New Comics!: The Avengers Edition

Avengers #23:  Argh.  Argh!  ARGH!  Seriously, I fucking hate this storyline.

Bendis seems to love nothing more than setting up the possibility of an Earth-shattering event happening in the next issue only to have that event be casually dismissed in the first few pages so that he can move onto the next Earth-shattering event that will get casually dismissed.  In this case, we ended last issue (and "New Avengers" #21) with the U.S. government seemingly turning against the Avengers and opening the door to the possibility of siding with Norman Osborn.  In this issue, a representative of the U.S. government (or, possibly the United Nations, given that Madame Hydra calls her "Madame Secretary-General") meets Madame Hydra outside H.A.M.M.E.R. headquarters with a telegraphic projector displaying the President.  Two things go terribly wrong in the following sequence:

First, I don't believe for a minute that H.A.M.M.E.R. would offer to become the U.S. government's peace-keeping force.  We're talking about an organization that encompasses organizations that seek to actively overthrow the existing world order.  Why in the world would they throw in their lot with the existing world order, even if it's just to try to introduce their new world order?  Moreover, even if Osborn was able to convince the disparate groups that comprise H.A.M.M.E.R. that it was in their best interests to follow his lead, why would they possibly think that the U.S. government would agree?  Does Bendis really want us to believe the President would surrender national security to a guy that the entire world now knows is a raving lunatic, simply to save the Avengers?  (I'll get to why Bendis apparently wants us to forget "Dark Reign" entirely in a minute.)  I think Bendis actually wants us to believe that Osborn would reveal his real plan once he successfully imbedded in the U.S. government, but, of course, he never makes that clear, because he confuses being intentionally obtuse with being unneccessarily vague.  Or, are we supposed to believe that Osborn never thought they'd buy the offer in the first place?  If so, I'm not sure what H.A.M.M.E.R. had to gain from that interaction.  Why even pretend?  Again, since Bendis hasn't even given us an inkling of Osborn's plan, it's impossible to know what exactly he and/or Madame Hydra sought to accomplish here.

Second, I'm also pretty sure that the President isn't dumb enough to think H.A.M.M.E.R. was actually unarmed during this whole interaction.  I mean, seriously?  You agree to meet OUTSIDE H.A.M.M.E.R. headquarters and you send, what, two battalions to take out the entire organization?  Does Bendis want us to believe that the government would really be that dumb?  Was the President really giving H.A.M.M.E.R. a chance to present its demands?  If so, what did he expect them to be?  Bring back "Freaks and Geeks?"  If he knew he wasn't going to meet his demands, why even bother?  I think we're supposed to believe that he thought he could successfully take down their organization with the troops he sent, but I just can't believe that.  But, I'm not sure what to believe, because Bendis doesn't really bother to tell me.

Things go slightly better in the scenes involving Quake liberating the Avengers.  Although, as X-Man noted on his blog, I think it's questionable that Osborn would've let the guy who arranged his holographic appearance at Avengers Mansion to live (or, at the very least, know where H.A.M.M.E.R.'s HQ was), thereby leading Quake to him, I'm not going to try to rehash old bad plot developments when I've got plenty of new bad plot development to hash.  We'll just leave it at the fact that Quake finds the HQ and shakes the building to its foundations.  The Avengers are able to flee, and Quake even gets a pretty funny moment with Spider-Woman.  The rest of the scenes involving the re-assembling Avengers are pretty great, particularly Rulk threatening to bite off Dr. Washington's head.  They're the only thing that got me through this issue.

But, Bendis still unnesseccarily complicates matters when he shows the end of "New Avengers" #21 here, with the U.S. government seizing Avengers Mansion.  Why would it do that?  Didn't it just basically decide to tell Norman Osborn to fuck himself?  Or, are we supposed to believe it's not really the U.S. government?  Again, Bendis provides no insight into these fairly logical questions.

Also, I still (still!) don't understand how anything happening here is any different than "Dark Reign."  Is it really all about Norman Osborn wanting back his old job?  It seems like it.  We seem to be really led to believe he thought that kidnapping the Avengers would result in the U.S. government turning over the keys to the U.S. national-security apparatus to him.    How are we supposed to believe that someone as allegedly brilliant as Osborn would think they would do that, after the events of "Siege?"  I mean, everyone knows he's a fucking lunatic thanks to "Siege," but Bendis seems to have deleted that part from his memory as he's shown all the public support of Osborn over the last few issues.  But, even if we're led to believe that everyone conveniently forgets that Osborn is nuts, we're still, at best, just rehashing "Dark Reign."  It's still Osborn trying to get his hands on the U.S. national-security apparaturs.  Nothing is different...except, this time, it's lest believable because he already tried it and everyone knows he's crazy.

At the end of the day, I'm over it.  I'm over Bendis and his fake tension and ridiculous plots.  Any cool moments (like the glowing-in-the-dark Avengers standing in the room with the glowing-in-the-dark Hand) are totally overshadowed by his unexplained plot devices.  If we weren't talking about the "Avengers" and Bendis weren't leaving this title, I would absolutely drop it without a second thought.

New Avengers #22:  [Sigh.]

First, let me get this part off my chest first:

The President did NOT ask "Captain America and the Avengers to report to local authorities."  The President knows that Captain America and the Avengers are currently being held hostage by H.A.M.M.E.R.  Similarly, the U.S. government does NOT want the New Avengers.  It wants Osborn in jail.  How the $&%^ can Bendis NOT be able to coordinate with HIMSELF?

[Sigh.]

We allegedly see Victoria Hand reveal that she is actually working for Captain America.  I don't buy it.  Or maybe I do.  But, either way, I can't say, at this point, I care.  Similary, I don't care if Skaar was also working for Cap or if Skaar is actually Banner in disguise.  I don't care about any of it.  I just please want this terrible, terrible storyline to end and Bendis to go ruin some other book, preferable one I don't read.