Three-Month-Old Comics: The June 8 Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Amazing Spider-Man #3:  Jesus fucking Christ.  I was pretty close to terrified by the end of this issue, so I can only imagine how Peter felt.

The issue begins calmly enough, with MJ's boyfriend heading to Peter's apartment to get him to stop calling MJ.  We hear his side of a phone conversation with MC, in which we learn that he once punched Peter.  This time, he only wants to talk.  Outside Peter's building, he runs into the guy who's been hassling Peter the last few issues to pay his medical bills.  He's surprised to learn that Peter was hospitalized for a few months.  He pays off some of Peter's debt to give him some breathing space, clearly Wells' way of letting us know that he's a good guy.  That said, it's easy to forget that after the next sequence.  

Spidey awakens in an abandoned subway tunnel with his hands chained to his ankles.  Tombstone proceeds to beat him to a pulp.  He asks Spidey why he busted up his deal with the Rose, and Spidey responds that it's simple:  he's a good guy and tries to stop bad guys.

This response sets Tombstone on a long, winding discourse about lions.  When a lion kills a man, scientists try to figure out why he did it.  When a man kills another man, they just throw him in a cage.  I'd argue Tombstone is gliding over some nuances here, but Spidey does what Tombstone wants and asks Tombstone what made him "bad."

With absentee parents, he was constantly bullied, unable to eat because his bullies stole his lunch tickets.  Learning the language of the streets, he filed down his teeth and adopted his whisper, getting his bully to lean into him to hear him, allowing him to attack and bite off the kid's ear.  Tombstone then justifies his descent into crime as making sure he could always eat.  At the start, he's talking about needing to eat in a literal sense.  Later, he's filling his larger appetites.  Again, it's kind of hard to argue that living in the penthouse that we've previously seen is the same as not going hungry as a child. But I'm not chained in an abandoned subway tunnel with at least a probably broken rib, so it's easy for me to say.

Tombstone then reveals his plan.  He has his men dressed as the Rose's men, and they're going to shoot up 125th St.  As such, some good guy will emerge to stop the Rose.  Tombstone adds that he's got Robbie Robertson inbound (as we've seen) because he's going to teach him a lesson about his son taking his daughter.  (I guess he hasn't mellowed after all.)  

In a twist I really didn't expect, Tombstone orders one of his men to kill Spidey.  Wells does an amazing job conveying Spidey's terror as he screams, "Lonnie, stop!  I've learned my lesson!"  It's...a lot.  Lonnie disappears as we see the guy lift the gun in the last panel.

As Nick Lowe said in his page last issue, Spidey's totally dead, right?  Like, I know he isn't going to die, but, man, Wells really sells you on the idea that he may.  In other words, it's a great fucking issue.

Astronaut Down #1:  This series' premise is interesting, though the execution is a little clunky.  

Earth is suffering from a "quantum cancer" that's killed 90 percent of the population.  The remaining humans exist in 22 "barrier cities" that hold off the plague.  We witness one of those cities - "Ohio City"- collapse in this issue, killing two million people in 17 minutes.  

In an attempt to prevent the cancer from happening in the first place, the "NSA" has been trying to send "astronaut's" consciousnesses to other realities.  Of the three astronauts we see selected in this issue, only Douglas manages to arrive in the body of an alternate version of himself.  Based on comments some of the characters make, I think it's the first time that they've successfully done so.  

My only complaint here is that Patrick gets a little preachy when it comes to the "Don't Look Up" overtones.  Craven politicians and religious fanatics opposed addressing the cancer when it first appears in Russia, wasting valuable time that could've produced options to prevent the cancer from spreading.  I'm not saying that it isn't realistic but maybe too soon?  At any rate, the speechifying slows down the story that's already pretty dense with scientific jargon.

That said, I'm hoping that now that we've established the premise we'll get to focus more clearly on Douglas' mission.

