Eight-Month-Old Comics!: The March 20 Top-Shelf Edition - Part Two (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

If You Find This, I'm Already Dead #2:  I was skeptical of this issue as I read it, as I wasn't particularly buying Kindt's assertion that certain behaviors and stories are universal.  But the revelation at the end of the issue that a human sits at Terminus' makes all that make sense (including the homages to popular culture that I mentioned in my review of issue #1).

Robin has managed to find shelter and identify the food that doesn't make her sick.  Her next step is trying to learn the language, which eventually leads her to a religious text and thus to priests.  She comes to realize Terminus' religion is based on a pantheon of ancient gods who created Terminus as a battleground, "a kind of 'Olympics' where the gods could fight to the death."  It's here where we start seeing the parallels to Earth, with the religion's creation myth mirroring many Earth ones (though, instead of a flood of water, it's blood).

Eventually, Robin realizes that it's a death cult, but it's too late, as the priests throw her into a portal.  It turns out Terminus is a living creature, and she's a blood sacrifice.  As she moves through Terminus' digestive system, Robin gains an awareness and survives since she isn't made of the same organic materials as Terminus' other denizens.

Suddenly, she's kidnapped by the Tuning Forks who fly her to an amazing complex, with a humanoid sculpture atop it.  (Think Mount Rushmore looming over Santorini.)  The Forks bring her to the wheels that the Skrulls walk like hamsters to power Terminus.  Robin reflects on how similar this world is to Earth:  "Can it be that atrocity, exploitation, greed, lust for power...aren't just humanity's traits?  They are universal.  Literally, universally universal."

As a group of Skrulls attack her, a shaman-looking Skrull saves her.  Robin comes to realize the shaman plans on throwing people at the fence that keeps them penned, and Robin tries to convince him not to do so, since it's electrified.  But the Shaman turns out correct:  the fences can't kill everyone, and they get over the wall.  

As they make their way through catacombs filled with gardens and sculptures, Robin realizes that she fulfills some part of the plan, though the shaman doesn't have a word for her role.  Eventually she realizes that word is "human" because she arrives in a sanctum sanctorum to find a grizzled man sitting on a wire-connected throne.

Again, I found myself happy with this outcome, since it explains some of the coincidences that bothered me.  You don't often get that satisfaction in a comic, but I'll take it.

Kill Your Darlings #7:  Oof, Parker and Sheridan aren't fucking around here.

The Witch has captured two Rosewood denizens and tied them to stakes, so you know it's going to turn out well.  She casts a spell ("Change.  To bend at will.  From dream to dream."), and the denizens mutate into her parents.  Their irises are white, though the Witch's mother recognizes "Eleanor."  The Witch tells her that she isn't Eleanor anymore and the woman isn't her mother.  Setting them alight, she says, "But your pain is enough."  Seriously, someone needs therapy.

The Witch tells Evil that this world is malleable, bending at will "with a firm hand."  She expresses shock that a girl created it and informs Evil it's time to discard his "brittle form."  On cue, Elliott awakens in a jail cell, covered in blood.  He's horrified when Rose confirms that he did everything he saw.  Rose tells him that he didn't kill those people, just like she didn't kill her mother.  Elliott tells her that he was - and still is - in agony due to Evil tunneling into his brain.  Before they can escape, the prison door opens and the Witch calls to Rose to come to her.

We learn the Witch believed herself to be the last of her kind after they were hunted to extinction during the Colonial era hysteria.  (It's an interesting proposition, the idea that the hunters were successful...almost.)  The Witch tells Rose she clung to life due to "spite and hatred," but "a heart can only endure so much tragedy."  She then reveals to Rose that her mother took away her final hope, murdering her grandson.  Elliott confirms that it's true based on what he saw in Evil's head.  The Witch then confirms that she cursed her to years of "torment and misery."

