Six-Month-Old Comics: The August 3 Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Batman #126:  As expected, Zdarsky isn't fucking kidding.

The issue begins with a recovering Robin telling Batman to mind his own business when Bruce expresses concern that Tim is already on patrol.  Bruce returns to the Cave, and Zdarsky picks up the thread from last issue as Bruce muses how the kids don't understand that they ultimately can't keep their costumed identities and find "love and happiness."  (Yes, it's weird to see Bruce say the words "love and happiness.")  Before Bruce goes any farther down that road, Failsafe attacks!

Zdarsky makes it clear that Failsafe is Bruce's un-fucking-stoppable Doomsday.  Within six punches thrown, Bruce realizes that he's dead if he stays in the Cave.  He manages to grapple himself to the Batmobile and order it to speed to safety.  But the bomb Bruce throws at Failsafe as he leaves the Cave does no good as, still on fire, it finds Bruce in the city.  Bruce admits to Oracle that the situation is bad, and Jiménez does a great job of showing actual fear in Bruce's eyes as Failsafe grabs his cape and hurls him to the ground before he can escape up a fire escape.  

Bruce contemplates the end, which only doesn't happen because Batgirl (Cassandra), Signal, and Spoiler arrive.  Failsafe almost immediately takes out Stephanie, and Signal distracts Failsafe while Robin gets Bruce into the Batmobile so he can meet Leslie at the Cave.  A concussed Bruce murmurs to himself that Failsafe sounds familiar, and Tim floors it to flee the pursuing Failsafe.  Nightwing arrives in time to buy Tim time to escape.  Failsafe dismisses the team as "little soldiers" and takes out Batgirl and Spoiler.  He then rips off Duke's helmet and scans it, gaining access to the team's systems.

Leslie is startled to find Failsafe in the new Cave, but Bruce had Tim take him to the old one.  Cryptically recalling that he "went too far" in his early days before the "children" softened him, Bruce activates Zur-en-Arrh!

In the back-up story, two previously unidentified Penguin heirs - Addison and Aiden - have murdered their ten siblings.  Well, they tried to murder all ten:  Selina manages to prevent a disguised Aiden from murdering Ethan, from "Batgirl."  But he's left in a vegetative state.

Selina puts together this sequence of events the next day when Addison and Aiden arrive at the Executor's office for the will reading.  They have notarized copies of documents vouching for their DNA, and Selina recognizes Aiden is wearing the same cufflinks as Ethan's attacker.  Since the will excludes Ethan due to his vegetative state, the Executor announces that Addison and Aiden inherit the Iceberg Lounge and Penguin's other real-estate holdings.  Addison loses her mind, though, when the Executor announces that Penguin's money goes to the Flights of Fancy Bird Sanctuary in Metropolis.  Aiden then hustles her out the door.

Before Addison and Aiden arrived, Selina asked the Executor for the names of the mothers of Penguin's children so she could split her $500,000 fee among them .  After Addison and Aiden depart, she cryptically asks the Executor for one more address.

All in all, I couldn't be happier with Zdarksy's run so far.  As I hoped, the main story brings the sort of propulsive energy and astute characterization that he brought to Spider-Man, and the Catwoman mystery is a great accompaniment.

Immortal X-Men #5:  Oof.  

The best part of this issue is Bandini and Curiel's art, whose brightness and clarity brilliantly matches Exodus' story as a knight in the employ of a series of messiahs (Apocalypse, Magneto, and now Hope).

Unfortunately, the art does more to walk us through Exodus' thousand-year journey than anything Gillen does.

Exodus realizes that he's lost in his memories because the Uni-Mind is attacking and it's using this ploy on all the Council members to distract them from the attack.  I'll admit that it's a solid plan on the Uni-Mind's part.  I'll also admit that Gillen does a great job of scripting Exodus' fever-driven way of speaking and thinking.  Combined, however, the disjoint narrative and crazed script make the issue difficult to follow.  

I also don't know enough about Exodus' past to know whether Gillen is ret-conning his history, filling in gaps in said history, or rehashing events that we've seen elsewhere.  But it certainly feels odd for Gillen to spend so much time on Exodus' history when this issue also gives us the Hex attacking Krakoa for the first time.

Again, I keep reading this series because it's essential to understanding the X-Men's current status quo not because it's interesting in and of itself.

Moon Knight #14:  McKay and Cappuccio do a great job balancing Marc's characterization-driven conversation with Jake and Steve with the ass-kicking punishment he gets from Grand Mal and Nemean.  

