Seven-Month-Old Comics!: The May 15 Top-Shelf Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

G.I. Joe:  A Real American Hero #306:  This issue is basically just walking us through the various evil-doer plots and counter-plots.

Zartan manages to trick Serpentor Khan's heat seeking missile into destroying his Swamp Speeder without him on it and knows enough about how the world works to know that the M.A.R.S emblem on the missile's shrapnel means Destro is definitely not the person trying to kill him.  

On Cobra Island, Khan is frustrated by the lack of a confirmed hit on Zartan but delights over the enhanced cyborgs Revanche is producing.  

At Destro's castle, one of his aides approaches him and whispers that Zartan (who's speaking to Destro at that moment) is a simulacrum.  At that moment, "Zartan" is trying to convince Destro to join forced to take on Cobra Commander in Springfield.  The Baroness goes to kill "Zartan," but Destro stops her.  Correctly deducing Serpentor Khan is behind the ruse, Destro decides to use "Zartan" to feed misinformation to Serpentor.  

In Springfield, Cobra guards open fire on Dawn's parents's car after a patrolman stops them from leaving town.  (They shoot because Dawn's mother tells the patrolman she's going for their papers in the glove compartment, and the patrolman — probably correctly — surmises she's going for a gun.)

At Revanche HQ in Jersey, a Blue Ninja confirms to Alpha-001 that they found Serpentor's extra chip on ones of the cyborgs.  They then reprogrammed the latest shipment of chips to add a Revanche override to Serpent's chip.

A group of Joes (Wet-Suit, Helix, Multo, and Muskrat) quietly arrive on Cobra Island.

Finally, in the Bayou, Zartan informs the Dreadnoks someone tried to kill him, and Ripper suggests they set up an alliance with Destro.

Napalm Lullaby #3:  I'm trying to like this one, but Remender isn't making it easy.

Glokor's Citadel of Heaven is basically an upscale mall, where everyone there mindlessly pursues conformism and vanity.  Sarah dubs it "moral fascism," as they willingly refuse to consider any viewpoints other than their own and, as such, are all complicit in "our decline...so long as it keeps them comfortable."  As an empath, Sam is overwhelmed by this extreme level of egotism and begins to lose control over his ability not to set things on fire.

An angel exposits the basic framework on how Heaven works:  you climb the pyramid's 30 levels to cleanse your soul of the "filth of Kestuul," who "used science to control us" and gave us "hedonism, lust, depravity, barbarism, abortion, homosexuality, greed, pollution, and war."  The Leader later informs the pilgrims that they have to recruit 100 souls for baptism for their "ultimate salvation."

An angel sniffs out a "sindicator," but it isn't Sam, it's a would-be terrorist planning on detonating himself.  (How did he get into the Citadel?)  But the guards manage to cover him in some sort of plasma that restrains the blast, igniting only the would-be bomber.  

Another angel eventually identifies Sam, Sarah, and their father, who tries to get them to leave.  Sarah resists and starts to say something about making it all this way.  She doesn't get to finish that thought because the Janitor incinerates her father, whom she calls Xander.  Also, the Janitor may be their mother.

It's hard to tell here how exactly Glokor's religion works.  If I'm guessing correctly, the Citadel began with a certain number of rich people living there.  They now form the Citadel's elites, and the pilgrims have to bring in the people for their Ponzi scheme to work.

At any rate, I'm not really buying any of it, so I'm getting off this train here.

Redcoat #2:  This series is definitely the Ghost Machine launch that I could see myself abandoning soon.  I mentioned last issue that Simon isn't particularly likable, but after this issue I have to admit that he isn't particularly interesting, either.

The melee that began last issue continues here, as Simon and Einstein fight off the cultists.  One of them manages to hit Simon with an axe etched with symbols, though Simon shrugs off the attack.  As he narrates the battle, Simon tells us that it's the first time he's engaged with the cultists since he became immortal in 1776 and that he's only aware of one other immortal besides himself.  He assesses this group of cultists as young and not ageless making him wonder what they want with him.  But, given it's Simon, he doesn't wonder too much and bolts, leaving Einstein to follow.

As they walk through Boston Simon tries to lose Einstein, though suddenly a blue flare of energy emits from his wound, knocking them both off their feet.  Einstein tells him that he won't heal from this wound as easily as he usually does, saying that he and everyone else in the United States are in danger.

On a train to New York, Einstein explains how his sister, Maja, had visions of "glowing men and metal soldiers and an immortal mercenary in a red coat."  Maja predicts a ritual gone wrong will leave America "burning from coast to coast."  These visions came while Einstein was in a phase where he was actively trying to prove "spiritualists, magicians, and fortune tellers" wrong given his newfound belief in science.  However, Maja correctly predicts a fire in their father's workshop and other visions come to pass.  After their parents don't believe her, Maja sends Einstein to find Simon.

Simon isn't really buying what Einstein is selling but agrees to travel with him to find the one person he knows who might be able to answer the questions Einstein raises.  The wound lets off energy again on a train, and Einstein says that he thinks Simon's condition will get worse because the cultists knew that only Simon can stop them.  They arrive in New York and head to the mansion of the founder of the "so-called Society of Patriarchs" as he's throwing a lavish Gilded Age party.  The founder is Simon's fellow immortal, Benedict Arnold.  

Although they're rivals, Benedict also seems to take care of Simon, for reasons Johns doesn't explain.  Benedict sends Simon and Einstein into his study so he can finish dancing with J.P. Morgan's daughter (smart, Benny) and enters just as Simon suffers another burst of energy from the wound.  As he does, Simon has a vision of fire spreading from sea to sea as Maja did.  Benedict recognizes the axe as the Axe of Lies and informs Simon that he'll be dead (for realsies) in three days.

The Weatherman, Vol. 3 #5:  [Breathes.]

I don't know what to say here.  Every issue of this series manages to top the previous one.  I opened this issue with trepidation, scared of the things LeHeup planned for characters I love.  I was correct.  It was brutal.

We begin with Burga's staff figuring out a way get around Zane jamming their transmission so she can get out a message to the Martian people that the Sword of God has acquired a second sample of the biophagus and, unless a "small tactical force of elite Arcadian operatives" stop it, Mars will go the way of Earth and Venus.  As Burga tells everyone to go to their loved ones and make their peace, Cross, the Marshal, and White Light arrive at the facility, with a furious looking Ian and Jenner looking down at them from the top of the wall.

Cross blows open the gates and sends White Light to disable the hypergate and the Marshal to destroy the power source.  When the Marshal asks where she's going, she says simply, "Don't wait for me," and the three of them silently go their separate ways.

White Light encounters Molly, and their battle is brutal.  Molly uses a grenade to throw White Light into a set of pipes, but White Light uses her electric knife to set the chemicals leaking from the pipe on fire, thus setting Molly on fire.  At this point, we learn Molly is mostly metal as her still-burning self emerges from the fire like Arnold in "Terminator."

Cross arrives in one of Alice's labs but hears an explosion outside the doors.  She sees the Marshal with his back unknowingly to the fire (which I think is from the blast that White Light caused) and shouts a warning to him just as a huge tank explodes.  The Marshal manages to jump to safety, but the floor collapses under him.  He finds himself on the floor below that one, face-to-face with the power source...and Jenner.  Cross scrambles to get to the Marshal, but Ian appears and slams her into the ground.  Notably, Cross calls him Nathan, not Ian.

Molly is on a full tear after White Light, opening fire on her.  White Light uses a steel plate to deflect the bullets only for Molly to use her chainsaw arm to cut the plate in half.  Spewing a flame thrower, Molly corners White Light, who manages to hurdle over Molly and collapse a door frame on her, buying White Light a few minutes.

