On the State of Superhero Comics

I realized during my most recent child-related break from comics that I didn't really miss the superhero comics.  I was worried that I'd accidentally read spoilers about "The Realm" or "The Weatherman," but I was only moderately concerned that I'd find out Kindred's identity from Bleeding Cool or Wikipedia.  Given my almost 40 years reading superhero comics, I wondered what the problem was.

Looking at Marvel's current line-up, it isn't hard to identify.  As of this post, Miles Morales is the newest character with an ongoing solo title (he debuted in 2011) followed by Cable (1993) and Eddie Brock as Venom (1988).  (The fact that the Cable of the current title is Kid Cable doesn't really feel like a creative win to me.)  The team comics are a little fresher, particularly after Jonathan Hickman's ingenious rebooting of the X-Men line.  That said, Savage Avengers is the only new team per se.  We've seen many iterations of the Avengers, Champions, Excalibur, Fantastic Four, Guardians of the Galaxy, Hellions, Marauders, New Mutants, Runaways, S.W.O.R.D., X-Factor, X-Force, and X-Men over the years.  With the exception of Champions, all these teams currently feature characters that we've seen on some team or another for the last 30-40 years.  ("Strange Academy" is new but also essentially "Wolverine and the X-Men.")

In other words, same old, same old.  "Champions" has become Marvel's dumping ground for teen superheroes, and they're on their fourth volume in five years.  The Young Avengers pop up every once in a while, but even Kelly Thompson's amazing "West Coast Avengers" couldn't find its footing in the market despite the fact that she provided a real vision of what the Avengers could be after the "Big Three."  Marvel's attempt to add young character doesn't necessarily mean introducing new ones, as they're now trotting out 20- or 30-year-old characters via Power Pack (1984), New Warriors (1989), and Runaways (2003).  Marvel famously attempted to make things younger and/or more diverse a few years ago when it replaced some of its marquee characters with different versions, but they wound up stumbling into the culture wars in so doing.

Even looking at the established characters, Marvel has largely wiped the slate clean of decades' worth of changes.  I'll admit that I've applauded some of those developments.  Nick Spencer has basically undone the excesses of the Joe Quesada and Dan Slott eras of Spider-Man, bringing back a much more familiar version of Peter Parker.  Ta'Nehisi Coates returned Steve Rogers to something reminiscent of the Nomad/Captain era, an appropriate response to the current political and social environment.  And Jonathan Hickman's reboot of the X-Men saved the line for me, as he wisely undid the endless cycle of death and rebirth by simply declaring no one can die now.

But, returning established characters to familiar version of themselves means that the line is all the less fresh.  It means that Marvel has had to sacrifice some of the best new characters of the last few years, such as Rick Remender's Ian Rogers and Jet Black.  (The members of the various "Wolverine and X-Men" lineups are now little more than bit players in the larger X-Men reboot.)  It also means new uses for established characters that reinvigorated them were also out the door, such as Nick Spencer turning Misty Knight and D-Man into Sam Wilson's support staff.  Bucky went from the Man on the Wall to Cap's sidekick yet again in "Invaders."

You'll notice that I haven't even mentioned DC.  I don't even know what to say there.  The only compelling character left in my book is Dick Grayson, and even then it's hard to call him "a" character.  He's been at least five different characters over the last few years, from circus owner to international spy to deadbeat amnesiac.  His amazing ass is basically the only way we're able to recognize him.  DC couldn't even commit to its own reboot, shunting "Doomsday Clock" outside continuity (even if they claim otherwise) before Johns had even finished it.

I understand that the editors and creators are working with the market they have not the market they want, as Marvel's attempts at diversity prove.  (Though, we also have enough evidence of inside resistance that you have to wonder how much support these efforts got.)  You got the sense that they really, really wanted "West Coast Avengers" to work.  But, it's also hard to believe that they're not trolling us at times.  As I've previously mentioned in one of these missives, the aborted marriages of Bruce and Selina and Kitty and Piotr took our hopes for change and dashed them on the rocks.  Yes, Gambit and Rogue got married and even managed a spin-off series, only to be reabsorbed into the X-Borg where they're yet again playing second fiddle to Jean and Scott.

In other words?  I'm not sure how long for the spandex set I am.  Even events like Annihilation - Scourge and Marvel 2099, which should've been right up my alley given my love for the characters, have left me cold.  How many reboots of 2099 can we have?  Also, is Marvel at some point going to trot out an octagenarian Annihilus just so his name can be in "Annihilation Wave - Scourge of the Conquestors:  Amplitude of Doom!"?  I'm giving Empyre a chance but I'm not sure why.

As such, I've decided as I face a year backlog of comics to prioritize non-superhero comics.  I'm bailing on "Batman:  Curse of the White Knight," "The Batman's Grave," and "Detective Comics," leaving "The Last God" as my only DC comic.  I'm down to six superhero comics at Marvel:  "Amazing Spider-Man," "Captain America," "Guardians of the Galaxy," "Marauders," "New Mutants," and "X-Men."  I'll give some limited series a try, but they'll mostly be related to these other series, like "Falcon and Winter Soldier" or "U.S.Agent."  Hopefully, it'll give Marvel sometime to figure out a path to a future that looks different from 1989.

Over-a-Year-Old Comics: The December 18 (2019) Non-Event Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Guardians of the Galaxy #12:  This issue is how you end a story!  I totally cried with Pete as the original Guardians sat at Raccoon's bedside and Pete told him the galaxy could wait while he got better.  Cates sticks the landing so well here.  As Rocket said, a raccoon doesn't defeat J'Son:  an engineer does, as Rocket rewires the ship's polarity and frees the heroes.  The gang makes short work of J'Son's Drax clones while Rocket reveals that he also programmed the ship to return to its original time.  Lockjaw skedaddles the heroes off the ship as J'Son comes face to face with Thanos and Death at the End of Everything.  Cates took the Guardians to a pretty dark place in this series, but he promises brighter horizons, particularly as we end not only with Pete and Gamora holding hands but also a resurrected Drax.  "Guardians of the Galaxy" was one of the few superhero comics I'm keeping on my pull list, and this issue makes me very glad that I will.

Invaders #12:  This series just sort of ends.  Unsurprisingly, the Invaders win, defeating Machan before he can use his Doomsday machine to flood the world.  (I have no idea why London seems to be the only place flooding or how Spider-Man and the Thing managed to get there so quickly, but it is what it is.)  

The exciting part, for me, was the question of how Cap and the rest of the Invaders would deal with Namor once the threat passed.  The answer?  They just forgive everything because he was an Invader.  Cap doesn't even try to excuse Namor's behavior with Machan, as Namor himself admits that Machan didn't do anything he wouldn't have done.  Cap just says that he can't stay mad at Namor, no matter what we does, because they were Invaders.  Really?  Like, attempted genocide is totally fine if an Invader bro does it?  

Given how grounded in psychology this series was, I was surprised to see Zdarsky take the easy route here instead of giving us a Cap truly wrestling with his responsibilities toward, and his comradeship with, Namor.  Instead, he just shrugs his shoulders.  (Actually, he just has another beer with Bucky and Jim, but you get the point.)

I feel like Zdarsky must've written himself into a corner here, like Claremont did with Phoenix when he revealed that she destroyed a planet.  I wonder if the Powers That Be at Marvel decreed that Cap and Namor had to be buds, because it's the only reason I could see for Zdarsky swerving from the wall at the last minute.

King Thor #4:  I don't know what to say here.  This issue is a sprawling mess, which isn't necessarily bad but also isn't necessarily good.

The first ten pages unfold as expected, with Thor somehow finding the power he needs to defeat Gorr the Necroverse because, as Loki says, "Thor is Thor."  Does that make any sense?  Not really.  It has something to do with Thor spending his whole life defining "worthy" as eliminating his demons, but instead he now realizes that it means embracing them and marshaling his rage and shame into "the storm."  Sure, whatever.  At this point, I'll give Aaron a pass because it's his last time at the trough.  

Then, for lack of a better term, we drift into space.  In the Halls of All-Knowing, Shadrak, "god of imbeciles and imbecility," angers the Librarian by knocking over some Thor tomes.  Shadrak looks through them, and we discover that they detail Thor's exploits before he becomes King Thor.  We're now "treated" to a truly bizarre sequence of pages, with Thor:  as "God Cop," policing other gods; as a world ("Thor the Thunder World") spitting "rune moons made of solid uru;" as an amesiac Lord of the Ice Apes of Jotunheim, etc.  Marvel can't pass the chance to get in some advertisements, as Balder becomes King of the Norns, Jane is shown as Valkyrie, and Sif takes over Heimdall's role.  Then, we finally see our Thor sitting on his throne.  At this point, though, Aaron's overwrought narration has me skimming.  I know that Aaron wanted me to be immersed in this story at this point, and I wanted to be.  I really did.  But, I was mostly just bored and confused.  This feeling of dissociation with the story that I thought Aaron was telling is made worse when we return to Shadrak, who tell us that he's looking forward to reading more Thor stories the next day.  I'm glad he is.

