Not-Very Deep Thoughts: The March 1 Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

The Clone Conspiracy Omega #1:  First, unless you're really, really invested in Rita Clarkson, the doctor who helped Ben at New U, you can skip this issue entirely.  In the aftermath of last issue, Ben tips off some angry family members to Rita's location so he can be on hand to save her life when they attack her.  In return, Rita goes all damsel-in-distress and hands Ben her IRA since he doesn't have any cash.  (Rita doesn't believe him when he admits he arranged for the guys to attack her.  Apparently doctors can be idiots.)  Shouldn't she be in jail?  Everyone is pretty clear as they're cleaning up the scene of the crime that she's in trouble.  Shouldn't they prevent her from going to her "favorite watering hole?"  At the very least, wouldn't you want to be able to prevent her from withdrawing her life savings, given she's likely a flight risk?  I guess not.  Beyond Rita's story, Slott uses the same shtick he did in the "Amazing Spider-Man" tie-in issues, filling in moments between the scenes in the main series.  The problem is these scenes still make no sense.  Peter is irate with Kaine for not telling him sooner that everyone was going to become Carrion zombies...even though I'm fairly certain he did tell him.  (Is he mad Kaine didn't tell him the clones would dissolve?  Isn't that what clones do?)  Moreover, Ben still suffers from a lack of consistent characterization, even under Peter David.  As you can see in his manipulation of Rita, he's still in full Bond-villain mode here, and I struggle to see why any of us would want to read his new title.  He isn't a nuanced villain, like Dr. Doom or Magneto.  He's as crazy as the original Jackal, and I can only tolerate him every fifty issues or so.  [Sigh.]  Meanwhile, the Rhino has all the sads, the Lizard's family turns into lizards like him, Jerry's wife is suing Peter, the Kingpin gives Peter Norman Osborn's whereabouts, yadda yadda yadda.  Who the fuck cares at this point?

Avengers #5:  I still have no idea what Waid is doing here, but it's fun to look at del Mundo's art so I guess I'll have to live with that.  People seem to love what Waid is doing.  I admit it's super-cool to see the present Avengers interact with the former teams, chosen for how they can help implement Sam's plan to take down Kang.  But, the story still makes no sense to me.  At one point, future Vision claims Sam inspired the Avengers' rallying cry when he said it in front of the original members.  If that's true, why wouldn't they themselves remember that?  Present Wasp never said to Sam, "Hey, did I ever tell you you're the guy who coined 'Avengers Assemble?'  By the way, you become Captain America at some point."  I could also talk about how it makes no sense Kang's minions can "mine" time or how it's unclear how the Avengers identified which links in Kang's billion-year long supply chain were the most essential.  But, I guess I'm just supposed to go with it.  It's like Xena said in that episode of "The Simpsons:"  if something happens that doesn't make sense, a wizard did it!  (Only, this time, the wizard is a synthezoid named Vision, at least in the latter case.)

Hawkeye #4:  OMG, Jessica Jones!  Mentor in awesomeness and private-eyeing!  Twist I did not see coming!  First things first:  frat-boy Greg was the looming figure at the end of last issue.  As suspected, he's been using the TBC stickers to prime hate, allowing him to absorb it and become, in Kate's words, a third-rate Hulk.  In possibly the best denouement of the year, Kate is able to lure him to an outdoor sing-along "Sound of Music" performance, and the positivity that comes with that causes him to de-Hulk.  (Seriously, that's just effing brilliant.  I've never seen that in comics before.  I love the idea of Thompson sitting around thinking, "OK, what's the most positive thing I can imagine?  Positive, positive, positive...")  You'd almost think everything worked out well, as Kate ends the issue happy and with her new crew in place.  Rivera even agrees she's getting a nickname!  But, then we go dark.  Greg asks to see Kate, and he mentions he should've recognized "the resemblance."  Kate believes this comment connects him to her father, and we learn she's in Los Angeles (and stalking surfer Brad) to find her father.  But, Greg blows up before he can say anything else.  (Suspicious.)  Thankfully, when Kate arrives at her apartment, Jessica is there with Brad.  Dun-dun-DUN!