Jenner calls the Marshal by his name —Komatsu Michio — and asks if he's there to bring him to justice.  The Marshal says justice has nothing to do with it, and Jenner simply says, "Of course.  Revenge.  Are they not one and the same?"  The Marshal then tells him he's always talked too much and attacks with his katana.

Upstairs, Amanda tells Ian that she doesn't want to hurt him, and he wordlessly pummels her.  After grabbing her electric knife, he kicks her off the platform onto a lower one and leaps in the air, knife above his head, missing Cross only when she manages to roll to her side.  She then tells him that she definitely wants to hurt him now.

Molly hunts White Light, telling her women should support other women in the workplace (ha!) as she arrives at a magnetron (or some other large device with magnets).  Seeing White Light in the control room, Molly tries to bolt, but White Light activates the device, ripping all the metal off her body.  Appalled by Molly's remains of a body, White Light puts her hand to her mouth, only for Molly to sign, "Thank you," before dying.  Oof.

At the power source, Jenner tells the Marshal that family made him soft.  He tells him that he was a credit to the ORCA program and asks if he knew why they ended the program.  The Marshal manages to shoot out part of the ceiling above Jenner, seemingly killing him.  But Jenner emerges covered in the biophagus, stating, "I happened."  

Jenner reveals the "the suits found a way to splice [his] DNA with the healing properties of the virus" to "build a better murderer."  Jenner then rips off the Marshal's cybernetic arms and —pasted over a flashback of him killing everyone in the lab that made him what he is — impales the Marshal with his cyberblade arm.  He then hands the Marshal the locket from last issue as the facility's PA announces, "Maximum energy output exceeded."  The Marshal looks at the pictures in the locket and, in a flashback, sees a beautiful woman at the beach with her boy playing with a bucket in the surf behind her.  He then dies.

You guys.  Not the Marshal.  I can't.

Seven-Month-Old Comics!: The May 8 Top-Shelf Edition - Part One (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

The Boy Wonder #1:  I'm glad I put this issue on my top-shelf list, because it's as good as everyone says.  Ba uses a framing device in which Damian tells a story to a thief who's taken him hostage, because he feels like the guy could use a minute.  

The story involves him going on his first solo adventure.  Well, it's actually his second solo adventure.  On his first one, Damian cut off the perp's head and, seeing the horror on Batman's face when he found him, realizes that he doesn't fit into the Family.  But Damian hears of a demon plaguing Undersell and, while Bruce is outside Gotham on a mission, figures that he's the right Family member to stop it since he's a demon, too.  

Of course, Alfred is nothing if not observant and sends a married Dick and Barbara to watch over Damian who's furious.  They confront the "demons," but it turns out Clayface was posing as them to throw the cops off his trail.  Damian leaps into the fray too quickly and has to watch as Dick and Barbara take down Clayface.  After the battle, Damian watches Dick kiss Barbara and realizes that both he and his father lack this trait that Dick has:  love.  Dick also tells Damian that they're not just there to beat up bad guys but to help their victims, too.  

Damian heads into the night and stops a mugging.  Remembering Dick's words, he helps the older woman to his feet as an enormously proud Dick watches from the rooftops.  Damian is also pleased with himself but then hears the woman scream again as a demon grabs her and escapes.  Damian narrates that he now needs a hunter, so we're seeing Jason next issue. 

Again, it's just great.  It isn't morose, but it isn't fluff, and the art is spectacular.  I highly recommend.

Crocodile Black #1:  I loved Johnson's "The Last God," and I was excited to jump on here.  I read the issue twice, and Johnson manages to tell us what the point of the story is without giving away the farm, so I'm excited to see where we go.

In May 2021, someone brutally kills a "security guard" (think "Mafia don's henchman") on the ground floor of a house.  Before the killer murders him, the second guard recognizes the killer and tells him the don is upstairs.  The killer still crashes a potted plan on his head.

A month earlier, teenager Danny is listening to a movie while drawing in a sketchbook when the parental controls end his movie.  He exits his room, and his mom is overly enthusiastic in greeting him.  His older sister, Jess, invites him to watch a movie; Danny says she doesn't have to do so (as a red squiggly figure appears on the floor between them), and Jess says she wants to do it.  He agrees and prepares to leave for his job delivering groceries.  Danny's mom tells him that she wants him to follow the rules so he can "move up" and tells him to say good-bye to his father before he leaves.  Danny replies that his father is working and leaves.

On the job, Danny is talking to his therapist, complaining about his parents being "up in my shit all the time."  The therapist exposits that Danny has an obsessive disorder and they have to use things like parental controls to keep his escapism in check.  Danny tells his therapist that his favorite part of his job is wearing his mask when no one else is because he can be anyone he wants under there.  The therapist is rightfully disturbed by that comment.  He asks about his sketchbook and the last time he saw Matty, and we now see that the red squiggly guy is a doodle of a little boy with a cap sitting in Danny's backseat.

Dan arrives at a house with a delivery for Leo Black, and he's disturbed when he finds the house is largely abandoned.  Danny walks through the house looking for someone and eventually finds an old man dead in a chair.  Danny notices the man's black crocodile shoes and then calls 9-1-1.  After reporting the guy needing medical attention, Danny steals Black's still burning cigarette and wallet.

At dinner that night, Danny's mom asks about work, and Danny imagines his face in one of the shoes.  (It's weird.)  His sister comments on his ominous chuckle, but his clueless mom asks if it means he's making friends.  His mom hopes he'll get a better "score" and, OMG, this woman is clueless.  Danny then sees himself eating his spaghetti from the shoe when his dad asks if he did any drawing at work.  Everyone loses their shit.  Danny asks if his dad has been searching his room again, and his dad delivers an answer that confirms he's a dick:  "It's my house."  OMG, fuck you, dude.  

Danny reminds him that those drawings are from his sessions, and his father asks why Matty is on a tricycle.  Danny again reminds him that he said he couldn't go in his room again, and his father gleefully antagonizes him, saying that Danny claimed he couldn't remember anything so why is Matty on a tricycle.  (Clearly something traumatic happened here.)  Danny again tells him not to go through his shit, and Danny's father again says, "Or what?  It's my house."  Danny starts to leave, and Jess tries to stop him.  Danny's dad continues, saying he can answer the question given his brother "apparently vanished into thin fucking---"

Danny throws his plate at him, and his father comments, "Struck a nerve, huh?"  (I want this man to die alone and in pain.)  Danny's mom tells Danny's dad to shut his mouth, but Danny's dad says that it's good, they can see who he really is under there.  To this point, Danny begins to imagine a crocodile.  Danny leaves as his father insists he'll return and Jess stands in the doorstep asking him not to go.

One month later, Detective Trivosonno, or Triv, is investigating a crime scene, namely the one that started the issue.  In the past, we see Danny entering Leo's house and taking the crocodile shoes off his body.  (I think Danny returned to the house after the argument, but I'm not really sure.  After all, he called 9-1-1, so presumably they would've taken the body by the time Danny could return.  So maybe he did it when he initially found the body?)  Triv says that the boot prints are everywhere, which usually means that the perp wants to get caught.  But, here, Triv wonders if they're watching someone finding his calling.

In other words, it's creepy as fuck and I guess I'm totally rooting for a serial killer?  (It's certainly the month for that...)

Energon Universe 2024 Special #1:  Ho boy, the team really delivers here.

The "Transformers" story is spectacular, everything we've come to expect of Johnson.  It's like he knew we could go exactly this long, and not a moment longer, without Megatron, so he gets him in the game here.  In the familiar fight aboard the Ark that precedes the Transformers' arrival on earth, we see him monologuing and rampaging as he's wont to do.  He kills Brawn, and an enraged Optimus tells him to stop.  Megatron gloats that the "leader of the Autobots" is "begging for an end," which is a particularly Megatron spin on Optimus simply telling him to stop.  

