Six-Month-Old Comics: The August 10 Big Two Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

A.X.E.:  Judgment Day #2:  OK, we have a lot going on here.  

I'll say upfront that you probably need to read this event's tie-in issues to enjoy it fully.  Gillen is really just hitting the main developments in this issue, leaving the details and drama to the tie-in issues.  As such, it reads almost like a bulleted presentation rather than a complete story.

The new "god" Ajak and her team are trying to create narrates the issue, starting with six humans living around the world and their thoughts as the war between the Eternals and X-Men begins.  It seems random, but the "god" exhorts us to remember that "everyone is important."

Meanwhile, the Hex - six separate Eternals, as the introduction page informs us - attack Krakoa, and the Avengers arrive to help.   Exodus wants them removed from Krakoa but thankfully Cyclops and Magik aren't insane and welcome them.  Cap informs Scott that Iron Man is working on a "peaceful" solution, which, honestly, would probably worry me if I were Scott given Tony's track record.  Scott sends him after the Hex while he and the other mutants protect the resurrection protocols.  Cap takes a shot at Scott here, criticizing him for keeping secrets "after everything we've been through."  Scott gives exactly the response I would:  "After everything?  How could we [not]?"

The Hex's assault on Krakoa takes its toll on Earth's mantle and causes disasters throughout the world.  Cyclops dispatches the Avengers to deal with the fallout.  Exodus interprets their departure as the Avengers abandoning them, and Destiny cryptically notes that it's an accurate portrayal, because she's seen the future and remembers the past.  (The "god" muses:  "Do we stand alone?  We will see.")

Meanwhile, we get a dense splash page of all the efforts Ajak and her team are putting into creating the "god."  Along the way, Gillen refers to a series of past events that I had to Google to appreciate.  First, Tony excavates Arishem the Judge's "thumbprint of justice" from London where Arishem fell after the Dark Celestials killed him in Aaron's run on "Avengers (2018)," which I remembered not at all.  I also didn't remember Sinister turning the Dreaming Celestial into a version of himself in "Uncanny X-Men (2012)," though he sifts through the debris and finds "a shattered fragment of the heart of a dream."  Odin apparently fought a war against the Celestials, which I'm pretty sure I didn't read, and Makarri combs through the body of the Destroyer, which Odin forged as his weapon, to scavenge "tiny fragments of this absolute power."  Sersei gathers the Eternals who oppose Druig and head to Lemur to perform a séance in order to gather stories from Deviants who the Celestials previously murdered.  Finally, in a move that I'm sure will make Tony insufferable, they use his body as a template for the "god," because his body remembers when "he piloted a dead Celestial when a king wreathed in black ruled the Earth."

Back on Krakoa, Exodus sacrifices himself to take out Syne the Memotaur, leaving five Hex left.  The (Krakoa) Five are working overtime in Arbor Magna to bring back warriors (for the moment putting aside the 15 million Arakkii killed who aren't warriors), and Exodus re-joins the fray.  Syne does as well, resulting in one of the humans we saw on the first page dying since it's the way that the Eternals resurrect themselves.  Syne hurls herself at Krakoa, intending to destroy the island.  The mutants realize that they can't evacuate everyone quickly enough and, if they move to stop Syne, the other five Hex members are free to go after Arbor Magna.

Deliverance comes in the form of the "god" who awakens and calls off the Eternals.  However, it goes a little differently than Ajax planned, as the "god" decrees that he will judge everyone on Earth and -paging the first page - "if there is more that is just than wicked" he'll spare Earth.  If not?  It isn't great, folks.

Amazing Spider-Man #7:  For all last issue's billing that this issue is the biggest change in Spidery's status quo ever, nothing happens here.  Seriously.

Sure, it looks like Peter's going to accept Norman's offer to work for him.  After all, he could use Norman's tech after the Vulture exploits Spidey's most obvious weakness:  attacking him mid-air and destroying his Web-Shooters so that he can't stop his freefall.  (I can't remember anyone ever doing that, surprisingly.  How is the Vulture the first one to think of it?)  But Peter doesn't actually take the offer here.

In fact, Peter storms from Norman's office after he sets up an "accidental" meeting between MJ and Peter.  It sounds like MJ is the step-mom to the kids who we've previously seen, though Wells doesn't confirm that.  If you're wondering, MJ is at Oscorp to have Norman run tests on the Krakoa medicines (smart) after she agreed to help the mutants as a brand ambassador.  Weirdly Paul is there as well.  Does he accompany her on all her work meetings?  That's starting to feel creepy.

