Eleven-Month-Old Comics: The February 1 Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

It's been a few months - OK, almost a year - but am I going to give it the old college try and attempt to get through my backlog?  Yes, I am!

Captain America:  Sentinel of Liberty #9:  Honestly, I'm not entirely sure what happens here.  I think Captain America and his new Invaders' attempt to free Manhattan from A.I.M.'s control is all part of a simulation that M.O.D.O.C. created to keep them busy for...reasons?  I think?  Complicating matters, someone attacked M.O.D.O.K. during an interlude, but I'm not sure what conclusion we're supposed to draw from the attack.  It maybe turned him into M.O.D.O.C.?  Maybe?  Oof, this issue.

Dark Web Finale #1:  I don't even know what to say here.  This entire event was so utterly ridiculous that it seems equally ridiculous to try to recap it.  It's my job, though, so I'll try.

Madelyne opens Limbo's embassy to the United States in New York to show the people in the dark that they're also in the light.  (We're really pushing the "bad guys are just misunderstood good guys" schtick beyond the point of reasonable disbelief here.)  She also decides to keep Ben in prison in Limbo (something all good guys would totally do).  Of all the possible outcomes for Ben, "locked in prison in Limbo" is the lowest on my preferred list.  I'd almost rather him dead.

Of my many complaints about this "event," the central one is the fact that Wells seems to have created a solution to Ben's problem that no one ever suggested.  I don't see why Jean could've shared Peter's memories with Ben the way she did with Madelyne. Before this event, Wells implied that Peter would lose his memories if he shared them with Ben (though Wells never really fleshed out that premise).  As such, Jean's abilities resolve that problem (if it was indeed a problem).  

But, again, no one even suggests that course of action.  It isn't like someone did suggest it and Peter refused because he wouldn't be special if he shared his memories with Ben.  That would've at least given us an interesting moral quandary, since Peter would definitely be the asshole in that situation.  But, again, we never even get there.

In other words, given that Ben's lack of Peter's (good) memories is allegedly what drives Chasm's darkness, he seems a pretty problem to solve with Jean's help.  (He isn't Maria.)  

To make matters worse, Peter constantly harangues Ben for his anger that he isn't really a person, as if he should just get over it.  Does Peter forget the "Shrieking" arc, where he decided that he'd never be Peter Parker again given the pain he felt losing his parents during "Lifetheft?"  Again, even if Peter isn't the asshole (in the sense that he's unaware he could use Jean's powers to solve the problem), he is here.

I could continue but I won't.  It's all a fucking mess.

Minor Threats #4:  Holy fucking shit, this issue is amazing and intense.

Patton and Blum do a phenomenal job of keeping the gang ridiculous but the story serious all at once.  I really had no idea where the story was going page to page.  

More than anything, though, it's Pigeon's narration that makes this issue, as it really amps up the emotional punch of his eventual heel turn.  

In a flashback, Pigeon breaks into a museum to steal Fabergé eggs only to find a scalped security guard with one of the eggs implanted in his exposed brain.  His horror at the scene reminds me of Riddler's iconic line from "Secret Origins Special" #1:  "Joker is killing people, for God's sake."

Returning to the present, Pigeon explicates Stickman's goals for us.  First, he decided that his relationship with Insomniac had gotten too complicated.  He wanted to go back to basics; by killing Kid Dusk, he discarded the "child-endangerment thing."  Next, Stickman set the trap at the Trophy Room to trim Insomniac's rogues' gallery.  Now, he implants bombs in the team's brainstems and sends them, via his sidekick Sideswipe, to the Dream Cave with enough C-4 to destroy it.  To Stickman's mind, he'll make Insomniac "fun again" by breaking all his toys.  Ho boy.  Not many people are playing with full decks in Twilight City.

But the team's paranoia about the traitor amongst them gets the better of them; as Stickman listens via the microphones he fitted on them, they kill each other.  After Stickman arrives, a toy distracts Sideswipe, and his portal closes while he's halfway through it, killing him.

Of course, it turns out the gang isn't dead.  That said, man, the guys had me going there for a while.  I noticed the various tanks full of fish when the gang arrived in the Dream Cave, and apparently Scalpel did as well.  Once Playtime used her powers to send in nano-sized Army soldiers to remove the bombs from their brains, Scalpel used the puffer fish's tetrodotoxin to simulate their deaths.  

Confronting Stickman, Brain Tease claims that he saw through Stickman's "ruse" about a traitor amongst them, but he's proven wrong yet again when Pigeon holds a gun behind Playtime's head.

Via another flashback, Pigeon explains that he feared not just a future that involved this new level of brutality but also that he had no role in it.  Throwing in his lot with Stickman, Pigeon decided he might escape irrelevance.  (The scene where someone sends him a drink in a lonely diner on Christmas Eve is devastating.)  

As Stickman starts attacking the gang, Pigeon begins to realize his mistake and recalls how he had no one and nothing, but putting on the mask made him somebody.  He aches for the days when "the Code" meant something and the supervillains were all thick as thieves.  To save Frankie, he drives the Dreammobile (or whatever it's called) into Stickman.  Stickman tries to kill Pigeon as he reaches through the broken windshield, but Frankie uses his hammer to kill him.

With Stickman dead, a terrified Frankie tries to find a way to escape the Dream Cave.  But Insomniac arrives, and he's fucking nuts.  He's furious they took away killing Stickman from him and attacks Frankie.  Snake Stomper saves her, telling Insomniac that his punch is for Diego Salas before Insomniac kills him, another devastating moment in this issue.  Insomniac moves to take out Frankie, but she sees Toy Queen's jack-in-the-box gun in one of Insomniac's shattered trophy cases and uses it to decapitate him.  Never has a murder felt more just, I have to say.

In a news report, we watch as the cops lead Brian Tease to prison for the murders, and he seems thrilled.  Toy Queen wakes from a nap to find the blood-splattered gun where it belonged in her trophy case, realizing (also with joy) that Frankie killed Insomniac.

Frankie goes to Pigeon's hospital room and tells him that the Continuum agreed to leave Redport if she agreed to keep Insomniac's murder quiet.  To his horror, she then exiles him from Twilight City.  We later see Frankie with her daughter, so it's clear that the Continuum also cleared Frankie's name.  (Frankie's daughter apparently made a terrifying toy pony at daycare, so that's fun.)

