Seven-Month-Old Comics!: The May 15 Top-Shelf Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

G.I. Joe:  A Real American Hero #306:  This issue is basically just walking us through the various evil-doer plots and counter-plots.

Zartan manages to trick Serpentor Khan's heat seeking missile into destroying his Swamp Speeder without him on it and knows enough about how the world works to know that the M.A.R.S emblem on the missile's shrapnel means Destro is definitely not the person trying to kill him.  

On Cobra Island, Khan is frustrated by the lack of a confirmed hit on Zartan but delights over the enhanced cyborgs Revanche is producing.  

At Destro's castle, one of his aides approaches him and whispers that Zartan (who's speaking to Destro at that moment) is a simulacrum.  At that moment, "Zartan" is trying to convince Destro to join forced to take on Cobra Commander in Springfield.  The Baroness goes to kill "Zartan," but Destro stops her.  Correctly deducing Serpentor Khan is behind the ruse, Destro decides to use "Zartan" to feed misinformation to Serpentor.  

In Springfield, Cobra guards open fire on Dawn's parents's car after a patrolman stops them from leaving town.  (They shoot because Dawn's mother tells the patrolman she's going for their papers in the glove compartment, and the patrolman — probably correctly — surmises she's going for a gun.)

At Revanche HQ in Jersey, a Blue Ninja confirms to Alpha-001 that they found Serpentor's extra chip on ones of the cyborgs.  They then reprogrammed the latest shipment of chips to add a Revanche override to Serpent's chip.

A group of Joes (Wet-Suit, Helix, Multo, and Muskrat) quietly arrive on Cobra Island.

Finally, in the Bayou, Zartan informs the Dreadnoks someone tried to kill him, and Ripper suggests they set up an alliance with Destro.

Napalm Lullaby #3:  I'm trying to like this one, but Remender isn't making it easy.

Glokor's Citadel of Heaven is basically an upscale mall, where everyone there mindlessly pursues conformism and vanity.  Sarah dubs it "moral fascism," as they willingly refuse to consider any viewpoints other than their own and, as such, are all complicit in "our decline...so long as it keeps them comfortable."  As an empath, Sam is overwhelmed by this extreme level of egotism and begins to lose control over his ability not to set things on fire.

An angel exposits the basic framework on how Heaven works:  you climb the pyramid's 30 levels to cleanse your soul of the "filth of Kestuul," who "used science to control us" and gave us "hedonism, lust, depravity, barbarism, abortion, homosexuality, greed, pollution, and war."  The Leader later informs the pilgrims that they have to recruit 100 souls for baptism for their "ultimate salvation."

An angel sniffs out a "sindicator," but it isn't Sam, it's a would-be terrorist planning on detonating himself.  (How did he get into the Citadel?)  But the guards manage to cover him in some sort of plasma that restrains the blast, igniting only the would-be bomber.  

Another angel eventually identifies Sam, Sarah, and their father, who tries to get them to leave.  Sarah resists and starts to say something about making it all this way.  She doesn't get to finish that thought because the Janitor incinerates her father, whom she calls Xander.  Also, the Janitor may be their mother.

It's hard to tell here how exactly Glokor's religion works.  If I'm guessing correctly, the Citadel began with a certain number of rich people living there.  They now form the Citadel's elites, and the pilgrims have to bring in the people for their Ponzi scheme to work.

At any rate, I'm not really buying any of it, so I'm getting off this train here.

Redcoat #2:  This series is definitely the Ghost Machine launch that I could see myself abandoning soon.  I mentioned last issue that Simon isn't particularly likable, but after this issue I have to admit that he isn't particularly interesting, either.

The melee that began last issue continues here, as Simon and Einstein fight off the cultists.  One of them manages to hit Simon with an axe etched with symbols, though Simon shrugs off the attack.  As he narrates the battle, Simon tells us that it's the first time he's engaged with the cultists since he became immortal in 1776 and that he's only aware of one other immortal besides himself.  He assesses this group of cultists as young and not ageless making him wonder what they want with him.  But, given it's Simon, he doesn't wonder too much and bolts, leaving Einstein to follow.

As they walk through Boston Simon tries to lose Einstein, though suddenly a blue flare of energy emits from his wound, knocking them both off their feet.  Einstein tells him that he won't heal from this wound as easily as he usually does, saying that he and everyone else in the United States are in danger.

On a train to New York, Einstein explains how his sister, Maja, had visions of "glowing men and metal soldiers and an immortal mercenary in a red coat."  Maja predicts a ritual gone wrong will leave America "burning from coast to coast."  These visions came while Einstein was in a phase where he was actively trying to prove "spiritualists, magicians, and fortune tellers" wrong given his newfound belief in science.  However, Maja correctly predicts a fire in their father's workshop and other visions come to pass.  After their parents don't believe her, Maja sends Einstein to find Simon.

Simon isn't really buying what Einstein is selling but agrees to travel with him to find the one person he knows who might be able to answer the questions Einstein raises.  The wound lets off energy again on a train, and Einstein says that he thinks Simon's condition will get worse because the cultists knew that only Simon can stop them.  They arrive in New York and head to the mansion of the founder of the "so-called Society of Patriarchs" as he's throwing a lavish Gilded Age party.  The founder is Simon's fellow immortal, Benedict Arnold.  

Although they're rivals, Benedict also seems to take care of Simon, for reasons Johns doesn't explain.  Benedict sends Simon and Einstein into his study so he can finish dancing with J.P. Morgan's daughter (smart, Benny) and enters just as Simon suffers another burst of energy from the wound.  As he does, Simon has a vision of fire spreading from sea to sea as Maja did.  Benedict recognizes the axe as the Axe of Lies and informs Simon that he'll be dead (for realsies) in three days.

The Weatherman, Vol. 3 #5:  [Breathes.]

I don't know what to say here.  Every issue of this series manages to top the previous one.  I opened this issue with trepidation, scared of the things LeHeup planned for characters I love.  I was correct.  It was brutal.

We begin with Burga's staff figuring out a way get around Zane jamming their transmission so she can get out a message to the Martian people that the Sword of God has acquired a second sample of the biophagus and, unless a "small tactical force of elite Arcadian operatives" stop it, Mars will go the way of Earth and Venus.  As Burga tells everyone to go to their loved ones and make their peace, Cross, the Marshal, and White Light arrive at the facility, with a furious looking Ian and Jenner looking down at them from the top of the wall.

Cross blows open the gates and sends White Light to disable the hypergate and the Marshal to destroy the power source.  When the Marshal asks where she's going, she says simply, "Don't wait for me," and the three of them silently go their separate ways.

White Light encounters Molly, and their battle is brutal.  Molly uses a grenade to throw White Light into a set of pipes, but White Light uses her electric knife to set the chemicals leaking from the pipe on fire, thus setting Molly on fire.  At this point, we learn Molly is mostly metal as her still-burning self emerges from the fire like Arnold in "Terminator."

Cross arrives in one of Alice's labs but hears an explosion outside the doors.  She sees the Marshal with his back unknowingly to the fire (which I think is from the blast that White Light caused) and shouts a warning to him just as a huge tank explodes.  The Marshal manages to jump to safety, but the floor collapses under him.  He finds himself on the floor below that one, face-to-face with the power source...and Jenner.  Cross scrambles to get to the Marshal, but Ian appears and slams her into the ground.  Notably, Cross calls him Nathan, not Ian.

