Eight-Month-Old Comics: The December 6 Top-Shelf Edition - Part Two (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

The Sacrificers #5:  The thing about Remember is that you really never know what he's going to do, like kill (maybe) off a main character in issue #5.

The Foreman returns to his imposing castle where one of the beauticians from issue #3 awaits him.  The beautician, Joy, tells the Foreman that the elixir she offers him here is from one of the sacrificers who "figured it out" (i.e., Noom).  Joy observes that the Foreman took twice as many sacrificers as was "strictly lawful," resulting in enough capacity for even them to drink.  The Foreman takes off his helmet and reveals that he's one of Pigeon's people.  He's furious, though, because he doesn't just want to drink like the lords:  he wants to be one.

Soluna reveals herself, furious at what she sees as the Foreman's treachery.  Haughty beyond measures, Soluna demands to know more about the elixir, and the Foreman reveals his elixir comes from fear not joy.  Soluna defeats the Foreman's guards, but one of them grabs her pet.  She begs the Foreman not to hurt the pet, and the Foreman demands she drop her father's sword.  Furious that Soluna is so confident no one could hurt her that she even brought her pet, the Foreman has his man rip the pet in two.  It's...a lot.

A the daycare, Pigeon watches as the other sacrificers, dressed in colorful clothes, play a game.  He wonders where they're taking everyone, and the other sacrificers look at him askance.  They encourage him to have more faith as they head to lunch.  He looks at a drawing that Noom made of them together, which says, "Have faith all will be well!!!"  He then dives into the river discovering a tube with a grate that he can't remove.

At the castle, the Foreman has chained up Soluna.  He reveals the gods used to grow old and die, but the elixir that he (the Foreman) created changed that.  He gave Rokos the key to immortality, and Rokos promised to make him a god.  However, he didn't, hence the Foreman's rage.  Informing Soluna that Rokos will never turn over his throne, he rails that Rokos takes credit for his elixir.  Soluna calls him "low-born trash," and the Foreman drains her essence from her, believing it'll make him a god.  

Good-bye, Soluna.  We hardly knew ye.

The Space Between #2:  I didn't dislike this issue so much as I found myself bored of the repetition.  Instead of a pair of star-crossed lovers, the revolution's leader this time is a rabble-rouser born above the Star Line; he uses a maintenance worker as his connection to the people so he can seize power.  

The events take place 47 years after Integration, thought automation has left the folks below the Star Line (btSL, if you will) bored.  They're also frustrated that Integration only meant they could marry who they wanted; it appears that the Dodona still assigns jobs through some criteria (though not by birth, I think).  But they aren't the only ones frustrated.  Revla's granddaughter, Bee, is uninterested in becoming a pilot.  Revla claims that she's made her peace with that but dismisses Bee's work researching breeding of cats and dogs.  Revla feels like it's supporting the Originators view that people were born for their jobs; Bee says their view was monstrous but doesn't clarify what her research is set to achieve.

At a park, a btSL worker named Pari goes with his friend Hirna to see the aforementioned rabble-rouser, Lonan, speak.  Lonan invites Pari to his post-speech meeting with his followers, and it definitely feels like a cult.  Pari learns that Lonan isn't "exactly from btSL."  In fact, he's never been there.  But Pari falls for Lonan's pitch and becomes his more "authentic" messenger.

Rallying crowds under the message, "You're not baggage, you're people!", Pari become famous as Lonan's prophet, much to Hirna's disappointment.  Pari is shocked when Lonan takes him to meet the Council at a reception, since they're the problem, but he meets Bee there and they click.  An explosion interrupts their meeting, and Lonan's security detail whisk away Pari so the public doesn't learn he (and Lonan) were there.

Later, Bee and Revla are watching news of the incident when the reporter plays an altered version of her conversation with Pari, where she refers to the btSL people as "dogs."  Another explosion occurs as a riot takes place outside the Council's chambers.  Pari is furious at Lanon for recording him at the reception and using his conversation with Bee to advance his cause, but Lanon wants him to focus on exploiting their "luck" with the explosion.