I should mention that the Vulture attacks Peter because he's convinced that Spidey told his granddaughter about all his murders, even though she could've just, you know, Googled it.  (Weirdly, someone did tell her, but I still don't get why we're supposed to believe that she never knew her grandfather - the Vulture - killed people.)

[Sigh.]  I've loved Wells work on Spidey, but this run is starting to feel like another Spencer run, where the signs are there early that it isn't going well.  I hope I'm wrong.

Captain America:  Sentinel of Liberty #3:  I'm intrigued by where Lanzing and Kelly are going here.  Right now, they're walking the fine line between conspiracy and ridiculous, and we'll see if they manage to stay on the beam.

The Outer Circle sends a creature called Redacted after Steve to wipe him from history. The fact that the Outer Circle believes that it could wipe Steve Rogers from history shows how powerful its members think they are.  Steve defeats the creature but strikes a pipe that spews lava along the way.  Realizing that the Forge isn't just a green-power plant, he travels through the complex, discovering an "honest-to-God volcano lair."  (He hilariously remarks to himself that Bucky will be mad he missed it.)

In the lair, he sees an imprint of his shield and puts the shield into it, unveiling a recording.  The man on the recording informs Steve that he built his shield at this vibranium-alloy forge.  In order to get the Outer Circle's secret symbol into the public domain, he put fit on the shield - an outer circle, two inner circles "that obey," and the star for their super-soldier (i.e., Steve).  The man doesn't explain why the Outer Circle built the shield for the United States (and thus Steve), but I'm sure we'll get there.  A holographic woman with tentacles emerging from her back named the Machine appears and detonates the Forge, which Steve survives by amazingly using the shield to surf the lava.  (It could've been hokey, but Carnero really sells it.)

Meanwhile, in Madripoor, Peggy takes offense at Bucky implying that she's been part of a shadowy conspiracy for a long time.  He notes several missions that she led that, mission by mission, resulted in the consolidation of power in an increasingly smaller circle.  For example, she and Bucky rescued two men in 1944, one of whom created V.X. nerve gas.  The United States later traded nukes to the U.K. for the gas, altering the global balance of power.  In 1972, Peggy apparently took down the Darkstar oil cartel in Yemen, allowing OPEC to impose the 1973 oil embargo and plunge the world into a three-year recession.  As we've seen, she and the Daughters of Liberty just took down the Power Elite, leading to a series of shell companies securing all their assets.  Peggy refuses to admit that she's either a patsy or working for them, though it's got to be one or the other. 

I loved this entire exchange between Bucky and Peggy.  Peggy is so often portrayed as possessing Mary Sue levels of superhumanly brilliant and capable.  I loved watching her either panicking at the idea that she's been played or at the idea that Bucky - who she clearly doesn't respect - caught her lie.

As I said, we're close to ridiculous, but we're not there.  So long as Lanzing and Kelly stay on this side of ridiculous, this story is a quintessentially Cap one.

Star Wars:  Bounty Hunters #26:  Oof, this issue is tough.

Sacks addresses a question that I've had since T'onga functionally took over this series, namely why she thought Cadeliah would trust her when she found her.  T'onga comes face to face with Cadeliah here and Cadeliah tells T'onga that she trusts no one.  After all, Nakano Lash died, Valence ditched her at the first opportunity, and the Empire killed Valance's ex-girlfriend and her husband:  she doesn't have a great record of caretakers.  Cadeliah points out she first met T'onga when T'onga came to kill Lash, and you would've thought after all this time T'onga had workshopped a better response than, "I've grown since then."

T'onga and her crew have impressed Qi'ra, though, by getting so far into her citadel so Qi'ra offers her a contract.  But it isn't exactly a happy ending.  An animal-loving Vukorah is appalled when she has to kill Furball, explaining to Losha that her surrogate father killed her tooka cat in front of her to stress that she couldn't afford attachments.  A devastated Losha threatens to kill Vukorah the next time they meet.  It goes from bad to worse for Vukorah as she overhears Qi'ra's plan to install Cadeliah at the head of the Mourner's Wail and the Unbroken Clan, despite her promise that Vukorah would head the Clan.  Vukorah flees in anguish, a scene matched in its sadness on Tonga's ship when T'onga finds a devastated Losha weeping over Fireball's body asking whether it was all for nothing.

Along the way, Tasu thrashes Dengar and tells him that he's going to kill him one day, and Haydenn makes a pass at Valance who rejects her.  In other words, the bounty hunters aren't doing so well, y'all.