Dark Beach #3:  This issue is pretty straight-forward if uninspiring.  

In a flashback, we watch Gordo as he quits college after his mother died.  Gordo believes that she was murdered, and Duke unsuccessfully tries to convince Gordo to help him investigate her death, which Gordo dismisses as naive, that they could get to the bottom of a story the cops don't want told.

In the present, Gordo cajoles Duke into giving him the name of his Ghost Choker dealer so he can get high and try to figure out the old Sun mystery.  Lily finds him in his apartment the next morning and discovers the note that Gordo originally found in Ket's apartment that sent him to her.  (It was on Mayflower stationery.)  She tells him "Bermuda" (which is written on the note) is a ship she and Eve used to visit at the habor.  Before she can say more, Julyus the assassin arrives, so Gordo sends her to the Bermuda.  Gordo manages to trap Julyus in his house and makes for the Bermuda, where he comes face-to-face with a taser-wielding Eve.  

In the epilogue, the scientist from last issue stumbles upon a tentacled creature submerged in some sort of tank.  Dr. Stanley arrives and informs her that it hasn't moved in 300 hundred years.  It's interesting that Ruiz-Unger has added such an explicitly extraterrestrial hook to this series.  I'm really unclear, the best possible way, on where we're going with it.

I'm still curious about the geography of this world. For example, Gordo goes to New St. Louis to get the Ghost Choker.  He clearly doesn't go all the way from Reykjavik to St. Louis though.  As such, we're obviously dealing with some sort of compressed area.  But it's also clearly part of the story so I'm figuring Ruiz-Unger will reveal the truth at some point.

Marauders #3:  OMG, this issue is almost incomprehensible you guys.

At some point in the past, the Kin Crimson tried to assassinate Xavier while Cassandra was in control of him.  I don't recall knowing that Cassandra controlled Xavier during the period he was residing with Lilandra or the Kin Crimson tried to assassinate him.  But, I have bigger fish to fry.  During the attempt, Cassandra conveniently learned of the Shi'ar's Ten Shames as well as the Kin Crimson's Chronicle.  

With the mysterious book that Kate received confirming Cassandra's stories, Xandra declares that she's going to read the Chronicle.  Delphos objects, and Xandra attacks her.  Telling Gladiator to imprison Delphos as a traitor, Xandra announces that she pulled the location of the Chronicle from Delphos' mind:  a "pan-dimensional prison" named the Krag.  But Delphos already warned the other Kin Crimson members, so the Krag guards open fire on Xandra when she and the Marauders arrive.

It sounds straight-forward, but it isn't.  It's a confusing mess of mumbo-jumbo.  I like where Orlando is going plot-wise, particularly with the revelation that the criminally underused Fraternity of Raptors' leadership has remained in the prison for generations. But I'd really like to see this narrative flow more easily than it does here.  Moreover, the Marauders are essentially tertiary characters, which isn't great for a book in theory about them.

Past the Last Mountain #4:  As expected, this issue is brutal.

Kate awakens in the Dragon Lake Medical Center and, once released, finds Simon and Willa, who's seething that Dragon Lake isn't human-free as promised.  Even Kate is surprised at Willa's attitude, noting the magical creatures walking freely among the humans.  Their case worker, Sue, arrives and starts processing their refugee paperwork.  When Sue mentions off-hand that she can help them get jobs, Kate expresses shock that magical creatures live and work side-by-side with humans. When Willa says that they don't want to live with humans, Sue informs them that they don't have to do so:  they can head for the Rockies with the other free magical creatures.  When Simon expresses fear of Goblins in the mountains, Sue tells him not to worry:  they killed all the Goblins.

At this point, Willa loses her mind.  She asks when the humans will deem them enough of a "clear and present threat," like the Goblins, to commit genocide.  Sue somewhat understandably notes just how dangerous Goblins are/were.  But, it's too late.  Willa takes to the skies and attacks Calgary.  The Canadians try to take her in peacefully (because of course they do), but eventually the Defense Minister (a Griffin) orders her killed.  In the aftermath, we learn that Neil is facing federal charges of insubordination, and the Canadians drop off Kate and Simon at the Rockies.  

