Convergence: Detective Comics #2 (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

This issue just simply isn't very good.  No one makes a lick of sense.  Despite knowing that she can't possibly even hope to destroy Superman with the tactics that she uses here, Helena keeps going at him, despite his repeated entreaties to talk.  Dick spends the entire issue vacillating between wanting to talk to Superman and wanting to help Helena.  Superman himself suddenly gets menacing when the people of Moscow appear behind him demanding that he kill the Dynamic Duo, but then he simply decides not to do so.  In the end, Dick and Superman agree to a draw, but, rather than destroying their cities, as promised, Telos simply sends Dick and Helena home.  Plus, we even get the appearance of pet peeve #3 here, as Helena implies that someone or something was manipulating her to be as irrational as she was, but Wein never provides more details.  Honestly, it was all just a confusing jumble.  Plus, Wein relied on a number of convenient devices -- like Superman's apparently all-powerful "super-vision" and the appearance of a kryptonite-bearing Batman -- to keep the story going.  At the end of the day, I'm just glad this event is over.

** (two of five stars)

Convergence #8 (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

OK, I'll admit that King and Lobdell do a better job than I thought possible wrapping up this story.  It's not perfect, but it's not as terrible as it could've been either.

Thanks to the convenient arrival of Waverider, the heroes learn that Brainiac can (magically) absorb some of the temporal energy that Parallax unleashed when he killed Deimos.  To that end, Waverider frees Brainiac, though the heroes still view him as a threat.  But, Brainiac reveals that he wants to help.  After he survived Flashpoint, he traveled the multiverse to collect knowledge, but he fell victim to the crises and they apparently turned him into the monster that he is now.  (Yeah, I don't get it either, but let's just keep going.)  He reveals that he wants to become who he was before he was corrupted.  He plans to use the temporal energy to send everyone home, because it will reset the multiverse (I think).  However, the first crisis proves "too strong," so he sends back a pre-Crisis Flash, Supergirl, and Superman (along with a redemption-seeking Parallax) to stop the multiverse from collapsing in that crisis.  They succeed off-page, and Brainiac is able to reset the mutliverse.  We learn that each world has now evolved, but they still exist.  The exception is Earth-2, but, as a parting gift, Telos shifts the abandoned planet to the Earth-2 universe after Brainiac strips it bear.  Brainiac was apparently suppressing the Green on Telos; with him gone, Alan is able to regrow the world.  He also hears the evacuating ships' distress signal, now allowing for Telos the planet to become the New Earth 2 (while Telos the person searches for his family and people).

This ending obviously has several implications.

First, Earth 2 is now reborn on its own planet.  This development is huge, since it basically rejects the outcome that "The New 52!:  Futures End" and "Earth 2:  World's End" predicted, that the survivors would re-settle on the New 52!'s Earth.  In fact, earlier in this event, it seemed like the outcome was going to be the Earth 2ers becoming the winning "society" and surviving Brainiac's experiment.  In a way, it is actually the outcome, even though it doesn't happen through gladiatorial competition.  Moreover, it's more uplifting than we probably had any right to expect.  King and Lobdell purposefully seem to downplay some of the darker elements, such as the possibility that Dick's son was either dead or in the hands of a villain; he's seen excitedly telling a nice-looking woman on the deck of an evacuation ship that he knows that his father is alive.

Moreover, it seems unclear where we are now with "our" Earth.  I really know nothing about the various crises, but, if the first crisis didn't happen, it seems like it should have a profound impact on the current universe.  That said, though, it's impact would still be filtered through the impact of Flashpoint, so it's definitely unclear to me how much DC is going to use this event to rewrite its past and present.  Is it "Flashpoint" 1.5?  I guess we'll see.

In the end, it was an OK ending to a terrible event.  I could dwell on all the outstanding questions and bizarre twists, like the fact that we still don't really know why Brainiac created Telos in the first place or the fact that Deimos wound up being a totally inconsequential part of the overall story.  But, in the end, I'm just glad that it's done in a way that (finally) brings the story revolving around the destruction of Earth 2 to a close.  I'll consider it a win, even if it was a win in a game that we didn't have to play in the first place.

** (two of five stars)

Convergence #7 (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

All right, let's just get it done here.

The battle royale is under way when Yolanda (conveniently and inexplicably) realizes that Deimos holds the power of death and that he's afraid of Telos.  She concludes that he organized this battle to create more death and thus more power for him.  This revelation gives the super-villains pause, since Deimos probably isn't going to honor his promise of turning over Telos to them if they win.  Telos arrives, and they engage in a scuffle.  However, Hal Jordan (I think the Parallax version of him) grows bored and destroys Deimos.  Telos reveals that Deimos' absorption of the Time Masters' powers meant that he had full control over the past, present, and future (though he didn't yet realize it), meaning that Hal essentially destroyed reality in destroying Deimos.  On cue, reality begins to crumble.