Molly is on a full tear after White Light, opening fire on her.  White Light uses a steel plate to deflect the bullets only for Molly to use her chainsaw arm to cut the plate in half.  Spewing a flame thrower, Molly corners White Light, who manages to hurdle over Molly and collapse a door frame on her, buying White Light a few minutes.

Jenner calls the Marshal by his name —Komatsu Michio — and asks if he's there to bring him to justice.  The Marshal says justice has nothing to do with it, and Jenner simply says, "Of course.  Revenge.  Are they not one and the same?"  The Marshal then tells him he's always talked too much and attacks with his katana.

Upstairs, Amanda tells Ian that she doesn't want to hurt him, and he wordlessly pummels her.  After grabbing her electric knife, he kicks her off the platform onto a lower one and leaps in the air, knife above his head, missing Cross only when she manages to roll to her side.  She then tells him that she definitely wants to hurt him now.

Molly hunts White Light, telling her women should support other women in the workplace (ha!) as she arrives at a magnetron (or some other large device with magnets).  Seeing White Light in the control room, Molly tries to bolt, but White Light activates the device, ripping all the metal off her body.  Appalled by Molly's remains of a body, White Light puts her hand to her mouth, only for Molly to sign, "Thank you," before dying.  Oof.

At the power source, Jenner tells the Marshal that family made him soft.  He tells him that he was a credit to the ORCA program and asks if he knew why they ended the program.  The Marshal manages to shoot out part of the ceiling above Jenner, seemingly killing him.  But Jenner emerges covered in the biophagus, stating, "I happened."  

Jenner reveals the "the suits found a way to splice [his] DNA with the healing properties of the virus" to "build a better murderer."  Jenner then rips off the Marshal's cybernetic arms and —pasted over a flashback of him killing everyone in the lab that made him what he is — impales the Marshal with his cyberblade arm.  He then hands the Marshal the locket from last issue as the facility's PA announces, "Maximum energy output exceeded."  The Marshal looks at the pictures in the locket and, in a flashback, sees a beautiful woman at the beach with her boy playing with a bucket in the surf behind her.  He then dies.

You guys.  Not the Marshal.  I can't.

Seven-Month-Old Comics!: The April 17 Top-Shelf Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Blade Runner 2039 #12:  Happily, Johnson ends on a high note here as we get to see Ash and Niander Wallace, Jr. circle each other like prize fighters.  Like any good fight, it ends in a draw, the future uncertain.

Starting right where we left off last issue, Wallace, Jr. again promises to heal Ash.  His price?  Isobel.  He calls in a good squad of five Replicants I vaguely recognize, and Ash tells him that she has bullets for everyone.  Wallace, Jr. promises not to hurt Isobel, and Ash tells him, in a very Ash-like way, that Isobel's life isn't Ash's to barter.  Wallace, Jr. then orders his minions to take out Ash and tells a still hogtied Luv that he'll return for her.

Outside, Wallace, Jr. enters his spinner to find another goon unconscious or dead and Ash in the driver's seat.  Ash confirms the "Ash" inside is Rash, and Wallace, Jr. ponders the fact that he hasn't, in fact, perfected the obedience protocol.  As Ash and Wallace, Jr. head "home," Rash takes out the goons and then stares at Luv, repeating her statement that she has enough bullets.  It's the last time we see Luv, and it isn't clear if Rash frees or kills her.

Ash lands at a destroyed apartment and informs Wallace, Jr. that it's the private sanctum of Dr. Eldon Tyrell, where he was murdered.  Wallace, Jr. repeats his offer, telling Ash she'll die within a year if she doesn't accept his help.  Ash tells him that her conditions for keeping him alive are to leave Cleo and Isobel alone and stop making Replicant Blade Runners.  As he finds a piece of origami, Wallace, Jr. simply says, "Checkmate."  

But he asks Ash what'll keep him to his promise after she dies, and she tells him that he'll be too busy.  She hands him Selwyn's research, which obviates his need for Isobel.  Wallace, Jr. is stunned, and Ash says she wants him to make so many Replicants who'll then make Replicants that they eventually outnumber the humans.  Wallace, Jr. asserts that he'll control them and, recalling Rash, Ash notes that he's too arrogant.

Later, Ash sends Cleo and Isobel on their way, this time with Rash, who'll protect them.  Sitting on a rooftop ledge, Freysa is furious that Ash gave Wallace, Jr. "the future."  Ash tells her that she'd do it again and is just glad she gets to spend that future with Freysa.  Yay!  I was worried these two weren't going to make it.

In her narration that ends the series, Ash says that she doesn't really know if she'll die within a year or "ten more" (an important number, obviously, since it'd bring us to 2049), but she's grateful for whatever time she gets.  I was just grateful to spend this time with Ash.  It's been a spectacular series of series from start to finish, and I can't wait to see where Johnson goes with this world.

Cobra Commander #4:  First things first, part of this series' charm is Milana's art, which perfectly matches Williamson's script in its mysteries and shadows.

The issue begins with a terrified Dreadnok opening a cap to an underground bunker for CC who makes his way through the tunnel as a voice tells him that he's working as fast as he can and begs him not to hurt him.  CC discovers the Dreadnoks were keeping a crazy scientist locked in the tunnel.

Zander, Zarana, and Buzzer are hiding from Protector, and Zander proposes they use "the Juice" against him, given its explosive nature.  Shoving Buzzer into Protector's path, Zandar beelines for the Dreadnoks' base as Zarana searches for any still-living Dreadnok, calling after Zandar that they can't leave behind their family.  Zander's plan works long enough for him to get an airboat, and Zarana manages to get Buzzer and Torch on it as they escape.

In the laboratory, the scientist tells CC the Dreadnoks harvested Energon in its raw form and he found a way to covert it into energy.  CC observes the scientist has more Energon than the swamps could provide, and the scientist says he learned to use other forms of radiation to expand it (though he admitted he can't duplicate it).  CC puts four spider-bots drones on a lab table, and the scientist uses Energon to charge them.

CC heads topside where he encounters Protector, whom he finally calls by his name, Nemesis.  CC orders the guy who opened the cap for him to give him the name of all the Dreadnok's buyers.  He then tells Nemesis that it's time to leave, but Nemesis turns on him now that the mission is complete.  CC is outraged Golobulus betrayed him, though I'm not entirely sure Nemesis isn't acting on his own.  

But CC is no slouch and attacks Nemesis with a chainsaw.  Nemesis tries to rip off CC's mask, shrugging off the electrical charge that accompanies the attempt.  Nemesis flies CC into the air and drops him.  Surviving the fall, CC insults Nemesis for thinking CC didn't see this betrayal coming and has his spider-bots form an Iron Man-esque glove.  He then inserts a container of Energon into it and blasts Nemesis in half.

In the swamp, the Dreadnok from the cap is still running, but CC finds him.  The Dreadnok tells him his face looks like puke, and CC forces him to confess they only had one buyer:  Destro.  Dun-dun-DUN!

