Amazing Spider-Man #661: "The Substitute"

* (one of five stars)

Summary

Sue, Ben, and Spidey interrupt Reed's class at FF HQ in order to go battle a gorilla-looking creature attacking a bridge.  Seeing Reed teach the class makes Peter nostalgic for his time as a substitute teacher, particularly given how excited the FF kids were about science.  Pete suggests he could stay behind to teach the class, but Reed tells him Alex Powers can handle it, since the kids can't afford "distractions."  Pete takes offense, but the conversation is interrupted by the aforementioned gorilla-looking creature attacking a bridge.  Reed realizes the creature is from the Microverse, and Giant-Man appears to help defeat the creature.  He informs the FF that he needs a substitute teacher for Avengers Academy for the next day and, after the Thing turns down the offer, Peter agrees to do it.  Later, Peter confides to Carlie that he's nervous, but she assures him he'll do fine.  In class ("Superhuman Ethics"), Peter's examples fall flat with the new generation, who don't worry about secret identities or go on dates.  The kids also question his decision to give up his "celebrity wrestling" career (and the popularity that came with it), since he could've used the money to help people just as much as he could by saving people as Spider-Man.  Eager to escape the situation, Peter takes the kids on patrol, where they defeat a group of thugs trying to mug someone.  The class is heavier-handed with the muggers than Spidey would've preferred.  He recognizes the muggers and observes that they're usually not violent, realizing that something is afoot.  On cue, Pscyho-Man appears, stoking the fear, hate, and doubt of the assembled group.  He exposits that he sent the gorilla-like creature into the regular universe to distract Reed and send him to the Microverse to investigate, since he was the only one who would recognize Psycho-Man's handiwork.  He announces that he's in the regular universe to charge his "anguish-batteries."  The kids attack as Psycho-Man manipulates their emotions, but Spidey manages to overcome it, since he knows he's not good enough, which isn't an excuse to stop fighting.  Spidey destroys Psycho-Man's tablet, but Psycho-Man infests the kids with hate and sets them to attack Spidey.

The Review

When Psycho Man appeared during "Peter Parker:  The Fantastic Spider-Man," I doubted we'd see him again.  Well, the good news is that I was wrong.  The bad news is that I really wish I had been right, because, OMG, this issue is terrible.

The Good

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The Bad

1) Why, exactly, did Reed think Peter would be a distraction?  It's like everyone suddenly forgot he's a genius.

2) "All core faculty members have other commitments tomorrow.  We're in dire need of a substitute."  Really?  My guess is that the Avengers Academy probably frequently has interruptions in the regular school day and that it's not exactly the kind of place where you're going to have consistently meticulous instruction even if, you know, Galactus is attacking.  As such, the whole premise of this arc just seemed ridiculous.  The substitute schtick was clearly just invented so that they could get Spider-Man into Avengers Academy and it's hard to get into a story when you don't buy the premise.  Moreover, the fact that no one thought of Spidey in the first place is, as Spidey himself notes, ridiculous given that he's on BOTH Avengers teams, a genius, and, unlike everyone else, a certified teacher.

3) We're often told how sharp Carlie is, so I'm surprised that Peter just tells her that he's going to act as a substitute teacher for special-needs kids the next day and she doesn't, at any point, raise an eyebrow.  I mean, people with full-time lab jobs, even if they have teaching certificates, generally don't just decide to substitute a special-needs class for the day.  Yet again, it's another example of a heavy-handed set-up, meant to show us Peter's anxiety about returning to the classroom.

4) Could Psycho-Man be a lamer villain?  I mean, seriously.  He's there to refuel his "anguish-batteries?"

5) Pete was a "celebrity wrestler" for about five minutes.  Stop trying to make it happen, Marvel.  You're worse than the fashion media and Pippa Middleton.

6) Spidey's monologue about overcoming adversity at the end was WAY too "After-School Special."  I found myself doing something I rarely do, which is skim the text boxes, because it was just too painful to read.  Are we all going to hold hands and sing inspirational songs when this arc is done?  Blech.

7) In the back-up feature (which didn't really merit its own recap), we see Spidey and the Thing battle Psycho-Man.  Is that foreshadowing?  Where are the kids?