It's really hard to tell where we're going here.  This entire event is like the "Age of Ultron," where we're so far from the original premise that it's hard to know what story the authors are telling.  Where's Brainiac?  What's happening in the cities on Telos?  What did Deimos want?  It seems unlikely that we're going to get answers in the last issue.  (Two stars is probably a gift, but after giving this series and its tie-in issues so many one- and zero-star reviews, I'm feeling guilty.)

** (two of five stars)

Convergence: Batman: Shadow of the Bat #2 (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

"But I've punched out more people than you've kissed" is a phrase that Batman utters in this issue.  It's probably all you need to know about it.

Hama follows in Simone's footsteps in "Convergence:  Nightwing and Oracle" #2 and keeps this issue primarily focused on Azrael and Batman's battle with Wetworks.  But, for an action-oriented issue, it's excessively wordy.  At some point, Hama just seems to be proving that he knows a lot about ships and weapons; the characters pretty much just talk about where they are and where they're going throughout the issue.  When the end finally comes, it doesn't off much in the way of resolution.  Azrael miraculously convinces the leader of Wetworks to join Batman in an attempt to take the battle to Telos, though they're just likely to be part of the scenery in the fight that I expect we'll see in "Convergence" #7.  That's it.

To be fair, Hana is really the only author that I've read that makes his characters confront the citizens of the other city, the one whose champions that they're trying to defeat.  (Azrael and Batman are aided by a woman whose son they saved.)  But, again, the narration is just too much and the event just too lost.

* (one of five stars)

Convergence #6 (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

King abruptly shifts direction here, confirming that the focus of the superheroes' battle has changed from Telos (and, to a lesser extent, Brainiac) to Deimos.  Given the fact that the original plot wasn't all that interesting, it might actually be a good move.

The confusing part about this issue is that the superheroes and super-villains are suddenly wandering the world.  It took me a minute to realize that it's because the domes have been dropped, so everyone can interact with one another now.  It sets up a battle royale after Deimos promises the super-villains control of Telos if they win.  We still have no idea what Deimos wants, but at least the art should be interesting next issue.

Meanwhile, Dick finds Telos and convinces him to help the superheroes win so that he can find his family and people (assuming that Deimos knows where they are).  It's a solid option for Telos, but I still don't understand what the Earth 2 heroes think is going to happen.  Dick says that they would be returned to their worlds, but the whole point of this event is that the cities come from destroyed worlds.  They should actually be fighting for control over Telos, just as the super-villains are, since it's the only viable option.

Oh, did I mention Telos is inserting itself into the DCnU?  It is.  I don't know what it means, but I guess I should mention it.

** (two of five stars) 

Convergence: Nightwing and Oracle #2 (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Probably not surprisingly given the characters involved, Simone delivers the best "Convergence" tie-in issue (in fact, probably the best "Convergence" issue) that I've read.  She does it by keeping her focus on the matter at hand -- the battle between Barbara, Dick, Hawkman, and Hawkwoman -- while also remembering that the whole point of this event is indulging in some nostalgia for departed characters.

First, as I said, the battle is pretty solid.  A lot of other battles that we've seen in the tie-in issues have involved all sorts of complicated politics as the heroes try to avoid having to kill anyone to satisfy Telos' demands.  In fact, the first issue of this series suffered from exactly that problem, as the Hawks tried to force Babs and Dick to accept their rule to save their Gotham.  But, Simone keeps us on familiar territory:  Dick negates the Hawks' ability to fly with his acrobatic skills, and Babs turns their own technology against them.  It's much better than Stephanie convincing Catman to surrender in "Convergence:  Batgirl," or Bruce, Damian, and Jason fighting some nobodies in "Convergence:  Batman and Robin."  When the victory comes, it actually feels like one.

Along the way, Simone also remembers to make it about Babs and Dick.  It obviously helps here that Simon knows the characters so intimately; it avoids creating the sort of uncharacteristic outpouring of emotion that we saw from Batman in "Convergence:  Batman and Robin" #2.  When they wed at the end of the issue, it feels real.

