** (two of five stars)
Summary
Main Story
Thirteen years ago, in 1962, but really 2001, Peter Parker is bitten by a radioactive spider. Before it died, it crawls onto the foot of a girl also attending the exhibition and bites her. (I know. If you rolled your eyes then, get ready for them to be tired by the end of the issue.)
In the present, the White Rabbit is leading a new group of super-villains called the Menagerie as they steal a stash of Fabergé eggs. Hippo and Panda(-mania) block the street as White Rabbit high tails it (get it? get it?) with the eggs. A guy carrying a baby is knocked to the ground, but Spidey grabs him with a Web-Line before he falls on top of his girl. Spidey then squirts Rabbit with some Web-Globs (eww) and webs up the basket of eggs before they hit the ground. A furious Hippo announces that he had planned on retiring from the proceeds of the job and picks up a car to hurl at Spidey. Spidey makes a crack about the eggs being his nest egg, and Hippo expresses frustration that Spidey isn't taking it seriously. One of the onlookers observes that Spidey is making jokes again ("Looks like we got our ol' Spidey back!") before they all discover that he's naked, wearing only a mask and a set of underwear made from webbing.
Four hours earlier, Peter announces to the press assembled outside Parker Industries that he didn't die in the attack on the building and that they're ready to return to work. A reporter asks a total set-up question about the Goblin targeting Peter because of his work with Spider-Man, and Peter stresses that he no longer designs tech for Spider-Man due to the Goblin "and similar" incidents. Aunt May expresses relief, and, after the press conference is over, Peter thanks Jay for coming to express a united front. Jay criticizes Peter for failing to take the enterprise seriously, saying that Sajani told him that he's been missing for weeks at a time. Jay asks what could be more important than his company, and Peter struggles for an answer, since he can't tell him that he was possessed by Doc Ock (and only just discovered that he actually owned a company). Peter pledges that he'll make Parker Industries his top priority, and Sajani tells him that she'll kill him if he doesn't. Pete privately expresses appreciation to Otto not only for making his Aunt May proud, but also for helping her walk again. Meanwhile, Anna Maria returns to their apartment, using a key that the super gave to her after she lost her purse when the Goblin kidnapped her. She plans to go to Parker Industries to see Peter and scours the house to find a spare key; instead, she finds the engagement ring that Otto planned to give her. (Hilariously, she also finds his written-out plan ("Phase One: Carriage ride in the park.") and proposal speech.)
On television, a reporter reviews the events of the previous few days, with Electro reducing Conway Penitentiary to rubble, the Avengers defeating the Goblin Army and the rogue "Goblin Slayers," and JJJ, Jr. resigning in an angry speech. At home watching the report, JJJ, Jr. throws a bottle of whiskey at the TV. He briefly frets that he's done, but, ever JJJ, Jr., he decided to return to the "Bugle." However, when the paper arrives at his door with the headline, "Mayor No More: Jameson Leaves the Office in Disgrace," he disowns it. At Parker Industries, Peter frets that he's not going to be able to figure out a way to complete Otto's roll-out project, nano-tech and cybernetic robots of "his" design. Pete contemplates trying to access Otto's memories, but pushes the thought from his mind. He asks some staff members to print out the specs for him to study, and, after they express surprise that he's talking to them directly, they jump to get them for him. Pete notes that the staff seems afraid of him, and Sajani confirms that, with approval. Sajani then leads Peter to his lab (and his robot butler), telling him that he's got to get rid of the various suits that he built for Spider-Man (including the "Ends of the Earth" suit, the white "FF" suit, the Tron/stealth suit, and the Superior Spider-Man suit, among others). Sajani leaves, and the butler asks how he can help him, addressing him as "Doctor." Pete responds that he isn't one, until he sees his diploma on the wall. He then decides to take his original suit for a spin. He's thrilled to be Web-Slinging again, pledging never to take it for granted. Along the way, he's a little taken aback by the angry response of the public to the sight of him, but he focuses on the positive, realizing that they'll support him again when he stops a few crooks.
