Over Year-Old Comics: The Superhero December 9, 16, 23, and 30 (2020) Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Amazing Spider-Man #54 (December 9):  Oh, God, make it stop, please, make it stop.  Nick Spencer has entered Tom King territory, and I just can't.  As Peter himself acknowledges, we once again witness a melodramatic fight between an exhausted Peter and a crazy Harry...except this time he's a demon?  I don't know.  Spencer wants me to care, but I don't.  As Peter says, it's exhausting to have Harry always be the guilty party when something bad and crazy happens.  Under pet peeve #3 rules, Spencer doesn't get credit for having a character acknowledge the ridiculousness of his own plot.  [Sigh.]

Guardians of the Galaxy #9 (December 9):  Ewing is clearly re-ret-coning Peter's origin to match his original origin.

That said, I only have a vague idea of what his original origin is.  It clearly involves the Master of the Sun?  It seems like the Star-Lords are a group like the Nova Corps, since the Master of the Sun tells Peter that he'll make him "a" Star-Lord.  But, Peter is convinced this origin is a false memory, though it's unclear why he's having the memory now and why he doesn't believe it.  

At any rate, we learn that Peter used the Element Gun to absorb the Olympians.  He then spends 144 years in a place called Mornius where he enters into a bisexual thruple and seemingly has a child named Rocky.  But, he uses his Element Gun enough over that 144 years that he's released enough of the Olympians' powers for them to reconstitute themselves.  Peter is forced to return to our galaxy just in time for Knull's invasion.

Although the story is easy enough to follow, the meta-story is much more is difficult to follow.  The issue is structured as Peter passes through Morinus' 12 houses, though Ewing never really tells us what they are or why they're important.  Although he does an impressive job investing us in Arcadia and Mors (Peter's spouses) in such a short time, it's a double-edged sword because it's hard not to want more.  

I feel like we could've gotten some really great Morinus stories, but Ewing had to cut it short for the "King in Black" crossover.  It's disappointing given how great it could've been.

Marauders #16 (December 9):  I mean, I guess this issue is OK?  I dunno.  I don't have any reason not to like it, because, I mean, how could I possibly dislike Emma, Kate, and Lockheed kicking Sebastian Shaw's ass?  But, something about it bordered on eye-roll inducing, though I can't quite put my finger on it.

Captain America #26 (December 16):  Just like "Marauders," I haven't been feeling these last few issues.  Bucky, Cap, Sam, and Sharon's mission to save Misty, Natasha, Peggy, and Ross feels like the sort of thing that we'd cover in a few pages in an epilogue to a long-running story.  Maybe it's because the stakes don't feel real at all:  it isn't like we believe that they're going to fail to rescue them.  Even when it seemed like Peggy was going to die at the end of last issue, I found myself struggling to summon any sense of sadness.  As Sharon said in that issue and Steve in this one, pretty much every major character in this issue - Bucky, Lukin, Natasha, Peggy, Ross, Sharon, Sin, Steve - has been dead at some point or another.  With stakes that low, as I said, it's hard to care a lot about the outcome here.

New Mutants #14 (December 16):  Hickman has Ayala address one of the issues lurking in the background of many of the "Dawn/Reign of X" series, namely the younger mutants appear to be drunks.  The older New Mutants write the Quiet Council asking for help, and the Council promptly puts them in charge of running the education program.  Using the Captains' "synergy" approach, the older New Mutants begin training the rest of the new mutants in the Wild Hunt.  It's all well and good except for the fact that several trainee New Mutants are under the Shadow King's influence.  I'll admit that I'm surprised that we're lumping Anole in with several characters created for this story.  I mean, he's been a character for almost 20 years.  You'd think that he'd at least be part of the Young X-Men group and not demoted to this one.

Amazing Spider-Man #55 (December 30):  OMFG, how is this story not over yet?  I thought with "Last Remains" ending we'd be done, but, no, we're just beginning?  

I mean, I know Spencer is all about returning to Peter's past, as this issue's multiple references to Harry and Peter's previous confrontations makes clear.  But, I didn't really need to return to the era where Mary Jane is always at the point of getting fridged.  Possibly even worse, we're also returned to the era where Norman somehow never suffers any consequences.  After all, he apparently cured himself of his insanity (including thinking that he was Carnage), and was immune to Sin-Eater's bullets.  Is Norman the Devil?  Maybe?  Who knows?  Who cares?  

I also cannot - cannot - take another minute of Harry pinning blame for Norman on Peter.  Even Norman tried to do so in issue #49.  I get that it seemed dodgy that Peter didn't tell Harry that Norman was the Green Goblin once he realized that Norman suffered from amnesia.  But, Harry was basically having nervous breakdowns over poorly toasted bagels at that point in time.  Yes, Peter benefitted from not having to expose his secret identity, but it didn't mean that his benefit was the only variable in the equation.  Plus, as Norman's behavior in this issue shows, Norman is beyond saving.  But, the fucking Osborns keep trying to pin everything on Peter, and he buys it.

I'm so fucking bored of this schtick.  I really could never read an Osborn story for as long as I live and I wouldn't care.

X-Men #16 (December 30):  Hickman makes it clear that he's not done with Arakko when it turns out Arakko doesn't want to unify with Krakoa now that it's arrived on Earth.  

Isca the Unbeaten is appalled at the X-Men's weakness, something that Hickman plays up well when Isca essentially emasculated Professor X for arriving with a Krakoan flower for her.  (To be fair, he was simply trying to help them set up a portal so they didn't have to cross the strait between the two islands, but it's clear that Isca didn't even see that reason as a good one.)  Meanwhile, Cyclops and Marvel Girl decline positions on the Quiet Council as they plan to restart the X-Men.  They plan to hold annual elections for the roster, and I'm sure that it won't get political at all. 

I have to admit that I feel like Hickman is losing some steam here.  The X of Swords event seemed to happen at a weird time, in retrospect.  We haven't even established the status quos of all the X-Men and associated characters, but now we're adding 20 times the number of mutants on Krakoa with the addition of Arakko.  Moreover, it's getting hard to tell what the modi operandi of all the Krakoan teams are, and now we're adding the X-Men into the mix.  

As amazing as Hickman's work with "Dawn/Reign of X" has been, I feel like it might be time to break up the central narrative control and let creators tell stories where the only notable part about Krakoa is that it's where the mutants happen to live.  Duggan gets as close as we've seen to that on "Marauders," and that series' best issues are when we barely mention Krakoa at all.

Also Read:  MODOK:  Head Games #1 (December 2); Amazing Spider-Man #54.LR (December 23)

Not-Even-Remotely-New Comics: The June 12 Non-X Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Amazing Spider-Man #23:  This issue feels slapdash, but it does what it needs to do.  Spencer ticks off the list of future threats emerging from "Hunted," with the Vulture reforming the Savage Six, Kraven, Jr. assuming the mantle of Kraven the Hunter, and the Chameleon thanking Sergei (at his grave) for sparing him the Hunt and pledging destruction and doom in the future.  But, most importantly, Spencer thankfully throws out the "Women in Refrigerators" plot, as we learn MJ's injury came from slipping on Peter's costume and putting an arm through the coffee table.  (She seems pretty OK given the severity of the cuts that should involve.)  The creeper Goblin we previously saw hanging over her has taken the form of an inchworm -- yeah, I don't know how either -- observing Peter tearfully hugging her.  The inchworm -- er, Goblin -- exposits that he's keeping MJ safe from her greatest threat -- Peter -- so that they can be together.  If we were dealing with the post-collegiate versions of these characters, I'd say the creeper Goblin was Harry Osborn, but that makes less sense now.  I guess we'll see, though I admit I have problems caring?  Like, I thought the joy of Spencer getting MJ and Peter back together was that he'd avoid these sorts of clichés.  Oh, well.

