tree and fires a DNA-seeking syringe into the palace.  The syringe finds Flash, awakening him from his "death."  Flash being Flash, he immediately leaps into battle with Ming.  

Expositing that the locals hate Ming enough to tell Flash about his plans for the Unraveled (hence the plan he and the team put into action), Flash fights to stop Ming from activating the device.  However, he's too late.  Ming informs Flash that — as the scientist helpfully exposited to us earlier — the Unraveled can't be stopped once activated.  Flash does the only thing he can, knocking over the Unraveled, which means it'll destroy Mongo instead!

In other words, it's pretty great.  So long as Adams keeps Flash charming and Conrad keeps him sexy, they're giving the people what they want.  But Adams really ups the ante as Flash is forced to choose genocide over letting Earth die.  If Adams somehow keeps the charm and sex appeal but also make it somehow more serious, like he does here, he'll have something special on his hands.

Free Comic Book Day:  Star Wars #1:  The best Star Wars stories to my mind involve characters who don't usually get center stage.  As such, I loved spending a few panels with the Storm Troopers "guarding" the abandoned Alliance base on Hoth as they complain that their lieutenant got them stationed there for his apparent role in the destruction of the Palpatine statue on Coruscant (from "Star Wars" #36).

Unfortunately (and not surprisingly), it doesn't turn out too well for them.  Chewie, Lando, Leia, and Luke return to Hoth after they get word that some Alliance troops failed to evacuate and come face-to-face with the Imperial detachment.  After the left-behind troops find the Rebels during the ensuing melee, the gang skedaddles, with the Imperials in "hot" (heh) pursuit.  (The lieutenant hopes capturing the Rebels is his ticket off the planet.)  Luke leads the gang to the cave where the Wampa attacked him, and they hilariously roast up the arm Luke amputated from the Wampa for food.  The next day, they discover that the lieutenant and his men crashed and froze in the storm.  Ah, Hoth.

The Darth Vader story is much more interesting, as Vader's time in the Martyrdom of Frozen Tears causes him to suffer a hallucination that reminds him that he has to find Luke.  (Did he really forget?)  Knowing that he can't approach Luke directly without causing him to bolt, Vader sends out Sabé.  She somehow knows to track down Warba Calip, the alleged mystic who trained Luke in "Star Wars (2015)" #69-75.  

Warba tells Sabé that she'll help her find Luke if she picks up a box at a nearby cantina.  Instead of getting the box, Sabé gets into a fight and helps an indentured servant escape his master.  (Of course she does.)  Telling Sabé that she isn't sure anyone ever passes tests, Warba tells Sabé to meet her the next day at dawn.  

The most interesting part, though, is that Warba returns to the cantina later to meet...Darth Vader!  He asks if Sabé failed the test, which Warba says she did.  Warba clicks open the box and pulls out some sort of tile with the Imperial emblem on it.  Vader tells her she passed the test as she kneels before him.  Dun-dun-DUN!

Gathcaman #0 FCBD:  Bunn doesn't do anything particularly revolutionary here, mostly just introducing us to the Super Science Team and their never-ending battle against Galactor, an organization whose motivation seems best described as "do evil."  Conversely, we learn the Team uses "secretive ninja techniques, fringe science, and bleeding edge technology" to save Earth.  But Batista and Lopez are really the show here, as they provide fantastic and kinetic fight sequences.  That said, Bunn ends with an intriguing hook, as Dr. Nambu, the Team's coordinator, is preparing a new Super Science Team for the day the current one fails.

The back-up stories are interesting enough, highlighting Ken's grit as he flies back to base while injured (and possibly discovering his "deceased" father isn't deceased) and Galactor chief Berg Katse's ruthlessness as he takes out a rival.  If anything, it's these two stories that really sell the concept for me, so I'll be back for "Gatchaman" #1.

Jonny Quest #0:  I've seen the rave reviews for this title, and I totally get why after this issue.

In 1964, the Sea Quest crew finds itself in an unexpected storm as Dr. Quest tests his new "quantum counter."  A bolt of lightning hits the ship, causing the counter to shed a trippy light.  The next morning, the crew finds calmer seas and heads home to a different Palm Key than the one they left a week ago.  They're not only surprised to a find insectoid security bot launching itself at them but the dilapidated remains of the Sea Quest itself!  Meanwhile, someone watches from a security camera, intoning that Dr. Quest isn't going to like the answer to what happened.  Dun-dun-DUN!  