Kill Your Darlings #8:  This issue probably should've been two issues or an even longer extended issue, as Parker and Sheridan are forced to rush through some sequences given how much ground they cover here.  For example, I would've liked for Quinn to have more space to show the final confrontation between the Witch's minions and the Rosewoodians, which mostly gets crammed into a single page with too many panels.  All that said, it's still a satisfying ending to a great saga.

In a distant land, Wallace tells President Mayor Starlight that he and the Rosewoodians are going to set sail the next morning as the Great Evil is on their trail.  Wallace thanks Starlight for keeping them safe as well as harboring...something all these years.

On a nearby beach, Rose is trying to use the Witch's spell book to cast spells, to no avail.  Elliott tries to comfort a frustrated Rose, but she rants that she needs to learn these spells so she can send Elliott home.  Elliott tells her that he isn't going "home."  When Rose starts talking about his family, he tells her that he's been watching his family wither slowly in front of him his entire life.  He couldn't help his mom as she slid into dementia or his dad as he slid into alcoholism.  But he can save the other person he loves:  Rose.  He tells Rose that if he returns to Earth to water his mother's garden, it'll be with Rose.  Rose impulsively kisses him and then they sit together in an awkward if companionable silence.

Interrupting the moment (welcomely), Wallace arrives with a shattering crystal, which Rose recognizes as the Silver Flame of Kichendror (the item Starlight kept hidden).  The crystal starts to crack, and we see an eye peek at us through the opening.

We then fast-forward eight years.  The Witch is sitting on a throne surrounded by the ghosts of her fellow witches that she couldn't save.  We watch as a desiccated Evil bursts into the throne room to tell the Witch that Rose is coming.  Rose enters, and the Witch tells her that she shouldn't have come by herself.  Rose responds, in a wonderful moment that shows how much she's grown, "Oh, Eleanor, when have I ever been alone?"

On cue, outside, Wallace and the Rosewoodians attack the Witch's minions, who are the captured Rosewoodians that the Witch has changed to look like villagers (as she did last issue with he "parents").  Wallace hits one of them with an arrow that has a glowing purple potion at its tip, and the potion turns the villager back into its Rosewoodian self.  In the castle, the Witch gives her waning power to Evil, who grows several stories tall, exploding from the castle.  The Witch gloats, recalling Rose's fear when she first confronted Evil in that cave.  But her gloating doesn't last, as a bright eagle-like creature (i.e., the Silver Flame of Kichendror), with a bearded and sexy AF Elliott riding her, attacks Evil.

The Witch then attacks Rose, who bring out Francine MK 2.  We see all the battles taking place, in the aforementioned busy panel, as the Rosewoodians deliver more potions.  The Witch traps Rose in vines, but Rose reminds her she read her book and returns the favor.  Encasing the Witch in a cage made of vines, Rose tells her it ends her way, with no more bloodshed.  

Rose recalls that her mother told her that you have to make friends with your monsters and ponders whether they're all not monsters.  She undoes the vine cage and tells the Witch that she's sorry for what her mother did and the pain she left behind her.  Rose tells the Witch she always wanted to hate her mother, but she just found herself missing her instead.  She confesses she wants to hate the witch, too, but she read her book and knows how much pain she's suffered.  She tells the Witch she probably imagines there isn't much human left inside her, and the Witch expresses shock that Rose is willing to free her after all she's done.  Rose tells the Witch that she can't forgive her all her sins, but she can forgive what she's done to her.

The Witch says it doesn't make sense, and Rose says she should know that nothing does.  She talks about how she created all theses stories because she needed to make sense of everything.  She thought the Witch was just the villain who tried to steal her story.  Returning to the comment last issue that made me laugh — the Witch telling Rose that Rose's pain was the Witch's story — Rose tells her that the story is their story.  (As she does, we see a young Rose clutching Wallace looking at a young Eleanor with fire around her feet.)

Rose then helps the Witch to her feet.  Outside, Evil gloats to Elliott that he can see in his eyes that he never left him, but, before he can kill him, the Witch tells Evil to stop.  Evil reminds the Witch she promised him deaths, and the Silver Flame strikes, ripping out Evil's heart.  A much reduced Evil tells the Witch that she broke the pact and knows what doing so means.  As Evil gloats over the pain awaiting the Witch, Rose cuts him in half with Francine Mk 2, telling the Witch that she made an exception to her "no killing" rule.

Suddenly, a portal to a "realm of Terrors" opens.  The Witch wonders if she actually birthed "this plane of blood and torment," her version of Rosewood.  Rose tells her that she doesn't have to enter the portal, and the Witch responds that she broke a blood oath with "their kind."  Her soul is her penance, but she notes that she's always felt at home among the flames.  As she enters, the Witch tells Rose that she's sorry for the horror she inflicted on the Wilderlands and hopes Rose can save it to make it all mean something.

Later, Rose and Elliott joins the Rosewoodians.  The "villagers" aren't right in the head, as Wallace notes, saying they're going to need help.  Recalling the first time she created Rosewood — on the back of a menu at the diner where her mother worked, after her mother asked her to draw Wallace's homeland — Rose tries to save Rosewood.  Unfortunately, she can't.  

As Rose and Wallace lament her failure, though, a door to Earth suddenly opens.  They all walk through it, and Elliott wonders if the Rosewoodians are going to break people's brains.  But a little girl runs to Wallace and throws her arms around him as the rest of the Rosewoodians enter.

In an epilogue, 16 years later, Rose works on lesson plans as Elliott happily works in the garden.  Her son draws a picture where he's an astronaut facing a Star Eater, who's scary.  Rose then draws a large sword in the astronaut's hand and says, "Doesn't look so scary to me."

I mean, I'm exhausted just writing this review, let alone what it would've been like to live the story told here.  As I said, I wish Parker and Sheridan had more pages to tell this story, because I still feel like we rushed past important moments.  But they still stick the landing.  In the end, it's a story of broken people who don't always respond to adversity in the best way.  In the end, though, Rose had her friends and Eleanor had no one.  By understanding that, Rose is able to forgive Eleanor and save them both.

Go forth and be excellent to each other, y'all.

The Weatherman, Vol. 3 #4:  Man, this series keeps getting grimmer and grimmer.

Hovering above Venus, Jenner throws the biohphagus plague onto the frontier colony of "Resilience," with a population of 31,536 people.  

Meanwhile, in Redd Bay on Mars, a Gambit-looking figure fires sedatives into two M.S.A. guards standing watch on Nate's old apartment.  He makes his way into the apartment and searches for something.  

Elsewhere on Mars, the media are reporting on the incoming election results when they turn to a breaking news story, the arrival of the biophagus plague on Venus.  Outside the Martian president's residence, an enormous crowd gathers demanding Burga's death and for Cyrus to save them.  Burga watches the crowd and ponders aloud that she thought they could win.  Jared tries to reassure her, telling her that only 85% of the districts have reported their results.  But Burga isn't talking about the election:  she's talking about how she thought humanity would find a way to avoid what happened on Earth and that she would lead humanity to that success.  Jared expresses his faith in Burga and Agent Cross, but Burga tells him it might be time to plan for the idea that they might not make it this time.

