Not-Very-Deep Thoughts: The February 22 Spider-Affinity Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Amazing Spider-Man #24:  This issue just doesn't make a lick of sense, and I say that as someone who read the original Clone Saga.  Let's start at the top.  First, Ben has become so over-the-top melodramatic that a Bond villain would tell him he's trying too hard.  Seriously, he's a mustache and damsel short of being a 1920s silent-film villain.  I get we're supposed to believe Warren repeatedly murdering him drove him insane, but why did his insanity just start manifesting itself now?  What about the sensible guy we saw in the first two-thirds of this event who just wanted Peter to help him help other people?  Where'd he go?  My suspension of disbelief became even less willful when Otto steals the only perfect clone from Ben.  Otto just so happened to invent only one perfect clone, all without Ben knowing?  Ben -- with all his knowledge, as Peter, of Otto's deviousness -- never had Otto show him his plans?  Although he had the upper hand with Otto given his control of the pills he had to take, Ben was never like, "Hey, Otto, you're a crafty guy, I'm going to make sure I can access all your research and audit it daily."  I guess not.  They just don't make geniuses like they used to make 'em.  At any rate, Ben manages to get near a Webware device to access Peter's signal, forestalling his disintegration.  He retreats to his safe house, an exact replica of Aunt May's house that he had the Miles clones build for him.  (Who knew Warren was a brilliant geneticist and an expert carpenter?)  Conveniently, it means the real Warren knew where he'd go, and he's there waiting for him.  Seriously, I have no idea how it could be the "real" Warren, given how many times he's died in the past.  But "Clone Conspiracy" #5 already established some clones survived the Carrion virus, so I guess it doesn't matter if this version of Warren is a clone or the original:  suffice it to say, he's alive.  That is, he's alive until he sets Ben's perfect little house on fire and then Ben collapses it on top of him.  Ben escapes the police who converge on the house, dedicating himself to putting his past behind him.  At this stage, even if you buy the completely ridiculous series of events that gets us to this point, it's hard to see how Marvel is going to treat Ben as anything other than a totally bat-shit crazy villain.  They're also going to have to explain how he and all the other clones who survived haven't crumbled into dust, though I imagine they'll try to avoid that if they can.  Honestly, as much as I love Ben Reilly, I just don't know if I can read his new series.  The original sin of this awful event may just be too much.

Prowler #5:  As launches to a series go, it's probably not a great idea to reveal in the fifth issue that the main character you've watched whine his way through the series so far was actually a clone of the main character, meaning you won't actually see the main character until issue #6.  But, you know what?  I won't be here to see it.

Spider-Gwen #17:  OMG, this script could not have gotten more awkward if you added...well, if you added another teenager to the mix.  I mean "awkward" in the best possible way, because Latour really ups the ante when he has Ms. Marvel stumble upon Miles getting all confessionally close to Gwen.  Awesomesauce, as the kids would say.  (I'm also pretty sure Miles was delayed in following Gwen and Kamala not because dogs smelled the egg salad on his pants but because he had to...wait...for things to...simmer down.  Latour totally wanted us to think that, right?)  In terms of the plot, I feel like it's either deceptively simple or I'm missing something significant.  As I understand it, the S.I.L.K. agents, led by Earth-65 Jefferson, are trying to steal enough Earth-616 equipment and batteries to sell on their Earth to fund their own dimension-hopping watches.  But, Gwen made it sound like they needed Earth-65 Reed to build said watches.  Would he really build such a watch for S.I.L.K.?  Or, he wouldn't, and S.I.L.K. is trying to build their own watch?  But it's not going well because they don't have Reed?  And that's why they can't control the watches?  Maybe?  Eh, who cares?  More awkward adolescent adoration!

Not-Very-Deep Thoughts: The January 25 Marvel Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Black Panther #10:  Not unexpectedly, Coates gets even more philosophical in the last moments of peace before Tetu and his zombie-like forces arrive in the Golden City.  T'Challa asks forgiveness from Changamire for his sins, particularly his pride in thinking he was better than his ancestors for not resorting to torture and then considering doing exactly that when his back was against the wall.  But, T'Challa isn't the only one here who needs to repent.  Although Changamire refuses to acknowledge he clings to a fantasy of how governments work, he is forced to acknowledge T'Challa doesn't want to dominate his people as king and, conversely, Tetu probably does.  Similarly, Shuri gets the Dora Milaje to admit what they already know, that Tetu will turn on them once the Golden City falls.  With these reluctant allies secured, T'Challa and Shuri show why they're the best there is at what they do.