Megatron accuses Optimus' softness of bringing "malaise to our precious home" and pokes out his eye screaming, "Your weakness was the downfall of Cybertron!"  But Optimus doesn't take it lying down and uses his energy axe to cut off Megatron's arm (explaining how it was on the Ark, as we've seen in "Transformers").  He then kicks Megatron out the Ark's open door, and Megatron is barely able to grab onto the Ark with his one good hand.  Starscream sees his chance and shoots Megatron in the eye, hilariously saying, "Shhh...don't worry...rest now."

Megatron falls to Earth where, as we know from "Cobra Commander," Cobra-La found him.  He awakens in the lab in Cobra-la, screaming, "Starscream."  Heh.  The scientists try to shut down Megatron but obviously fail, and he breaks his bonds.  He steps on a scientist and demands to know where his "limbs" are, and the scientist points him to the one they found.  (Megatron must've mellowed, because he lets him live.)  Megatron holds up his shoulder to the limb and it self-heals, which isn't a thing I think we've seen before.

At this point, Golobulus and his troops arrive, and Golobulus tells Megatron he belongs to him.  Megatron is cocky and starts to tear through the soldiers, but Golobulus manages to take out his remaining good eye.  Interestingly, Megatron screams that he isn't only the leader of the Decepticons but also of the "True Way."  Realizing he's losing, Megatron flees Cobra-La.  On a cliff in the mountains outside Cobra-La, he announces, "I am coming for you, Starscream."  I, for one, cannot wait!

Meanwhile, it just keeps getting better as we move onto the "Void Rivals" story.  At a spaceport, Skuxxoid is annoyed that Slizardo is pointing a blaster at him.  He explains that he found the alloy that matched the specifications Slizardo sent him but, after they agreed to meet at the spaceport, the Quintessons took it from him (as seen in "Void Rivals" #6).  He mentions the Quintessons' interest in the fact it was "Zertonian," at which point Hot Rod reveals himself!  You guys!  I cannot explain how stoked I am!

Hot Rod clearly hired Slizardo to find the alloy, and Kirkman does a great job nailing his personality in just this short scene.  ("Hello?  Giant intimidating robot here, remember?")  Hot Rod tells Skuxxoid that he's tracking "an ally of mine who's gone missing" and was "obsessed with an old Cybertroning legend, thinking it would lead him to some way of saving our world."  Skuxxoid gives Hot Rod all the information he has, including the trajectory of the Agorrian and Zertonian when they left.  Hot Rod quips, "Stay out of trouble, kids.  I mean it." and leaves, and Skuxxoid tells Slizardo he's going home to his wife and kids.  Meanwhile, an agent of some sort watches from the shadows.

The "G.I. Joe:  A Real American Hero" story is solid and pretty straight-forward as Duke convinces the Baroness to join his team.  First, he has to convince Hawk, who isn't thrilled.  But Duke reminds Hawk that he wanted them thinking outside the box and notes the Baroness is the only one looking at the box through a sniper sight.  Later, two assailants attack the Baroness, and Duke saves her.  It turns out the assailants were Flint and Lady Jaye and Hawk sent them after her:  apparently, Hawk's reluctance to let Duke "hire" the Baroness was because he wanted her for a different team he's assembling.  And he wonders why he has "trust issues" with Duke!

Geiger #2:  OMG, I'm as over Nate as Geiger is.

The issue begins with Nate feeling guilty over the fact they killed a hog, leaving behind his mate and two piglets.  He tells Geiger about a one-eyed man who counted cards better than anyone at the Camelot and how the king eventually ordered Nate and his men to pluck out the man's remaining eye with a cocktail fork.  Geiger tells Nate that he isn't a priest and doesn't want to talk — they're just heading into Silverton, where the man who was cured allegedly last resided.

In Silverton, the sheriff tells them that the town would happily string up Nate given the torment the Nuclear Knights inflicted on the town.  Instead, the sheriff offers a trade:  if Geiger takes out a masked raider who's been stealing from the town, he'll give him the name of the man who was cured and his last known location and the townsfolk won't kill Nate.  Geiger says he isn't a gun-for-hire, and the sheriff says he'll really let the townsfolk kill Nate.

Geiger takes the deal, which probably sets up a pattern in coming issues, of Geiger as his own "A-Team."  (Nate certainly isn't B.A. or Face.)  Nate is once again prattling as they wait for the raider to arrive that night.  Geiger loses it when Nate says they're heroes, and his powers activate (despite the rods) and set his book on fire.  Geiger reminds Nate that the townsfolk would hang both of them if they had a chance, so it isn't heroism so much as a trade.  Geiger dismisses him as a waste of time, and Nate once again gets all hang-dog, forcing Geiger to feel badly (though grudgingly).

Thankfully, the raider arrives and distracts everyone.  Nate literally weighs down Geiger in the pursuit, but they finally catch the guy in a covered pickup truck where they find he has a wife and three kids.  Geiger spares him (but tells him to stop raiding the town) and gives the cracked mask to the sheriff to get the name:  Ash Arden in Lewistown, Montana.

Later, as Geiger and Nate depart for Montana, the raider tells his wife that Geiger was a gift from god who reminded them to return to the "righteous path."  Horrifyingly, though, the man from last issue appears and electrocutes the guy, demanding the wife tell him where the Glowing Man went before he moves onto the children.  The guy's face is familiar, so I think we know who he is?  I guess we'll see.

Eight-Month-Old Comics!: The March 20 Top-Shelf Edition - Part One (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Blade Runner 2039 #11:  This issue is a rare misstep for Johnson, as Ash takes a total fucking leave of her senses.

Picking up where we left off last issue, Cal gives Ash the name of his contact, telling Ash that the contact sources materials for Niander Wallace, Jr. and warning Ash that the woman is very dangerous.  

Meanwhile, at Wallace, Jr.'s, an LAPD captain informs him of Luv's disappearance and complains that Wallace, Jr. provided them with a faulty product.  (That's some chutzpah.)  At the Underground's headquarters, though, it turns out Luv isn't dead — she's a live and captive, tied to a chair.  Referring to Rash as a thing, Ash tells Freysa that they can't trust her.  Rash offers to help get Ash close to Wallace, Jr., and Ash — not unreasonably — tells Rash that she doesn't trust her enough for that.  Ash suddenly has a spell, and Freysa convinces her to take Rash with her to see Cal's contact.

As they fly to a nice villa, Ash again treats Rash as a thing, calling her a "machine built for murder."  Rash — also not unreasonably — points out the "old man in San Francisco" was trying to kill her.  At the villa, a small Japanese woman named Daisy greets them and offers them tea.   When Ash tells her that they're there for information about Wallace, Jr., Daisy refers to him as "Nandy" and informs them that she was his nursemaid.

When Ash insists on asking questions, Daisy calls in her pleasure model, an enormous dude named Hanii.  (Good for her, though.  "Nandy" obviously hooked her up well.)  Ash tells Daisy to cut the shit and asks what she sources for "Nandy."  Daisy replies that she gets goods you can't buy — "organic," "fresh."  Ash informs Daisy that she (Daisy) is going to set up a meeting with Wallace, Jr. for them at their usual spot; she tells Daisy to tell him that it's urgent and to come alone.  When Daisy reasonably asks why she would do that, Ash tells her that both she and Hanii will be picking up each other's teeth if she doesn't.

I need to stress her how huge Hanii is (and, no, I don't mean huge that way, though he probably is).  I get Ash sees herself as dangerous, but it's hard to believe that Ash —who just had a spell that prompted Rash to come as an escort — would seriously think she could threaten Daisy into setting up a trap for Wallace, Jr., even with Rash with her.  If it were that easy, someone would've offed him ages ago.