Later that night, Frankie enters the bar where it all began.  Based on the respectful (and fearful) looks she gets, everyone knows that she killed Insomniac and Stickman.  Someone hands her usual ("Chilled it eight minutes like you said."), and she passes a shrine to Snake Stomper to the backroom.  There, Scalpel has a superhero tied to a chair, and he starts to rant about the Continuum.  Frankie holds a gun to his head and tells him to send a message that superheros aren't welcome in Redport.  He asks what the message is, and she says, "You are."

In other words, it's all just fucking amazing.  Unlike the tonal mess that is Wells' "Amazing Spider-Man," Oswalt and Blum really manage to combine drama and humor in a wonderful blend, so you never really know what to expect panel to panel.  I cannot recommend this series enough.

Moon Knight #20:  This issue is solid.  

Someone - "the Ghost in the Telephone" - brainwashed a pair of two-bit goons who 8 Ball identifies as the Harlequin Hit Men and had them kill Marc's five of the 12 members of Marc's former "Shadow Cabinet."  Hilariously, Marc dismisses the Hit Men as D-List villains given that 8 Ball called them "a couple of jokes" and they once fought Speedball.  But Marc isn't likely to take their murder spree lightly.

The back-up story is possibly the best part.  We learn that Marc's predecessor once helped Blade, so he's willing to do Marc a favor and teach Reece how to be a vampire.  I wouldn't have put two and two together there, but I'm thrilled McKay did because it's a great pairing.  Reece showed her worth in the main story as Marc's "woman in the chair," keeping him focused and using Jake to identify the route the Hit Men were taking so he could stop them.  Under Blade's guidance, she'll be a kick-ass vampire.

Star Wars:  Sana Starros #1:  Sana has two dads!  As a gay man raising a kick-ass daughter, I have to say that I love the idea that my little girl could one day maim and murder her way across the galaxy with the flare and grumpiness of Sana Starros.  (We also learn that Sana has an estranged twin brother, Phel.)

The issue begins with Sana realizing that she needs a break after apparently ending her relationship with Aphra.  As such, she comes to her grandmother's house, where her grandmother, Grammy Thea, informs us that she always comes home after a break-up.

Of course, it turns out Sana isn't the only one who makes questionable romantic decisions in the Starros family.  Her cousin, Aryssha, is pregnant with twins whose father is an Imperial officer, Captain Cerasus Ehllo, who storms Sana's grandmother house to find Aryssha.  It turns out Aryssha wanted to give birth at her ancestral home, but Ehllo wants her to give birth on his ship.  He takes her with him and then orders his troopers to kill Aryssha's mother, Mevera, and Grammy Thea.

Of course, Sana saves them...except they pretty much save themselves.  They take her to the armory, underscoring that Sana isn't the only, um, "capable" woman in the family.  It also turns out Ehllo taking Aryssha is part of the family's plan to steal back a family heirloom.  As Sana says, you can see why she doesn't visit often.  So much for her vacation.

Six-Month-Old Comics: The January 25 Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Amazing Spider-Man #18:  OMG, this issue is really one of the worst comics I've ever read.  I just don't know what I can say at this point.  

Instead of Madelyne suggesting to Jean that she facilitate Peter sharing his memories with Ben in a way that won't compromise said memories (like Jean did for Madelyne in "Dark Web:  X-Men" #3), Madelyne just cuts Ben loose and sides with the X-Men.  Oof.

Of course, that said, I *think* Peter's objection to sharing his memories with Ben was that it would cause him to loose said memories, but I don't actually know at this point.  

It all just sucks.  Honestly, I can't believe I'm going to say what I'm going to say, but I'm considering not reading this series anymore.

Dragon Age:  The Missing #1:  This series finally puts aside the increasingly confusing Wraith-related stories and brings back Varic as he and Harding search for Solas.  

Following rumors that Solas is hiding in the Deep Roads, Varic and Harding bump into a pair of Grey Wardens investigating disappearances that started after excavations broke into the Roads.

After helping the Wardens take out the Darkspawn behind the abductions, Varic and Harding find Solas' lair and an invitation to "call upon the Lady Crysanthus" in Vyrantium, where they head next.

I don't have much else to say at this point, other than I'm interested to see where we go.

Justice Society of America #2:  This series isn't going to be everyone's cup of tea, and given all the time travel I'd normally put myself in that camp.  But something about Helena leaving the infirmary and walking into the spectacular hotness (and chest hair) of the assembled Society is thrilling to me.  Of course, as I said, it involves time travel, so it's hard to follow at the best of times.

Helena awakens in 1940 and tells the Society that she's from a future where someone murders her Society.  Helena exposits that she recognized the someone as "a man I've seen on the edges of my perisperhal visions since I was ten."  Dr. Fate attempts to peer into her timeline to share her experiences with the group but the same "someone" transports his consciousness into his future 1941 where he and his protégée, Salem the Witch Girl, are trying to find Mister Miracle to free her from her curse.  Instead, they find him fighting Solomon Grundy, though Fate's consciousness is snapped back to 1940 again.

In the present, Catwoman fights the "someone" whom she recognizes as "Degaton," who Wikipedia tells me is an old-school Society enemy.  He refers to "Snow Globe" turning Helena into a "blind spot," which makes no particular sense now but likely will later.  He also exposits that he needs to kill all the Society members for "the ritual" to work, so he clearly needs to track down Helena.  

Anyway, he kills Selina, which Helena can somehow see.  But she's again somehow transfered through time again (with Dr. Fate's symbols in her eyes) and awakens in another alley, this time at Khalid's feet though he doesn't recognize her.  He's joined by Deadman and Detective Chimp.

In other words, it's a lot.  But I'm down with seeing where we go from here if we get more shots of Jay Garrick's eyes.

Sins of Sinister #1:  I stopped reading "Immortal X-Men" with issue #6, but this issue recaps the relevant developments that I assume happened in issues #7-#10:  namely, Sinister compromises the Krakoan DNA database so that every resurrected mutant is secretly subservient to him.  He begins with Charles, Emma, Exodus, and Hope.  

