Batman #126: As expected, Zdarsky isn't fucking kidding.
The issue begins with a recovering Robin telling Batman to mind his own business when Bruce expresses concern that Tim is already on patrol. Bruce returns to the Cave, and Zdarsky picks up the thread from last issue as Bruce muses how the kids don't understand that they ultimately can't keep their costumed identities and find "love and happiness." (Yes, it's weird to see Bruce say the words "love and happiness.") Before Bruce goes any farther down that road, Failsafe attacks!
Zdarsky makes it clear that Failsafe is Bruce's un-fucking-stoppable Doomsday. Within six punches thrown, Bruce realizes that he's dead if he stays in the Cave. He manages to grapple himself to the Batmobile and order it to speed to safety. But the bomb Bruce throws at Failsafe as he leaves the Cave does no good as, still on fire, it finds Bruce in the city. Bruce admits to Oracle that the situation is bad, and Jiménez does a great job of showing actual fear in Bruce's eyes as Failsafe grabs his cape and hurls him to the ground before he can escape up a fire escape.
Bruce contemplates the end, which only doesn't happen because Batgirl (Cassandra), Signal, and Spoiler arrive. Failsafe almost immediately takes out Stephanie, and Signal distracts Failsafe while Robin gets Bruce into the Batmobile so he can meet Leslie at the Cave. A concussed Bruce murmurs to himself that Failsafe sounds familiar, and Tim floors it to flee the pursuing Failsafe. Nightwing arrives in time to buy Tim time to escape. Failsafe dismisses the team as "little soldiers" and takes out Batgirl and Spoiler. He then rips off Duke's helmet and scans it, gaining access to the team's systems.
Leslie is startled to find Failsafe in the new Cave, but Bruce had Tim take him to the old one. Cryptically recalling that he "went too far" in his early days before the "children" softened him, Bruce activates Zur-en-Arrh!
In the back-up story, two previously unidentified Penguin heirs - Addison and Aiden - have murdered their ten siblings. Well, they tried to murder all ten: Selina manages to prevent a disguised Aiden from murdering Ethan, from "Batgirl." But he's left in a vegetative state.
Selina puts together this sequence of events the next day when Addison and Aiden arrive at the Executor's office for the will reading. They have notarized copies of documents vouching for their DNA, and Selina recognizes Aiden is wearing the same cufflinks as Ethan's attacker. Since the will excludes Ethan due to his vegetative state, the Executor announces that Addison and Aiden inherit the Iceberg Lounge and Penguin's other real-estate holdings. Addison loses her mind, though, when the Executor announces that Penguin's money goes to the Flights of Fancy Bird Sanctuary in Metropolis. Aiden then hustles her out the door.
Before Addison and Aiden arrived, Selina asked the Executor for the names of the mothers of Penguin's children so she could split her $500,000 fee among them . After Addison and Aiden depart, she cryptically asks the Executor for one more address.
All in all, I couldn't be happier with Zdarksy's run so far. As I hoped, the main story brings the sort of propulsive energy and astute characterization that he brought to Spider-Man, and the Catwoman mystery is a great accompaniment.
Immortal X-Men #5: Oof.
The best part of this issue is Bandini and Curiel's art, whose brightness and clarity brilliantly matches Exodus' story as a knight in the employ of a series of messiahs (Apocalypse, Magneto, and now Hope).
Unfortunately, the art does more to walk us through Exodus' thousand-year journey than anything Gillen does.
Exodus realizes that he's lost in his memories because the Uni-Mind is attacking and it's using this ploy on all the Council members to distract them from the attack. I'll admit that it's a solid plan on the Uni-Mind's part. I'll also admit that Gillen does a great job of scripting Exodus' fever-driven way of speaking and thinking. Combined, however, the disjoint narrative and crazed script make the issue difficult to follow.
I also don't know enough about Exodus' past to know whether Gillen is ret-conning his history, filling in gaps in said history, or rehashing events that we've seen elsewhere. But it certainly feels odd for Gillen to spend so much time on Exodus' history when this issue also gives us the Hex attacking Krakoa for the first time.
Again, I keep reading this series because it's essential to understanding the X-Men's current status quo not because it's interesting in and of itself.
Moon Knight #14: McKay and Cappuccio do a great job balancing Marc's characterization-driven conversation with Jake and Steve with the ass-kicking punishment he gets from Grand Mal and Nemean.
For example, Jake and Steve point out Marc is getting his ass handed to him because he's trying too hard to keep them on the bench. In fact, they note Marc is usually the one who gets them into trouble. Marc says that he's trying to hide his disorder from Reece because he doesn't want to scare her away. Jake and Steve point out Reece is actually managing her chronic disease unlike Marc, who is actively ignoring it. All excellent points, fellas.
In the end Hunter's Moon and Tigra find Marc's broken body, and Marc agrees to let in Jake and Steve. Of note, I was happy to see McKay mentioning previous series' events during the conversation, a rare creator who doesn't pretend he invented a legacy character from scratch. Good times (for us, not Marc), they're a-comin'!
Spider-Man 2099: Exodus #5: This issue is similar to the previous ones: a long series of expository conversations to update us the status quo of another B-list 2099 hero. This time, it's the X-Men's turn.
The mutants are homeless after the Cabal used its Sentinels to seize the mutant homeland in the Savage Land for reasons I don't think Orlando specifies other than the Cabal is e-v-i-l. The action (such as it is) starts when Northstar discovers a mutant at the heart of the Celestial Garden, which Cerebra decides means it's the new mutant homeland. (Ballsy.)
Upon arriving, the X-Men discover an adamantium mountain that Rogue turns to gas using Voght's powers. Inside is a Doom-manufactured canister holding X-Man's eye. Before Orlando can explain, the Cabal's Sentinels attack. Spidey and Nostromo arrive to help just as Osborn arrives with more goons.
This issue is perhaps the most wooden of an already mediocre series, as the X-Men are little more than plot-advancing mouthpieces. I'm glad we're finally wrapping up this series so someone other than Orlando can hopefully take the 2099 ball and run with it. It isn't a lot, but it's what I've got.
Spider-Punk #4: When the villain spares the hero in the penultimate chapter, it's usually the author's naked ploy to amp up the drama. It is here, too. Unusually, though, Ziglar gives Green Goblin a solid reason for "sparing" Hobie, Kamala, Karl, and Riri: he's going to execute them publicly! During his various super-villain monologues, Norman - whose head survived Hobie decapitating him due to the Venom symbiote - explains to Hobie that his death at Hobie's hands made him a martyr to all the fascists and racists who supported him. I actually thought at various moments that one or more of the Spider-Band might die, so I'm really not sure how next issue is going to go, y'all!
X-Men Red #5: Unlike "Immortal X-Men" #5, Ewing shines in this tie-in issue, showing us how Uranos decimated Arakko, as we saw in "A.X.E.: Judgment Day" #1.
It isn't just Uranos himself attacking the Arakkii, but his "armories," a series of destructive tools that range from a bio-metallic slime infecting the Morrowlands to a self-replicating machine army invading Argyre Planitia. Ewing provides a timer in each panel, underscoring how devastating Uranos' attack is when Brand, Cable, and Magneto are all dead before Uranos uses up 20 minutes of the hour Druig allowed him.
The scene where Uranos rips out Magneto's heart is particularly brutal and shocking, which makes the last page's revelation that Magneto somehow survives without his heart all the more confusing. Other than that, it's a pretty spectacular issue that underscores the threat the mutants face in the Eternals.
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