At any rate, later, at the Griffin Observatory, Wallace, Jr. is prepared for Ash, who shoves a bound Luv at him.  He informs Ash that he read about her "affliction" in her police file (which he used to build Rash) and devised a cure for it, which is how we end the issue.

Again, my main complaint here is that I don't believe Wallace, Jr. would be so easy to meet.  I get Daisy is in Wallace, Jr.'s inner circle and it's a sign of Cal's connections that he could get Ash to her.  But I don't believe Wallace, Jr. would leave himself so vulnerable, even if he was prepared for Ash (as he is here).  Also the idea that Daisy would set up the meeting but not warn Wallace, Jr. is absurd.

Also, since we're resurrected pet peeves, we get an example of pet peeve #1 here, since Cal is only in this issue for a hot minute despite featuring prominently on the cover.

Cobra Commander #3:  This series remains bloody and fun.

Ripper enters the Dreadnoks' bar with Zarana and shoots one of the patrons to get everyone's attention.  (Heh.)  Zarana reveals an Energon cube, which she calls "The Juice," expositing that they've all seen what it can do, that it's a kind of fuel unlike anything they've ever seen.  In order to sell it to the highest bidder, Zarana reminds the Dreadnoks that they need to make sure no one steals it first.  She informs them that Buzzer and Ripper saw someone sniffing around her brother's "old lab." 

On cue, Zarana's other brother, Zandar, interrupts, arriving with a chained up CC, whom he's dragged from the alligator pit.  Zarana remind her those swamps are off-limits (for reasons she doesn't explain), and Zandar dismisses her outrage, saying that he was trying to find the "good stuff."  Buzzer tries to remove CC's helmet and gets shocked.  Zarana asks who he is, and CC responds, "Your future master."  (Heh.)  Torch tries to use his blowtorch to get off the helmet but it doesn't work.  

Over the course of several panels, we witness the Dreadnoks torturing CC for information.  (At one point, Ripper hilariously uses CC's blood to draw a smiley face on his helmet.)  Later, Zandar tells CC that he isn't like the other idiots — he does his homework — and notes that he's never seen the type of tech that CC is sporting, even on "the darkest parts of the web."  CC tells Zandar that his brother (clearly Zartan) sent him on a secret mission because Zarana called him for help because she doesn't trust Zandar.  Zandar falls for it and storms from the room.  

Ripper then enters and CC tells him that he (somehow) knows that he was a former teacher obsessed with biker gangs.  Ripper apparently threw away his old life and "got lost in the role," which is why he plays extra tough.  Zarana and Torch then arrive, and CC taunts Zarana, asking if she's worried about Zandar because she's worried about losing control.  At this point, Buzzer, Ripper, and Zandar break into the room in a brawl, and CC hits his tracking device, which he earlier disabled.  The Dreadnoks then assemble outside in time for Protector to arrive.  

CC stumbles into Protector's arms and Protector breaks his chains.  Ripper then attacks Protector's face with his chainsaw, but it turns out it really isn't his face.  CC informs Protector that he's found the Energon, which, to Protector's mind, means the Dreadnoks are trying to deny Golobulus his due.  Protector then gets rid of his disguise, emerging from his outer skin with glowing yellow eyes and wings.  We're then treated to three panels of CC's unmoving, smiley face-d helmet as the Dreadnoks scream in agony and pain.

I kind of feel badly for the Dreadnoks, honestly.

Dawnrunner #1:  In terms of the story, the issue feels takes itself too seriously given Ram V is treading familiar ground here.  

First things first, this issue is beautiful, reminiscent of the dearly departed "Nonplayer."  My only complaint about the art is that it's so detailed that it's occasionally hard to tell what's happening, as if the lines in all their multitude get in their own way.

Moving onto the story, Ram sets out the premise well, giving details as we need them and not overwhelming us with information.  Ninety-six years ago, a portal, dubbed el Desgarrón, opened over Guatemala, and a race called the Tetza entered our world.  The Tetza were "an alien species with emergent and varying morphology," the only commonality being their "gargantuan size and the near-impervious nature of their skin."

In response, humanity did two things to survive.  First, in the "largest military effort in human history," we built "the Wall," an 1,800-mile long, 100-foot tall structure that locks the Tetza in a specific geographic enclosure.  Second, nations dissolved, and Earth's resources went to five corporations that build Iron Kings, or IK, the mecha that humanity uses to take out the Tetza.

Our introduction to the IK comes through the eyes of Anita Marr, an IK pilot, as she take control of Dawnrunner, the Cordonware Corporation's next-gen IK.  Given the attention she generates in the media on her run, it's clear the pilots are celebrities.  They're essentially athletes, as we see when a pilot named Xander tries to psyche out Anita by reminding her that he's only two kills behind her.  As she starts her preparations with her escort, Anita wonders how humanity turned something that was previously an existential threat into a sport.

The issue's sense of foreboding comes from a conversation between Cordonware's CEO, Andro Lestern, and a linguist named Murali.  Murali bursts in Lestern's office, furious that he's trying out Dawnrunner on a sole Tetza when they had an agreed Cordonware would only take action if at least three Tetza were present in the enclosure.  Murali complains that he can't study the Tetza if Lestern keeps killing them, but Lestern, not unreasonably, notes that the linguists have spent almost a century studying the Tetza and still can't tell "a Tetza poem from a fart."

Later, it all comes together as Lestern explains to, I believe, the CEOs of the other four corporations that Dawnrunner and Anita will now connect to each other directly; instead of the pilot manipulating the IK's controls, it'll be like they're the same person.  Meanwhile, Anita engages in combat with the Tetza, only unexpectedly finding herself merging with someone else's consciousness.

Ram doesn't clarify when we are, but it seems likely it's the past, when the Tetza first arrived.  Against the backdrop of a devastated city, a fellow soldier rouses Major Ichiro Takeda and informs him the military is preparing to drop "the heavy stuff" on the Tetza.  As Takeda tries to focus, Anita is trying to pull back her consciousness.  Takeda finally gets control of the body and tells the solider that he has to get to the research complex where his wife and kids are.  The soldier tells Takeda it's gone, but Takeda insists on going to find them.  Anita and Takeda seem able to speak to each other, asking each other who the other is.  They both answer, as does Dawnrunner, ominously.

Again, Ram and Cagle are onto something here, so I'm going to hang in there.  But it took at least two reads for me to get what exactly they're presenting to us, which dampens some of the kinetic energy that they're trying to infuse into this issue.

G.I. Joe:  A Real American Hero #305:  Hama throws so much at us here that I'm struggling to explain what I just read.  Not helping matters, at several points, the characters know more than they should know based on what we've seen.

In Springfield, CC and his squad examine the remains of the Vipers who detonated themselves while fighting Dawn last issue.  One of the men shows CC the surveillance video of the Vipers making their way onto the community centers's roof, and CC recognizes them as Vipers.  Despite only seeing their shadows in the video, one of CC's men comments that the Vipers were modified with Revanche technology, prompting CC to realize they came at Serpentor Khan's behest.  Hypothesizing that a third party took out the Vipers, CC orders a manhunt for the perpetrator.

At her parents', Dawn provides her report to Duke while Fred 23, the Morenos' neighbor, approaches the front door.   Fred 23 tells Moreno that the community center altercation has all of Dawn's earmarks, which seems a stretch given that the only evidence of the altercation was the three burn spots where the Vipers self-immolated and a surveillance video showing their shadows.  Fred 23 encourages them to turn in Dawn, and the Morenos attack him.  Dawn is shocked, which surprises her father, who tells her that they'd never turn her into the authorities.  They tell her to flee Springfield and that they'll follow her the next day after securing Fred 23.  (Couldn't they just secure him and leave with her?)