Midnighter and Apollo #6:  I often struggle with violence in comic books.  Modern authors are aware of the challenge this violence presents in a way that, say, Stan Lee wasn't.  But, at some point probably every month, I have a moment where I think, "Why am I reading stories about super-powered beings beating on each other?"  But, Midnighter bottom lines it here rather nicely (and in his boxer-briefs to boot).  He tells Apollo he's going to keep on killing bad guys so people don't have to live without someone they love.  He can't imagine anything worse, after coming close to it in this adventure.  Honestly?  That's a pretty solid reason.  Moreover, we learn Apollo chose his name not because he thought of himself as a sun god, but because Apollo turned his lover Hyacinth into something better when he thought he was going to lose him.  Midnighter doesn't ask for redemption, and Apollo doesn't ask permission to give it to him.  They are who they are, and thank God they are the type of people to play sexy, half-naked chess in their apartment.  In other words?  I fucking love these two.  

Moon Knight #12:  This issue couldn't be more exciting.  Lemire and Smallwood's pacing is really spectacular.  First, we have Marc unexpectedly being joined by his alter egos in the Overvoid, who help him rescue Anput and escape with Crawley.  This entire sequence is amazing, from the smugly bemused look on handsome Steve's face to spaceman Marc facilitating their escape with his spaceship.  (Spaceship!)  It's like a great pulp film come to life.  But, it's Marc's adventures in Saudi Arabia as a mercenary that really leap off the page for their realism.  Lemire is giving us a ring-side seat to Marc's descent into darkness.  Frenchie advises him not to meet the crime lord giving them jobs, but Marc chases the money, wanting more.  When we meet the Bushman, it's clear why Frenchie was nervous.  I've always known Marc was a mercenary when he became Moon Knight, but it was always sort of a throw-away piece of information, like how Peter Parker won a science fair as a kid or something.  It was just part of the background.  But, Lemire is walking us through this period, and it's amazing to watch.  It's really a chance to get to know this character, and I feel like, in the end, I'll be able to call myself a legitimate Moon Knight fan.  That's exciting stuff right there.

Nightwing #16:  The good news is we don't get confirmation Shawn is dead here.  The bad news is the guy who seems to have kidnapped her calls himself Deathwing so her survival isn't looking so good.  The issue starts with Dick taking down a hilariously ridiculous group of criminals called the Horsemen of the Apocalypse.  Lest you think they're all cool like the X-Men's version, they're a bunch of small-time hoods wearing horse-head masks.  (Seriously.)  Dick makes short work of them.  Then, Damian appears suddenly; he's traveled from San Francisco because he's bothered by people on Twitter claiming Dick is the true heir.  He tries to challenge Dick to some sort of duel, but Shawn calls at that moment to tell Dick she may be pregnant.  Dick doesn't have patience for Damian's antics and tackles him, dismissing him as a hormonal teenager.  He picks up a pregnancy test on his way to Shawn's apartment (I'd love to know how exactly he swung that in his costume) and discovers Shawn is missing.  He's distraught just as Damian arrives, having followed him.  This next part is amazing as Damian apologizes in his way:  he tells Dick he's sorry they fought and urges Dick to apologize for being terse.  Seeley gets Damian, y'all.  At any rate, Dick leaves Damian again, but Damian finds the pregnancy test and realizes Dick is in trouble.  He meets Dick with their old Batmobile, and Dick realizes he needs help:  as Damian said, he's emotional and he's going to get himself killed without Damian.  It's touching in the way it's always touching with these guys:  it's not like they ever hug, but the love is there.  Moreover, Seeley makes it clear why Dick is going to need Damian.  As I mentioned, the perpetrator of the kidnapping is a guy named Deathwing.  We meet him at the scene of the crime Dick stopped at the start of this issue.  He's now  killed the Horsemen and the cops Dick had someone call to arrest them.  This guy is definitely playing for keeps.