If the main story is brutal, the "Orc Girl" back-up story is even more so.  It expands on a seemingly throwaway comment Sue made in the main story, about an Orc who became an attorney in the 19th century.  

It turns out said Orc as a boy was swept down the river when trying to keep his more adventurous sister safe after she built a raft.  A group of humans pull him from the river on the other side.  Because humans and Orcs had an agreement to stay on their own sides of the river, the Orcs decline to go rescue him.  Devastated, his sister spends her childhood building a bridge across the river to get him.  She fails to complete the bridge, however, as life takes her along its path.  

Now a married woman, she discovers a token that reminds her of her brother, and she goes to find him.  Leaping from the bridge to the other bank, she makes her way through the human town, where she's stunned to see her brother dressed in a suit at happy hour with his colleagues.  She attacks him and flees, furious that he got the adventure that she wanted and that he never returned for her.  (The last part is pretty dickish, to be honest.)  The story ends with her destroying the bridge she built to get to him.

This series has really been a deep dive into hate and mistrust.  Allor didn't make it cut-and-dry:  not all humans hate magical creatures, and not all magical creatures hate humans.  He could've taken the easy road and told a story where difficult situations make people resort to their racial biases.  Willa is a great example of that, where her mistrust of humans dooms her.  When Canada couldn't promise a perfect world, she became the monster she claimed the humans were.  If you spend some time on Twitter, you know how accurately Allor nailed the current moment in which our society finds itself.  But Kate manages not to take this road, a remind that Willa (and people like her) make a choice to lose themselves in hate and mistrust.

Star Wars #24:  Zahra is too good a character to take off the table permanently, so Soule gives himself a secret door here, as Leia leaves Zahra for a creature to eat.  I usually roll my eyes at that sort of ending, but Soule makes the creature sufficiently fearsome that you can reasonably conclude Zahra died if she doesn't turn up somewhere else one day.  If so, Leia gets justice - not revenge, as she tells Zahra - by ensuring Zahra died forgotten and ignoble.  Zahra thought that she was going to kill Leia and demoralize the Rebellion.  Instead, Vader will only see her failure, stopping short of her goal of destroying the entire Rebel Fleet.  Soule makes sure to contrast the consequences of Zahra's insistence on hogging all the glory with Leia surviving because Chewie and Kes were there to help her.  With Zahra defeated, the Rebellion can now focus on resuming its war on the Empire.

Three-Month-Old Comics: The May 25 Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Amazing Spider-Man #2:  Jesus fucking Christ.  I thought I was going to spend this review complaining about how Mary Jane is now a step-mother or something else related to last issue's revamping of Peter's status quo.   But Wells makes it clear that these concerns really pale (heh) in comparison to the fact that Tombstone might really just kill Spider-Man after he tricks Peter into a trap.  Underlining that Tombstone is playing for keeps, Wells has Tombstone send away Janice because he's going to become the man that he's never wanted her to see.  It's...a lot.  As disappointed as I am about the Mary Jane situation, I am more and more excited that Wells is going to meet my (high) hopes for him taking over the title.

Moon Knight #11:  Zodiac goes full Joker here, revealing his goal is to take away everything from Marc so that he can become "self-actualized."  To Zodiac's mind, that means Marc killing everyone all the time.   His plan was to lure Marc to where Jigsaw was holding Dr. Sterman.  While Jigsaw killed Dr. Sterman in front of Marc, Zodiac would kill Reese at the Mission.  

Thankfully, Jigsaw is an idiot, so Marc, Tigra, and Winner manage to save Dr. Sterman.  That said, Zodiac isn't an idiot, so he's definitely got time to kill Reese and at least a few neighbors before Marc and/or the police arrive.  In order to get there in time to prevent that outcome, Marc asks for Khonshu's help.  