Captain America:  Steve Rogers #10:  After "Mighty Captain Marvel" #1, I assumed Maria Hill was found innocent, since Carol discusses building the Shield.  But, Spencer throws us a curveball here:  Maria finally gets her comeuppance.  (A lot of comeuppance happening this week, apparently.)  She's found guilty and flees the Helicarrier to deliver the Shield plans to Carol.  Needless to say, the Skull is furious:  we learn his plan is to have the Chitauri invade Earth so he can come to power in the wake of the destruction they will inevitably cause.  We still don't know exactly why Steve wanted to see Sharon put in charge instead of Maria, though.  Does he think Maria more competent than Sharon?  Is he worried she would suss out his plans more easily?  Did he know Sharon would give the job to him?  It also seems weird he'd want S.H.I.E.L.D. to be more powerful if the plan is for Earth to fall to the Chitauri.  But, more powerful it will be, thanks to Sharon pulling out all the stops to get the S.H.I.E.L.D. Act passed, allowing it to become America's first line of defense in case of a Doomsday scenario or terrorist attack (or alien invasion).  Sharon tells Steve he needs to be Director, since the person leading the organization with all that power has to be beyond reproach.  If I had to guess, Steve plans on leading S.H.I.E.L.D. to failure in the Chitauri invasion so he can show even at its most powerful it's less effective than HYDRA.  The only good news Steve gets in this issue is the revelation that Free Spirit pulled the plug on Jack Flag before he has to administer a drug to kill him.  At least he's wrapped up one loose end.

Thunderbolts #9:  I can't say I'm thrilled Marvel's sucked me into reading this series, but I have to admit I find myself charmed.  The team is fun, and it's great to see Bucky again.  That said, it's hard to see why "Captain America:  Steve Rogers" #10 directed its readers to this issue.  Other than the mere presence of Bucky, this issue is nowhere near as connected to Spencer's story as issues #7-#8 were.  As far as I can tell, the only possible connection is if the alien race the Thunderbolts capture here are somehow connected to the Chitauri, meaning the beacon they activated will draw the Chitauri to Earth.  But, no one even remotely mentions that here, so it's just a guess.  I guess we'll see.

IvX #3 and All-New X-Men #17:  Lemire does a pretty convincing job here of portraying the NuHumans as a threat the X-Men underestimated.  Inferno gets the drop on Logan because he was overconfident, though Forge somewhat unconvincingly blunders into telling Iso exactly how to disable the machine he's building to eliminate the remaining Terrigen Cloud.  It's still unclear how the Royal Family is going to escape Magik's prison to then break into X-Haven, but I have to admit it's a solid plan.  But, it's Hopeless that grounds this event in actual emotions.  If tactical conversations are par for the course in the main title, Hopeless makes young Hank sound ridiculous as he lays out the plan for Bobby, who just cares about finally kissing Romeo.  The good news is he does, when he follows the X-Men into New Attilan simply to find him.  Is it responsible?  No, it's not.  After all, if the X-Men don't win, Bobby's going to be dead in two weeks.  Does it matter though?  Nope.  After all, Bobby essentially argues they wouldn't be at this point if people had the motivation to solve the impasse that he and Romeo have.  He's not wrong.  In fact, for the one taken the least seriously of all the X-Men, he's probably the only one thinking straight (heh) at this point.

Prowler #4:  Hobie has always been a little arrogant, but Ryan makes him a downright asshole in this series.  First, he continues lamenting he has to do everything on his own...even after Julia saves his life, getting him to New U and his pills in time.  But, he also complains about her condescension when she refuses to see the Jackal as an agent of good.  But, of course, Julia is right, so it's hard to argue she was just being condescending in refusing to believe him.  Hobie doesn't even really try to argue his case:  he just wants her to believe him because he believes it.  I like Hobie, and I wanted to like this series.  But, Ryan has him wallow in so much text-box misery that it's not the series for me, unfortunately.

Also Read:  Avengers #1.MU; Extraordinary X-Men #18; Star Wars #27-#28

Not-Very-Deep Thoughts: The December 28 Marvel Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Captain America:  Steve Rogers #8-#9:  The problem with Maria Hill's Jack Nicholson moment here -- as she pitches the idea of the a planetary defense shield to save her from getting ousted as the head of S.H.I.E.L.D. -- is that she never explains why she's the only person capable of building it.  If S.H.I.E.L.D. scientists were the ones who invented it, Sharon Carter could just as easily build the Shield, couldn't she?  My main issue right now is that I don't also want to have to start reading "Thunderbolts" to understand everything happening here.  For example, in issue #8, Steve wants to use the new Quasar to get in touch with Bucky, but it isn't clear why he does.  Presumably I'd understand if I were reading "Thunderbolts," but I can't read every series on the shelves, Marvel.