At the Pit, Stalker tells Lady Jaye to take Multo to Spirit so they can figure out how they're going to deal with the Vipers poking around upstairs.  Meanwhile, Airtight, Black Hat, and Mainframe are examining the remains of one of the Blue Ninjas who attacked Scarlett and Snake-Eyes, and we learn that they're 95 percent android, retaining only their human brain and spinal column.   One of the hands — despite being disconnected from the body — attacks Black Hat, though Stalker shoots it before it hurts her.

Elsewhere, Spirit informs Lady Jaye and Multo that the Vipers can't figure out the way into the Pit.  Getting permission from Duke to stop them before they find the entrance, the three Joes attack.  However, one of the Vipers manages to pull the pin from a nerve-gas grenade.  Spirit grabs his hands so he can't release the pin, and Lady Jaye kills him by shooting him in the head.  As he mentioned, though, his "hands" are cable and steel, so Lady Jaye can't move his fingers.  Instead, Multo uses his machete to cut off the hand holding the pin, handing it to Spirit.  Ha!  On Cobra Island (I told you this issue just keeps going), Serpentor Khan is apparently happy the three Vipers at the Pit have gone incommunicado, claiming it was all according to plan.

Moving to the Revanche facility in Baton Rouge, Dr. Mindbender notes a "glitch" in their covert plan there.  A Python officer supervises the mutated casino guests getting in line for their transformation when a Blue Ninja tells him that one of the chips that they're planning to install isn't on the original specs.  The Python escorts him to the storeroom, which is a comms dead zone, and attacks him, using his Clayface-like abilities to strangle him.  (He initially stabs him, and the Blue Ninja comments that he missed his power core, which the Python seems to imply he did on purpose.  But then why strangle him?)  Khan exposits that Revanche will eventually realize the Blue Ninja is missing and the subsequent investigation will reveal the chip negates Revanche control but by then it'll be too late.  (But will it be?  Like, this one Blue Ninja is the only one in Revanche that knows that they're going to install an extra chip in the dozens of mutants they've got ready to go?)

Khan and Mindbender turn their attention to Scotland, where we learn the "Zartan" we see with Destro there is a simulacrum.  They're trying to take out Zartan, as we see at the issue's end, to keep the charade going.

It's too much, honestly.  Like, I feel like we needed at least another issue to cover what Hama throws at us here for it all to make sense.

Seven-Month-Old Comics!: The February 21 Top-Shelf Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Cobra Commander #2:  Ho boy, Williamson isn't fucking around here.

In the shack that we saw at the end of last issue, Dreadnoks Buzzer and Ripper threaten two guys they have tied to chairs, telling them that they'll give them a ride home if they dime out the buyer who had them traffic arms through Dreadnok territory.  When one of the men engages in bravado, Buzzer saws his head in half with a chainsaw.  (Yup.)  Not surprisingly, the other man squeals, telling the pair that they never learned the buyer's name, that he was just some "big dude with a flattop."  Buzzer tells the guy that they'll go meet their buyer, and they keep their end of the bargain when Ripper chains up the remaining man and then ties him to the back of their enormous vehicle, the "Thunder Machine."  It's...graphic.

Nearby, CC is with his escort, whom he calls Protector; in a flashback, Protector willingly submits to Pythona using a squid to change him, presumably so he can live on the surface to engage in his escort duties.  CC tries to ditch Protector to follow the "energy signature," and Protector exposits that Golobulus sent him to watch CC to ensure he doesn't get "distracted" in his quest for the Energon.  (Aha.)   As they squabble, a park ranger tells them that they don't have the necessary ID to be in this area, and CC sends Protector to kill him.  Williamson gives us another graphic sequence here as Protector shrugs off the ranger's shot and rips his arms from his body as he headbutts him, obliterating his head.

CC uses the moment to escape and finds the shack, where we can now see that various body parts are hanging from the ceiling.  CC realizes that the Dreadnoks are experimenting with Energon, but the source of it isn't in the shack.  The pair return, and CC demands the Energon from them, claiming that it belongs to him.  When they threaten him, he opens fire; when they joke they can handle him, he blows up the Thunder Machine.  CC runs into the woods with Buzzer and Ripper in hot pursuit, until Zarana arrives on her motorcycle and reminds them that they can't go into that part of the swamp.

Alone, CC finds the "power of transformation" in a pool.  Excited to harvest it and return to Cobra-La to take on the leadership role he so desires, CC is suddenly pulled under water by some pretty serious looking (and possibly Energon-ified) gators.

Beyond the graphic violence, which truthfully fits this series' theme, the most notable part about this issue is that CC really seems committed to Cobra-La.  Even in his conversation with himself, he's focused on providing his worth to Golobulus.  I wonder how that's going to end.

G.I. Joe:  A Real American Hero #304:  Everyone is sizing up one another here.  After several "recce" missions, all three sides have a pretty good idea what the other side is planning.

Scarlett exposits that she and Snake-Eyes used tomato sauce from a meatball MRE as blood to fool Revanche into thinking they were dead.  (They developed that plan real fast if they managed to cover themselves with the sauce while the smoke literally cleared...)  Meanwhile, Airtight, Black Hat, and Mainframe arrive to pick up the modified Blue Ninjas' remains, and we (or, at least, I) learn that they're all androids.  

In Springfield, Dawn puts on her ninja gear and engages in recon for the Joes.  She wonders why Cobra is setting up heavy armor (by which I think she means artillery, since the image involves tanks not actual armor) since it would normally be on the tarmac if they were going to deploy it (presumably via cargo aircraft).  Dawn realizes that it's a defensive set-up and then overhears three enhanced mutant Vipers from Cobra Island as they plan to head to the community center to set up surveillance (and, apparently, eat some Vipers along the way).  

Dawn calls into the Pit, and Lady Jane puts two and two (the Sierras attack and Dawn's information) together and realizes why Revanche went to Cobra Island.  (I thought they already knew that it was to sell his "upgrade services," if you will, didn't they?)  Meanwhile, the Pit's perimeter alarm sounds, and the enhanced mutant Viper, Techno-Viper, and Toxo-Viper from last issue appear on the Joes' screens.  The Vipers scout out the three barracks on the grounds and report to Cobra Island that the beds are made even if the huts don't show signs of occupation.

On Cobra Island, Revanche and Dr. Mindbender prepare to turn the facility into a production line to create more enhanced Blue Ninjas and mutants as well as more mutant virus bombs and aerosolized virus devices.  The infiltration team in Springfield then contacts Cobra Island and broadcasts CC's speech at the community center where he's speaking to the Cobra faithful.  He informs the crowd that, rather than protecting Springfield, they're going to lure Revanche and Serpentor Khan's forces into a designated killing ground.  Only the upper echelon of Cobra's leadership will get the plans, of which only a third will be correct — only when the first shots are fired will CC reveal what the real plans are.  Mindbender orders one of the Vipers to capture three leaders once the attack starts so they can identify the plan.  (I don't get that, since how would they know who has which plan.  What happens if they capture three leaders with Plan C, but Plan A is the real plan?) 

On the chopper, Airtight, Black Hat, and Mainframe are discussing the task the latter has in front of him, namely reverse-engineering the Blue Ninjas, when suddenly the Ninjas all reactivate.  A fight ensures, and the Joes manage to subdue them (after Black Hat goes out the door with one of them to save Airtight, only for Airtight to save her).  We learn Wild Bill is flying the chopper when he appears and puts down the last Ninja.

In Springfield, the mutants discover and attack Dawn, who, they exposit, is Dr. Mindbender's failed attempt to duplicate Snake-Eyes.  (Um, OK.)  Dawn holds her own, and the mutants self-destruct themselves to make sure Revanche's technology doesn't fall into the Joes' hands.