Star Wars:  Han Solo & Chewbacca #5:  Not all that surprisingly, it turns out Han's "dad" isn't his dad but a criminal named Corpus Tyra.  (Or maybe his dad became Tyra?)  Tyra learned that Jabba hired Han to retrieve the MacGuffin...I mean, urn...from a "Kajain'sa'nikto" named Vizam.  Marshal Vancto learned about Vizam from Bib Fortuna and successfully finds Tyra at some sort of Imperial base on Iakar.  (Notably, Tyra doesn't obviously have the urn here.)  

Meanwhile, Chewie and Han are saved on Mollo Tanka by Khel Tanna and her crew and Greedo.  Han informs them that he wasn't sold that his "dad" was his dad, so he put a tracker on him.  They follow it to Paqualis III, where the Benelux Marshal Service Headquarters is located.  They manage to grab Tyra but leave behind Chewie after Greedo shoots Han while he fights Tanna to go after Chewie.  But Chewie finds himself in prison with Maz Kanata, so next issue should be a good time.

Six-Month-Old Comics: The August 10 Non-Big Two Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

007 #1:  I loved Kennedy Johnson's "The Last God" and I'm always game for a good James Bond film, so I was happy to give this series a shot.  I'll hang in there a while, but I'll admit after reading this issue that it might just be that hard to put a new spin on Bond.

The drama starts when M removes Bond from the field after he failed to extract a Russian asset (who ends up dead).  The Prime Minister wants someone to take the fall, and Bond warns M that he might not be there for him when M inevitably calls.  A week later, Bond gets a call from Gwendolyn Gann, the former 003, who asks for help because she's "stepped in something rather bigger" than she is.  Bond arrives at the designated rendezvous point only for Gann not to appear.  Instead, he watches some guys dump a body (presumably Gann's) into the river.

Bond goes to Gann's ransacked apartment and finds a note for him about Project Myrmidon.  As he sifts through the apartment, a sniper watches him from a rooftop across the street.  Through his telephone conversation with his boss, we learn the sniper is part of the group that spoiled Bond's attempt to extract the Russian.  Gann was apparently working for them, because the sniper and his boss discuss how she thought Bond could be an asset.  But the sniper is worried that Bond will expose them before "the London operation," and his boss agrees that he can kill Bond.

It's a totally fine Bond story, but it's also a standard Bond story.  Kennedy Johnson was able to breathe new life into the fantasy genre in "The Last God," so I'm willing to see what he can do for the spy game.  I'm just not sure what innovation is left.

Astronaut Down #3:  In this issue, we learn why Dr. Engle believed Douglas wasn't a good fit for the mission:  he felt like his reality's humans deserved to die for failing to stop the plague and prevent Maddie's death.  Honestly, as an American in 2023, Patrick is channeling something that we've probably all felt at one point or another in the last, oh, I don't know, seven years.  

This reality's Maddie is appalled when Douglas admits these feelings and demands he complete the mission, particularly as Douglas essentially killed her Douglas for it.  But Douglas refuses to sacrifice her even as Vernon-possessed bystanders arrive to kill Maddie so he has nothing left to lose. Instead, he activates his ejection protocol, resulting in him now "skipping from reality to reality like a stone on a pond."  

In so doing, he's destroyed his transmission abilities, which doesn't bode well for his reality.  But the new reality in which he arrives also has a Maddie so maybe he doesn't care (particularly given next issue's sexy cover, where he appears shirtless).  Patrick makes it really hard to root for Douglas' reality over him, to be honest.

Blade Runner:  Black Lotus #1:  Other than K's trip to Las Vegas in "Blade Runner 2049," we get our first real look at Earth in the Blade Runner universe in this issue.

We begin in the desert outside Los Angeles with Elle non-lethally taking out a group of scavengers who attempt to jack J's spinner bike.  She swipes their truck and arrives in a place called Jacktown, over which an enormous fracking facility looms menacingly.  Elle heads to the repair shop, and the bike impresses the owner, Junkett Jones, who comments that the cops used bikes like it "during the famine."  Junkett agrees to fix the bike in exchange for the truck.  As they complete the deal, a besuited man named Barnes offers to buy the bike.  Elle declines, and a man named Miguel arrives.  In the grand Western stand-off tradition, Miguel tells Barnes that Elle doesn't want to sell.  Barnes departs suddenly when he's notified that an inspector has arrived, leaving Elle with the locals.

Junkett realizes Elle is bleeding, and Miguel takes Elle back to "the farm," where his wife is a medic.  Through his conversation with Elle, we learn that the farm - or the "Inland Empire Clean Energy Co-Op" as it's known - and the facility are in a struggle because the fracking operation, which Barnes runs, is exhausting the water supply.  Miguel warns Elle to avoid Las Vegas, since it's a "no-go zone since the dirty bomb."