I haven't gotten over the PTSD I feel from reading "Avengers:  Age of Khonshu;" I still don't understand why Marc sold Khonshu down the river when Khonshu was right about Mephisto.  But Khonshu doesn't seem angry enough about it to let Marc shirk his responsibilities as Moon Knight and opens a path for him and Tigra to get to the Mission as quickly as possible.  Because it's "Moon Knight," Khonshu makes it clear that it's going to get bloody.  

Meanwhile, Soldier dresses as Mr. Knight and goes with Reese to confront Zodiac to buy Moon Knight some time.  (I'm worried about Soldier's handsome face.)  Given his and Reese's dedication, Zodiac makes an excellent point about how Khonshu isn't the only one with Fists.  Let's see how they fly!

Newburn #7:  The series takes a turn as we learn that Emily was a former cadet who left the academy after she and another cadet were somehow involved in a murder.  Unfortunately, it turns out the murdered person was the nephew of the Albano family's boss.  When the other cadet - now a police officer - gets in too deep to pay off his gambling debt, he sells this information to the guy running the den who in turns sells it to the Albanos.  

Emily bumps into her former classmate as she's helping Newburn investigate the murder of the Yakuza boss.  Her classmate arrests her to prevent her from leaving HQ since he knows that the Albanos are going to kill her.

I don't entirely get how he knew the Albanos chose that moment - while she was in a police station - to kill her, but I'm hoping Zdarsky explains that later.  It borders on pet peeve #3 by having one of the hitmen complain about taking out someone at a police station, which, you know, doesn't seem the best idea.

Past the Last Mountain #3:  If this series' main story has so far been about the sacrifices necessary to maintain hope and innocence in the post-war era, the War Stories have been about the war's brutality - emotionally, physically, and socially.  These themes converge in this issue, as Simon is driven to murder.

In fact, the main story's theme this issue is on the "peace's" brutality.  Neil brings three Goblins with him as he searches for the companions.  On the way to where they think the companions are, the lead Goblin taunts Neil about how scared humans are of Goblins.  In this exchange, we learn that humans not only keep Goblins in cages in a pit but refuse to give them names:  they get a number.  It's chilling to see how dehumanized, if you will, the humans have made the Goblins.  But we also realize, by comparison, that they're not treating the other creatures much better:  the humans, not their parents, give them their names.  Neil asks the Goblin what his name is, and the Goblin refuses to answer.

The teams lands and the Goblins find the companions.  Willa lays down fire to scatter the humans and attacks one, which results in another human dropping the pole he was using to restrain the lead Goblin.  In turn, he tells the other Goblins to fight their bloodlust and run, a sign of how his bravado in the helicopter was a sign of who he used to be, not who he is now.  When Neil angrily shouts "47" at him (revealing his number), 47 turns and attacks.  Trevor throws himself in front of Neil, and 47 devours him. 

It's here where innocence, if not hope, dies.  Simon is holding the sword that Kate dropped in a fight with a human and uses it to kill 47 in revenge for "Trevor Trollfriend's" murder.  In a devastating flashback, we see that 47 didn't tell Neil the name that his parents gave him because he no longer remembered it.  As we contemplate the end of 47's shattered life, Neil is shaken when he realizes that Simon is his son's age.  He tells Simon that he should've protected him and lets the companions go.  He then kills the remaining Goblins so they can't follow them and tells the team that they're retreating.  

Meanwhile, Kate succumbs to the tranquilizer dart that a human successfully fired at her and tells Willa to leave with Simon.  Willa wants to kill the rest of the humans to keep Kate safe, but Simon grabs her and drags her through the forest, telling Willa that they'll keep going like Kate would've done for them.  We then learn that Dragon Lake is real:  it's the crossing into Alberta, Canada.  That said, it's unclear how well the armed guards at the heavily fortified crossing will treat the companions.