Not only does Casey provide a propulsive script, but Piriz's action sequences are spectacular and Scaramella's colors really set the mood.  It's an A+ outing, and I'm stoked to jump on this bandwagon.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles:  Free Comic Book Day 2024 #1:  This issue is more of a prelude to "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles:  Nightwatcher" #1 than it is to the upcoming reboot that Jason Aaron is writing, though I'm not complaining. 

We're introduced to the Nightwatcher as we learn that a "mutagen bomb exploded in New York City" a year ago, turning a portion of the population into mutants or, as the narrator puts it, "what many consider to be something other."  It's unclear if the Nightwatcher is working alone, but he definitely sees himself as the mutants' defender as he stops some humans-dressed-as-mutants from robbing the mutants' vault.

The other story is a continuity-less one, a fun story about what Splinter does when he sends the boys on patrol because the father of four teenage boys just really needs a break sometimes.

All in all, it's good, FCBD fun.

Seven-Month-Old Comics!: The May 1 Top-Shelf Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Minor Threats II:  The Fastest Way Down #2:  OK, I was kind of down on this enterprise after I didn't like "The Alternates," but, holy shit, we go interesting places fast here.

The issue starts with us meeting Snakestalker's partner, the Reptilian, which I wasn't expecting.  I thought Insomniac killed him (motivating Snakestalker's participation in the first series' events), but it turns out he "simply" put the Reptilian in traction.  The Reptilian recalls that day, watching from his hospital bed as Snakestalker told him that he was going to go kill Stickman (and not the Insomniac, which we'll address below).  It turns out it was the last time the Reptilian saw him.

Anyway, the Action are making their way through roughing up the crowd at the super-villain bar where the Reptilian is drinking.  He interrupts the melee by telling them he'll help them.  It turns out the Reptilian is carrying a grudge against Frankie because no one mentioned Snakestalker's name after the event of "Minor Threats" #4.  The Reptilian couldn't find out any information about him, and the Action's leader, Bite Boy, tells him that they couldn't get Brain Tease to confess anything, either.  Bite Boy exposits that several of the Action's members trained under the Insomniac, which is how they know Brain Tease couldn't have killed him.  

The Reptilian tells Bite Boy that he had Brain Tease tailed in prison.  The tail managed to record Frankie's conversation with Brain Tease (as we saw last issue), which the Reptilian passes onto the Action.  Bite Boy acknowledges the Reptilian is right when he says that Frankie is untouchable, but the Reptilian suggests they fuck up her business and drag her into the light.  

It's clear that the Reptilian's plan will work as we shift to a furious Frankie standing at Brain Tease's bedside.  Scalpel wants to kill him, but Frankie refuses, saying they live by the Code and she promised Brain Tease she'd protect him.  (Also he clearly didn't squeal given his condition.)  Later, Frankie confesses to her ex-husband that she feels like she's losing herself after she "went through a thing a while ago" (i.e., killing the Insomniac).  He suggests that she keeps herself focused on their daughter and him, using them as her compass.  (The comment is flirty and amps up the tension given the hint from last issue that he's interested in rekindling their relationship.)

Meanwhile, the Reptilian tells us that he and Snakestalker fell in love while they were both Stickboys (i.e., Stickman's henchmen).  It's why Snakestalker decided to go kill Stickman instead of the Insomniac as he blamed him not only for the abuse they suffered under him but also for pushing the Insomniac to the point where he was so violent that he hurt the Reptilian.

Eventually, the Action bust up one of Frankie's operations, and Bite Boy has one of her minions call Frankie to tell her.  Frankie takes the bait, but thankfully for her Scalpel battles her across Redport trying to convince her not to be a fucking idiot.  Frankie insists the Action knows the truth, which Scalpel correctly notes is obviously not true given they're baiting her.  Honestly, Frankie is so nuts that I'm like, Scalpel, girl, you deserve better.  But Scalpel eventually calms down Frankie by professing her true love for her.