Sinister isn't an idiot, though, so he has the Council put him in the Pit while his pawns carry out his plan:  namely, Krakoa offers humans an X-Gene to get them in the resurrection queue.  Of course, it's a Trojan Horse that will enable Sinister to take over the planet.  Clever, that Sinister.

Thanks to an interstitial page, we learn his ultimate plan is to use Earth's population and the Moira Engine to achieve Dominion status before "hyper-A.I.s" take over the planet.

As he takes over the mutants, he has Sinister-Forge launch an attack from space that fries Krakoa's brain, allowing the mutants to claim to the public that all non-mutant backups were lost.  It therefore encourages more humans to get the X-Gene, accelerating Sinister's takeover.  

We then get a series of splash pages that details the next ten years of Sinister taking out his enemies, like corrupting the Avengers through the X-Gene.  Storm is the only person who eludes capture after she guess something was amiss in the Council and worked out a deal with Lactuca to make sure Sinister couldn't control her.

But it all goes to hell when Sinister discovers someone has stolen his lab and his Moiras.  Ruh-roh.

Over all, it's a solid introduction to this event.  Gillen expertly weaves his story through the X-Men recent status quo, making for a story that feels like it was Hickman's intent from the start.  We'll see where we go from here.

Star Wars:  Yoda #3:  My issue with Yoda has always been that he's so wise yet missed the fact that he was sitting next to Darth Sidious for years.  He also oversaw a system that treated young children as little more than soldiers for present and future wars.  This issue underscores that he didn't just treat Force-sensitive children that way.  Equal opportunity assholery!

Although Bree's murder of Riak last issue ensures the Scalvi's safety for years, Yoda's abrupt departure leaves Bree a broken shell of a person.  As an adult, Bree has never gotten over Yoda's abandonment despite the Scalvi treating him as a hero.  Yoda returns just in time for Bree's nephew to kidnap the Crulkon leader's daughter.  Bree listens to the girl as she informs him that Turrak's oceans are devoid of life, and he realizes that the Crulkon are, and always have been, starving.  He opens the Scalvis' gates to the Crulkon, which is obviously the outcome Yoda wanted.

But you have to wonder if it had to happen this way.  Yoda admits that he allowed the Crulkon to kidnap him to test Bree, and Bree of course failed when he killed Riak.  But Yoda simply abandoned him to his failure.  It seems possible that Bree could've become the sort of man to see the Crulkon's suffering without taking a life or spending years wondering why he failed Yoda.

A hero, I'm not sure Yoda is.

Also Read:  X-Terminators #5

Six-Month-Old Comics: The January 18 Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Dark Web:  X-Men #3:  This issue is terrible as it nullifies the entire point of this event.  When Jean realizes that Madelyne is after her memories of Nathan, she simply gives them to her, raising the question why Madelyne hadn't just asked her for them earlier.  Now, the only question hanging over this event, to my mind, is whether Jean can do the same thing for Ben.  Even if she does, this event feels like it could've been handled as an annual's back-up story.  What a joke.

Star Wars:  Bounty Hunters #30:  Now we're getting somewhere.

Valance defects from the Empire after Tonga tells him that Cadeliah is with Crimson Dawn and Yura is dead.  Valance realizes that Vader and, to a lesser extent, Haydenn played him this entire time.  He uses the thermonuclear detonators that the supply ship was actually transporting to Bestine - notably not the alleged "food" for the people living outside the Imperial base - to destroy said base.  He explains to T'onga the attack was simply bait for Vader, who arrives at the issue's end.

Sacks doesn't have a lot of time to dwell on the emotions, but he doesn't miss the chance to do so.  He includes a flashback to Bossk, T'onga, and Valance's time on Nakano Lash's crew when Nakano tells them that their successes come from the fact that they're family.  T'onga reminds a devastated Valance of this conversation in an attempt to comfort him.  But Valance works out his feeling through taking out Imps, a reminder of how Tonga's offer of humanity is unlikely to get Valance to see his.

Star Wars:  Han Solo and Chewbacca #9:  This issue gets the whole gang together again.

Han brings the urn to Nar Shaddaa after he, Chewie, and Phaedra discover it doesn't contain ashes but an orb.  Lando's contact, an Ugnaught Sava, informs Han that it's actually the neural core of a droid named Ajax Sigma who led a droid rebellion two centuries ago.  

Of course, one of Khel Tanna's contacts tipped off Tanna that Han was on Nar Shaada and, of course again, Corbus Tyra bugged Tanna's communicator so he passed on this information to Marshall Vancto.  As such, everyone converges on the Sava's office.  The trio escapes only for Chewie to go after Marshall Vancto for shooting him in the back and Han and Phaedra encountering a blastered-up Tyra in the Falcon.  

As Han explains to Phaedra, it's all a pretty good example of his luck.

Six-Month-Old Comics: The January 11 Edition - Part 2 (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Mary Jane & Black Cat #2:  Now that this series doesn't have anything to do with Dark Web, it's much better.

Belasco explains to Felicia and Mary Jane that, when Madelyne connected Limbo to Earth, she created "arcane vibrations" that rendered the spell phasing the Screaming Tower outside reality vulnerable.  Belsaco destroyed the spell, and he wants Felicia and Mary Jane to beat out all the other thieves trying to swipe his Soulsword from the Tower so he can rule Limbo.  I'm not entirely sure why he chose this pair but, given the nonsense we've seen in Spidey books lately, I'm good with the ambiguity.

We also get a hint that Mary Jane and Peter were gone longer than the six months everyone on Earth thought they were gone, but I've given up hope we'll ever fully understand that story.

Star Wars:  Darth Vader #30:  I've said it a lot, and I'll say it again:  I still don't understand this arc.  

Soule reveals that Rabé infiltrated the Executor at the same time as Dormé.  While Dormé distracted Vader, Rabé hacked into the Executor's systems and discovered Sabé was on Brentaal IV.  When Vader takes Dormé with him en route to Fentalle, for reasons Soule doesn't make clear, the Handmaidens attack.  They threaten to blow up the Executor with a code Eirtaé wrote based on information Dormé and Rabé pulled from its system.  But it's an easy bluff for Vader to call.