Meanwhile, Bee is furious they plan to send Revla into space to fix the hole the explosion caused, though the Council claims they lost all their best pilots in the explosion.  Pari visits Bee and explains he didn't record their conversation, though this conversation is interrupted when Lonan announces, via a broadcast, that he's the new chancellor and the mission to seal the hole failed.  However, Bee manages to get into her grandmother's room and records Revla revealing that she did seal the hole, but Lanon came into her room and injected her with something.  Lanon was using the Council's failure to seal the hole as justification for his coup d'état, but Bee's revelation ends his plan.

The issue ends with Hirna joining the Council, which we learn Bee made happen when she suggested someone from maintenance take Revla's spot after her death.  Bee and Pari are together now, their hope renewed.

Again, it isn't a bad issue.  Given the scope of the story Beckho is telling, though, it feels like we could move off the Marxian analysis of the ship and onto more compelling matters.  We'll see what happens next issue.

Subgenre #2:  I get what Kindt is trying to do here, but I'm not sure that it's as interesting as he wants it to be in implementation.  

Our hero finds himself in a sword-and-sandal story that goes meta quickly, when the wizard (i.e., the author of the hero's story) is a version of the hero himself.  But the hero suddenly awakens in a more futuristic setting, where a woman tells him that he needs to sign some forms because they own the story in his head.  I wonder if Kindt is hinting that the company for which the woman works puts people through these travels through subgenres to generate intellectual property?  Maybe?

At any rate, I think I'm getting off the train here.

Transformers #3:  Holy fucking shit, this issue.

Sparkplug tries to comfort a hysterical Carly, who demands to know what type of "giant robot" killed her father.  Before Sparkplug can answer, Laserbeak breaks into the house and grabs Sparkplug.  He throws him into a wall and moves on Carly, but Cliffjumper arrives to save her.  However, Sparkplug opens fire on him, grabs Carly, and flees in a cop car.

At the Ark, Starscream is furious when Soundwave informs him that Earth's raw materials are "lacking" in their ability to bring Cybertronian technology to 100% and Earth also lacks the "advanced compound structure" he needs to fix Teletraan 1.  He suggests other Earth material could help and begins to comment that Megatron would've had them scouring Earth already, but Starscream smacks him before he can finish the thought.  Meanwhile, Laserbeak reports that he found an Autobot, and Starscream dispatches Skywarp - who's hilarious drinking Energon with a straw - to take care of Cliffjumper.

Sparkplug brings Carly to the bar, where the patrons have armed themselves.  Carly tries to convince "Sparky" that all the Transformers aren't bad, but Sparky - not incorrectly - comments that, "It doesn't matter whose team they're on, or what glorious cause they fight for.  When the shooting stars, people die."  On that note, Cliffjumper arrives, and Sparky shoots him again.  Skywarp then arrives and all Hell breaks loose.  Optimus and Spike are on the road and see the smoke, which they follow.  Carly jumps in front of Cliffjumper before Skywarp can send him "to the Black" when Optimus arrives to save them.  

The battle sequence is fantastic.  Skywarp opens a portal and sticks his arm through it, punching Optimus from behind.  Meanwhile, Sparky and Danny the bartender fire a RPG at Optimus, ripping open his arm.  Skywarp grabs said arm, exacerbating the damage, as Sparky tells the men to pour on the fire.  Spike starts running to help Optimus...

...and, in a truly shocking scene, we watch a bullet tear through Spike.  I honestly gasped when I saw it.  Johnson's art is so kinetic, the impact just floored me.  Given it's a reboot, I really thought that Johnson might've really killed Spike.  Optimus and Sparky clearly thought along the same lines, as Sparky calls on everyone to hold their fire.

Optimus looses his shit and attacks Skywarp, amazingly ripping off his broken arm to beat him with it.  After defeating Skywarp, Optimus looks upon Spike's blood covered body and thinks about the deer he killed.  Sparky arrives and pulls a gun on Optimus, and Optimus transforms holding Spike, telling Sparky to get in the cab so they can go save his boy.  Is Spike going to be a cyborg?