Rose is appalled that the Witch and her servant Evil are behind all their suffering, though the Witch says that it isn't Rose's story, it's hers.  (Seriously, get thee to therapy, girl.)  The Witch tells Rose that she would've save her from her life of misery if she would've known she was a witch and exults that they can be free in Rosewood, "this realm of granted desires."  Rose tells her to go fuck herself at the idea that they'd work together, since she's the reason Rose's been a victim since she was eight years old.

The Witch grabs Rose's arm, and suddenly we see the Witch's younger self in the space where Rose used to go when the Witch was in control.  Rose realizes that she has Eleanor trapped in that mental space and knocks her unconscious.  Wallace arrives, and Rose grabs the Witch's spellbook and they bolt.

At the Sanctuary, the denizens are getting onto ships, with Wallace explaining Rosewood is only one kingdom in the "greater Wilderlands."  (Are there other witches who made these lands?)  Rose encounters a crying young tiger cub named Aryll, and Wallace keeps pushing everyone to the boats.  On the boat, Rose sees so many more denizens on the docks, and a devastated Wallace said that they did all they could do.  Rose sees a sad Annabelle, but  suddenly Evil splits the mountain behind the Sanctuary, destroying it.

Devastated at the idea of the denizens dying, Rose holds a terrified Aryll and tells the denizens on the ships that they'll retreat now but they're returning to settle matters.  Meanwhile, the Witch looks desperately for something (I think the spellbook) and begins vomiting purple light.

As I said, the dudes aren't fucking around here.

Star Wars:  Jango Fett #1:  In some ways, this series does a better job telling the sort of bounty hunter story I love than Sacks' "Star Wars:  Bounty Hunter" series did.  We start with an action sequence, segue into a heist, and then end with an action sequence, picking up clients and enemies along the way.

The issue begins in a "secret gambling den" on Oosalon, where Jango tells Fissure Tozan that he's claiming the bounty that the Crymorah Syndicate put on him over a sabacc debt.  Tozan notes that Jango has some big ones on him to enter a den full of assassins to claim that bounty.  Of course, Jango shows us why he's so dangerous as he takes out Tozan's cohort and flies out the skylight with Tozan in tow.  Sacks also reminds us that Jango is an asshole when he unnecessarily throws a thermal detonator, killing everyone in the den, despite the fact most of them were just gambling.

Meanwhile, on Jaloria, a bored Repubic diplomat is making a terrible speech about the Republic supporting the Anselmi and the Nautolans in making peace on Glee Anselm.  As a gesture of support, Chancellor Valorum has the Republic Museum turn over one of its most valuable artifacts, the Hope of Glee Anselm.  It's a wave with two enormous jewels on it, one the Anselmi's Sacred Firestone of King Skrawll, the other the Nautolans' Leviathan Gem.  Of course, masked raiders immediately arrive to steal the Hope.

Later, a broadcast reveals that the Republican guards killed all the thieves save the one who managed to steal the Hope.  The dead thieves' armor all self-destructed upon their death, leaving no clues.  The broadcast says it's another embarrassment for Valorum, who's struggling to broker an agreement between the Trade Federation and Naboo.  (He sure is.)

At Y3-99's Bounty Services on Halmad, Jango turns in Tozan and learns about the bounty the Republic has placed on the Hope.  (They can't use the Jedi, because Kit Fisto is Valorum and the Anselmi don't trust them.)  Whythree-ninenine sheepishly admits he handed out the bounty to several favorites, and we segue to watching a group of brutish brothers celebrating getting the bounty at the Two Blasters Bar on Daiyu.  A fellow bounty hunter takes notice, and they spill his drink to warn him not to interfere.  (Somehow the guy was able to tell the bounty was "lucrative" from its beeping.)  Unsurprisingly, the guy tracks down the brothers after they leave the bar and makes short work of them, announcing himself as Vigor Struk.