Spider-Man 2099 #21:  I'll admit we have a lot going on here.  Electro 2099 is after Sonny, probably on behalf of the Fist and probably because Sonny knows something he shouldn't know.  However, he has amnesia, though it's not clear to me the Fist knows that.  Miguel manages to save Sonny and capture Electro.  He plans on interrogating Electro into telling him when the Fist attacks Times Square, and we learn it's this attack that destroys New York and allows Nueva York to be built.  However, I'm still a little confused by this revelation.  First, if Miguel knows the Fist attack creates Nueva York, then it can't be the event that altered his future; it's the event that essentially created his future.  After all, the reason he's stuck in the present is because his 2099 was eliminated.  Maybe this attack creates Roberta's 2099 not Miguel's 2099?  If so, it makes sense she knows the Fist attack that created Nueva York in her 2099.  But, again, if Miguel knows about it, it doesn't seem to be relevant to his goal of re-engineering his 2099.  In fact, he has to let it happen.  If it is the event to create the alternate future (possibly Roberta's), then we still don't know how Miguel created the Fist in the past.  Since they already exist, it implies this action-forcing event has already taken place, but it's unclear what it is.  As I said, it's a lot.

Star Wars #29:  This story has been on a slow burn, but Aaron throws some kerosene on the fire in this issue.  The concept of "stonepower" as the syncretic version of the Force has been intriguing, mostly because its practitioners could obviously learn a thing or two from Yoda.  They do so here, but it's not the lesson Yoda wanted them to learn.  After he discovers the stone the Rockhawkers prize is part of a living mountain, he re-awakens the mountain.  We learn he's the last remaining giant who used to live on this world, before the power-hungry humans reduced them to rubble.  Yoda and Garro leave the mountain as its lava (i.e., blood) starts flowing, and Garro reveals its secret to his fellow Rockhawkers as a way of getting in good with them again.  A disappointed Yoda returns to the Muckwhackers to prepare them for war, correctly predicting the Rockhawkers will send the revived mountain after the Muckwhackers .  But, Aaron kicks up the story a notch when Luke arrives on the planet in the present to learn the fate of the mountain.  (No, he didn't finish the story first.  Is that a convenient device?  Yes, yes, it is.  But, is Luke also enough of an impatient idiot to make it believable?  Yes, yes,  he is.)  An older Garro -- the man we likely saw last issue talking to Ben on Tatooine -- greets him, telling Luke he's the last of the Rockhawkers and he's going to help him end the war.  Given the body of the giant is buried in the sand next to where they're standing, I'm intrigued to see exactly how Luke is going to do that.

Also Read:  Batman #18; Champions #6

Not-Very-Deep Thoughts: The January 4 Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Avengers #3:  I could try to explain what I think happened here, but I won't, because I honestly have no idea.  Somehow the Wasp returning the baby to the future undoes the time paradox Vision created when he kidnapped the baby in the first place, and everyone goes home happy..., well, everyone except for Kang.  Apparently the Priests of Pama feed on time paradoxes, so they consume Kang and the Scarlet Centurion.  However, the Avengers are apparently going to go to war with Kang next issue, implementing a plan Sam has.  Yeah, I don't get it either.

Batman #14:  King confirms what we've known all along, that Catwoman didn't kill 237 people.  However, for some reason, she's committed to going to prison for life for the crime, after Amanda Waller abides by her agreement with Bruce and has her sentence commuted.  My guess is Selena is covering for the orphan who did kill these people, but we'll get there at some point.  In the meantime, King delivers a beautifully terse issue that lets Gerards' amazing artwork do the talking.  We're treated to a two-page splash of the starry Gotham night that foreshadows the diamonds Selena later gives to Bruce to fund an orphanage.  But, the scene is beautiful in its own right and really sets the stage for the two of them eventually making love on the rooftop.  (It's a rare acknowledgement that Selena knows Bruce's identity, something thrown into question at the start of the DCnU if I remember correctly.)  It's just a perfectly paced story from start to finish, conveying the melancholy and regret both characters feel.  Rarely does the art and script work together as beautifully as they do here.

