Eight-Month-Old Comics!: The October 18 Top-Shelf Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

From the World of Minor Threats:  The Alternates #2:  Enh.  

This issue is better than the first one as the plot comes into focus.   Kid Curious realizes the "Prestige" drug all the kids are taking is somehow small liquefied doses of the Ledge, and the Persona discovers someone used black magic to turn one of the Divider's clones into his alleged fiancée.  (I can't remember why it's significant, but I'm assuming we'll learn at some point.)  After Crab Louie overhears his daughter agreeing to meet her boyfriend at a club where they can get their hands on some Prestige, the team follows her.  Once they identify her supplier, they follow him to see who's supplying him.  

All that said, I still find myself not particularly caring.  I don't know why exactly, but there you have it.

Coda #2:  This issue is nonsensical.

We begin with a group of creatures that look like a mix between goblins and mice offering a helmet, called the Embetterment Artifice, to their elder, Constructor Krocklamesh.  (Yeah...)  Krocklamesh allegedly worked on this helmet for 12 years, and the creatures are apparently members of Clan Oblique who want to bring peace and security across the world.  A large pink-skinned woman informs the group she'll accompany them because they need someone to keep them on the straight and narrow.

Elsewhere, Hum narrates this story to "Little Gap," opining that, when he (or she or it) encounters "one of these seductive promises I've been yammering on about -- big changes, brave new starts, etc.," he (or she or it) should make sure they've got "some other guiding light already in place."  Sure, whatever.

Hum informs us "Little Gap" is the "tiniest trace of absence, to make the rest of [his] quiet life moving forward."  Meanwhile, Hum is in a prison in Gorepit, where a solider informs him that the Gorepitians reject all the "old world's" traces, like magic and royalty.  That said, an important-seeming, tow-haired boy follows a Gorepitian official down a large exterior staircase.  It took me several readings to understand that someone named Mildew the Breaker bought the kid in a slave market and presented him to Gorepit as the son that its king lost during the Quench.  Apparently, the "scion's" absence sparked a cult, and Mildew is clearly trying to profit from that.

The official and scion join the soldier and the prisoners (including Hum) at the Place of Death, though the solider, to Hum's surprise, simply exiles Hum, the "scion," and "all members of this foolish little sect."  But the solider orders Nag's death, as he represents the "nonsensical old ways."  

I still can't entirely figure out Hum's involvement in this scam.  After all, I first thought he was in prison in Ridgetown, since, when last we left him, he discovered that Ridgetown creates akker by harvesting the blood of th least elf.  But we never get an explanation of how he's suddenly in Gorepit, and we also don't get an explanation of how he and Nag come to be connect, at least tangentially, to Mildew's scam.

At any rate, Hum proclaims Nag is only there because unicorns have to obey virgins and the "scion" sees him as a "sacred symbol" and part of some sort of prophecy.  The soldier is unmoved and orders the firing squad to open fire.  But the scion runs in front of the squad, taking bullets for Nag, which prompts Nag to go on a rampage. 

Meanwhile, the pink-skinned woman arrives at Gorepit with Clan Oblique.  While she's been killing raiders (of what sort, we're not told), the creatures have amassed a following telling people that they're going to liberate food from said raiders.  Once at Gorepit, the woman exposits that her husband does their shopping in Gorepit, making it clear that she's Serka.  (Isn't someone holding her hostage?  I guess not?)  Upon Clan Oblique's arrival, the soldier (I think) declares them all inhuman marauders come to "despoil and scavenge in our moment of weakness!"  (The "weakness" is presumably the aftermath of Nag's rampage, but I'm not sure.)  Anyway, Gorepit's soldiers engage Clan Oblique as Serka tries to stop them.

Standing over the dying soldier's body, Serka shows him a badge they took off a thief in the wilderness, and the soldier tells her that it's a badge of a customs agent meant to collect a small tithe from merchants.  (Didn't Hum already kill this guy last issue?)  One of the people following Clan Oblique gets nervous, informing Serka that the "thief's" crime was imposing a tithe "all because a few little barrels of siren berries were rotten."  (I guess he was an actual customs agent then and not Hum's thief?)  Disgusted, Serka asks a Gorepitian about why Gorepit isn't as rich as she thought, and the woman responds that "some weirdo in a hood bewitched the workers [who] cleared out the food stores 'n followed him into the desert[,] all because that lot shot some dumb little kid."  (How much time has passed here, exactly?  Mildew had enough time after the squad killed the kid to stir up a revolution?  Are they the "raiders" stealing the food?)