Meanwhile, it turns out Sabé only wounded Jul Tambor, since she knew that Vader would've killed all his allies if he insisted on destroying the Imperial garrison on Skako Minor.  Tambor reveals that he's been buying up droids that Vader killed to analyze his movements (using their last memories).  As the Handmaidens struggle with Vader calling their bluff, Tambor contacts Vader to tell him that he has Sabé.  The Handmaidens agree to accompany Vader to retrieve her.

To a certain extent, I get all the Handmaidens' motives.  Sabé is using her influence to save as many people as she can, and the remaining Handmaidens are just trying to save Sabé.  But I still don't understand why Vader is entertaining this nonsense.  Is it really worth his time to toy with them?  Soule has gone to great lengths to show that Anakin is gone, so I don't think we're supposed to believe that he's in love with them.

[Sigh.]  I hope one day this story ends.

Wild C.A.Ts #3:  Rosenberg makes it clear here that these series isn't going to win any awards for narrative complexity, and I'm OK with that.  

Grifter immediately gets into a fight with Pike, one of the Seven Soldiers of Victory who worked with him on Team 6, when Grifter was known as Deadeye.  Marlowe suspends Cole for the fracas, but he's unsuspended when Deathblow, Fairchild, and Zealot need help saving Damon Walsh, the son of Dante Walsh,"the Ambassador."  Apparently some group kidnapped Damon to prevent the United States from getting involved in their country's internal affairs, but Voodoo reveals to the team that Damon's death would end the world.  Voodoo seems to direct the team's missions based on her visions.

At the time the team call him for help, Cole was visiting a rich guy named Jason Halliday because Cole somehow found out Halliday was a member of the Court of Owls.  (Halliday was shirtless when Cole awakened him in bed, but he's wearing a shirt when Cole is hanging him out a window, and I like to think Cole made him put on the shirt just to do that.)  I still don't get why Cole is so obsessed with the Court, but Rosenberg is a good writer so I assume we'll get there.

X-Men #18:  This issue is a mess.  The art is rushed, with everyone looking more like sketches than characters.  Moreover, Laura, Sr. confronts Laura, Jr. as if it's her fault that they're both alive.  Duggan also weirdly ties this issue to the "X-Terminators" series, meaning the Lauras have this conversation while fighting vampires.  Also Beast apparently thinks that Laura's discovery is overly convenient, which Jean dismisses since she and Synch both verified her identity. It's supposedly showing how dark Beast's heart has gotten, but we all know that he's going to turn out being correct.  Also, Jean and Scott save some Orchis workers from an exploding space station?  As I said, it's a mess.

Also Read:  Moon Knight #19

Six-Month-Old Comics: The January 11 Edition - Part 1 (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Amazing Spider-Man #17:  OMG, this issue is awful.

On the plus side, the art is great:  McGuiness should draw Limbo demons full-time.  

Unfortunately, the issue also has words.

Ben decides to get Peter to eat the apple by casting him, JJJ, Jr., and Robbie in a work-place comedy set at The Bugle with the demons as the other employees.  I'm not kidding.  I'm not saying it isn't funny, but it goes to this event's  - and series' - main problem, the fact Wells can't decide if it's funny or serious.  

In a great example of that problem and pet peeve #3, Madelyne expresses concern that Ben isn't taking their plans seriously enough.  If he really wants Peter to eat the apple, why not just threaten all his loved ones with death?  But I'm not giving Wells credit for Madelyne pointing out his flaws.

In other words, Wells doesn't really explain why Ben is playing with his food here, and the story suffers for it.

Black Cloak #1:  Holy fucking shit, this issue is the best issue of a comic I've read in a really long time.  

McClaren and Thompson employ restraint to create a totally immersive experience.  McClaren's limited line strokes creates a fully realized reality, and Thompson's equally sparse script underscores the tension between the characters as they're reluctant to say what they feel.

You need to buy this comic now.

The issue's opening text informs us that Kiros is the known world's last city due to a cataclysmic war that happened hundreds of years ago.  The heroes defeated the great evil, but something is rotten in the state of Kiros.  As the unnamed narrator says, it "turns out beings get along better when there's a great evil to be vanquished."

The action begins when a mermaid crawls onto the beach at the Lagoon, spits up some black-looking liquid, and then collapses on the beach.  A group of screeching mermaids stare at her from the water and then throw a dead body next to her before departing.

On Merchant Row, a satyr named Vaissac attacks a black-cloaked elf.  She punches him, as she apparently does every week.  She tells him that they could either get along or ignore each other.  He tells her that he'll never be "good neighbors" with a "fucking Black Cloak." As the elf enters Coffee, Curios & Curiosities, demonic-looking rats attack Vaissac, and the elf uses her...magic gun? to scare them into fleeing.

The elf is Detective Phaedra Essex.  The store's proprietor, Laurel, shows her the prototype of a robotic taka (a cat-like creature) that she bought.  Phaedra is appalled because she was raised with a real taka before they went extinct.  Phaedra then gets a call and heads to the Salty Crow in the Narrows.

A the Crow, a (sexy as fuck) elf with a gold-flecked chest wound is lying naked on a bed.  A pair of cops are on the scene with a detective, and one of the cops, Clem, tells the detective, Pax, that the elf's tattoos use royal ink.  Pax asks Clem if he "netted" the room, and Clem responds that someone named Nina had done so.  Nina apparently didn't have her "soulprint" on her, though so she wasn't able to identify the elf.  Pax has his soulprint on him, but before he can scan the body a photographer appears in the doorway.  Pax tells the other cop, Benny, to control the crime scene and "get that capture."  Pax puts a set of goggles (I assume the soulprint) on the body, but they don't work.

Phaedra enters and identifies the elf as Freyal III of Sidra, the heir to the throne and Phaedra's fiancé at some point.  Pax suddenly yells, "The capture!" and manifests wings before leaping out the window.  Phaedra sends Clem after Pax and spends a moment with Freyal's body, showing a matching tattoo and telling him quietly how much she missed him.