For example, Jake and Steve point out Marc is getting his ass handed to him because he's trying too hard to keep them on the bench.  In fact, they note Marc is usually the one who gets them into trouble.  Marc says that he's trying to hide his disorder from Reece because he doesn't want to scare her away.  Jake and Steve point out Reece is actually managing her chronic disease unlike Marc, who is actively ignoring it.  All excellent points, fellas.

In the end Hunter's Moon and Tigra find Marc's broken body, and Marc agrees to let in Jake and Steve.  Of note, I was happy to see McKay mentioning previous series' events during the conversation, a rare creator who doesn't pretend he invented a legacy character from scratch.  Good times (for us, not Marc), they're a-comin'!

Spider-Man 2099:  Exodus #5:  This issue is similar to the previous ones:  a long series of expository conversations to update us the status quo of another B-list 2099 hero.  This time, it's the X-Men's turn.

The mutants are homeless after the Cabal used its Sentinels to seize the mutant homeland in the Savage Land for reasons I don't think Orlando specifies other than the Cabal is e-v-i-l.  The action (such as it is) starts when Northstar discovers a mutant at the heart of the Celestial Garden, which Cerebra decides means it's the new mutant homeland.  (Ballsy.)

Upon arriving, the X-Men discover an adamantium mountain that Rogue turns to gas using Voght's powers. Inside is a Doom-manufactured canister holding X-Man's eye.  Before Orlando can explain, the Cabal's Sentinels attack.  Spidey and Nostromo arrive to help just as Osborn arrives with more goons.

This issue is perhaps the most wooden of an already mediocre series, as the X-Men are little more than plot-advancing mouthpieces.  I'm glad we're finally wrapping up this series so someone other than Orlando can hopefully take the 2099 ball and run with it.  It isn't a lot, but it's what I've got.

Spider-Punk #4:  When the villain spares the hero in the penultimate chapter, it's usually the author's naked ploy to amp up the drama.  It is here, too.  Unusually, though, Ziglar gives Green Goblin a solid reason for "sparing" Hobie, Kamala, Karl, and Riri:  he's going to execute them publicly!  During his various super-villain monologues, Norman - whose head survived Hobie decapitating him due to the Venom symbiote - explains to Hobie that his death at Hobie's hands made him a martyr to all the fascists and racists who supported him.  I actually thought at various moments that one or more of the Spider-Band might die, so I'm really not sure how next issue is going to go, y'all!

X-Men Red #5:  Unlike "Immortal X-Men" #5, Ewing shines in this tie-in issue, showing us how Uranos decimated Arakko, as we saw in "A.X.E.:  Judgment Day" #1.

It isn't just Uranos himself attacking the Arakkii, but his "armories," a series of destructive tools that range from a bio-metallic slime infecting the Morrowlands to a self-replicating machine army invading Argyre Planitia.  Ewing provides a timer in each panel, underscoring how devastating Uranos' attack is when Brand, Cable, and Magneto are all dead before Uranos uses up 20 minutes of the hour Druig allowed him.  

The scene where Uranos rips out Magneto's heart is particularly brutal and shocking, which makes the last page's revelation that Magneto somehow survives without his heart all the more confusing.  Other than that, it's a pretty spectacular issue that underscores the threat the mutants face in the Eternals.

Three-Month-Old Comics: The July 13 Edition - The Everything-Else Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Moon Knight #13:  Ooo, this series keeps getting better and better.

Moon Knight has set his sights on Tutor and his vampire pyramid-scheme, which remains one of the best and funniest plots that I've ever read in a comic.  According to Moon Knight, he's put off getting vengeance for what Tutor did to Reese for too long.  It's a solid enough excuse; he's had a lot on his plate since then.  I was actually impressed with McKay returning to it.  It's like how the best Batman and Spider-Man writers get the balance between "monthly idiot villain" and "shadowy scheming adversary" just right.  Even though Joker is planning on blowing up Gotham, it doesn't mean Calendar Man isn't also trying to rob a bank.

But McKay goes one further:  Reese and Tigra discuss how Steve is really doing it as revenge for Soldier.  The way everyone talked about Soldier, I figured that we were going to see him in comatose in a hospital.  Instead, Reese turned him into a vampire!  Brilliant!  That said, Tutor is pissed, because he believes that he's the only person in New York who can convert people.  He hires Taskmaster as a consultant and tries to get him to take out Moon Knight.  Taskmaster, wisely, declines.  As such, Tutor hires Grand Mal and Nemean, who I don't know but look, um, unfriendly.

