(zero of five stars)
Words can't describe how bad this issue is. I'm going to try, but I shouldn't, because, again, words are going to be insufficient. I believe the only other "zero of five stars" that I've given was to the "Lionheart of Avalon" story in "Avengers" #77-#82.
A Sort of Summary
If you're used to my exhaustive summaries of "Spider-Man 2099," you'll notice that I'm doing something a little different here. Raab and Kelly spend so little time on characterization that it's not really worth it to try to explain the inter-personal dynamics that occur throughout this issue: I spent most of it just trying to sort out the personae dramatis. As such, this "summary" is basically just a list of the various groupings that Raab and Kelly assemble. At the end, I try to give some explanation of the plot surrounding each grouping, but, in some cases, it's hard to tell.
In this issue, we've seven groupings of 30 characters (total):
- the Thing and his crew, on their mission to the Ares colony on Mars (5 characters: the Thing, Father Jennifer, "Twilight," "December," and "Smith")
- a group of pirates called the "Wild Boyz," working for a mysterious figure called the "Big Boss" (4 characters: "Shiv," "Trash," "Dorian," and "Spud," though I think some of these names may actually be synonyms for "dude" and not code names, per se)
- Xi'an and a group working on welcoming refugees to the Savage Land (5 characters: Xi'an, the Human Torch, "Eddie," "Mademoiselle" Strange, and Krystalin)
- Miguel and the various would-be leaders of the Savage Land (5 characters: Spider-Man, Morphine, Cerebra, Sue Richards, and an unidentified bald guy)
- Bloodhawk and a team trying to make the swamp inhabitable (I think) (4 characters: Bloodhawk, "Hodge", "Winn," and "Willow")
- La Lunatica and a few others working with Bloodhawk and his team (3 characters: La Lunatica, "Nostromo," and "Jade Ryuteki"),
- a pair of feral-like characters trolling the coast of the Savage Land, who seem to be ex-Wild Boyz and eventually join with Miguel to look for the Mistdweller (more on him in a minute) (2 characters: "Wulffie" and "Uproar")
- Dr. Strange and Mr. Fantastic, who are also in the mix.
We also have two seemingly new characters unique to this series: the aforementioned Mistdweller and the mysterious figure who invades the Thing's downed spaceship.
It's hard to say what the "plot" of this issue is. If I had to identify two main stories, it's the Mistdweller's escape from the Wild Boyz and his subsequent flight to the Savage Land to warn its inhabitants of the danger of the Phalanx and Mademoiselle Strange accidentally awakening the Phalanx from its slumber when she tries to help unearth some water. The two secondary stories are Spider-Man's departure from the Savage Land to find the "city in the mists" and its connection to the planetoid (and finding himself burdened with Wulffie and Uproar) and the "Fantastic Five" finally arriving at the Ares colony on Mars. I'm not really sure the point of the Bloodhawk/La Lunatica story, since they also seem to awaken the Phalanx in the same way that Strange does, but I'm guessing that it'll be clearer in subsequent issues.
The Review
Including "2099 Unlimited," the 2099 line had ten ongoing titles before this series launched. Unfortunately, Raab and Kelly ignore their responsibility to try to guide the reader as gently as possible into this new world, where the surviving characters of these ten series are all suddenly interacting. Of the 30 characters I listed in the above section, I didn't recognize 16 of them (they're the ones with names in quotes). I gather that most of them are from "X-Men 2099" and "X-Nation 2099," but, since it sounds like several members of X-Nation died recently, it seems unlikely that all 16 come from those series.
The problem is that I've read a pretty wide swatch of 2099 titles: if I don't recognize over half the characters in this issue, it's unlikely others would recognize anywhere near all 30 of them. Accordingly, the authors have got some sort of responsibility to help the reader get at least some sense of their loyalties. Instead, Raab and Kelly just dive right into the story that they're telling. Moreover, that story seems fairly advanced, making you feel like you've missed several issues, despite this issue being the first one of the series.
Disappointly, this story takes for granted the destruction of the previous status quo and the interruption of the various stories that the ongoing series were telling before the editorial mandate to throw eveyrone together in the Savage Land. It's jarring, to say the least. In the case of Spider-Man, we don't see him mourn the loss of both his parents (at the same time) or express concern over his missing family and friends. As a "Spider-Man 2099" reader, I'm curious about the fate of Gabe, Kasey, the Net Prophet, and Xina, not to mention Spidey's enemies like the Specialist, Venom, Venture, and the Vuture; it's hard to believe that Miguel wouldn't be. Moreover, we don't even see him comment on the fact that his identity no longer seems to be secret; we just jump right into the Phalanx. I'm sure readers of other 2099 ongoing titles have similar laments.
I also can't believe that we're left with as little of a clue as we are about the current status quo. The '90s were big on explanatory pages and inserts in comics, so I'm surprised that we don't get one here. For example, "Age of Apocalypse" had a map published in most (if not every) issues that showed the world as it was then; we could definitely use something similar, to give us a sense of the scope of the flood. Instead, Raab and Kelly barely mention the fact that some enormous percentage of the world's residents are presumably dead. You're left wondering if the Savage Land is really the only remaining inhabitable place on Earth or if the heroes won't eventually find other ones.
Moreover, the chaos surrounding the stories that Raab and Kelly are telling is not helped by the art team, as the penciler, five inkers, and the colorist struggle to display the nuance necessary to keep the 30 characters distinct. Almost all the women in this issue are blond (despite some characters, like Father Jennifer, previously being brunettes) and drawn so similarly that it's hard to differentiate them. (I kept thinking that Sue Richards was somehow on Mars and in the Savage Land at the same time.) Moreover, in at least one panel, the art team draws the wrong character: it's actually Cerebra who tells Uproad that they're following Miguel, not Wulffie (as it's supposed to be).
Ugh. I can't believe that we went from the heights of the Venom and Green Goblin stories in "Spider-Man 2099" to this storyline. It's hard to be excited about anything coming next.
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