Detective Comics #1,005:  I'll be honest that I'm not sure why DC felt the need to introduce the Arkham Knight to the comics continuity.  In the video game, it was Jason Todd, thought killed by the Joker.  As we learned last issue, it's now Jeremiah Arkham's secret daughter, Astrid.  Raised in Arkham surrounded by convicts, she believed that Batman was the bad guy, particularly after he allegedly killed her mother.  It's a lie Jeremiah allowed to persist because it meant that he could escape culpability in wife's death.  (What a therapist, this guy.)  After her previous dry run of setting off a small sun in Gotham, Astrid now tries to blind Gotham's citizens so they can't see Batman.  To her, he's an agent of the darkness and shadows so, if everyone is blind, his power over them fades.  In other words, she's crazy.  For all the hoopla of introducing the Knight, it just feels so ho-hum, yet another lunatic with some diabolical plan that Batman easily foils.  (Also, why go with the dry run and alert Batman to your existence?  Why not just blind everyone from the get-go?)  The end sequence of Batman and Robin surveying the city days later feels directly lifted from a "Batman:  The Animated Series" episode, the first time I've felt that way about Tomasi's writing.

Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #7:  I've been enjoying this series a lot, but this issue is an unfortunate miss.  Taylor leans very, very heavily into eye-rolling clichés, from Marnie telling Peter that she didn't know May was a superhero to the cartoonishly villainous local businesspeople who prompt May's aforementioned "super heroics" when confronting her about opening F.E.A.S.T.  It all feels rushed, as Taylor is more than capable of providing a better script that got across the same message.

Invaders #6:  Zdarsky continues to make this series tense and unexpected as something that almost never happens in the Marvel Universe does here:  the heroes lose.  Cap fails to stop Namor from launching his bomb, which turns 3,000 people in a coastal Maine town (as well as Nay and Roman) into Atlanteans.  Zdarksy also doesn't avoid pinning blame on Steve; in a character-honest approach, he has Tony frequently point out the fact that he told Steve they needed to act and not try to reason with Namor.  I'm intrigued to see if Steve doubles down next issue on his belief that he can save Namor or if he accepts that he's too far gone.

Transformers #7:  I had been disappointed by the slow pace of this series, but Ruckley really kicks it up a notch here.  I can't believe he actually killed off Rubble!  Bumblebee is devastated, and LaFuente and Burcham do a spectacular job here using the all-yellow panels to convey his grief, letting us know Rubble is dead before we're told. That event is the catalyst for all sorts of developments.

First, Ratchet informs Prowl that the modus operandi is different from the one that Brainstorm's murderer used, meaning that Cybertron has two different killers on the loose.  Bumblebee isn't the only Transformer feeling guilt, as Prowl tells Chromia that he's going to get revenge, blaming himself for not finding the Voin more quickly.  Ironhide informs Orion that Sentinel Prime, Starscream, and Nautica will all return from their colony tour once they reach the nearest Spacebridge; Ironhide isn't sure if it's a good or a bad thing.

Bumblebee visits the Ascenticon Guard after his conversation with Senator Soundwave last issue.  Bumblebee tells Elita-1 that he needs to do something, as Cybertronians are dying, but Refraktor and Skytred make it clear that they don't want a Security reject on the team.  Elita-1 isn't buying their toxic masculinity, telling Bumbleebee that the Guard wants to bring about the orderly and safe change that must come, as the Autobots' way of restraint is clearly not helping anyone.  (Ruckley does a great job here of showing how the Ascenticons have a point.  I'm also assuming Ascenticons are behind the murders.)  But, Skytred can't keep his mouth shut and teases Bumblebee over Rubble's murder, sparking a fight between them and Refraktor.  Elita-1 breaks up the fight, and Bumblebee notes that he isn't wanted, but also wonders where Quake is.  (Dun-dun-DUN!)

Meanwhile, Cyclonus is clearly cuckoo for cocoa puffs, as he's haunted by the ghosts of Gridlock, Highfire, and an unidentified Transformer.  Gridlock says Cyclonus is broken after Highfire wonders why he would hang around the Memorial Crater, the site of the last battle in the war "against the Threefold Spark."  It seems the three frequently haunt Cyclonus (who Gridlock calls "boss").  Highfire encourages Cyclonus to stay focused on the "mission," but Gridlock tells him that he's wasting his time, because the war has ended and "Exarchon's gone."  Cyclonus says that no one knows that, and he's surprised when he finds a loose cable at the Crater, part of his lament that no one is performing the necessary upkeep.  He's surprised again when a smallish Transformer opens fire on him.

Again, Rubble's murder really injected some much needed energy into this series.  I'm intrigued to see where we go from here.

Also Read:  Star Wars:  Vader - Dark Visions #5

Not-Even-Remotely-New Comics: The May 1 Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Age of X-Man:  Prisoner X #3:  One of the major questions -- actually, the major question -- running through this event is who, exactly, is pulling the strings behind the scenes.  Who dispatches Fred and the X-Tremists on missions?  Who gives orders to Force and the Danger Room?  We've always assumed that it was X-Man, but, given Bishop's conversation with Legion in this issue, maybe it's Legion?  Wouldn't that be a twist?  At the very least, this series has kept this mystery at its core unlike the other series, which continue to get lost in attempts to make it seem like it's all really the new status quo and isn't going to be undone in a month or so.

Batman #70:  I feel like I'm waiting for someone to give me permission to stop reading this series.  I mean, I just cannot fucking take another non sequitur poem.  Amazingly, King plummets even lower here, employing the most boring cliché of all Batman stories:  the assault on Arkham.  Bruce finally awakens here, and he makes a mad dash through Arkham, laughing at Bane thinking his nightmare experience has broken him.  King uses an off-panel conversation between Bane and the Ventriloquist to show that Bruce is doing exactly what Bane wants him to do, and the hysterical tinge of Bruce's voice implies that he might not be as with it as he thinks that he is.  But, it still doesn't mean that it isn't ridiculous that Bruce is able to defeat the Riddler, Killer Croc, Hush, Zsazz, Man-Bat, the Flamingo, Mr. Freeze, Scarecrow, Amygdala, Solomon Grundy, Two-Face, and several other characters whom I didn't recognize in one fell run.  It's clear that he barely even works up a sweat.  Why read a Batman comic if he's so powerful?  He's essentially Superman here.  The worst part is that we're nowhere near close to the final confrontation with Bane and Thomas Wayne, making you wonder just how long King is going to leave us hanging here.  [Sigh.]  This whole experience feels like penance, though I'm not sure what my sin was.

Star Wars #65:  The exciting part of this arc is that Gillen continues to surprise us with how badly Leia's plan is going.  At the start, it seemed like she and the guys were just going to waltz through Shu-Torun with ease.  Sure, the SCAR Squadron guys might get off Hubin and arrive at the last minute to make matters interesting, but it seemed beyond a doubt that Leia was going to get her revenge (no matter how much she claimed that she wasn't trying to get revenge).  But, Gillen is making it a lot more difficult than it usually is for heroes.  Trios decides to jeopardize the lives of everyone stuck in the auditorium with her in order to allow her and her elite guard to break free.  Sure, she possibly condemned Shu-Torun's nobility to a fiery, painful death, but she understands that Leia is playing for keeps.  (In fact, she intuitively understands it better than Leia does, since the Partisans' attempt to destroy Shu-Torun is something Leia missed entirely as a possibility.)  Moreover, SCAR Squadron gets in touch with the Empire more quickly than I thought it would, resulting in Commander Kanchar bringing his ship to Shu-Torun for his version of fun.  I can actually see a scenario where Leia and Trios have to work together to save Shu-Torun from the Partisans, a possibility that just shows how complex of a tale Gillen is weaving here.

Uncanny X-Men #17:  I don't understand how this issue goes so completely off the rails so quickly.  Sure, this series has occasionally had some dips in the quality of its dialogue, but Rosenberg has generally been pretty good about the consistency of his characterization.  But, everything goes out the window here.

First, we're supposed to believe that four frat boys beat Rahne to death because Rahne didn't fight back.  I'm sorry, what?  Rosenberg portrays Rahne as suicidal in her refusal to use her powers after she initially attacks one of the boys in a rage.  Rosenberg seems to want us to ignore the fact that Rahne has been in this game since she was a pre-teen.  We're supposed to believe that she can't control her powers enough to safely put down four frat boys?  Also, these frat boys are clearly sociopaths because when Wolverine finds them (with the help of Kwannon) they're just playing video games.  Really?  They just blithely kill a girl and decide, cool, let's go play "Fortnite?"

Then, we've got Karma reciting this ridiculous list of dead X-Men at Rahne's funeral, as if anyone really believes they're dead?  Given the X-Men's history, almost all of the X-Men inexplicably disappeared and no one even paused to consider if there is more than meets the eye here?  We're really just supposed to believe that they all believe all their friends are dead?  Shouldn't they be a little more despondent?  Shouldn't they just be drinking whiskey and crying all the time?  