At the docks, the Action is furious Frankie isn't coming.  The Reptilian recalls the night Snakestalker told him that he wanted to start a family, that they'd be better fathers than their own fathers.  The Reptilian reflects on how he didn't just lose Snakestalker that night:  he lost a family that never got to be.  Blum and Oswald make his pain so palpable that you're really almost rooting for him.  He decides the next move is for the kids to go after Frankie's mom, which they think will be easy because she's an old woman.  Of course, as they arrive, we see the Jack-in-the-Box gun-wielding Loretta waiting for them.  Ha.  Go, Loretta.

Space Ghost #1:  I loved Space Ghost as a kid, and I was thrilled when I saw that this series got great reviews.  I'm happy to report, I totally agree with them.

The intro page establishes the larger setting, that we're dealing with a Galactic Federation where scientists mostly occupy the colonies in the galaxy's outer reaches and pirates prey upon them.  This status quo is evident in the issue's first few pages, as pirates overrun Space Colony Omicron.  Sexy AF Dr. Jarrod Kepler calls the Galactic Patrol for help but tells his children, Jace and Jana (!), that he doesn't think the Patrol is coming to help.  After expositing that Jace takes engineering classes and Jana blaster training, Kepler erases the lab's mainframe.  Before opening the door, he tells the kids that they need to protect Blip as he's extremely important and that he loves them.  Once he opens the door, the pirates immediately shoot him and enter the lab

Jace and Jana hide with Blip as Brago, Lurker, One-eye, and Tansut enter to collect a bounty, which is apparently 50,000 credits for a prototype of some sort.  Suddenly, someone sets Brago on fire and freezes Lurker.  Space Ghost emerges from the shadows and beats up One-Eye and isn't surprised to see that they're working for Robo Corp.  Space Ghost notices the kids, and they run in panic.  Jace sends some drones after a pursuing Space Ghost and Jana manages to shoot him as Jace opens up a locked door.

Entering the hangar, they encounter two people wearing huge "Daft Punk" helmets.  Realizing the kids mistake them for Galactic Patrol, the pair get Jace to tell them that he's pretty sure the pirates are after Blip, or Binary Language Integrated Prototype, as he "could revolutionize brain medicine or even artificial intelligence!"  The pair then take off their helmets, revealing old school Space Ghost villain (Captain) Brak and his brother, Captain Sisto.  

Before the pair can off the kids, Space Ghost crashes through the ceiling.  Brak stays to handle Space Ghost and sends Sisto after Jace, who Jan sent running with Blip.  Seeing a jet, Jace has Blip lure Sisto behind the engines and then alights them, frying Sisto.  (I'm surprised Jace has the siblings' first kill.)  Meanwhile, Brak figures out Space Ghost's condensed particle shield will amplify a subsonic grenade, knocking Space Ghost off his feet.  But Jan manages to grab one of the blasters Space Ghost lost in the melee and freezes the grenade, allowing Space Ghost to beat up Brak.

Reunited, the kids are in tears in their grief.  They note that they've lost everyone but, putting back on his bracelet, Space Ghost says, "Not everyone."  Dun-dun-DUN!

The Whisper Queen:  A Blacksands Tale #1:  This issue picks up immediately after "White Trees" #2, with Krylos having just murdered the king.  

The man who took charge of the council after the king's death approaches Javro, the king's former assassin, in her cell and tells her that the council is trying to figure out its next steps given the king left no heirs.  He informs her that Krylos killed the king and Dahvlan and Scotiar were his accomplices.  The man says that he can't free her from her life imprisonment, because the "king's wishes transcend his death," but he's hoping her allegiance to the kingdom means she'll give them a hint about the enemies the king created in his lifetime.  Unfortunately, she reminds him of his own words —that the king's wishes "extend past his life" — so her secrecy does as well.  The man seems to accept that, grudgingly, though tells her that he's sending "The Dark Whisper" after them, "among others."

In a flashback, the king tells his wife, who's holding a baby, that he needs to do one more thing before bed.  In the hallway, Javro appears from the shadows to meet him.  The king begins to ask if her latest mission was easy but, seeing the blood splattered all over her, realizes it wasn't.  He tells her that the mission was necessary, though, because — and the camera flashes to his wife holding the baby — "there are enemies all around."  Given the man in the first scene said the king died without heirs, it's pretty clear something happens to the baby.

