Amazing Spider-Man #659: "Fantastic Voyage"

*** (three of five stars)

Favorite Quote:  "Zombie pirates?  Weird lights?  What is this, Scooby Doo?"  "Wait a..."  "It'd explain a lot, actually."  -- Franklin, Sue, and Spidey, on the road to an epiphany

Summary

The FF has returned to our time and dimension, discovering that the epicenter of the dimensional anomalies it's been chasing is somewhere in the Caribbean.  The Thing reflects on how, the last time the Fantastic Four were on the island, Johnny, Reed, and he were sent into the past by Dr. Doom to retrieve Blackbeard's treasure.  (Apparently, in "Fantastic Four" #3, Doom kidnapped Sue and sent the guys to get the treasure because he thought it had mystical powers.  They, for some reason, scattered it on the bottom of the sea after finding it.  I'm not really sure what they used in exchange for Sue, but, you know, whatever, it was the 1960s, I'll trust Stan figured out something.)  While recounting the story, the FF is attacked by villagers.  One villager steps forward, calming the others and informing the FF that the villagers have been being attacked by a sea creature, forcing them to send their women and children inland.  He also notes that a mountain...with a skull on it...has been emitting strange lights and sounds.  Meanwhile, Carlie overshares with her roller-derby teammates, giving us a recap of her bad relationship with men.  Back in the Caribbean, the FF makes its way to the creepy mountain, where it encounters zombie pirates.  (Srsly.)  At the Baxter Building, Valeria has created a tachyon pack that will stabilize the dimensional breaches and attached it to Dragon Man.  She's also determined that the rifts the FF had been combating have no natural connection, but someone wanted them to think they did.  Back in the creepy mountain, the FF discovers a portal surrounded by Blackbeard's gems, which a guy in an old-school diving suit tells the FF was created to summon Blackbeard.  In New York, Carlie -- now drunk with her teammates -- decides to get one of the Goblin gang-banger tattoos in order to annoy Peter, given his hatred of Norman Osborn.  The FF attempts to shut down the portal, and the Thing assumes the role of Blackbeard (which he apparently did in the original adventure) to convince the zombie pirates he's returned.  The zombie pirates attack him instead.  The FF kids arrive, and Valeria begins to explain that the problem with the portal is worse than the FF thinks.  The FF realizes it's been played, and the Sinister Six reveal themselves as the masterminds behind the scheme.

In the first back-up feature, we get a prelude to the upcoming "Infested" storyline, where we learn that Miles Warren (aka the Jackal) has been behind the deaths of bumblebee populations around the world and the infestation of bedbugs that has plagued Manhattan.  He's releasing a new group of bugs that promises...to do bad things.

In the second back-up feature, Spidey -- Spirit of Vengeance -- stops a mugging.  However, the Servicer is in pursuit and we -- creepily -- see Ghost Rider pop briefly from his torso to warn Spidey not to let him get the bike -- before purple-clawed demons pull him into the torso again.  (I told you it was creepy.)  The Servicer grabs the bike by the wheel with a chain, and Spidey decides to play chicken with him, hoping he'll release the bike.  Instead, Spidey runs the bike into him.  Ghost Rider appears, telling Spidey, "I told you...don't let him get the bike!"  The Servicer has now merged with the bike to become "some kinda mega monster motorbike" who appears to be after Ghost Rider and Spidey.

The Review

OK, this issue is pretty fun.  It's a little corny, but I can live with it, because it's at least better than last issue.  I think a FF-Sinister Six battle royale will be a good time, so I'm excited to see what happens next issue.  However, I'm also excited for us to return to some classic Spider stories after this arc concludes.  We've been really focused on team-ups and dramatic events over the last few issues, and I'd like us to return to some regular ol' Spidey stories.  How about some information about Kaine-Tarantula?    (Maybe we'll find out more about him given the return of the Jackal.)  What happened with the Black Cat?  I know Spidey stopped seeing her as a result of Peter dating Carlie, but I never feel like we really got closure on that front.  Can't they still be partners with sexy banter if they're not together?  What's happening with JJJ, Jr.?  He did, after all, order his Police Chief to assassinate someone extrajudicially.  Is there any additional fall out to the revelation, to Max Modell's mind, that Peter "works" for Spidey?  Slott has left a lot of loose ends dangling while he pursues this FF arc, and I hope we return to some of these stories once it ends.

The Good

1) Again, this issue is fun.  It reminds me of the Hobgoblin arc from "Big Time" that started off Slott's run, which is a good thing (though not quite as awesome).  We get to see some Peter/Thing banter and even some Reed/Sue banter.  (Reed and Sue's reactions to Peter and Ben's Blackbeard gambit were classic.)  It's a lighter story than we've seen in a while (after all the "why is everyone dying?" stories) and I appreciated the change in tone.  I feel like Slott does this sort of story really well, so let's hope he gives us a lot more of them.

2) Speaking of fun, I enjoyed the Ghost Rider back-up feature this issue (after feeling meh about it last issue).  Rob Williams has a good ear for Spidey's banter.  I particularly enjoyed his interaction with Ghost Rider after, you know, he was freed from inside the demon.  I hope he's going to do more of these "Marvel Team-Up" features because they could definitely be good fun.

The Bad

1) I'm sure all will be revealed at some point, but, I have to say, I'm a little confused why the Sinister Six would go through all the trouble of dressing as zombie pirates to lure the FF to the dimensional portal.  It all seems very 1960s "Batman" TV show.  (I mean, you even have a Skull Mountain!)  Are they going to put the FF members in an enormous tea cup with an enormous tea pot precariously perched over them, and then leave the scene assuming that the scalding hot water that will eventually pour on the FF as the tea pot continues to tilt will, in fact, be the end of them?  It seems like we're going there.

2) The Carlie turn of events feels extremely forced.  I get that Slott is telling a story about how Peter's Spidey-induced absence affects his relationship with Carlie.  However, when their sexy date was first interrupted by Carlie's ringing cell phone -- and not Peter's FF signal -- in issue #657, I thought Slott was creating some space, allowing Carlie and Pete's relationship time to develop before throwing us into the drama that we all knew would eventually come as Pete found it more and more difficult to hide his time as Spider-Man from Carlie.  However, Slott seems to have gone in the other direction entirely, having Carlie discover that Pete wasn't on a "business trip" as he claimed.  Somehow, this revelation has sent Carlie entirely into a tailspin, resulting in her drunkenly getting a tattoo of the monster who's tortured Peter's best friend for the last 20 or so years (which Carlie knows, since she's also Harry's friend).  Not only do I feel like Slott is rushing the drama, but I also don't buy Carlie's reaction.  She goes from in love to in tattoo in, what, 24 hours?  Also, I've said it before, and I'll say it again:  why did we have to go through "Brand New Day" if we're just going to wind up having the same "Peter, where were you last night?" stories?  What changed by having Peter go through these conversations with Carlie instead of Mary Jane?  All in all, Carlie's weirdness just injected what I felt was an unnecessarily dark and ominous tone to an otherwise fun read.