We shift to the future (or present, at this point).  We learn that Gorr survived his encounter with Thor, but he's now a simpleton with no trace of the Necrosword remaining in him.  He lives in a garden on Indigarr, watched by loving gods.  Lest we think that Gorr deserves worse, Aaron reminds us that it's unclear if this outcome is Heaven or Hell for Gorr.  Meanwhile, we also learn that Loki has sacrificed himself to rekindle a dying sun, with Midgard seemingly the sole planet left in creation.  Wrapping up the sacrifices, Thor hands over Mjolnir to the girls and then somehow becomes the new support system for the devastated Universe, the pillar on which creation will rise again.  How?  I don't know.  I guess we'll never know.

In other words, man, I'm disappointed.  It doesn't overshadow Aaron's accomplishments when it comes to this character, but it does make me wish he would've just ended with "War of the Realms."  When I saw "King Thor" marketed, I was worried that it seemed self-indulgent, and it seems that way now.  I guess there's a lesson in there somewhere.

The Last God #3:  This issue is interesting, as with previous ones, more for the stories that we're not being told than the ones that we are.  

We start the issue in the past with Try lying to Cyanthe that her father left the group because he seemed angry.  Cyanthe is devastated, blaming herself for driving away her father after their argument the previous evening.  Veikko knows better, accusing Tyr of murdering Cyanthe's father not because he had the Plague but because Tyr wanted Cyanthe to himself.  As the trio travel, they discover dead Aelvan near the Pinnacle, which Veikko explains humanity made Aelvan slaves build on the ashes of their previous place of power.  Veikko realizes that a beast called an ursulon killed the Aelves and has the trio flee.  The ursulon later finds them, and Veikko assumes that they're goners until Cyanthe realizes why it's enraged:  it's carrying its dead cub in its hand.  Cyanthe uses her teymsong to quiet the beast, allowing them to share a moment of grief over their lost family members.  It's a really touching moment, a rare show of emotion so far in a series that prides itself on how such feelings don't have any place in such a cruel world.  Veikko watches in wonder, having previously asserted that only Aelvan prayers have power.

In the present, Cyanthe, Eyvindr, and Veikko make their way to the Pinnacle, where Eyvindr witnesses the meager conditions that the people in his hero's empire endure due to Tyr's negligence.  Cyanthe announces Eyvindr will stay at the Pinnacle after she and Veikko recruit Skol and her Eldritch Knights to travel to the Black Stair; after they win, he'll return to the slave cradles "where [he] belong[s]."  As the arrive at the Pinnacle, Eyvindr announce that he's leaving for the Stair on his own, tired of what he (correctly and incorrectly) sees as Cyanthe's lies.  She seemingly lies again, telling him that he can't go to the Stair because Mol Uhltep told them that Eyvindr would be the one to bring about the end of the world.  Cyanthe claims that it's because Eyvindr appeared in the arena in the yellow-tin crown reading all "[Tyr's] old lies" to him, a reference to the "true crown hidden by a false one of gold" prophecy.  It seems pretty clear that Eyvindr is the true crown of the prophecy, with Tyr's being the false one, despite Cyanthe seemingly implying otherwise.  Moreover, Cyanthe's spin doesn't explain the flashback that we saw in the first issue, of Tyr seemingly trying to kill an infant Eyvindr, since it's unclear how he knew Eyvindr would one day become the man in the arena.  That said, Eyvindr still isn't having any more of Cyanthe's lies.  He starts to leave, when Mol Uhltep appears to them in the form of a dead woman and her child sitting on the bridge.  He sends the Plague after them and the issue ends with Eyvindr plunging off the bridge in the melee.  

Star Wars:  Empire Ascendant #1:  This issue is sloppy, signified by the fact they accidentally switched two of the interstitial pages.  The main story is treacly, its concluding page's dialogue reading like something a middle schooler would've written.  The Vader story is fluff, not even attempting to tell a story that we've seen a thousand times already, about how ruthless Vader is, particularly when it comes to prizing victory over failure.  The Beilert story is the best of the lot, as the Aphra story is hindered by heavy narration via holovid that doesn't even sound like Aphra.  In the end, it feels like a money grab.  It's a shame, too, because I feel like it was Marvel's chance to tell a few pre-"Empire Strikes Back" stories that it didn't get to showcase during the initial "Star Wars'" run.  Instead, it's a forgettable issue that has me eager for the real story getting under way.

Star Wars:  The Rise of Kylo Ren #1:  Soule has an unenviable task here, as he's forced to impose some form of coherence to both the Knights of Ren and Kylo Ren himself.

Rian Johnson famously axed the Knights of Ren in "Star Wars:  The Last Jedi," only for JJ Abrams to reinstate them as Ren's own Praetorian Guard in "Star Wars:  The Rise of Skywalker."  Despite their appearances (or not, as the case may be), we never really got an explanation for who they were.  In terms of Ren himself, he's constantly switching personalities, bouncing among confident, desperate, focused, and shattered.  Soule not only has to try to forge a consistent vision of Ren but also needs to make us care despite the fact that we all know (spoiler alert if you haven't seen "Star Wars:  The Rise of Skywalker") that he dies in the end.

This issue is at its best when Soule tries to address the Knights of Ren.  Soule seems to imply that "ren" was the name of the Force "long ago," with the Knights dedicated to its service.  Although it's clear that the Knights aren't good guys (they are, after all, trying to recruit a kid who brags about killing over 100 people), it isn't clear that they're formally aligned with the Sith either.  The Knight's leader refers to a "friend" providing them names of Force-sensitive potential recruits, who I at first thought meant Snoke since I didn't initially realize that we were seeing a scene in the distant past.  I'm assuming that it's a Sith, but I guess we'll see.

Soule struggles a little with Ren, but it really isn't his fault.  Ren is as sniveling as Luke was in the first trilogy.  When three of his cohort from Luke's temple return to find everyone -- including, they think, Luke -- dead, Ren is outraged that they don't believe him when he tells them that Luke tried to kill him.  He's alternatively vicious and appalled as he fights them, never dealing a killing blow despite his at-times blood-thirsty rhetoric.  He reads almost like Two-Face at times, more mentally ill than someone struggling to reconcile the life he thought he was living with the circumstances in front of him.

Overall, though, it's a good start.  Soule has shown an ability in previous work to mine newfound insights to characters with muddled histories, so I'm optimistic that he can do the same with Ren here.

Over-a-Year-Old Comics: The December 18 (2019) Event Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Annihilation - Scourge:  Omega #1:  This issue is fine if not formulaic.  Nova "sacrifices" himself to the Cancerverse because it now turns out the Cancerverse wasn't really interested in the Sentry but in Nova because he somehow survived it.  But, based on solicitations for "Guardians of the Galaxy," we know that Nova doesn't die so it's no surprise when Annihilus somehow heals him...despite his Cancerverse-containing body having 'sploded when the Senry eye-beamed it.  I mean, that sentence right there tells you everything you need to know about the state of superhero comics.

Marvel 2099:  Omega #1:  This issue is a mess, from the shifting art styles to the hurried narrative leaps.

Essentially, old Miguel reveals that he's some form of "our" Miguel (whatever that means anymore).  He beseeches the new Miguel to become Spider-Man to break Doom's hold on Earth.  It's still unclear to me how Doom managed to go all "Age of X-Man" here, so I guess that I have to hold out hope Spencer makes that clear in "Amazing Spider-Man" #36.  If we accept that we'll get an answer to this core question, then it's a little easier to move with the story.  

Gabe uses Miguel's biometric account to upload Miguel's experience in the Ravage to an offline database.  (I'm still not entirely sure what revealing Miguel's experience in the Ravage to the public is supposed to do.  The public has to realize the corporations aren't exactly working in their best interest.  I just assume that they know that they can't do much about it.  Moreover, as far as I can tell, the only controversial part of Miguel's trip to the Ravage was the realization that Alchemax wasn't making mutants, prolonged exposure to the Ravage was.  Is that really enough to usher in the revolution that Gabe seems to want?  It actually seems to let Alchemax off the hook...)  This unauthorized access prompts Tyler to send drones to destroy Miguel's apartment, not knowing that he's really killing Gabe.  

Although new Miguel had resisted old Miguel's efforts to get him to become Spider-Man, he accepts it in the wake of Gabe's murder, altering his DNA as he learned to do in the Ravage.  At this point, new Miguel is presumably cured of his Rapture addiction (like in the original series) and becomes Spider-Man.  Based on what old Miguel says here, his appearance should inspire new 2099 heroes to rise against Doom, presumably resetting the timeline to whatever the "normal" 2099 timeline is at this point.  

As I've (repeatedly) mentioned, the 2099 timeline is so muddled from years of contradictory storylines (i.e., poor editing) that I'd really welcome any reboot that returns us to stories featuring a recognizable Miguel and his cast of characters.  I guess all hope lies in "Amazing Spider-Man" #36.  I won't hold my breath.

Over-a-Year-Old Comics: The December 11 (2019) Non-Event Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!

