Thursday, April 23, 2020

Not-Even-Remotely-New Comics: The September 4 Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Die #7:  This issue is a return to form after last issue, as Gillen throws a lot at us without getting lost in the details.

Izzy writes in a journal as she wallows in guilt over the situation in which she, Chuck, and the Glass Town refugees find themselves.  Apparently, when she asked the Skywatcher to "get us out of here?" in issue #5, it deposited them on the opposite side of Die, in a desert called the Expense in the Realm of Three.  (Gods are always so literal, she complains.)  Chuck arrives in her tent and throws her journal in piss-soaked sand, telling her that she should be a professional and only write for money.  Enraged, she asks Mistress Woe to teach him a lesson:  after all, she already owes all the gods so much for giving her the gifts that she needs to keep the Glass Town refugees alive in the middle of a desert, she might as well enjoy the debt.  Chuck later drinks with some dwarves and mistakes his hangover the next day as his lesson.  As they all march through the desert, he spies an oasis where he leads the refugees.  Izzy worries that it's a trap and asks Mistress Woe as much.  She denies making the place as one of the dwarves comments that it looks like a mighty impact broke the ground, bringing forth the water.  (Uh oh.)

As the refugees enjoy the water, the Chamberlain pulls the "paragons" aside and basically threatens to expose their manipulation of him.  However, Izzy observes that the enraged refugees would likely kill him, too.  Izzy tells him and Chuck that she's approached a possible patron about providing assistance just as a large group of strangers arrives.  Tellingly, the Chamberlain asks if it's her patron, and Izzy responds, "Dusk?  It's too early."  As they wait, Izzy informs Chuck that her patron is Zamorna of Angria.  The False Friend (I assume one of the gods) has briefed her that Zamorna was deposed when Sol became Grandmaster and he's hiding in Gondol now.  Meanwhile, the large group arrives.  It's a group of elves led by the actual Elf Queen (not the Fallen One whom they previously encountered).  She informs Chuck and Izzy that they're there for water, because they've been driven from their homeland, the Dreaming Lands.  As everyone camps for the night, a Titan appears.  It turns out Mistress Woe at least indirectly created the oasis; she sent the Titan to break the land to teach Chuck a lesson.  Chuck successfully kills it and everyone parties.

During the party, Izzy apologizes to Chuck, and he blows off the apology.  When she's mad at him for doing so, he reminds her that he has to joke with her, because if he lets anything touch him then his luck goes and they'd be fucked.  He literally has to look on the bright side to keep them alive.  He later sleeps with the Elf Queen (fulfilling his original goal) and tells her about his ex-wives, how he kept trading up each time he got more successful.  The Elf Queen tells him that he's lonely and wonders if he talks to her because she's wise.  He says that it's because she isn't real.  After she leaves, Mistress Woe asks him about whether he really thinks that she isn't real, and he responds with a comment about implants:  they're real, but are they real real?  He notes that he doesn't even know what "real" means at this point.  He tells her about a great party in London that he attended one night, "a sort of real human connection evening."  Later, he found out everyone left after he left; they were only there for him because he was famous.  This moment is perhaps Gillen's most insightful in an already heavily insightful issue.  He gets to the heart of human relationships here:  it all starts going downhill once you feel like you can't have a "real" relationship, as we see with Chuck.  He then pees blood, and Mistress Woe wonders if he learns his lesson there.  (I'm not sure what that means exactly.  Does Chuck have an STD?  Maybe?)  At any rate, Zamorna arrives.  He looks exactly like Kit Harrington, and we learn that he and Izzy were in an unconsummated love affair.  We also learn that he's a vampire, which Chuck and Izzy already know.  The issue ends with him commenting, "After all, we're all monsters here."

Along the way, Gillen is as witty as ever.  At one point, Chuck explains that his second wife left him when he accidentally tweeted and not DMed a girl; the dwarves ask what Twitter is, and Chuck explains that it's a "place devoid of any sentient life, entirely hostile to humanity."  In other words, "A lot like here, really."  Moreover, Chuck and others frequently break the Fourth Wall throughout the issue.  When the dwarves tell Sol that they fled to Glass Town for similar reasons, he comments, "You two have a backstory?  I thought you were kind of one-note characters."  When Chuck talks about his ex-wives and the Elf Queen, he mentions their charisma scores.  When Izzy uses old-timey language with Zamorna, he comments, "You don't need to treat me like one of those characters.  I'm better written than that."