Then, we've got Scott so mad at Logan for skipping Rahne's funeral that he unilaterally evicts him from the team even though, as Logan himself notes, he's not the team leader anymore.  They're a democracy.  Also, it's not like Scott was really "there" for the team as he claims that Logan should've been.  He starts the service by announcing that the doesn't know what he should say and just turns over the podium to anyone who wants to say something.  Inspiring leadership, Scotty.  

Then, we've got Logan being all inexplicably emotional, saying that he and Scott keep sending kids to die.  Again, Rahne was a grown-ass woman.  If anything, Logan not stopping her from leaving the team was probably a good decision in terms of her safety, since she had a better chance of surviving when she wasn't getting hunted as a member of an outcast mutant outfit.  How was he to know she'd go all suicidal?

Honestly, this issue is just the fucking worst.

Also Read:  Amazing Spider-Man #20.HU; Marvel Team-Up #2; Spider-Gwen:  Ghost Spider #8; Star Wars:  Age of Rebellion - Han Solo #1; Transformers #4; War of the Realms #3; War of the Realms:  Strikeforce - The Dark Elf Realm #1

Not-Very-New Comics: The March 27 Marvel Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Age of X-Man:  X-Tremists #2:  Williams does a great job of showing how tentative Nate's grasp on this reality is.  First, we learn that the X-Tremists are setting the wildfires so that it gives the X-Men something to do.  I'm assuming Nate is aware of that (though I'm also pretty sure that the X-Men aren't), but if he isn't then it raises questions about how actively Nate is calling the shots.  After all, someone gave the X-Tremists the order to set these wildfires.  But, Williams also shows how Nate's ability to prevent people from forming connections is doomed to fail, as Blob admits his feelings for Betsy.  If even his enforcers can't live by his rules, Nate is in trouble.  So far, the most interesting character in this series is Moneta.  She's violent in her treatment of the pregnant woman the X-Tremists (or "Department X" as they're known in-world) rounded up last issue, though we haven't yet been shown why she's such an extremist (heh).  She was created for this event, so she doesn't have a "real-world" analogue to give us a hint about her motivations.  We'll see where we go from here.

Amazing Spider-Man #18:  Spencer is on creative fire here.  I mean, I already thought that it was ingenious to reveal that Kraven's fellow hunters were controlling the Kravenbots through "advanced VR control unit[s]" imbedded directly into their cerebral cortexes.  But, he then turns it into Fortnite, as you can use your credit card to upgrade your hunter.  Brilliant.  But, I'll admit my enjoyment of this issue was constrained by Spencer going all "Women in Refrigerators" with Mary Jane.  He reveals that the Goblin-looking figure we've seen a few times is in the apartment with her, and I found myself rolling my eyes.  I mean, Spencer does some great work with MJ here, as she contemplates how much better she is about handling the stress of Peter's time as Spider-Man than she used to be.  But, it's overshadowed by turning her into a helpless victim yet again.  I get that Spencer seems to be setting up the next arc here:  Peter isn't able to save MJ because he's trapped in Arcade's Thunderdome.  But, I wonder if it was really necessary, because I would've preferred Spencer to spend more time on the fights in the dome.

Mr. and Mrs. X #9:  This issue reads like Kelly Thompson just read a Brené Brown book, and I'm totally on board with that.  Rogue realizes that it's her fear of connection that led her to keep her powers unchecked, putting a physical and psychological wall between her and the world.  Rogue tears down those walls here as she leans into her fear.  "Everything we've ever wanted.  It's up to us and nobody else.  Exactly as it should be."  I kind of need to hear that today, to be honest.  I can't wait for us to kick Mojo's ass next issue.  #issueoftheyearcandidate

X-Force #5:  This issue is a coda to "Extermination," which is why I'm tagging it here.  We finally see the future events that cause Nathan to force the original X-Men to return to the past.

In the future, Nate is fighting his war against the New Canaanites when suddenly two of his Clan Chosen soldiers, Bava and Flintshard, dissolve into the timestream and another solider, Spheeris, becomes a different soldier entirely, named Dorna, who claims that they all know him.  Eventually, Blaquesmith arrives and brings Nathan to one of the underground safehouses that older Nathan built.  The computer recognizes him and informs him that 893 temporal breaches have occurred since he was last there, but only one was critical:  Hank bringing the original X-Men to (our) present.  Blaquesmith explains the results of this decision are now hitting the present as timelines gets confused.  Blaquesmith and the computer introduce Nathan to Graymalkin, giving him his mission to maintain the timestream.  Blaquesmith expresses his disappointment in Nathan's older self for allowing his emotions to blind him.  (I'm still not entirely sure that we've ever gotten an adequate explanation for why Cable didn't send back the kids, but I think we'll get there eventually.)  It's a cool moment, as Hopeless is essentially showing us the moment that Marvel rebooted Cable to his younger self.  Cable then watches as his remaining allies, including his lover, Aliya, dissolve into the timestream.  Hopeless makes it clear that it's this loss that hardens Nate against Cable, showing him appearing at the burnt-out Xavier Institute as he did in "Extermination."  Meanwhile, we also see Stryfe and his Mutant Liberation Force learn about Nathan's activities from a pair of grotesque, Sugar Man-esque (but larger) figures.  Stryfe and the MLF follow Nate into the timestream to prevent Nate, who they deem a terrorist, from destroying their timestream.

In other words, Hopeless does an amazing job of covering a lot of ground while also telling a coherent story.  Is it functionally a reboot of the original Cable/Stryfe story?  Yes.  But, I love the return of Stryfe and his war with Cable, so I'm not complaining.  I can't wait to see where we go from here.

Also Read:  Avengers:  No Road Home #7; Star Wars:  Vader - Dark Visions #2

Not-Very-New Comics: The March 13 Non-X Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Amazing Spider-Man #17:  I initially decided not to pin this issue with the Women in Refrigerator tag, given that Felicia threatens to gut Kraven herself if he somehow defeats Spider-Man.  (Note to self:  send Nick Spencer a muffin basket for returning Felicia to us.)  But, then we had the Mary-Jane-as-Barbara-Gordon moment, and I decided it was appropriate after all.  Beyond that, though, it's a solid start to what could really be a great event.  Spencer leans heavily into characterization here, from Felicia's struggle to comfort Billy when they awaken as captives in the Plaza Hotel to Kraven's melancholy reflections on how this new world doesn't value his ethos.  Spencer is also clearly having a great time; the twist that Kraven has everyone stashed at the Plaza is pretty great.  But, Spencer is using enough foreshadowing to let us know that it isn't all fun and games.  I applaud his decision to make Peter fight Kraven with the flu, because I feel like "Amazing Spider-Man" has always done the best job among comic-book series of showing how Peter's need to act as Spider-Man doesn't always happen at the most convenient times for Peter himself.  (If I remember correctly, he also had the flu in "Kraven's Last Hunt.")  Spencer doesn't just use the Mary-Jane-meet-coffee-table moment to show us how high the stakes are:  Ramos does a spectacular (heh) job of really showing how Kraven's son beat Peter's ass something fierce.  Then, he puts him in the black costume in a dome filled with his enemies, and you're like, "OK, game on, Spencer."  Then, he introduces Kraven robots trying to kill everyone, and you're like "OK, maybe I can look past the Mary Jane problem..."

Spider-Gwen:  Ghost Spider #6:  Jackal working with Man-Wolf!  McGuire does a good job here of introducing Gwen's new status quo, where she has to deal with the ramifications of outing herself.  For reasons that aren't yet clear, we learn that Jackal and Man-Wolf are working together to take her down, sending a group of thugs to attack her so that they can learn her fighting style.  But, they're not Gwen's only problem, as she suffers a series of headaches in the issue and is unaware that she appears to be shedding spiders.  Are they going to form the real Venom eventually?  I guess we'll see.  Meanwhile, she's hiring out her services, and we know that's going to end well.