At least enough time has passed for us to find Hum fishing at a red lake when he hears a voice, in italics text, announce to a caravan arriving at the "Crimson Mire!  where perished the last kings of High Chivaris."  Hum watches as the cult's leader (presumably Mildew) reinterprets the prophecy, noting that "dozens" of them saw "a light" the instant the scion died, marking the "coronation of a new god."  Since the "prophecy" said the scion would found a new kingdom, they now declare that they're a new nation.

Rushing to a caravan, Hum calls for Mildew as he opens the doors.  He's disgusted by the sight of a creature with many bubbles of tadpole-like creatures in her stomach, and Mildew informs him the creature is a "sprigmother."  Mildew orders a worker to spread spawn within a thirty-mile radius so they can declare a miracle to eliminate all doubts about "the prophecy."  One of Mildew's thugs, named Mr. Kroti, ejects Hum on Mildew's orders, and Hum watches in dismay as the cult members set up camp on his land.  Hum ponders where he heard the name "Mr. Kroti" before when Serka arrives.

After they kiss, Hum immediately asks Serka if she's pregnant, and I'm guessing "Little Gap" is their unborn child.  Serka then realizes Mildew is the hooded cult leader Clan Oblique is chasing and tells Hum to get down.

In other words, I really have no fucking idea what's happening here.  Normally I'd hang in there since I think it's only a five-issue series, but I've got 300+ issues to read so I'm done.

Kill Your Darlings #2:  Holy shit, this issue, you guys.

In 1700, a group of men burst into a cabin where a coven of witches is meeting.  They kill all the witches save one, who they find hiding under the floorboards.  Calling her "the girl who wouldn't burn," it seems clear she's the girl from last issue.  Screaming, "we were supposed to be safe here!!!", she uses vines to kill the men.

In 1995, Rose clutches Wallace in the back of a police car.  

Fast-forwarding to 2003, Rose is in the Anderson Center, a place for troubled teens.  She wound up there when the "foster care system proved...problematic" for her, as the creepy Dr. Jacobs mentions to two parents who are there about their son.  The mother physically recoils from Rose, and Jacobs alludes to the "media blizzard around the...well, the nastiness with the fire in Valley Oaks."  Meanwhile, all the other students whisper about Rose burning her mother alive.

The only bright spot for Rose is Elliott's visits.  Elliott remains in a rough place as his mother is bed-ridden and his father is completely disconnected from them.  Elliott's a stand-up dude:  he's not only visiting Rose but tells her about how he's maintaining his mom's garden since it makes her happy.  Elliott apologizes for talking about his mom, and Rose quips that she killed hers.  Elliott chastises her, but Rose confesses that everyone's whispered about her for years and she still doesn't have a better explanation other than that she was the one who set the fire.  Before confirming they'll meet at the back exit at the usual time, Elliott pulls out Beat-em-Beasts for them to play, and one of Rose's cards depicts elephant-like "The Eternal Warrior."

That night, Rose's new roommate screams when she sees Rose sneaking to meet Elliott, but before she can raise the alarm the sprinklers start.  Rose runs into the hallway to see an arrow through the fire alarm, and several guards make chase.  She rounds the corner to find...Wallace!  He uses sleeping arrows to take out the guards and leads Rose to the exit as she ponders whether she's lost her mind.  We get the first hint that she hasn't when Dr. Jacobs finds one of the guards with a blow dart in his neck.  

Outside, Rose and Wallace escape over the fence and find Elliott.  Rose is thrilled to learn Elliott can see the "little elephant man" (Wallace corrects him with "elopig."). Wallace explains that the Kingdom of Rosewood is in danger.  Rose tells him that she can't return because that "thing" almost killer her, but Wallace tells her that it's been killing them ever since she left.  Wallace tells Rose she could create life where there once wasn't any, and Rose brightens.  He then leads them to the gate to Rosewood.

I was meh on the first issue of this series, but Parker and Sheridan wisely don't drag out the mystery, instead confirming here that Rosewood was real.  I'm excited to see where we go from here.

Local Man #6:  This series is starting to get repetitive, as Jack has to face another unhinged nut job coming after him.  

This time, it's an armed kid with #Truth written in tape on his flack jacket who opens fire in Inga's diner.  His goal is to kill "Local Man," because he somehow knows that Jack killed Camo Crusader.  Brian later tells Jack the only people who knew about Crusader were Inga and Kopecki, who winds up killing the kid to end his rampage.  Interestingly, Kopecki knew the kid, since the kid went to church with Kopecki's aunt, so I think it might be possible Kopecki is part of the same crowd as the kid.  That said, Inga suspects her investors though they deny it, leaving open the question how the kid knew.