Returning to the facility, Henchman #1 tells Barnes that he recognized the truck as belonging to the Bushwhack family and wonders how Elle managed to take out the three of them.  (You'll see, dude.)  At the facility's "Employee Recreation Center" (i.e., the Golden Garter Club), Barnes meets a Mr. Menzes from the Wallace Corporation.  Weirdly, Barnes seems unaware that Wallace bought the Tyrell Corporation's remains.  Menzes' enormous bodyguard Tatsuo notes that Barnes was only able to retain his 32 Nexus 8s - including 12 pleasure models - because the Replicant ban exempts energy facilities.  Menzes is there because only 20 Nexus 8s remain.  Barnes claims the other 12 models broke or fled.

Menzes pulls back a sheet covering a pleasure model that was clearly killed and expresses surprise that the Replicants didn't attack Barnes or his men because even they have limits.  He announces that the abuse violates the contract and is confiscating the remaining Nexus 8s.  (I love that, in this world, the regulator was there for the Replicants not the fracking.)  After Tatsuo prevents Barnes from attacking Menzes, Menzes returns to his car.  In his conversation with a "Ms. Tyler," we learn he's really there searching for Elle and has a "dead or alive" order to retrieve her.

In an exposition-heavy sequence, we learn the co-op is a solar and wind farm that survived the Blackout because they didn't rely on the grid.  Their peace with Barnes is bought with their extra crops, but the situation is getting worse now that Barnes is exhausting the well.  The co-op runs on a "according to their gifts" philosophy, with Miguel's wife Nyoko serving as the medic.  She patches up Elle and shows her to her quarters.  There, Miguel and Nyoko's daughter Kaja invites Elle to play since the adults are all busy and the co-op doesn't get many newcomers.  In one of the issue's few character-driven moments, Kaja is surprised that Elle doesn't know how to play soccer and Elle touchingly admits that she's never "played" before.

Of course, this moment is ominous (because it's Elle) as Henchman #1 watches them from afar.  A few pages earlier, Barnes was in a rage over the loss of the Replicants.  He fears a walk-out once the men realize they've lost the pleasure models, though Henchman #1 is dismissive, saying the men can walk if they prefer skin jobs to paying ones.  Barnes throws a drink at him and blames Henchman #1 for the situation, implying he's the one killing the pleasure models.  (Henchman #1 is apparently Barnes cousin who he hired after Henchman #1's "discharge.")  Watching Elle and Kaja play, Henchman #1 orders an attack, though I'm not entirely sure why.

Although I love learning about the Blade Runner universe, this issue was a little too heavy on exposition.  Given how kinetic the Black Lotus TV series was, it felt odd to see Elle mostly just stand there with people talking at her.  That said, it looks like the action gets going next issue, which I'm excited to see.  It seems pretty clear Elle's "according to their gifts" gift is her ability to defend the co-op.  Poor Henchman #1.

Dark Beach #5:  As this series rushes to a conclusion, it all comes to a head, not surprisingly, at the Mayflower.  

It turns out Eve hid the incomplete data download that Schultz managed to get about Project Daydream at the Mayflower.  Thankfully, Roman doesn't realize that, because he's taken Lilly hostage as a way to get Eve to hand over the information.  Before Eve and Gordon arrive, Julyus appears to take out Roman.

Roman thinks he's outsmarted everyone:  once he gets the information from Eve, he'll upload it to a private server.  If he doesn't enter a password every two days, the information will get transmitted to a variety of economic and political elites, tipping off a "new age of corporate espionage and war."  Gordo tells Julyus that the New Reykjavik Corps of Engineers (NRCE) - whose chief, Jozef Stanley, hired Julyus - is trying to kill everyone to hide the fact they can anchor the Earth again.  Julyus contemplates his daughter and kills Roman.

Eve gives Julyus the data, and Julyus calls Stanley to tell him he's coming with it.  Julyus then tells Eve, Gordo, and Lilly that he's going to go into hiding but he'll let them know when Stanley realizes that he isn't coming with the data.  Gordo tells Julyus that they're going after the rest of it.  Gordo leaves the data at the Mayflower with a note for Duke, and then Eve, Lilly, and he head for the NRCE's Center for Science and Technology.

Looking at issue #6, we have two related questions that need answering.  First, it isn't clear to me what the "updated version" of Project Daydream is and why the NRCE decided to go with that plan over Daydream's original plan to re-anchor Earth.  Second, why does Stanley have "something to lose and everything to gain" by hiding the information that re-anchoring is possible?  Wouldn't he be a hero if he lead the project that made it happen?