Later, Javro's partner , Jerohn, arrives to visit and is surprised that the guards are scurinizing what he brings with him — he tells him that he's bringing an applewood muffin and a nightberry muffin, as always.  Jehron surmises that something is happening, noting both the guards' thoroughness and that Mak-ko, their son, was "called away."  Jehron is surprised when Javro is shocked at that news, noting that she knows that he was following in her footsteps.  Realizing the Dark Whisper will harm Mak-ko if he gets in its way, Javro tells Jerohn that it's time for the applewood muffin.  We then fast-forward to Jehron on the ground foaming at the mouth and Javro calling the guards for help.  She then makes quick work of the guards and feeds Tehran the nightberry muffin, the cure to his applewood allergy.  (Very clever.)  She leaves immediately but tells Jehron to make it to their place in Windholding.

Before she enters a bakery, Javro recalls assassinating someone.  When she eventually enters, the person behind the counter, Allou, recognizes her.  Allou's partner, Telkwa, then emerges from the kitchen.  Javro simply tells Telkwa that "it's happening," and Telkwa agrees to leave with Javro.  

Before they leave, Telkwa brings them to find Waltax, her daughter and Mako's best friend.  (Javro is less than pleased by this development.)  Telkwa thinks it's cute that their children are friends, though Javro crankily asserts that they bring out the worst in each other.  Telkwa claims they were just like the kids at their age, and Javro disagrees, nothing they were drafted into a war.

At the doorstep of a bar, Telkwa tells Javro that she's a liberal mother but Javro should enter alone.  I think we all know where we're going:  orgy time!  Before she enters, Javro uses some sort of Jedi Mind Trick on the guard and then it's all boobs and cocks.  Waltax is an enormous woman, like Allou, and she's telling the end of a story as she holds a naked man and woman on either arm.  Waltax shouts in excitement when she sees "Auntie Ro," but Javro gets right to the point and asks where Mak-ko is.  Waltax says he's on a bounty somewhere and is a pro so wouldn't want his mommy helping.  Javro says he isn't a pro but a child, and Waltax isn't buying it, affirming that he's a pro and, for good measure, reminding Javro that she wouldn't know what a pro is because she wasn't "pro enough."  Heh.  Love Waltax.  

When Javro tells Waltax the Dark Whisper is on the same case, Waltax calls bullshit, saying the Whisper isn't real, but follows Javro from the club.  Of course, she's immediately embarrassed that her mother is waiting outside, particularly when Telkwa tells her that she hopes she "played safe" in there and then waxes poetic about how much she loved such places when she was young.  

The trio gets on the road, and Waltax is impressed when Javro's old badge gets them past a checkpoint.  Javro once again rambles like an insufferable Boomer about how the badge represents "a responsibility earned" and Waltax is like, Fuck you, I'll go "scout ahead" in Wildtown.  Telkwa reminds Javro once again that they were that way once, and this time Javro agrees but notes that the time was fleeting because the world "crashed down around us."  Telkwa reminds Javro they fought that war so their children could live their lives so she should let them actually enjoy said lives or their suffering had no point.

In a flashback, a younger Javro and Telkwa are at a festival, and Mak-ko asks if he and Telkwa can follow a parade to Talahan.  Javro tells them just to wait in Talahan when they arrive, and Telkwa marvels at the five years of peace.  As Javro joins in the marveling, she catches site of three figures in robes and mutters to Telkwa that, "Something's wrong..."

In the present, the pair arrive in Wildtown and find Waltax hitting on a girl in an alley.  (Notably, they find Waltax after Telkwa apparently takes a risk in casting a minor spell.  "A tiny spell, so a tiny cost," she says.  Also of note, Waltax is using the same pick-up line she used at the club.)  Waltax tells Javro that she wasn't just hitting on people but did what Javro told her to do:  she's staking out the business of the cobbler, the man Mak-ko was supposed to see.  

Javro immediately mutters, "Delvane," and she and Telkwa enter the store only for a bouncing frogman (i.e., Delvane) to attack them.  Telkwa eventually gets him wrapped around a chair, and Javro expresses surprise because she thought he died at Orchid Falls.  Javro demands to know where Mak-ko is and observes Delvane likely also helped Dahvlan and Scotiar.   Telkwa tells Delvane that she'll end him if he doesn't help, since Mak-ko is like a son to her, warning him that she's still Telkwa the Wild.  From the corner of her eye, Javro catches the site of a red light and looks to see someone that looks like a female Grey Gargoyle wearing a broken face mask.  (The part that doesn't cover her face has the glowing red eyes that caught Javro's attention.)  Javro then mutters, "The Dark Whisper."  Uh-oh!