Finally, in Scotland, our fourth contingent of actors enters the chat, as Zartan approaches Destro and the Baronness with news of the current events and an offer to put aside their differences for common benefit.

Star Wars #43:  Soule wraps up the story he started before the "Dark Droids" event, as Luke tries to get to the bottom of the mysterious Sith's pain.  

The Sith rebukes him for the attempt to learn about his pain and instead forced Luke to face the source of his pain:  Vader.  In confronting Vader, Luke echoes something that he previously mentioned to the Sith, that every path goes in two directions.  Here, he tells Vader that all the good that existed in him before his fall still exists, even if it's buried deep beneath the pain.  We then see a glowing outline of Anakin, and Soule makes it clear we're witnessing the moment where Luke decides he doesn't have to kill his father but save him.  

In so doing, Luke not only heals the kyber crystal but discovers his own crystal is now green.  It underscores the idea that Luke is becoming his own man, something that I think Soule is doing better in showing than the movies did.  I've felt like this second "Star Wars" series has dragged for quite a while, not really giving us all that much insight into the characters (unlike the first series).  But Soule really delivers something special here, and it's worth a read for all Luke fans. 

Seven-Month-Old Comics!: The January 17 Top-Shelf Edition - Part One (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Cobra Commander #1:  Holy shit, I did NOT see that coming.  Williamson leaves a lot of questions for us here, befitting Cobra Commander's typically murky background.  But what he does reveal is amazing.

In the past, Cobra Commander - or CC, as I'm going to call him - heads up a team of scientists in an underwater kingdom called Cobra-La, where they're investigating some sort of "abomination."  The population learns about the research and, appalled, breaks into the lab to stop it.  CC dispatches spores that he developed to hold off the mob, but one of the scientists detonates a bomb that kills everyone but CC.  He's left terribly scarred, and Cobra-La's doctors heal him with a three-headed snake.  He awakens wrapped in bandages, and a woman named Pythona informs him to put on his iconic helmet to cover his shame, which includes a now reptilian eye (I think).

Pythona brings him to the king, Golobulus, who tells him that he found him "lost in the outside world," which I assume means that CC is human and not Cobra-Lan.  Golobulus exposits that Cobra-La worships only the organic, so CC and the scientists' research is blasphemous.  (I should've seen where we're going here, but I didn't.)  Golobulus accuses CC of instigating the riots (possibly so he could use his defense against the rioters to justify Golobulus giving him a leadership position, which he demands here) and orders his men to kill him.  He quips that he healed him just to watch him die with his own eyes, letting us everything we need to know about Golobulus.

But CC is CC so he uses insect-like drones to crawl into the guards' bodies and kill them.  CC warns Golobulus that Cobra-La's isolation means its resources are dwindling, though his research can save it.  To do so, he has to go on a "special mission" to the outside.  Golobulus, revealing a reptilian eye like CC's, agrees.  CC walks back to the lab and reveals the abomination:  a comatose Megatron!  

CC exposits that the only thing he's kept from Golobulus is the existence of Cybertron.  CC tortures Megatron once again and discovers other energy signatures like his.  (I'm not sure why he had to torture him to identify similar energy signatures, but it is what it is.)  CC plans to track down the Transformers to explore their energy, which he describes as not just powerful but also "transformative."  CC departs, and Megatron opens a menacing eye.

In the present, CC kills a man for his car and, with the minder Golobulus demanded accompany him, heads to what appears to be Zartan's place in the Floridian swamps.

In other words, it's fucking great.  The Skybound team is clearly keeping Megatron on ice (literally) before launching him on Earth, giving us time to see other threats build.  Right now, I'm most interested in the fact that CC seems genuinely loyal to Golobulus, given that he believes that Golobulus can provide the army CC needs to control the world.  It'll be interesting to see how quickly that loyalty is tested.

G.I. Joe:  A Real American Hero #303:  This issue is pretty straight to the point.

At the Pit, the Joes watch a Revanche helicopter land on Cobra Island for an audience with Serpentor Khan.  Alpha-001 proposes a working relationship between the two organizations, though Khan is skeptical since Revanche apparently delivered B.A.T.s to Cobra that he programmed to respond only to Revanche.  Alpha-001 talks about the benefit of turning Khan's mutants into cyborgs.  A Viper volunteers to be a test subject, and Revanche's surgical bot turns him into a cyborg on the spot.

At the Pit, Duke asks Spirit to prepare for the Khan-Revanche alliance to try to break into the Pit, even though they're all pretty sure the alliance will make a play for Springfield first (which is why the Joes are sending a "sneak and peak" team there).  

In Springfield, Dawn sneaks into town to visit her parents (I only know her name due to the dramatis personae from issue #301) and thanks them for suffering some sort of trouble for something she did.  She pledges never to hurt them but has a weird look on her face when she does so so I'm not sure she means it.

Back at the Pit, Spirit identifies three Vipers at the perimeter.  Lady Jayne (I think) briefs Duke or Hawk that the Vipers are sporting Revanche technology and puts two and two together when it comes to Revanche's visit to Cobra Island.  Instead of eliminating them, Duke or Hawk suggests they take advantage of the Viper's reconnaissance to feed them some fake intel.

Meanwhile, an assassination team of enhanced Blue Ninjas arrives to take out Scarlett and Snake-Eyes in the Sierras.  Scarlett and Snake-Eyes kill all the Blue Ninjas save one who goes kamikaze on them before dying.  Watching from Cobra Island, Khan and his cronies see the dust from the blast settle on the seemingly dead Scarlett and Snake-Eyes.  (I'm going to guess the corpses are just Blue Ninjas dressed as them.)  Khan is impressed and orders as many units as Alpha-001 can deliver.

Kill Your Darlings #5:  Given how much happened in previous issues, this one is pretty sparse, though extremely relevant.

In 1987, Rose's mom discovers she's pregnant.  She leaves a message for the child's father, telling him that he ruined her life and her only consolation is that he'll never know the baby.  As she's driving herself to the hospital to deliver Rose on a dark and stormy night, she hits a boy.  She finds him dying on the side of the road but declines to help him.  After delivering Rose, Rose's mother cries as she learns from a television news interview with the boy's grandmother that he died.  As a dark hand floats over Rose's crib and flames surround Rose's mother's bed, the grandmother - pretty clearly the Girl Who Wouldn't Burn as an elderly woman, who's raised the boy since his mother mysteriously disappeared ten years earlier - pledges revenge for his death during the interview.

We obviously have a lot going on here.  You have to wonder why a ten-year-old boy was wandering a road on a dark and stormy night.  It's also suspicious that his mother "disappeared" and that the Girl Who Wouldn't Burn seemingly allowed herself to age.  At any rate, this issue provides a more sympathetic portrait of Rose's mother than we got from Evil last issue.

Seven-Month-Old Comics: The December 20 Top-Shelf Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

G.I. Joe:  A Real American Hero #302:  Given how much we've seen happen in "Transformers" and "Void Rivals," it feels weird how little progress we've seen in this title.  But Hama makes it clear that he's taking his time as he dedicates five almost-wordless panels at Wade Collins' funeral.

The issue opens with Serpentor Khan attempting to rally the Cobra Island mutants to his cause — to take over Cobra HQ in Springfield and then the world.  When someone questions why they need him, he shoots the offending someone in the head and offers his corpse as food to the rest of the mutants.  Needless to say, it seems clear they'll follow him.  The best part, though, is when a mutant who was an old lady on a Rascal asks Khan what his plans are — underscoring Hama's ability to make Cobra look as ridiculous as it occasionally is.