Pax returns and tells Phaedra that Clem has "the capture" and is taking him to the station, though I still don't know what "the capture" is or how or why it escaped.  Pax and Phaedra then discuss how the murderer clearly used a dracona dagger due to the gold-flecked wound.  Phaedra tells Pax that she and Freyal were raised together and were best friends though she hadn't seen him in years.

They discuss how the Crow is a "glorified flophouse above a bar known for prostitution."  They go to the bar to interrogate the bartender, and this scene is a marvelous fantasy version of the Mos Eisley cantina.  Apparently an elf girl named Dace rented the room for the last three cycles, and the bartender confirmed she was with Freyal when he first rented the room to her.  Upon leaving the bar, Phaedra calls someone and asks them to pull out the mermaid the Crow was keeping in a tank.  (She mentions she saw tail rot.  Oof.)

At HQ, the captain exposits that Phaedra is exiled from the elven realms.  The conversation is interrupted when she and Pax are sent to the Lagoon because Nida has identified the dead woman as Dace.  Disturbingly, Phaedra asks why the mermaids didn't eat her, cueing up the enormous chunk of flesh missing from her back.  

Nida (who's a bat-like humanoid) opens the mouth of the dead mermaid next to Dace, causing Pax to panic.  Nida notes the mermaid is dead, but Pax's panic at Nida even touching the body makes you realize we're not dealing with Ariel here.  Nida notes a bit of flesh in the dead mermaid's teeth and the nearby bile, and Phaedra realizes that someone used a strong enough poison on Dace that it can kill a mermaid in one bite.  Based on their interactions, Nida and Phaedra are in a relationship, and they're adorable.

Before Phaedra leaves, Nida tells Phaedra that she's worried about Phaedra seeing her family because of the "old laws."  Phaedra stresses that the Black Cloak "should" protect her, and Nida notes that "should" is a "fucked-up word."  Pax and Phaedra discuss how you usually dump bodies in the Lagoon hoping the mermaids eat them, but the murderer may not have known that someone had already poisoned Dace.  So we may have two people trying to murder her?  

Pax interviews a nearby guard, Jakel, who tells Pax that he wasn't working the previous night.  (Throughout the issue, we see the security surrounding the Lagoon to keep out trespassers.)  Pax asks Jakel to turn down his music, which Jakel suggests is a bad idea.  When Pax insists, he does, and the mermaids immediately start screeching.  Pax allows Jakel to turn on the music again, and, on my second reading, I realized everyone near the water is wearing headphones.  

Jakel tells Pax that someone named Edgar was working the previous night.  He exposits that the guards are under constant surveillance so Edgar wouldn't likely have let someone into the Lagoon for fear of getting fired.  Jakel says that they only way to enter is through a gap where the cliff meets the wall, though it's usually sealed.

On Lookout Point, Phaedra notes that anyone up there could see the whole Lagoon.  She interviews four hooligans and tells them that someone killed a mermaid.  One of the hooligans quips that mermaids kill people, and Phaedra responds that it matters when they all kill each other.  She tells the hooligan who seemed the most cooperative that she might have something to pay in exchange for information, but one of the other hooligans tells her that they're not "wraiths" and don't work with Black Cloaks.  HQ calls Phaedra and tells her that she's clear to go to Castle Kiros.  She leaves while Pax stays at the Lagoon to investigate.

At the castle gates, Phaedra remembers playing with Freyal and the taka, Mister Starlight.  They're using a dracona dagger to cut a "very powerful tree," and we learn dracona daggers have dragon blood in them.  Before she can enter the castle grounds, someone knocks Phaedra unconscious.

In the Queen's private chambers, the Queen apolgizes for the "misunderstanding," and Phaedra comments that someone people have trouble letting go of the old rules.  The Queen notes that Phaedra's black cloak likely precipitated the attack, again making it clear that Black Cloaks aren't welcome.  Phaedra disagrees, saying she believes that it was her brother Hadrian.  

The Queen tells Phaedra she's called for a healer and asks how Freyal died.  Phaedra says that they don't yet know but she asked to see her in the hope that she'd hear about Freyal's death from her and not a stranger.  The Queen archly asks if Phaedra isn't a stranger, because she hasn't seen her in 20 years, and Phaedra parries that her exile wasn't her choice.

The healer, Valorie, enters.  Before the Queen can leave, she asks Phaedra if it occurred to her that Freyal would be alive if Phaedra hadn't been exiled.  (It's an interesting use of the passive voice, there, since the Queen presumably exiled her.  Guilt, your majesty?)  Freyal and Phaedra would've been married, and she'd perhaps have a grandchild "instead of...nothing."  Phaedra tells that it weights heavily on her that three lives were lost, and the Queen is surprised to hear about Dace and the mermaid.  (I'm guessing Phaedra was fishing to see if the Queen recognized Dace's name.)  

The Queen leaves, and Phaedra and Valorie enthusiastically greet each other.  Valorie suggests removing Phaedra's cloak to heal the wound, but Phaedra panics, making it clear the cloak isn't just a cloak.  Valorie heals Phaedra, who says that she feels 20 years younger.  A guard then arrives to escort Phaedra to the Silver Gate.  In the halls, Phaedra sees her mother, but her brother arrives to drag her mother from that "traitorous trash."  Phaedra tells that guard that she knows how to leave, and the guard threatens that her cloak doesn't protect her as much as she thinks it does.

Pax meets her at the gate, and they take an elevator down to the Heights. Pax marvels at the view, and Phaedra tells him that it's a lie curated for royalty.  She notes the elevator doesn't go below the Heights, which means the royals don't even see half of Kiros.  She comments darkly on the forces that don't want the nobility to see the reality that exists in that other half.  

The captain calls them back to HQ, where they encounter more demonic rats, which are apparently called wraiths (explaining the hooligan's comment, since wraith are this world's rats).  At the Department, it's chaos because all sorts of people have arrived to confess to killing Freyal, to carrying his lovechild, to being his lovechild, or to witnessing the murder.

Before Pax and Phaedra can start interviewing them, a kid with a glowing knife murmurs, "For Kiros," and stabs Phaedra before cutting his throat.  We end the issue with Pax holding Phaedra's bloody body.