Fittingly, the War Stories are particularly brutal this month, as war has left a Fairy seeing her harp only its possible use as a weapon and two Troll children watch the humans murder their general father.  If the peace is brutal, the war is worse.

Spider-Man 2099:  Exodus #1:  Although I enjoyed this issue, I'm concerned that Orlando is going to go the "Marvel 2099" route, where this mini-series devolves into just presenting the 2099 versions of current B- and C-list characters.

It begins right where "Spider-Man 2099:  Exodus - Alpha" #1 ended, with Miguel successfully ferrying Zero's people to Transverse City.  Mission accomplished, Miguel is concerned that Osborn's bounty will have "mothers gutting sons" to secure the Celestial Garden for him.  Zero shows his gratitude for Miguel's assistance by bringing in Winter Solider 13 to help.  He informs Miguel that she has a "standing offer" on the murmurnet to trade intelligence for wetworks.

As she approaches a fortress in Zimnii Metch (Siberia, Free Russian Alliance), 13 exposits that her story really began when the new chief of the Winter Solider program decided they were too dangerous.  As such, he set up the Soldiers to sabotage Alchemax's "relaunched Aesir program" only for one of the "deified death troops" (i.e., Thor) to destroy everyone but 13.  (If I remember "Fall of the Hammer" from the original 2099 timeline correctly, we never really got a good sense of what Alchemax wanted to do with the original Aesir program.)  We learn that the intelligence that 13 wanted via her murmurnet offer was on her betrayers.  Zero gives her the information she needed most:  it's where the final one was hiding, which is why we're in Zimnii Metch.

13 enters the fortress to find Chief Woland, presumably the aforementioned chief.  We learn that he's a Cabal pledge and wants to win Osborn's bounty.  In exchange for a cracked mysterium datadrive that tells her who she is, Woland suggests she come with him to the Celestial Gardens to heal the drive and win the bounty.  Instead, she kills him, risking the Boneyard - the Cabal's security team - coming after her.  Using Woland's black card, 13 boards a teletrain to Nueva York.  

Once the jump gate opens, 13 exits into the Wastes, knowing Crossbones is on her tail.  Their fight is brutal, as Crossbones rips off her metal arm and taunts her about killing Bucky and taking his arm as a prize.  (I guess Crossbones was part of the crew that publicly killed the Avengers.)  Using a knife that she swiped from a kind older woman who fed her on the train, 13 cuts off Crossbones' arm and plunges the knife through his skull.

Using the Garden to affix Barnes' arm and heal the drive, 13 is stunned to learn that her family is real.  In a rare win for the 2099 reality, she finds them.  In exchange, she uses her "winter song" (i.e., her emp power) to take out Madame Web's airborne servers and, with them, the murmurnet.  By silencing "the entire dark metaverse," she effectively shut down the bounty.  Miguel expresses concern that they'll come after her, but she probably correctly surmises that Osborn is going to have to go after the Garden himself since he can't rely on the bounty for people to do it for him.

Again, I enjoyed this issue and 13's story.  That said, I'm worried that next issue's focus on Loki means this "event" is just yet another short-story collection Marvel plans on forgetting once it reboots the 2099 line yet again.  I hope I'm wrong.

 

Also Read:  Devil's Reign:  Omega #1

Three-Month-Old Comics: The May 11 Edition - Redux (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

After my several months' long marathon of getting current, I needed a little break.  I'm back now.  I missed two issues in my last post, so I'm re-starting where we left off last time.

Dark Beach #2:  I had to re-read last issue to realize that the crime-scene photo that Gordo took and kept revealed that Ket wasn't alone in her room when the assassin killed her.   It had something to do with her headset's angle, but I couldn't tell you why.  The Ghost Choker drug that Gordo has just taken also clearly helped him with this epiphany. 