Star Wars:  Han Solo - Imperial Cadet #5:  This story's conclusion is pitch perfect.  Han and his fellow cadets find Valance, only to discover a group of slaves seeking to escape the planet in the chaos of the Empire's attack.  The cadets learn that the slaves mine farium, and Kanina is shaken to her core, as her boyfriend Weegee is a farium miner on her home planet in the Huru system.  She realizes that the battalion heading to the Huru system means the Empire is going to enslave her people.  Han convinces her to let the cadets and he fake her death so she can save her planet.  If Marvel is looking for a good sequel to this story, Kanina leading a rebellion against the Empire on her home planet gets my vote.  I've always liked Robbie Thompson, but he's been particularly impressive here, infusing Han's four fellow cadets with solid backstories and clear personalities in just five issues.  Unfortunately, the emotional denouement -- Kanina arriving on her planet to fall into Weegee's arms as Han spends time in the stockade -- is ruined in part because of the art choices.  Weegee looks identical to Han, and Prianto's use of a sepia tone makes it seem like Kanina is happy to see Han years later, after he leaves the Empire.  I'm surprised the editors didn't catch that, particularly given how many editors the Star Wars line has at this point.  But, overall, this mini-series was one of the strongest ones that we've had so far.

Transformers #1:  As a child of the '80s, I was very excited about this comic.  As often as I complain about reboots, I'll admit Dark Horse's universe of Transformers-related comics made it difficult to figure out where I could engage.  In other words, I'm loathe to admit it, but this reboot was exactly for people like me; I apologize to long-time fans who just saw their continuity swept into the dustbin for us.  But, I also think Ruckley does a great job of offering something for everyone, as this issue starts us at the time before the Autobots and Decepticons go to war.

The main story involves Bumblebee leading a newly sparked Transformer named Rubble to a transmission station to learn the wonders of "energon engineering" from a fellow Transformer named Brainstorm.  In their journey they meet with a Transformer named Windblade.  She works for Security Operations, and she asks to accompany Bumblebee and Rubble because she's also heading to the station after Brainstorm reported some "anomalies with the monitoring equipment."  She hypothesizes that it's sabotage, leading Bumblebee to wonder if "the Rise" could be out this far.  Along their journey to the station, we learn that Rubble is in a period of exploration that all newly sparked Transformers experience, as they journey to choose their alternate form.  We also learn that they can later change their choice, as Bumblebee "left" Security Operations (where he met Windblade) to become a Search and Rescue worker.  (Windblade implies that he didn't leave Security Operations so voluntarily.)  Arriving at the station, Windblade senses something is wrong.  While she and Bumblebee scout around a bit, Rubble stumbles upon a murdered Brainstorm.

The second story gives us context to this scene.  We learn Megatron is the leader of a group called the Ascenticons.  They're marching on a place called Tarm, which seems to have some sort of religious connotation to the Ascenticons.  Concerned about safety, Orion Pax calls for a meeting with Megatron, as a fellow Senator and old friend.  Ruckley doesn't give us much information here on the substance of Megatron's dissent.  We only learn that his last rally left dozens injured, and he paints the Autobots as fascists seeking to restrict Transformers' freedoms.  Moreover, Ruckley makes it clear that Orion uses "friend" a little too loosely here; Ruckley even mentions in his interview at the end of the issue that they aren't exactly "friends.'

In other words, Ruckley manages to make the comic feel familiar yet fresh at the same time.  One of the most interesting developments is his introduction of an organic race of ape-like creatures called the Voin.  Windblade dismisses them as scavengers, though it's unclear what they would be scavenging as Cybertron does seem entirely inorganic.  Moreover, some of the Voin are connected to a floating aquarium containing a squid-like creature that speaks for the apes.  In other words, we have a lot to explore.

Winter Soldier #4-#5:  Issue #4 was so gripping that I just went ahead and read issue #5.  Jesus fucking Christ.  I've been following Higgins for a long time now, and he really takes his work on "Nightwing" to the next level here.  He's gotten the tone of each issue exactly right.  After all, RJ's cautious hope about his father, Richie, makes it clear that it's all going to end in tears, because it's a Bucky Barnes story and not a Steve Rogers story.

In both these issues, Higgins perfectly uses RJ as a mirror to Bucky's own feelings of doubt and mistrust.  RJ desperately wants to believe Richie is trying to start a new life after he was released from prison.  But, RJ is who HYDRA made him, so he's also suspicious.  For example, he doesn't believe Richie's story that he recognized RJ on television, because RJ was only a year old when Richie went to jail.  But, Richie shows him a picture that RJ's mother (allegedly) sent him, and he tells a moving story about how all he did for the time he was in prison was stare at that picture and imagine who his son was.  It's enough for RJ.  

But, it's not enough for Bucky.  Higgins makes it clear that Bucky needs RJ.  He needs to believe that he (and he alone) can save RJ from himself, because Bucky needs to believe that he can save himself.  He learns that lesson hard in issue #5, but in issue #4 he still hasn't fully come to grips with his own motivations.  The problem is that he's obviously not wrong in his suspicion of Richie.  When RJ beats away some goons who came after Richie for money that he borrowed from them, it's the proof that Bucky needs that, at best, Richie is a small-time hood who can't go straight.  After all, what kind of guy looking to go straight borrows money from a loan shark on his first day on the outside?  But, RJ has faith in him, and he convinces Bucky to do for Richie what Bucky does for other people looking to leave "the life."

The problem is, Bucky is right.  Sharon gets video of Colt paying Richie a visit, and it seems clear that Colt arranged his coincidental release to bring back in RJ.  But, it's even worse than Bucky thought, as Richie is also using his old contacts to put together a job to rob a high-stakes poker game, figuring RJ's particular skill set would come in handy.  But, Higgins goes one step further, in the other direction.  When Bucky confronts Richie, telling him to leave town, Higgins has Richie full of fury over Bucky's sense of entitlement over RJ.  Richie's right in this way:  Bucky has decided he's better for RJ, and he's impatient to be rid of Richie.  When Richie dies accidentally in their fight, Bucky struggles once again to come to grips with his lack of control.

Everything spirals into chaos in issue #5.  Colt lays in wait for RJ at Richie's place, knowing he'll come looking for his father when he doesn't show for breakfast.  He tells RJ the truth about what Bucky did, while Bucky calls Sharon for help as he plans on burying Richie's body in the woods.  Higgins uses this scene perfectly to show how much Bucky is struggling to make his own good decisions.  Sharon convinces him to tell RJ the truth, but his instinct not to do so calls into question his motivations.  Higgins once again shows us that Bucky's need to save RJ is more about him than RJ.  When RJ rejects his attempt to apologize, seeing how he heard from Colt first, Bucky is devastated.  Sharon pulls in favors to get Richie buried in a proper cemetery, but she warns Bucky she's depleting that store of favors.  Bucky tearfully admits to Sharon that he was trying to save RJ from the fate that he so clearly feels, from hating himself so much that he can't imagine someone not hating him.  Sharon comforts him, reminding him that helping someone and saving them are different paths.  She encourages him not to forget that, not to try for perfection.  His hotline rings, and despite his misgivings he answers.  Meanwhile, RJ takes out Colt dressed in his uniform and tearfully fades in to the night.

In other words, wow.  This mini-series has been spectacular from start to finish, but it ends so fucking strongly.  It's an amazing psychological study of Bucky, and I honestly don't understand why they aren't just handing Higgins the keys to this kingdom here.  We rarely get an author explore the savior complex that runs through superheroes, and Higgins does it so perfectly here.

Also Read:  Avengers:  No Road Home #5

Not-Very-New Comics: The January 2 Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Conan the Barbarian #1:  In all my comic-collecting life, I've only read one issue of Conan.  It was a "Savage Sword of Conan" issue that a friend of mine gave me when I was in the hospital.  I remember it blowing my twelve-year-old mind:  first, it was in black-and-white, and, second, it was adult.  It had a sensibility that I didn't see in the Marvel superhero comics that I was collecting at the time; it was closer to, but still beyond, the types of stories that DC was telling.  It was cool, but I never again dipped my toes into those waters.

When I heard Jason Aaron, of all people, was going to pen the new series, I was on board in a flash.  That excitement wasn't misplaced.  Aaron hits all the notes you expect to see in a Conan comic; it feels the way I expect a Conan comic to feel.  But, it's Aaron, so it's not just Conan slaying some soldiers, drinking some ale, and bedding some wenches.  I mean, he does bed a wench, but it turns out she's actually a witch!  She poisons him with a scratch, and he awakens to find himself bound spread-eagle (sexy!) in an underground temple.  She needs blood from the greatest warrior in the land to resurrect her demon lord, which she almost accomplishes before Conan manages to break free from his bonds and kill her.  Aaron has more surprises in store when he flashes us forward decades later, as King Conan of Aquilonia reviews a battlefield littered with bodies.  As he walks among his dead opponents, he's startled to find two children.  They're not who they seem to be at first glance; they're minions of the dead witch, and it looks like they're going to fulfill her prophecy that Conan will die on this spot (just a few decades after she thought).