Interestingly, the wedding opens up a question that has been in the back of my mind throughout this event, but that I hadn't fully formed yet.  It takes places at some point after the pair's victory over the Hawks, implying that some period of time passes between when the champions win their fights and Brainiac or Telos activates the next phase.  If it were a real competition, this next phase would be another round of fights, but, given that each mini-series is only two issues, we know that's not going to happen.  As such, it implies that something happens in the main title to prevent Brainiac or Telos launching the next round.  But, since we haven't really heard anything about the competitions in that title, it's still unclear what it could be.

But, hey, I think three stars is the highest that I've given to any "Convergence" issue, so I'm just going to take the win.

*** (three of five stars)

Convergence: Batman and Robin #2 (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Honestly, this issue reads like it was written by a ten-year-old.  Batman suddenly declaring that he loves Damian?  Batman morosely musing about the impact that the loss of his father had on him (and his rude dismissal of the role that Jonathon Kent played in Superman's life)?  Jason actually thanking Damian (all because he prevented him from falling off a rooftop, as if Jason couldn't find a way to stop his fall on his own)?  It was all just so awkward and stilted.  Plus, I have no idea who they're fighting.  Are they bad guys on their own world?  Are they good guys forced to fight Batman because of Telos' competition?  Marz never says.  Trust me that it's awful and save yourself the money.

zero of five stars

Convergence: Batgirl #2 (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

On the (very limited) plus side, we get some more information about Catman and Grodd in this issue.  Catman was in Gotham to find weapons to fight Grodd, and Grodd had followed him there, when the dome fell.  Grodd lost his super-powers, turning into a regular ape.  Once Telos lifted the dome, he regained his powers and went after Catman.  The two of them were fighting in Gotham when the globes transported them to the desert arena.  The part that I still don't get is why Catman told Stephanie that he was fighting her as a delaying tactic last issue.  I originally thought that he was colluding with Grodd to save his/their city, but it's clear from this issue that it wasn't the case.  But, I guess that I'm not going to get any more clarity on this front.

On the (very significant) negative side, this issue is quite simply a mess.  Tim suddenly starts acting like an ape, a continuation of his weird behavior last issue.  However, amazingly, Kwitney never explains why Tim started acting this way.  Worse, the conflict gets resolved when Stephanie convinces Catman to lose.  Catman agrees because he lost everyone that he loved back home.  I get that he doesn't feel like that city is his home anymore, but he's really willing to kill off everyone else in that city without a second thought?  Plus, his actual city is Cape Town, not Gotham, so it doesn't really matter anyway.  Is he essentially committing suicide?  After all, if he and Grodd are really returning to Cape Town, as he says at the end of the issue, then they're returning to a world on the verge of destruction.  Is he really ready to so willingly embrace that?

I could continue, but I won't.  The only reason that I'm giving this issue one star is that the final scene between Stephanie and Tim -- where they can't have sex because they're both too bruised -- is cute.  Otherwise, I'm planning on forgetting about this mini-series as soon as I can.

* (one of five stars)

Convergence #5 (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

OK, I've decided to do what I did with "Batman Eternal" and "Earth 2:  World's End" and just read everything at once so that I can be done with it.  Here we go.

I honestly have no idea how we get to where we are at the end of this issue.  At the end of last issue, it appeared that Deimos was planning on freeing Brainiac to get power as a reward.  It wasn't clear why he wanted that power and what he was going to do with it, but it seemed to be the deal.

However, in this issue, it's totally unclear why he summoned Brainiac.  He clearly swiped enough power from the Time Masters to hold off the Wonders and Warlord, so it seems unlikely that it was just for power.  His only interaction with Brainiac is to taunt him by revealing Telos' origin:  he was originally a man who agreed to serve Brainiac if he spared his family and people, not a planet made sentient (as he believed himself to be).  But, King doesn't explain why (other than taunting Brainiac) Deimos decided to return Telos' memories to him or why he summoned Brainiac in the first place.  In fact, both actions seem to undermine Deimos' position.  The Wonders now consider both Brainiac and Telos as viable (if troubling) options to defeat Deimos, whereas they were previously on their own.  Given that Deimos is now trying to unite the cities under his leadership, it seems beyond foolish to throw a bone (or two) to the rebels.  (Also, I should mention that we never learn why Brainiac is imprisoned in the first place.)

I could continue, but let's stop there.  Only three more issues...

* (one of five stars)

Convergence: Detective Comics #1 (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

This issue starts out better than its siblings, but it collapses into inanity at the end.  Plus, it suffers the original sin of all the "Convergene" books, since the rules of the "game" at the heart of the event are neither clear nor consistent.

