Saturday, May 11, 2024

Eleven-Month-Old Comics!: The May 31 Top-Shelf Edition (HERE BE SPOILERS!)

Local Man #4:  Man, our dude just can't keep himself from trouble.

Jack stands in front of a closed quarry and exposits (via a conversation with Pepper) that Inga's husband, Brian, mentioned he saw lights in the sky above the quarry and Frightside mentioned Hodag was obsessed with it (the quarry).  Jack initially pinned Hodag's death on interrupting a drug deal there since, in Jack's days, dealers used to work from the quarry.  Brian interrupts Jack's reverie when he arrives to inform him that someone drowned Frightside.  Brian notes the coincidence of Jack visiting her at the community center and her winding up dead.  Before Brian can arrest him, Jack flees over the fence and jumps into the quarry, following some underwater lights into a cave.

In said cave, Jack discovers human sized tubes and the Mercy Seat, the "literal lid that contained all the wisdom and power of God," which only the most devout can touch.  Camo Crusader appears from the shadows and Jack hugs him, telling him that "something cosmic-level fucked" is happening in the town.  Jack then realizes the Crusader isn't wet, meaning he didn't arrive via the quarry, and the Crusader begins beating Jack to a pulp.

As he kicks Jack's ass, the Crusader exposits that he'd never thought Jack would return to his home town, figuring instead that he'd "end up doing cheap carnival tricks at the Hall of Heroes like the others."  Showing how nuts he is, the Crusader asks why Jack suddenly decided to make something of himself, concluding that he wanted to ruin the Crusader's life by ensuring he didn't "leave anything behind on Earth."  (Um, OK.). The Crusader continues to rant, saying Erica did things for Jack that she'd never did for him.  (Um, OK.)  He then tells him that Jack stole "a child from my wife's womb."  (Um, did Erica have Jack's baby?)  The Crusader tells him that he now has no one with whom to share his immorality, and Jack realizes the Crusader opened the Mercy Seat.

Before the Crusader can kill Jack, Brian arrives and tells the Crusader he's under arrest for assault and trespassing.  (Um, sure, dude.  Like, you thought the gun would work on this guy?)  Before the Crusader can kill Brian, Jack mortally wounds the Crusader with an arrow through the eye. (He was shooting for his hand.  Apparently, he never mastered the bow and arrow.  Heh.)  Jack exposits that he thinks the Crusader was going to make himself a god by attaching the Mercy Seat to the Aphek Engine.  Jack accuses the Crusader of killing Hodag and Frightside for stumbling upon his secret, but the Crusader cryptically says before he dies that, "All my children must now do for themselves."

Later, Jack awakens in the police HQ, which is in the same building as the community center and is apparently the former 4th Gen training facility.  Jack finds some files of his fellow former 4th Gen recruits and connects the recruits to the Crusader, either as his "children" themselves or as victims of his children because they stole the 4th Genners' powers via the Aphek Engine.  Outside, some guy with a mullet who I think we're supposed to recognize arrives and stabs Brian and makes his way to Jack.

Meanwhile, the back-up story confirms that Erica did seemingly have Jack's baby.  The Crusader, Neon (a.k.a. Erica), and Jack wind up stranded on a strange planet.  After Jack confesses that his failure to kill a deer while hunting with his dad led to their estrangement (and his inability to shoot a bow and arrow), the Crusader helps Jack aim his bow and arrow.  Later, the Crusader asks Jack to impregnate Erica, since the tonic that gave him his powers also means that he can't feel (or, presumably, you know).  It seems like the Crusader thought that Erica and Jack would just have sex the one time, but they definitely didn't stop.

Pathfinder:  Wake the Dead #1:  Van Lente spends a lot of time telling us the characters' histories and motivations here, which makes me long for the days when everything wasn't mini-series that required constant exposition.

At any rate, six adventurers find themselves in Ecanus, a Nexian city on the border with the "undead nation of Geb."  More specifically, they're in "the Awful," a former garden district "reduced to viscera thanks to the explosion of a massive flesh forge" that Nex's battlemages used to churn "out Nexian horrors to battle Geb's lifeless hordes."  Fun place!

Sajan Gadadvara and Lem (!) are an Irorian monk and Chelaxian minstrel, respectively, working for the Firebrands for their first brand, though Sajan is also trying to get the Brands to tell him something about his sister (of course).  Quinn, a "consulting investigator," is our insufferable expositor who provides this information to us.  Seelah is an Iomedaean paladin working on behalf of the Knights of Lastwall, and Harsk (!) rounds out the group as a Pathfinder agent.  They're all after Gabsalia Venris, an advisor to Geb's spymaster.  She clearly put out word to every group in Golarion that she wanted to escape Geb.

The adventures becomes a team when two Nexian deathsealers, Hazan and Jawar, arrive to make sure that Nex gets Gabsalia.  Before either side can gain the upper hand, three Gebian undead arrive.  They inform the group they were Gabsalia's mother, husband, and daughter, who the Gebians tortured to death and rose to chase Gabsalia.  Nice.  The zombies hurl their skins at the team, revealing themselves as shredskins.  Seelah exposits that her parents left Geb due to the undead legions, and she makes quick work of Gabsalia's family to send their bodies to rest.  Moving from the pan to the fire, the team discovers the deathsealers' bodies just as some other Nexian figures arrive to blame them for Hazan and Jawar's deaths.

Again, the exposition sucks, but I like the premise enough that I'm hoping Van Lente is able to dive into the story next issue, with the table now set.  The "Pathfinder" comics really excel when they're showing how awful Golarion can be, and this series promises to be no different.

Star Wars:  Sana Starros #4:  I like Sana Starros, and she deserves better than this series.  After so much promise, it's devolved into an unceasing series of aphorisms about family to the point where a Real Housewife of New Jersey would cringe.  The plot, such as it is, involves a data cube onboard the King's Ransom, a Starros possibly dealing with the Soikans (which is apparently bad), and Mevera needing a stockpile of gherlian fur.  Yeah, I don't know either.  At any rate, if Phel is right and the family abandoned him after the Empire arrested him, it isn't easy to empathize with the Starros women as they keep trying to make him the bad guy.  In fact, it seems like the Starros women all make terrible decisions and disown anyone who calls them on it.

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