Meanwhile, Reese wants more information about Steve, which Steve is unwilling to provide at this point.  But he does call a meeting between the various personalities, which promises to make next issue a fun one.

I'm really impressed with McKay moving us into such a great premise for the next arc.  These transitions are usually difficult, but McKay launches us here into a status quo that makes perfect sense in terms of where we've been.  Read this series!

Spider-Man 2099:  Exodus #4:  At some point, it became clear that Orlando wasn't putting in too much effort to tell whatever story he initially intended to tell.  For example, Miguel starts this issue by suddenly informing us that he needs to find the Black Widow so that she can lead him to Doom's heir, a technopathic mutant named Nostromo.  Apparently Nostromo turned over Latveria to its people so Miguel figures that he can use his technopathic powers to take out the Cabal's Black Cards without feeling tempted to use said Black Cards.  (Of course, I don't understand why the Cabal couldn't just make new Black Cards, but, again, we're kind of past trying to find narrative logic here.)  

I had to read it twice to (almost) understand, but Nostromo is in hiding because he knows that Doom (and not Osborn) actually killed Jovion the Enactor with Hawkeye's help.  Hawkeye wants Nostromo dead because the Cabal would otherwise want him dead as the only other person who knows that Doom, and not Osborn, killed the Celestial.  (It has something to do with the right of ownership, I think?)  Anyway, after finding Nostromo, Black Widow travels to Hawkeye's orbiting station and kills Hawkeye before he can kill Nostromo.  She's Yelena, somehow, and Hawkeye apparently killed Natasha.  So it's revenge.  Sure.  Great.

Miguel takes Nostromo to the Celestial Garden but Sentinels are attacking so the X-Men on next issue's "heroes of the month."  [Sigh.]  We'll just stop there.

Spider-Punk #3:  This series continues to be the best time in comics.  After the Spider-Van dies in a confrontation with Kingpin's Marauders (a brilliant combination of Armor, Daken, and Sunfire that I wouldn't mind seeing in the real world), Hobie and Kamala put together a side project (hilarious) with Philly's Daredevil to take out Kingpin and free the goods that he hoards so they can fix the van.  (It gave me March 2020 flashbacks, y'all.)  Along the way, we get the same whip-smart banter that we've gotten through out this series.  I love it so, and I would love to see what Ziglar could do beyond the five-issue structure.  But, if I only get these five issues, I'll take it.

Star Wars:  Bounty Hunters #25:  This issue is like an old "Challenge of the Super-Friends" episode, as T'onga and her crew battle the Knights of Ren.  Obviously, that's high praise

Sacks does something here that we often don't see, namely putting the series' main characters in a situation they can't overcome.  When Bossk realizes that they're facing the Knights of Ren and immediately suggests they run, Tasu is dismissive.  By the time the team is lucky enough to escape with their lives, Tasu realizes that the guy with maybe more muscles than he has (i.e., Ren) almost beat him.  I'm hoping Sacks follows up this realization with a deep dive into Tasu's psyche, since it seems like his abilities are almost like Gladiator's, dependent on his self-confidence.  T'onga releasing the injured crew to continue what now seems like a suicide mission to get Cadeliah is poignant, a sign of just how close this crew has become.  It isn't all emotion, though, as Sacks has the characters also get in some pretty great banter.

My only criticism is that Valance continues to feel like an afterthought here.  That said, Sacks ups the stakes as Haydenn learns that the Empire wiped out the Rebel base where Yuralla was stationed.  She declines to tell Valance that, as she's trying to get him to see that he could be happy with the Empire, introducing him to the engineers he saved.  (I don't recall that happening but it sounds like it happened last issue.  I only remember the failure to prevent the officer's assassination last issue.)

The good news is that I feel like Sacks is moving us where we need to be, concluding T'onga's quest for Cadeliah while at the same time preparing Valance for the next stage.  I'm curious where we go when that happens.

Undiscovered Country #19:  This issue is straight to the point.  

While Charlotte and Valentina are stuck in a time loop in Revolutionary War America -- dying in a hail of bullets every time they're discovered -- Ace, Chang, and Janet find themselves at a "V-Day" parade in Times Square.  A besuited President [Alex] Graves is cheering the "great liberators" - Ace, Charlotte, Daniel, Pavel, and Valentina - but the crowd recoils in horror  when they realize the "great villains of our greater nation" are in the crowd - Chang and Janet!