I've always been disappointed that we don't have more sword-and-sorcery comics.  Comics seem to be a perfect vehicle for these sorts of stories.  However, from DC's old-school "Forgotten Realms" series to the current "Dungeons and Dragons" and "Pathfinder" comics, they've always been sort of...joke-y.  They've never brought the gravitas that I'm thrilled to see Aaron bring here.  Plus, getting a chance to read Conan feels like reading the relaunched "Miracleman" series did, connecting with comics history in a way I didn't get to experience the first time.  Color me excited.

Detective Comics #995:  I like Tomasi, but this issue is just too much.  Bruce barely sounds like himself as he tries to tell Leslie what she meant to him as he and Alfred try (and fail) to treat the Joker toxin.  I'd expect some emotion from Bruce, but he's just too over the top here.  The Bruce I know would've kept focused on the task at hand until he found the answer.  Instead, he falls to pieces, a reflection of how Snyder's and King's interpretation of him as a hot-headed brawler (and not meticulously controlled detective) casts a long shadow.  Moreover, it's hard to take Leslie's death seriously.  I mean, how many times has she died?  Tomasi even doubles down on this approach, as Leslie's body isn't even cold when someone dressed as Zorro stabs Alfred.  (In an interesting note, this person somehow tricks the computer system into identifying him as Commissioner Gordon.  It's starting to feel like an inside job.)  It's here where it's unbelievable the editors weren't like, "Wait, wait, wait, we just almost offed Dick in 'Batman,' and Alfred also gets stabbed there, too!  Maybe do something else?"  Alfred survives here (shockingly, I know), and Bruce goes to Arkham to threaten the criminals there for information.  Is he going to beat up Bane again while he's at it?  Shouldn't he analyze the Joker toxin first, since it seems like a new strain?  Maybe it would help inform the questions he asks the criminals while he beats them?  After all, beating Bane senseless in "Batman" didn't help matters.  Maybe he could even, I don't know, review security-camera footage to get a better sense of who the monster that attacked Leslie was?  But, that would make him a detective, something he no longer seems to be.  [Sigh.]  Unfortunately, I also have to resurrect my "Women in Refrigerators" label here, since the only purpose Leslie's death seems to serve is to push Bruce over the edge.  I wish I had something better to say here, after last issue seemed to be a return to form for the Bat-books.  Now, I just feel like canceling them all and being done with it.

Uncanny X-Men #8:  This issue starts off well.  We learn Legion is keeping X-Man and the young X-Men in his mind; they're not physically in the reality that hosts the Age of Apocalypse.  Bishop demands the X-Men rescue the young X-Men immediately, but a freed Kitty Pryde refuses to do so, saying they need to evaluate the situation while they have Legion and X-Man distracted.  Apocalypse agrees, something that should be Kitty's first sign that she's wrong.  Knowing first-hand how awful the world the young X-Men inhabit is, Bishop has Betsy send him into Legion's mind, Kitty be damned, where he prevents Hisako from killing X-Man just in the nick of time.  The authors do a pretty solid job of showing how the year the kids spent in the Age of Apocalypse affected them, particularly when Bishop informs them they've only been gone for five minutes in the real world.  But, everything spirals into chaos when Legion follows Bishop into his own mind, setting up a confrontation in which X-Man appears to take over Legion.  It all at least makes sense, at least from a plot perspective.  But, I'll admit I've lost track of the characters' motivations here.  It seems weird that Bishop is the one advocating saving the kids and Kitty is the one telling them they should be focused on the larger threat.  It's just starting to feel like you could swap in any character with any piece of dialogue, an unfortunate side effect of these sorts of multiple-character events.  We'll see if it gets clearer soon.

The Winter Soldier #2:  Giving Bucky a sidekick is a clever idea from the boot, but making it a kid with an even more fucked up childhood than Bucky had is brilliant.  I'm intrigued where we go from here.

Also Read:  Mr. and Mrs. X #7; Shatterstar #4

Not-Very-Deep Thoughts: The April 5 Marvel Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Uncanny Avengers #22:  Whoa.  Duggan throws a lot at us in this issue.  To start, Beast successfully removes Xavier's brain from the Skull and, in so doing, brings the team's crusade to an end.  Before Captain Nazi can get his mitts on the brain, Rogue has Johnny follow her above New York City and incinerate it.  Larraz has been on fire throughout this series, and he hits nova at several points in this issue.  But, his best panel so far comes here:  Johnny gives Rogue a moment to herself, and she contemplates this final nail in Charles' coffin while looking at the clouds above New York City.  It's really a touching moment.  Marvel has dragged out Charles' death, from the Red Skull stealing his brain in this series to his appearance in heaven in the opening arc of "Extraordinary X-Men."  But, Duggan gives us as close to a sense of finality as a comic-book death can have; it's hard not to feel like he's gone (at least for a while).  With their mission accomplished, the Avengers assemble for a "team breakup" party, where Deadpool opens up a bottle of whiskey he was saving for when Logan returned.  (Heh.)  However, Duggan takes us to an unexpected place as Wade sneaks from the party and Rogue follows him.  She asks if he hates her for breaking him (he's still walking with a cane), and Wade casually tells her that he's used to being hurt.  Rogue grabs him and flies above New York City again, kissing him and absorbing his "hurt."  Similar to Larraz, Duggan has been at the height of his game in this series when it comes to injecting humor at unexpected moments, and he did a great job doing so throughout this issue, like when Johnny told Synapse he was the Ringo of the Fantastic Four.  But, he saves the best moment for Wade:  when Rogue tells Wade his mind is like a palate cleanser after the Red Skull, he tells her it's the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to him.  However, we go to an even more unexpected place:  instead of Cable returning in this issue, it's Simon!  Somehow, absorbing Wade's powers and psyche has brought out Simon but left Rogue comatose.  (By the way, I had no idea Wade was hot.)  Man, I hope this series doesn't end.  Duggan has really been the only person in recent memory to write a superhero comic that genuinely surprises me, and I'd love for him to keep this team together.  After all, someone's going to have to take down Captain Nazi.

Captain America:  Steve Rogers #15:  Speaking of the Devil, the Skull's loss of Xavier's brain has a very immediate impact here, as Steve is now able to confront the Skull directly without fear of him seeing through his facade.  The most interesting part of this action-packed issue is that Spencer strongly implies Steve is aware of the Skull's meddling in his past.  As Steve beats on him -- with the tacit support of Crossbones and Sin, who fail to intervene -- the Skull shouts out the truth.  Steve remains undeterred, saying he's only ever been loyal to the dream as he throws the Skull's broken body on the rocks below, killing him.  Throughout the confrontation, Steve refers to HYDRA as a mythic organization that prizes strength (something the Skull undermined during his tenure as leader), and Steve seems to view HYDRA as a way to make America stronger.  In the past, Steve is disillusioned as the Skull completes his take-over:  Baron Zemo père is dead, and Kraken is missing.  (We get confirmation Skull set up Zemo père, but I admit I don't totally remember that part being clear.  Did the Skull tip off the Allies to Zemo père's location in whatever issue it was where Bucky sent him to his death?)  Moreover, Spencer doesn't just play with Steve's history.  In this new history, HYDRA threw in its lot with the Nazis only because it saw them as a way to seize power.  But, it miscalculated, and Elisa's disapproval of the selection of the Nazis as partner appears to be why she was seen as a traitor to HYDRA.  But, Elisa approaches Steve after the Skull's coup d'état to tell him HYDRA still needs him, as the Americans are working on a weapon of mass destruction, the Cosmic Cube.  At this point, it's getting difficult to keep straight the ever-changing past.  Elisa is presumably a creation of Kobik, but she's sending Steve to get his hands on the Cosmic Cube (i.e., Kobik) before it's created.  Does Elisa use the Cube to create herself?  Talk about a paradox.  Moreover, if Baron Zemo père is the one who died on the experimental rocket, then how did Bucky lose his arm and become the Winter Soldier?  The longer Spencer draws out the story, the more questions like these we have.  It still seems like this new past is just affecting Steve (assuming Baron Zemo is lying about "remembering" their shared past), but I'm not sure how that's possible.  Anyway, in the present, Elisa's new High Council arrives to meet with Steve as he's now the undisputed head of HYDRA.  Meanwhile, in Steve's absence, Sharon defies the World Security Council's orders as she has S.H.I.E.L.D. strike against a HYDRA-controlled Sokovia.  (Sokovia fell to the Skull's forces in this issue, and he threatened the Council with a nuclear weapon if it didn't recognize his sovereignty.)  Spencer is really bringing everything to a head, even though it's hard to tell exactly what the denouement will be.  I guess we'll see.