I am all on board here, folks.

Eight-Month-Old Comics!: The October 18 Top-Shelf Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

From the World of Minor Threats:  The Alternates #2:  Enh.  

This issue is better than the first one as the plot comes into focus.   Kid Curious realizes the "Prestige" drug all the kids are taking is somehow small liquefied doses of the Ledge, and the Persona discovers someone used black magic to turn one of the Divider's clones into his alleged fiancée.  (I can't remember why it's significant, but I'm assuming we'll learn at some point.)  After Crab Louie overhears his daughter agreeing to meet her boyfriend at a club where they can get their hands on some Prestige, the team follows her.  Once they identify her supplier, they follow him to see who's supplying him.  

All that said, I still find myself not particularly caring.  I don't know why exactly, but there you have it.

Coda #2:  This issue is nonsensical.

We begin with a group of creatures that look like a mix between goblins and mice offering a helmet, called the Embetterment Artifice, to their elder, Constructor Krocklamesh.  (Yeah...)  Krocklamesh allegedly worked on this helmet for 12 years, and the creatures are apparently members of Clan Oblique who want to bring peace and security across the world.  A large pink-skinned woman informs the group she'll accompany them because they need someone to keep them on the straight and narrow.

Elsewhere, Hum narrates this story to "Little Gap," opining that, when he (or she or it) encounters "one of these seductive promises I've been yammering on about -- big changes, brave new starts, etc.," he (or she or it) should make sure they've got "some other guiding light already in place."  Sure, whatever.

Hum informs us "Little Gap" is the "tiniest trace of absence, to make the rest of [his] quiet life moving forward."  Meanwhile, Hum is in a prison in Gorepit, where a solider informs him that the Gorepitians reject all the "old world's" traces, like magic and royalty.  That said, an important-seeming, tow-haired boy follows a Gorepitian official down a large exterior staircase.  It took me several readings to understand that someone named Mildew the Breaker bought the kid in a slave market and presented him to Gorepit as the son that its king lost during the Quench.  Apparently, the "scion's" absence sparked a cult, and Mildew is clearly trying to profit from that.

The official and scion join the soldier and the prisoners (including Hum) at the Place of Death, though the solider, to Hum's surprise, simply exiles Hum, the "scion," and "all members of this foolish little sect."  But the solider orders Nag's death, as he represents the "nonsensical old ways."  

I still can't entirely figure out Hum's involvement in this scam.  After all, I first thought he was in prison in Ridgetown, since, when last we left him, he discovered that Ridgetown creates akker by harvesting the blood of th least elf.  But we never get an explanation of how he's suddenly in Gorepit, and we also don't get an explanation of how he and Nag come to be connect, at least tangentially, to Mildew's scam.

At any rate, Hum proclaims Nag is only there because unicorns have to obey virgins and the "scion" sees him as a "sacred symbol" and part of some sort of prophecy.  The soldier is unmoved and orders the firing squad to open fire.  But the scion runs in front of the squad, taking bullets for Nag, which prompts Nag to go on a rampage. 

Meanwhile, the pink-skinned woman arrives at Gorepit with Clan Oblique.  While she's been killing raiders (of what sort, we're not told), the creatures have amassed a following telling people that they're going to liberate food from said raiders.  Once at Gorepit, the woman exposits that her husband does their shopping in Gorepit, making it clear that she's Serka.  (Isn't someone holding her hostage?  I guess not?)  Upon Clan Oblique's arrival, the soldier (I think) declares them all inhuman marauders come to "despoil and scavenge in our moment of weakness!"  (The "weakness" is presumably the aftermath of Nag's rampage, but I'm not sure.)  Anyway, Gorepit's soldiers engage Clan Oblique as Serka tries to stop them.

