** (two of five stars)
Favorite Quote: "An attack by costumed lunatics. Now this place officially feels like the Daily Bugle..." -- Robbie Robertson, as the Insect Army attacks
Summary
JJJ, Jr., JJJ, Sr., and Glory Grant are in a limo quickly trying to outrun Alistair Smythe's Insect Army. Smythe, who's hijacked the car's communications system, tells JJJ, Jr. that he's seeking "Old Testament vengeance" on him by going after his firstborn. Meanwhile, on the shuttle, Spidey tries to figure out a way to disarm the booster rockets while fending off the Scorpion. Spidey calls Avengers Mansion, getting Squirrel Girl, who's upset with him being rude to her while he asks her to send assistance. On the ground, Max Modell and the other Horizon Labs guy notice Smythe & Co. leaving the command center, and run towards it to see what they can do. The other guy wonders aloud where Peter is, and Modell wonders as well, noting to himself that Pete also missed the recent Spider-Man/Hobgoblin fight at the Labs. Spidey, who, as Pete, saw the shuttle schematics, maneuvers the Scorpion to take out the fuel-intake hatch, activating safety features, which activate the emergency-communications system, allowing the Horizon Labs guys to talk to John Jameson, who informs them the shuttle controls are dead. Meanwhile, Doc Ock, who, in the last arc, sent Chameleon into Andru Air Force Base to plant his octopus thingees, realizes with alarm that the shuttle is in danger of not achieving its mission, docking with the Horizon space station, which Ock wants to turn into the "Octahedral." Ock uses one of his thingees on the ship to fix the controls, and John fires the engines, detaching the booster just before they explode. Spidey and the Scorpion plummet to the Earth. Meanwhile, JJJ, Jr. celebrates John escaping, but Smythe reveals that he's sent operatives to both the "Daily Bugle" offices and the spa where Marla and Aunt May are relaxing, allowing the "boys" time to be alone. The New Avengers arrive just in time to save Spidey and fight off the Insect Army. JJJ, Jr. informs Spidey that Smythe has gone after the "Bugle" and Marla (and May), and the New Avengers split into teams. Luke Cage and the Iron Fist fight the Insect Army, Ms. Marvel and Jessica Jones defeat the operatives attacking the "Bugle," and the Thing and Mockingbird go with Spidey to the spa. Spidey realizes that all the Insect Army members have a version of his Spider-Sense, making them almost impossible to hit. He leaves the Thing and Mockingbird to go to Horizon Labs to create a Spider-Sense Jammer...only to run into Max who tells him they have to have a little talk about Spider-Man.
In the back-up feature, Spider-Man and Power Man head to the old site of City Hall, with Spidey reasoning that the Looter wanted the key because it unlocks something and, well, they should go to the old City Hall to, um, see what it unlocks. They (shocker) find the Looter there, who promptly takes down Power Man while Spidey takes down his goons. The Looter distracts the two heroes with a "dazzle gun" and then exposits that Abraham Lincoln was assassinated because he asked too many questions about the building, which 33rd-Degree Masons like David Provost (the mayor of New York City when it claimed the site), George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, and John Wilkes Booth were using to hide a meteor that contained interstellar vapors that could amplify the holder's powers. But, the meteor winds up being a shell housing some creature who then attacks the Looter. Power Man kills it (poor alien) and they arrest the Looter (or something).
The Review
I didn't hate this issue, but it wasn't great. In the past, I haven't held secondary features against the writer of the primary feature since, back in the day, I was tracking whose stories I liked more. I'm more focused on reviewing the whole issues now that we've moved to one principal writer, so I feel like I should include the secondary features as well. I hate the one in this issue, pulling down the rating, since I probably would've considered giving the issue a three otherwise. It's not to say, though, that the primary feature didn't have problems, as I note below.
The Good
1) Please give Otto the "Octahedral." Seriously, how cool would that be?
2) The Insect Army reveals continue to be interesting, with the woman attacking the "Bugle" revealing she used to be a reporter for the "Bugle" who JJJ, Jr. fired for forging a gang exposé that got her awarded a Pulitzer Prize (which was revoked after JJJ, Jr. revealed the truth). The Spider-Slayer has been kind of a tired concept, since Alistair Smythe is pretty much a one-trick pony, so the Insect Army really has injected some energy into it.
3) I liked the addition of the New Avengers here. It goes along with something I said with the appearance of the Avengers in the first issue of "Big Time:" Slott is giving us a complete reckoning of Spider-Man, including his side responsibilities. Few authors, particularly on primary books, take the time to acknowledge that the character appears in other books (Wolverine is a good example). It seems perfectly logical that Spidey would call the New Avengers for help when he's hanging off a rocket hurtling into space AND fighting the Scorpion at the same time. I don't want the book to become a constant Spidey/Avengers team-up series, but the appearances of both teams have made a lot of sense within the context of the plots at hand.
The Bad
1) OK, I'm not really sure why the Scorpion was sent on the side of the rocket. The Spider-Slayer sent him there, to quote Spidey, "on the off chance [Spidey would] hitch a ride." Really? I know that, in a way, Slott is winking at us with this comment, acknowledging the ridiculousness of the scenario. But, as I've said before, winking at the reader because your plot is ridiculous isn't the same as not giving the reader a ridiculous plot in the first place.
2) I'm torn about the fact that Modell seems to be onto Pete's connection to Spidey so easily. On one hand, it's a nod to the fact that the smartest guy on the planet would, of course, be able to quickly deduce Peter's secret identity, given that pretty much anyone who knows Peter should probably have been able to deduce it by now. But, it seems to be rushing a plot. It's like the first arc of "Glee" episodes from the first season, where everyone was gay and pregnant all at once. Pacing, people, pacing.
3) Speaking of pacing, it's a little odd in this issue. We begin where we left off the last issue, the cliff-hanger (or rocket-hanger) of Spidey facing the Scorpion on a runaway rocket. Spidey manages to save the shuttle, and he and the Scorpion fall to Earth. Sure, OK. The two are grappling when Ms. Marvel appears, knocks away the Scorpion, and then saves Spidey. Fine. But, then, we totally shift gears. The Scorpion is forgotten, and we move into the next phase of Smythe's plans, going after Marla and the "Daily Bugle." It's a somewhat abrupt shift, as we split up the team and see the scenes at the spa and the "Bugle." But, it gets weirder when we don't even focus on these scenes, and instead move quickly to the next one, which is Spidey going to Horizon Labs and having the confrontation with Max Modell. Slott just crams too much stuff here. If he had taken out the Modell sub-pot, he probably wouldn't have had to write the Insect Army as having their own Spider-Sense, which means Spidey wouldn't have had to flee the battle just as it began. The frenetic nature of the issue made it a little hard to follow and, as such, hard to enjoy.
4) I HATE VAN LENTE. I hate him. The secondary feature is absurd. Why would Spidey decide that, if the key unlocked something, it would be the old City Hall that existed when the key was first introduced? Why would the Masons actually just hand out the key if it were that important? Why did they never activate the alien that lived inside the meteor? Why, why, WHY?
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