Avengers #6:  I love Mark Waid most of the time, and I was thrilled when he launched "Avengers."  We were finally getting an old-school team again.  But, I've understood virtually nothing of this arc.  In the end, it seems the Avengers simply stole Kang's future using the same deus ex machina from last issue, the Sacniaa time-eating machine.  The only consequence of this arc appears to be the displacement of Avenger X's tomb from where we saw it in issue #5.1 to a sub-basement of Parker Industries, even though we're not told why anything we saw happen here would cause that to happen.  In other words, I'm done.  I'm thrilled other people are totally digging this run, but I'm not one of them.

Nova (2017) #5:  Wow.  At first, I thought we were going to lose Rich briefly.  He returned, and the Cancerverse returned with him.  He realized he had been selfish when it threatened Sam's family, and he returned to the Cancerverse, closing the portal behind him.  I figured Sam and maybe the Guardians would go after him to save him, since Sam would now be able to locate the portal to the Cancerverse.  But, it gets even crazier.  It seems the Worldmind has become the Cancerverse in Rich's absence.  I don't understand either, but you bet your ass I'm coming back next issue to see what happens!

Spider-Man #15:  This issue isn't as emotional as you'd expect it to be, given Miles' mother learns both his and Jefferson's secrets.  But, Bendis make it clear Rio doesn't know how to process her fury right now and we'll return to it at a later point.  In the meantime, Bendis doesn't let off Miles easy.  A mysterious figure is furious after Miles stopped "Frogboy" from robbing a woman.  (He did so with a off-handed shot of Web-Line from the rooftop where he was talking to his dad.)  "Frogboy" apparently had more ambitious plans for the night to pay off said figure, and the figure decides he has to think about how he wants to handle the plethora of superheroes (and Spider-Men) that plague New York.  Separately, Bendis may be laying the groundwork for Miles' identity to be revealed:  Ganke says hi to the girl who runs the YouTube channel that supports Spider-Man, and Jefferson is concerned Rio is going to tell her mother Miles' secret.  Given what we've seen of Miles' grandmother, she's not going to keep that quiet.  Poor Miles.  He's already trying to make it work with an inter-dimensional love interest and now his grandmother is going to ruin his life and probably get herself killed in the process.

Star Wars #30:  I've tried really hard with this arc, re-reading previous issues with each new issue to understand the complicated story Aaron has been telling.  But, I admit he loses me here.  In the present, Luke learns Garro lives alone on the world Yoda visited all those years ago.  In the past, Yoda ended the feud between the Muckwhackers and Rockhawkers by resurrecting the giants they thought they had lost.  With giants and humans now peacefully co-existing, Yoda departs, thinking he saved the day.  But, Garro reveals the children of this world eventually left it, as Yoda's arrival showed them the galaxy had more to offer.  All these developments make sense to me.  But, the problem is Aaron pretty much stops explaining there.  Garro claims the departure of the children robbed the world of Stonepower, so the giants were eventually reduced to much smaller versions of themselves.  Garro wants to use Luke's connection with the Force to destroy them once and for all, though he doesn't really explain why he feels this way.  Why fear them if they're so small?  Why destroy them if they pose no threat?  Then, he suddenly has a change of heart (seemingly inspired by Yoda's teachings, but we're not told why) and merges with the stone.  The "giants" hustle Luke to the heart of the mountain to get it pumping again, but I don't understand why it would do any good.  How long can Garro's powers really sustain this world?  Even if him merging with the stone somehow gave the stone enough power for its heart to beat again, how will it sustain itself if the children are a key part of maintaining this energy?  After all, it stopped beating because the children left.  Seriously, for all the work I put into this arc, it's frustrating it could've ended two or three issues ago -- when Yoda first awakened the heart of the mountain -- with the same outcome.  It's a disappointment, to say the least.

X-Men:  Gold #1:  As I may have previously mentioned, Marvel is doing with the X-Men what I always dreamed of them doing.  I've always wanted a series that returned to the characters and dynamics that I remember fondly from the 1980s, and this team is exactly that.  (Moreover, "X-Men Blue" and its focus on the time-displaced original team is even analogous to the original "X-Factor" concept, another hallmark of the 1980s.)  Guggenheim hits us over the head with the refresh by naming this first arc "Back to Basics," and Marvel even throws in a multiple-page timeline summarizing the X-Men's history to boot.  The message is clear:  the basics, they are back.  Thankfully, it's not just high concept; Guggenheim does a great job of implementing this vision as well.  We've got the perpetually troubled Kitty/Peter romance, Logan as a cranky and seemingly forced participant, softball, a new anti-mutant organization, money troubles, a rookie leader talking to Xavier in her head, the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants:  it all feels very familiar, in a good way.  In a conversation with Nightcrawler, Storm allows that Kitty's focus on the basics has helped her find hope again.  She sees them not just as the outcasts they've been ever since Scott took them to Utopia, but the heroes Kitty imagines them being.  To underline the point, Kitty places them in the middle of Central Park.  (We'll see if they can afford to stay!)  It's been eight years since Scott pulled the X-Men to Utopia, and Marvel is making it clear this era is over.  It's going to take work to keep the X-Men more grounded than they've been, but Guggenheim makes it clear he's committed to doing so in this issue, with all these winks and nods he gives us. The ten-year-old in me is very excited.

Also Read:  Champions #7; Hawkeye #5

Not-Very-Deep Thoughts: The February 15 Marvel Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Captain America:  Sam Wilson #19:  This issue is painful to read because, just like Rage, we all know how it's going to end.  Sam's belief in the system is admirable, but Spencer reminds us why we are where we are as a country.  It's OK for the Americops to testify against Rage in their masks, but it's something else entirely for Sam's surveillance system to be used as evidence.  The only uplifting part of this issue is the revelation Speed Demon finally got a dog (presumably not Inspector, the dog he stole -- and eventually returned -- from the little girl in "Superior Foes of Spider-Man").  In other words, Spencer is delivering a tour de force of political and social commentary.  I'm not sure it's going to be everyone's cup of tea, but it's certain mine, and I applaud him for it.

Captain America:  Steve Rogers #11:  Based solely on the increasing number of issues of other series connected to this one, we finally seem to be getting somewhere.  Spencer mostly manages to stick the landing as Steve walks Helmut through their "new" history.  Over the course of this conversation, Spencer invites us to start asking questions I admit hadn't dawned on me before.  (It's a good sign he's really in control of this narrative.)  After all, if Zemo doesn't remember the new history -- where he and Steve were friends at HYDRAwarts -- then did it really happen?  Did Kobik change Steve's history, or did she just change Steve's memory of his history?  On the other hand, for this new history to be true, someone had to de-age Zemo; otherwise, he would be in his 90s.  Rogers alludes to someone doing exactly that, but he never reveals who did it.  Similarly, in the new history, Arnim Zola took Dr. Erskine's place as the head of Project Rebirth.  But, does everyone else know that?  These questions are important because it calls into question Helmut's state of mind at the end of the issue.  Is he pretending to believe the new history when he embraces Steve, or does he really "remember" it?  At this point, I would guess Kobik didn't re-write everyone's history, mostly because Steve doesn't seem to have a coherent view of the new world order he believes HYDRA is going to bring.  He talks about using the Chitauri invasion to wipe away the current world, which he deems wrong.  But, we still don't know what he finds so wrong about it.  What values are guiding HYDRA that will make the world better to Steve's mind?  I don't think Steve really knows.  In other words, it seems like Kobik has just brainwashed Steve to support HYDRA and made limited changes to support this outcome.  She tweaked history a bit, like putting Zola in charge of Project:  Rebirth, de-aging Zemo for reasons we still don't understand, or creating Sinclair as her agent of change.  It seems like Zemo does remember this new history if everyone "remembers" Zola as the head of Project:  Rebirth.  Spencer makes it clear this moment of revelation may be near:  Taskmaster has found a tape of Cap saying "Hail HYDRA" (and possibly showing him shoving Jack Flag out the plane).  In other words, Spencer significantly raises the tension here, as he seems to be going the route I think we all fear:  the public becoming aware of Cap's betrayal rather than Kobik eventually "correcting" his history.  At this stage, I honestly don't know which one I'd rather.