In their era, Charlotte and Valentina wonder how they've gone backwards in history, and it's clear that Ace, Chang, and Janet have gone forward, possibly to an era after the Closing.  It implies some treachery on Chang and Janet's part, treachery that the rest of the team overcame.  But it also raises the question how Alex can be in two times at once, unless he and Daniel arrived here after the events of "Undiscovered Country:  Destiny Man Special" #1.

In other words, it isn't the most exciting issue in and of itself, but it sets up a story that I think could really get to the core of what Snyder and Soule are doing here.

Three-Month-Old Comics: The June 29 Edition - Part Two (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Spider-Man 2099:  Exodus #3:  Thanks to Carlos' art, this issue at least feels like an old-school 2099 story.  Orlando is still using the "hero of the month" schtick that's plagued the 2099 line during its last few iterations, but the heroes he uses here at least make sense in terms of the larger story that he's telling.

To whit, Moon Knight contacts Spider-Man telepathically from her Crescent Crypt on the Moon, where she's been healing since the Masters of Evil killed the Avengers a year earlier.  The Masters at the time were the (Iron) Patriot, Black Knight, Enchantress, Melter, Radioactive Man, and Zemo.  (The Avengers themselves are never identified here; the only one I vaguely recognized one was a gray Hulk.)  After killing the Avengers, the Patriot showed his black card to the people recording the fight with their smartphones, making it clear that he and the Masters were now above the law.

Moon Knight is contacting Spider-Man because her alarms awoke her with the Celestial's arrival.  Her alarms sound again when the Masters (minus the Patriot) return to our solar system after traveling in their spaceship to plunder other systems (including the Cancerverse).  Enchantress exposits that Doom "is gone" so figures (correctly) that Osborn is behind pulling down the Celestial.  (We also learn that Zemo killed Black Knight for insubordination.). 

With Spider-Man agreeing to help Moon Knight get vengeance on the Masters (and stop them from helping Osborn secure the Garden), Moon Knight assembles the team:  John Eisenhart (the Hulk), Rowena Stern (Captain Marvel), Zhe Li (Aero), MacKenzie Salgado (Wave), Roberta Mendez (Captain America), and T'Shamba (Black Panther).  As an old-school 2099 fan, Eisenhart and Mendez's inclusion is the most exciting, as it's the clearest sign that we're gotten that we're operating in some version of the original timeline.  At some point, the Masters had control over Roberta and used John as a "doomsday device."  They also destroyed poisoned "Super Malay" (Wave's homeland) and Wakanda and murdered Rowena's fathers and Zhe's students.  In other words, everyone has a reason for vengeance.

As the fight begins, Miguel realizes that Osborn isn't with the Masters, meaning that they're just his soldiers.  Moon Knight reminds Miguel that they don't want the Masters in charge of the Garden either, so they fight in earnest.  The team makes fairly quick work of the Masters, and Black Panther takes them to Planet Wakanda to stand trial, since they're outside Osborn's black-card immunity.  Moon Knight declares to Planet Wakanda (and presumably Earth) that the Avengers have returned.  As she does so, four additional Avengers are standing with the team:  a Captain Britain, Kid Gladiator (if I'm not mistaken) a She-Hulk, and I think a Black Widow.  In the epilogue, Miguel tells Moon Knight that he's heading for Latveria for help taking down Osborn, though he doesn't explain why.

At any rate, it all is what it is.  It isn't terrible, and I can accept the "hero of the month" approach as long as it's ground in the story like it was in this issue (unlike last issue).  Black Widow and Hawkeye are up next, so we'll see if that peace holds.

Star Wars:  Obi-Wan Kenobi #2:  I don't usually have high hopes for these anthology series, but this issue is great.  One challenge I've found that trips up authors of these sorts of issues is that they imagine too complicated a plot or setting for one issue.  Cantwell successfully avoids that trap and keeps the narrative tightly enough focused that the story really sings. 

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan travel to a moon that has inexplicably descended into darkness.  When they arrive at the mine that sent the S.O.S., they discover bloodshed.  Qui-Gon discovers a thief who admits that he and his crew used a "non-incendiary photonic charge" to take out the outpost's power core.  Obi-Wan realizes that the charge likely resulted in the core's accelerite producing a radiation capable of supressing the light spectrum.