Standing over the dying soldier's body, Serka shows him a badge they took off a thief in the wilderness, and the soldier tells her that it's a badge of a customs agent meant to collect a small tithe from merchants.  (Didn't Hum already kill this guy last issue?)  One of the people following Clan Oblique gets nervous, informing Serka that the "thief's" crime was imposing a tithe "all because a few little barrels of siren berries were rotten."  (I guess he was an actual customs agent then and not Hum's thief?)  Disgusted, Serka asks a Gorepitian about why Gorepit isn't as rich as she thought, and the woman responds that "some weirdo in a hood bewitched the workers [who] cleared out the food stores 'n followed him into the desert[,] all because that lot shot some dumb little kid."  (How much time has passed here, exactly?  Mildew had enough time after the squad killed the kid to stir up a revolution?  Are they the "raiders" stealing the food?)

At least enough time has passed for us to find Hum fishing at a red lake when he hears a voice, in italics text, announce to a caravan arriving at the "Crimson Mire!  where perished the last kings of High Chivaris."  Hum watches as the cult's leader (presumably Mildew) reinterprets the prophecy, noting that "dozens" of them saw "a light" the instant the scion died, marking the "coronation of a new god."  Since the "prophecy" said the scion would found a new kingdom, they now declare that they're a new nation.

Rushing to a caravan, Hum calls for Mildew as he opens the doors.  He's disgusted by the sight of a creature with many bubbles of tadpole-like creatures in her stomach, and Mildew informs him the creature is a "sprigmother."  Mildew orders a worker to spread spawn within a thirty-mile radius so they can declare a miracle to eliminate all doubts about "the prophecy."  One of Mildew's thugs, named Mr. Kroti, ejects Hum on Mildew's orders, and Hum watches in dismay as the cult members set up camp on his land.  Hum ponders where he heard the name "Mr. Kroti" before when Serka arrives.

After they kiss, Hum immediately asks Serka if she's pregnant, and I'm guessing "Little Gap" is their unborn child.  Serka then realizes Mildew is the hooded cult leader Clan Oblique is chasing and tells Hum to get down.

In other words, I really have no fucking idea what's happening here.  Normally I'd hang in there since I think it's only a five-issue series, but I've got 300+ issues to read so I'm done.

Kill Your Darlings #2:  Holy shit, this issue, you guys.

In 1700, a group of men burst into a cabin where a coven of witches is meeting.  They kill all the witches save one, who they find hiding under the floorboards.  Calling her "the girl who wouldn't burn," it seems clear she's the girl from last issue.  Screaming, "we were supposed to be safe here!!!", she uses vines to kill the men.

In 1995, Rose clutches Wallace in the back of a police car.  

Fast-forwarding to 2003, Rose is in the Anderson Center, a place for troubled teens.  She wound up there when the "foster care system proved...problematic" for her, as the creepy Dr. Jacobs mentions to two parents who are there about their son.  The mother physically recoils from Rose, and Jacobs alludes to the "media blizzard around the...well, the nastiness with the fire in Valley Oaks."  Meanwhile, all the other students whisper about Rose burning her mother alive.

The only bright spot for Rose is Elliott's visits.  Elliott remains in a rough place as his mother is bed-ridden and his father is completely disconnected from them.  Elliott's a stand-up dude:  he's not only visiting Rose but tells her about how he's maintaining his mom's garden since it makes her happy.  Elliott apologizes for talking about his mom, and Rose quips that she killed hers.  Elliott chastises her, but Rose confesses that everyone's whispered about her for years and she still doesn't have a better explanation other than that she was the one who set the fire.  Before confirming they'll meet at the back exit at the usual time, Elliott pulls out Beat-em-Beasts for them to play, and one of Rose's cards depicts elephant-like "The Eternal Warrior."

That night, Rose's new roommate screams when she sees Rose sneaking to meet Elliott, but before she can raise the alarm the sprinklers start.  Rose runs into the hallway to see an arrow through the fire alarm, and several guards make chase.  She rounds the corner to find...Wallace!  He uses sleeping arrows to take out the guards and leads Rose to the exit as she ponders whether she's lost her mind.  We get the first hint that she hasn't when Dr. Jacobs finds one of the guards with a blow dart in his neck.  