Black Widow #1-#6 (TPB):  I first considered getting this series when I heard Bucky would be appearing at some point.  Bucky's relationship with Nat was one of the best parts of his time as Captain America, and I was devastated (really, I still am) when they erased her memory of him.  I was actually so mad at comics that I stopped really enjoying them for a few weeks.  But, Comixology was having a sale on TPBs, and I got this one.  I'm still trying to pare down my pull list, not expand it, but, after reading this arc, someone else is going to be on the chopping block.  At some point in the letters page, the editor acknowledges that one of the questions running through Waid and Samnee's run is whether Nat's really knowable.  I feel like I came the closest to doing so during those "Captain America" issues where she's in a relationship with Bucky, but maybe it wasn't the real her.  Maybe she was too happy. Waid and Samnee explore that idea here, and it's amazing.  To be honest, my appreciation of Nat outside "Captain America" larges comes from Scarlet Johansson's portrayal of her in the MCU, and Waid and Samnee preserve that dry sense of humor here.  I particularly loved the sequence where she mumbles to herself about Tony mocking her skills...after she took him by surprise and knocked him unconscious to access his vault.  Doubting her, indeed.  Moreover, Waid and Samnee have given Nat two formidable pairs of enemies in just these six issues:  the Weeping Lion brothers as well as the Recluse and her mother, Nat's former Headmistress at the Red Room.  The mind boggles where we're going to go from here.

Midnighter and Apollo #4:  Orlando leaves us with a mystery here, as Apollo seemed to have stumped Neron with a question about why he calls himself Apollo.  But, Neron later appears to have imprisoned Apollo, implying Neron guessed correctly (despite him obviously having guessed incorrectly that Apollo named himself after the Roman god).  But, the most interesting thing to me is the revelation that Apollo was human at some point.  I always thought he was an alien, but we learned here that he was abducted by aliens trying to make their own Superman after he told his parents he was gay.  Long-time readers might have known that, but I didn't.  Orlando uses this revelation to maximum effect, as Apollo basically laughs off Neron's attempt to break him, stating people have tried that many times before.  It's a reminder just how bad-ass Midnighter and Apollo are separately and together.

Nova (2017) #2:  "Your fans are...intense."  We are, Kamala.  We totally are!  I knew I trusted these authors when they evoked an argument Rich made during the original "Civil War," when he berated Iron Man for fighting the Civil War while he was busy fighting the Annihilation Wave.  They get it.  I'll also admit I totally cried fanboy tears when the bar on Knowhere toasted Rich, a sign that Earth might not remember his heroism but space does.  Originally, I wanted this series just to be about Rich, but I can't deny Sam adds something.  First, Rich and Sam's banter is great.  I loved when Rich started getting upset when Sam questioned him about his origins, and Sam responded by observing his father was a clone who tried to kill him.  Rich's response?  "Fair."  Perfect.  But, Sam's youth reminds us that Rich has now entered senior hero status and not just because Sam tries to defend himself by citing his ability to grow...."hair."  The authors draw a line under the point when Rich meets the Champions and asks if every superhero is a twelve-year-old.  If he is Rich and he's going to stay, he has to operate in the new Marvel Universe.  He's no longer a New Warrior, but an honest-to-fucking-God hero, as the toasting denizens of the bar remind us.