Meanwhile, Brian asks Jack to speak to a group of hippies called the Star Tribe.  They're camping in a nearby park, and they don't like cops, obviously.  But a 16 year old girl who Inga knew through the Future Forum wound up drowned, and the Tribe apparently harbors known criminals so Brian wants some information.  Jack agrees, but the creepy Swamp Thing-esque creature who follows him implies the Tribe probably didn't do it.

At some point, you start to wonder why Third Gen doesn't let Jack leave Farmingham, since the attention that he's bringing probably isn't doing them any favors.

Star Wars #39:  Oof, this issue.  Soule really puts Lando (and us) through the emotional ringer.

The Talky manages to knock the rancor unconscious long enough for him, Lando, and Lobot to escape the pit.  But he warns Lando that they've got to bolt, as Jabba the Hutt is on his sail barge and will return at some point.  As the Talky navigates Jabba's palace to get them to a secret exit, Scourge-controlled droids surprise them and grab Lobot.  The Talky assumed they wanted him, but, as we know from the main series, the Scourge wanted Lobot given his hybroid status.  Lando and the Talky eventually find Lobot, only for the Scourge to inform Lando that he now controls Lobot.  "Lobot" departs with the other droids as Jabba returns, his men's guns a-blazin', and Lando brings the Talky to the Millennium Falcon and pledges to save Lobot.

But Lobot's isn't the only friendship Lando is forced to consider here, as he stands before Han before he bolts with the Talky and Lobot.  He (correctly) realizes that he and Lobot don't have time to free Han, since he'll be weak and potentially blind.  I initially judged Lando for that, but, when he made that argument, I realized that he was right.  But it means Lando failed not one but two friends here, and Soule makes it clear that Lando knows that.

The chips are down, and, knowing Lando, he's going to double down.  It'll be fun to watch.

Subgenre #1:  I like Kindt, and he does something interesting here.  

A hard-boiled detective named Verge (which isn't a very "hard-boiled" name) gets hired by his world's Disney (Decipher Comics) to investigate the murder of several blue-skinned monks from a cult called "I.P. Agents" at their HQ.  Verge himself tangled with a similar monk earlier in the day, though he seemed to think he was his landlord?  It was weird.  The man's blue skin definitely didn't seem to both him.

Deciper sends him to meet a woman who explains she caused a scene at Decipher several days earlier when she learned they used an AI to write the book she had just read and loved.  (I'm still not sure why causing a disruption makes Decipher seemingly want to pin murders on her, as I think they're trying to do here?)  She insists on accompanying Verge to the I.P. Agents' sanctum sanctorum, since she wants to see their rare-book collection, since they apparently are buying all such books.  

At the library, the monks' leader appears, and his monks attack Verge.  He says they're particularly interested in Verge and strikes him in the head with a baton that sends him into a new Roman body, where he again faces the blue-skinned monks.

It's weird, and I kind of like it.  I initially wasn't inclined to hang in there, but, re-reading this post, I think I will.

Eight-Month-Old Comics!: The September 13 Top-Shelf Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

From the World of Minor Threats:  The Alternates #1:  This issue is OK.  Given the marvel that was "Minor Threats," I get it's unreasonable to expect this series to reach the same heights.  But I'll be honest that I don't really find myself caring as much about the characters here as I did the "Minor Threats" ones.  

They're certainly sympathetic characters, though.  The Continuum apparently sent the six Alternates through a portal into "the Ledge," some sort of alternate dimension, in order to close it behind them.  They then spent time in this other dimension where their powers behaved in different ways.  For example, our protagonist, Mary Marie, found that her shape-shifting powers (which she gained when a Transylvanian midwife used Van Helsing's dagger to do an emergency C-section on her mother) meant the lords of darkness and moonlight revered her as a queen.  Understandably, she misses the connection to these creatures she experienced.  Crab Louie does as well, as he was the "Kin Crustacea" in the Ledge, connected to "all arthropods by an 'etheric neural web.'"

We're introduced to the team as they sit in group therapy and try to pull their lives together in the "real" world.  Mary Marie quits the sessions, saying she's succeeded in getting her life on track, though we know she's lying.  But it doesn't matter as the Silencer (the female Superman on the Continuum) visits Mary Marie and Tripper (the Alternates' leader) to warn them the Continuum has detected traces of the Ledge in Twilight City.  Mary Marie is furious when the Silencer implies the Alternates somehow brought the Ledge with them, even though she yearns to return there.  When the Divider (one of the Alternates) contacts her, she and Tripper go to his apartment and find him dead.  Sure enough, they also find a portion of the Ledge in a vial.