Star Wars:  Target Vader #6:  I'll admit this issue's crosses and double-crosses were difficult to follow given that it's been months since I read issue #5.  (When exactly did we meet Gwi?  Did we ever previously hear about Cavic?)  But, Valance is a great character, an even more broken version of Han Solo.  He passes up his score to get the Rebellion to resettle the people from his village in exchange for the weapons.  I'm looking forward to the upcoming "Star Wars:  Bounty Hunters" series, because I can't get enough of these Outer Rim stories.

Undiscovered Country #2:  Snyder and Soule make it clear that this series is going to be a page turner as this issue is full of crosses and double-crosses.  (Seems to be a theme this week.)  For example, we learn the Alliance and the Zone have tried to make side deals with Daniel to steal Sky just for their empire.  But, the biggest surprise is that Daniel is (theoretically) working for the Destiny Man.  Obviously, Daniel made it a little farther into America than he's told people.

The issue starts with Dr. Elgin arriving at the Graves' home 30 years ago to send away Charlotte and Daniel; both parents apparently work for him and, presumably, Aurora.  The present-day Elgin is a nut job of the highest order.  He continues to claim that he received a prophecy that Charlotte and Daniel would save the land and believes that he has to walk them through the Spiral to do so.  

We come to learn that America is full of different states -- not just physical ones according to Elgin but also mental states.  Walls divide them and we learn that the Destiny Man has the key but doesn't know where the door to the next "state" is; Elgin does, however.  He wants the team to recover Bukowski because they'll need a pilot to move to the next state.  Daniel insists that they saw Bukowski die, but Elgin is pretty sure that they'll question him before they kill him.  (We see that Elgin is right, as the Destiny Man threatens to put Bukowski on "the wall" if he doesn't cooperate.  He also comments, referring to Aurora, that "she let you in," when Bukowski insists that they were invited.)

Despite Chang and Janet wanting to beat the answer from Sam and flee America, Charlotte reminds them that they need the cure.  (For his part, Ace wants to stay in America as long as possible.)  Daniel agrees that they need to flee, but also stresses that they need to free Bukowski to do it.  (I have my doubts that Daniel couldn't repair and fly the helicopter, but the revelation that he's working for the Destiny Man explains why he'd pretend they need Bukowski.)

The team attempts to enter the Destiny Man's headquarters, and Charlotte is disturbed when Daniel kills one of the guards.  He tells her that he's what she thinks he is:  he's done bad things and made bad deals.  But, he's trying to make amends.  Daniel has everyone put on the robes the guards were carrying and goes ahead to engage in recon.  In reality, he meets the Destiny Man's lieutenant, who tells him that the way has been cleared and asks if he's ready to fulfill his destiny.  Revealing the Destiny Man's tattoo on his (very, very taut) stomach, he tells the lieutenant that he's ready to do what "was agreed."

Also Read:  Dungeons & Dragons:  Infernal Tides #1

Over-a-Year-Old Comics: The December 11 (2019) Event Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!

It's been a while!  We had another child so I'm now officially 15 months behind the time.  I'll address that in a subsequent post, but let's move through the posts I had sitting in my draft folder first, shall we?

Annihilation - Scourge:  Beta Ray Bill #1:  This issue is as straight-forward as they come.  Bill and Lockjaw help save a planet from a monster, and they hang around a few days to join in the celebrations.  It conveniently means that they're on hand when the Sentry bursts into the Positive Zone.  Bill is quickly overwhelmed, but he manages to use Stormbreaker to hurl the Sentry back into the Negative Zone.  With the planet saved, he and Lockjaw head into the Negative Zone to retrieve Stormbreaker, as Bill has now reverted to his mortal form.  The most interesting moment comes when the Cancerverse's Dr. Strange initially possesses the planet's inhabitants.  Bill eventually defeats Strange, and the inhabitants revert to their normal forms, implying that, at least initially, the Cancerverse's corruption isn't permanent in the Positive Zone.  We'll see how relevant that is.

Annihilation - Scourge:  Silver Surfer #1:  This issue is perhaps the most consequential of all four one-shots.  It's tough going at first as it essentially serves as a post script to "Silver Surfer:  Black," which I didn't read.  Abnett does a solid job of walking us through Norrin's new status quo:  he's now intangible, and he fears that he's somehow part of the threat that he senses approaching the Universe.  He's also on hand when another tear in reality's fabric occurs, and he follows it into the Negative Zone.  He makes relatively quick work of the Cancerverse's Captain Marvel and Ronan, though he's forced to flee as more Revengers come his way.  He's surprised when they don't follow him into a planetary debris field, but he soon discovers why:  Bob Reynolds' human self is there.  Bob explains to Norrin that Mr. Fantastic was correct:  the Negative Zone could cure him.  But, the problem is how he was correct:  when Bob absorbed the Negative Zone's energy, it split him and the Void in two.  The Sentry that we've been seeing is the Void, not Bob.  The Cancerverse then drew the Void to it, which worked well given their complementary belief systems.  Bob informs Norrin that he's dying, since he's an incomplete being.  Norrin then realizes that he was part of this event not because he was connected to some sort of death energy, as he previously expected, but because he and Bob were both incomplete beings who could help.  He then merges with Bob, and they are presumably headed to find the Void.

Doom 2099 #1:  This "event" has been less an event and more glimpses into the new version of 2099 Marvel is pushing.  We still don't really have any idea why this new version of 2099 is different than the previous versions of 2099.  But, Marvel long ago seemed to abandon any commitment to continuity when it came to the 2099 line; I spent most of the recent "Spider-Man 2099" series just trying to piece together where exactly Miguel's new history (sigh) diverged from his old history (*sob*).  I'd look past it (yet again) if I thought we'd eventually get a new 2099 line, though I doubt it, particularly with the impact coronavirus has had on the comic industry's plans. 

At any rate, this issue is the best of the lot so far.  The previous issues haven't been bad, per se, but they all felt like the one-shots that were:  origin stories for characters we're unlikely ever to see again.  The Doom that Zdarsky gives us here is less ephemeral, since he's (theoretically) the Doom that we already know.  Zdarsky shows Reed Richards in our near-future trying to convince Doom to abandon his path as the United Nations prepares to invade Latveria.  Doom refuses, and Reed frantically tries to activate a time platform to buy more time.  Doom tries to stop him and ultimately awakens in 2099.  Initially amnesiac, he eventually confronts his future self who remembers the moment of how he first came aware of his new reality.  I don't remember how the the original Doom 2099 originally came to 2099, but by showing us how this one did (if it's different) Zdarsky at least gives us a greater connection to the characters.  It's no surprise that he, of all the authors, finds a way to do so.  But, he also has a trick up his sleeve as, on the last page, he reveals that the new Doom has Mr. Fantastic's powers.  

Unfortunately, we're not told why this new Doom's trip to 2099 would result in a different outcome than the one the existing Doom 2099 remembers.  But, maybe we'll get there at some point.  I only later realized that Doom is the person forging something from "Marvel 2099:  Alpha" #1, since Doom tells Uatu that he'll send the Kingpin after him, as he does here.  Uatu predicted Doom meant this Doom, and I'm guessing new Doom is the Doom who sends back Miguel in "Marvel 2099:  Alpha"#1.  Confused?  Me, too.  But, Zdarsky gives it the ol' college try here so I'm at least willing to see where we go.

Spider-Man 2099 #1:  I honestly have no idea what story Spencer is telling here, given the way that it ends.

The first 29 pages seem to laying the groundwork for new Miguel's origin story.  We learn that anyone working for Alchemax has to agree to take Rapture.  It enhances your cognitive functions, but it means that you're addicted to it; missing a dosage is lethal.  Although coming from a different angle, it's in line with the original "Spider-Man 2099" storyline where Miguel was similarly hooked to Rapture, though I can't quite remember why.  We also learn more about the mutated spider-man that we first saw mentioned in "Marvel 2099:  Alpha" #1.  A month ago Miguel visited Alchemax's lab in the Ravage to investigate the mutants it created hoping to find some new application for the research, since he hadn't invented anything for a while.  Miguel knows little about them, expositing that they're just rumors in Nueva York.  But, he finds little to replicate; the mutations occur simply because of the time people spend in the Ravage.  One night, he hears a spider-man mumbling.  He goes to investigate, and it attacks him, screaming "ouroboros," the same word the new Doom said to the existing Doom in the hope of disabling the Doombot.

In the present, Miguel is trying to deal with his Rapture addiction by seeking it from a pusher Downtown.  In exchange, he subjects himself to Mystique, which allows the pusher to steal his social credits for a while.  However, the pusher (who Miguel at one point hallucinates as the Green Goblin) wants more than the bargain, pledging that he's going to put good use to Miguel's credits.  Gabe and a group of Vultures save Miguel.  We learn that Gabe works in the boroughs trying to save the Thorites.  He disapproves of Miguel working for Alchemax, but he admits that Miguel had to do it to provide for him and his mother after their father died.  Here, Spencer is also staying true to Miguel and Gabe's original dynamic, though I'm not displeased to see an idealistic, instead of idyll, Gabe here.  (Gabe also brings Miguel to St. Patrick's cathedral, which made me smile.)  Miguel accuses Gabe of being overly idealistic, and Gabe admits that the Thorites and Vultures are brutally violent.  Like Miguel, he doesn't feel like he has a choice, since someone has to help the people born into the boroughs.  I liked Spencer emphasizing how both O'Hara brothers were essentially stuck on their own sides in situations they don't like.  At this point, Miguel leaves.  Gabe finds Miguel's Mystique pin, and he seems ready to use it to expose Alchemax's wrongs, something he pushed (to no success) Miguel to do. Meanwhile, Miguel hallucinates Spider-Man 2099 appearing before a graffiti-ed "ouroboros," and it seems like his powers are ready to manifest. 