Spider-Man 2099 #19:  Well, Peter David really stepped it up a notch, didn't he?  I mean, sure, I didn't really buy that "Mother" (or whatever her name was) forgot about Elektra, allowing Elektra to kill her while she was delivering a monologue to Miguel and Roberta about why America has to fall.  But, it doesn't matter...because Tyler Stone is back in action!  He's clearly going to turn Tempest into some sort of terrible monster, maybe like the one she became when Miguel cured her cancer.  Whatever it is, it seems unlikely Miguel is going to be happy with the result.  (For the continuity folks out there like me, Tyler specifically refers to the fact that he was also previously paralyzed, adding to the information we have about where we are in Miguel's original timeline.)

U.S.Avengers #1:  Reading Bobby's speech about how the American flag is his flag and their flag regardless of how the people afraid of them feel about it the weekend of Donald Trump banning Muslims from entering the United States makes me think Al Ewing can predict the future.  I was going to cancel this series in favor of "Hawkeye" but decided to give it a whirl because I love Sam.  Well, after reading it, I'm all on board with Bobby and his desire to reclaim the flag for the rest of us.

Also Read:  Captain America:  Sam Wilson #17; Champions #4; Hawkeye #2; Moon Knight #10; Nightwing #12; Unworthy Thor #2

Not-Very-Deep Thoughts: The October 5 Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Amazing Spider-Man #19:  Honestly?  I flipped through this issue until I got to the end.  Slott has made it clear since Jay fell ill that he was going to die, sacrificed to amp up Peter's personal investment in the story.  It makes sense, since the Jackal always strikes at the heart of Peter's personal life.  But, the execution (so to speak) is terrible.  First, as a reminder, Jay is only in this situation because of his previously undisclosed genetic condition.  Based on his Spider-Sense, Peter insists that Jay should receive the conventional treatment available for the condition, rather than going with New U's experimental technology.  But, it raises the obvious question of why Jay didn't get the conventional treatment years ago.  Why is he only getting it now that he may die?  (The answer is that Slott needed a hook, but in theory we're supposed to be shooting higher.)  Moreover, Peter is in a difficult position because he can't simply tell Jay and May his Spider-Sense is the "data" telling him the technology isn't reliable.  But, it also stretches belief that Peter would risk Jay's life over his hunch.  We know why the deal is bad, but Peter has no reason beyond his Spider-Sense to know that.  In normal circumstances, I get going with his gut, but we're actually talking about life and death here.  What's worse than death?  In fact, knowing what the deal actually is, I'd say better should've taken it, since it would've at least bought him time.  To make matters worse, Peter recants at the very last minute, urging Jay to get the experimental treatment.  We have all that angst only for him to decide to just go with it at the end.  In other words, I continue to wait for the day when we're free from Dan Slott.

Death of X #1:  First, I have to comment on the "death" of Madrox here.  Peter David's "X-Factor" always seemed to exist more or less outside the other X-books' continuity.  They rarely got involved in the drama occurring elsewhere.  It was one of the reasons why the book was so special.  Madrox's presence on Muir Island -- where Scott and his team find him dying -- feels almost like Marvel forgot how "X-Factor" ended, with an exhausted Jamie retiring and deciding to settle on his family's farm with Layla.  Adding fuel to the fire, Madrox is not only without Layla here, but he's also in his union suit without his trench coat.  It's almost like Marvel went even further, turning back the clock to 1993, when Jamie was dying of the Legacy Virus in Genosha.  However, Lemire and Soule don't even allude to the fact that Jamie was in a similar situation 20+ years ago, dying of the mutant disease du jour.  This total neglect of Jamie's history makes it hard to accept his "death," because it makes his character unrecognizable.  I understand the need to sacrifice a mutant so the X-Men can learn the Mists are poisonous to mutants.  (Actually, Marvel would just be doing it to make the "event" mean something, but you get my point.)  But, this sequence is so disrespectful of Jamie's character that I basically don't accept it.  I hope we'll see Jamie somewhere else, and it'll all be ret-conned.  Of course, starting an event hoping against hope it immediately gets ret-conned probably isn't exactly what Marvel was hoping would be my reaction to this first issue.  But, there you have it.