In Springfield, Cobra Commander briefs the family members of the Cobra employees he left on the Island, informing them that they're mobilizing all Cobra's resources to prepare for the inevitable attack Khan will launch on them.  At Revanche's HQ, Alpha-001 learns of Khan's plans via hidden cameras the B.A.T.S planted in the Casino.

At the Pit in Utah, Mongoose asks Stalker why Collins got an Arlington funeral when he was a Cobra Crimson Guard.  Stalker explains Wade was part of his and Snake-Eyes' unit in Vietnam.  After a Vietcong attack, they thought Wade died, but he survived, spending the rest of the war as a POW.  Rejected as a vet, Wade joined Cobra until Stalker and Snake-Eyes convinced him to leave.  Hawk created a new identity for him and his adoptive family, and one day his son, Sean, joined the Joes.  

In the Command Center, Mainframe tells Duke and Roadblock about the Cobra-on-Cobra violence, thanks to the fact he hacked Revanche, underscoring Revanche isn't as much of a threat as I originally thought.  

Meanwhile, Scarlett and Snake-Eyes are together in a mountain cabin in the Sierras.  Snake-Eyes (whose face remains hidden) tries to tell Scarlett something, but she tells him to wait because she heard a sound.  Excitingly, one of Timber's descendants brings a wolf puppy to Snake-Eyes.

Again, it isn't the most thrilling issue, but we're clearly building to something.

Kill Your Darlings #4:  Oof.  I honestly stopped breathing at some point, reading this issue.

The issue opens with a young Rose locked in the dark basement as punishment for something she did to make her mother mad.  It reveals something from the first issue, that Rose's mother wasn't all hugs and pancakes.

In Rosewood, the "Great and Terrible Evil" chases Rose through a cave and into a cavern, where a purple light shines on a mesa.  Evil resurrects some of Rose's former soldiers to attack her, and Rose flees to the mesa, grabbing Francine, the source of the light.  Rose slashes through the undead as Evil continues to ask her why she returned to Rosewood.  Rose confesses what I think we all assumed — she hoped she could somehow bring back her mother.  

Evil then summons her mother (or, at least, a simulacrum of her).  Rose's "mom" promises to take care of her, though Evil comments that she never really did.  We see image's of Rose's childhood:  of her alone watching TV or staring into an empty fridge, of her sleeping in the car outside the restaurant where her mom worked, of her alone in the dark basement.  Her mom is suddenly ablaze and attacks Rose who kills her with Francine.  Evil then tells Rose her mother's greatest legacy — even more than the scars she left — is him and pushes her into a cavern.

Rose suddenly falls through the ceiling of the video store, where some employees are fixing the damage and one is giving testimony to a cop.  She loses consciousness and "awakens" to blood everywhere and Evil ripping apart a cop.  Evil asks if she slept through it, implying Rose lost consciousness when he killed her mother.  Evil revels in his much bigger "playground," threatening to make Elliott watch what he does and telling Rose that Elliott is screaming at what Evil has already done with his hands.  As Evil seems ready to kill Rose, the door's bell rings and Evil turns to see a woman in a wheelchair.  Calling her "master," it seems clear that she's the Girl who Wouldn't Burn.

As I said, oof.  

Star Wars:  Revelations #1:  For an FCBD-style anthology, this issue is pretty solid.  

The best story is the first one, as Salli Georgio, Advocate-at-Large, tries to convince a judge that a Jedi used his mind trick to get Dengar to destroy "half the port district" as a distraction — and that Dengar didn't, instead, have two bottles of revnog in his system when he stole a speeder and committed the damage.  That story is, in and of itself, hilarious enough to merit inclusion but gets better when Lando calls Salli to defend him at his upcoming treason trial.  Ha!  I can't wait to see Salli in action again.

The Darth Vader story also intrigues me, as Vader apparently plans to track down an elite group of Rebel cyborgs to insert Imperial droid cognitive units in their bodies.  Vader developed this plan after realizing that the Emperor cost him years of work when he made him kill his own Death Troopers (in issue #40), but droids aren't capable of absorbing the years of training that organics are.  Vader hopes to put the two together, which sounds terrible and Vader-y.  That said, the best part is when the protocol droid contemplates the horror awaiting the cyborgs — being trapped in bodies that a master controls — and Vader unceremoniously cuts him in two since his comment struck a little too close to home.

The other ones are pretty good, too.  Sliney's artwork and Woodard's colors on the Jango Fett story evoke Marvel's '70s era "Star Wars" series, which is a pleasure to see.  The High Republic story is touching, as Keeve comes across a local using a lightsaber he found to try to inspire hope in the people of Gallimere on the edge of the Nihil Occlusion Zone.

All in all, as I said, it's pretty great for this sort of issue.

Undiscovered Country #27:  Man, every time you think you're going to get a win in this series...

I was wondering how Snyder and Soule were going to meet the timeframe they've laid out every time they write back matter, given we have a number of unvisited zones left but not many remaining issues.  We get the answer here, as Pavel explains to the team that he traveled those lands on his way to them.

Before Pavel tells his story, though, an enraged Janet screams at Chang over his failure to reveal the phone's existence.  When Pavel suggests they go to Aurora, Janet says they have to find Daniel first.  I thought this comment was interesting coming from Janet, though she may see the need for an ally after Chang betrayed her.  At any rate, Pavel suggests Daniel is likely already there and tells his story.

Disturbed by his failure to save his comrades when he was a POW, Pavel resolved to free the people of Zone Destiny or die trying.  Despite thousands dead, Pavel and his allies succeeded after a year.  Pavel then spendt ten years as the war hero he hoped he would be, helping Zone Destiny rebuild itself into a successful society.  But the demon-looking horse arrived for him one day.

Pavel then explains his journey through America.  He describes Zone Glory, which appears to replicate an active war between the United States and the Soviet Union, a war that Aurora would never allow either side to win.  In Zone Economy, we see capitalism run amok, a place Pavel left as soon as he could.  We then pass through a series of zones without comment - Publicity, Ministry, Security, Biology, and Theocracy - before Pavel arrives in Zone Bounty.

Pavel suggests that they've all now seen everything Aurora wanted them to see, and it's time to travel to the heart.  The giant who runs Zone Bounty suggests they can send the train two days earlier than usual.  Before they leave, though, Janet demands the phone from Charlotte and then tells Chang that they are, in no uncertain terms, done.  Meanwhile, Ace, Charlotte, and Valentina thank the giant, noting Bounty is the only zone where they've gotten unconditional help.  

The giant asks them to ask Aurora about the plague, concerned that the locusts will destroy the crop the following year and the entire country will suffer.  They agree and board the train, hopeful about the future.  Ace considers the promise of America, and Valentina notes this train has fed America year after year, as Bounty's residents exported their surplus food without asking anything in return.

Of course, as I see the focus turn to the locusts, I know something bad is going to happen.  It doesn't, because it already happened:  each version of the train is in a ditch, with the locusts hovering above it.

Snyder and Soule, man.

Eight-Month-Old Comics!: The November 15 Top-Shelf Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Dungeons & Dragons:  Fortune Finder #1:  This issue is...not good.  

As a long-time "Forgotten Realms" fan, I'm pretty sure Finder is Finder Wyvernspur from the "Azure Bonds" trilogy.  But Finder doesn't know that here, as he's arrived in the extraplanar city of Sigil with amnesia.  After escaping a precarious situation in an inn, he lucks upon Notitia Never-Lost, a "planar" who spends most of the issue expositing the "Planescapes:  Adventures in the Multiverse" sourcebook upon which this series is based.  A figure appears at the end demanding "the shard," which I'm assuming is the Finder's Stone?

At any rate, nothing Zub does here makes me care, about Finder or the plot.  Given my backlog, I'm going to bail here and call it a day.