Civil War II #8:  I honestly don't know if the ending here is brilliant or the greatest cop-out of all time.  In the end, Ulysses "ascends," becoming a celestial being.  Before he does so, he confirms -- with his newfound insight -- that he really was seeing multiple futures, not a linear one.  However, no one seems to care Tony was proven correct.  Carol is somehow seen as the winner, despite beating Tony into a coma as he (correctly) tried to save Miles from her.  In fact, Beast tells Carol that Tony himself didn't see the issue as one between him and Carol:  he trusted Carol to use Ulysses' visions responsibly, but he didn't trust the person after her to do so.  I don't really buy that, to be honest.  Tony didn't believe Ulysses' visions were actionable, period; it didn't matter who interpreted them.  But, I guess it doesn't matter because Tony's in a coma.  In the end, Ulysses was the MacGuffin he always seemed to be.  The only real outcome of this event is the launch of "Champions," and I can't say that development alone was worth the $30+ I spent on this series.

Extraordinary X-Men #17:  For all the faults of the main series, Lemire does a great job here of showing us Storm's path to war:  she realizes she has to act after holding the hand of little girl who idolized her as she dies of M-Pox.  Despite the fact that the science driving this war has always been poorly explained, Lemire helps us move past that point.  He encourages us just to buy what he and Soule are selling:  the X-Men have to fight this war for survival.  I don't care about the Inhumans, so I'm not collecting any of their series.  As such, I don't know how they're spinning their side.  But, it's hard to see how they'd argue their religious beliefs justify the extermination of a race and the death of a girl, as we see here.  That's always been the other problem with this event, but I guess I have to get past that part, too.

Mighty Thor #14:  Just in case we didn't think Malekith was enough of an asshole, he burns Alfheim to the ground  and maims Queen Aelsa in this issue.  Yeah, he's a dick.  Jane pledges the League of Realms will end the War of Realms in its favor but, honestly, it's hard to see betting against Malekith at this point. 

Prowler #3:  I can't say I understand why Electro (Electra?) has singled out Hobie for abuse, other than the possibility she's just a bully.  But, it makes for an entertaining fight.  But, my real question is why Hobie believes he can only ever rely on himself when he's saved by Julia at the end of the issue.  Is it supposed to show us he's barely conscious and unaware of what she's doing?  Otherwise, it sounds pretty ungrateful, to say the least. 

Spider-Man #10:  I waited to read this issue until I had read "Civil War II" #8, since I had heard online that it spoiled that issue.  (Sometimes it's good to have a several week backlog of issues.)  Having now read it, two things struck me.  First, Bendis really does get Miles.  I mean, it makes sense, since he created Miles.  But, he delivers a really moving portrait of a young man struggling to be a better person than he thinks he is.  Miles is worried he's going to go the way of his father and uncle, and he confesses to his friends that he struggles with murderous impulses every time he fights.  It's a reminder of how young he is and how you want someone like Luke Cage or Peter Parker to take him under his wing to explain how normal that is, that his concern over those feelings is what makes him a good person.  But, I was also struck by how terribly Marvel has screwed up "Civil War II."  If you read this issue, you would believe Tony Stark died at the end of "Civil War II."  He doesn't, but you'd think he did.  It's not exactly service to the reader to preemptively spoil the ending of another series, only for said spoiling not actually happening.

Also Read:  Black Panther #9; Mighty Captain Marvel #0; Spider-Man #11; Star Wars #26; Uncanny Avengers #18

Not-Very-Deep Thoughts: The October 26 Marvel Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

All-New, All-Different Avengers #15:  In all seriousness (really), the best part of this excellent issue may be the letters page!  Roman's letter explaining No-Prize rules and Alanna's responses are LOL funny, and, as an oldster like Roman, it makes my FOM heart glad.