The issue's tension comes from the fact that one of the miners is from a light-sensitive, werewolf-like race.  The darkness has driven him insane, and it's only when Obi-Wan is able to reactivate the core with the help of the mining supervisor that the remaining miners and thieves are saved.  Obi-Wan is temporarily blinded (due to the supervisor having to raise the heat levels high enough to fuse the accelerite back together), which plays nicely to the issue's theme, of Obi-Wan getting lost in the facts in front of him and not feeling the larger context.

In sum, it's a great issue.  If you aren't reading the full series, it's definitely worth checking out this issue.

X-Men Red #4:  This issue is incredibly interesting, as it centers entirely around the question of death and what it means now that mutants are functionally immortal.

The issue arrises in three separate places:  Arrako, Earth, and the Proscenium.

• On Arakko, Ora Serrata, who sits in the Seat of Law, notes that Magneto and Storm are, on some level, cheating in holding seats on the Great Ring.  After all, the seats are won through combat in the Circle.  Ora Serrata caveats her statement by noting that the Great Ring has never allowed back a member who was defeated in the Circle but was somehow later resurrected.  As a result, she isn't saying that Magneto and Storm are cheating because if they died they'll get back their seats.  She's more asking whether Magneto and Storm really faced the same stakes as the rest of them since they knew that they couldn't die.  After some squabbling (particularly with Isca the Unbeaten), Magneto announces that he and Storm have destroyed their backups.  As Storm says, "to everything a season."

• At the Proscenium, Oracle has gathered galactic representatives to announce that Xandra is dead.  Fearing an astro-nuclear war as various Shi'ar factions jockey for control, Oracle is implementing a protocol that Deathbird put in place of shoring up support of the Empire's most important allies.

T'Challa gets around the issue by asking if Krakoa can resurrect Xandra, since she's a mutant.  Orbis Stellaris of the Galactic Rim Collective objects for two reasons:  first, the unfairness of an empress getting resurrected when her subjects do not have a similar option and, second, the possibility of an eternal Xandra becoming a helluva dictator.  Nova recalls resurrecting Xandar with the Nova Force and notes that Xandar was destroyed again during the Annihilation Wave. He stresses that no one is immortal; even if the mutants can resurrect people, it doesn't mean that they don't die.  He supports resurrecting Xandra since he doesn't regret giving the Xandarians a few more days' peace. 

Ororo then announces that Krakoa has already resurrected Xandra, since her father (Charles) heard her psychic broadcast just as Oracle did.  Ororo then basically tells Orbis Stellaris to go fuck itself since mutants won't bow to anyone.  Richard follows her and ask if he can spend some time on Arrako, since his "Nova-sense" has him worried that its Diplomatic Zone is the focal point of a coming "big" event.  Ororo agrees and welcomes him.  Again, I love seeing people like Ororo giving Rich the respect that he deserves.

• On Earth, Roberto is resurrected, since Isca the Unbeaten apparently killed him last issue.  Rockslide is there because he likes to observe the resurrections, though we learn that it really isn't "our" Rockslide:  "our" Santo died in Otherworld as seen in "X of Swords."  This Santo is somehow an amalgam of all possible Santos.  I had to Google to find out it happened in "X-Factor;" an editor's note would've been nice here.  At any rate, the kids called Rockslide "Wrongslide," which he doesn't mind because it at least addresses that he isn't "our" Santo.  He knows that his presence hurts people, which hurts him because he loves it so much on Krakoa.  Roberto echoes what Nova said, that everyone dies.  He then invites Rockslide to Arrako.

Again, I loved the big questions that Ewing is asking here, particularly because it's clearly setting up the next few months of stories given Scott's revelation of mutant immortality.  This series continues to feel like what "Immortal X-Men" is supposed to be.

Three-Month-Old Comics: The June 15 Edition - Part Two (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Spider-Man 2099:  Exodus #2:  Oof.  This issue isn't terrible, exactly, but it isn't all that interesting either.  It's basically a long flashback where a new Valkyrie describes the fall and rebirth of Asgard.

After its initial Aesir program (i.e, "Fall of the Hammer," I think) failed, Alchemax used mysterium to create a Midgard Serpent that destroyed the real Asgard for reasons that aren't 100% clear to me.  (Valkyrie was part of the assault with other Aesir-program members, though I'm also not clear why Alchemax needed them if it had the Midgard Serpent.)  Seeing the writing on the wall, Loki fled (because of course he did).  Valkyrie meets him after he arrives at the Celestial Gardens to collect enough raw Celestial DNA to recreate Asgard.  