G.I. Joe:  A Real American Hero #301:  Like Chris Moneyham, I wasn't a huge "G.I. Joe" fan in the '80s.  

I mean, I was a fan, obviously, but "Transformers" was my drug of choice.  My "G.I. Joe" involvement came mostly from the cartoon; to the extent I read the comics, they were the issues Macy's and Sears included in their annual holiday catalogues' grab-bags.  

In other words, you don't start reading a series with issue #301 and expect that you're going to follow the story as if you started with issue #1.  Thankfully, it's an action-oriented issue that isn't too hard to follow

Wild Bill and Duke are piloting a C-130 over Cobra Island, with Clutch, Cover Girl, Helix, Jinx, Multo, Muskrat, and Roadblock in the cargo bay.  Before the issue begins, a Cobra "jet pack missile" cut a hydraulic line, so the C-130 is losing altitude fast.  In Dr. Mindbender's lab on the island, Serpentor Khan activates Dr. Mindbender's "mutant virus bomb," which will turn him and the islands' inhabitants - including the civilians at the Cobra Casino - into "cannibalistic monsters."  Khan argues to an outraged Dr. Mindbender that it's better than "capture and humiliation."  

Meanwhile, a separate group of Joes are preparing to invade the lab via the Whale, an amphibious vehicle.  But they realize the C-130 is heading right at them so Cutter, the Whale's pilot, bails to avoid the C-130 crashing into them.  On the C-130, Wild Bill tells Duke they have to wait for the centrifugal force from their spin to push sufficient fluid into the wings, which will build up enough pressure for him to pull the C-13o from its dive.  As Wild Bill rights the plane, Cover Girl relays to the Joes that Cobra's internal comms network is berserk with news about the bomb.

It's here where we start picking up pieces from whatever continuity occurred previously.  As Cutter high tails it from the island as fast as possible, he tells Laura, a woman with an eye patch and a Cobra insignia on her uniform, to take Cobra Commander, who is apparently on the Whale, below decks.  Meanwhile, the C-130 approaches the "Cobra cruise ship" (I love that they've diversified into casinos and cruises) where "Revanche" evacuated its modified "B.A.T.s" ("highly weaponized androids"), who promptly open fire on the C-130.  On the Whale, Cobra Commander calls Laura and a bandaged man "traitorous siegies," which I don't understand at all but I'm assuming long-time readers will.

After Bill evades the B.A.T.s' attack, B.A.T. Beta-256 contacts Revanche's Alpha-001 to alert him that someone activated Dr. Mindbender's weapon.  Alpha-001 tells her to evacuate to Baton Rouge.  (The ship is heading to New Orleans.)  Meanwhile, Wild Bill tells the team that he's trying to get them to the Naval Air Station Joint Reserve Base in New Orleans but wants to check on the Whale first, but Cover Girl tells him about the bomb and that Cutter is trying to get the Whale as far from the island as possible.  

On the Whale, Cobra Commander punches Laura, and she apologizes to the bandaged guy, named Wade, for forgetting how fast Cobra Commander can be.  (I think handcuffs might've been appropriate here.)  Cobra Commander grabs Laura's gun and orders Wade to move Laura off the jet sled so he can escape; when Wade lunges at him, Cobra Commander shoots him.  Cobra Commander bails via the jet sled and heads back to Cobra Island.  Stalker and someone named Sean Collins (who I originally thought was Snake-Eyes) follow the sound of the shot and find Laura cradling Wade's body.  (Wade is apparently Sean's dad.)  Stalker tells Sean they have to focus on cranking up the escape ramp that Cobra Commander used in order to keep the Whale from sinking.  (With the ramp extended, Cutter struggles to get the Whale to maximum speed to escape the bomb.)

As Bill orders the crew to jettison weight, the bomb explodes, and Cobra Commander hightails it in the other direction.  On the island, Khan and Dr. Mindbender, along with the Island's other inhabitants, are indeed zombies but, at least in Khan and Dr. Mindbender's case, retain their faculties.  At the Joint Naval Base, Cutter says that he hopes they didn't miss "it," though someone says that Cover Girl told them that they'd wait for them.  They then escort out Wade's body.  (Given Cutter was on the ship with Wade's body, I don't understand what he was worried they were going to miss.)

In other words, I was happy with the issue, but I was also confused at certain points.  I didn't help that we had moments where I wasn't sure if Hana is using military speak or just terrible English (which often goes hand-in-hand).  For example, someone says,"we will combat assault in bonding overwatch."  At any rate, though, it's a good start, so I'm here for the long haul.

Star Wars:  Dark Droids #4:  Soule avoids dragging out this story too long as he makes it clear we're entering the endgame.

The Scourge is clearly losing it, so he creates four other personas to process the large amount of information he now contains:  the Child, the Elder, the Scholar, and the Warrior.  This council faces an immediate threat, as the Empire orders the Imps to start taking out any droid exhibiting suspicious activity.  (Soule underscores how little humans think of droids as we see countless droids expressing concern and fear as their masters carelessly destroy them.)  The council can't afford to lose so many potential hosts as they have to take over the "meat" before they ("the meat") realize what they (the droids) are planning.  

The Elder informs us that it's the third time the droids have tried to take over the meat, with the two previous attempts failing.  The Scholar suggests the Spark Eternal (I don't really remember how its existence fits in here) has changed old patterns, as he believes their coopting of the hybroids is a significant step.  He also mentions their agents across the galaxy continue to research how to break the barrier between droid and organic.  The Child suggests they might not be doing the right thing, though the Scholar again counters with the hunger argument that we've previously heard.  

The overtaxed Scourge stresses that they need more resources (i.e., the meat's minds) to process the gestalt he's become.  He makes it clear that he's grappling with managing the information the hybroids bring to the table, given they think and talk in an entirely different way.  The Scourge asks the Council if he's doing OK, and the Elder tells him that he has to pull himself together.  We learn that the council has sent Lobot, Valance, and the woman I don't recognize to take over the galactic relay hub on Epikonia so they no longer have to encounter a droid directly to possess it.  

Meanwhile, the Child gets the rest of the Council to focus on the fact that Ajax, and not humans, sent himself and his allies to attack Scourge One.  Speaking of Ajax, he's grief stricken over the loss of his allies, but Artoo and the new D-Squad of 4-LOM, BT-1, IG-88, QT-KT, and Triple-Zero arrive.  Ajax is thrilled other Visioned exist and agrees to help them take on the Scourge.

The council meets again, and the Scourge agrees with the Child that he doesn't want to continue anymore.  We learn that he put the Spark Eternal's "personality," if you will, in the Elder's body.  I don't totally follow that, though, because if the Scourge isn't the Spark Eternal then who is he?  Is he distinct from the Spark Eternal?  Or is he becoming a different entity after offloading the Spark Eternal into a distinct body?  At any rate, it seems academic, because the Scourge destroys the Elder's body but then speaks as if the Elder has taken control over his (the Scourge's) body.

In other words, some aspects of this story are confusing, particularly as it spins across several series, but Soule does a solid job of keeping the main story's stakes clear.

Star Wars:  Visions - Peach Momoko #1:  Although I appreciate Peach Momoko's art, I'm always on the fence whether I appreciate her storytelling.  

Without the dramatis personae at the issue's start, I'm not sure I'd understand that Kako was seeking some sort of revenge against Ankok.  That said, I'm still not sure what is driving her need for revenge.  I think Kako lost family in one of the rituals that Ankok's messenger, Tata, conducts, but I'm not actually sure.  After all, it isn't clear that the people who commune with Ankok - via creepy tentacles inserting themselves into their mouths - die.

For these sorts of wordless stories to work, the creator needs to make the plot absolutely clear, which Momokoko doesn't do here.  It's a shame given how beautiful the art is.