After reading this issue, I re-read "White Trees," which I recommend everyone does since it's so wonderful.  I'll note the only reference to that series here — other than the king's murder — is that Krylos' wife died in the "slaughter of Orchid Falls" (mentioned in issue #1), where Javro thought Delvane died as well.  It also took me a minute to connect the title of the series to the Dark Whisper, so it seems clear that the king's wife somehow became the Whisper.  I don't think this story is a happy one.

Seven-Month-Old Comics!: The April 24 Top-Shelf Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Dawnrunner #2:  The art in this series is beautiful except, ironically, for the battle sequences, which are almost impossible to follow.

The day after Dawnrunner's debut, Anita meets with her daughter, Annie, while wearing a Hazmat suit.  Eventually, other people in Hazmat suits approach and tell Anita that it's time for Annie to return to the "hypo-u," because they can't risk exposure anymore.  I initially thought they were protecting Annie from Anita, but then Anita leaves the facility without a Hazmat suit.  Outside, she finds Lestern in his car, and he offers her a ride to campus.  He asks about Annie, and Anita exposits that Annie has a disease that tricks her body into attacking itself and that it likely came from the Tetza.

But Anita sees through Lestern's fake concern and asks why he's there.  He tells her they lost contact with her for four minutes and eighteen seconds, and the world came close to losing its shit during that time.  In a flashback, Anita recalls that she was unable to control Dawnrunner while stuck in Ichiro's memories and the Tetza was winning.  Then Ichiro jumpstarted a car in his memories and, when the engine sparked, it awakened Anita and she brutally took down the Tetza.  But, when Lestern again prompts her to tell him what happened during the time they lost contact, she simply responds that it's his people's responsibility to find out what happened.

At the lab, Cat tells Anita that Lestern has managed to turn the debacle into a PR success, telling the people that Anita is so good she put on a bit of a show for everyone.  Anita tells Cat that she can't really remember anything, just flashes of "things, faces, images."  Then, Cat drops the bomb:  the Dawnrunner's innovation is that Cordonware has been preserving the brains of deceased combatants since the Tetza arrived and it used Ichiro's mind as Dawnrunner's processors, reducing the lag between the human pilot initiating an action and the IK undertaking it.  Anita asks if she can enter Dawnrunner again, just to connect to the neural link with Ichiro, and Cat rules out the possibility.

After Anita leaves, Murali chases her, telling her that he can connect her so long as he gets to download everything she senses, since it represents "untapped data on the Tetza from the contact event."  Anita agrees and finds herself engaged with Ichiro more seamlessly:  he recognizes she's there and they're able to talk to each other.  She follows him (so to speak) as he heads to the research facility to find his family.  In despair over the devastation he finds, Ichiro gives up hope, but Anita encourages him to keep looking.  Suddenly, his children emerge from under some rubble.

This issue definitely rights the ship quite a bit.  Other than the incomprehensible battle scenes, it's an intriguing story.  I'm still not sure I'd hang in there longer than five issues, but I'm happy to hang in there three more issues to see what happens.

Duke #5:  Oof, we are going places, people.

This mini-series seamlessly sets up the "Destro" one, as Duke accuses Destro of using a robot who transformed from a jet (i.e., Starscream) to kill Frost and thereby informs Destro of the Transformers' existence.  Destro offers Duke a place at his side, which I initially thought Duke was going to take thanks to great panel sequencing on Williamson's part.  But Duke refuses the offer by headbutting Destro, a somewhat futile move given Destro's helmet but one that underscores Duke's grit.

Destro leaves his HQ and orders his minion, Scrap-Iron, to burn it to the ground as he also leaves Duke to survive a fight with a Battle Action Trooper (B.A.T.).  Duke manages to defeat the B.A.T., displaying his combat genius as he improvises moves and weapons to stay in the fight.  As he recalls Frost's death, Duke amps up his ferocity and brutally destroys the B.A.T.