Beyond the murder mystery itself, we're also in the dark about a lot of dynamics at play here.  Why does everyone hate the Black Cloaks?  It seems the only thing that unifies everyone is that hatred.  Why are the mermaids cannibals?  Did they follow the Great Evil or were they victims of it?  What's a "capture?"

Again, this triple-sized issue is spectacular.  It's worth every moment spent with it.  The art is unbelievable.  Thompson's story is unbelievable.  I'm all fucking in.

Blade Runner 2039 #2:  Ho boy, the chickens are coming home to roost!

Ash takes Lexi, the replicant from last issue, to a desolate place populated with only a trailer.  Ash enters expecting Freysa but sees an unknown man.  She draws a gun before she realizes Freysa is with him.  Ash tells Freysa that she should've told her that they were going to have visitors, and Freysa introduces him as "an old friend from the trenches" named Sapper.  Freysa notes that Ash herself has brought a stranger, and Ash introduces Lexi.  It's clear through their interactions that their relationship is tense.

At LAPD HQ, a bodiless voice coming from the device on Luv's desk is chastising her for her treatment of the officer last issue.  The voice tells her she's confined to HQ but she tells the voice that she's going to Santa Barbara on Niander Wallace, Jr.'s orders and the voice relents.  

At the former Selwyn estate in Santa Barbara, "Ms. Penelope" greets Luv, who marvels at the fresh water coming from the fountain.  Luv notes that Penelope's butler is a Nexus-8 Replicant, and Penelope tells her that she has dispensation from the police to own one.  When Luv tells Penelope that she can sense Nexus-8s, Penelope marvels at the "poetic" nature of Wallace making Replicants to catch Replicants.  

At the trailer, Ash installs one of the eyes in Freysa, and Freysa installs the other one in Ash, since her eye was apparently looking "diseased" like her spine and, lately, her lungs.  Freysa encourages Ash to stay, but Ash tells Freysa that Lexi told her about the Replicant Blade Runner.

At Selwyn's estate, Luv tells Penelope that Wallace thinks Selwyn may have left 

"sensitive material" hidden there.  Penelope knows that Wallace wants Luv to turn the estate upside down looking for what Selwyn knew, but Penelope refuses.  Luv tells Penelope that she doesn't need Penelope's cooperation, and Penelope and her butler kick Luv's ass.  Apparently Luv's ability to detect older Replican models isn't so great, because Penelope reveals herself as Hythe.  

To make matters more interesting, Cleo arrives on Earth!  

This series is playing for keeps, y'all.

Captain America:  Symbol of Truth #9:  This issue is better than the previous ones but still not good.

The kid who magically knows everything happening in Mohannda tells the adults that the government has bombed the hospital.  Nomad knows that it's a trap, but Cap insists that they go, so they all go.  What, you wouldn't take all the resistance forces to one place where the enemy could easily annihilate them?  Coward.

As the team helps survivors at the hospital, one of them tells Cap that someone evacuated many of the doctors before the attack, but apparently no one thinks it's significant.  Instead, they just rescue the doctors so they can get to work helping the other survivors.  Everyone is surprised when militarized Phrox from Dimension Z appear, no one more than Ian, who notes that they helped Steve raise him.

Sam realizes that they're in trouble since he puts together that the White Wolf has access to Zola tech.  Nightshade suggest that the White Wolf has "some sort of technology conduit" or "maybe a signal transmitter," though I don't get why summoning portals to Dimension Z would require a transmitter.  Anyway, she's confident she can understand Zola's technology.  

Sam leads the Phrox from the hospital but then decides the White Wolf must be keeping the transmitter in the sky because anyone could reach it on the ground.  (Look, I'm just trying to hang in here.)

On said ground, Nightshade declares a strong signal is coming from the Parliament, which is impressive since she's holding a gun and not some sort of signal detector.  But they all decide to head to Parliament.  Sam destroys the sky-based transmitter, but it only disables the portals.  (I'm not sure why they thought the Phrox would disappear simply because the portals were no longer working, but they did.)  

Suddenly, Falcon arrives in full vampire mode and declares that he's going to kill Sam for abandoning him.  I mean, what the fuck?  Last time we saw him, he was asking his grandmother for help and now he's a vampire intent on murdering Sam in Mohannda   What's next?  Is D-Man going to arrive as a zombie mad at Sam for missing poker night?

God, I hate this series.

Know Your Station #2:  We end this issue where we ended the last one:  Elise finds a body (well, two bodies this time), and she's the only person who accessed the room where they were killed, according to St. Brigid.  

It seems pretty clear that St. Brigid is, knowingly or not, assisting the killer in covering their tracks.  Given Elise is detoxing from the Blue, she isn't as sharp as she normally is, making it easier for the killer.  

Beyond the killer's identity, this issue's biggest mystery is where Pritchard's body went, given it disappeared from Elise's tub, where St. Brigid initially stashed it.  

If I had to guess, Marin - who whispers something to Elise that she won't remember since she's detoxing - is in love with Elise and killing her enemies, given Raulsson and his wife are the bodies Elise finds here.  We'll see.

Five-Month-Old Comics: The December 28 Edition - Part 1 (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Amazing Spider-Man #16:  The tone of these "Dark Web" issues remains weird.  We went from oddly jokey last issue to bro-y aggro in this one.  Peter isn't even remotely sympathetic when it comes to Ben's situation and simply throws hands.  It's weird because Peter is the most empathetic characters in comics; you'd think he'd understand that Ben doesn't have a moral code because he needs Peter's memories to have one.

Putting aside the tone, the plot is also weird.  Madelyne's "secret mission" is to send Venom into the Treehouse to recover her "soul."  I'm assuming she means her Cerebro back-up, but they're stored in Krakoa and not New York.  If it isn't her back-up, I have no idea what she's doing.  

Also, I still don't get Hallows' Eve.  She uses a mask to become Frankenstein's Monster, seemingly to accompany Eddie into the Treehouse to take on the X-Men.  But once Eddie enters she takes off the mask and apparently plans on entering stealthily while Eddie attacks.  Why change into Frankenstein's Monster then?

Moreover, I thought Ben was using the orb he displays here to steal Peter's memories, somehow channeling the Tree of Exquisite Liberation (which we saw in issue #14).  Instead he sends Peter to Limbo, where he also has JJJ, Jr. and Robbie Robertson.  Doesn't that get him farther from his goal of stealing Peter's memories?  He seems more focused on the demonic attack of New York, and I still don't get how that furthers either Ben's or Madelyne's goals.