Initially, Wein does a solid job of delving into the impact that the "dome" has had on the two worlds that he examines here:  the pre-"Flashpoint" Earth 2 and the "Red Son" Moscow.  His exploration of the Red Son's world is the best, as a powerless Superman becomes increasingly desperate to hide his weakness from the people that he rules.  (I keep forgetting that the domes magically rob metahumans of their powers.)  His Earth 2 is a little weaker, with Dick oddly indifferent to the presence of the dome in way that Wein doesn't explore as fully as it probably merits.  (He seems to want us to think that Dick has a reason not to be affected, but it isn't really all that clear.)

But, the wheels fall off the bus when the dome is removed and the two sides come into conflict.  Wein portrays Helena as a hysterical woman jeopardizing the attempt by Robin and Superman to work out a deal.  (Dick even calls her "impulsive" at one point.)  It's not just the passive sexism of this portrayal that I found problematic.  Helena is also uncharacteristically dumb.  Her "plan," such as it is, is just to fire larger and larger explosives at Superman, despite the fact that she surely knows that anything without kryptonite isn't going to be effective.  Plus, she's not just "impulsive," but also inconsistent.  Just after Telos' speech, she expresses disbelief that he wants them to casually commit murder, but then she pretty easily embraces exactly that position when they confront Superman.

I have no idea why I'm still reading any of these stories.

** (two of five stars)

Convergence #4 (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

We begin the issue by learning that Telos believes that Brainiac ordered him to set the cities against each other, though it appears that Brainiac may have intended that process to take several eons and Telos has decided to complete the "experiment" in just a few days.  Although this information might give us a little more clarity on the overall plot, it still doesn't explain why Telos decided to accelerate the timeline.

In his long stretches of exposition (occurring as part of a conversation with a paralyzed Dick), Telos keeps referring to the "society" that will emerge victorious.  Given that the new Earth 2 series is called "Earth 2:  Society," is it a foregone conclusion that the Earth 2 heroes will "win" this contest?  Seemingly supporting that possibility, Deimos refers to them as the original heroes reborn; allegedly, it's why they're at the center of the "convergence."  I'm not really sure why we would need this event just to send them to the DCnU, since it's pretty clear that the other survivors are headed there, but I'll reserve judgement until the end.

Speaking of the heroes, they decide to help Deimos attack the Warlord here.  Although they realize the errors of their ways once Deimos disappears after they make it over the gates, you have to wonder how King expects us to believe that they were so trusting.  I get that they're in a bad spot, but they're literally supporting the first person that they met in the conflict.  No one thought that it may be a bad idea until Deimos disappeared?  It's not like Deimos even fooled them with a complicated story; he basically just told them that the Warlord was the bad guy.

The issue ends with Deimos revealing that he's a dark mage, but stressing that his goals are still the same as the heroes'.  He uses the powers of the "Time Masters" to summon some sort of portal to where, we learn, Brainiac is imprisoned.  (It's unclear how or why he was imprisoned.)  Brainiac promises to give Deimos anything that he wants if he frees him, though it's unclear what it is, exactly, that Deimos wants.  Does he want to rule Skararis, even if it's a dying city on a dying planet?  I guess we'll see.

I'm really just trying to grin and bear this series.  I'm at least engaged with the fate of the Earth 2 heroes; I can't imagine how awful it must be if you didn't read "Earth 2."  One more issue down, four more issues left.  Maybe something'll make sense at some point.

** (two of five stars)

Convergence #3 (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

In this issue, we hit the problem that I knew we were going to face:  we encounter a group that I don't recognize, but that seems to be extremely important to the story.

Thomas and Grayson use the "Batmobile" that they borrowed from Bruce to re-join the team just in time for them to take out Telos' drones (this world's version of the para-demons, I guess).  Thomas lets the heroes know that no reinforcements are coming, since every city is fighting for its life.  The Deimos guy that the team encountered last issue says that he knows how to defeat Telos if they just follow him, and, despite their misgivings, the Earth 2 heroes decide that they have no choice.  (I buy that.  I mean, sure, he's totally the witch leading them to the gingerbread house with candy, but they really don't have another choice here.)  Thomas decides to stay, and Grayson stays with him.  Thomas reveals that he didn't go with the team to the center of Telos because he's got no more Miraclo and he knows that someone followed them from Gotham; he wants to make sure that they don't go after the team.  On cue, the pre-DCnU crowd of Morrison villains appear, and Thomas detonates himself to kill all of them.  Grayson is spared (since Man-Bat was carrying him above the explosion at the time), but he's shot in the gut by the Joker.  Somehow, getting shot in the gut results in Dick not feeling his legs, but Telos snaps the Joker's neck before he kills Dick, because he wants Dick to tell him where his friends are.