Unfortunately, the Midgard Serpent's mysterium remains ambient in Asgard's ruins, preventing Loki (again, for unclear reasons) from resurrecting Asgard.  Instead, he sacrifices himself to purge Asgard of said mysterium.  By mixing his blood with the Celestial DNA, Valkyrie is able to turn herself into a god and create more gods from Earth's undesirables, per Loki's wishes.

What does it have to do with the story at hand?  I have no idea.  It makes even less sense when you consider that Valkyrie is telling Miguel this story as she refuses to help him take down the Cabal.  According to her, the New Asgardians have suffered at rich people's hands enough.  Assuming I buy this idea that Loki really cared about the undesirables in the first place, wouldn't they want to take on the Cabal now that they have the power to do so?  I guess not.  Valkyrie simply tells Miguel that the best way to destroy gods is to make them mortal, which isn't exactly novel assistance.

At least next issue it looks like we're getting the story about the Cabal killing the Avengers, so I guess that's something?

Star Wars:  Bounty Hunters #24:  This issue is solid, though you can tell that Sacks is struggling to find a way to keep Valance in this series.  The panels dedicated to his failure to save an Imperial general from a Crimson Dawn assassination feels like an unnecessary distraction from the main story.  

Speaking of said story, Dengar predictably betrays T'onga and her crew.  First, he convinces T'onga to allow him to interrogate Vukorah; he cuts the video feed and hands Vukorah a knife.  (You would've thought T'onga would've questioned why he needed to cut the video feed, but you would've gussed wrong.)  At any rate, Vukorah is gunning for Losha, who's furious that T'onga left her on the ship while she and the guys invade the Vermillion.  That said, they're not in a great place as they come face-to-face with the Knights of Ren.  

Meanwhile, Dengar thinks he can successfully play both sides against each other so that he can make enough money to extricate himself permanently from the bounty-hunting game, though I don't have high hopes that he's going to outsmart Qi'ra. 

X-Men Red #3:  I feel like I missed an issue here.  

First, I don't recall Thunderbird's altercation with Cable at the Red Lagoon, a score that Thunderbird intends to settle when he arrives at Arbor Magna immediately after the Five resurrect Cable.  It turns out it's all a ruse so they can get some alone time to discuss Brand with Manifold.  Even if I did remember the original altercation, I don't get why they couldn't just have met somewhere to talk.  Why the elaborate ruse?  Is Krakoa a surveillance state where they have to convince Council members that it isn't worth spying on them?

Second, I didn't realize that Tarn was some sort of enemy of the Arakkii?  I searched my blog and only found one reference to him.  Given that I'm supposed to understand that all the Arakki hate Tarn, it probably would've been helpful for Ewing to remind me why a little more.  "X of Swords" was a while ago, and we're still juggling a lot of new characters here.

At any rate, the Cable and Thunderbird discussion is obviously coming to relevance at another time as this issue is dedicated to Vulcan challenging Tarn for the Seat of Loss.  Ororo is suspicious that Brand set up Vulcan:  the Seat of Loss is apparently the Great Ring's least influential seat, and Ororo figures that Vulcan on his own would go a more important one (like hers).  It's interesting that the Great Ring's seats have different values, even though they all have the same voting power.  Meanwhile, working for Brand, Mentallo discovers Vulcan's mental barriers, which he figures are fading if he can see them though Xavier initially didn't.

It all leads to Tarn making quick work of Vulcan after they both use their powers to shut off each other's mutant powers.  Magneto eventually steps into the ring after initially declining Ororo's invitation to do so.  He uses his helmet to block Tarn's powers (which are apparently psycho-kinetic in nature) and then crushes his skull with the helmet.  

This outcome is essentially a foregone conclusion after Roberto bets Isca the Unbeaten that Tarn wins.  Since her side of the bet would be Magneto winning, Ewing implies that Isca's power ensures Magneto's victory, as Roberto knew all along.  I'm glad that Ewing isn't putting Roberto in a kiddie role, as his deception here proves how remarkably clever he is.  That said, it took me several readings to understand the stakes.  I also don't know if I buy them.  Isca never accepted the bet, so I don't get how her powers were activated.  Couldn't everyone just make a one-sided challenge to her?  Roberto says that he's found a way to make her lose without losing, which I guess means that she supported (and lost) Tarn.  After all, she mentiones that she fought alongside him for 1,000 years.  But Ewing doesn't make it clear if she did so because she supported him or if she had to do so?