Meanwhile, at the Megalox Penitentiary on Megalox Beta in the "Expansion Region," Judicial Huijari bribes the warden to release a prisoner to help the Republic track down a "certain bounty hunter."  The prisoner?  Aurra Sing.

We then return to Halmad where a group of the armored thieves are doing something to Slave 1.  Screaming "For Glee Anselm!", they open fire on Jango.  (I guess they aren't just thieves but patriots.)  Jango shows off several fancy moves, like throwing some sort of disc on a wall and using it to ricochet a shot into a thief's face.  Contemplating Whythree-ninenine's broken body (he got caught in the cross-fire), an annoyed Jango boards Slave I.

Beyond Jango's character in and of himself, the most interesting part about this issue is the obvious mess that is the Republic.  First, we have the totally bored diplomat and the incompetent chancellor as signs of the Republic's rot.  But we also have some sort of secret conspiracy, because why else would one part of the Republic hire Jango only for another part of the Republic to spring a notorious assassin to go after him?  Also I'm not entirely sure why the thieves went after Jango on Halmad unless they're going after all the bounty hunters who took the bounty to find the Hope?  I guess we'll see.

Star Wars:  Visions - Takashi Okazaki #1:  We learn how the Ronin came upon his droid and the droid came upon his hat in this issue; namely, the Ronin slayed the droid's hat-wearing master, and the droid went with him, per a vision the master had. 

Initially, the master found the droid in a river after a battle involving TIE Fighters that happened over the village where the master lived.  In addition to the master fishing the droid's body from the river, we watch the other villagers scavenge the battle's wreckage, a reminder of the marginal existence that regular people in the Republic eke out every day.  The master's fellow villagers later note his improved mood since the droid came into his life, and they all share some laughs.

This fellowship makes it poignant as we watch the village slowly dissolve over time; after ten years it's just the master and his droid.  We never learn what kills the villagers, only that the master asks the droid to ensure he's buried with him, a sign, I guess, that even the Sith need community.  In fact, one of the most poignant moments I've read in a Star Wars comic is when the master and the droid sit silently at the memorial they've established for this friends.

Eight-Month-Old Comics!: The November 15 Top-Shelf Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Dungeons & Dragons:  Fortune Finder #1:  This issue is...not good.  

As a long-time "Forgotten Realms" fan, I'm pretty sure Finder is Finder Wyvernspur from the "Azure Bonds" trilogy.  But Finder doesn't know that here, as he's arrived in the extraplanar city of Sigil with amnesia.  After escaping a precarious situation in an inn, he lucks upon Notitia Never-Lost, a "planar" who spends most of the issue expositing the "Planescapes:  Adventures in the Multiverse" sourcebook upon which this series is based.  A figure appears at the end demanding "the shard," which I'm assuming is the Finder's Stone?

At any rate, nothing Zub does here makes me care, about Finder or the plot.  Given my backlog, I'm going to bail here and call it a day.

G.I. Joe:  A Real American Hero #301:  Like Chris Moneyham, I wasn't a huge "G.I. Joe" fan in the '80s.  

I mean, I was a fan, obviously, but "Transformers" was my drug of choice.  My "G.I. Joe" involvement came mostly from the cartoon; to the extent I read the comics, they were the issues Macy's and Sears included in their annual holiday catalogues' grab-bags.  

In other words, you don't start reading a series with issue #301 and expect that you're going to follow the story as if you started with issue #1.  Thankfully, it's an action-oriented issue that isn't too hard to follow

Wild Bill and Duke are piloting a C-130 over Cobra Island, with Clutch, Cover Girl, Helix, Jinx, Multo, Muskrat, and Roadblock in the cargo bay.  Before the issue begins, a Cobra "jet pack missile" cut a hydraulic line, so the C-130 is losing altitude fast.  In Dr. Mindbender's lab on the island, Serpentor Khan activates Dr. Mindbender's "mutant virus bomb," which will turn him and the islands' inhabitants - including the civilians at the Cobra Casino - into "cannibalistic monsters."  Khan argues to an outraged Dr. Mindbender that it's better than "capture and humiliation."  