Meanwhile, Deimos (who we're clearly supposed to recognize) leads the Earth 2 heroes to Skataris, a city in the center of Telos.  (I think that we're supposed to recognize it, too, but I'm not 100-percent sure.)  Deimos says that he was dethroned, but I'm no sure who dethroned him.  Someone named Monarch (the person that I first thought to be the usurper) tells someone named Degaton that he would kill him and their jailer if he had access to his chronal powers.  Degaton says something equally combative, noting that he can't fight Monarch because of their "jailer's pet."  Said pet seems to be a woman named Shakira, but she places them -- with the other "Masters of Time" -- in some sort of stasis because Deimos needs them.  So, is she the jailer or the pet?  If she's the jailer, who's the pet?  Again, I feel like we're supposed to recognize the characters, and it would all make more sense if we did.  But, I don't, so, as usual in this series, I'm lost.

** (two of five stars)

Convergence: Batman: Shadow of the Bat #1 (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Honestly, I almost can't do these reviews any more.  But, I'll give it a go.

Azrael and Batman both try to infiltrate the same gang run by someone named Whale, because he's trying to hijack the food-supply trucks that keep Metropolis fed.  (Yes, I have no idea really why we're in Metropolis and not Gotham.)  Bruce has decided to do it the hard way so that he can make sure that Whale is caught in the act and brought to justice.  However, we're never given the reason why Jean-Paul doesn't just kill Whale.  He just announces that he "thought an inside job was the way to go."  It honestly doesn't seem like his style.

Then, blah blah blah, Whale orders them to get someone to give them the secret route that the trucks take, blah blah blah.  (To be fair, the best moment in this issue is when Bruce sympathetically watches the daughter of the city councilman that gave them the route cry on the news, since Whale had him killed once he divulged the secret.  Of course, he gave up the information because Jean-Paul recognized him as a Ponzi schemer from Gotham and threatened to expose him, so you shouldn't feel bad for him.  Just his daughter.)  Whale and his gang take out the drivers of the trucks so that they can nab them with tow trucks, and Azrael and Bruce try to stop them.  Fighting ensues.

Then, everything gets weird.  We're once again given Telos' speech, but Wetworks appears just before then, revealing that they're there to check out the competition.  But, how do they know that Azrael and Bruce are the competition?  Again, we've got really differing ways that champions are chosen and informed.  After all, how do they know that they're their city's champions and Azrael and Bruce are Metropolis' champions before Telos makes his announcement?  (For that matter, where's Superman?)  Then, Bruce somehow magically senses a "time-slip," but we learn that it's not Wetworks doing it.  

Honestly, I just have no idea what happened here at the end.  The first part of the issue was one of the better explorations of how a group of heroes was making it work under the dome, but we just lose the plot here at the end, literally.

** (two of five stars)

Convergence #2 (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Maybe I've just become inured to how bad "Convergence" is, but this issue didn't feel as terrible as the rest of them.

I think this issue is marginally more readable because we at least have something like a plot developing.  Alan taps into the planet's power to try to take down Telos.  He fails (since, after all, Telos is the planet), but he catches a glimpse of Telos' thinking in the process.  He learns that Telos fears some sort of underground city, so they wisely head there.  Meanwhile, Thomas realizes that he can head to a nearby Gotham to get some support from its version of Bruce.  King oddly decides not to allow us to be party to their conversation when they meet, so it's left to Pagulayan to (successfully) convey the gravity of the moment.  King's only real contribution to these scenes is the foreshadowing that he weaves throughout them, using Dick's narration to make it clear that something terrible happens as a result of this meeting.  ("But if I knew then what I know now...I'd never have let him open that door.")  Meanwhile, the heroes encounter someone named Deimos, and he claims that he can lead them off the planet.

That said, this issue is far from perfect.  It begins with a re-telling of Grayson leaving his son to board the evacuating ships, this time showing a mysterious woman taking possession of him.  I honestly don't remember that from "Earth 2:  World's End," but, given how I felt about that series at that point, it's possible that I missed it.  Then, we've got the fact that Telos is allowing the Earth 2 heroes to live.  We've already established that he doesn't think that they should be there, since they are without a city.  But, we don't learn why he's just keeping them captured in liquid metal, other than the obvious reason, so that they can escape and eventually defeat him.  King seems to make a nod to a reason, with Telos wanting them to chose which cities fight each other.  But, they refuse to do so, so Telos is making the decisions anyway.  That means we're right back at the original problem, of what use they are alive to Telos.