At any rate, the Seat of Loss is relevant to Magneto, as he previously said that he refused to fight over his ongoing devastation that his daughter Anya wasn't a mutant and thus the Five can't resurrect her.  I wonder where we're going with that idea.

Three-Month-Old Comics: The May 25 Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Amazing Spider-Man #2:  Jesus fucking Christ.  I thought I was going to spend this review complaining about how Mary Jane is now a step-mother or something else related to last issue's revamping of Peter's status quo.   But Wells makes it clear that these concerns really pale (heh) in comparison to the fact that Tombstone might really just kill Spider-Man after he tricks Peter into a trap.  Underlining that Tombstone is playing for keeps, Wells has Tombstone send away Janice because he's going to become the man that he's never wanted her to see.  It's...a lot.  As disappointed as I am about the Mary Jane situation, I am more and more excited that Wells is going to meet my (high) hopes for him taking over the title.

Moon Knight #11:  Zodiac goes full Joker here, revealing his goal is to take away everything from Marc so that he can become "self-actualized."  To Zodiac's mind, that means Marc killing everyone all the time.   His plan was to lure Marc to where Jigsaw was holding Dr. Sterman.  While Jigsaw killed Dr. Sterman in front of Marc, Zodiac would kill Reese at the Mission.  

Thankfully, Jigsaw is an idiot, so Marc, Tigra, and Winner manage to save Dr. Sterman.  That said, Zodiac isn't an idiot, so he's definitely got time to kill Reese and at least a few neighbors before Marc and/or the police arrive.  In order to get there in time to prevent that outcome, Marc asks for Khonshu's help.  

I haven't gotten over the PTSD I feel from reading "Avengers:  Age of Khonshu;" I still don't understand why Marc sold Khonshu down the river when Khonshu was right about Mephisto.  But Khonshu doesn't seem angry enough about it to let Marc shirk his responsibilities as Moon Knight and opens a path for him and Tigra to get to the Mission as quickly as possible.  Because it's "Moon Knight," Khonshu makes it clear that it's going to get bloody.  

Meanwhile, Soldier dresses as Mr. Knight and goes with Reese to confront Zodiac to buy Moon Knight some time.  (I'm worried about Soldier's handsome face.)  Given his and Reese's dedication, Zodiac makes an excellent point about how Khonshu isn't the only one with Fists.  Let's see how they fly!

Newburn #7:  The series takes a turn as we learn that Emily was a former cadet who left the academy after she and another cadet were somehow involved in a murder.  Unfortunately, it turns out the murdered person was the nephew of the Albano family's boss.  When the other cadet - now a police officer - gets in too deep to pay off his gambling debt, he sells this information to the guy running the den who in turns sells it to the Albanos.  

Emily bumps into her former classmate as she's helping Newburn investigate the murder of the Yakuza boss.  Her classmate arrests her to prevent her from leaving HQ since he knows that the Albanos are going to kill her.

I don't entirely get how he knew the Albanos chose that moment - while she was in a police station - to kill her, but I'm hoping Zdarsky explains that later.  It borders on pet peeve #3 by having one of the hitmen complain about taking out someone at a police station, which, you know, doesn't seem the best idea.

Past the Last Mountain #3:  If this series' main story has so far been about the sacrifices necessary to maintain hope and innocence in the post-war era, the War Stories have been about the war's brutality - emotionally, physically, and socially.  These themes converge in this issue, as Simon is driven to murder.

In fact, the main story's theme this issue is on the "peace's" brutality.  Neil brings three Goblins with him as he searches for the companions.  On the way to where they think the companions are, the lead Goblin taunts Neil about how scared humans are of Goblins.  In this exchange, we learn that humans not only keep Goblins in cages in a pit but refuse to give them names:  they get a number.  It's chilling to see how dehumanized, if you will, the humans have made the Goblins.  But we also realize, by comparison, that they're not treating the other creatures much better:  the humans, not their parents, give them their names.  Neil asks the Goblin what his name is, and the Goblin refuses to answer.