Six-Month-Old Comics: The August 3 Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Batman #126:  As expected, Zdarsky isn't fucking kidding.

The issue begins with a recovering Robin telling Batman to mind his own business when Bruce expresses concern that Tim is already on patrol.  Bruce returns to the Cave, and Zdarsky picks up the thread from last issue as Bruce muses how the kids don't understand that they ultimately can't keep their costumed identities and find "love and happiness."  (Yes, it's weird to see Bruce say the words "love and happiness.")  Before Bruce goes any farther down that road, Failsafe attacks!

Zdarsky makes it clear that Failsafe is Bruce's un-fucking-stoppable Doomsday.  Within six punches thrown, Bruce realizes that he's dead if he stays in the Cave.  He manages to grapple himself to the Batmobile and order it to speed to safety.  But the bomb Bruce throws at Failsafe as he leaves the Cave does no good as, still on fire, it finds Bruce in the city.  Bruce admits to Oracle that the situation is bad, and Jiménez does a great job of showing actual fear in Bruce's eyes as Failsafe grabs his cape and hurls him to the ground before he can escape up a fire escape.  

Bruce contemplates the end, which only doesn't happen because Batgirl (Cassandra), Signal, and Spoiler arrive.  Failsafe almost immediately takes out Stephanie, and Signal distracts Failsafe while Robin gets Bruce into the Batmobile so he can meet Leslie at the Cave.  A concussed Bruce murmurs to himself that Failsafe sounds familiar, and Tim floors it to flee the pursuing Failsafe.  Nightwing arrives in time to buy Tim time to escape.  Failsafe dismisses the team as "little soldiers" and takes out Batgirl and Spoiler.  He then rips off Duke's helmet and scans it, gaining access to the team's systems.

Leslie is startled to find Failsafe in the new Cave, but Bruce had Tim take him to the old one.  Cryptically recalling that he "went too far" in his early days before the "children" softened him, Bruce activates Zur-en-Arrh!

In the back-up story, two previously unidentified Penguin heirs - Addison and Aiden - have murdered their ten siblings.  Well, they tried to murder all ten:  Selina manages to prevent a disguised Aiden from murdering Ethan, from "Batgirl."  But he's left in a vegetative state.

Selina puts together this sequence of events the next day when Addison and Aiden arrive at the Executor's office for the will reading.  They have notarized copies of documents vouching for their DNA, and Selina recognizes Aiden is wearing the same cufflinks as Ethan's attacker.  Since the will excludes Ethan due to his vegetative state, the Executor announces that Addison and Aiden inherit the Iceberg Lounge and Penguin's other real-estate holdings.  Addison loses her mind, though, when the Executor announces that Penguin's money goes to the Flights of Fancy Bird Sanctuary in Metropolis.  Aiden then hustles her out the door.

Before Addison and Aiden arrived, Selina asked the Executor for the names of the mothers of Penguin's children so she could split her $500,000 fee among them .  After Addison and Aiden depart, she cryptically asks the Executor for one more address.

All in all, I couldn't be happier with Zdarksy's run so far.  As I hoped, the main story brings the sort of propulsive energy and astute characterization that he brought to Spider-Man, and the Catwoman mystery is a great accompaniment.

Immortal X-Men #5:  Oof.  

The best part of this issue is Bandini and Curiel's art, whose brightness and clarity brilliantly matches Exodus' story as a knight in the employ of a series of messiahs (Apocalypse, Magneto, and now Hope).

Unfortunately, the art does more to walk us through Exodus' thousand-year journey than anything Gillen does.

Exodus realizes that he's lost in his memories because the Uni-Mind is attacking and it's using this ploy on all the Council members to distract them from the attack.  I'll admit that it's a solid plan on the Uni-Mind's part.  I'll also admit that Gillen does a great job of scripting Exodus' fever-driven way of speaking and thinking.  Combined, however, the disjoint narrative and crazed script make the issue difficult to follow.  

I also don't know enough about Exodus' past to know whether Gillen is ret-conning his history, filling in gaps in said history, or rehashing events that we've seen elsewhere.  But it certainly feels odd for Gillen to spend so much time on Exodus' history when this issue also gives us the Hex attacking Krakoa for the first time.

Again, I keep reading this series because it's essential to understanding the X-Men's current status quo not because it's interesting in and of itself.

Moon Knight #14:  McKay and Cappuccio do a great job balancing Marc's characterization-driven conversation with Jake and Steve with the ass-kicking punishment he gets from Grand Mal and Nemean.  