Then, we've got smaller problems, like characterization.  Last I checked, Val was a pacifist, but he wails on Telos like he means it here.  I'm all fine with Val surrendering his pacifism in the face of the horrors that he's seen, but somebody probably needs to mention that at some point, since a lot of people died as a result of him refusing to lift a finger as Earth 2 was dying.

In other words, it may be better, but the bar was so low that it doesn't mean that it's good.

** (two of five stars)

Convergence: Nightwing/Oracle #1 (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

I pretty much don't have to review these tie-in series anymore, because they're all the same.  Story interrupted at emotional climax due to arrival of opponents?  Check.  Said opponents arriving in circumstances different from other tie-in series?  Check.

Here, the abandoned emotional climax is Babs refusing Dick's proposal because she feels emotionally disengaged from life due to the dome.  In terms of the circumstances that lead to the selection of champions, it's a mess.  First, Hawkman and Hawkwoman know that they're champions, but Babs and Dick don't know.  Apparently, Telos never appeared over their dome, but I have no idea how that could be true.  It was pretty clear that all cities could see him when he spoke to them in "Convergence" #1.

Moreover, despite Telos warning in "Convergence" #1 that side deals would be punished, the Hawks offer one to Babs and Dick here.  If they take a dive and let Babs and Dick win so that their weak Gotham will die, they (the Hawks) will let their Gotham live...but also rule it.  I have no idea why they would make that offer, because they have no proof that Telos would let them survive if Babs and Dick won.  But, at this point, I think I've stopped caring.

* (one of five stars)

Convergence: Batman and Robin #1 (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

This issue is moderately better than "Convergence:  Batgirl," but it still suffers from problems that make me wonder whether anyone is really at the helm of this effort.

On the plus side, the story at least flows a little more smoothly than "Convergence:  Batgirl."  Batman and Robin help protect Poison Ivy from a group of super-villains so that she can continue to grow food to feed Gotham.  (The super-villains, led by the Penguin, not unreasonably saw the opportunity to profit from Ivy's endeavors.)  Just as Croc seems to get the upper hand on Batman, Red Hood arrives with Scarlet and saves him.

Jason's presence in Gotham seems to be a surprise to Bruce, because he hadn't appeared in the year since Telos had domed the city.  But, it fits with the idea that all these cities were plucked from their realities the moment before their timeline ended; this version of Gotham was taken right before "Flashpoint" began.  We never really saw Bruce return from the dead and resume his role as Batman in the DCU.  He pretty much arrived in time for the DCnU to be born.  Similarly, Scarlet didn't follow Jason into the DCnU (at least as a sidekick).  As such, these characters are essentially ones that we never got to see interact.

That said, this issue still has issues.  Marz is forced to dedicate two of his 20 pages to Telos' speech from "Convergence" #1, making you wonder how the editorial staff hadn't developed a way for these authors to get across that information in just a panel or two.  Similar to "Convergence:  Batgirl" #1, it happens at the emotional climax of the story, as Damian asks whether Bruce came to save him or Jason since Damian had decided to go after Jason to...I don't know...prove his worth?  If every issue is going to take this approach, where we just have enough time to get a hint of the character's emotions but no more, then this entire endeavor is going to feel like little more than an extended "Street Fighter" game.

Finally, we also have a disconnect here with how said battles happen.  In "Convergence:  Batgirl" #1, Stephanie's name was provided to the media as one of Gotham's champions and, after a few hours or days, Telos teleported her to neutral ground for her fight.  Here, "the Extremists" appear immediately upon the conclusion of Telos' speech.  The fight happens in Gotham, and Batman, Red Hood, Robin, and Scarlet are its champions without anyone telling them that they are.

Looking at the big picture, it's hard to feel the warm fuzzies that DC wants me to feel about seeing old characters if we only get to spend ten pages with them before they have to fight some nobodies that appeared in an annual 30 years ago.

** (two of five stars)

Convergence: Batgirl #1 (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

This issue is beyond bad.  I don't even know where to begin.

First, the only good thing about this issue is that we get confirmation that Telos is going the gladiator route when it comes to setting the cities against each other; each city has a list of champions that are supposed to fight other cities' champions.  Here, the Stephanie Brown version of Batgirl is chosen, but Black Bat and Red Robin have accidentally been transported with her to the site of her fight.  When Catman attacks, it seems like he's her opponent.  Then, everything gets weird.  Red Robin sees them fighting and approaches...and then forgets why he came?  Seriously, he just stands there.  Did Telos interfere with him to make sure that Stephanie wasn't getting help?  Unknown.  Batgirl continues to fight Catman, who exposits that he should really be fighting General Grodd to save his people.  Stephanie asks why he's fighting her then, and he admits that it's delaying tactics.  But, he never says what he's trying to delay.