On cue, an alarm sounds, and Spidey goes to investigate, passing the Black Cat watching him from the shadows. At the scene of the robbery, Rabbit orders Panda and Hippo to guard their flank. She addresses Gypsy Moth, who tells her that she goes by "Skein" now, despite Rabbit's disapproval because it throws off the animal motif. Spidey arrives, and Skein uses her powers over fabrics and threads to strip Spidey of his costume. He knocks her unconscious before she gets to his mask, and then webs up his privates. Onlookers take photos of him, and he begs them not to post them on social media, lest his family and friends see it. They do exactly that, with Spider-Woman telling Captain America that she's convinced that it's Peter again because such a thing could only happen to him. (Elsewhere, the Human Torch busts out laughing in his favorite bar, and Mary Jane simply calls him an idiot before closing her laptop.)
In the present, where we started, Spidey knocks Hippo unconscious and goes after Panda, catching her in a Web-Line. Spidey is then chastised by an older woman, telling him to put on some clothes. Pete asks if someone has a pen so he can write his usual, "Courtesy of Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man" note to put on the criminals, but the crowd just tells him to leave. He arrives home, contemplating the fact that everyone is mad at him, but reminds himself that it was at least his day again. He drops in the skylight and puts on some pants, only to discover Anna Maria on the couch. Peter panics, struggling to offer an explanation for her not seeing him enter through the front door. Anna Maria interrupts, showing him a photo of the almost-naked Spider-Man from the web. She asks why he never told her that he was Spider-Man. When he tries to dodge, she notes that three freckles under Spidey's belly button are the same as Peter's. Peter realizes that she and he, in Anna Maria's words, "have seen each other's freckles," and she asks what he has to say for himself.
Back-Up Stories
Electro goes to the Bar with No Name, where the various Hobgoblin-funded villains make fun of him for being Spidey's trained monkey (after the events of "Superior Spider-Man Team-Up" #5-#7). The bartender tells them to show him some respect, since he's the guy who freed hundreds of prisoners from the Raft. Later, Electro tries to do the same thing again to gain respect, going to Conway Penitentiary upstate, where the authorities relocated all the villains after they closed the Raft. However, his powers misfire, and, rather than blowing the electricity, he destroys the prison, killing a lot of prisoners. Electro stumbles from the rubble, blaming Spider-Man's experiments for his loss of control and swearing vengeance.
Similarly, the Black Cat reveals that she lost everything after Otto webbed her to a wall in "Superior Spider-Man" #20. The police arrested her and then searched her apartment, finding a fortune in "ill-gotten gains." Her society friends are forced to distance themselves from her, and Otto dismisses her as a "common criminal" and "not a particularly interesting one" to a reporter. One of the other prisoners is threatening to make her life hell just as Electro shorts out the electricity. Felicia tells the prisoners that her power is that she's lucky and people that she doesn't like aren't; just then, the ceiling of the other prisoner's cell collapses on her, and Felicia escapes. Later, we see her observing Peter, pledging to play with his life before she kills him.
A reporter in a news helicopter reports on police officers thwarting an armed robbery, but she's startled when Spider-Man 2099 flies by her helicopter (prompting her to hypothesize that he was the one to stop the robbery). Miguel glides through the buildings of Washington Heights, noting to himself that it was one of the fanciest areas of town in 2099, but now is "kinda crappy." His accelerated vision picks up a mugging, and he thinks about the robbery that he already just stopped and wonders if it was easier when he "didn't given a damn." Realizing that it's too late to change his mind about being a hero, he heads to the scene, where the victim -- a woman with pink hair -- maces one of the assailants. Another one smacks the mace from her hand and then pulls a gun on her. She dares him to shoot her, asking if he thinks that she's afraid of dying. However, Miguel webs up the gun and kicks the assailant. The third one pulls a gun on him, but Miguel grabs it, and knocks him and the maced-assailant unconscious. Miguel tells the victim to call the police, but she smacks him. She tells him that she didn't ask him to help and that he can wait for the police for an hour if he wants to call them. He then stares after her as she leaves.