Suddenly, Zane interrupts their conversation, saying the protestors are ready to break into the residence.  Zane recommends nuking Venus to stop the spread, though Burga notes it didn't work on Earth.  As Burga exits her office, she's met by Zane and a group of gun-toting guards aiming their weapons at her.   A coup!

Above Venus, Cross and the Marshal try to figure out why Jenner used his "magic bullet" on Venus, with its one million people, instead of dropping it on Mars, with its 10 billion people.  The Marshal hypothesizes that he's trying to amp up the dread, but they can't figure out how he's going to get the virus to Mars.  Meanwhile, White Light sees a news article about someone kidnapping a prominent physicist and throws her coffee cup at Cross' head to get her attention.  (It's pretty hilarious.)  She then points to a hypergate.

At a laboratory in a facility "elsewhere," the kidnapped physicist, Dr. Kanbe, tells Jenner that they need to activate the fusion generator in the basement to open a hypergate.  It becomes clear that they're going to send the infected Venusians through this hypergate to Mars as we see Molly herding them to the facility.  But Kanbe warns Jenner the generator will eventually collapse and informs him they'll need to open the gate once a device she hands them lights green.  Kanbe then tells Jenner that she doesn't know what Jenner is planning but demands that he keep her family safe as part of their deal.  (Really?  You don't know what he's planning to do with a hypergate, even though you know his reputation?)  Jenner pledges that they'll live out their days on a luxury space vessel (he lies, obviously) and then shoots her.

On Mars, the crowds break down the gates outside the residence, and Zane has the guards open fire.  On the team's ship, White Light identifies the facility on Mars with a strong enough power source to keep open a hypergate, and Cross calls Burga to tell her the plan.  Burga notes that hypergates are "space phenomena" that they use where they find them, and Cross informs her of Kanbe's research.  Burga promises to try to organize a strike but informs Cross of the coup and that Zane has seized the military.  Burga says it'll take an hour, and Cross says they don't have that long.  Looking at Jared's dead body (he got caught in some crossfire), Burga tells Cross it's all on her now.

As she prepares to head to the facility, Cross finds in her backpack a blood-covered piece of fabric.  It took me some re-reading to realize that it's the tie Nathan removed in issue #2 after he shot the pig.  She then has a flashback where her old boss, Fitch, tells her that their job isn't to punish the Sword of God but "save the ones that are left."

On Venus' surface, the Gambit-like figure, named Reyk, arrives and hands Cross a box, telling her that it's on the house.  She apologizes for Garren, and Reyk says that at least he's in charge now.  Telling her "greatness is for suckers," he leaves.  The Marshal  wonders why Jenner is keeping Ian alive, and Cross says that Jenner, for all his conviction, needs someone to understand him.  As such, he's going to have Ian pull the trigger, which we see on the last panel.

You guys, we are not getting a happy ending.

Eight-Month-Old Comics!: The March 13 Top-Shelf Edition - Part Two (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

ThunderCats #2:  If I didn't have an almost 600-issue backlog, I'd consider hanging in here.  As ridiculous as it is to say about anthropomorphic cats from another planet, though, Shavley's ThunderCats aren't all that believable.  For example, they occasionally speak as if they're characters in Shakespearean fanfic yet other times speak "normally."  It's emblematic of what seems like Shavley's uncertainty about the story he's telling.

In this issue, Shavley takes a page from the 2011 cartoon series and introduces Calica as his version of Pumyra.  Panthro is rightfully suspicious when they stumble upon her and asks questions that could fairly easily verify whether she's truly a Thunderian.  But Lion-O's hormones get in the way; after confronting Panthro, he whisks Calico to a separate room to tell her about Thundera's fate.  Calica is somehow Mumm-Ra's thrall, which Panthro would've likely discovered if not for Lion-O's plot-convenient horniness.

In other words, I'm going to get while the getting is good.  It makes me sad, because I really enjoyed the idea of this series but I don't have time to hang in there.

Transformers #6:  To quote Kathy Griffin, holy fuck balls, you guys.

Johnson hurls us right into the action as the Autobots retreat from Devastator as he blocks their access to the Ark.  Contemplating the terror that is Devastator, Sparky remembers Jimmy telling him, shortly before his shuttle launched into space, that nothing bad was going to happen to him.  

As the Autobots retreat, Cliffjumper arrives with Carly, who thankfully convinces him not to drive directly at Devastator since they're the small ones and instead redirects him to a separate access point in the back of the Ark.  As Starscream revels (throwing devil horns, no less) in Devastator scaring the Autobots, Optimus lands a kick in Starscream's face and clears the way for the Autobots to enter the Ark.  A furious Thundercracker opens fire at them, screaming at them that they'll pay for what they did to Skywarp (heh).  

Optimus shields Sparky from the gunfire, and then Optimus, Sparky, Arcee, Jazz, and a crawling Ratchet enter the Ark.  However, Devastator manages to grab Optimus' leg and yanks him from the Ark.  As Devastator pummels Optimus, Arcee and Jazz open fire on him.  Arcee manages to get hold of Optimus and drag him into the Ark as Jazz continues to fire.  Devastator grabs Ratchet's good leg, and Ratchet has Jazz close the door on it, shutting out Devastator (and his leg).

It's intense, y'all.

Before Devastator destroys the Ark in his pursuit of the Autobots, Soundwave tells him to dig his way into the Ark from the mountain's backside.  Meanwhile, Cliffjumper and Carly enter the Ark only to come face to face with Starscream.  

In a scene familiar to anyone who had their heart broken watching "Transformers:  The Movie" in 1986, Optimus tells the Autobots that he's dying, something Ratchet confirms.  A morose Optimus laments that he thought they still had hope and acknowledges that Jetfire was right.  A devastated Arcee begs him not to die, and Optimus removes the Matrix, which he drops onto the floor.

In a totally unexpected development, Sparky wonders aloud, "If there only was a way..." as he looks at the Matrix.  When Ratchet questions what he's doing, Sparky says that every time something bad happened — to his men, to Jimmy, to Spike — he thought to himself, "If only I could have taken their place."  As he hears Devastator knocking through the Ark's walls, Sparky tells Optimus that he knows Optimus is going to care for the world like he cares for his boys.  Asking Optimus to watch over Spike for him, Sparky begins to enter the Matrix.  Before he disappears, he asks the Autobots to tell Spike how proud he is of him.  Sparky then fully disappears into the Matrix, and Optimus is healed.

Pledging to protect Spike and Earth, Optimus is ready to take on Devastator, who's made his way into the Ark.  He tears off Devastator's finger, opens fire with his gun and Megatron's cannon, and then kicks him in the face.

Elsewhere, Cliffjumper gets the jump (heh) on Starscream and wonders aloud what it'll be like to get the revenge he's dreamt about getting.  In the end, though, as he stands over Starscream, he can't pull the trigger, telling Carly that he's tired of all of it.  It's a devastating moment, seeing a warrior surrender to his grief, just as Optimus did moments earlier.  Johnson really uses these moments — and Thundercracker's grief over Skywarp — to convey just how weary the Transformers all are.  But Starscream is nothing but wily and grabs Carly to facilitate his escape.