For example, Jake and Steve point out Marc is getting his ass handed to him because he's trying too hard to keep them on the bench.  In fact, they note Marc is usually the one who gets them into trouble.  Marc says that he's trying to hide his disorder from Reece because he doesn't want to scare her away.  Jake and Steve point out Reece is actually managing her chronic disease unlike Marc, who is actively ignoring it.  All excellent points, fellas.

In the end Hunter's Moon and Tigra find Marc's broken body, and Marc agrees to let in Jake and Steve.  Of note, I was happy to see McKay mentioning previous series' events during the conversation, a rare creator who doesn't pretend he invented a legacy character from scratch.  Good times (for us, not Marc), they're a-comin'!

Spider-Man 2099:  Exodus #5:  This issue is similar to the previous ones:  a long series of expository conversations to update us the status quo of another B-list 2099 hero.  This time, it's the X-Men's turn.

The mutants are homeless after the Cabal used its Sentinels to seize the mutant homeland in the Savage Land for reasons I don't think Orlando specifies other than the Cabal is e-v-i-l.  The action (such as it is) starts when Northstar discovers a mutant at the heart of the Celestial Garden, which Cerebra decides means it's the new mutant homeland.  (Ballsy.)

Upon arriving, the X-Men discover an adamantium mountain that Rogue turns to gas using Voght's powers. Inside is a Doom-manufactured canister holding X-Man's eye.  Before Orlando can explain, the Cabal's Sentinels attack.  Spidey and Nostromo arrive to help just as Osborn arrives with more goons.

This issue is perhaps the most wooden of an already mediocre series, as the X-Men are little more than plot-advancing mouthpieces.  I'm glad we're finally wrapping up this series so someone other than Orlando can hopefully take the 2099 ball and run with it.  It isn't a lot, but it's what I've got.

Spider-Punk #4:  When the villain spares the hero in the penultimate chapter, it's usually the author's naked ploy to amp up the drama.  It is here, too.  Unusually, though, Ziglar gives Green Goblin a solid reason for "sparing" Hobie, Kamala, Karl, and Riri:  he's going to execute them publicly!  During his various super-villain monologues, Norman - whose head survived Hobie decapitating him due to the Venom symbiote - explains to Hobie that his death at Hobie's hands made him a martyr to all the fascists and racists who supported him.  I actually thought at various moments that one or more of the Spider-Band might die, so I'm really not sure how next issue is going to go, y'all!

X-Men Red #5:  Unlike "Immortal X-Men" #5, Ewing shines in this tie-in issue, showing us how Uranos decimated Arakko, as we saw in "A.X.E.:  Judgment Day" #1.

It isn't just Uranos himself attacking the Arakkii, but his "armories," a series of destructive tools that range from a bio-metallic slime infecting the Morrowlands to a self-replicating machine army invading Argyre Planitia.  Ewing provides a timer in each panel, underscoring how devastating Uranos' attack is when Brand, Cable, and Magneto are all dead before Uranos uses up 20 minutes of the hour Druig allowed him.  

The scene where Uranos rips out Magneto's heart is particularly brutal and shocking, which makes the last page's revelation that Magneto somehow survives without his heart all the more confusing.  Other than that, it's a pretty spectacular issue that underscores the threat the mutants face in the Eternals.

Six-Month-Old Comics: The July 27 Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Amazing Spider-Man #6/#900:  I'm so jaded when it comes to these anniversary issues that it's hard to get too excited about them.  But this issue is particularly meh for the price.  The back matter tells us that issue #7 involves "one of the most monumental status quo changes...in Spider-Man's history."  For a $9.99 cover price, it would've been nice if the Spidey team gave us that story in this issue.  But it is what it is, I guess.

I was excited when I thought that the Ultra Living Brain was the culprit behind whatever happened at the start of issue #1, given, you know, all the green.  It turns out the Brain's quest to answer "Who is Spider-Man?" drives the issue.  But he doesn't mean Spider-Man's identity:  he means his soul.  Get it?  GET IT?  Apparently, it's all because Peter wasn't kind to the original Brain in "Amazing Spider-Man" (1963) #8.  I'm not sure, either.  At any rate, the Brain kidnaps Spidey's enemies and friends to get the answer.  Ultimately, he learns who Spider-Man is when Peter defends him from the Sinister Six.  It's something, I guess.

If I have a specific bone to pick with Wells, it's that some characterizations seem seriously off here.  Aunt May brings back her dislike of Spider-Man, Bobbi acts like she's dating Peter, Flash is a dick to Peter, Peter seems completely over Mary Jane:  it feels like this issue exists outside continuity.  Other than Dr. Octopus' arms falling in love with Peter like the symbiote did, it may be, to be honest.  

The highlight of the issue is probably the Ayn Rand and Dr. Faustus jokes in the first back-up story, but it's hard to say it's worth $9.99.