Peter travels to Houston to find Kaine, and one of the Four Seasons' staff members tells him that Kaine turned into a giant monster. Peter is concerned, recognizing the "monster" as the Other, the spider-creature that Peter rejected but Kaine apparently accepted. Meland (!) then appears, walking with a cane, and asks if Peter is Kaine's brother, since he recognized his voice. Pete reluctantly says that he is and tells Meland that they had an argument and that he's worried that Kaine is going to go down the wrong path. Meland tells Peter that Kaine had so much anger at himself for never being the hero that Peter was that he never saw himself as a hero. Meland tells Peter Kaine's story -- including his confrontation with Kraven and saving Meland's life -- and frets that Kaine thinks of himself as a monster. Meland encourages him to talk to other people, and Peter does, leaving Houston feeling proud of Kaine for coming to Houston to escape being a hero, but putting on the costume and accepting the responsibility all the same.
A teenager named Clayton Cole -- "smart guy, star athlete, chess champion, spelling bee champion" -- narrates that he's going to be the first "billionaire/physicist/rockstar.' His mother asks what he wants to do with his free time the next day, and he tells her that he's going to a physics demonstration. However, he really wants to go see Crusher Hogan, but no one will go with him. He's there, with his smart-phone, to see Peter in his mask challenge Hogan. Clayton records the fight -- and Peter's first demonstration of his power -- and uploads it to YouTube. Clayton discovers that Peter is calling himself "Spider-Man" and is putting on a live show at the Ed Sullivan Theater. In line for the event, he tells everyone that he's the one to put the video on-line, and observes a thief (the thief) break into the theater. Clayton comments on it to the crowd, but the guy behind him refuses to save his spot for him to go find a cop, so Clayton stays in line. He's there for Spidey's appearance and his entire demonstration of his powers. Clayton is entranced, and he goes to Spidey to get an autograph. Without his mask, Peter's voice is normal, and Clayton realizes that he's a kid like him. Spidey tells him that no one's amazing like he is, but that anything's possible if he's lucky Spidey's manager tells him that he should save the autograph, because it's Spider-Man's first one. Contemplating Spidey's words that anything is possible, Clayton leaves the theater (as cops chase after the thief in the background). At home, he stars to make himself a mask...
The Review
My main problem with this issue is that Slott doesn't really seem to know where he's going in the post-Otto era. As expected, he pretty much just waves his hand and has everyone forget about Peter and Spidey's odd behavior over the last few months. The public hears the quips and believes that it's Spidey, Spider-Woman sees his bad luck and realizes that it's Parker, and Peter assures his family and friends that he's returned to normal and they believe him. A thirty-one issue series seemingly erased in one issue. So much for a lasting legacy.
However, Slott has a number of situations on deck that implies that Peter is going to be dealing with the problems that Otto left him for a long time, even if his identity issues are more or less magically resolved. To wit, we've got Ana Maria discovering Spidey's identity, Electro blaming his disastrous prison-break attempt on Spidey's tinkering with his brain, and Black Cat wanting to toy with Spidey for a while before she kills him for putting her in prison. None of these issues seem to have an easy exit for Peter.
As a result, we have a discordant narrative, where Slott rushes to establish that the most important aspects of Peter's life -- the faith of his family, friends, and, more or less, the public -- have returned to normal, but drags on some sub-plots that weren't even sub-plots until this issue. Essentially, Slott has to decide what he wants to do: is Otto's legacy going to cast a long shadow over this series, or are we putting Otto's time behind the mask in the memory hole? Splitting the difference leads us to the same problem that "Superior Spider-Man" had at the start, where Otto was in charge but Peter appeared as a ghost in the machine. It didn't work then and it doesn't work now.
The Good
The story with Clayton Cole was the best part of this issue (and the only reason that I'm giving it two stars). Slott does a great job of updating Spidey's origin, giving it a New 52! feel that the New 52! itself didn't manage. Slott doesn't change anything about Peter's origin; he merely brings it into the 21st century, something long overdue. He reveals that Peter got his powers in 2001 in the short vignette that kicks off this issue, and the Clayton story incorporates smartphones and YouTube into the origin. Moreover, Slott manages to work in a twist, similar to Snyder revealing that Bruce was the reason why his parents and he were at the "Mask of Zorro" that fateful night in "Batman" #26. Here, we discover that Clayton could've actually stopped the thief that later killed Uncle Ben, but didn't want to lose his chance to see Spider-Man. In a way, it makes Spider-Man (and not just Peter) at least partially (if inadvertently) guilty for Uncle Ben's death. If Slott manages to tell these sorts of stories in these .1 issues -- where he changes nothing significant, but helps to bring Peter's origin story into the modern era and give it more depth than Lee was able to manage in 1962 -- I'll be a happy camper.