At this point, I'm pretty happy.  As I've laid out here, Spencer is engaged essentially in a soft reboot of Spider-Man 2099, since most of the developments are similar to the ones that we saw in the original series.  However, Spencer then goes totally off the rails.  Miguel's powers don't manifest as expected.  Instead, he begins to "remember" "our" 2099, including the iconic first moments of "Spider-Man 2099" #1 where Miguel is escaping the Public Eye.  He collapses, only to find an old man standing over him who claims to be him.  Yeah, I have no clue either. 

Given that I enjoyed the first 29 pages, I'm also willing to give Spencer a chance here, depending on where this story ultimately goes.  But, as someone for whom Spider-Man 2099 is essentially this blog's totem figure, I also admit that I'm worried that I'll once again be disappointed that Marvel just can't capture the magic that Peter David did on the original series.

Not-Even-Remotely New Comics: The December 4 Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Annihilation - Scourge:  Nova #1:  Given this blog's focus on Nova, I was obviously excited about this issue.  I wasn't disappointed exactly, but it's definitely a mixed bag.

Rosenberg has always done a great job with down-on-their-luck characters; his Nova reminds me a lot of Havok from his "Astonishing X-Men" run, and I consider that a good thing.  I'm actually surprised Marvel doesn't more often tell this type of story, of a hero succumbing to the unrelenting tragedies that he's experienced.

Nova isn't just an alcoholic here, though Rosenberg underlines the fact that he is one when Rich experiences tremors after too much time without a drink.  Perhaps more significantly, Nova abandons the battlefield after encountering the Revengers.  Although his panic at the possibility of becoming infected again is certainly understandable, he doesn't give a second thought to abandoning Annihilus and the refugees that they were protecting.  This abandonment is particularly noteworthy since Nova had just stopped Annihilus from killing a crying child to silence it; as a result, the Revengers find them, as Annihilus feared.  Rich fleeing without thinking of the refugees' safety under Annihilus' care makes it clear that he's not thinking straight; his panicked flight is proof that he's broken.

The only downside of this issue is that Rosenberg has Annihilus and Nova engage in too much banter.  I love banter, don't get me wrong.  But, he almost writes this issue as a buddy-cop romp.  It not only doesn't fit the seriousness of Rich's predicament, but it definitely doesn't fit Annihilus' personality or their relationship.  It's almost like Rosenberg wanted to write a Nova and Star-Lord adventure, so he just did so anyway.  Thankfully, it doesn't totally overshadow my joy at seeing Rich in action, so I'm still looking forward to seeing where we go from here.

Annihilation - Scourge:  Fantastic Four #1:  I'm not really sure who the target audience for this issue is.  Any "Annihilation" story is a pretty deep cut when it comes to comics, so it's presumably aimed at a pretty serious reader.  But, Gage writes this story at an almost elementary-school level.

The moral of the issue is that Johnny learns that people can change.  On the face of it, it's an innovative reading of the Cancerverse denizens' psyches:  since they can't evolve past where they were when they were consumed, they aren't really alive.  In other words, we're not alive if we can't grow.  Johnny defeats the Fhtagn Four by using Reed's memory-projection device to show them the lives that "our" Fantastic Four have lived.  The Fhtagn Four thus understand the evolution as people that they didn't get to experience.  It inspires Ben and Sue to rebel against Reed's control, though ultimately Johnny incinerates them all to keep them a family.

The problem isn't this read on the Cancerverse, but Gage's script, which feels like it's pulled from an after-school special.  Sue has to explain to Johnny that he can be the annoying little brother and the Negative Zone's general, and you have to wonder how imbecilic Johnny is if he couldn't figure out that part on his own.  He's not a teenager anymore.  It's almost like a Women in Refrigerators situation, where the Negative Zone's civilizations are almost obliterated so Johnny can learn a valuable lesson about himself.  [Sigh.]

Die #10:  This issue is surprisingly straightforward, though it doesn't make this issue any less compelling.  

Ash tells Izzy that she's accepted the premise that they need to treat this world like it matters; as such, Ash is playing to win.  She, Izzy, and Zamorna begin the issue by invading Angria's military leader's house.  Izzy convinces the gods not to focus on the house so that the leader's holy symbols don't prevent Zamorna from entering.  Zamorna then smuggles in Ash, who uses her powers to compel the leader to tell them his worst secret.  It's apparently a doozy, and she uses it to blackmail him so that the military will allow her to enter the chamber where the Chainmaster enslaves Dictators to patrons.  (It's how Angria controls Dictators.)  She has the Chainmaster give her control of all of Angria's Dictators and thus Angria.

After telling Izzy that she trusts her, she then binds Zamorna to her because she doesn't trust him.  (She's still mad at him for using her to break Izzy's heart back in the day, though Zamorna pretty convincingly argues that a seventeen-year-old girl created him to be exactly that guy.)  She then has Zamorna marry her, installing herself as Angria's queen.  With Angria in her grasp, she says that they can go about establishing "order," which doesn't sound ominous at all.  Izzy warns Ash that the evil queen doesn't win, prompting Ash to respond, "Watch me."  Hans is splenderific on this page, imbuing Ash with beauty and menace to a terrific extent.

Meanwhile, Chuck gets so drunk that he can be sufficiently stupid to maximize his luck, using it to free Angela and Matt.  (They leave Sol chained.)  Ash sends Zamorna after them, though, as Chuck mentions, it seems unlikely Queen Ash wants to go home now that she has all the power.  As such, we'll see where we go from here, with the Boggle cube of alliances having been slammed onto the table.

Marauders #3:  Duggan gets Shaw exactly right here.  The entire issue revolves around his plans for a resurrected Shinobi, though we're mostly only given clues and hints about what they are.  We're also treated to Shaw's own spin on recent events, such as claiming that Emma used her powers to convince Charles and Magneto to make her the Hellfire Trading Company's CEO.

The first half of the issue takes place before Emma makes Shadowcat the Red Queen and shows Shaw's belief that he'll be able to install Shinobi in that position.  

The second half of the issue takes place after Emma has disabused Shaw of that notion.  Shaw instead makes Shinobi his Black Bishop, providing him with an invisible ship that clearly puts him in opposition to Shadowcat and the Marauders.  Shaw's plans become clearer here, as he mentions that the world's aging one-percenters own 90 percent of the world's wealth.  Since L extends human lives for five years, Shaw sees himself as having a five-year window to bleed them dry.  Shaw tells Shinobi that he wants him to serve as Krakoa's Coast Guard, and Shinobi and Kate are clearly going to have differing views on how to protect Krakoa and distribute the drugs (as we saw last issue).  

Duggan is leaning fully into Hickman's reboot here, using this dispute to highlight the larger philosophical divide amongst the Krakoa mutants.  So far, the more an author leans into the reboot, the more exciting the series is.  This series continues to be the best of the lot, to my mind.

Also Read:  Amazing Spider-Man #35; Ghost Rider 2099 #1; Venom 2099 #1; X-Men #3

Not-Even-Remotely New Comics: The November 27 Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Detective Comics #1,016: Tomasi does something rare in this arc, organically replacing Norah for Victor as Mr. (now Mrs.) Freeze.  Marvel got a lot of heat when it rolled out gender changes  too quickly, shoehorning in diversity in some cases at the sacrifice of the story.  Tomasi does the opposite here.

First, he reveals that Lex Luthor gave Victor the B-Zero Serum from "Forever Evil" that created Bizarro.  We also learn that the Serum is toxic to the amygdala, the brain's emotional-processing center.  Victor admits to Batman that he thought that he could successfully limit the toxicity where Luthor failed but now realizes that he was wrong.  He agrees to work with Batman to try to heal Norah, but Norah doesn't want him to heal her.  She accuses him of not wanting to "save" her because he loves her but because he needs her "frozen in more ways than one to give [his] life meaning."  (Um, fair.)  She injects him with one of his "special syringes," which accelerates his internal temperature.  Batman is forced to put him in frozen stasis in Arkham as Norah plots in the backwoods of Canada to freeze the world.  

Rather than forcing a change in identity, Tomasi builds the story step by step here, to the point where you wonder if Batman wasn't in a better place with Victor as Mr. Freeze, given how capable Norah is throughout this issue.

The Last God #2:  Given the scope of the story that Johnson is telling, this issue is pretty to the point.