In other words, it's an incredibly dense and rewarding issue.  If last issue felt like Gillen skimmed on top of a story that could've been more meaningful if approached in a different way, he dives deep into Chuck and Izzy's psyches here, pulling you into the story in a way that makes you forget the world around you.  As he alludes to Ash trying to make an alliance with "his boy" in Angria, Zamorna also reminds us how they're all scrambling to be adults in an adolescent world, just like we all are.

House of X #4:  It's clear from the death of Archangel (and, to a lesser extent, Husk) that Hickman isn't going to let his death stand.  By the end of the issue, as he's killed off Monet, Mystique, Nightcrawler, Wolverine, Cyclops, and Jean Grey, it's clear that they'll all return.  I know that Professor X somehow uses Krakoa to resurrect them since, after all, I'm reading this issue seven months late.  But, Hickman somehow still manages to infuse this issue with emotion and heart.  Whereas I often read an issue with a "shocking" death (I'm looking at you, Alfred) with little more than an eye roll at this point, Hickman makes it clear from the start that these deaths are going to move us to the next phase of the story.  They're not "shocking" for shocking's safe.  It more feels like we've ended the first act.

In terms of the plot itself, the team succeeds in its mission.  Despite the loss of Archangel and Husk, the team hits the ground running, with Logan and Nightcrawler unlocking two of Mother Mold's collars almost immediately.  Omega rouses Dr. Gregor by stressing that she can't just wail on the floor if she wants her husband's death to mean something while the station's acting security chief sends a team to board the ship, where Monet is amplifying Jean's powers so she can communicate with Krakoa.  Monet shoves Jean into an escape pod and, when Jean notes that she needs Monet's power to reach Earth, Monet hilariously quips, "I dunno what to say, Marvel Girl.  Try harder."  Oh, Jean, you always were a whiner.  Meanwhile, Scott shuts down his collar, but before Mystique can shut down her collar Dr. Gregor opens a door that sucks her into space.

In perhaps the best sequence so far in this series, Scott broken-heartedly authorizes Nightcrawler to teleport Logan onto the support beam itself where Logan can manually cut the collar.  Laraz and Garcia have been amazing so far throughout this series, but they're spectacular here.  You feel like you're on the beam with Logan, basking in the heat of the brilliant sun behind you.  Kurt dissipates immediately but Logan manages to cut the beam, as he and Mother Mold ride into the Sun.  (It's a fitting end for Logan, honestly, in its Dr. Strangelove way.)  Moreover, the scene before their sacrifice is also great, as Logan asks about the afterlife and Nightcrawler assures Logan that he'll see him there, in the good place.  Again, it's this entire sequence that makes you really believe what Hickman's selling here, that the X-Men believe that they're sacrificing themselves even if we know that they're not.

Devastated and exhausted, Scott makes his way to Jean, with a plan to jump into the escape pod via an EVA suit and use his powers to push them into an escape vector.  But, Omega and Dr. Gregor intercept him on the way, killing him.  But, we learn that Scott's mission was doomed anyway as the drones that Dr. Gregor recalled from Mercury arrive, killing a terrified Jean who's still reeling from the deaths of her friends.  On Earth, a devastated Professor X pledges, "No more."  In other words, away we go.

Star Wars #71:  I always love a good Threepio-based story, and this one didn't disappoint. The Kakrans recognizing Threepio as metal and thus calling him "Cousin Ore!" was remarkably clever.  But, Pak goes one step further by making one of the Elders root around Threepio's memories to show him iconic moments from the movies and the comics where "the flesh" abandoned him or Artoo, which the Elders insist the flesh will always do.  I could totally hear in my head Threepio saying, "Well now, that seems like a bit of a broad brush--."  When the Kakrans impressed Threepio into service as a translator and Darth Vader entered the room, I was surprised and thrilled.  Threepio versus Vader!  The Han and Leia story also didn't disappoint.  First, you have Leia sneak-attacking Dar and yelling, "Don't just stand there, Han!," as Han, well, just stands there.  But, Pak doesn't just make Dar a turncoat.  Dar's right that bringing the Empire to Lanz Carpo will hurt a lot of people, since the Empire will likely set up shop there to keep it under control.  So, Dar quite reasonably argues that Han and Leia should instead trick Boss Carpo into attacking the Empire (instead of tricking the Empire into thinking he's supporting the Rebellion).  This ploy somehow results in Han and Leia slow dancing at a ball.  I mean, how much better can you get?

Also Read:  Alpha Flight:  True North #1; Conan The Barbarian #9

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