The Unknown
1) Slott opens this new era of Spider-Man with the revelation that the radioactive spider bit someone else on the day that it bit Peter, presumably giving her Spider-Powers as well. It's obviously an open question where Slott is going to go with this one; given the preview covers included in the back pages, we'll hear more about this subject in issue #5 at least, meaning that Slott certainly plans on it being part of the first few arcs of the relaunched series. Interestingly, we have a good chance of knowing the girl's identity since the exhibit that day was arranged, I believe, specifically for Peter's class at Midtown High School. At the the very least, Peter himself should know who she is. (Liz, maybe?)
2) JJJ, Jr. is giving to hysterics, but you have to wonder where Slott is going with him. His repeated swearing that the "Bugle" staff is dead to him makes me wonder if JJJ, Jr. is going to start acting on those impulses and finally stop hiring people to be super-villains for him, taking up the mantle on his own.
3) Why does Mary Jane watch the news in the park? How exactly does she get wi-fi there? (Seriously, how weird was that scene?)
The Unsure
I'm glad Peter is back. I am. Really. But, I find myself struggling to figure out why Slott decided to celebrate his return by humiliating Peter. We're not just talking about him having to swing through town in a Fantastic Four uniform with a paper bag over his head; we're talking about him being so exposed that Anna Maria can recognize intimate parts of his anatomy over the web. Moreover, Pete sort of doubles-down on it, deciding to write a "Courtesy of..." note instead of returning home to put on some clothes. Does Slott really want us to believe that? He seems to be turning back the clock decades in terms of the portrayal of Peter. The whole point of "Big Time" seemed to be that Peter was finally acting like an adult. It's why I loved Slott in the first place. Peter was becoming the man that we all hoped that he'd become, applying himself in ways that seemed obvious in retrospect. But, we seem to be jettisoning that now. I hope that it's not true and that Slott is just using it as a way to underline that the humor has returned. But, color me concerned.
The Bad
1) Slott goes the route that I thought that he would go here, with everyone just assuming that Spider-Man has returned since he's making quips again. It's incredibly lazy writing. On some level, I don't care how lazy it is. Anything that helps put the Otto era of Spider-Man behind us as quickly as possible is good in my book. But, I can't really give him credit for that, so I'm putting it in the "Bad" column. Speaking of trying to wrap up the Otto era...
2) ...Anna Maria needs to go away now. Does anyone believe that she's still going to be a major character in ten issues? 20? I'm not sure if we really have anything even remotely interesting about her now that she's no longer the vehicle for proving that Otto was a person, too. Let's just break her heart and let her leave with some dignity.
The Very Bad
1) I don't buy the Felicia story for a minute. She's been a thief for her entire career, but no one ever previously got a warrant to search her apartment? To be fair, the open secret of her identity and the failure of law enforcement to do anything about it is certainly ridiculous. But, it's also ridiculous that no one noticed that Peter Parker has the same build and voice as Spider-Man, particularly given the close association that they've had recently in the press with the revelation that Peter builds his technology. You've got to build in some willful suspension of disbelief. You could actually argue that Felicia has been "lucky" due to her powers. However, Slott doesn't even try to explain why her luck didn't save her from Spider-Man. (Conveniently, it does help her to escape prison once Electro destroyed it.) Instead, Spidey just randomly webs her to a wall and the cops decide to search her apartment? Was she even doing anything criminal at the time? Moreover, even when she comes at him, can't he just explain that Otto possessed him? It seems like a pretty basic explanation.
2) I normally like Ramos' work, but this issue has all sorts of weird moments. First, the cover is just terrible, given the ridiculous position that we see Peter strike. (Conversely, the Marcos Martin and Jerome Opeña covers are awesome.) Moreover, the boobs are insane. Panda shouldn't be able to stand upright with the boobs that Ramos gives her, and Mary Jane looks like she's going to explode from her shirt in the park scene. Finally, on the last page, Peter's forearm is somehow almost as long as his leg. I just don't know what happened here.
3) So, Peter is going to need to access Otto's memories, and then Otto is going to return, and, OMG, can this story please just fucking end?
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