Armed with this information, Gordo returns to the Mayflower to ask Lily about who this second person in the room could've been.  She confesses that it was her sister, Eve.  Eve and Ket were apparently two members of the "Sun Freaks," a group of five people who exchanged conspiracy theories about the old Sun.  Lily tells Gordo that it seems clear that someone is killing the Sun Freaks:  Roman disappeared, and Schultz allegedly killed himself.  Lily sends Gordo to the fifth member, a Sun Club owner named Razi, for more leads.

Later, at the construction site where he works, Gordo saves a camera before it fell off the side of the building.  It belonged to a woman in the lab coat and, in the process, Gordo swipes her badge.  The woman's boss thanks Gordo.  Seeing Gordo reading a history of New Reykjavik, the man informs him that his multiple-great grandfather, Dr. Robert F. Stanley, helped build the city.  He promises to request Gordo's foreman log Gordo's action in his file, which will get him access to better jobs.  Later, Gordo uses the woman's "Project Daydream" badge to enter an elevator and discovers some sort of underground reactor.  In bed that night, Gordo dreams about the "United States Corps of Engineers" sending rockets into the old Sun. 

The next day, Gordo visits Razi at his club.  Razi tells Gordo that he started researching the old Sun because he wanted his Sun Club to feel as realistic as possible.  Along the way, he realized that the science didn't match the New Reykjavik Corps of Engineers' (NRCE) authorized story.  One night at the Mayflower, Razi met Schultz, who worked for the NRCE, who introduced him to his friends, the rest of the Sun Freaks.  (Lily had cast aspersions on Razi for being much older than the rest of the Sun Freaks, though it's clear that he was legitimately interested in their theories.)

When Gordo asks what Razi thinks happened to the old Sun, Razi notes that 200,000 people currently live in New Reykjavik.  He observes that they're there because the geothermal power under Iceland made it the only inhabitable place on Earth.  He and the Sun Freaks hypothesize that someone on old Earth did something to destabilize the Sun and scrambled to send Earth into the outer solar system to save whoever they could (contrary to the authorized story, where the government meticulously planned the evacuation).  If true, billions of people likely died.  Gordo mentions the possibility that they sent rockets into the old Sun (per his dream), and Razi doesn't dismiss it as an explanation.

Razi begins to tell Gordo that the reactor he saw (and whose existence Schulz revealed to Razi) is the government's real secret when the assassin arrives to kill him.  Razi has Gordo hide in the closet.  As such, when Razi's assistant enters later, she finds Gordo standing over Razi's dead body, assuming he killed him.

In the postlude, we see a group of scientists sixteen years earlier using the reactor to absorb energy from the Sun.  Dubbed "Project Daydream" (sound familiar?), their success leads one of the scientists suggesting that Dr. Stanley dedicate more resources to the team as the lead scientist tells one of the observing scientists that "we" saw the reactor in a dream.

At this stage, I think the biggest unaddressed mystery is the time difference.  If Stanley's group destabilized the sun 16 years ago, why doesn't anyone remember?  It doesn't take that long to travel to the outer solar system.  Vamos a ver.

Past the Last Mountain #2:  In terms of the plot, this issue mainly focuses on the threats building for Kate, Simon, and Willa as they continue their flight to Dragon Lake.  

In terms of the characters, though, we begin to see some significant shifts.  The dragons and fauns are clearly on the pacifist side of the magical creatures' alignments.  For example, Willa mourns the humans she killed when she took out the helicopter.  But, Kate is all the more appalled, given that she sees even the obviously pacifist dragons as "barbaric."  