Meanwhile, a separate group of Joes are preparing to invade the lab via the Whale, an amphibious vehicle.  But they realize the C-130 is heading right at them so Cutter, the Whale's pilot, bails to avoid the C-130 crashing into them.  On the C-130, Wild Bill tells Duke they have to wait for the centrifugal force from their spin to push sufficient fluid into the wings, which will build up enough pressure for him to pull the C-13o from its dive.  As Wild Bill rights the plane, Cover Girl relays to the Joes that Cobra's internal comms network is berserk with news about the bomb.

It's here where we start picking up pieces from whatever continuity occurred previously.  As Cutter high tails it from the island as fast as possible, he tells Laura, a woman with an eye patch and a Cobra insignia on her uniform, to take Cobra Commander, who is apparently on the Whale, below decks.  Meanwhile, the C-130 approaches the "Cobra cruise ship" (I love that they've diversified into casinos and cruises) where "Revanche" evacuated its modified "B.A.T.s" ("highly weaponized androids"), who promptly open fire on the C-130.  On the Whale, Cobra Commander calls Laura and a bandaged man "traitorous siegies," which I don't understand at all but I'm assuming long-time readers will.

After Bill evades the B.A.T.s' attack, B.A.T. Beta-256 contacts Revanche's Alpha-001 to alert him that someone activated Dr. Mindbender's weapon.  Alpha-001 tells her to evacuate to Baton Rouge.  (The ship is heading to New Orleans.)  Meanwhile, Wild Bill tells the team that he's trying to get them to the Naval Air Station Joint Reserve Base in New Orleans but wants to check on the Whale first, but Cover Girl tells him about the bomb and that Cutter is trying to get the Whale as far from the island as possible.  

On the Whale, Cobra Commander punches Laura, and she apologizes to the bandaged guy, named Wade, for forgetting how fast Cobra Commander can be.  (I think handcuffs might've been appropriate here.)  Cobra Commander grabs Laura's gun and orders Wade to move Laura off the jet sled so he can escape; when Wade lunges at him, Cobra Commander shoots him.  Cobra Commander bails via the jet sled and heads back to Cobra Island.  Stalker and someone named Sean Collins (who I originally thought was Snake-Eyes) follow the sound of the shot and find Laura cradling Wade's body.  (Wade is apparently Sean's dad.)  Stalker tells Sean they have to focus on cranking up the escape ramp that Cobra Commander used in order to keep the Whale from sinking.  (With the ramp extended, Cutter struggles to get the Whale to maximum speed to escape the bomb.)

As Bill orders the crew to jettison weight, the bomb explodes, and Cobra Commander hightails it in the other direction.  On the island, Khan and Dr. Mindbender, along with the Island's other inhabitants, are indeed zombies but, at least in Khan and Dr. Mindbender's case, retain their faculties.  At the Joint Naval Base, Cutter says that he hopes they didn't miss "it," though someone says that Cover Girl told them that they'd wait for them.  They then escort out Wade's body.  (Given Cutter was on the ship with Wade's body, I don't understand what he was worried they were going to miss.)

In other words, I was happy with the issue, but I was also confused at certain points.  I didn't help that we had moments where I wasn't sure if Hana is using military speak or just terrible English (which often goes hand-in-hand).  For example, someone says,"we will combat assault in bonding overwatch."  At any rate, though, it's a good start, so I'm here for the long haul.

Star Wars:  Dark Droids #4:  Soule avoids dragging out this story too long as he makes it clear we're entering the endgame.

The Scourge is clearly losing it, so he creates four other personas to process the large amount of information he now contains:  the Child, the Elder, the Scholar, and the Warrior.  This council faces an immediate threat, as the Empire orders the Imps to start taking out any droid exhibiting suspicious activity.  (Soule underscores how little humans think of droids as we see countless droids expressing concern and fear as their masters carelessly destroy them.)  The council can't afford to lose so many potential hosts as they have to take over the "meat" before they ("the meat") realize what they (the droids) are planning.  