Outside, Rose and Wallace escape over the fence and find Elliott.  Rose is thrilled to learn Elliott can see the "little elephant man" (Wallace corrects him with "elopig."). Wallace explains that the Kingdom of Rosewood is in danger.  Rose tells him that she can't return because that "thing" almost killer her, but Wallace tells her that it's been killing them ever since she left.  Wallace tells Rose she could create life where there once wasn't any, and Rose brightens.  He then leads them to the gate to Rosewood.

I was meh on the first issue of this series, but Parker and Sheridan wisely don't drag out the mystery, instead confirming here that Rosewood was real.  I'm excited to see where we go from here.

Local Man #6:  This series is starting to get repetitive, as Jack has to face another unhinged nut job coming after him.  

This time, it's an armed kid with #Truth written in tape on his flack jacket who opens fire in Inga's diner.  His goal is to kill "Local Man," because he somehow knows that Jack killed Camo Crusader.  Brian later tells Jack the only people who knew about Crusader were Inga and Kopecki, who winds up killing the kid to end his rampage.  Interestingly, Kopecki knew the kid, since the kid went to church with Kopecki's aunt, so I think it might be possible Kopecki is part of the same crowd as the kid.  That said, Inga suspects her investors though they deny it, leaving open the question how the kid knew.

Meanwhile, Brian asks Jack to speak to a group of hippies called the Star Tribe.  They're camping in a nearby park, and they don't like cops, obviously.  But a 16 year old girl who Inga knew through the Future Forum wound up drowned, and the Tribe apparently harbors known criminals so Brian wants some information.  Jack agrees, but the creepy Swamp Thing-esque creature who follows him implies the Tribe probably didn't do it.

At some point, you start to wonder why Third Gen doesn't let Jack leave Farmingham, since the attention that he's bringing probably isn't doing them any favors.

Star Wars #39:  Oof, this issue.  Soule really puts Lando (and us) through the emotional ringer.

The Talky manages to knock the rancor unconscious long enough for him, Lando, and Lobot to escape the pit.  But he warns Lando that they've got to bolt, as Jabba the Hutt is on his sail barge and will return at some point.  As the Talky navigates Jabba's palace to get them to a secret exit, Scourge-controlled droids surprise them and grab Lobot.  The Talky assumed they wanted him, but, as we know from the main series, the Scourge wanted Lobot given his hybroid status.  Lando and the Talky eventually find Lobot, only for the Scourge to inform Lando that he now controls Lobot.  "Lobot" departs with the other droids as Jabba returns, his men's guns a-blazin', and Lando brings the Talky to the Millennium Falcon and pledges to save Lobot.

But Lobot's isn't the only friendship Lando is forced to consider here, as he stands before Han before he bolts with the Talky and Lobot.  He (correctly) realizes that he and Lobot don't have time to free Han, since he'll be weak and potentially blind.  I initially judged Lando for that, but, when he made that argument, I realized that he was right.  But it means Lando failed not one but two friends here, and Soule makes it clear that Lando knows that.

The chips are down, and, knowing Lando, he's going to double down.  It'll be fun to watch.

Subgenre #1:  I like Kindt, and he does something interesting here.  

A hard-boiled detective named Verge (which isn't a very "hard-boiled" name) gets hired by his world's Disney (Decipher Comics) to investigate the murder of several blue-skinned monks from a cult called "I.P. Agents" at their HQ.  Verge himself tangled with a similar monk earlier in the day, though he seemed to think he was his landlord?  It was weird.  The man's blue skin definitely didn't seem to both him.

Deciper sends him to meet a woman who explains she caused a scene at Decipher several days earlier when she learned they used an AI to write the book she had just read and loved.  (I'm still not sure why causing a disruption makes Decipher seemingly want to pin murders on her, as I think they're trying to do here?)  She insists on accompanying Verge to the I.P. Agents' sanctum sanctorum, since she wants to see their rare-book collection, since they apparently are buying all such books.  

At the library, the monks' leader appears, and his monks attack Verge.  He says they're particularly interested in Verge and strikes him in the head with a baton that sends him into a new Roman body, where he again faces the blue-skinned monks.

It's weird, and I kind of like it.  I initially wasn't inclined to hang in there, but, re-reading this post, I think I will.