Captain America:  Symbol of Truth #3:  Just like last issue, this one is a confused mess.  

After Sam tells Doom that he's tracking vibranium smugglers, Doom frees him for no other reason, it seems, than the fact that we can't have Sam cooling his jets in a Latverian jail for a few years.  Sam returns to the United States and visits a childhood friend (I think) in Sing Sing becuase he may know something about the smugglers.  Why would a seemingly random criminal in Sing Sing know anything about the smuggler?  Onyebuchi doesn't say, just like he didn't say last issue how Sam tracked the smugglers to Latveria.  It's MYSTERIOUS.

Even Sam doesn't seem to know what the plot is, as his recap of the situation for the Wakandans makes no sense./  He tells Shuri that people are going to die if they don't find the smugglers, but I'm not sure why exactly.  I mean, obviously, vibranium is powerful but I don't get why criminals having it immediately equates to death.  To make matters worse, it turns out the White Wolf is sitting on piles and piles of vibranium, which isn't even feasible.  The Wakandans would definitely know if that much was missing.

In other words, I'm really reading this series because it has Sam in it, not because of anything Onyebuchi is doing.

Sins of the Black Flamingo #2:  This issue flies by quickly.  I mean, I admittedly found it hard to focus at times given all the nakedness; Moore and Bonvillain deserve all the awards for Abe's beauty alone.  But Wheeler manages to get you to look beyond the pretty with the clever plot and witty script.

We begin after Sebastian swiped Scar's boat to flee with the Angel.  He thankfully arrives on South Beach right where an angel-themed circuit party is happening.  Unfortunately (and not surprisingly), it's full of guys Sebastian has done wrong, so he's a little short on help.  Enter beautiful, beautiful Abe.  He fights off Scar's goons as the golem and then takes the Angel to a synagogue (whose religious energy will hide the Angel from Scar's scanning) to wait for Ofelia.

Knowing Scar is going to throw everything he has at him, Sebastian lures the next round of goons to an abandoned zoo in a cursed swamp.  Wheeler is at his best here as he takes the time to humanize the goons.  When an alligator eats the goon talking about how he used to love the parrots at the zoo as a kid, it underlines what Wheeler raises several times during the issue, that Sebastian has a "dark heart."

Just when you think Sebastian has won, Scar appears.  Sebastian tries to convince Scar to hire him to study the Angel, but Scar shoots him to death instead.  Given next issue's cover, it seems pretty clear that Ofelia is going to resurrect him but, damn, I didn't see that coming.

Star Wars:  Obi-Wan Kenobi #3:  This series remains one of the smartest ones I've ever read.  

It takes a while to settle into the issue, as Cantwell doesn't rush the story.  At some point, you want older Obi-Wan's narration to end so we can get to the action.  But then you realize the care Cantwell has taken in crafting the pace.  After all, you're seeing it through an older monk's eyes:  rushing isn't in his nature.

When we get to the younger Obi-Wan, he's somewhere between patient and rash, showing signs of vainglory on the battlefield but also weariness.  He volunteers his 212th battalion to lead an attack on Abrion Major where the Confederacy of Independent Systems has constructed a facility producing a new mega-ion cannon.  Joined by a Roonian commander named Mekedrix, it's essentially a suicide mission:  the split battalion will attempt to take both sides of the sole bridge leading to the island where the facility is located.

Mekedrix is full of piss and vinegar and good-naturedly competes with Obi-Wan to see who can get to the facility first.  But Obi-Wan is beginning to make that transition from young warrior to older monk, as he sees the sunrise over Abrion and realizes that he doesn't want to fight anymore.  Eventually, the violence subsumes him, and he forgets about the sunrise:  he tells Mekedrix that he's going to win.

It's all for naught, though:  the remains of the two battalions converge on the facility, where the Confederacy has stashed all its heavy firepower.  Over Obi-Wan's objections, the Fleet destroys the bridge, with plenty of Republican soldiers still on it.  Mekedrix and Obi-Wan survive with Commander Cody but they're shaken.

Honestly, this series delivers the type of "Star Wars" stories I've been dying to see, and I can't recommend it highly enough.  I'd love for it to go past five issues if Cantwell is writing it.

Six-Month-Old Comics: The July 20 Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

A.X.E.:  Judgment Day #1:  This issue is solid. 

First things first, this latest iteration of the oversized event issue is almost unique - and seriously helped - by the fact that it has a single art team.  When that team is Schiti and Gracia, it makes for a great experience.  With Gillen providing an interesting story and sharp script, it all comes together nicely.  You feel like you're watching an action movie that actually makes sense.