It's a solid premise that should grab me, but it doesn't, at least not yet.  I'll hang in there for the next few issues, though, since I have hope for this crew.

Coda #1:  Holy shit, this issue is *dense.*  In fact, it's *so* dense that I'm honestly considering not getting the second issue because I'm not sure I can have another "The Last God" in my life.

The issue's framing structure involves the unnamed protagonist (later dubbed "Hum") writing to his wife, Serka.  This letter reveals quickly that this world suffered an apocalypse called the Quench.  A former bard, Hum struggles to reconcile the magical world he knew before the Quench with the grim reality of the present day.  His musings come as he scrapes goo off the inside of a dragon skeleton.  The thing is, the skeleton is still alive:  all the dragons lost their magic in the Quench, but they're immortal so they remain tethered to their skeletons.  (Oof.)  The dragon hilariously exhorts Hum to kill the rats scurrying inside him lest he immolate him, but Hum knows it's an empty (heh) threat.

After extracting something from the dragon, Hum moves on his way.  But a bandit stops him and reveals that he hides shiny things in the skeleton to attract marks.  But he's surprised when Hum's"pentacorn" (i.e., a demonic unicorn) bites him in two.  The dragon begs Hum to give him the powerful ring he senses Hum has on his person, but Hum merely mounts his pentacorn and leaves.  Another group of bandits chases Hum and his pentacorn, injecting "akker" into their horses to turn them into monsters (like the pentacorn).  One bandit speeds toward Hum only for him to knock the man off his horse and the pentacorn to bite off the horse's head.

Hum arrives at Ridgetown, which is a fortified city with an enormous cannon atop a tower looming over it.  Hum gives us more back story as he arrives in town, expositing that the "latest in a long line of unpronounceable dark lords" finally won, raining down fire from the sky and killing the "ylves."  Since that point, magic hasn't existed.  Hum submits to the guards searching him at the gate but smuggles in his ring in his fake leg.

At a tavern, a young urchin sees Hum writing and asks why he's doing so.  She informs him that someone took his pentacorn and asks him for a drop of "green" (i.e., the akker) to tell him where it is.  She also demands to know why he's writing his wife, and he responds that the Urken took her.  The girl feels badly for him as a result and tells him that no one took his pentacorn, the guards just moved him for the parade.  The girl goes with Hum to watch said parade, which entails beasts pulling three large cannonballs  The girl exposits that the cannonballs are for the "doomlauncher," and the mayor, Satlark, parades them through the streets when it's time to take them to the "distillery" to get charged.  Hum notices a guy running toward the cannonballs and throws the girl to the ground before the guy and several other people attack the cannonballs, which explode.  The guards are frantic, but Hum manages to trip a surviving assailant by throwing his fake leg at him.  The assailant uses a nearby knife to kill himself before the guards can interrogate him.

In an audience with Satlark, Hum turns over a badge the bandit from earlier was using to shake down his marks, revealing it's a Ridgetown badge.  The mayor notices Hum's ring, evaluating it at a "vial or two" and guessing he hid it in his leg.  She exposits that she was a grandee of "let us say - a merchant's guild" (sus).  When Hum declines to give his name, just uttering his usual, "Hm," Satlark calls him "Hum."  

Satlark informs Hum that she wants him to become one of her Paladins of Peaceguard (who wear the badge he found).  Hum laughs, saying champions, dignity, guilds, and paladins were ridiculous before the Quench but even more so now.  Satlark notes that Hum saved a child, despite his seeming aversion to hope.  He says that he finds the underdogs most deserve the bone, and Satlark informs him Ridgetown is the underdog.  He dismisses this comment, though she brings him to the top of the tower to show him their enemy.  She has Hum look through a telescope, and Bergara and Doig do a great job here as you see a looming figure whose head and torso extend above the clouds.  Satlark confirms it's Thudergog, the last Giant.  He apparently responds to orders from a bandit clan, and the Doomlauncher is the only defense against them.  She tells Hum that, unexpectedly, they have more magic than iron, so while they forge more iron they need help keeping Ridgetown safe.  