Her position begins to change when a farmer provides the company a respite.  He reveals to Kate that his best friend before the war was a Faun and asks about her tribe.  She informs him that the humans broke up the tribes in the preserve.  The man tells her that he and his friend were like brothers but were separated when the man's parents died; he was sent to live with an aunt and uncle he barely knew, and the Faun was sent to the preserve.  His friend escaped the preserve after unrelenting torment from the other Faun - who told him that he smelled like human - and the man's uncle shot him on sight when he arrived to reunite with the man.  The man encourages Kate to kill anyone who tries to stop them.  As they depart the farm, Kate tells Willa that she understands now that Willa did what she had to do and that they're her tribe now.

Meanwhile, after speaking to the helicopter's sole survivor, Neil realizes that he has no choice but to unleash the Goblins.  Abby's brother Gary confirms to Trevor that the company is heading to Dragon Lake, which, based on Trevor's comment to Neil, might not be the myth that everyone thinks that it is...

One-Month-Old Comics: The April 27 (2022) Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Amazing Spider-Man #1 (April 27):  [Sigh.]  I haven't posted in a while because I dreaded reading this issue.  "Beyond" was so great, and I was worried that Wells would need to do something to ruin that status quo just for dramatic impact.  Unfortunately, he does.

Obviously, I'm OK with Peter facing challenges.  In fact, I'm intrigued by Wells' idea that something happened to Spidey six months ago (as we see at the issue's opening) and, due to the trauma, he's on the outs with everyone.  Aunt May has moved into a smaller apartment after bankrupting herself paying Peter's medical bills, Peter stole something from the Fantastic Four that has them not speaking to him, Randy had to pay Peter's rent when he fell off the face of the Earth:  it isn't good.

Moreover, the Spider-Man part is interesting.  Tombstone is running New York's organized-crime syndicates, and the Rose wants a "product" from him as well as territory that Tombstone isn't willing to give.  (Tombstone refers to the "Kingpin" being gone, and I'm not sure if he means Kingpin himself or Butch.)  Later, it turns out the "product" is a Goblin Glider, and Spidey interrupts the deal.  When the Rose's seemingly gamma-powered enforcer named Digger (who everyone else seems to know but I don't recognize) attacks Spidey, the deal goes bad.  The Rose's men grab the glider and bolt.  

The problem is that Tombstone guaranteed the Rose's men's safety since they met in Harlem (his territory), so, as Hammerhead tells Tombstone, the Rome and Tombstone are now at war.  Clearly making a move, the Rose has his goons blow up Tombstone's apartment.  Tombstone later approaches Peter and tells him to tell Spider-Man that Tombstone is coming after him, since he has to take out Spider-Man to win back his reputation.  Peter's excited by the fact that he (i.e., Spidey) has something to do, which weirds out Tombstone.

Again, all this stuff is fine.  Great, even.  But, Wells crosses the line for me when, yet fucking again, he breaks up MJ and Peter.  To make matters worse, MJ tells Peter to stop calling her and has children (or at least step-children) with some guy named Paul.  Fuck that shit.  Seriously.  I've been reading Spider-Man for 40 years and I am so fucking over fake MJ drama.  I just can't.  I can't even finish this review.  I know that I'll just be gritting my teeth until the inevitable moment when they're reunited.  I need a drink.

Knights of X #1 (April 27):  I didn't read "Excalibur" and I haven't been too thrilled with Howard's previous work.  I'm mostly here for a reunited Rictor and Shatterstar.  But, this issue shows a lot of promise.  

Howard does a great job of laying out status quo without too much exposition.  We learn that Saturnyne has lost her title as Omniversal Majestrix to Merlin, who's using supersized Furies (who look like Sentinels) to hunt down "witchbreed" (i.e., mutants).  King Arthur serves as his general given Arthur's belief that mutantkind stole his son, Mordred, from him (since Mordred is witchbreed).  Betsy and the Captain Britain Corps are rescuing Otherworld's witchbreed (including Joshua) and bringing them to the Lavender Citadel, where Saturnyne stews over the loss of her throne.  As the portal to Krakoa is closed, Betsy seeks help from Roma, but she doesn't have troops to spare, as her fey were some of Merlin's first victims.  But, given the fey's powers come from stories, she tells Betsy that she can send her to Krakoa one time to gather knights for a quest.