Dungeons & Dragons:  Shadows of the Vampire #5:  In the end, we don't really get a satisfying resolution to the mystery at the heart of this miniseries.  Strahd gets his hands on the amulet, and he learn he has some hope the amulet will free him from Ravenloft.  Before we can explore that interesting idea, the ghost of Sergei, Strahd's brother, appears, preventing Strahd from using the amulet.  He wants to ensure Strahd is punished for him crimes by being forced to stay in Ravenloft.  However, Delina is able to use the amulet to transport the team somewhere else, though that somewhere else doesn't exactly look all that safer.  The good news is the lack of resolution isn't really too disappointing.  Zub does a great job showing how awesome Strahd is as he easily dismisses the team, even when they seem to have him cornered.  The fact we never learn what Strahd intended to do with the amulet fits with the idea of Strahd as the unquestioned master of Ravenloft, the only all-knowing one among us.  Not surprisingly, Zub also uses darker tones here than we've seen with Delina's team.  Although no one dies, Strahd tells the team the darkness of Ravenloft will follow them, a threat that doesn't feel hollow as they find themselves battered and alone in a range of snow-covered mountains.

Justice League #6:  After this yet-again-rebooted series' disastrous first arc, I admit Hitch has a ways to go to convince me to hang in there.  Despite some uneven art, this issue is an improvement, though not the home run we needed.  Hitch focuses on the League's interpersonal relationships, but it isn't simply to work on characterization.  The threat in this arc has something to do with fear, and Hitch uses the team members' relationships to provide a vehicle for that fear to spread.  For example, Jessica attacks Barry on their first date, and Superman decides to travel to Gotham to kill Bruce for not trusting him. Presumably, Aquaman and Wonder Woman and Cyborg and Green Lantern will come to blows next issue.  Beyond our lack of understand of why the characters are feeling this fear in the first place, their responses to it all feel formulaic; only Jessica's predicament provoked any real emotional response in me.  But, it's better than the last arc, so I'm willing to give it a whirl for the time being.  In the meantime, I keep wondering if we're ever going to see the Rao arc in "Justice League of America" come to a conclusion.

Midnighter and Apollo #1:  As much as I enjoyed Orlando's "Midnighter" series, my consistent complaint was he didn't do a great job explaining why Midnighter was fighting the people he was fighting.  For example, we never learned why Prometheus chose him as a victim in his war against superheroes.  Here, Orlando also doesn't do a great job of explaining Henry Bendix and his beef with Midnighter.  He appeared several times in the first series, and I don't know if we ever really learned more about him beyond having a hand in creating Midnighter.  He's now decided to take out Midnighter, though we're not told why he chose to act at this moment.  (It's possibly because Midnighter has decided to go after him, though, again, we don't know why Midnight would be doing so now.)  But, just like in the original series, these questions aren't as important to my enjoyment as Midnighter's relationships, and Orlando continues to deliver on this front.  I was always surprised in the last series that people embraced Midnighter's violence so readily, but we see Apollo broach that subject here, wondering if Midnighter has to be as brutal as he is.  I'm excited to get insight into the two of them as a couple, something hopefully not ruined by the fact Bendix has hired some demons to bring Apollo to Hell.

Spider-Man 2099 #16:  The revelation that Jameson and Power Pack were deep-undercover Skrulls engineering the superhero-registration debacle to hide an invasion is so brilliant I don't even know what I can say.  David is essentially using the premise of "Secret Invasion" to send up "Civil War II."  It's almost something you'd see in one of the satirical back-up stories Marvel ran in their Annuals in the 1980s.  Moreover, it leaves behind yet another possible future.  All in all, it's a great conclusion to this arc and an inspired use of an event.  Looking ahead, I wonder what Roberta is going to do with the knowledge that her husband, Harry, experimented on her.  Of course, we still have the First out there, which probably poses a more immediate threat to Miguel.

Also Read:  Batman #8; Bloodshot Reborn #18; Nightwing #6