The Elder informs us that it's the third time the droids have tried to take over the meat, with the two previous attempts failing.  The Scholar suggests the Spark Eternal (I don't really remember how its existence fits in here) has changed old patterns, as he believes their coopting of the hybroids is a significant step.  He also mentions their agents across the galaxy continue to research how to break the barrier between droid and organic.  The Child suggests they might not be doing the right thing, though the Scholar again counters with the hunger argument that we've previously heard.  

The overtaxed Scourge stresses that they need more resources (i.e., the meat's minds) to process the gestalt he's become.  He makes it clear that he's grappling with managing the information the hybroids bring to the table, given they think and talk in an entirely different way.  The Scourge asks the Council if he's doing OK, and the Elder tells him that he has to pull himself together.  We learn that the council has sent Lobot, Valance, and the woman I don't recognize to take over the galactic relay hub on Epikonia so they no longer have to encounter a droid directly to possess it.  

Meanwhile, the Child gets the rest of the Council to focus on the fact that Ajax, and not humans, sent himself and his allies to attack Scourge One.  Speaking of Ajax, he's grief stricken over the loss of his allies, but Artoo and the new D-Squad of 4-LOM, BT-1, IG-88, QT-KT, and Triple-Zero arrive.  Ajax is thrilled other Visioned exist and agrees to help them take on the Scourge.

The council meets again, and the Scourge agrees with the Child that he doesn't want to continue anymore.  We learn that he put the Spark Eternal's "personality," if you will, in the Elder's body.  I don't totally follow that, though, because if the Scourge isn't the Spark Eternal then who is he?  Is he distinct from the Spark Eternal?  Or is he becoming a different entity after offloading the Spark Eternal into a distinct body?  At any rate, it seems academic, because the Scourge destroys the Elder's body but then speaks as if the Elder has taken control over his (the Scourge's) body.

In other words, some aspects of this story are confusing, particularly as it spins across several series, but Soule does a solid job of keeping the main story's stakes clear.

Star Wars:  Visions - Peach Momoko #1:  Although I appreciate Peach Momoko's art, I'm always on the fence whether I appreciate her storytelling.  

Without the dramatis personae at the issue's start, I'm not sure I'd understand that Kako was seeking some sort of revenge against Ankok.  That said, I'm still not sure what is driving her need for revenge.  I think Kako lost family in one of the rituals that Ankok's messenger, Tata, conducts, but I'm not actually sure.  After all, it isn't clear that the people who commune with Ankok - via creepy tentacles inserting themselves into their mouths - die.

For these sorts of wordless stories to work, the creator needs to make the plot absolutely clear, which Momokoko doesn't do here.  It's a shame given how beautiful the art is.

Five-Month-Old Comics: The October 12 Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

A.X.E. Eternals #1:  Gillen delivers another solid tie-in issue here, as Ajak and Sersi struggle not only with the Progenitor's judgment but the idea of anyone judging them at all.  During their conversation, the Progenitor calls bullshit on Ajak's belief that humans aren't in a place to sit in judgment given the rich benefit from the poor.  To remind her of the Eternal's own sins, the Progenitor forces Ajak to re-kill everyone who died so the Machine could resurrect her.  Doing so, she convinces the Progenitor to delay judging her, though the Progenitor makes it clear that she's ultimately going to have to chose to destroy or help him.  I'm interested to see what she chooses.

Amazing Spider-Man #11:  Ho boy, Spidey is in some trouble.

I'm happy to say that we've seemingly moved past the point where Wells spends most of the issue dedicated to teasing whatever happened six months ago.  In other words, we're starting to get some actual Spider-Man stories.