Meanwhile, Optimus uses his alternate mode to lead Devastator from the Ark and then transforms to continue kicking his ass.  In a fantastic moment, he uses a charging Devastator's momentum against him and hurls him over his head, where —in possibly the best splash page I've ever seen — he crashes into Starscream.  Cliffjumper manages to grab Carly, who's furious at him for not ending it all by killing Starscream, and the Constructions grab Starscream and flee.

In yet another unforgettable moment, Optimus stops Soundwave and tells him that he just wants them to try to save their home.  Soundwave considers Ravage, whose body he's cradling, and then hurls a punch at Optimus, who tells him that he wants peace but is no fool.  Soundwave watches Optimus wordlessly as Thudercracker carries them into the distance.

As if all that isn't enough, we end with Spike awakening and asking where his dad is.

In other words, it's just a spectacular issue from start to finish.  I've loved the Transformers for a long time, and it's really wonderful to see them treated so well.

The Weatherman, Vol. 3 #3:  LeHeup should've titled this issue:  "This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things."

The issue begins in the city of Tharsis on Mars, not exactly where I expected us to be given how we ended last issue.  The Marshal is looking for someone named "the Dream Master."  He shakes down someone to get the Dream Master's location and then finds a strung-out Cross lying between some garbage bags in a back alley.

Later, Cross awakens with a start in a bed in a cabin.  After her initial confusion, she wears a look of shame when she sees the Marshal's boots on a railing outside her window.  She wraps herself in a blanket and heads to look at the inlet the cabin overlooks.  She asks the Marshal how he found her, and he responds, "Redhead nemo junkie gettin' into bar fights so she can lose 'em?  Easiest job I ever had."  She asks where they are, and he tells her that he lived here once with a woman and her son after the service.  He tells her that the woman had a calm way about her and taught him how to see the world in color before, of course, the virus took her and now all he sees is red.

Cross asks the Marshal if Jenner is right, and the Marshal acknowledges that it feels that way sometimes, "bunch'a doomed idiots that can't stop hurtin' cuz they can't stop hurtin.'"  He asks if she really wants to know whether people deserve to die or she does, specifically.  She admits that she can't stop thinking about Nathan and corrects herself to say Ian.  Since she couldn't bring back her son, she broke him, and she admits now she'd do anything to save him.  She then asks why he thinks Nathan stayed alive after Earth, and the Marshal says that he doesn't really now, just that maybe Ian thought he'd gotten a raw deal.  But he notes that this Ian has no hope, which makes him a dangerous man.  But, to the Marshal's mind, if she can find her fight again, she might help Ian find his.

Elsewhere, Burga is discussing the election with her advisor, Jared, and notes that Jenner's Giant Cartoon Doomsday Clock is timed to when Mars will announce the results of its presidential race.  She laments that Councilman Cyrus — a Trumpian figure who "represents the worst of humanity - tribalism, fear-mongering, greed" — is going to win because she hasn't delivered Jenner's head on a platter.  We learn Jenner is after something that is "safely secured inside a top secret Marine base in the heart of the Venusian wasteland."  She comments that, so long as she doesn't get a call that the "something" is no longer "safely secured," they have an election to win.  Then, the phone rings.

At the Venus hypergate, Cross, the Marshal, and White Light are waiting at a traffic jam after some of the hypergate's anchors failed, which means the gate is susceptible to drift.  Their hope is to find Ian's tracker so they can get a read on Jenner's trail.  The Marshal hands Cross some food, and she reacts violently.  The Marshal looks upset, and White Light hilariously writes, "He tried to make something nice!!" on a white board, prompting Cross to tell him that she loves it.  It's an adorable moment in a series with few of them.  Of course, the joy ends instantly when the Marshal asks Cross if she wants seconds and she realizes that a second sample exists (despite Burga telling her that she destroyed it in vol. 2, issue #6).

(Cross makes this realization when she remembers that Djinn told her in issue #1 that Ian wanted to wipe his mind for a "second reason."  Cross (and I) initially thought she meant Sadie (the daughter, not the dog), but, as we see below, Cross realizes that it's because Ian knew where the second bomb was.)

On Venus, Jenner and his team have broken into the facility Burga mentioned.  Ghost is taking on the troops outside while Alice is hacking into the system and Molly, Jenner, and Ian are making their way through the facility.  A dying guard begs Ian to save him and Ian hesitates, only for Jenner to smash his face dramatically, asking Ian who's really innocent.  (When I saw graphically, I mean graphically.  Like, his foot moves in the viscera.)  A guard pumps Jenner's back full of lead, which he somehow expels from his body before killing the guard via electrocution.  Continuing his tirade, Jenner notes that most people are looking for a better world but are "unwilling to sacrifice even the most modest of comforts to achieve it," which I guess means no one is innocent in Jenner's eyes.  

At this point, Alice is using her butterflies to control an engineer to open the vault with the virus.  Jenner notes that Cross lied to Ian — telling him Jenner had the virus sample when he didn't — just to get her revenge.  Jenner says the innocent know they're not innocent once their distractions —their shows, their championships — end.  As he approaches the virus, he says he will end their suffering for real.

As they race to Venus, Cross is screaming at Burga on a call, telling Burga that she told her (Cross) that Burga destroyed the virus and observing that they only have eight hours to save Mars.  LeHeup then connects the dots when he returns to a mystery from last issue, namely why Jenner was so blasé when Ian failed his psych scan.  Cross (correctly) hypothesizes that Ian learned where the second sample was when he stole the first one, but he and Jenner had their "falling out" (i.e., Jenner committed genocide) before Ian told Jenner where it was.  As mentioned above, it's the second reason why Ian wanted to erase his memory.  Since he failed to do so, though, Ian retained that information, which Alice then read.  Burga reinstates Cross, and she, the Marshal, and White Light head to the base.  As Cross says, "[If] we die, we died being awesome."

Hitting the ground, White Light takes on Ghost, who's basically Transor-Z at this point, as Cross heads to the control room and the Marshal to the vault.  White Light transforms their ship again (see vol. 2, issue #5), so we get a fucking awesome Transformers match-up here, which I wasn't expecting.

As Cross enters the base, she sees Ian holding Sadie (the dog) on his shoulders, with Alice noting, "This did not age well.  And you think we're messed up."  (Fair point, honestly, Alice.)  Meanwhile, the Marshal is ready to assassinate Jenner and looks at a locket with photos of, presumably, the woman and her son that he mentioned earlier.  Back in the control room, Alice switches the image that Cross sees to Sadie (the daughter), commenting that Cross has already immersed herself in a horrific reality so she (Alice) didn't need to do anything else.  Alice puts Cross' gun to her (Alice's) head and tells Cross to pull the trigger, but the Marshal observers this development in time as, in reality, Cross has her own gun under her chin (due to Alice's manipulations).  Forgoing taking out Jenner, the Marshal assassinates Alice.  (Cross comments, "Thought you didn't care," and the Marshal responds, "Don't tell White Light.")  Later, Jenner finds the locket that the Marshal left.

Outside, Molly, Jenner, and Ian bolt for their ship as Ghost is handing White Light her ass.  However, White Light lets Ghost attack her ship so she can sneak into Ghost and set off a bomb, destroying him.  Cross shouts at Ian as he and his crew depart, asking him not to do what they're going to do, and Ian stares out her furiously.  Cross, the Marshal, and White Light just watch them go.