Thirty years in the past, Tyr and his brother Torma are part of a reaver party poised to raid a village.  Before they begin, Tyr realizes that it's all too quiet.  As they move through the village, Tyr and Torma discover a man and girl hiding in a barn cellar.  Tyr initially believes that they're hiding from the reavers, but the father tells Tyr that the girl's mother is still lurking around the village.  Yup, it's the thorn monsters.  (Do we have a name for them yet?)  Tyr escorts Torma, the man, and his daughter in flight through the marshes, but one of the monsters grabs Torma.  Tyr follows it underwater, but Torma speaks to Tyr telepathically as his eyes turn black, telling him to let him go because the Void is so beautiful.  Later, the girl badgers Tyr with questions, noting that Torma didn't seem like a reaver.  She earns a slap from her father and departs in a huff.  Tyr tells the father that she was right:  Torma wasn't a reaver; he just went where Tyr led him.  The father reveals that the girl is Cyanthe and tells us that she has Teymsong, an art that "folk" think is lost.  Tyr then notices the cut on the father's arm as Cyanthe encounters a young Veikko on the river banks;  Veikko warns Cyanthe to take care.

In the present, Monster-Tyr tells Cyanthe that she's hurting him with her arrows, and she tells Monster-Tyr that if he were really Tyr then he'd know that his pain would please her.  Veikko beseeches Cyanthe to run, but she refuses to abandon her kingdom.  Still, they're forced to retreat as the onslaught is too much.  Veikko cuts off a guildsman's bracelet -- clearly a magical item -- of some sort and throws it at Monster-Tyr, flagging it for Cyanthe.  Cyanthe utters a magic word and fires her arrow at it, causing Monster-Tyr to explode.  (Clearly, the Teymsong amplified her arrow, though we don't yet know that; the father doesn't reveal her powers until later in the issue.  As such, it's a great surprise.)  Meanwhile, Eyvindr continues to fight his way through the hordes of thorn monsters, and two of them allude to the Last God knowing who he was before he was born.  (One of them calls him "His Grace.")  

Preparing to depart Cyulí, Veikko orders Valko to take all the Aelvans to Tchakatla Tuo, and we learn that Veikko (I thought that she was a he last issue) is Valko's mother.  Valko is furious that his mother intends to go to the Black Stair, spitting "Ferryman King" in disgust after she uses it to justify her orders.  Eyvindr gets Cyanthe on a horse, as she's clearly weakened, and they escape the burning city.  Cyanthe insists on returning, but Veikko tells her that the city is lost and that she knows where her path leads.  Tears in her eyes, Cyanthe recites a poem about the fall of the gleaming city of Cyulí.

Eyvindr now rides with Veikko and asks her what she meant by her earlier comment that it was all a lie.  He comments that he's killed Hakkon the Shamed a thousand times on the play-yard, and he'd be lost if he learned that Tyr failed to kill Mol Uhltep.  Veikko dodges the question, telling him that they'll gather the old allies, starting with Skol and the Guild Eldritch.  When Eyvindr presses her, Veikko simply says that they did something terrible to kill Mol Uhltep because they thought that they must.  Veikko also seems to guess correctly that Cyanthe is becoming a creature of the Void, as she has a daydream where she encounters a crying Tyr along the riverbank where they met.  He ominously tells her that Mol Uhltep isn't done with them yet.

Again, Johnson does a good job of not tripping over his world building, though he does come close to it a few times.  Either way, this series is one of the most exciting new titles in recent years from me, an excellent use of DC's Black Label.  I'm in it for the long haul on this one.

New Mutants #2:  OK, this issue, this issue, I love.  The banter sounds like the appropriate banter, unlike the first issue.  Most importantly, I'm warming to the way that Hickman writes Roberto as a pampered, pompous asshole who you just can't help loving.

Hickman spends the first three pages giving us Bobby's (perhaps skewed) version of recent events, which mostly focuses on how handsome and smart he is.  He tells us that his Earth lawyers are good because they're expensive; the fact that he just signed everything they put in front of him to safeguard X-Corp while he's in space maybe calls into question the "smart" part.  After all, as the interstitial page mentions, the space lawyer that his Earth lawyers got sucked.)

Thankfully, Hickman also makes it clear that only Bobby thinks that he's going to convince Sam to leave his "space wife" and "space child" to come home; everyone else is there to see Sam and because Bobby promised to let them use his second-best house in Rio for Carnival.  (Totally understandable.)  After they're convicted and remanded into Sam and Smasher's custody, Bobby complains that Sam doesn't look a mess, winning him a punch from Smasher.  ("To say noting of the fact that we left the kid at home with someone who is not our regular babysitter to come babysit you."  I seriously feel you, Smasher.)

Beyond Smasher later telling Illyana to form a line for punching Bobby, I think my favorite moment was Sam expressing clear pride over Doug creating Krakoan and getting a seat on the Council, particularly given his sheer delight over how annoyed Bobby is that they didn't ask him.  This entire interaction is great, as they laugh over banter that clearly only the two of them find hilarious.  It makes my heart glad.  I hope we stay in space forever.

Punisher 2099 #1:  This issue is hard to follow, mostly because Nadler and Thompson really swing for the fences.  This review is longer than I expected, but this issue really breaks down the dynamics of this new 2099 timeline, particularly how a person's social score dictates the contours of his life.

The issues begins with Lt. Hector Tago and other Public Eye officers confronting a Thorite mob.  When a Thorite wielding two hammers comes close to braining a helmetless Public Eye officer, Tago opens fire, killing the Thorite.  This scene unfolds as Tago reviews his "Iris," a drone that accompanies him at all times and records everything that he sees, smells, tastes, and feels.  The Iris then uploads these memories to the Vision, creating an enormous Public Eye archive.  We learn that Tago has become a hero as a result of his actions.

Jake Gallows discovers Tago hacking into the Vision and is impressed, wondering why Tago didn't become part of Sector 14, the Public Eye's "proactionary cybercrime prevention" unit.  Tago tells Gallows that he's reviewing the Iris' files because the moment the Iris recorded doesn't match his memory of the encounter.  Gallows tells Tago that he understands; he used to review his feed constantly (particularly after Thorites murdered his family) before "they" outlawed doing so because it drags one's attention from the present.  Gallows tells Tago that his family's murder also didn't match his memory when he reviewed the footage; Gallows ascribes this discrepancy to the fact that rage no longer clouded his memory.  Perhaps most importantly, Tago reveals that his grandfather became a Thorite after his "social score," which we see displayed occasionally next to a character, tanked.

Later, Tago encounters a street-cleaning robot gone rogue, spouting anti-corporation rhetoric, particularly about how the social-scoring system is ruining everyone's lives.  Tago connects to the bot to shut down its processor, and he's stunned to discover that it possesses a human's consciousness.  The consciousness belongs to a man named Kenji Walker, a former Alchemax "UX designer" arrested for insider trading who joined the Thorites.  After Tago has disabled him, Gallows alleges the Thorites helped Walker upload his consciousness into the bot.  Tago isn't buying that, though, since the Thorites aren't tech-savvy.

As Tago tries to fix his broken Iris, Gallows later tells him that they found the guy who helped Walker:  Davis Dunn, a "high-ranking A.I. specialist" who also worked for Alchemax.  Tago expresses surprise that he'd be a Thorite, and Gallows says that a lifetime of Syn-C doses will cure that.  (We learn that Syn-C allows a "criminal" to continue working but limits his brain capacity.)  At home, Tago finally manages to download the raw footage of the initial encounter and discovers that the Thorite definitely wasn't holding two hammers; Tago shot an unarmed man trying to get the other Thorite to drop his hammer.

Tago visits his destitute grandfather in his attempt to confirm whether or not the Thorite was armed, but his grandfather notes that it wouldn't make a difference, because they carry hammers as an expression of their faith.  Tago then enters the Vision again and discovers all sorts of footage of Gallows mowing down Thorites.  Tago's social score begins to drop for his incursions into the archives.  He visits Dunn, who reveals that the Public Eye, not the Thorites, had him install Walker's consciousness into the bot, which we learn Walker only wanted so he could see his boyfriend again after getting banished to the slums (presumably for the insider trading).  In exchange, the Public Eye would up Dunn's social score and get him a new apartment.  But, the Public Eye reneged on the deal, and now he's "a workhorse by prescription."  (I don't get here why the Public Eye would want Walker to upload his consciousness into the bot or why Walker would go on a rant instead of using his new abilities to get to his boyfriend.  Dunn seems to imply someone other than the Public Eye caught him, but who else would review the security tapes to discover that he was working with Walker?)

In Brooklyn, the Thorites have created a Yggdrasil from human sacrifices, and the Public Eye arrives to save the citizens, with orders to prioritize ones with scores above 50,000.  Tago arrives as the Punisher to take on Gallows, who argues that the Vision is only "altruistically" tampering the feeds to make them more productive in saving people's lives.  ("When everything's so transitory, all we've got is efficiency.")  Tago then snaps Gallows neck, completing his transformation.  He publicly releases the unedited footage of him killing the Thorite and then visits his grandfather, explaining that Hector is dead, that he "got what he deserved."