In other words, I'm just at a loss here.

Dark Web:  X-Men #2:  I haven't liked a damn thing about "Dark Web," but Jean Grey smacking Madelyne Pryor and telling her, "If you want to go, let's go" is 30+ years coming and I'm here for it.

Captain America:  Symbol of Truth #8:  This issue is just awful.  

Throughout the issue, we get a series of statements that either contradict previous statements or just don't make sense.  To wit:

• Nomad uses a "Theseus and the minotaur" metaphor to describe why he and the refugees are safe from the oncoming tanks as they walk through the village's ruins.  Sam says soldiers may get lost in ruins but tanks don't.  Does he mean the tanks will somehow run over the ruins?  It isn't clear.
• A small child is leading Nomad and the refugees to a safe house, whose location apparently only he knows.  We're never told why he, and not a single adult, alone knows where it is.
• It turns out the shelter has a hidden button you press to enter, like it's the Batcave. 
• Sam notes the tanks are getting closer, and Ian quips that he "was hoping maybe they had other rides to drop off."  Is that a joke?  If not, I have no idea what he means.
•  As Sam and Nomad discuss the situation with the resistance leaders, Nightshade appears.  She apparently emigrated to Wakanda as part of the Wakanda Forever movement.  She claims many émigrés had "no way back" to America and found themselves stuck in Mohannda.  I find it hard to believe that the Wakandans not only revoked the émigrés' citizenship but then dumped them into an apartheid state?  Who's running Wakanda's PR team?
• Nightshade says she isn't a villain anymore, which I guess is true-ish, but she then claims, "I'm not someone with a past," which is very not true-ish.  
• Nightshade then tells us that she didn't just go to Mohannda because she had "no way back" to America, but because she believed in the deceased prime minister's cause.  Pick a reason!

I  went to the trouble of listing these inconsistencies and oddities to show that I'm not just exaggerating.  The issue reads like a bad AI wrote it.  It also comes nowhere close to explaining what Sam is planning to do about the White Wolf, particularly now that he knows the White Wolf was the one behind the prime minister's assassination, ostensibly the reason why he's there.

I've said it before, but Sam doesn't deserve this series.

Five-Month-Old Comics: The December 14 and 21 Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Amazing Spider-Man #15 (December 14):  This issue is weirdly jokey given the fact that Peter discovers Ben is still alive and Eddie Brock has reverted to his more brainless (and dangerous) iteration.  (Peter responds to both developments essentially with a shrug.)  As he goes to save Norman, he comments how Norman helped him when he lost Mary Jane, a situation he described as "a pickle."  It's bizarre.

Also, Ben can apparently cast spells now, which he uses to do...something to Ms. Marvel, whose appearance here feels completely unnecessary.  

In terms of continuity, this issue clearly happens after "Dark Web:  X-Men" #1 (despite the checklist saying it comes before it), since Peter refers to leaving the X-Men at Rockefeller Center, which happens in that issue (see below).  To make matters more complicated, Madelyne and Hallows' Eve collect Eddie here for their "secret mission," but they already had him in "Dark Web" #1.

In other words, it isn't the most promising star to this event.

Dark Web:  X-Men #1 (December 14):  This issue is worth the price of admission only for nostalgic 80s children (like me) who'll appreciate Spidey's team-up with Firestar and Iceman. 

Like "Amazing Spider-Man" #15, though, it suffers from an inappropriately jokey tone.  For example, as they're imprisoned in Limbo, Alex desperately tries to get Scott to engage with his pain, which he claims is similar to Madelyne's (a stretch, but consistent with Duggan's portrayal of Alex as a whiny brat).  Scott completely rebuffs him.  To be fair, Scott is trying to get Alex to help him escape their cell, but still.  

Beyond the issues mentioned in the above review, this issue's chronological sequencing is also odd.  Madelyne is in Limbo torturing the Summer brothers but also in New York going on her "secret mission" with Hallows' Eve.  Also I thought she told Ben in "Amazing Spider-Man" #14 that she wouldn't go to New York to maintain some plausible deniability with the X-Men?  

It's a mess.

Mary Jane & Black Cat (December 21):  For fuck's sake, Wells has got to tell us what happened six months ago.  

I say that because Mary Jane didn't just collect a husband and two children in the ensuing period, she also gained superpowers.  Said powers involve her spinning a slot-machine wheel and manifesting a power based on whatever she gets spin-wise.  It isn't just ridiculous (which it is).  It's also repetitive.  We've already had two extremely confusing iterations of the Jackpot hero, though neither one possessed these powers.  [Sigh.]  

If you're asking what Mary Jane's powers have to do with "Dark Web," Black Cat sees her manifest them to protect Paul and the kids from demons.  Of course, before we can address that, Belasco kidnaps Black Cat and Mary Jane because he wants a favor.  [Sigh, again.]

Star Wars:  Bounty Hunters #29 (December 14):  This issue is fun when it's Bossk and Tasu fighting off Imps or IG-88 taking out the Son-tuul Pride syndicate basically on his own.  

But I still have the problem I've had for a while, which is that this series has so many main and supporting characters that it's really hard to keep them all straight.  When and why did Crimson Dawn destroy Ankala and her compatriots' villages?  How and why did the Pride help Crimson Dawn and thus earn an Imperial bounty?  

It's a small complaint, but it does occasionally slow down my ability to follow the action, which is fast and furious here.

WildC.A.Ts #2 (December 14):  This issue moves fast.

The beginning is a good time as Cole expresses frustration while he and Zealot find themselves battling the H.I.V.E troops and the Court of Owls' Talons.  Cole gets injured, forcing Zealot to fight off their attackers alone while getting a still unconscious Fairchild and him to a place where Void can teleport them.

Cole isn't a "sitting in bed" type of guy, though, so he leaves the hospital early to attend the Halo directors meeting.  (In the hospital, he relays another multiverse story, though I don't recognize this one.)  At the meeting, we see various familiar faces at the table, including Dr. Anthony Ivo, Norah Fries (who I though the WildC.A.Ts killed per a comment last issue but is clearly alive here), and a resurrected (female) Michael Cray.  For reasons Rosenberg doesn't make clear, Cole encourages Marlowe to let them go after the Court, but Void disapproves.  