Later, a paladin escorts Hum on a quest, explaining that he needs to complete it to become a Paladin.  He's surprised Satlark told Hum about the Trove, "a mighty horde of the sorcerous distillate - aqua anima (i.e., akker)."  But only a Paladin can access the vault where it's stored.  (Aha.). The Paladin reveals the quest (a word Hum doesn't let him use) is to follow a group of bandits comprised of the aforementioned Urken, a giant-like race who are "survivors of the Dark Lord's foulest armies."  The Paladin takes some akker, but the Urken defeats him easily.  Hum searches the Paladin's body for akker, saying that he'll use it to distract the Urken and kill him.  The Paladin asks how he knows so much about the Urken and, pausing, Hum reveals that a "savage clan" has his wife.  The Paladin stays with the pentacorn as Hum approaches the Urken.  He speaks the Urken's language, and it's clear that he isn't really an enemy of the Urken, which makes it curious why they're holding his wife.  Hum recognizes the Urken's brand means that he isn't a bandit but part of a caravan and asks him to bring him to his leader, who he knows.

At the camp, we're introduced to said leader, Murkrone (a.k.a. "Murk"), a mermaid-like creature who swims in wine.  Murk once told Hum that she could create something to help him save his wife, and Hum reveals his collections to her (including the scab off the dragon that we saw him collect earlier as well as the Paladin's sword and akker).  Murk confirms that he still doesn't have enough akker to do what he wants.  But we also learn why she's good at business:  she guesses that Hum wants to know how much akker he has to steal from Ridgetown to make the item.

Hum departs with a box of iron after shopping Murk's shop (at mate's rates) and tells the Paladin that he killed the Urken and scared the rest into giving him the iron as a tithe.  Ridgetown greets Hum as a hero and initiates him into the Paladins.  That night, he spikes the Paladins' drinks so he can make his way into the Trove, where he discovers the source of the akker:  the last surviving elf, chained to a wall, whose flesh they take to distill akker.  Dun-dun-DUN!

All in all, it's a solid issue, but, man, it is *not* easy to follow.  I had to read it three or four times just to pull together this summary.  I guess I'll give the second issue another go, but, if each issue is this complicated, I'm probably done.

Star Wars:  Darth Vader #38:  In theory, this issue is about Vader holding off the Scourge-controlled droids long enough for his own droid squad to reestablish the Executor's fail-safe mechanism, returning control of the ship to Admiral Piett.  But it's really about the Empire's brutality.  

Mas Amedda sends several Star Destroyers to destroy the Executor, but Admiral Corleque sends a rescue crew instead, revealing that Piett once saved his life during the Battle of Comantira.  Piett sends men to the hull to use the old flag code to warn Corleque's men to beware the droids, but they don't listen and the rescue squad includes droids who the Scourge absorbs once they arrive on the Executor.  The Scourge then send droids to Coleque's ship, taking it over quickly.  Piett gives Corleque time to escape, but he's eventually forced to destroy the ship with all onboard.  It's poignant in that you know Piett isn't just a monster; he really tried to save Corleque but also understood the threat was too great in allowing the Scourge more time.

Meanwhile, Vader flees to Mustafar, not realizing the Scourge now controls Zed, who introducing it to the "Techno Union droid factory of Mustafar."  Ruh-roh.

Undiscovered Country #25:  Snyder and Soule make it pretty clear that we're coming to the end.

First things first, the team finds itself in Zone Bounty, where giant-sized humans  produce 80 percent of America's crops.  They believe Aurora sent the team to Zone Bounty to help with the pestilence afflicting the crops.  They apparently communicate directly with Aurora via a train in which they send the crops once a year.  The train is leaving in two days, giving the team the opportunity to speak directly with Aurora.

Second, though, Chang's communication with the PAPZ leader reveals that the team has only been in America for three days and *somehow* their presence resulted in the AEA and PAPZ getting the cure for Sky, saving the world.  Before Chang can get more information, enormous locusts attack him and interrupt his call.  The now-robotic Buzz and the giants save Chang and the rest of the team, though Chang doubles back later to get his phone.  Lottie is onto him, as she revealed earlier in the issue.  She knocks Chang unconscious and grabs the phone, which is when the leader confirms the oustide world somehow has the cure for Sky.

It seems we're just left with two questions:  how and why?  Lottie notes to Chang in their first conversation that every zone has taught them not to invade America, almost like Aurora is asking for help in defending America from an invasion.  Given what we saw of the future in Zone History, it seems possible AEA and PAPZ have already invaded, which is how they secured Sky.  We'll see, I guess.

Meanwhile, Snyder and Soule use Valentina and Ace reconnecting as a chance to discuss Aurora's other message, namely the fact that everything changes and you can only make the best decision in the moment you occupy.  Snyder and Soule note they started the series in 2019, which seems a long time ago.  You can tell the pandemic is really influencing the series' philosophy, a good reminder to engage more directly with life than we usually do as humans.