Clone Conspiracy #5:  It's hard to believe Dan Slott wanted this event to end this way, in utter and total chaos.  OK, some of the chaos he probably wanted:  Slott generally likes not wrapping up stories neatly, like when he left it unclear if the Rhino and Silver Sable died at the end of "Ends of the Earth."  The fact we're not clear on which heroes or villains died or survived here fits with that approach.  But, once again, it's the science -- or lack thereof -- that really causes the confusion.  First, one of the New U scientists reveals they kept the original bodies of some of the people they cloned in stasis.  This part makes no sense.  First, to the extent Slott has laid out the science used to make the clones, it seemed clear Ben needed all the remains of a body to clone it.  However, here, it seems like you don't even need any of the remains, if they could keep the bodies of people they cloned in stasis.  Moreover, they allegedly did so in order to cure the people's maladies.  But, how did they "cure" Hobie?  He was shocked to death by Electro!  [Sigh.]  The science is even more unclear when it comes to why some clones survived and others died.  Slott shows the clones differing in terms of their sturdiness as they disintegrate at different rates once Ben broadcasts the signal; for example, Gwen is alive to watch her father turn to dust.  But, Slott never addresses why they would disintegrate at different rates.  Why were some clones more stable than others?  No idea.  Moreover, we have a great example of pet peeve #3.  All the resurrected "good guys" die:  Jean DeWolff, Marla Jameson, Oksana, Captain Stacy, Gwen Stacy, etc.  The only exception seems to be the Lizard's wife and son, because Curt figured out a cure, but he only had enough for the two of them.  But, all the villains seem to have lived.  Spider-Gwen mentions she saw "some" bad guys dissolve, but the only evidence of a dead bad guy we have is Otto's arms, and, since we know Ben survived (due to his new series), it seems likely Otto did, too.  Peter says (again) it's always the villains who return, but that doesn't make sense just because Peter said it.  In the end, all "Clone Conspiracy" seems to have done is resurrect virtually every Spider-Man villain since he started his career.  I'm not fundamentally against that; in fact, it's pretty cool.  But, it would've been better if Slott had done it in a careful and methodical way.  Instead, we get a cheap ret-con that destroys the reputation of a great character to accomplish it.  I wouldn't call that a win.

Deadpool #27:  I'll hand it to Marvel:  when they recommend you read this issue at the end of "Captain America:  Steve Rogers" #11, they're not kidding.  A trio of future Captain Americas arrive in the past to prevent Rogers from creating his "Secret Empire," but Cap, Agent Coulson, and Deadpool make short work of them.  However, Coulson stumbles upon Cap putting a gun in the hand of the last future Cap they killed, retroactively justifying his order for Deadpool to shoot to kill moments before.  Coulson is shaken and starts to put two and two together, from Kobik restoring Steve to his younger age to Dalton's murder leading to Maria's ouster and Steve becoming the S.H.I.E.L.D. Director.  Between that and Taskmaster's discovery at the end of "Captain America:  Steve Rogers" #11, the net is starting to tighten here.

Also Read:  Mighty Thor #16;  Poe Dameron #11; Spider-Man #13; U.S.Avengers #3

Not-Very-Deep Thoughts: The September 7 Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Batman #6:  At the end of the last issue, it retroactively seemed like this first arc was about introducing Gotham Girl as a major player.  The focus was initially on Gotham and shifting it to Gotham Girl was clever.  It was a send-up of the traditionally male-oriented focus of comics (where men's pain is the only pain that matters à la "Women in Refrigerators") as well as a re-interpretation of Bruce's origin story itself (with Claire having a more direct role in her parents' murder than Bruce did).  However, I got a little worried when King implied this next arc was essentially going to be "Gotham Girl:  Year One," with the end result being Bruce dying...again.

But, it feels like King must've read all the outraged blog posts about that prospect, because in this issue he appears to be telling us he was just kidding.  Instead, it seems the narrative that closed issue #5 was really just part of Claire's delusional state, caused by Psycho-Pirate's attack on her as well as the trauma of losing her entire family.  Bruce reveals his identity and story at the end of this issue to save her, since her one-woman war on crime means she's rapidly draining her life energy.  Although emotional, it's a weirdly anti-climactic epilogue.

King seems almost to apologize for this misdirection by setting up an even better arc:  Amanda Waller reveals the entire ordeal was Bane's fault, since he just wanted to get his hands on Psycho-Pirate.  Now, I'm not saying it makes much sense.  Waller says Strange created the disasters in Gotham to attract Psycho-Pirate without explaining why they would attract him.  (For his part, Strange apparently received a lot of venom from Bane in exchange for Psycho-Pirate.)  It's been a while since I read issue #5, but it seems King is saying Gotham and Gotham Girl just happened to become superheroes at the wrong time; Strange and Psycho-Pirate's actions never really had anything to do with them.  Unfortunately, King doesn't elaborate on why Bane needed Strange to get Psycho-Pirate.  After all, it seems like he could've been captured without Strange's elaborate plan to destroy part of Gotham to attract him.  But, regardless of how convoluted it is, it does set up Bruce's upcoming invasion of Santa Prisca, so I'm not complaining.  (Well, too much).

Justice League #4:  I have no fucking idea what's happening here.  We're got the Kindred who seem to want to end the world to save it and the Purge who want to convert humanity into cyborgs.  Maybe?  It's also unclear if the three bombs in the Earth's crust were planted by the Kindred, the Purge, or someone else.  Possibly?  Again, I really have no idea.  All anyone does is talk in riddles, like it's a Jonathan Hickman comic.

Also Read:  All-New, All-Different Avengers #14; Moon Knight #6; Nightwing #4; Poe Dameron #6; Spidey #10; 

Amazing Spider-Man #156-#160 (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Wein delivers another set of off-beat issues here, and I'm beginning to wonder if it's a good idea to have the editor also serve as the writer.

Issue #156 is fine, the sort of mad-cap caper that I expect from this era.  The Mirage just so happens to rob the wedding hall where Betty Brant and Ned Leeds are getting married.  (It's hosting several weddings at once, so it's a plum target.)  As a result, Peter has to engage in his typical disappearing act to save the day.  Eventually, the excuse that he provides here -- that he ran into another room to call the police -- becomes so overused (and unbelievable) that writers were forced to acknowledge the implausibility of everyone still buying it.  But, at this point, I guess that it's more or less believable that they're all still going with it.  (Notably, Mary Jane is getting suspicious, since Wein continues to portray her as acutely aware of Peter's absences).  The best part of the issue is probably the first few pages where Wein sets up the story.  As Peter alights on the roof of his apartment building in his Spidey costume, his drunken landlady attacks him with a broom (and worries that she killed him when she knocks him off the roof).  To make matters worse, he realizes that his milk is spoiled as he drinks it.  He also never manages to get food at the buffet table before the ceremony starts.  It's the sort of college-boy antics that had again gotten stale by the time that I started reading "Amazing Spider-Man" in the mid-80s, but they feel fresh here, since they legitimately represent Peter on his own for the first time.  Also, the most important panel is easily overlooked:  on page 18, Harry tries to save Liz from Mirage stealing her purse.  She'll later approach him in issue #157 to thank him, beginning their relationship.  The only real downside to this issue is that I did raise an eyebrow at the idea that Peter and Mary Jane serving as the best man and maid of honor at the wedding.  Ned has no other male friends than the first love of his soon-to-be wife?  Betty has no other female friends than the current girlfriend of her first love?  Really?