It's a fucking ride, y'all.  You know, as I've said before, I'm not sure we're getting a happy ending here.

Seven-Month-Old Comics!: The January 31 Top-Shelf Edition - Part Two (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Pathfinder:  Wake the Dead #5:  Oof.  This series hasn't been a great one.  

We end with the revelation that it was Nyctessa who alerted the party members' organizations to the sleeper agents in their midsts.  However, her plan went awry when Gabsalia died, forcing her to emerge from the shadows to direct events.  Quinn hypothesizes that Nyctessa was also his mysterious employer, though I don't understand why she would've needed her own agent, given Quinn didn't really have any information the other party members didn't.

At any rate, Kuo finds himself sent to the dungeon when his patron, Commander Bheldis, arrives given Bheldis forbade Kuo from implementing his "sleeper agent" plan.  If I'm following correctly, Kuo secretly defied Bheldis in the hopes that the information he gathered from the activated agents would help him usurp Bheldis.  That said, I still don't understand why Nyctessa got involved to stop Kuo's scheme.  Did she really care about Geb that much?  It seems...a stretch.

The team escapes Geb when the annual "Visitation" happens, freezing the city and making it easy for warm-blooded citizens (like the team) to escape.  They all decided to throw in their lot together (except Nyctessa, who stays in Geb), which I don't think Van Lente really sells well, since they never seemed to like one another.

It was interesting visiting this corner of Golarion, but I can't say I particularly enjoyed the characters or plot.  I hope we move onto another team for the next mini-series.

The Space Between #4:  I've liked like series, but Beckho really rushes the ending here.  112 years after the Tumult, we follow two pairs of people working toward opposing outcomes:  one pair is trying to stop resettlement on 'Dice, another one to guarantee it.  

Dr. Sky is treating a boy and realizes she's given him her last aspirin.  (The boy's mother initially doesn't want him to take it because it's been genetically modified, and Sky tells her that it'll be better than anything her kids get on 'Dice.)  She calls the requisition folks, but her communicator is on the fritz so she's forced to go downstairs herself.  She speaks to a man named Koa, who's rude to her after she's curt with him.  She demands a new communicator on top of the aspirin, and he tells her that she'll have to wait until someone dies since the Dodona mined its last metal the previous year.  

An announcement interrupts their fight and encourages everyone to go to a window screen to see the first image of 'Dice.  Koa sees Sky in the park and quips that he's surprised she isn't too busy to pause for the view.  Sky confesses to Koa that she doesn't believe they should leave the Dodona, which seems to be a pretty treasonous thing to confess to a guy who doesn't like you (and whom you don't like either).  It turns out Koa agrees, and he's been looking for an "upper" who supports his pro-Dodona view.  Sky says that humanity has always fixed problems, so they can fix the Dodona.  

I admit this argument makes no sense to me.  You've exhausted all your natural resources but somehow you're going to manage to survive while floating endlessly in space?  Sky's reasoning seems to be that humanity will have to start over on 'Dice, as if the resourcefulness that she previously mentioned wouldn't apply there.

Meanwhile, Auld and his colleague Hope, both navigators, explain to the Council that they only have one shot at landing on 'Dice, as they're going to have to burn all their fuel reserves to slow down enough to make orbital insertion possible.  Auld and Hope are outraged when the Council seems inclined not to land, and they later overhear some people fighting in the hallway over it.  Folks on all sides seem to hate the navigators:  one blames them for not doing their jobs in the first place (though they clearly corrected the problem from issue #3 sufficiently so I'm not sure what this person's point really is) and the other for making landing possible (though that's their job so I don't get that argument either).

In a garden, Auld and Hope discuss how to make people want to leave the Dodona.  Since they can't land as planned, they'll need to enter 'Dice's orbit and then send down life rafts to the surface.  Auld suggests poisoning the algae tanks, but Hope objects since it'll kill the animals, too.  (There's a weird blip in the conversation here, where Auld objects to Hope's use of the term "sugarcat" when referring to his pet — seemingly a hybrid of the escaped cats and flying squirrels, named Mabel — but Hope doesn't actually use this term in their conversation.)  Auld realizes that they can just make it look like they poisoned the tanks; by the time the others realize the truth, the Dodona'll be locked in orbit.

Before going that route, Auld and Hope try to convince people the Dodona is dying, but Koa isn't buying it and, in fact, threatens violence if they try to land on 'Dice.  In the end, the Council calls for a vote where more than half the ship's residents vote not to land.  

Auld tells Hope that he'll have to commit suicide to make it convincing that the O2 is poisoned, and the two implements their plan.  The sirens blare, and Sky follows Koa to the purification node.  They find a dead Hope — who joined Auld in committing suicide, possibly due to the feelings she realized she had for him — and a dying Auld.  Koa confirms the algae is fine and Auld and Hope just changed the data to set off the alarms.  Auld then asks Koa to take care of Mabel, which he does, which is weird, because he doesn't really seem that guy.  

Koa contemplates Mabel and tells Sky that he's had a change of heart and is ready to leave "home."  Beckho doesn't make clear why Koa suddenly changed his mind; he just states what was obvious all along, that, as Sky said, humanity can overcome any problems it encounters.  The issue ends with Sky addressing the crowd of residents who arrive on 'Dice via the life rafts, with the Dodona now 'Dice's moon.

In the previous issue, Beckho did a great job of moving us through these large philosophical concepts while still focusing on characterization, but, here, the characters are really just vehicles to advance the plot.  I would've liked to see what she could've done with a few more issues, giving her the space to really develop characters.   At it stands, I can't really say I recommend this series, but it was interesting at least.

ThunderCats #1:  I was going to list this one as an "Also Read."  Shavley does a great job of capturing the characters' voices, to the point where it reads like you're watching the '80s cartoon show.  But it results in an issue that isn't that complex.  Of course, then Slithe shatters the Sword of Omens and Mumm-Ra somehow summons Jaga's spirit, and I was like, OK, game on, Declan.

The Weatherman, Vol. 3 #2:  Oof.  As I mentioned last issue, LeHeup's genius here is that you really, really don't know whose side you want Ian to join.  Every time we get insight into this reality's status quo, it's one more point in Jenner's favor.

The issue begins with Ian arriving at Hera's Hope (Frontier Colony 62A) on Venus.  Fox gets the details right here, portraying Venus in a way that makes it clear why this hostile environment produced Jenner (as we learn later in the issue).  Humanity has yet to finish encasing Venus in orbital solar panels, and Hera's Hope exists in a barren desert landscape, like an overcrowded Mos Eisley.

Ian heads straight for a bar, where he finds Metal Molly, a cyborg member of the Sword of God.  She suggests they take a ride in Ghost, "a digital consciousness [who] projects a holographic memory of his physical self over a set of free-floatin' tactical drones."  An hour later, Ian and Molly arrive at a camp where she introduces a guy "named Wilma with an ex-wife, two loving sons, and a job in molecular advertising."  Wilmo is chained to a chair, and Molly wants Ian to kill him to show he's the same "stone-cold-killer" he was.

In a flashback to a week ago, a scientists walks Nathan through shooting a hog as Zane tells him that humanity is counting on him to infiltrate the Sword.  They tell Nathan that he has to shoot the hog since he'll likely have to shoot a human to prove his bona fides to the Sword.  Nathan does it, to Zane's delight.  On Venus, we see that Ian has killed the guy, blood splattered on his face.