Captain America:  Steve Rogers #6:  The problem with this series at this point is that the shtick at its core -- Steve Rogers as a HYDRA agent -- is starting to get old.  I'm not saying it isn't well executed. In fact, Spencer has probably given us the best "Civil War II" tie-in issues, showing how Steve is manipulating the civil war between the superheroes to advance his own agenda.  But, at some point, we know this story is going to end.  The only suspense is how it ends.  Will Steve publicly be revealed as a HYDRA agent, destroying decades of credibility?  It would fit with the post-"Civil War II" theme we saw in the "Champions" debut, of a world that has entirely lost faith in its "heroes."  But, can Marvel really do that to the brand?  It feels more likely Kobik will just will away the entire experience.  It's that possibility that's starting to make this series feel tedious.  Marvel seems to have grand plans for the Red Skull ever since he took Xavier's brain in "Uncanny Avengers."  But, it's been over four years since that happened.  Are we ever going to see a reckoning?  Until then -- when presumably he'll lose control over Kobik and said wiping will occur-- we're just spinning our wheels here, waiting for the inevitable psychic plane battle between Johann and Steve that we already saw at the end of "Captain America:  Reborn."

Champions #1:  I don't have too much to say about this issue, since Waid hits most of the marks well. It's not the most exciting way to get the team together, but it works, so I'm not complaining.  Waid's decision to separate the younger Avengers from the team feels right, disgusted as they are in the way the adults spend more time fighting each other than injustice.  It's the sort of optimism the young can have despite all odds, so it makes sense that Kamala, Miles, and Sam hit the road.  The challenge for Waid is going to be to test them, but not leave them completely disillusioned.  "New Warriors" collapsed in part because everything was so grim all the time.  Waid probably needs to have Kamala's promise of a better way -- where people with powers aren't just pounding people who don't have powers -- persist in despite of adversity.  Otherwise, it's going to be just another team book, and these characters are too good for that.

Civil War II #6:  I officially have no idea what's happening anymore.  We've got a burning Triskellion that I don't remember ever being attacked.  We've got the fact that I'm not really clear on which side most of the characters have taken, a confusion exacerbated when a number of them switch sides this issue.  (When did Jean and Storm start worshiping Queen Carol?  Why is T'Challa an asshole simply for disagreeing with Carol based on pretty sound evidence that Ulysses' predictions can be wrong?)  We've got the false equivalency of Cap and Miles standing at the Capitol next issue proving Miles doesn't kill him, even though it only prove Miles doesn't kill him in that exact moment.  We've got the junior Avengers praising someone named RiRi for her actions on the field, but I don't remember even seeing her last issue, let alone seeing her do anything.  I could re-read issue #5 and then this issue and try to make sense of it all, but I don't really care enough to do so.  If Marvel doesn't care enough to put out these issues on anything approaching a regular schedule, why should I put in the work trying to understand the story?

New Avengers #17:  We learn three important things in this issue.  First, the Maker is trying to reconstruct the original multiverse and make it stronger so we're ready for some sort of coming war.  (Isn't there always some sort of coming war?)  Second, 'Berto didn't lose his powers, but doesn't use them because it costs him several years of his life every time he does.  Third, Dum Dum Dugan's prime body is alive.  Taken together, it clears up some of the mystery hanging over this series.  "Berto seems to be preparing to finish off A.I.M next issue and it seems like H.A.M.M.E.R is in his sights after that...if he survives the experience, as the cover to next issue implies.

Prowler #1:  I was excited about this series, since Prowler has been one of my favorite B-Listers ever since I first encountered him in "Amazing Spider-Man" #304.  These types of characters don't get a lot of chances to shine.  For every surprisingly successful "Hawkeye" run, there's a dozen or so "Black Knight"s or "Red Wolf"s, where the creative team isn't able to convince anyone beyond long-time fans to return for issue #2.  I'm worried Hobie is going to fall into that category.  Marvel is giving a number of B-Listers and C-Listers their own series this month, and I've read a few of the first issues.  The "Solo" debut was solid, giving new readers a good idea of his modus operandi but focusing enough on action to keep the casual reader engaged.  Unfortunately, Ryan fails to do that here.  He not only spends too much time narrating Hobie's past, but the casual reader has to be following all the twists and turns of the "Clone Conspiracy" event to have a hope of understanding what happens in this issue.  It's that sort of in-universe focus in a first issue that can kill a series before it gets off the ground.  My opinion is obviously colored by the fact that I'm not buying what Slott is selling in "Clone Conspiracy," but I feel like we don't even have a chance of Hobie getting to stand on his own two feet before the axe drops on this series.

Also Read:  Extraordinary X-Men #15; Ms. Marvel #12; Poe Dameron #7; Star Wars #24