But, it's the three-part Dr. Octopus story in issues #157-#159 that stakes out new territory in oddness.  We learn that the mysterious homeless man that we've seen a few times over the previous issues is actually Dr. Octopus.  He appears on May's doorstep for help, and he's still there when Peter arrives.  Honestly, I had no idea that May and Ock had a relationship so soon in the series.  I expected it to be much later in the 100s.  But, a relationship they had, and Otto tells us what happened after he left May at the altar.  Apparently, it was Hammerhead that caused him to flee the ceremony to a "uranium-rich Canadian island" that May had apparently inherited.  (No, really.  I assume that this tidbit was better explained during the original story.)  Hammerhead followed him there and, in the scuffle, caused a nuclear explosion that only Otto survived.  However, he claims that it also turned Hammerhead into a ghost, and he's been haunting Otto (again, really) ever since.  We learn that Otto isn't crazy when Hammerhead appears in May's living room.  Otto flees with May, starting a three-issue battle with Spider-Man over which one of them is going to save her.

(Seriously.  For reasons that don't really make sense to me, Peter doesn't trust Otto with May.  He acts as if Otto is going to kill her, something that he clearly has no intention of doing.  Maybe Peter is just young and overly emotional?)

Eventually, Hammerhead manipulates Otto into returning him to his body.  (Apparently, Hammerhead wasn't "killed" so much as he was "out of phase" or some such nonsense.  Seriously, Wein puts no real effort into explaining it.  He also puts no effort into explaining how Hammerhead -- not the sharpest tool in the shed -- knew better than Otto that the device that he created to kill Hammerhead once and for all would actually resurrect him.  But, I digress.)  However, Hammerhead's resurrection doesn't last long.  Corporeal again, he swipes Aunt May and escapes, forcing Peter and Otto to join forces to find them.  They do, and Otto eventually downs Hammerhead's helicopter as he (again) tries to escape, allegedly killing him (again).

Honestly, it's just strange.  As the next issue confirms, this arc starts a pattern of Wein using science as a deus ex machina, putting little effort into explaining major drivers of plots.  Moreover, Aunt May seems to be perpetually near-death.  She was in the hospital for issues #144-#146, and she's unconscious for the better part of issues #157-#159.  She's essentially the original woman in a refrigerator.  It makes you really appreciate how great it is that "Brand New Day" made her less frail.  (Look, I said something nice about "Brand New Day!")

All that said, it all somehow gets even weirder in issue #160.  Spidey encounters the henchmen from issues #153-#154 again, this time robbing furs.  While he fights them, the Spider-Mobile reappears and attacks him.  (The disappearance of the Spider-Mobile from where he previously crashed it into the Hudson River has been a sub-plot for the last few issues.)  It's unclear to me if the henchmen were working for the Tinkerer, the guy that we later learn sent the Spider-Mobile after Spidey in the first place, or if the Tinkerer just happens to attack at the same time as Spidey's fighting the henchmen.  (At this point, I don't expect us to ever learn anything about these guys.)  Peter barely manages to escape the Spider-Mobile in his first encounter with it, because some sort of gas robs him of both his Spider-Powers and the use of his Web-Shooters.  In a second encounter, the Spider-Mobile eventually webs up Spidey and delivers him to the Tinkerer.  The Tinkerer (besides revealing that his alien bit from issue #2 was a ruse) exposits that the gas clogged Peter's pores, denying him his Spider-Powers.  (I have no idea how it also clogged his Web-Shooters, because Wein doesn't even attempt to explain it. Again, it's "SCIENCE!")  The Tinkerer is apparently supposed to deliver Spidey to his mysterious employer, but Spidey manages to escape.  He later delivers the Spider-Mobile to the PR company that conned him into creating it in the first place, after they had previously threatened to sue him if he didn't return it.

Honestly, it just makes no sense.  Wein is using it as part of this larger story that he's apparently telling involving the henchmen, but it just seems bizarre that he chose the Spider-Mobile as this issue's action-forcing event.  Moreover, seven issues after the henchmen's first appearance, I still have no idea who employs them or what his/her goal is.  At this point, assuming that it's the same employer, s/he wanted the missing piece to the WHO, the industrial freeze-ray, some furs (I think), and Spider-Man.  It's an eclectic mix, to say the least.

Despite the just downright bizarreness of these issues, Wein does include some decent small moments.  Glory brings over a cake to Peter's apartment in issue #158, and she meets Mary Jane, who amazingly doesn't have a conniption fit over a woman being in Peter's apartment.  (We're also treated to Peter in his tighty-whities as he puts on his costume under his street clothes in his bedroom.  Speaking of a naked Peter, I should also note a glitch in issue #157 where his Spidey pants are flesh-colored, making it look like he's flashing his ass at us.  It makes you realize how important colorists are, since the spandex crowd are essentially naked all the time.)  Moreover, JJJ, Jr. is going through secretaries like Kleenex now that Betty has moved to Paris with Ned; he fires his third one in issue #160.  (Betty made that announcement at the end of the wedding issue that they were moving to Paris, though, honestly, I don't recall it being mentioned since I started reading this era, with issue #144.)  All these moments definitely leave you feeling like you've got a good insight into Peter's life.  In fact, I'm starting to think that it's why it's so easy to feel connected to characters of this era and not of the modern one.  The authors took the time to let us into the characters' lives, and I just feel like we don't get that anymore.  I can't remember the last time (outside maybe "Batgirl") that I saw people gathered in a character's apartment or home.  I mean, where does Sam Wilson even live?

Finally, I will say that Wein does a marvelous job keeping plots on a slow burn (even if, when they come to a boil, they make little sense).  For example, the Spider-Mobile sub-plot appeared in several issues before it came to a resolution in this issue, similar to Otto's initial appearances as a haunted homeless man.  In issue #160, we've got JJJ, Jr. receiving a mysterious package of photos that'll apparently ruin Spider-Man.  This effort to preview coming conflicts again leaves you feeling like you're involved in Peter's life, since we're not just seeing conflicts randomly burst onto the stage.

Now, if we could only just have the plots make a little more sense, I'd be a happy camper.

Superior Spider-Man Team-Up #11 (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Man, this issue is awful.  I had pretty high hopes for it, to be honest.  I expected, at some point, Marvel would add some fuel to "Norman" and Otto's conflict in the present by revealing some sort of past rivalry, and "Superior Spider-Man Team-Up" gave them such a great opportunity to do that.  Moreover, sending Otto to Europe during Norman's self-imposed exile made sense, since the secrecy surrounding that time period obviously gives it that "lost tales" kind of feel (and explains why Peter -- and we, the reader -- wouldn't have been privy to these events).  However, Shinick takes it weird places.

First, I feel like Shinick missed the chance for a pretty great ret-con.  Norman revealed himself to be alive at the end of the Clone Saga, something that he (allegedly) orchestrated.  I had hoped that Shinick was going to reveal that Otto helped Norman control those events, an assault on Peter that would remind us that Otto really was a villain and not simply the misunderstood misfit that Slott seems to want us to believe that he was.  In other words, given Peter developing an appreciation for Otto and his sacrifice at the end of "Superior Spider-Man" #30, it would've been nice to see just how deeply villainous Otto could be by showing him playing a role in the Clone Saga.  But, instead, we get the Octo-Goblin.  I mean, WTF?

Moreover, I'm still not 100% sure why Norman and Otto were waiting to reveal their partnership.  I get that Norman waited until the end of the Clone Sage -- when he had inflicted the maximum damage on Peter -- to reveal himself.  But, if we're not talking about the Clone Saga time period, then why wait?

Also, I get Otto lamenting Norman's crazy, but Shinick seems to forget that Otto himself is also crazy.  One of the side effects of the accident that gave him his powers was to turn him to a life of crime.  He may not be as stark raving mad as the Goblin, but, as Shinick himself shows when Otto automatically attacks the Goblin when he reached for a button on his phone, he's at the very least tightly wound.  All his protestations to the contrary don't really make a lot of sense, since even Otto is aware, on some level, that he's a few cards short of a deck.

But, more than anything else, it's the "Women in Refrigerators" moment that made me just want to throw the book across the room.  Norman and Otto have some sort of odd bro-talk about their ex loves, and Norman decides to prove his point, that the soul matters more than science, by tracking down Otto's ex-fiancée to inflict the same pain on Otto than Norman felt when his wife died.  But, he doesn't only have her car run off the road; he then injects her with a deadly virus.  I mean, I get that we're supposed to buy him as a crazy lunatic, but, Jesus, Shinick doesn't get points for subtlety on this one.

A Note on Miguel:  Miguel appears briefly here, as a hostage of the Spider-Slayers (with Spidey) as seen in "Superior Spider-Man" #30.

* (one of five stars)