The action gets going as Destiny realizes that the Eternals, and not Orchis, are coming after the mutants.  She and Mystique head to brief the Quiet Council as Kurt heads to Arakko to brief the Great Ring.  But they're too late.  Druig has successfully convinced the Uni-Mind that the mutants' ability to resurrect means that their deviation will continue forever, something that the Eternals can't allow, particularly as the mutants are now spreading beyond Earth.

With the Uni-Mind's approval, Druig launches two strikes.  As the Council begins to meet on Krakoa, half the Eternals' "committed forces" combine into the Uni-Mind and attack the Council telepathically.  While the Council's telepaths protect their colleagues, a separate group of Eternals launch a physical attack.  The X-Men arrive to help the Krakoans defend the island.  During the battle, Wolverine smells Egg's blood and tracks it to Jack of Knives, stopping her before she can kill Hope.  Realizing that the two attacks were cover for taking out the Five, Wolverine gets Jean to deploy all resources to protecting the Five.  Their mission spoiled, the Eternals retreat.

Since Egg made some extra eggs, the remaining Five are able to resurrect him.  As Wolverine is telling Jean to dispatch X-Force, Kurt arrives, telling the Five to resurrect "them" because Arakko will need leaders.  It turns out Druig's other strike was more effective:  in the hour Druig gave him, Uranos killed most of Arakko.  Gillen makes it clear that this near-genocide will further complicated the X-Men's public-relations problem, as Scott noted earlier that people are still killing mutants so the Five won't be getting to resurrecting humans anytime soon.

With his mixed score card, Druig uses Earthers' smartphones to announce that the Eternals are going after the X-Men.  We see joy in the streets, a sign that the "public-relations problem" means the X-Men are right back at "the hate and fear" stage (as Scott also noted earlier).  That said, humanity's relief might be tempered when they notice the "towering death machines," as Druig dubs them, known as the Hex rising off the western seaboard.

As the Avengers are assembling, Tony realizes that Eternals have entered the Celestial. He encounters Ajak and Makkari.  Ajak notes that they face only two outcomes.  The first, and least acceptable, one is the Eternals fighting the battle (thanks to their own ability to resurrect) until all mutants are dead, leaving Earth a barren wasteland.  The second one is Tony helping Ajak, Makarri, and a bound Sinister build a god who can rewrite the Scripture on which Druig is fighting his holy war.  Tony asks how they're going to make a god, and Ajak makes it clear that they're going to resurrect the Celestial.

Again, it's a great start to this event.  The stakes feel real, particularly since it's clear the Five don't have the capacity to resurrect the million or so mutants Uranos killed in this issue.  Also, humanity cheering on the Eternals probably isn't going to do much for human-mutant relations...

Knights of X #4:  Oof, this series is really going off the rails. 

Gambit's death serves as the sacrifice necessary to open the gate to Mercator, since it turns out Mercator itself is the Siege Perilous.  Rachel saves everyone from facing their fears and kisses Psylocke.  [Eye roll.]  Mercator informs the team that they're in the Siege Perilous but have to face Merlyn, who somehow also managed to enter Mercator in pursuit of Roma, Saturnyne, and Shogo.  

Beyond the ham-fisted kiss, my main complaint about this issue is that we seem to get a ret-conning of Rachel's powers via interstitial page, as Rachel is capable of "chronoskimming."  Maybe Rachel has always had this power, but Howard uses it in a nonsensical way, as she connects it to Rachel's ability to save everyone from their fears.  That seems more connected to Rachel's telepathic abilities, since it isn't like the Siege Perilous is a time-traveling device.

At any rate, this series concludes next issue, and it just feels like one of those mini-series where the end is inevitable and the author is spinning their wheels trying to justify the number of issues needed to get there.

Moon Knight:  Black, White & Blood #3:  I don't know how many different ways I can say this series is awful.  The first two stories in this issue are fine if lackluster.  The third one makes not a lick of sense, once again.  Why am I still buying these issues?

Star Wars:  Han Solo and Chewbacca #4:  This issue moves pretty fast, as it focuses on Chewie storming Graves' villa on Mollo Tanka to rescue Han after Krrsantan captures him.  Along the way, we get some nice moments between Chewie and Han's dad, which makes it all the more depressing when Chewie frees Han only for them to discover Han's dad - and the Falcon - are missing.  Han told Graves that he dropped the urn when Krrsantan nabbed him, so I'm guessing that Han's dad has it.  I'm hoping he and Han had a plan for him to skedaddle with the urn?  Maybe?

Also Read:  Star Wars #25; Star Wars:  Darth Vader #25