Then, Catman observes that Tim is just standing there smiling, and Stephanie hypothesizes that he was "spored by a flower."  (She apparently had been "spored" by one at some point.)  She figures that Cass wasn't so dumb to get "spored," but, when she goes to find her, she discovers her battling Grodd.  Did Catman delay Stephanie so that Grodd could fight Cass?  That makes no sense, though, because Cass doesn't count in terms of the tournament; she's there by accident.  In other words, if Grodd is his and Catman's city's champion, Grodd would have to fight Stephanie to win.  If anything, Catman should've been distracting Cass and Tim.  But, it's still not really clear what Catman was doing there in the first place, so I'm not even sure that he was working with Grodd.

Then, we flashback a year where we learn that Stephanie gave up being Batgirl the minute the dome appeared around Gotham, though, again, we don't learn why she did so.  She spent the year as a nurse, until Telos chose her name as Gotham's champion.  Cass and Tim then helped her remember how to fight, except not really because they didn't have enough time.  Then, we finish where we started, with no hint what fight was actually supposed to happen in this issue.

Why, why, why do I keep reading events?

zero of five stars

Convergence #1 (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Any hope that this issue would make issue #0 more comprehensible was, unfortunately, misplaced.

The basic premise of this event stays the same.  We learn that the Keeper from issue #0 is named Telos and, as he announced last issue, he sets his collections of various cities against each other.  However, we don't really learn the rules of the game.  Does he simply remove the domes surrounding the cities and let everyone fight each other?  Maybe?  It looks like he may also be gathering each city's greatest hero to fight each other like gladiators, since we see a number of Supermen flying towards him on the last page.  But, King and Lobdell (ugh) don't provide further explanation.

The rules of the game aren't the only things that aren't clear at this point.  The issue starts with Telos destroying a city that he dubs a failed experiment.  It alludes to comments that Cosmic Brainiac made last issue about some sort of mysterious experiments that he was running, but I'm still not sure how they worked.  It seems like some cities were left essentially to their own devices, while other ones saw Cosmic Brainiac (and, presumably, Telos) engaged in them somewhat actively.  We don't really learn the criteria for that involvement, just like we don't learn why Telos found this city (a Metropolis that chose Batman over Superman, provoking the latter's fury) lacking.

We also unexpectedly get the arrival of the Earth-2 superheroes that we thought died at the end of "Earth 2:  World's End" #26.  Although it's nice to see them, their presence here is incredibly awkward, with several of them forced to monologue to introduce themselves.  For example, Batman declares that he has some "thoughts" on where they are, but he merely states the obvious, that they were teleported from Earth 2 before Apokolips destroyed it completely.  In other words, they're not exactly deep thoughts.  Moreover, King and Lobdell seem to know little about the characters' personalities.  Dick Grayson is suddenly an enraged asshole, punching Batman (who saved his life moments earlier by grabbing him mid-fall from the portal that delivered them on Telos) for implying that they should be happy to be alive, and the Flash is little better.  Plus, we don't learn why they're here.  Telos apparently meant to save their city, but he acted too late.  But, how then did he just magically save them?  Even odder, he seems to see that as some sort of sign, deciding to kick off the tournament because of it.

In short:  it's all still a confusing mess, and not in a good way.  

* (one of five stars)

Convergence #0 (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

I legitimately didn't understand anything about this issue.

I guess that's not technically true.  I understood what I already knew about this event:  Brainiac has kidnapped cities from planets throughout the multiverse.  Beyond that, I've got nothing.

I'll start at the beginning.  Superman narrates that Brainiac has infected him with the Doomsday virus and, for reasons that we never learn, he pulled Brainiac into a black hole to save Metropolis.  (I'm assuming that he's describing the events of "Superman:  Doomed.")  He's then confronted by a cosmic-sized version of Brainiac announcing that all other versions of Brainiac are (unknowingly) part of him.  He announces that he sent the version of Brainiac that Superman had been fighting to break his resolve or die trying (though, we don't learn why Cosmic Brainiac wanted to break Superman's resolve).  Superman asks Cosmic Brainiac if he killed this other Brainiac, but Cosmic Brainiac announces that Superman did.  (Despite Superman's shock, we also never confirm this assertion or learn how it happened.)

