Tuesday, February 19, 2019

Not-Very-New Comics: The January 2 Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Conan the Barbarian #1:  In all my comic-collecting life, I've only read one issue of Conan.  It was a "Savage Sword of Conan" issue that a friend of mine gave me when I was in the hospital.  I remember it blowing my twelve-year-old mind:  first, it was in black-and-white, and, second, it was adult.  It had a sensibility that I didn't see in the Marvel superhero comics that I was collecting at the time; it was closer to, but still beyond, the types of stories that DC was telling.  It was cool, but I never again dipped my toes into those waters.

When I heard Jason Aaron, of all people, was going to pen the new series, I was on board in a flash.  That excitement wasn't misplaced.  Aaron hits all the notes you expect to see in a Conan comic; it feels the way I expect a Conan comic to feel.  But, it's Aaron, so it's not just Conan slaying some soldiers, drinking some ale, and bedding some wenches.  I mean, he does bed a wench, but it turns out she's actually a witch!  She poisons him with a scratch, and he awakens to find himself bound spread-eagle (sexy!) in an underground temple.  She needs blood from the greatest warrior in the land to resurrect her demon lord, which she almost accomplishes before Conan manages to break free from his bonds and kill her.  Aaron has more surprises in store when he flashes us forward decades later, as King Conan of Aquilonia reviews a battlefield littered with bodies.  As he walks among his dead opponents, he's startled to find two children.  They're not who they seem to be at first glance; they're minions of the dead witch, and it looks like they're going to fulfill her prophecy that Conan will die on this spot (just a few decades after she thought).

I've always been disappointed that we don't have more sword-and-sorcery comics.  Comics seem to be a perfect vehicle for these sorts of stories.  However, from DC's old-school "Forgotten Realms" series to the current "Dungeons and Dragons" and "Pathfinder" comics, they've always been sort of...joke-y.  They've never brought the gravitas that I'm thrilled to see Aaron bring here.  Plus, getting a chance to read Conan feels like reading the relaunched "Miracleman" series did, connecting with comics history in a way I didn't get to experience the first time.  Color me excited.

Detective Comics #995:  I like Tomasi, but this issue is just too much.  Bruce barely sounds like himself as he tries to tell Leslie what she meant to him as he and Alfred try (and fail) to treat the Joker toxin.  I'd expect some emotion from Bruce, but he's just too over the top here.  The Bruce I know would've kept focused on the task at hand until he found the answer.  Instead, he falls to pieces, a reflection of how Snyder's and King's interpretation of him as a hot-headed brawler (and not meticulously controlled detective) casts a long shadow.  Moreover, it's hard to take Leslie's death seriously.  I mean, how many times has she died?  Tomasi even doubles down on this approach, as Leslie's body isn't even cold when someone dressed as Zorro stabs Alfred.  (In an interesting note, this person somehow tricks the computer system into identifying him as Commissioner Gordon.  It's starting to feel like an inside job.)  It's here where it's unbelievable the editors weren't like, "Wait, wait, wait, we just almost offed Dick in 'Batman,' and Alfred also gets stabbed there, too!  Maybe do something else?"  Alfred survives here (shockingly, I know), and Bruce goes to Arkham to threaten the criminals there for information.  Is he going to beat up Bane again while he's at it?  Shouldn't he analyze the Joker toxin first, since it seems like a new strain?  Maybe it would help inform the questions he asks the criminals while he beats them?  After all, beating Bane senseless in "Batman" didn't help matters.  Maybe he could even, I don't know, review security-camera footage to get a better sense of who the monster that attacked Leslie was?  But, that would make him a detective, something he no longer seems to be.  [Sigh.]  Unfortunately, I also have to resurrect my "Women in Refrigerators" label here, since the only purpose Leslie's death seems to serve is to push Bruce over the edge.  I wish I had something better to say here, after last issue seemed to be a return to form for the Bat-books.  Now, I just feel like canceling them all and being done with it.

Uncanny X-Men #8:  This issue starts off well.  We learn Legion is keeping X-Man and the young X-Men in his mind; they're not physically in the reality that hosts the Age of Apocalypse.  Bishop demands the X-Men rescue the young X-Men immediately, but a freed Kitty Pryde refuses to do so, saying they need to evaluate the situation while they have Legion and X-Man distracted.  Apocalypse agrees, something that should be Kitty's first sign that she's wrong.  Knowing first-hand how awful the world the young X-Men inhabit is, Bishop has Betsy send him into Legion's mind, Kitty be damned, where he prevents Hisako from killing X-Man just in the nick of time.  The authors do a pretty solid job of showing how the year the kids spent in the Age of Apocalypse affected them, particularly when Bishop informs them they've only been gone for five minutes in the real world.  But, everything spirals into chaos when Legion follows Bishop into his own mind, setting up a confrontation in which X-Man appears to take over Legion.  It all at least makes sense, at least from a plot perspective.  But, I'll admit I've lost track of the characters' motivations here.  It seems weird that Bishop is the one advocating saving the kids and Kitty is the one telling them they should be focused on the larger threat.  It's just starting to feel like you could swap in any character with any piece of dialogue, an unfortunate side effect of these sorts of multiple-character events.  We'll see if it gets clearer soon.

The Winter Soldier #2:  Giving Bucky a sidekick is a clever idea from the boot, but making it a kid with an even more fucked up childhood than Bucky had is brilliant.  I'm intrigued where we go from here.

Also Read:  Mr. and Mrs. X #7; Shatterstar #4

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