The teams lands and the Goblins find the companions.  Willa lays down fire to scatter the humans and attacks one, which results in another human dropping the pole he was using to restrain the lead Goblin.  In turn, he tells the other Goblins to fight their bloodlust and run, a sign of how his bravado in the helicopter was a sign of who he used to be, not who he is now.  When Neil angrily shouts "47" at him (revealing his number), 47 turns and attacks.  Trevor throws himself in front of Neil, and 47 devours him. 

It's here where innocence, if not hope, dies.  Simon is holding the sword that Kate dropped in a fight with a human and uses it to kill 47 in revenge for "Trevor Trollfriend's" murder.  In a devastating flashback, we see that 47 didn't tell Neil the name that his parents gave him because he no longer remembered it.  As we contemplate the end of 47's shattered life, Neil is shaken when he realizes that Simon is his son's age.  He tells Simon that he should've protected him and lets the companions go.  He then kills the remaining Goblins so they can't follow them and tells the team that they're retreating.  

Meanwhile, Kate succumbs to the tranquilizer dart that a human successfully fired at her and tells Willa to leave with Simon.  Willa wants to kill the rest of the humans to keep Kate safe, but Simon grabs her and drags her through the forest, telling Willa that they'll keep going like Kate would've done for them.  We then learn that Dragon Lake is real:  it's the crossing into Alberta, Canada.  That said, it's unclear how well the armed guards at the heavily fortified crossing will treat the companions.

Fittingly, the War Stories are particularly brutal this month, as war has left a Fairy seeing her harp only its possible use as a weapon and two Troll children watch the humans murder their general father.  If the peace is brutal, the war is worse.

Spider-Man 2099:  Exodus #1:  Although I enjoyed this issue, I'm concerned that Orlando is going to go the "Marvel 2099" route, where this mini-series devolves into just presenting the 2099 versions of current B- and C-list characters.

It begins right where "Spider-Man 2099:  Exodus - Alpha" #1 ended, with Miguel successfully ferrying Zero's people to Transverse City.  Mission accomplished, Miguel is concerned that Osborn's bounty will have "mothers gutting sons" to secure the Celestial Garden for him.  Zero shows his gratitude for Miguel's assistance by bringing in Winter Solider 13 to help.  He informs Miguel that she has a "standing offer" on the murmurnet to trade intelligence for wetworks.

As she approaches a fortress in Zimnii Metch (Siberia, Free Russian Alliance), 13 exposits that her story really began when the new chief of the Winter Solider program decided they were too dangerous.  As such, he set up the Soldiers to sabotage Alchemax's "relaunched Aesir program" only for one of the "deified death troops" (i.e., Thor) to destroy everyone but 13.  (If I remember "Fall of the Hammer" from the original 2099 timeline correctly, we never really got a good sense of what Alchemax wanted to do with the original Aesir program.)  We learn that the intelligence that 13 wanted via her murmurnet offer was on her betrayers.  Zero gives her the information she needed most:  it's where the final one was hiding, which is why we're in Zimnii Metch.

13 enters the fortress to find Chief Woland, presumably the aforementioned chief.  We learn that he's a Cabal pledge and wants to win Osborn's bounty.  In exchange for a cracked mysterium datadrive that tells her who she is, Woland suggests she come with him to the Celestial Gardens to heal the drive and win the bounty.  Instead, she kills him, risking the Boneyard - the Cabal's security team - coming after her.  Using Woland's black card, 13 boards a teletrain to Nueva York.  

Once the jump gate opens, 13 exits into the Wastes, knowing Crossbones is on her tail.  Their fight is brutal, as Crossbones rips off her metal arm and taunts her about killing Bucky and taking his arm as a prize.  (I guess Crossbones was part of the crew that publicly killed the Avengers.)  Using a knife that she swiped from a kind older woman who fed her on the train, 13 cuts off Crossbones' arm and plunges the knife through his skull.

Using the Garden to affix Barnes' arm and heal the drive, 13 is stunned to learn that her family is real.  In a rare win for the 2099 reality, she finds them.  In exchange, she uses her "winter song" (i.e., her emp power) to take out Madame Web's airborne servers and, with them, the murmurnet.  By silencing "the entire dark metaverse," she effectively shut down the bounty.  Miguel expresses concern that they'll come after her, but she probably correctly surmises that Osborn is going to have to go after the Garden himself since he can't rely on the bounty for people to do it for him.

Again, I enjoyed this issue and 13's story.  That said, I'm worried that next issue's focus on Loki means this "event" is just yet another short-story collection Marvel plans on forgetting once it reboots the 2099 line yet again.  I hope I'm wrong.

 

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