That doesn't stop Cole from getting Voodoo to go over the crime scene with him later that night.  She doesn't find anything, though their search clearly pisses off the Court, which sends an assassin after Marlowe at a party later that evening.  Marlowe decides that it's time to take the WildC.A.Ts public, though he unveils a team called the Seven Soldiers of Victory, most of whom I don't recognize.  I'm sure (I hope) Rosenberg has something up his sleeve.

Also Read:  Night Club #1 (December 14); X-Men Annual #1 (December 21)

Five-Month-Old Comics: The December 7 Marvel Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Captain America:  Sentinel of Liberty #7:  Lanzing and Kelly show that Bucky knew what he was doing when he sent Sharon to Steve as she gets him going again (in more ways than one).

In fact, this issue is all about Steve remembering who his friends are, which is great, because they don't necessarily tell him what he wants to hear.  For example, the issue begins with Namor finding Steve to return his shield (which he lost during his fall from the Outer Circle's headquarters).  When Steve tells Namor about Bucky, Namor tells him what he still refuses to believe, that Bucky works in the shadows so Steve doesn't have to enter them.  Namor gives Steve solid advice in telling him to find people comfortable in the shadows if he's going to save Bucky.  Enter Sharon.

Sharon then puts together a group of Steve's friends to help, and I couldn't be happier with this team:  Black Widow, Hawkeye, Nick Fury, Peggy Carter, and Roger Aubrey.  (When Steve previously mentioned Roger during his conversation with Namor, Namor was thrilled to find out Roger was still alive.  He told Steve to send Roger his regards, which Steve does.  An overjoyed Roger tells Steve to put it on his tombstone.  Roger is very much a breath of fresh air here.)

Steve passes on information that Roger found to the team, namely that A.I.M. technology is unavailable on the black market right now.  Natasha says that fits with three of her A.I.M. contacts going missing, and the team assumes A.I.M. is cleaning house before something big.  

The team then considers the piece of neganite that Bucky and Steve collected from the Destroyer and that Bucky left as a clue for Steve in his emptied-out apartment.  Nick notes that it's usually used only in zero gravity, and the team concludes that Arnim Zola is the likely the person who put it in play (which we know, given the Circle last issue identified him as a Starpoint).  

Hawkeye tells the team that the Thunderbolts are currently cleaning out a Zola facility.  The team prepares to set a trap for the Circle, assuming they'll make a move on the facility.  The problem is that Steve wakes up four days later in Kansas with no idea how he got there and A.I.M. seems to have sealed off New York City.  D'oh!

Lanzing and Kelly do a great job of making all these developments flow from one moment to the next.  Despite a lot of exposition in the team's conversation, it felt like an organic dialogue between the characters, a rarity in comics.  

Moreover, the authors stay focused on the pain that Steve feels over what he sees as Bucky's betrayal.  I could find fault with this series over Steve's refusal to believe Bucky is doing the right thing, but Lanzing and Kelly make it clear that they're intentionally making Steve feel this way.  They're feelings, not logic.  They're totally right that Steve would feel depressed both by confronting a situation where he isn't in charge and where he's trying not to face the sacrifices Bucky makes for him.  Moreover, Lanzing and Kelly make it clear that Steve's friends are aware of this blindspot, again a rarity in comics.

As I've previously said, Lanzing and Kelly are seriously overcoming my doubts about this story and delivering what I think is going to become a classic Captain America tale.  It's great stuff.

Dark Web #1:  OK, "Dark Web."  Here we go.

As a Spider-Man and X-Men fan, I'm more excited about the Spider-Man side of this event than the X-Men one.  

On the Spider-Man side, I totally get Ben's motivations.  In order to regain his memories (and sanity), Ben needs Peter's memories.  It isn't that complicated.  Madelyne gives him a means to that end.

I still don't get Madelyne's part, though.  Magik turned over Limbo to her in "New Mutants" in recognition of her desire to belong somewhere.  As we saw in "Amazing Spider-Man" #14, Madelyne has doubts that Magik had her best interests at heart.  I get that.  But I feel like Madelyne had many more options than diving into "Inferno Part Deux" just because a hot blond dude appeared on her doorstep.  (She does like her hot blond dudes, though...)

At any rate, shenanigans will ensure. Madelyne and Hallow's Eve (the Summers Eve jokes really make themselves, so I won't belabor the point) are on some sort of mission with Venom (whose son Madelyne has kidnapped and who Madelyne magically lobotomized) while Ben takes the fight to Norman, the guy who engineered his (first) death.  We'll see where we go from here.

Star Wars:  Hidden Empire #2:  This issue is refreshingly direct.  The Archivist and the woman helping her, Kho Phon Farrus, manage to turn on the Fermata Cage.  But it attracts Darth Sidious' and Darth Vader's attention, and Sidioius dispatches Vader to get the Cage.  While Qi'ra regroups at a hidden safehouse, she dispatches Chanath Cha and her team to help the Archivist.  But I'm pretty sure Vader is just going to kill them all, so I'm not really sure what Soule is going to do with the last three issues.

X-Men Red #9:  Roberto's ongoing role as Sol's underestimated kingmaker kicks up a notch here as Brand is surprised when it turns out he, and not Xandra, sat on the Diplomatic Zone's throne when Vulcan tried to assassinate Xandra.  Poor Abby.

Meanwhile, Ewing shows us how Brand manipulated Xavier into resurrecting Gabriel.  She convinced him that Magneto's death left an Omega-level hole in the mutants' defenses, and Charles ego did the rest:  he decides that he can "cure" Vulcan before he hatches.  As expected, it didn't work, and Vulcan tears through the Galactic Council before trying to assassinate Xandra here.  

But the revelation that Roberto was using a Shi'ar image inducer to act as Xandra sends off Vulcan to find her.  For some reason he decides that she's in the Autumn Palace, Magneto's former residence, which I don't totally understand.  But he does find Storm, so I'm not complaining because I'm here for that fight.