At this point, it seems like we're missing a page or two.  Suddenly, we skip from Cosmic Brainiac and Superman having this conversation while floating in space to Superman chained to some sort of machine that might actually be inside Cosmic Brainiac.  We learn that Cosmic Brainiac is experimenting on him because, despite his cosmic insignificance, he's a threat to Cosmic Brainiac.  (Can you be a threat if you're insignificant?)  He allegedly will serve a "larger purpose," but, again, we don't learn what that purpose is.  (Notice a theme?  Also, can you serve a larger purpose if you're insignificant?)  Cosmic Brainiac then shows us a collection of moments in time that he's made, specifically of Superman's deaths from doomed timelines.  (Superman is also somehow floating in space and watching these deaths during this conversation.)  Cosmic Brainiac notes that "our" Superman wasn't the only one to face the Doomsday monster; we again seem to be referring to the events of "Superman:  Doomed" here, but I'm not sure.  At any rate, Superman accuses Cosmic Brainiac of killing this other Superman that faced Doomsday (again, seemingly from the "Superman:  Doomed" story and not the initial "Death of Superman" story).  Then, we're suddenly back at the machine, and Cosmic Brainiac denied that he killed this Superman, though this Superman's death informed him infecting "our" Superman with the Doomsday virus.  But, again, we get no further information.  Superman tries to escape, and Cosmic Brainiac says that he's already tried to escape that 32 times.

Cosmic Brainiac then announces that he has what he wants from Superman:  information about his city.  Superman says that he won't let him destroy Metropolis, but Cosmic Brainiac says that he's not talking about destroying Metropolis; in fact, he's not even talking about Metropolis.  Suddenly, we've returned to the machine, and Cosmic Brainiac has gone quiet.  Superman finally breaks the machine, and then busts his way from the room where he's been imprisoned.  He finds himself in a barren wasteland, and he stumbles upon another (less cosmic) Brainiac.  This Brainiac confirms that Cosmic Brainiac has left and expresses shock that Superman has escaped; he says that his Master was right to be worried about him, because it's always him.  (We don't know what Superman "always" does, but presumably we will at some point.)  This Brainiac turns into several different versions of Brainiac as he tells Superman that he has several versions of Metropolis, but can't return him to Earth (but, again, we're not given any reason why he can't).  This Brainiac (in all his different forms) announces that he's the Keeper of the cities and suggests that Superman pick a Metropolis that makes him happy.

Eventually, the Keeper tells Superman that Cosmic Brainiac was always impressed with Kal-El's father, because he helped him escape death.  (Cosmic Brainiac earlier had announced that he was impressed by people that escaped death.  Aren't we all?)  Then, the Keeper becomes enraged because Cosmic Brainiac has not returned after going to Earth to fetch its timeline.  (I know.  I'm just going to keep writing here.)  He accuses Superman of doing something to him, saying (again) that the Master was right to see him as a threat.  But, then, suddenly, he starts exposition-ing.  We learn that the Keeper is actually the embodiment of a planet that Brainiac moved outside space and time so that he could place cities on it that he plucked from doomed timelines to judge them.  (Um, OK.)  We learn that the trapped cities can't escape until they've proved that they're worthy.  Superman is outraged, though the Keeper notes that Cosmic Brainiac actually saved them for certain destruction.

Then, just as suddenly, the Keeper expels Superman; since Cosmic Brainiac never returned with a city from Earth, it means that Superman doesn't belong there.  (He also conveniently won't remember this experience.)  In the absence of the Master, the Keeper decides to undo his "mistake" and set in motion judgement, allowing the strongest city to survive.

In other words, we have Cosmic Brainiac collecting cities from doomed timelines to judge them, though we never learn how he selects the cities, how he judges them, or why he would want to judge them.  Presumably, since it's Brainiac, he would be trying to learn something in the process, but we're not told what lesson that he'd be trying to learn.  Moreover, for reasons that will hopefully become clear soon, he never returns from his excursion to Earth, forcing the Keeper to take matters into his own hands by setting in motion judgement.  (Again, we're never told why Cosmic Brainiac never actually set that process into motion in the first place.)  Also, Superman is there because Cosmic Brainiac sees him as a threat, but we don't know why he's one.  It's implied that we're in some sort of timeloop (we are outside of time), so Cosmic Brainiac might have observed him defeating him several time.  But, again, I'm just guessing here.  Also, it's not clear why the Keeper had to act the minute that Cosmic Brainiac was gone for an extended period of time.  Did he just go sort of crazy?

In other words?  For a zero issue, this issue fails to do its job of introducing the concept in the way that a new reader could understand.  I pretty much stick to the Batman part of the DC Universe, and it's clear that I need to be really steeped in the Superman corner of it to understand this issue.  If I hadn't already bought the first few issues, I probably wouldn't be continuing with this event.

* (one of five stars)