Wednesday, March 25, 2020

Not-Even-Remotely-New Comics: The May 1 Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Age of X-Man:  Prisoner X #3:  One of the major questions -- actually, the major question -- running through this event is who, exactly, is pulling the strings behind the scenes.  Who dispatches Fred and the X-Tremists on missions?  Who gives orders to Force and the Danger Room?  We've always assumed that it was X-Man, but, given Bishop's conversation with Legion in this issue, maybe it's Legion?  Wouldn't that be a twist?  At the very least, this series has kept this mystery at its core unlike the other series, which continue to get lost in attempts to make it seem like it's all really the new status quo and isn't going to be undone in a month or so.

Batman #70:  I feel like I'm waiting for someone to give me permission to stop reading this series.  I mean, I just cannot fucking take another non sequitur poem.  Amazingly, King plummets even lower here, employing the most boring cliché of all Batman stories:  the assault on Arkham.  Bruce finally awakens here, and he makes a mad dash through Arkham, laughing at Bane thinking his nightmare experience has broken him.  King uses an off-panel conversation between Bane and the Ventriloquist to show that Bruce is doing exactly what Bane wants him to do, and the hysterical tinge of Bruce's voice implies that he might not be as with it as he thinks that he is.  But, it still doesn't mean that it isn't ridiculous that Bruce is able to defeat the Riddler, Killer Croc, Hush, Zsazz, Man-Bat, the Flamingo, Mr. Freeze, Scarecrow, Amygdala, Solomon Grundy, Two-Face, and several other characters whom I didn't recognize in one fell run.  It's clear that he barely even works up a sweat.  Why read a Batman comic if he's so powerful?  He's essentially Superman here.  The worst part is that we're nowhere near close to the final confrontation with Bane and Thomas Wayne, making you wonder just how long King is going to leave us hanging here.  [Sigh.]  This whole experience feels like penance, though I'm not sure what my sin was.

Star Wars #65:  The exciting part of this arc is that Gillen continues to surprise us with how badly Leia's plan is going.  At the start, it seemed like she and the guys were just going to waltz through Shu-Torun with ease.  Sure, the SCAR Squadron guys might get off Hubin and arrive at the last minute to make matters interesting, but it seemed beyond a doubt that Leia was going to get her revenge (no matter how much she claimed that she wasn't trying to get revenge).  But, Gillen is making it a lot more difficult than it usually is for heroes.  Trios decides to jeopardize the lives of everyone stuck in the auditorium with her in order to allow her and her elite guard to break free.  Sure, she possibly condemned Shu-Torun's nobility to a fiery, painful death, but she understands that Leia is playing for keeps.  (In fact, she intuitively understands it better than Leia does, since the Partisans' attempt to destroy Shu-Torun is something Leia missed entirely as a possibility.)  Moreover, SCAR Squadron gets in touch with the Empire more quickly than I thought it would, resulting in Commander Kanchar bringing his ship to Shu-Torun for his version of fun.  I can actually see a scenario where Leia and Trios have to work together to save Shu-Torun from the Partisans, a possibility that just shows how complex of a tale Gillen is weaving here.

Uncanny X-Men #17:  I don't understand how this issue goes so completely off the rails so quickly.  Sure, this series has occasionally had some dips in the quality of its dialogue, but Rosenberg has generally been pretty good about the consistency of his characterization.  But, everything goes out the window here.

First, we're supposed to believe that four frat boys beat Rahne to death because Rahne didn't fight back.  I'm sorry, what?  Rosenberg portrays Rahne as suicidal in her refusal to use her powers after she initially attacks one of the boys in a rage.  Rosenberg seems to want us to ignore the fact that Rahne has been in this game since she was a pre-teen.  We're supposed to believe that she can't control her powers enough to safely put down four frat boys?  Also, these frat boys are clearly sociopaths because when Wolverine finds them (with the help of Kwannon) they're just playing video games.  Really?  They just blithely kill a girl and decide, cool, let's go play "Fortnite?"

Then, we've got Karma reciting this ridiculous list of dead X-Men at Rahne's funeral, as if anyone really believes they're dead?  Given the X-Men's history, almost all of the X-Men inexplicably disappeared and no one even paused to consider if there is more than meets the eye here?  We're really just supposed to believe that they all believe all their friends are dead?  Shouldn't they be a little more despondent?  Shouldn't they just be drinking whiskey and crying all the time?  

Then, we've got Scott so mad at Logan for skipping Rahne's funeral that he unilaterally evicts him from the team even though, as Logan himself notes, he's not the team leader anymore.  They're a democracy.  Also, it's not like Scott was really "there" for the team as he claims that Logan should've been.  He starts the service by announcing that the doesn't know what he should say and just turns over the podium to anyone who wants to say something.  Inspiring leadership, Scotty.  

Then, we've got Logan being all inexplicably emotional, saying that he and Scott keep sending kids to die.  Again, Rahne was a grown-ass woman.  If anything, Logan not stopping her from leaving the team was probably a good decision in terms of her safety, since she had a better chance of surviving when she wasn't getting hunted as a member of an outcast mutant outfit.  How was he to know she'd go all suicidal?

Honestly, this issue is just the fucking worst.

Also Read:  Amazing Spider-Man #20.HU; Marvel Team-Up #2; Spider-Gwen:  Ghost Spider #8; Star Wars:  Age of Rebellion - Han Solo #1; Transformers #4; War of the Realms #3; War of the Realms:  Strikeforce - The Dark Elf Realm #1

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