On Burga's transport ship, Dr. Argus informs Cross that Nathan has "dissociative fugue."  Ian didn't need to have Dr. Nyseth wipe his mind because his trauma was so great and his need to escape himself so profound that he created Nathan on his own.  Argus hypothesizes that the training they've given Nathan likely made the Ian personality - previously deeply buried in Nathan's psyche - reemerge.  He believes "Nathan" is likely now Ian and Nathan combined.

Zane informs Cross that the tracker they implanted into Nathan's arm allows them to see all his movements and everything he sees.  Once Nathan sees Jenner, they'll order an orbital missile strike.  Someone notes that Nathan'll likely have a to pass a second loyalty test, namely "Alice's" psychic screening.  Zane hypothesizes that he'll be more likely to pass the test if Ian has reemerged, since he'll also keep the virtual memories they implanted to help him pass the test.  (In vol. 2, issue #6, LeHeup explains that they're using the Pearl's fantasy-murder tech to create a past for Ian.)  Argus worries that a reemerged Ian might not share their cause.

In another flashback, Cross asks Nathan if he's sure he wants to do what they're proposing.  She warns him that it's unlikely that he's going to succeed.  Nathan comments that Jenner'll just finish what he started if Nathan doesn't try.  Plus, he feels like he owes humanity one.  Then, in the best possible distillation of Nathan's personal philosophy, he says:  "Without people we wouldn't have ice cream, karate chops, doin' it, power chords, funky grandmas, 'the Worm'...if going away means more people get to experience that same joy I have...then I'm okay with that."  Cross asks if he's scared, and he says that he is.  But he says that he's getting "used to the fact that everyone else is supposed to be here...and I'm not."  You're a gem, Nathan Bright.

Zane wakes up Cross when Ghost arrives with Ian and Molly at Sword's base, where Ian meet Alice, who is totally bat shit crazy.  Alice confirms that Ian was living as a weatherman on Mars before the M.S.A. sent him undercover, which she acknowledges she almost missed because Mars' memory masks are getting harder to spot.  Alice exposits that Ian remembered everything about his past once he shot "the normie."  At this point, the camera turns, and we learn that Alice is talking to Jenner.  Dun-dun-DUN!  It's like a jump scare.

On her ship, Burga orders the strike, but Cross tries to convince her that she can't.  Zane says Nathan knew what he was doing, but Cross — not incorrectly — notes that Ian didn't.  Zane isn't particularly sympathetic towards Ian, but Cross reminds her that he wasn't a terrorist —he was trying to destroy the "extinction-level weapon" that humanity itself created.  Burga interrupts and says that they have to bring Jenner to justice.  Cross insists that they can't sacrifice Ian for politics, and Burga tells her that she could've found out the information about Ian's past before they sent him undercover but didn't.  She asks why she didn't, and Cross doesn't respond.  Burga again orders the hit, telling Cross that she (Burga) didn't kill Ian — Cross did.  She then relieves Cross of duty.

On Venus, Jenner greats Ian, who immediately threatens to kill him.  Jenner tells Ian that he's counting on him doing so but only after the conclusion of the mission.  Jenner then asks Ian if he hears the "wail of the Venusian wind."  He explains that he grew up listening to it, as he and his mother were poor, surviving on trade and what they could grow in the freezing temperatures.  He describes the unbearable isolation and unceasing wind, which eventually drove his mother insane — she walked into the desert one night to die. 

Jenner then gives us his political manifesto, and he's...not wrong.  He opines that humanity's survival depends on a healthy environment, but humanity destroys it anyway.  As people, we want to be heard but don't listen, we push our pain onto people we don't understand, we would destroy our world before we would see our foes' prosper.  He describes these flaws as "terminal deficiencies."  Ian tells Jenner that he (Jenner) killed his daughter, and Jenner wonders how may daughters Ian has killed.  (Fair point.)  Ian asks what Jenner wants, and he tells Ian that this time he wants Ian to help him save humanity from itself.

On Burga's ship, Cross commanders a smaller ship and makes a run for Venus as the Marshal watches from his ship.  On Venus, Ian uses a rusty mattress spring to pick his cell lock and break free.  He enters Jenner's hut, where Jenner is meditating.  Ian raises a knife and...jams it into his forearm.  

The missile strike destroys the camp, and the M.S.A.'s soldiers later find Ian's tracking device in the rubble, confirming that Ian joined Jenner.

In other words, it's a spectacular issue.  I can't recommend this series enough.  It was totally worth the wait between volumes. 

Seven-Month-Old Comics!: The January 17 Top-Shelf Edition - Part Two (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Star Wars:  Bounty Hunters#42:  The best part of this issue is Sacks weaving events from other series into the story.  For example, Jabba initially intended to use Ajax Sigma's neural core ("Star Wars:  Han Solo and Chewbacca") to power the megadroid ("Star Wars:  Yoda") but instead used Gertee's ("Star Wars:  Dark Droids").  But the rest of the story is also solid, a fitting end to this series.  

Upon arriving at Jabba's Palace, Valance takes out Dengar (and other bounty hunters) before Boba Fett knocks him unconscious, setting up a battle in Jabba's arena with the megadroid.  Of course, Valance didn't come alone; our two favorite couples — Losha and T'onga and For-Elloem and Zuckuss — arrive to help.

In a nice turn of events, Boba Fett was actually helping Valance engineer the battle so that Boba Fett (and not the megadroid) would be Jabba's favorite.  After Losha shoots open the megadroid's chest, Valance successfully destroys Gertee's neural core (which made me sad).  He then radios Chewbacca, telling him that he's on deck to rescue Han now that the megadroid is off the board.  Touchingly, he tells Chewie that Han means a lot to him, prompting Leia to comment, "That scoundrel means a lot to all of us."

The band disbands before Jabba can send more guards, and T'onga and Losha return home.  Losha is stunned to find them where they started, but T'onga explains her vision of turning their farm into a destination hub for bounty hunters.  As she says,  whichever side — the Alliance or the Empire — wins the war, they're going to bring order to the chaos, which'll make it harder for bounty hunters.  She proposes a place where they can form a community.

As she describes her vision, we're treated to a view into what some of our favorite bounty hunters from this series are doing:  Bossk wonders if he made a mistake joining Khel's crew, Dengar is still an idiot, For-Elloem and Zuckuss remain an excellent team, Tasu exults in fighting with his people, and, surprising no one, Vulkorah has a herd of tooka cats.  Also, Yura and Kondra survived the attack on the Rebel base.

Returning to T'onga, her vision would give her the community she's always wanted and the happy ending she deserves, something that I almost can't believe she'd get.  Losha can't believe it either, wondering how they're going to afford it.  Losha then reveals her ace in the hole:  Cadeliah, who's going to bank roll it.  I almost physically applauded this development, it's so perfect.

In other words, Sacks surprised me throughout this issue by wrapping up the stories of characters  that I loved and ones that I had forgotten in ways that were perfect for them.  But he's at his best when he gives us Valance's ending, as he rescues Haydenn from the Imps who've found her.  Valance is sexy AF here, which is great to see, as he struggled with his appearance and its connection to his humanity for so long.  Haydenn happily takes his hand as they ride off into the starlight.