I'm not really sure how I feel about this issue.  It isn't terrible, but Nadler and Thompson don't use the flashback scenes well, making it confusing to tell where we are in the story at times.  Also, I'm not really sure they convince us why Tago would sacrifice everything to become the Punisher.  For example, the Thorites murdered Gallows' family; his anger, we understand.  Tago just had his memories edited, which, for someone living in 2099, doesn't seem that bad by comparison.  Without a better explanation of Tago's motives, it just feels like he became the Punisher because he had to do so.  Oh, well.  You can't win them all.

Also Read:  Conan 2099 #1

Not-Even-Remotely-New Comics: The November 20 Marvel Event Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Annihilation - Scourge:  Alpha #1:  Rosenberg does a great job here using the reader's knowledge of previous events and storylines to keep you engaged.  As a long-time fan of Marvel Cosmic, I appreciated that.

Anyone familiar with the Cancerverse recognized the squid-faced creature emerging from the survivor of the attack on Nefig.  Days later, after Annihilus and Blastaar join forces to prevent the Cancerverse from taking over the Negative Zone, Blastaar addresses his troops on Annihilus' homeworld, Arthros.  When a group of indistinct figures crashes on Arthros, a soldier asks Blastar what the explosion was.  When he answers, "Our defeat," I knew that it was the Revengers before I turned the page and saw them.  But, Rosenberg still manages to amp up the mystery when Annihilus and Blastaar express shock and horror over the Revengers' leader.  I initially thought that it was Thor from the glimpse of blond hair that we see, but Annihilus' and Blastaar's fear seemed disproportionate to "just" Thor.  Blastaar holds the line against the Revengers as Annihilus uses his portal to the Positive Zone to escape with some troops.

In the Positive Zone, Cosmo looks at a vomiting Rich Rider with dismay.  We know from "Guardians of the Galaxy" that Rich was already on stress-related leave before the Church of Universal Truth then destroyed the Nova Corps, so the fact that he's fallen so far into alcoholism is no surprise.  When Annihilus' ship almost crashes into the "second-best bar in the third-best spaceport in this sector," Nova reluctantly stops it.  However, he's so drunk that he doesn't recognize that it's Annihilus' ship until he discovers that Annihilus is the crash's sole survivor.   Annihilus tells Rich that they need the Nova Corps, and Rich informs Annihilus that they're dead.  Annihilus responds that they are as well, and we learn why he's so worried:  the Sentry is the Revengers' leader.

In other words, I loved this issue.  It's grounded so heavily in previous stories that it was particularly rewarding to read as someone who's loved all the previous Marvel Cosmic cross-over events.  Given Nova is one of the two characters mentioned in this blog's mission statement, I'm obviously a huge fan.  I've been pretty happy with Cates' treatment of him in "Guardians of the Galaxy."  Like Star-Lord, he's been through such much grief and trauma over the years, and I'm thrilled to see it addressed honestly, with him crumbling under the weight of it.  This event gives the authors the chance to really explore his struggle, and I hope they lean into it along the way.  I was apprehensive about this event, because I so wanted it to meet the same high quality of the previous Marvel Cosmic cross-over events.  I'm thrilled to say that it does.  I can't wait to see where we go from here.

Marvel 2099:  Alpha #1:  Like "Annihilation - Scourge:  Alpha" #1, I was very excited about this issue, since it involves the other character in this blog's mission statement!  That said, I'll admit that this issue was something of a miss for me.  I'm not totally disappointed, because Spencer certainly throws enough at us here to keep our interest.  But, it's also too much thrown at us really to follow.  Moreover, it becomes clear that Spencer is rebooting the entire line.  Whereas "Annihilation - Scourge:  Alpha" #1 built off years of previous stories, Spencer sweeps all previous 2099-related stories under the rug here.  It seems clear that this event will undo this new status quo at least in part.  But, I would've preferred to see Spencer follow Rosenberg's lead and build on existing stories.

At any rate, the issue starts with a young blond child finding Mjolnir in "the Ravage."  Before the child can grab it (as he or she hears someone chanting "worthy"), a pack of vaguely outlined humanoids appear and the child flees.  The humanoids appear to be some form of mutated humans, and I'm guessing the Ravage is an irradiated landscape.

In Brooklyn, Public Eye officers fight rampaging Thorites.  I only realized at the end of the issue that one of the offices is Jake Gallows (i.e., the Punisher 2099).  He's frustrated that they're just getting back-up because he's trying to complete his mission, finding some "guy from E.C.O." who works on cell therapy.  Apparently, a woman approached this guy to help her son, who suffers from "skullfire."  Realizing that he could cure it with an injection, the guy snuck into Brooklyn to help.  From the Public Eye officer's comment to Jake, it's clear that Brooklyn is total chaos all the time.  Jake informs the officer that they found the woman and child's body on "the pyres," though they were barely recognizable because the "drangs" didn't go easy.  Jake says that the E.C.O. guy was valuable to his "circle," but they find him hanging from ropes with a hammer dangling from his throat.

In Nueva York, Tyler Stone is thrilled with Miguel's progress on the Raider Initiative, and the only difference from Miguel's original origin story is that his research seems to come from studying a spider-like mutant from the Ravage.  Miguel expresses disapproval that Tyler is going to use the Initiative to steal other companies' intellectual property and not just defend Alchemax's, but Tyler brushes aside his concerns.  Miguel also stresses that he needs to do more testing, but Tyler is also unconvinced.  We all know where this story is going to go.

We then get to the heart of the matter.  Doom 2099 is holding Uatu hostage to monitor the Earth.  We learn that he is somehow responsible for this reboot, wiping the population's minds clear of their history.  Doom justifies his actions as saying that he's saving them from the "heroes," who we see fighting here in a flashback.  He is using Uatu to police this wipe, something that Nate Grey probably should've thought to do in "Age of X-Man."

We're then given glimpses of Conan 2099 and Ghost Rider 2099, a young thief who grifts people newly arriving at Transverse City, where the authorities can't arrest you so long as you keep moving on the Road That Never Ends.  

We move onto a bar full of "raiders," or mercenaries, where Venture (now a woman) prevents two raiders from destroying H.E.R.B.I.E. for parts, recognizing him as a relic from another time and possessing "unregistered processors."  H.E.R.B.I.E. is looking for his mother's friends, and he offers Venture something "better than money" that convinces her to help him.  (Apparently, money doesn't mean much here, but H.E.R.B.I.E.'s mother told him to go specifically there, which is probably why she didn't give him money.)  Doom tells Uatu that he'll leave H.E.R.B.I.E. alone in honor of his "mother," who's clearly the Invisible Woman.  Uatu warns Doom that the only thing he "sees" is something that he hears and that he knows that Doom also hears:  a bandaged man forging something, which means doom.  Doom dismisses it, saying that he'll send the Kingpin.  Uatu wonders if it's the beginning of the end of Doom, warning him that no matter how hard he tries, he can't snuff out man's very nature.

It seems hard to believe at this point that a cross-over event with so few issues is going to manage to tie up all the storylines that Spencer launches here, but we'll see where we go.  If you're not a huge fan of the 2099 line, I'm not sure this event is going to have much for you.

Amazing Spider-Man #34:  For the fact that Spencer is coordinating the Marvel 2099 event, this issue interestingly doesn't take place in 2099.  We remain in 2020 as Peter has to deal with the consequences of Dr. Doom's (alleged) assassination while Miguel desperately searches for Peter.

The only real piece of information that we get about the events in 2099 is that reality started changing in front of everyone's eyes.  Having read "Marvel 2099:  Alpha" #1, it's pretty clear that this change occurred when Doom altered history.  Interestingly, though, Miguel runs into Doom as he tries to flee the chaos emanating from the change, and Doom claims that he isn't responsible.  Doom sends him into the past to rectify the situation, as we saw last issue.

In the present, Jaime offers to make Peter a partner in Clairvoyant.  He notes that the device that he created is pretty limited in scope given its lack of access to enough power to really engage in quantum computing.  He's also afraid that giving it too much power would wind up changing the multiverse rather than scanning it.  Jamie gives Peter the device to try to figure out a way to solve that equation, saying that he trusts him.  (I think that we can all see where this plot is going.)  At that point, Spidey learns that the Hitman successfully shot Doom.  Spidey visits the body and, surprise, it's a Doombot.  Said Doombot is furious, but, before we can learn why (other than, you know, the assassination), Miguel arrives and pulls Spidey into a time-pausing dome.  Miguel explains that the future's scientists eventually figured out that our present and Miguel's present are linked.  Whereas Peter often encounters people from other futures, Miguel's future is our future, a superposition.  Miguel explains that he can't find anything to prevent his timeline's collapse, but, before he can elaborate, something explodes.  Meanwhile, an army of Doombots appears over New York and demands justice.  Ruh-roh.