That said, Wells takes a huge risk by centering his first one on the Hobgoblin.  I'm hard pressed to think of a character whose history is more convoluted than Hobby's.  But Wells makes the right choice by leaning into that chaos.  When Ned informs Peter that Norman is engaged in some sort of activity with Roderick Kingsley, it seems like Norman is back to his old tricks.  (I'll admit that schtick is getting old at this point.)  But Norman confesses to Peter that he's simply returning the companies that he previously stole from Roderick to him.  

Of course, Norman is still Norman.  Peter insists on going with him as Spider-Man to sit in the shadows and make sure Norman is OK at Norman's meeting with Roderick.  Norman agrees but intentionally gives Peter the wrong day of the meeting, setting off every reader's Spider-Sense.  At said meeting, though, Norman really does just give Roderick back his companies, raising the question of why he lied to Peter.

Before you think we're in a one-and-done story, though, enter Ned.  The issue started with Betty screaming when she walked into her son's (Winston's) room to see Hobgoblin holding him.  It ends with Hobgoblin attacking Norman and Roderick and then returning to Betty and Ned's apartment.  Hobgoblin informs Winston that he gave mommy something to help her sleep and that "they' did good work that night, so it seems like Ned has gone back to basics, if you will.

Again, it's nice to see us focusing on Peter in the present and not whatever the hell happened six months ago.

Star Wars #28:  This issue is incredibly rushed for reasons that aren't clear.  

For the first half of the issue, Bevelyn and Melton desperately try to stay one step ahead of Imperial security officers them while the Rebellion officers try to dissuade Luke of his insane idea to pose as an Imperial officer to find the family on Coruscant.  

Then, it's all resolved in five pages.  Luke arrives on Coruscant, asks some Stormtroopers where the search is focused, and then finds the family in the sewers.  We don't even see how he somehow managed to get them off-planet:  it happens off-panel.  The issue ends with Luke informing Admiral Ackbar, General Syndulla, and Senator Mothma that the Imperials are building a new Death Star.

It feels like Soule had a much longer arc planned only for editorial to tell him to condense it to a shorter story.  Either way, I feel robbed of a more exciting adventure.

Star Wars:  Visions #1:  I hadn't watched the "Star Wars:  Visions" episode that precedes this issue, so I did, and I'm very happy I did.  

In that episode, Okazaki blends feudal Japan with "Star Wars," a combination that goes hand-in-hand given how much Kurosawa influenced Lucas.  We're introduced to the Ronin, a mysterious figure traveling through the post-war galaxy with his droid.  A Sith Lord and her minions attack the village where he's staying, and he defends it.  

The surprise is that he's carrying a red lightsaber, identifying him as a Sith Lord himself.  After defeating his opponent, we learn that he's collecting red Kyber crystals, making it clear that he's out there killing Sith.  He hands the crystal he just collected to the young boy in charge of the village, telling him that it wards off evil.  (Does it?)

In this issue, some goons attack the Ronin and his droid, who we now know is named Fivesix.  Afterwards, the Ronin encounters a blind traveler and his droid at a "secret" hot springs," where they share a soak and saké.  The traveler tells the Ronin the story of how he lost his sight:  he received a vision from "the Father" (who looks like the Buddha), who told him to go to the Tempe of Elujoji on Sukalan to find truth.  The Ronin tells the traveler that he's heard of it as a place where "the truth of the galaxy is" and where one can purify one's soul.

The next morning, the two depart, only for the Ronin to ask the traveler if he's forgetting to kill him.  Revealed as a Jedi Master, the traveler quickly slices the Ronin's lightsaber/sword in two, telling him that he hasn't forgotten anything.  The issue ends ambiguously, as the Ronin makes his way to a TIE bomber and comments, "Let's go, Master," though I'm not sure if it's to Fivesix or the seemingly departed traveler.

Again, the premises of these two stories is great, and I'd welcome more time with this character, particularly given how little we still know about him.

 
Also Read:  007 #3