On Krakoa, Betsy assembles a team of former Excalibur members who agree to help her.  She and Rictor work with the Five to resurrect Mordred, but, since they're using an Otherworld - and not Cerebro - recording of his personality, they're not sure who they'll get.  However, it doesn't seem to matter when Mordred's body disappears once he's resurrected.  To make matters worse, Jubilee doesn't appear on the other side of the gate when the team crosses it, as it seems that it's Shogo's, and not her, quest.

With only seven allies (Bei the Blood Moon, Gambit, Meggan, Prestige, Rictor, Shatterstar, and Shogo), Betsey and company go to find Kylun at Meggan and Prestige's suggestion.  When they find them, they enter an initial skirmish with Arthur's forces, only for a young Mordred to appear and help them.  With a full team, the quest reveals itself:  Betsy and company have to find the Siege Perilous.  But, Merlin has other plans for it, as he believes that they can de-mutant Mordred (I think) if they send him through the Siege.

It seems like a lot, but, as I said, Howard does a great job throwing all this information at us without it seeming like a slog.  Although I'm here for Rictor and 'Star lovin', I'm also totally down with this plot.

Past the Last Mountain #1 (April 27):  This series is the flipside of "The Realm:"  here, the humans won a war with magical creatures 50 years ago.  At this stage, it's unclear if the magical creatures invaded Earth (like in "The Realm") or if we're dealing with a different Earth where the races always coexisted.

In the present, a troll escapes from the Westfield Penal Preserve in Montana, where the U.S. government is keeping the creatures who survived the war as well as their descendants.  A troll named Abby escapes.  Neil, the Preserve's new director, and Trevor, one of the Preserve's zoologists, quickly realize she did so as a distraction.  From a nearby cliff, Abby's son Simon watches an agent kill her when Abby threatens Trevor.  His companions, Kate (a Faun) and Willa (a dragon), are escorting him to the mythical "Dragon Lake," which Simon (and apparently Abby) believes leads to freedom.  Kate doesn't believe so, but, for some reason, she's fulfilling Abby's wish to get Simon there.  Agents eventually discover the trio's camp only for Willa to reveal that she's fire-capable, despite Trevor previously telling the agents that they had removed her fire glands.

As good as the main story is, it's the series of short "war stories" at the end that make this book.  We watch as humans and creatures struggle with their relationships as the U.S. government suddenly declares creatures the enemy in 1972.  The authors hint that the government's declaration wasn't entirely unprovoked as the United States alone seemed to experience, as one character says, "griffin terrorism, the Centaur Liberation Army, the..."  Given the United States' isolation in the wake of its declaration, this series also has "Undiscovered Country" parallels.

In other words, it's a solid debut.  Allor and Joyce do a great job of presenting us with both an emotionally engaging story and a fully realized world.  I'm definitely coming back next issue.

Star Wars:  Crimson Reign #4 (April 27):  Like Sergeant Creel, I feel like it's almost criminal that Marvel hasn't given us more focus on Ren and his Knights.  My disappointment is particularly acute here, as both Qi'ra and Vader allude to the Knights' illustrious past and now faded glory.  Ren sees a chance to win back some of that honor by working for Qi'ra.  That said, the job involves breaking into Fortress Vader on Mustafar to steal the "Screaming Key," which opens a door whose whereabouts only Qi'ra (and notably not Palpatine or Vader) knows.  But, Qi'ra plan for Ochi's assassination of the Emperor's guards fails to keep Vader off Mustafar, and he appears at the end to take out the Knights.  They escape with the key, but they're now on the Emperor's hit list.  Given that Ren's impetus for taking this job was, in part, striking the Emperor before the Knights made their way up said list (for their shadow-using powers), I'm not sure the Knights are heading to the bright future Ren hoped to see.