All in all, it's a solid companion piece to "Marvel 2099:  Alpha" #1, as it hints at where we're going.  I'm intrigued by the duality of Doom telling Miguel in this issue that he wasn't responsible for the time change, but a Doom telling Uatu in "Marvel 2099:  Alpha" #1 that he was.  Otherwise, everything lines up decently, to the extent this issue deals with the larger event, which it admittedly doesn't do much.  We'll see if "Amazing Spider-Man" gets more involved as we progress.

Fantastic Four 2099 #1:  Holy fucking shit.  For 90 percent of this issue, you're just cruising along the road with Pacheco, maybe rolling your eyes a little at how the Fantastic Four is all lesbians until you realize the Invisible Girl is an Invisible Boy.  Sure, H.E.R.B.I.E. seems a little...unhinged, and he seems to be taking as gospel a possibly off-handed comment the Invisible Woman made years ago.  Then, suddenly, as the new Fantastic Four are putting their hands together, everything goes haywire:  the Human Torch attacks the Thing (her daughter, who seems made of ice) and then burns out entirely, and Ms. Fantastic turns herself into knots.  H.E.R.B.I.E. comments that he fixed them this time, and Venture suddenly realizes that we've got a problem.  We learn that the Invisible Boy's family was supposed to be the Fantastic Four, but the Thorites killed his family because they started to change.  (We don't get any reason why they started to change.  I think that it was H.E.R.B.I.E.'s doing, but I'm not sure.)  H.E.R.B.I.E. apparently then started exposing people to cosmic rays because his family got their powers that way.  He becomes unhinged telling Venture and the Invisible Boy this story, finally screaming "None of you are special enough!" as he unleashes a fusillade at them, killing them.  Yup.  You think you're getting clichéd "let's all put our hands together in friendship" story, but, nope, they're all dead now because H.E.R.B.I.E. is off his fucking rocker.  It isn't a perfect story, but, man, it's definitely a 2099 story.  I totally, totally didn't see that end coming.

Not-Even-Remotely-New Comics: The November 20 Marvel Non-Event Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Captain America #16:  Coates really kicks it up a notch here as we make our way through the second act of this drama.  First, we see a situation that we almost never see:  a powerless Kingpin.  Coates explains that HYDRA's overthrow of the United States left the NYPD decimated and that it's now impossible to tell if some of the remaining officers are HYDRA loyalists.  Fisk called the Power Elite for help, and they provided soldiers to act as "cops" to make sure Fisk had some control over the NYPD.  After last issue's massacre, Fisk suspects an inside job, and he wants Lukin to give him information on these "cops."  Lukin refuses.  When the Kingpin gets mad, she cows him with a show of sorcery.

Meanwhile, Misty and Steve stumble upon a former Scourge base where they encounter U.S.Agent.  Can I just say how glad I am to see John back in the game?  Spencer did great work with him in his run, in part because it was easy to believe that fascists could manipulate John into pressing Sam to give up the shield.  But, Coates adds some nuance here, as John rages against Cap for betraying him.  John clearly believes that Steve was the Supreme Leader, and Coates does a great job conveying John's very, very personal anger at Steve.  I loved Cap's response, as he tells John that he'll explain over a beer one day.  Yes, they'll probably yell at each other and throw a few punches, but then they'll be good.  But, Steve stresses that they don't have time for that right now.  John seems to agree, telling Cap that he's barking up the wrong tree:  Scourge is an idea, not a person.  Later, Misty realizes that she didn't recognize any of the massacred "cops" from her time on the force.  Toni's research backs up her hunch, as she learned that all but Cap's friend Larimore were rookies.  Cap goes to question Fisk about it, but Fisk is seemingly assassinated.

In other words?  Whoa.  Coates makes this issue feel like you're watching a really intense episode of "Law and Order," an approach that fits this series well.  It's a great issue from start to finish, and I look forward to reading this title so much every month.  It continues to be a great era to be a Captain America fan.

Conan the Barbarian #11:  Conan awakens as a boy in his Cimmerian village, unsure of how he got there and surprised to find himself staring at his parents.  They believe that he lost his memory due to a fall from a tree.  His father gives him a good slap in the head, arguing that another blow to the head might restore his memory.  They then tell him that they have work to do.  Of course, said work is fighting off an oncoming horde.  Conan realizes that everything isn't as it seems and abandons his parents to make for the nearby mountain, even though his mother warns him that the mountain doesn't like it when people climb it.  Conan ages as he climbs the mountain, dying an untold number of times in his battles with the scourges the mountain sends his way.  This entire sequence is really just Aaron's way of letting Asrar loose, and it's a wonder to behold.

By the time Conan arrives at the summit, he's a man and you feel like you've earned your spot there as well.  But, Conan isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, and he continually defies the voice encouraging him to leave.  Eventually, the voice reveals itself to be Crom himself, and Asrar is on fire here.  You really feel Crom's grandeur, and it really makes Conan essentially telling Crom to go fuck himself all the more profound.  Conan is appalled that Crom is willing to let the Earth suffer under Razazel until the gods get tired of it and go to war with him to stop his plundering.  Conan tells Crom that he's a king with a responsibility to his people and that he'll meet Crom's responsibility to his people if Crom is unwilling to do it.  Aaron injects just a tiny bit of exhaustion and frustration in Conan's rant, as he somewhat adolescently complains to Crom that he spread his word throughout the lands and Crom never noticed.  Crom eventually curses Conan by returning him to life to fight Razazel, telling him that he'll rue this conversation when he dies old and forgotten (as opposed to dying brave and strong, as he would've done here).

It's really just a great issue, delving into Conan's psyche in a way that we don't normally see laid so plain, particularly when it comes to his sense of responsibility.  The back-up story also underlines Conan's sense of honor and loyalty, as he once again climbs a mountain, this time to save Zelandra.  Put together, the stories make you almost feel sorry for Razazel and his child minions as Conan awakens to face them.

King Thor #3:  I feel like Aaron has lost some steam here.  The girls travel to the planet Indigarr, where Thor sent the gods without planets after the events of "Thor:  God of Thunder - Godbomb."  Elli prays and convinces her sisters to join her.  In so doing, they awaken Indigarr's gods, who they bring with them to join the fight against Gorr.   But, even as Thor and eventually Loki emerge from the Necro-Ocean and join the girls and gods in the fight, it doesn't do any good.  Despite the constant heroic pontificating from the gods, they lose.  Atli chops off Gorr's head, but they then realize all the stars are dark, because Gorr has become the Universe.  Although it's Thor flying to confront Gorr the Necroverse, salvation likely will come in the form of Loki, who picks up Elli's book as they make a last stand against Gorr.  At this point, it all feels a little ridiculous, like Aaron has accidentally upped the stakes too much, making any solution seem overly convenient.  How does Loki overcome a Universe?  I guess we'll see.

Marauders #2:  You get you some Bobby!

I loved everything about this issue.  I loved Kate leaning into pirating and getting knuckle tattoos and a great coat.  I loved Storm expressing an extreme dislike of Batroc (which totally makes sense, given who she is and who he is) and displaying an agitated annoyance that we rarely see from her.  ("'Kill no man.'  I made a promise to kill no man.")  I loved Batroc negotiating with Kate in an attempt to sell at least some of the pilfered antibiotics that the Black King hired him to protect.  I loved Kate telling Batroc that money grows on trees on Krakoa as she orders Pyro to burn it.  I loved Emma playing a clearly bankrupt Sebastian like a fucking fiddle.  I loved Pyro enjoying himself immensely the whole time.  I definitely loved Bobby kissing some random guy at a Taipei gay bar and Kate kissing her tattoo artist.  I loved everyone's response to their new ship, from Storm's small-lettered "Oh, Emma" to even Bishop deciding he didn't have to return to Taipei too quickly.  I loved how I can't even describe how witty all the interactions are throughout this issue as Duggan just really leans into the characterizations and the dialogue.  

In addition to his character-first storytelling, Duggan continues to embrace the specifics of the reboot, as he makes it clear that the Marauders are wiling to break humanity's laws (as they steal a pleasure craft in Tokyo to chase down the Black King's ship, much to Storm's nervousness) to ensure that Krakoa's drugs get to the right people.  (Kate makes a point of burning Sebastian's supply, which he redirected from the African country, where it was supposed to go, to a U.S. country club, as a reminder that the drugs aren't a scarce resource.)  This issue is the best of the reboot so far, if not the best issue of the year.  I'm really excited to see where we go from here.

Star Wars #75:  Pak wraps up this arc -- and series -- nicely, as he reminds us that Chewie and Threepio -- often the team's most overlooked members -- are the heart of this operation.

We pick up right where Pack lefts us last issue as Chewie manages to throw Vader into a lava-filled ravine.  However, Vader parts the lava and throws some at Chewie, scorching his fur.  Luke saves Chewie by using his powers to turn a single tumbling rock into an avalanche heading at Vader.  Chewie returns the favor when Luke miscalculates and sends himself and said avalanche right at Vader.  (Chewie leaping from rock to rock while carrying Luke and under fire from Stormtroopers reminds us just how committed Chewie is to his friends.)  Dar, Han, and Leia arrive just in time to save the pair (by landing on top of the Stormtroopers), and Luke informs them that the emp blast has left Vader wounded.  When everyone gets their blasters ready to take advantage of this rare opportunity to take out Vader, Dar hilariously asks Leia if all her friends are just like her.  When she flirts with him by saying that he should know because they're just like him, he joins the charge, saying that it'll be an honor to die among fellow champions.  Awww.  (Han is obviously less than amused.)