With the public thinking Duke dead (given his presence in the destroyed M.A.R.S. HQ), Hawk admits to Duke at his bedside that he manipulated him into going after Destro and M.A.R.S.  Before Duke can tell him to go fuck himself, Hawk brings him to the Pit, where Clutch is working on creating the installation that we all now know.  Hawk also shows Duke security footage of Optimus Prime and asks Duke to lead the team that he's assembling to get more information about the Transformers.  Duke agrees but modifies the mission to destroying them.

Again, this series was excellent in no small part because Williamson really centers Duke's determination and pain.  He isn't just some superhuman hero, but a man on a quest to avenge his friend.  I can't wait to see where we go from here.

Dungeons & Dragons:  Saturday Morning Adventures II #4:  This issue is better than the last one but, oof, it still isn't great.

The kids wait with Jarlaxle on the Luskan shore as a storm blows into the city.  Hank is concerned that Drizzt and Dungeon Master are late, but Jarlaxle cautions him against taking the Flyin' Maiden to find them.  Based on Hank's comment about "home," Jarlaxle asks Hank to explain their situation to him, which he does.  Jarlaxle wonders why someone as powerful as Dungeon Master can't just send them home and then comments, wryly, that "those with power rarely use it to help others without expecting something in return."  (He humorously notes Minsc and Boo are the exception.)

Diana encourages Sheila to stop wondering if Bobby is mad at her and actually talk with him, which she does.  It prompts a reconciliation, as Diana pledges to treat him more like an adult and Bobby acknowledges that she's going to worry about him no matter how old he is.  As the storm worsens, Bobby demands that they take the Maiden to find Dungeon Master, but Jarlaxle pulls a fast one, noting the Maiden is the price for his help.  Hank notes that he got all of Wrathun's treasure (did he?), but Jarlaxle is unmoved.  The gang gets ready to attack him.

Before Bobby can bodyslam Jarlaxle, Guenhwyvar tackles him for kisses and snuggles and Drizzt arrives.  Drizzt notes that the kids ridding Luskan's shores of Wrathun was a fair price for Jarlaxle's help, and Jarlaxle tells him he'd kill anyone who said that to him other than Drizzt.  Then, they shake like bros.  Yes, it's totally random.

Anyway, Dungeon Master is dying, and he's apparently sussed out Venger as the culprit.  "He has found a way to siphon my power to add to his own."  Does anyone explain that?  No.  Whatever.  Let's just ride this cart to the end.  

Of course, Venger appears, and Presto figures out Dungeon Master's riddle means that he can using Wrathun's healing staff to steal back Dungeon Master's power and Venger's power.   He then infuses both powers into Dungeon Master, who uses them to open the portal for the kids to return home.

[Sigh.  Prepare yourself, here.]  Venger informs the team that Dungeon Master and Venger will die if they enter the portal as the portal consumers magic.  (Given the endless number of spells that allow walking between worlds, this explanation makes no sense.)  Dungeon Master confirms Venger's assertion and says he's willing to sacrifice himself.  Eric — Eric — then says no because Dungeon Master is part of their team.  Fine.  Whatever.

Anyway, Jarlaxle takes Venger to a Luskan prison, Minsc and Boo go with Drizzt to Iceland Dale to battle ice trolls, and the kids agree to help some kid who suddenly appears asking for help to rid his village of ankheg.  

I wanted this series to do so well, but the random developments in issue #3 and this one were serious disappointments.  Oh, well.  I'll still probably buy a sequel.

If You Find This, I'm Already Dead #3:  Oof.  I didn't see where we were going here!

Robin informs us that the man at the center of all things is named Brand and that he's been on Terminus for five years.  You initially think she's learned that from her conversation with Brand, but it becomes clear later that Robin came to Terminus with that knowledge.

Brand exposits his origin story as they walk.  He was part of the expeditionary team that first arrived on Terminus.  The Skrulls, whom he calls "Dirt Eaters," captured him and then tortured and brainwashed him and his teammates.  Robin informs us that Brand lost his mind rather than submit to the brainwashing and killed his teammates.  In fact, it isn't even clear if the Dirt Eater really tried to brainwash him or if he simply snapped in the face of their "inhuman...customs."  That said, we do see in his memory the Dirt Eaters plucking an eye from his head, so it isn't hard to see why he lost his mind.  