In the end, Sacks uses this issue to remind me how much I loved this series when it met its potential.  I assume ending it was a sales-based decision, and you have to wonder if Disney and Marvel missed the chance to move beyond Valance and Losha and approach the series as an anthology, focusing on some of the great characters we saw here.  At any rate, I'm glad we got them for the time we had, and I hope Sacks is right that it's only good-bye for now.

The Weatherman, Vol. 3 #1:  This issue is honestly the best comic book I've read.  I'm going to list it as an "Issue of the Year Candidate," but I don't see any other issue topping it in the next 12 months.

2752

We begin in 2752 as Ian returns home from active duty to visit his father and stepmother.  His father is a douchebag former football player who put the medals Ian sent him in his closet since he claims he didn't have room for them in his enormous trophy room.  He asks Ian if he's bagged any "off-world fillies" and tells him that he didn't read the letters Ian sent home since he's "not much of a reader."  Ian's father takes him to said trophy room and shows him a Trumpesque portrait he commissioned, depicting him with the ball atop two lines of football players colliding into each other.  When Ian sees the title is "War," he leaves without another word.

Ian heads to the Little Umbrella, a bar where he's supposed to meet someone.  Instead, he's given an enormous surprise party.  When his high-school girlfriend, Ember, puts her hand on his shoulder, he startles and strangles her.  It's clear that Ian was exactly like Nathan back in the day as his "friends" play holos of his greatest hits, like streaking graduation and break-dancing as the prom king.  (I'm not sure why break-dancing got him ejected from prom...)  His friends are douchebags like his father, asking if he's got PTSD or if he's killed anybody.  A rattled Ian bolts from the bar, but Ember follows him and asks him to stay.

This sequence is pretty crushing, honestly.  If LeHeup isn't a veteran, he's certainly done his research, because he nails the disorienting nature of trying to reenter a group of friends that stayed the same when you've become someone else.  Interestingly, Ian is obviously from an affluent background, but we don't get the answer to a question someone shouts at him here, namely why he joined the military in the first place.

Mars 2755

On Mars, Jenner introduces Ian to Advanced Warfare Recruiter Trong, who laments that Ian's leaving the military to return to Earth.  Ian informs him that he has a family back on Earth, and Trong slips him the ORCA Program précis before telling him that he has to be where he belongs.

New York City 2757

Ian is enjoying an ice cream with his daughter, who tells him that she wants to be a weather scientist when she gets older.  When he asks why, she tells him that you make friends talking about the weather, so the more she knows about the weather the more friends she'll have.  (Yeah, it's sad.)  He asks about a stuffed lightning bolt that she's holding, and she introduces her as "Mrs. Lightning Bolt," who keeps her safe when it storms.  

Ian's daughter then asks if she can come live with him, since they could do fun things every day and be "whole people."  Ian asks why she used that term, and she confesses she got in trouble at school again and overheard her step-father tell her mom that she's broken like Ian.  (Oof.  Ian needs to kill this asshole.)  A stern Ian tells her that she isn't broken and she asks if he is.  

On cue, Ember appears, and Ian complains she's early while Ember complains he's late (meaning with child support).  He promises to send the payment the next day, and Ember tells him that she's heard that before.  Ian tells Ember that he needs to see his daughter more, but Ember doesn't think it's a good idea — we learn that Ian just got his second DUI in three months.  Ember tells him that it's his last visit for a while, and Ian says that it isn't her decision.  Ember says Roger (her husband)  is a good lawyer, and Ian tells her that Roger needs to keep that "cliche veteran bullshit" to himself.  Ember shoots back that Roger puts in the work and she doesn't have to worry that he's going to drive her daughter to school while drunk.  (Fair.)  

Ian tells Ember that his daughter is all he has, and Ember softens, telling him that she'll be in touch to formalize things and to take care of himself.  Ian's daughter returns and hugs him, telling him that she loves him and handing him Mrs. Lightning Bolt, since he needs her more than him.  Three days later, Ian joins the ORCA program.

This entire sequence is devastating.  I totally get Ember's position, and it seems pretty clear she's just trying to keep it together for her daughter.  As such, LeHeup makes this development so impactful, as he doesn't make Ember the bad guy.  It's all just sad.

Now (2770)

In an interrogation room, Cross stops Djinn from recounting this story.  She asks how Djinn came by this information, and Djinn tells her that she was a founding member of the Sword of God and part of Jenner's inner circle.  She was also Ian's and Jenner's lover at various times.  Cross asks if Ian and Jenner had any bad blood over that, and Djinn explains that came later.

In the beginning, they were part of the ORCA team, "warriors without peer," that carried out "stealth incursions, high risk rescue ops, arms deals, assassinations..."  Djinn notes that, in the end, they only had each other to maintain their faith in humanity.

Argentina (2760)

Djinn continues her narration as we move to Argentina, where Ian and Jenner are surrounded by hundreds of bodies.  Djinn notes that Ian retained hope, which we see as he opens his canteen and waters a blood-covered plant.  Meanwhile, Jenner looks at a woman who died shielding her baby, and, if I'm reading between the lines correctly, kills the baby as he decides there is no hope for humanity.  According to Djinn, "The only way to end hate, fear, and greed...to end death...is to end life itself."

Now

Cross is flippant here, asking if she means also ending gophers and cilantro.  Djinn is then super convincing - to the point where I was ready to join the Sword - that humanity truly is life's enemy.  She tells Cross she understands that it hurts too much to think of their species as an engine of destruction.  As such, people dismiss the thought but, when they lose someone they love and can't accept our innate destructiveness, they turn to revenge to make sense of the loss.  Djinn says this need for revenge triggers the same cycle of denial and projection that result in destruction.

Venus (2762)

After ORCA is defunded, Ian and Jenner meet again as guns-for-hire, where Jenner recruits Ian to join the Sword of God.  Seemingly knowing Ian is an idealist, Jenner tells him that their goal is to destroy all WMD - starting with extinction grade munitions - to end war.  Ian makes one condition:  they destroy whatever they find.

Now

Djinn informs Cross that Ian recovered the sample and gave it to Jenner.  He tries to kill Jenner when he learns he used it on Earth, but, when Jenner's men prevent him from doing so, Ian breaks free to get to the bomb on time.  Cross asks why Djinn is telling her everything, and Djinn responds that she's denying her the ability to torture her to avoid her own pain — it hurts Cross more to know the truth.  Djinn also mentions a second reason and Cross suddenly realizes that she doesn't know what happened to the girl.

New York City (April 14, 2763)

Ian's daughter is in the park with Ember and Roger when she sees a flash of light.  Ian is in a space ship heading for the site when the blast detonates.  He runs through the crowd fleeing the blast and, on the last page, we see him scream, "Sadie!", the name, if you recall, of the dog he lost in the first issue.

As I said, it's brutal.  LeHeup does a spectacular job of making no one the bad guy.  Instead, they're all people having pretty reasonable responses to the horrible things that they've done and seen.  Not only do I not know where we go from here, but I also don't know who I hope wins.  That, ladies and gentlemen, is the hallmark of a good comic.