But, Vader is Vader, hurt or not.  He fends off the team long enough to set the stage for an unthinkable scene, as Stormtroopers arrive to help his injured self to his ship.  (He waves them off him, of course.)  When he arrives on the ship and an office tries to depart to save them, Vader uses the Force to strangle him.  As he uses the ship's power to reverse the emp blast, he tells the officer that "those with power do not run."  The renewed power brings Artoo and Threepio online again, but it also means the detonators are online as well.

Here, Threepio has his turn to shine.  Threepio is panicked over the impending implosion, and Leia exhorts the Kakrans to pile into the Falcon and Dar's shuttle to escape.  They refuse, instead taking Threepio with him.  K-43 begins to disintegrate, leaving Dar and Leia on one side of a ravine and the rest of the team on the other side.  (Han observes that Dar "always manages to end up right next to her," and Chewie playfully asks why Han would care.)  Threepio assures Chewie that he's safe with the Kakrans, and the Falcon and the shuttle depart.  Luke stays on K-43 and heads to his X-Wing to save Artoo, much to the Kakrans' shock.  Before the moon detonates, Luke arrives at his disabled X-Wing to depart with Artoo.  Once again, Artoo saves Luke by blasting off K-43 before Vader -- who was laying in wait, knowing that Luke would return for Artoo -- could grab him.

As K-43 explodes, the Kakrans reveal that they weren't worried about the detonators because the "moon" is really just a cocoon for their sleeping grandmother; she awakens, breaking apart the cocoon.  They tell Threepio that they helped him not for fear of their safety (they knew the detonators would only awaken their grandmother), but because of his concern for his friends and his friends' concern for him.  It's a wonderful moment.  The Elder tells Threepio that he hopes that the "flesh" remembers Threepio's heart that day.  As Threepio begins to tell him that he's an android so he doesn't have a heart, Chewie arrives in a spacesuit to collect him.  The issue ends with Threepio exulting in reuniting with his friends (and telling Chewie to stop hugging him lest he get fur in his gears).  An android with a heart indeed.

This entire series was spectacular, from start to finish.  It felt like such an honor to spend time with these characters in this way, with each arc feeling like an additional movie worth of emotions and experiences.  I love the fact that the next series will follow "Empire Strikes Back," and I can't wait to join the gang again for more adventures.

Also Read:  Guardians of the Galaxy #11

The End of Paternity Leave

I'm back!  We're now a family of five, dog included.  My paternity leave from comics, so to speak, coincided with the comics industry's coronavirus pause, so I'm only 150 comics behind, not 200+.  It helped that I pared down my pull list a few months ago, reducing my superhero comics to long-time favorites like Captain America, Spider-Man, and the X-Men.  However, I found that I missed these comics less than I did the non-superhero ones, such as "Die," "Undiscovered Country," or "The Weatherman."  As such, I'm returning to blogging with a new approach.  I'll stay current on what I'm calling the top-shelf comics, the ones that I really missed during my leave.  For the rest -- mostly the superhero comics -- I'll read them once I'm current on the top-shelf ones.  In terms of formatting, Blogger updated itself while I was gone, and I'm one of many people having issues with the fonts.  Hopefully they'll fix it soon, but, in the meantime, you'll notice a change in the new posts.  Onwards and upwards!

Not-Even-Remotely-New Comics: The November 20 Non-Marvel Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Batman:  White Knight Presents Von Freeze #1:  It's hard to critique a comic that the author says resulted in him crying hysterically over his estranged relationship with his parents at brunch with an artist who he idolized.  In other words, I'll try to be gentle.

This issue isn't terrible by any stretch of the imagination, but it confuses me.  First, we learn that it fits between "Batman:  Curse of the White Knight" issues #6 and #7, even though DC hadn't yet published issue #5 at this point.  I'm left to assume that Dr. Fries will become more relevant and, presumably, tragic by issue #8.  I only vaguely remember him from the first series, making this issue feel all the more unmoored from the main story that Murphy is telling.

But, even if I read it in the proper sequence, I'm not sure that it would improve my understanding of why it exists.  Virtually the entire issue is exposition, as Fries describes his family's past to Thomas Wayne.  It doesn't help that the reason they're in this situation is ridiculous.  Martha is pregnant with Bruce, and Thomas brought her to see Fries' lab, which he's funding.  Martha has a complication with the pregnancy, forcing Fries to use his cryogenic equipment to freeze her until such a point when they can address the problem.  Fries is telling Wayne his story to keep his mind off Martha and the baby.  Sure, OK.  A good Holocaust story always cheers up a man worried his wife and child are going to die.

It's also hard to tell what Murphy wants us to feel about Victor's father, Baron von Fries. He joins the SS as a way to continue his research, even though he's hiding his Jewish partner and his partner's extended family in their joint lab.  At several points throughout the story it seems clear that the Baron doesn't have his partner's best interests at heart, but Victor's recollections often portray him as always trying to do right by his partner.  I get that it might just be a son's skewed memories, but Murphy doesn't do anything to convey that.  I'm just connecting the dots that Murphy himself left unconnected.

Honestly, given the struggle that I'm already having with the main series, I feel like Murphy might have been better served spending more time tightening up that story rather than taking us on this journey that we didn't really ask to take.

The Weatherman, Vol. 2 #5:  Christ on the cross, Kathleen.  This issue is insane, and I mean that in the best possible way.  It's actually very straightforward for how significant it is.  But it's one of the wildest rides that I've ever taken in a comic.

It turns out Nathan didn't become a biophagus construct.  At the last minute, he decided not to sacrifice himself to the biophagus mob.  Instead, he stole the soldiers' ship at Syngen Station and flew to Dr. Argus' lab to pick up his lab assistant, Regi.  (Before they left, they apparently had milk and cookies, which excited Nathan greatly).  Regi then assumed Nathan's form upon arriving at Skyborough and starts taking down Skyborough's soldiers.

In the present, Kestrel's assistant/lover Vager wants to evacuate her, but she refuses.  She tells him to exterminate the construct (i.e., Regi) since they've only survived this long through keeping the biophagus on the surface; if it comes to Skyborough, they're all dead.  Speaking of the surface, the rest of the team gets loaded onto the next transport to feed the biophagus before Nathan can board.  Nathan wonders what Cross would do when he notices their ship in Skyborough's hanger.

On Mars, the president had a director stage the terrorist attack, using already dead bodies (presumably of people they didn't kill explicitly for the attack...) instead of living people.  They've captured Jenner's agent, Djinn, and she confirms that Jenner has a psychic, explaining why Jenner has successfully rooted out Arcadia's attempts to infiltrate his operation.  Unfortunately, Djinn has resisted their probes; they just learned that Jenner is somewhere on Venus.  The President is discouraged and tells Councilman Cyrus that they can resume thermal drops but she first asks a favor as she looks at Cross' image.

On Earth, the team lands and starts to run from the biophagus, but it looks grim.  However, Nathan hits a bunch of buttons on the ship and it turns out the ship is a Transformer.  He's now basically Voltron and saves the day!  Woot!  White Light takes the controls as Nathan explains to Cross how he got there, as described above.  (Earlier, he commented to himself as he struggled to fly the ship that it's much harder than it looks and he now understands why White Light acts like she's surrounded by idiots.)  White Light destroys a few large constructs only for the kid from last issue to unleash his bomb aboard one of the transport ships, sending it straight at Voltron.  

On Skyborough, Kestrel realizes that the biophagus will attack the station given the kid's action have destroyed half its food.  She tells Vager to evacuate the city because it's over and they share a kiss.  The biophagus forms essentially an enormous Mothra and starts tearing through Skyborough.  White Light docks with a burning Skyborough, and Cross attempts to depart the ship to retrieve Ian Black's memory drive.  Oddly, Nathan is the voice of reason, convincing her that it's hopeless.  He promises her that they'll find Jenner another way.  Tellingly, Cross listens to him, a sign that Nathan is becoming less of a jester as the story advances.

On Skyborough, Kestrel straps on a bunch of guns to fight the biophagus, telling it that she's been waiting for this moment her whole life.  She then sees Mero in the construct, and she's frozen in grief as the construct crashes over her.  Dr. Argus emerges from the crowds fleeing to the escape transports, and Cross pulls him onto their ship.  Argus offers his hand to Regi, telling him that he could save humanity.  Regi simply comments, "'I know this hurts'" (echoing Dr. Argus from issue #2), and Regi explodes with Skyborough as Argus screams in fury.  The ship then closes its doors and departs.  

Whoa.  I assume that we're going to Venus in volume 3 to get Jenner, since Cross no longer needs Black's memory drive to find him.  But, man, I'm going to need a few months before I can handle that story.  I'm just afraid what LeHeup is going to do to us next issue!