Robin tries to draw out Brand's humanity, telling him that he was known for his intellect, that the military called him the "warrior-scientist."  Brand explains his background in genetics allowed him to create the Prongs (i.e., the Tuning Forks).  Since "all anyone wants is to feel superior to someone else," he used the Prongs as his own personal army.  

Robin tells us that Brand continued to ramble, including about making her his queen.  A Prong takes her to a cell, and she says something in alien.  She must've convinced the Prong of whatever she was saying, because he hits a button and she falls into an underground river.  She then reveals that the military asked her to find and kill Brand.  She refused but hypothesizes that the military gave everyone else on her team the same mission.  

Traveling through the sewers, she finds the creature who previously digested her in issue #2, who I initially thought was Terminus in that issue.  She somehow realizes that she should attempt to bond with it, and, in so doing, we see glimpses of her past:  for example, I'm pretty sure she became a war correspondent after losing her family in a bombing of some sort.  For her part, she realizes the creature is one of the gods originally sent to Terminus for battle.

Now bonded, she and the creature rise as one.  Brand sees the threat and enters the god that he himself created, and we get a good ol' fashioned kaiju battle.  But the battle awakens other gods, who join Robin in the fight.  After defeating Brand, the gods excess their gratitude for letting them fight one last time and open a portal for Robin to return home before resuming their sleep.

In the epilogue, Robin reveals that society fractured after she told her tale.  Knowing an alien race existed largely caused humanity to lose its faith in religion, at least as they existed at the time.  Some in society believe her; some don't.  Some want her dead; others see her as a messiah.  Robin reflects on the irony that she learned that gods do exist, but most of the ones she found are dead.

Overall, Kindt somehow told an incredibly complicated story over only three issues.  Usually in these situations, I'm left feeling like we needed more issues, but Kindt really nailed the pacing here.  I definitely recommend.

Star Wars:  Jango Fett #2:  This issue is fun because Jango is pretty evenly matched, making it unclear which bounty hunter — him, Aurra Sing, or Vigor Struk — is going to find the Hope of Glee Anselm first.

On Level 1313 of Coruscant, the "heart of the black market," Jango enters an office to find a group of Anselmi speaking with an information broker.  The Anselmi leader tells Jango that they're on a secret operation to recover the Hope and can't leave behind any witnesses.  Jango then thanks the Anselmi for standing so close together and uses the Whistling Bird to eliminate them.  

Jango tells the broker that he's been working over fences to get a lead (which we apparently saw in "Star Wars:  Revelations (2023)" #1 though I don't remember that), but he's got nothing.  The broker tells him that they picked up a recording of a ship leaving Jaloria after the heist, when the ports were shut.  Jango takes the recording and tells the broker to consider it a fair trade for sparing their life.  As Jango boards Slave 1, Aurra Sing tags him with a tracer after Judicial Huijari tells her not to kill Jango.

Fairok of the Nautolans contacts Jango while he's flying Slave 1 and tells him that he's calling off his contract, but Jango reminds him that only the Republic can do that.  He then cuts off Fairok to speak with Kligson (!), who identified the ship that left Jaloria as a garbage scow of the type only used on Hallitron-7 in the Jalor Sector.  

On Hallitron-7, Jango shakes down Renzoh Silliace, a guy who works in the junkyard for the Blood Oath Syndicate and who confirms that he was paid a lot to transport the thief and the Hope.  But Renzoh tells Jango it was a double-cross — whoever paid the thief planned on killing her.  Since the thief was just a kid, Renzoh decided to help her escape.  Before Renzoh can say more, Vigor Struk arrives.  Meanwhile, Aurra heads into Renzoh's office while Huijari heads to where Jango and Vigor are fighting.

Vigor is giving Jango a run for his money, and Renzoh flees the scene — only for Huijari, surprisingly, to kill him.  Jango calls Slave 1 to save him, and Aurra finds Huijari and tells him that the thief left Hallitron-7 on a commuter ship to Coruscant but the ship makes supply drops to the "remote mining colony of Roxuli," an excellent place to hide  On Slave 1, Jango is frustrated that he has no leads only for someone, presumably the thief, to send him a message to meet them on Roxuli.